Saturday, 31 December 2016

Let us end the year on a positive note

Say what you like about J. Corbyn, his leadership has allowed a lot of deserving characters to be shunted to the political sidelines, like the Balls-Cooper woman, who was famous for not being able to make her mind up when a government minister, and A. Burnham, who was the Health Minister at a time when patients were dying of neglect at Stafford hospital as a direct result of Labour party policies.

Friday, 30 December 2016

Scurrilous gossip

President O’Bummer has ejected 35 Russian ‘diplomats’ to show how pissed off he is over the hacking and publication of Democratic party emails, which he believes cost the appalling Hillary Clinton the presidency. And if Vlad the Putin had been in the US, he’d have been gone, too.
    O’Bummer thinks Vlad was personally involved in the hacking operation because he has personal reasons for hating the appalling Hillary (like everyone else).
    President Putin has trumped O’Bummer’s ace by opting to do nothing. He let his underlings post pictures of a lame duck on antisocial meeja and he announced that he was postponing a reaction until after he had spoken to his good pal the future President Trump. Which means that nothing will happen before the end of January 2017 at the earliest.

Yeah, I dunnit. Well, maybe.

Having bragged that he chucked a man accused of rape and murder out of a helicopter, President R. Duterte of the Philippines is back-pedalling suddenly. Why? Surely the leader of one of the crime hell-holes of the galaxy isn’t worried about a local PC Plod taking him seriously and trying to jam his ass in gaol?

Thursday, 29 December 2016

Mind Games

Trumponomics is boosting the US stock market for an extraordinary reason. The experts say that there is no proof that his policies will work, but there is no counter-proof that they will not. As a result, the market is expected to remain optimistic for at least a year. So, totally out of touch with the real world, as usual, and it’s all down to what the “experts” believe at that particular moment.

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Missed by a mile

“The NHS is clearly underfunded,” said the chief executive of the Patients’ Association. Which is utter tripe. No matter how much money went into the NHS, there would always be some politician or representative of a vested interest saying the same.
    The big problem with the NHS is the failure of its management to get value for the taxpayer’s money, particularly from drug companies, the failure of managers to chase up cash owed by foreign health tourists, money wasted on minority frills, which should be paid for by the current recipients,  etc., etc., etc.
    Only when the NHS is under competent management will anyone be able to make a sensible assessment of how much money it is getting compared to reasonable demand.

Proportionality & lifestyle

We’ve heard rather a lot about how 2016 has been a ‘brutal’ year for celebs. But let us not forget that some of them were kamikaze pilots. They scoffed non-nutritional comestibles and (non-)prescription pharmaceuticals by the ton, and rather than trying to avoid being noticed by the Grim Reaper, they spat in his eye on a daily basis and challenged him to do his worst.
    So, in some cases, it’s not so much a case of ‘taken so shockingly early’ as ‘how did he/she manage to last so long?’

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

In your dreams, mate!

President O'Bummer has lost the plot totally if he really believes that he would have beaten Donald Trump if he'd been allowed to run for a 3rd term as the Democrapic candidate in preference to the appalling Hillary Clinton. He's a busted flush, exposed as a man who said, "Yes, we can!" but then did nothing.

It's just a fair question.

The Queen asking, "Why can't we just get out (of the EU)?" is a question about the degree of political entanglement and obtuseness. It's not an opinion for or against Brexit. Except on a slow- or no-news day, of course.

Monday, 26 December 2016

Another way to take cash from mugs?

Watch NFL Network in HD on your phone? On a 2-inch screen? What the hell difference is HD going to make on a phone? Sheesh!

How cheerful!

It was Xmas day, so what did the Syfy TV channel have on offer? A series of disaster films all to the theme of a big freeze global disaster. Well, we know where Mr. Grumpy works now.

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Global warming? Bring it on!

It’s Xmas day, there’s no snow, the sun is shining and it’s a bit windy. If this is the product of man-made climate change, what the hell is wrong with it? More, I cry, give us more.

Believe it or what!

When Nicola Sturgeon, the self-appointed queen of Scotland, was at college, her nickname is alleged to have been “Seaweed” – because not even the tide would take her out.
    Whilst that’s a wonderful put-down; and oh, that it were true; I can’t help but think that it sounds a tad contrived well after the event.

Spend, Spend, Xmas Spend

Guess what I’m not doing today; or tomorrow, or what I didn’t do yesterday – sitting at my computer, scanning websites looking for alleged bargains. There were lists of these so-called bargains in the Daily Mail on Friday and it looked like someone had been barrel-scraping for gadgets I’d never be interested in acquiring to fill up the boxes.

Friday, 23 December 2016

Statistics you can really get behind. Not.

According to a CIA estimate, there are 35,000 Islamic State insurgents in Iraq and Syria.
According to a CIA estimate, 50,000 of them have been killed.

Wipe-out

The government’s plan to tackle the crisis in the care of the elderly seems to be working. The Office for National Statistics has reported an increase of 10% in the national death rate this year compared to the same period last year, and this is despite a lack of widespread illness or bad weather, which are the Grim Reaper’s traditional helpers.
    Most of the additional deaths were of people aged 65 or over, and around 40% were of people aged 85 or over. If this trend continues, the problem of the elderly will have gone away long before the Chancellor gets government spending under control.

Neddie Seagoon rides again

Prince Charles is in danger of being dismissed as a tool of the sneerocracy Establishment following his decision to equate the popular democracy that created Brexit and President Trump with fascism and extremism. Then again, not taking Prince Chazzer seriously is something of a national pastime. And so if he offered the nation a Thought For The Day on the steam wireless, few people were surprised to hear that it was a daft one.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Guilty, but so what?


The figurehead of the International Monetary fund, C. Lagarde, has been found guilty of criminal negligence in a public office. But as she’s French and entitled, she won’t lose her job. Because corruption is the norm for international organizations?

Nasty is as nasty does

There are some evil people in the world. After the news that Sergeant Blackman has been refused bail for Xmas, and that Britain’s aid to the most corrupt regimes in the world has gone up by 30%, it would appear that the most evil of them are to be found in the British judicial system and working for the Department for Overseas Development.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Practicality v posturing

The Crown Post Office strike foundered on the rock of Xmas. Most of the staff decided that they could not afford to give up most of a week’s wages with the holiday to pay for.

No room to talk

It might be fashionable to pretend that Nigel Farage is the worst person in the world, but when it come to vile bigotry, there’s certainly no shortage of it spouting from Captain Underpants and other members of Labour’s luvvie rent-a-gob set. Let us not forget that Mr. Bryant’s opinion and a bar of soap will let you wash your hands.

