When do I get to use the bloody thing?

The thing I’ve noticed about the new notebook (not laptop because you can’t put it on your lap because that blocks the ventilation holes on the lower surface and sets fire to your lap) is that it’s forever downloading updates. So I’ve found the best thing to do with it is plug it in half an hour before I want to use it, switch it on and leave it to its own devices until it stops messing about.