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

How’s this for subversive?

One of my acquaintances has just told me that the Putin regime engineered the elimination of the Russian ambassador to Turkey. His theory is that the Turks were starting to get a bit too comfortable after the recent thawing of relations and Putin, who never liked the guy, decided to make the Turks uncomfortable and put a better mate into the vacant job.

A bit like “under advisement”

Telling someone: “That opinion plus 59p will get you a 59p pack of chocolate-chip cookies at my local Aldi,” can be a good way of telling them they’re talking tripe.

Monday, 19 December 2016

Insanitary bastard!

RMT policy, as expressed by their president, is to drown the bastards in spit. Which bastards? The Tory government and its supporters. Which confirms that all the fine words about passenger safety during the Southern Rail strike are just hypocritical bullshit.

A revival of the candle industry?

One of the top bods at Ofgem, the energy regulator, expects a 2-tier tariff structure in the future. Those with plenty of cash to spare will form an upper tier and get as much electricity as they need. The rest, the nation’s paupers, will just have to get used to sitting in the dark or watch their day shrink to an hour either side of sunrise and sunset at the end of the year.
    This is an inevitable result of successive governments’ obsession with closing down “always on” power stations in favour of wind farms, which don’t product all that much power when the wind don’t blow; or, indeed, when it blows too hard.
    No sign of Mr. May and her crew doing anything to address the insanity precipitated by Red Ed Miliband’s Climate Change Act (2008), of course.

Intimidate, Intimidate, Intimidate?

J. Mercer, MP, has reported that stooges at the Ministry of Defence are sending middle-of-the-night text messages to try to persuade him, or coerce or threaten him, into not telling the country, in a report to be published in January, that the Iraq Historical Allegations Team is a monster, which needs to be put down. Exactly why they think this tactic will work remains to be explained. As does why the Prime Minister is letting it happen.
    There seems to be no appetite in the government for discarding the Historical Enquiries Team in Northern Ireland, which is now being run on behalf of the IRA and intent on putting British troops in gaol whilst ignoring Irish terrorist killers. Something else for Mrs. May to explain.

Yawnworthy Republicans

The reason why the gangs of Russian hackers released only Democratic party emails during the US presidential election period has been revealed. The Democrat ones were full of bile and sleaze and the Republican ones were too bland and ordinary to be damaging or worthy of notice.

Sunday, 18 December 2016

Practical presents

What are dog-lovers in Finland rushing off to buy their pets for Xmas? A vest which will protect the animal from an attack by a wolf, which is a serious problem there, apparently. The vest releases a blast of hot chilli power into the wolf’s face when punctured, so it’s a good aversion therapy.

Political flim-flam

We’re being told that the nation will become wonderfully better off if perks for millionaire pensioners, like the Winter Fuel Allowance and free bus passes, are cancelled. But this is just picking an easy target instead of doing anything useful.
    By the time the DWP has done an annual survey to identify millionaires and cut off their WFA, the chances are that there will be little or none of the “saving” left. And on an average day, how many millionaire pensioners are travelling around for free on buses?
    There are lots of real savings still to be made before the government is reduced to pandering to those with political grudges.

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Lots of Xmas cheer around. Not!

Railways, Post Offices; aircrew, both pilots and dinner ladies; airport staff – all leaping out on strke for Xmas. All we need now is the buses and the bin men for a Full House.

Friday, 16 December 2016

They don’t call them looneys for nothing

Those lovely Russian hackers got the blame for debunking Hillary Clinton and keeping her out of the White House. Now, a Labour MP is trying to tell us that they were behind the Brexit vote. However did we ever manage without Russian hackers to blame everything on?

Thursday, 15 December 2016

What are they hiding?

The World Meteorological Organization is claiming that a weather buoy logged a record-breaking wave, which was 62 feet high. The wave was detected in the North Atlantic between Britain and Iceland on February 4th, 2013. Which leaves wide-open the question of why the WMO kept quiet about the wave for nearly 4 years.

The UN to the rescue of these delicate flowers?

Bremainers seem to be trying to set records as the world’s worst Moaning Minnies. In fact, their response to articles in the Daily Mail and elsewhere seems to be that it was extremely rude of the newspapers to notice their habit of sneering at people who voted for Brexit and upset the Bremoaners’ delicate sensibilities by putting it in print. It can’t be long before the kind hearts at the UN feel obliged to step in and declare them a protected species.

Rail passenger safety or padding union membership rolls?

It would appear that driver-only trains are largely small ones with 3-4 carriages and that Southern Rail wants to extend this to 12-car commuter trains, into which 1,500 people are packed. This is the sort of grass-roots detail which builds a convincing case one way or the other. It’s certainly more useful than the crapola we get from union leaders and politicians.
    But then, in real life, we’ve got some guy with a sinecure job, who sits in his guard’s compartment between stops, messing with his phone. In a 1% case; or is it really a 0.0001% case?; the chances are that by the time the guard realizes anything is wrong, there will be 1,500 customers on their phones, complaining about the hold-up or taking selfies with the remains of the idiot who stuck his head out of a window and got it knocked off.
    When the guard leaves his safe zone, he’ll be confronted with the task of working his way through a jam-packed train full of hostile customers wanting to know what the hold-up is, blaming him for the delay and demanding to know what he’s doing about it.
    In the circumstances, it sounds like he’ll be a big help.

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Sometimes, the old ways are okay

We keep being told that we’re getting “policing for the 21st century”. But can you imagine Dixon of Dock Green getting pissed at an official police do and getting his tits (or anything else) out to wave at a colleague?

Just a reasonable response

Russia’s ambassador to Britain thinks we’re ‘overly hostile’ to his country. But why would we be anything else as long as Russia keeps sending its warplanes and warships into our space?

Monday, 12 December 2016

Pot, kettle, game, set and match

Sacked minister N. Morgan had a go at the PM for being photographed wearing a grand’s worth of brown leather Oxford bags – even though she herself has been photographed lugging around a shopping bag which cost £950. Which just reinforces the old adage that the only thing worse than a bitch is a hypocritical bitch.
    Oh, fuc*! Trousergate? How could they?

It was a by-election

All the BIG conclusions spun out of the Richmond by-election are bound to be tripe when there was a derisory turn-out and both the Liberal and the Goldsmith party candidates got 25% of the vote. Past voting history here was irrelevant. This was a straight by-election protest vote to tell Mr. Goldsmith he wasn’t wanted, and even then he did about as well as the Liberal.

Well, that’s that sorted out

The police obsession with dragging the late Sir Edward Heath into their hysterical child abuse fantasies has been explained by The New Statesman. One Eddie Heath, and employee of Chelsea FC, was accused of abusing young footballers in the 1970s and the police obviously think he went on to become the nation’s prime minister.

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Hidden messages in advertising

For some reason, I’d failed to hit the mute button during a commercial break in something I was watching on TV last night, and I heard someone boast that a product was “made with 4% recycled batteries”. My first reaction was: “Big deal!” And then I got the hidden message, which has to be something along the lines of: “Don’t even think about complaining about this product if it turns out to be crap because we’ve pushed the recycling button and we’re virtuous and fireproof.”

Saturday, 10 December 2016

It had to happen

Dave the ex-leader Cameron, now in the Unites States hoovering up some cash, is getting his alibis in place. He didn’t make a bog of the EU referendum with Project Fear and all that, he was stabbed in the back by an ungrateful electorate, which he is now accusing of the confected crime of “populism” in the hope that no one will think he’s to blame for his own demise.

Politeness is an effective weapon

Unfortunately, there are a lot of sad bigots around, who jump up and down ranting, “Racist! Racist!‡ Ban it!” when they see something that doesn’t agree with their narrow prejudices. But we more tolerant people are as generous as we are broad-minded, and we just murmur, “Nurse, he’s/she’s  out of bed again,” in the face of provocation and make sure that the poor unfortunate comes to no harm before being shunted back to his/her safe zone.

‡ or some other hate-crime accusation

Friday, 9 December 2016

Neither an exact nor a fair science

After all the departures this year; Greg Lake of King Crimson and ELP being the most recent, it’s getting to the point where you assume everyone you’ve ever heard of is now dead and you’re pleasantly surprised (in some cases) to find that they’re still around. And pissed off that the Grim Reaper has neglected certain others.

Is the PM going to do anything about this?

The idiots in charge of the Northern Ireland police farce have decided to reopen every single “fatal incident” involving British troops in Ulster when the IRA was on the rampage, killing and maiming people. Strangely, the Legacy Investigation Board is not at all bovvered about the thousands of murders committed by Irish terrorists.
    There’s clearly a political agenda involved and it stinks to high heaven that the British taxpayer should have to pay for the “investigators” to get their perverted jollies. The prime minister needs to get a speedy grip and ditch this nasty scheme for giving aid and comfort to terrorists. And whilst she’s ditching things, getting rid of the morons who hatched the scheme would be a good idea.

Thursday, 8 December 2016

Not exactly secure security

I made an online payment of several thousand pounds yesterday using my debit card, and at the MasterCard verification stage, I got a panel inviting me to fill in just about all the card data except the 16-digit number; that’s security number, expiry, the bank’s sort code, my account number and my name “as it appears on the card”.
    While I was doing all this, I started thinking that none of the information I was supplying wouldn’t be available to someone who’d managed to steal my card and use it online before I noticed the loss. No secret MasterCard password for big payments, which wouldn’t be available to the thief, for instance.
    I was being given nothing more than a façade of security; and I did not find that at all reassuring.

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

It’s an ambition

School careers officer: “What’s your ambition in life, son?”
Pupil: “To become old enough and dotty enough to become a High Court judge on £200K, sir.”
According to the Daily Mail’s ‘On This Day’ feature, American football enjoyed its first instant replay during a live TV broadcast today in 1963. When a touchdown was replayed, the TV station’s switchboard was jammed with callers wanting to know if the player had just scored for a second time.

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Well, this should put an end to migration

The current Gov. of the Bank of England has announced his plans for when he is evicted from the job in 2019. This Canadian clown is going to build an army of robots to put 15 million Britons; one-half of the workforce; out of work. His robots will take over all administrative, clerical and production jobs, and put bus, train, taxi and aeroplane drivers on the scrap heap. Oh, brave new world . . .

What was the Richmond by-election really about?

The only question on offer was: “Who do you want for your MP?” The message from the electorate was: “We don’t care as long as it’s not that ass-clown Goldsmith.” Thus about one-quarter voted for an air-head Liberal, a slightly smaller quarter still voted for Goldsmith and one-half of the electorate decided they didn’t care at all and stayed at home. Nothing about the EU or Brexit. Just straight: “Dump Goldsmith”.

Nobody loves a whinger

President-elect Trump was right not to be impressed by China’s attempts to bully him after he had a 10-minute phone chat with the president of Taiwan, one of America’s biggest customers for military hardware; mainly for defence against China. The Chinese regime is known not to be one of Mr. Trump’s favourites. Confected outrage is not likely to improve that situation. Thus Mr. Trump recognizes that it is vital to let the Chinese know very early on that he has no intention of taking any crap from them.

Monday, 5 December 2016

By Liberal rules, the Richmond by-election result was a vote for Brexit

In June, the area voted 70-30 (of those who could be bothered) for Bremain. In the December by-election, the Bremoaner Liberal candidate took 49% of the vote leaving 51% for the rest. So it was -21% for Bremoan and +21% for Brexit.

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Pointless cash shuffling

My Sunday Post tells me that London Underground has been fined £500,000 for an accident to a maintenance worker at a disused station. Which means that the government has just moved taxpayers’ money from one pocket to another. And wasted a lot more on the court case, of course. What’s the point of that?

Saturday, 3 December 2016

PC pillocks

East Cambridgeshire district council has banned the word ‘satisfactory’, which means ‘doing okay’, from staff appraisals on the grounds that it is not a pleasing word and workers would prefer to be classed as ‘good’, even if they aren’t.

So much for the truth

SNP MP A. Salmond offered fellow MPs a chance to bring Tony B. Liar back to the Commons to put the record straight over all the lies he told before the Iraq War of 2003. The House voted 439 to 70 against holding Mr. Liar to account.

Wobbly continuity

Zillionaire Zac Goldsmith threw a wobbly over a new runway for Heathrow airport, put his seat in Parliament up for grabs . . . and lost it to the Liberals. The victor in the by-election promptly threw a wobbly when she was asked if her keenness for a second referendum on EU membership means that her election should be repeated to let the voters have second thoughts, and she flounced out of the press conference.
    Her win was ‘a triumph for intolerance, fear and division’, according to her party. Or something like that.

Did you know . . .

. . . that allegedly ‘smart’ gas and electricity meters contain an internal cut-off switch, which is electronically operated? This is present presumably so that the company can cut off a non-paying customer without requiring access to their premises.
    But did you know that these cut-offs can be activated for no apparent reason? Certainly not a reason which the companies are willing to share with their customers, who are expected to sit in the dark whilst the contents of their fridge and freezer spoil, and/or shiver with no central heating, until an engineer arrives to reset the rogue meter.
    Sounds like the people who designed and built these meters are a lot less smart than they needed to be.

Fair’s fair

That former Chelsea footballer who was paid £50K hush money – is he going to have to pay it back, plus interest, now that he has reneged on the deal?

Friday, 2 December 2016

There’s a lot of it about!

There was always an air of the dilettante about Nico Rosberg. Retiring a few days after being handed the Formula One drivers’ title confirms it. He can’t hack it at the sharp end. After all, can you imagine Vettel, Ricciardo, Hamilton, Raikkonen or any of the others not going on for another title?

Je suis rubbish et je le sait

President Hollande has seen opinion polls forecasting that he will be lucky to win 7% of the vote in the first round when the presidential elections in France begin next year, and he has decided not to be humiliated further. Thus he will not be asking the electorate to give him a second terms.

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Mouth open, brain not engaged

Apparently, there are over 30 million dead Facebook clients, and the existing ones are croaking at a rate of 8,000 per day, and FB makes no attempt to weed out the non-active members. “One day, there will be more dead users than live ones,” and ‘expert’ has declared. But given that dead people can hardly be called ‘users’ of anything, the statement is bunk.

What’s behind the grand conspiracy story?

It gives the luvvie left an excuse for a total abrogation of responsibility. If we live in a world controlled by non-dom newspaper proprietors, whatever happens, it’s never anything to do with the luvvies. Because they are completely powerless and irresponsible and blameless. It’s the ultimate “Not me, Gov. I'm fireproof and a victim of a conspiracy.”
    Right.

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

You can't have it both ways

What's the point of a second referendum on EU membership if the country is controlled by a cabal of non-dom national newspaper proprietors, as some of the luvvie left would have us believe? These Masters of the Universe won’t have changed their minds and they’ll just use their backstage manipulative powers to produce the same result. Probably with an increased Brexit majority just to annoy the Bremoaners and their sidekicks.

More rewards for failure

The EU is giving its useless gang of civil servants a pay rise of 3.8%, so that's a Xmas bonus of €5K for Juncker the Cluncker, the president of the Europeon Commission, and a total wage of around €400K for a failed Luxemburger politician, who specialized in helping to facilitate international tax dodging.

The latest beef

Vegans are moaning their heads off because the new plastic £5 notes are made with a polymer mixture containing traces of beef tallow. So they’re going to boycott the new notes. But so what? Alternatives exist and if people insist on adopting weird dietary practices, then they must expect a little inconvenience.
    Oh, dear. It seems that tallow is commonly used in lots of products, including banknotes, so £10 and £20 notes probably contain it. Okay, it looks like the over-vocal vegans will have to use virtual money via bankcards and phones. Oh, no! They probably also contain tallow in the plastics used to build them. Looks like the vegan community will just have to fill up its collective pockets up with pound coins and lump it.

Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Be nice and this happens

The PM is sending 150 troops to Poland to defend our wartime allies against nuclear weapons deployed in Russian-occupied Koenigsberg, East Prussia. It is hoped that this gesture will persuade the Poles to be reasonable in Brexit talks.
    The response from the Poles has been a demand that British schools start offering Polish classes so that they can send all their kids over here to be educated at our expense.

A New Stone Age

The PM has been accused of cherry-picking Red Ed Miliband’s economic ideas. While we’re laughing at that notion, let us hope she doesn’t take a fancy to something more tangible. Like a May Monument to rival the Ed Stone.

It works both ways

The Bremoaners would have us believe that 68.93% of those who voted to Leave the EU have realized that they were bamboozled by non-dom national newspaper proprietors, and they have since changed their minds. So we need to have a second referendum.
    But isn’t it equally likely that 71.4397% of those who voted to Remain in the EU have seen how well things are going and changed their minds? And the result will go the same way again after wasting a whole lot of cash, which the government will have to borrow because current governments are constitutionally unable to live within our means?

Not so much a crime, more an attack of sour grapes

There’s a lot of talk about the EU ‘punishing’ Britain for daring to vote to leave it. Could someone please remind me when membership of the EU became obligatory and Britain’s decision to quit became a crime requiring punishment?
    Matters arising include the question of how the EU could punish Britain without inflicting at least equal, and probably greater, damage upon itself. After all, we’re talking about a nation which  is actually putting cash into the budget and which has a huge trade deficit with the EU.

Monday, 28 November 2016

Unbalanced and aware of it

There are people who will tell you that the BBC has to give a balanced view on everything when, in actual fact, it never does because the Beeb is structured to foster a certain type of mentality. Which is why it’s full of tax-dodging luvvies, people with a sense of entitlement as big as all outdoors and egomaniacs on frankly ridiculous salaries for what they actually do. It’s all about the BBC’s “our kind of people”. Like Sir James Savile, O.B.E.

Barack come lately

Outgoing President O’Bummer extending a hand of friendship to the Cuban people after the death of retired dictator Fidel Castro is a tad superfluous, seeing over 3 million of them are already living in Florida. It’s something that’s been going on for decades, mate.

Sunday, 27 November 2016

Wrong & repulsive

Global Warming Swindlers are like Bremoaners: events have exposed their flim-flam as bogus but they have made too big an investment of credibility to admit that they got it badly wrong.

Good to see the back of him

What do we make of the late Fidel Castro? Mugabe with more Russian cash. Russia’s deniable mercenary. And who took over when Castro got too feeble? His brother. How very North Korean.

Can’t cope, shame.

It has been revealed that broadcasting “legend” and Tory politician baiter Mr. “Are you free?” Humphries can’t manage his own kitchen. Apparently, he has to rely on his daughter binning all the out-of-date food from time to time. Which certainly throws a new light on Radio 4's Mr. Grumpy.

Something else for the TV sports channels?

Anyone else heard of FootGolf? Me, neither. Apparently, it’s played in 30 countries and there are even international tournaments. For the benefit of fellow ignoramuses, like anyone cares, it’s played with a full-size football on a course with 18 holes. The object, natch, is to get around with the least number of boots of the ball.

Saturday, 26 November 2016

Just a thought

If President Trump every goes to Moscow to meet Vlad the Putin, he’d be well advised to take a pocket Geiger counter with him to make sure that the tea is polonium-free.

Brain in neutral

An advert for Heinz Baked Beenz has been banned on ’elf ‘n’ narzi grounds. The ad shows people using empty cans as drums and the Advertising Standards Authority has banned it because the ad contains no warning that swallowing an empty baked bean tin could be dangerous for children.

He asked for it!

Tony B. Liar is now a self-proclaimed insurgent? Oh, good! That means the bastard can be shot on sight as a danger to good people everywhere.

Recalled to Life? Probably not.

The case of the 14-year-old girl, who was frozen after she died in the hope of being revived 200 years from no, has raised some predictable views. Such as:
    “The soul leaves the body at death so a reanimated body would be a soul-less zombie.”
    And the evidence for this claim is . . . ? Entirely absent, it would appear. It’s an opinion as lacking in proof as the notion that a frozen corpse can be reanimated.

John Major’s MAD

The former Tory prime monster has united with former New Labour fraudster Tony B. Liar to create a Movement for the Abolition of Democracy (MAD). Major, who labelled colleagues “bastards” when they opposed his efforts to sell Britain down the EU river, is fed up with being subject to the “tyranny of democracy”.
    He thinks direct rule by people like himself and Mr. Liar would be much better. He also believes in the Europeon policy of letting the people vote and vote again until they get the result right. Which is why Major and Liar are campaigning for a second referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU. And maybe a third if the answer still doesn't come out right.

Friday, 25 November 2016

How expert are these “experts” really?

According to the Institute for Fiscal Studies (headed by a Bremoaner, funded by the EU), the current decade will be the worst for living standards since the 1920s because these “experts” predict no growth in wages in real terms, which ignores the fact that current living standards, compared to the unemployment, poverty, endemic disease, etc. of the 1920s, are relatively wonderful.
    Even if the fat cats aren’t getting as rich as they think they should, we’re still doing okay.
    Even worse, the”expert” opinions are based on guesses made by the Office for Budget Responsibility, another nest of Bremoaners, which has a truly horrible accuracy rate when it publishes its guesses.

Good thing, bad thing

Democracy is fine as long as it goes the Establishment’s way. But if the people go their own way, it becomes “the tyranny of the majority”, according to former PM and europhile J. Major. Oh, those dreadful majorities! How undemocratic can you get!

Data disaster

Oh, dear. The Global Warming Swindlers have suffered another reverse. Data from the notebooks of polar explorers visiting the Antarctic up to a century ago has shown that the extent of the ice shelf there hasn’t decreased due to global warming. In fact, it has grown slightly over the 30 years for which there have been satellite observations.
    So the GWS are now telling us that the South Pole is less sensitive to climate change than the North Pole. Which kind of takes the global out of global warming.
    BTW: still no word on why the North Pole isn’t ice-free during the summer, as predicted by the GWS.

Thursday, 24 November 2016

Cops need fun too

What do you get if you park your hired Porsche, with the hazard lights flashing, illegally outside a Paris night club because you’re too refreshed to drive and you’ve decided to go home in a taxi?
    You get the car blown up by the police.

Insulated from reality

“Austerity is about living within our means”, our Conservative prime minister said yesterday. The words just bounced off the thick skulls of SNP, Labour and Liberal MPs, who believe in living at someone else’s expense.

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Damaged Goods

The Twitosphere might be full of garbage fly-tipped by twits but it can provide an interesting kite-flying area. Cue great consternation when president elect D. Trump proposed UKIP luminary N. Farage for the job of Britain’s ambassador to the US and exposed just how invisible the Establishment waxwork, one K. Darroch, has been. Exposed to the point of the Prime Minister needing to hold his hand and pretend she has confidence in him.
    Of course, Darroch has been his own worst enemy; he had the gall to slag off Mr. Trump during the presidential election campaign, which is what you’d expect from a paid-up member of the sneerocracy.
    Of course again, the Farage Notion might be just a bit of fun but it does have the secondary purpose of telling other political leaders that The Donald is not going to take any crap from them. And that is a statement worth making.

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Joe got it right, if only in the Stan Freberg version

You really have to wonder about the mentality of the CPS mob. The man accused of killing the MP Jo Cox is described as having a meticulously tidy bedroom with his books carefully ordered according to subject matter. So bloody what? You could say the same about my bedroom after it has been tidied up. And I refuse to believe that makes me a potential mad killer.
    He also has books about Germany military history. Me, too. And a baseball hat with the word Deutschland on it. Me not too, in that case. But again, so what? So much BS and padding dilute the real evidence. Like reading a letter from MP S. Kinnock to the court. What does that have to do with the matter before the court apart from nothing at all?
    CCTV, eye-witnessed and forensic are what count. Pathetic attempts at character assassination don’t. “Just the facts, ma’am,” as Detective Sergeant Joe Friday never said.

Eyes to the Sky Again

Here’s an interesting idea: when president, Donald Trump will take funds away from the not-so-great Global Warming Swindle to fund a Return to the Moon programme by NASA. And that includes diverting all the NASA personnel, who are currently pushing the GWS agenda, back to space research.

Monday, 21 November 2016

Sideline twerps

Some commentators need a good smack round the back of the head to introduce them to the real world. Like the guy who was moaning about what the Baltimore Ravens were doing at the end of their American Crunch match with the Dalla Cowboys yesterday.
    You’re 10 points down with a few seconds to go? You’re not going to win. Because the only way to win is to hurl a pass to the end zone and have it caught by one of your guys. It doesn't matter if the convert is any good because your only hope, in the last second, is to do a kick-off, mug the return guy for the ball and score a TD. And how often does that happen? Apart from never.
    A sensible commentator would just have made the usual vague noises about which college the players went to and wait for the final whistle.

Sunday, 20 November 2016

It’s a fair question

Could it be that the reason why no one has seen much of Hillary Clinton since the Presidential election campaign is that she’s in therapy, trying to get her head round the fact that the Great American Public picked Donald Trump in preference to HER!

An unwelcome sign of the times

Oxford Dictionaries, publisher of the definitive Oxford English Dictionary, has made post-truth its Word of the Year. It’s an adjective applied to the cod statistics and downright lies concocted by politicians, their spin doctors and their apologists when they’re trying to sell something dodgy to the public. [see Tony B. Liar’s WoMD in Iraq, Project Fear, etc.]

It’s a fair question

A quick flash after I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue on Radio 4: the BBC blaming Donald Trump for “sinking the world’s biggest free-trade deal”. Presumably, that’s the Trans-Pacific Partnership deal. But why would the other countries call it off just because the United States decided not to be in it? Or were they expecting America to pay for it? Or it could just be the BBC being the BBC.

Saturday, 19 November 2016

We’ve given up, sez govt.

The Daily Mail has been embarrassing the government with pictures of how much inmates of Her Majesty’s prisons are enjoying themselves with abundant drugs and takeaway dinners. So what is the response from Her Majesty’s government? An attempt to sneak through cancellation of some regulations to make prison life even softer. Do we remember when the Tories were the party of Lor ‘n’ Order? Nope.

Friday, 18 November 2016

Get gone

We’re not really encouraged to wish that people would be run over by the corporation dustcart and die horribly. But I’d make an exception in the case of Lord Kerr, who thinks we need more migrants because the native population is “so bloody stupid”.
    Of course, what got the racist lord’s goat was that we stupid idiots dared to vote against his cherished EU and his access to the gravy train. There’s nothing like self-interest under threat for bringing out the nasty side of the overprivileged.

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Warm welcome

President O'Bummer got a typical Greek welcome when he dropped in on their president in Athens: commies rioting and chucking fire bombs on the streets in an action replay of their reception for Bill Clinton when he did a stop-over in 1999, and dumb insolence and dirty looks from the guys in tutus and tights guarding the presidential palace.
    Clearly, no one told the outgoing US president that November is the official Bad Behaviour Month for Greece's communists.

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Eternal Mounting Scorchio

Guess what? This year is going to be the hottest year in recorded history. Which is becoming an annual event promoted by the not-so-great global warming swindlers. Of course, this latest hottest year thing is just an “assessment” intended to support the GWS at the UN, who are having another of their junket conferences in Morocco.

You pillock, George

The sacked Chancellor, G. Osborne hasn’t grasped the simple fact that the electorate doesn’t vote for a prime minister. They elect MPs and the leader of the largest gang of them becomes PM. Such monumental ignorance reflects some of the reasons why no one wanted Mr. Project Fear as Tory party leader and PM.

Monday, 14 November 2016

Alibi in place

H. Clinton is putting the blame for her defeat on the FBI director, who revealed that more of her dodgy emails were under investigation. So nothing to do with her poisonous personality and all her personal baggage, like the Whitewater thing and being responsible for all the dodgy emails in the first place?
    How ungrateful can you get? It’s only losing the election that kept her out of gaol. And her argument that it was her “turn” to be president because she’s a woman never held water.

Sign language

That thing American & Canadian footballers do, where they point upwards: I’ve often wondered what it means, and now I know. It means beware of the crap from the seagulls flying overhead. And having seen the numbers of them at the end of a CFL match in Montreal, there’s a lot of being ware to do!

What goes about . . .

There seem to be a lot of people trying to mark president-elect Donald Trump’s card and tell him what he can’t do in office; the Secretary General of NATO being the latest of them.
    If I were Mr. Trump, my reaction would be: “Back off. I’m not president yet, but when I am, you can be sure that your card is already marked.”

Sunday, 13 November 2016

Easily solved problem

’Uman Rightists are up in arms over the use of spit-hoods to prevent criminals from spitting at police officers. Fine. Their use can be abolished if the rules are changed to allow coppers to smack the spitter around the back of the head, in the manner of Special Agent Gibbs of TV’s NCIS, every time the criminal is disgusting.

Equality? Right!

Wee Burney Sturgeon, Scotland’s first natterbox, has written to H. Clinton’s to thank her for her contribution to politics and the way she has greatly advanced the cause of gender equality. I wonder if anyone is writing to Donald Trump in the same terms to thank him for turning the tide a little against the monstrous regiment of women, which includes Angie Merkel and all the main party leaders in Scotland?
    Maybe I should get right on with that myself.

Silly stories inspired by self-interest No. 616

The Whatevers are saying that Donald Trump is in the pay of President Putin and that’s why Hillary Clinton should take his place @ the White House. And their proof of that is what? Oh, we’re just going to have to take their word for it. And we’re just going to have to ignore the fact that they expect to stick their hands further into the taxpayers’ pocket with Whitewater Hillary as president than if Mr. Trump gets the job?
    How very Democratic of them.

Pointless posturing

The Whatever Tendency is having lots of fun in New York and other American cities. But what do they expect to achieve? A couple of minutes pretending to be Wolfie Smith on BBC news programmes which they will never see?
    Do they really expect Donald Trump to look out of his window, see the mob of Clinton’s Deplorables outside and suddenly realize that his election to America’s top political job was a big mistake and the people who voted for him got it badly wrong?
    Like that’s going to happen.

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Parasite protests

A visiting American friend described the rioting in the wake of President Trump’s victory as a collected panic attack by the fascist left and over-rated minorities, who see their privileges endangered by people who are not subject to the guilt trips, which worked so well for the Luvvie Tendency in the past. So it’s all about the money. Well, just as long as we know.

England Magic

That Screw You, FIFA, We’re Wearing Poppies international turned out to be a really strange affair. The Scots turned up disguised as Pink Panthers and England delivered a mirror-image of their normal performance. Instead of England thrashing about and getting nowhere near the goal, the Scots delivered a number of fruitless shocks and England kept sticking the ball in the net.
    Maybe this game can be preserved in aspic as a reminder of what England can do on their day.

Friday, 11 November 2016

Not very democratic, really
    11 November 2016

It’s true. President elect Trump’s victory was Brexit Plus Plus Plus with the Whatever** Tendency doing its usual spiteful moaning. They call themselves Democrats but their first instinct after a democratic election doesn’t go their way is to start rioting and burning stuff and behaving like demoCRAPs. Would the Republicans have done any of this if the Establishment had managed to rig the election the other way. Of course not.

** Utube link

Let us get real, people!

Putting the Clintons back into the White House would have been like putting the Blairs back into Downing Street. How much sleaze and corruption do you want?

Thursday, 10 November 2016

The ABC Principle

America has spoken, and it said “Anyone But Clinton” and delivered a resounding “NO!” to their version of the Blairs. Hillary Clinton’s fate is just a poke in the eye for the Establishment sneerocracy, who think that the world exists for their comfort and enrichment, irrespective of whichever political party or system of government prevails. First Britain, and now America has shown that the sneerocracy can be dented.
    Sometimes, the bad guys do come last.

Wednesday, 9 November 2016

A year of achievement

Brexit. President Trump. What next? Tony B. Liar in gaol?

Cloth-ears rides again

1. Does Captain Picard of Star Trek TNG really say: “to seek out new life and nuke civilizations”?
2. Let’s go back to Washington and moron the elections.

Another triumph for Nigel Farage!

The Man of the year for 2016 encouraged the British people to reject the corruption of the European Union’s pillockracy and the vested interests in British political circles.
    He delivered Brexit.
    Then Mr. Farage travelled to the United States to advise the Trump campaign on running its “Brexit Plus Plus Plus” challenge to the corruption of the political establishment there. Thus America has been spared a presidency during which Hillary Clinton would have been eternally looking over her shoulder, wondering if her next stop after the White House would be a gaol cell.
    And let us not forget: Donald Trump is Britain’s friend. Clinton never has been.

This one deserves a biscuit

The Students’ Union @ Reading University has come up with a good excuse for not entering University Challenge, which it has no hope of winning. The young fogeys have decided that they’ve been upset by Paxo the Inquisitor’s sexist remarks about their girls and they’re too deep in a huff to be able to pick a team.

Tuesday, 8 November 2016

Everything’s coded messages, these days

Take the FIFI ban on England and Scotland wearing poppies on their shirts for an international football match. Decoded, the message reads: “Where’s the effin’ bung?”

Losers’ Selective Justice

Frustrated Bremoaners are trying to get the CPS to bring criminal prosecutions for giving voters “misleading” information during the great EU referendum campaign. Of course, only Brexit advocates would face charges and everyone who had a hand in Project Fear and other Bremoan propaganda would not be banged up.
    The Bremoaners have had the cheek to send a letter of demands to the CPS. Sounds like the Bremoaners should be locked up for attempting to waste taxpayers’ cash.

Monday, 7 November 2016

A Law Made By Asses

The Hunting Act (2004) has turned out to be yet another piece of New Labour class hatred legislation which has achieved the exact opposite of its intentions. Membership of the registered hunts has never been higher and the demand for premium horses, which can jump obstacles and follow hounds, goes up and up.

The consumer remains swindled

National power consumption at the end of October was provided mainly by gas & coal (70%) and nuclear (21%). Most of the rest was imported from France. Wind power contributed just 0.6%. And yet the government is carrying on with New Labour’s crazy plan to ‘decarbonize’ Britain. Never mind Brexit, how does the PM think she’s going to keep the lights on?

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Up in smoke

A man who was arrested in St. Albans has admitted six charges of possessing old firearms. The police announced that there could have been six more charges but they cannot be laid as the evidence was blown up. Any old excuse to avoid doing a spot of work?

Saturday, 5 November 2016

Facing extinction?

“Not tonight, dear, I have a severe case of election loss of libido.”
    It would appear that another of these marvellous surveys has found that Democraps are at much greater risk of vanishing from the planet through refusing to breed. Which has to be something else that you couldn’t make up!

It’s democracy. Suck it up.

Who decided that judges are gods whose decisions are absolute? These pampered customers @ the public-sector trough deliver mere opinions, and in a democracy, newspapers and members of the public have an absolute right to disagree with those opinions, and do so forcefully, no matter how much it upsets vested interests and the luvvie lobby.

New world order

I must have dropped off for a couple of minutes but when did we vote to put a hedge fundista, a Brazilian crimper, a Bremoaner plumbing millionaire and a bunch of dotty, out-of-touch judges in charge of anything?

M. Le Pits

The French president, F. Hollande, has found a place in the Guinness Book of Records. His approval rating of 4% is the lowest since records began in 1846. Even Charles de Gaulle [the greatest cross I have to bear is the Cross of Lorraine; W. Churchill], whose subjects took to the streets in open revolt in their millions in 1968, never dropped that low.

Friday, 4 November 2016

Just wilful attention-seeking

“This is your decision. The Government will implement what you decide.” That’s what it said in the £9 MILLION Project Fear leaflet, which was issued after MPs voted 6-1 to dump the decision on Brexit on the electorate. No ambiguity, no spurious legal woffle there. That’s something that even the dimmest judge should be able to grasp.

Thursday, 3 November 2016

Government is bad for your health

New Labour bribed motorists to pick diesel-fuelled vehicles on spurious global warming grounds. Now, we’re being told that particulates emitted by diesel engines are the cause of lethal air pollution in cities, and owners of diesel-engined vehicles are going to have to pay a pollution tax to drive into 16 cities. Which won’t do anything about air pollution but will put cash into the government’s coffers to fund the next assault on the nation’s health.

Wednesday, 2 November 2016

The Right Direction

The raucous H. Clinton has just been ranting on the TV news about not going back, she’s going forward. But if going back means returning to a government system which is a corrupt mess, and going forward with the same people means more of the same, wouldn’t it be a good idea to go sideways with different people in charge? After all, they could hardly make things worse.

Posturing by the Clyde

Glasgow is to provide the country’s first official shooting gallery for drug addicts. Research elsewhere has found that providing addicts with somewhere to shoot up on the taxpayer conveys no benefits in terms of health and persuading the addicts to stop taking drugs. But Scotland under Wee Burney Sturgeon is now the land of “look at me” gestures.

Not the whole story

President O'bummer took office with the slogan ‘Yes, we can!' Eight years in the job, and nothing of any great value achieved, have shown that the slogan should have been ‘Yes, we can! But we can't be arsed!'

How typical?

I was reading an article on banks putting up interest rates and annual fees on credit cards, and the illustrations of how much more customers would pay were based on “a typical £4,000 balance”. Crikey! Do lots of people really owe that much on a credit card?

Monday, 31 October 2016

More smoke-screening

A Democrap senator tells the FBI it may have broken the law by doing its job of investigating Hillarious Clinton's emails close to the presidential election. That’s a cudda, mighta from an unreliable witness, who’s one of Hillarious’ apologists. Which suggests the Democraps are hoping to get their dodgy candidate into the White House and hoping she survives the inevitable impeachment proceedings if their campaign of intimidation fails.
   The Head Fed who released the news of the further investigation was accused of being long on innuendo and short on facts. By politicians. Pot. Kettle. Black.

Small Deal

We’re expected to be dismayed by the news that Dave the Leader’s decision to make no tax rises until 2020 a legally enforceable policy was done on the spur of the moment because he had nothing else to offer to the eager news meeja.
    But we already knew that Dave was like Tony B. Liar; all flash and no substance. So further proof of his general vacuity isn’t really needed.

Saturday, 29 October 2016

Operation Elvenden = Epic Fail

The Metropolitan police farce has managed to waste £20 million on trying to convict journalists of paying public officials for information, which was published in the public interest. Not a single one of the charges has stuck despite 5 years of thrashing about.

Brexit Bonanza

Apple is using the fall of the pound as an excuse to slap huge price rises (e.g. £500) on its products. The response from users of rival products is a rather unsympathetic: “If you’re mug enough to buy Macs and i-stuff, you deserve to be swindled”.

Friday, 28 October 2016

Diversity has a lot to answer for

Further to yesterday’s comments on diversity and incompetence: the National Audit Office has published a report showing that the incompetents running the cash-strapped NHS are still failing to bill health tourists from foreign countries for NHS treatment received. Ignorance, incompetence and the politics of the British Medical Association all play their part.
    There is £2 BILLION pounds per year involved, so not petty cash.

A bit more spectacle

Bernie Ecclestone, the F1 supremo, has an idea for stopping drivers exceeding the track limits in defiance of the rules: 16" high walls where the stripy bits end and the solid red or green starts. He thinks a mini version of the walls of street circuits, like Monaco, will concentrate a few minds, and give the public a few more spectator-entertaining crashes of those who fail to concentrate.

Weird sense of humour

The teenager who has been busted for leaving a ball-bearing bomb on a Tube train is claiming that it was just a prank. Which raises the question of what he thinks would be something serious. Blowing up a nuclear power station?

Things I really didn’t want to know No. 198

You’re in hospital, you feel at death’s door and suddenly, your doctor sits down at your bedside and starts asking what you think about your condition. Because it has just been revealed that doctors don’t really know what they’re doing and they need input from the customer. Which more or less confirms that we’re doomed.

Thursday, 27 October 2016

Maybe not that spiritual

A lot is being made of a Bronze Age-style barrow, which has been built in Cambridgeshire with niches to house cremated remains in a neat urn. It is being lauded as a revival of lost mysticism in an age of atheism and repellent rampant religion.
    But let us not forget that it is also a business and there is a 2-grand parking fee for storing an urn for 99 years. Which raises the interesting question of what happens when the time is up? A burial in a Bronze Age barrow was for the rest of eternity. But when the 99 years are up, is it into the black landfill bin to make a parking niche available to another lucky customer if there are no relatives available to cough up another parking fee @ whatever inflation has done to the current price after a century?

Want Cash? Create A Crisis

The Earth is facing a mass extinction, sez the WWF. No, not the World Wrestling Federation, the other one. Do we need to be worried? Not really. Mass extinctions have happened in the past during the planet’s 4.5 billion year history and, no doubt, there will be more before the Sun turns into a red giant and swallows the Earth in about 5 billion years’ time.
    Whenever there have been big changes in the climate, the Earth has continued to turn and life has continued in different ways. So why is the WWF trying to scare us? Because it wants more money off us for things like its part in the not-so-great Global Warming Swindle. There’s always a simple explanation if you take the trouble to look for it.

Untidy society

The flattening of the migrant camp @ Calais is making a lot of news, but it would appear to be an entirely self-inflicted wound on the French nation. This might seem rather Captain Obvious, but do they not have vagrancy laws and workhouses, in which to stash mendicants?

U-turn if you want to

The boss of the World Trade Organization has done a Brexit flip-flop. Having leapt aboard Dave the Leader’s Project Fear doom ‘n’ disaster bandwagon, he is now trying to grease up to Mrs. May. Now, he is telling the world that Brexit will not harm Britain and a vindictive attitude on the part of the EU will harm global trade.

Don’t mess with us!

Belgian carpet manufacturers are doing a bit of sabre-rattling in response to the generally hissy reaction of the EU’s management to Brexit. If EU bitchery results in a tariff barrier, which damages sales of their goods to the carpet-makers’ biggest market, there will be trouble, an industry spokesman assured our local news outlet.
    The Belgian fishing industry is also worried about loss of access to British waters, not to mention the manufacturers of the posh German cars so beloved of the highly paid in Britain.

Equality and common sense don't necessarily mix

There are millions of pounds being wasted on promoting the lefty luvvy diversity agenda. But all that has been achieved is that idiots and incompetents are grossly over-represented. By what set of standards can this be considered value-for-money for the taxpayer?

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

It’s the job

Should we be surprised that the current prime minister is on tape telling bankers that the whole banking industry would flee Britain if we dared to vote of Brexit? Not really. She was part of Dave the Leader’s gang at the time and she had to do the Project Fear thing to keep on message. It’s what politicians do.

Tuesday, 25 October 2016

If only

They’ve had the by-election and Dave the Leader has been replaced by a shiny new Tory and he’s off into the sunset to write his memoirs (or have them written for him), and then see if anyone will give him a job involving lots of dosh for not very much from him.
    Just think, if they had democracy in Russia, the same could happen to Vlad the Putin. Which probably explains why they don’t have democracy in Russia.

Monday, 24 October 2016

Look who’s talking

Sir P. Green, the bad guy in the British Home Stores shambles, should be stripped of his knighthood says . . . a gang of rogues, thieves, expenses swindlers, hypocrites and liars in the House of Common Criminals. Is anyone who matters likely to be impressed by their opinons?

Walloonatic politics

Britain’s politicians should get their heads around the fact that Britain will never get a worthwhile trade deal with the EU on leaving as long as all of the regions have to approve it. This means that a couple of hairs on the tail can wag an entire dog with a population of 500 million.
    Realizing this truth means that our government can devote its energies to cutting off our payments to a corrupt and wasteful EU budget; make arrangements to support vital British industries which are receiving recycled British taxpayers’ cash from the EU, such as farmers; cut off the usual parasites at their EU knees (we all know who they are) and concentrate on making trade deals with non-European nations which have a wieldy administration.

You love it secretly

There are some people who moan their socks off about the Daily Mail, especially one guy who always shoves it in the bin if he comes across a copy @ his workplace. But, paradoxically, his pet hate seems to be making a positive contribution to his life.
    It gives him the Joy of Outrage when he scans a copy and sees lots of views which oppose his own and a Glow of Virtue when he rejects them. He also experiences the Guilty Pleasure of Censorship when he creates a safe space for weaker-minded colleagues and thrust the offending newspaper into the bin.
    Why did God create the Devil? To let some people feel self-righteous all over when they resist the Devil’s influence. Why did God create the Daily Mail? For much the same reason, it would appear!

Sock it to ’em!

What Britains needs is the smack of firm government, and that smack should be delivered to the back of the head of P. Hammond and every other Bremoaner wobbler until they get with the programme.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

Tedious myth

I don’t go to the doctor very often. Which is a good thing. But on the rare occasions when I need to make an appointment, I have never met a “dragon” at the reception desk. Nor has anyone else, who has had my newspaper brandished at them after I’ve encountered this tedious cliché in some columnist’s efforts. Could we kindly bin this expression; except when the columnist is prepared to name names and publish a photograph to make his/her case?

Not just Bremain tunnel vision

There’s a lot of Bremain rage going around at the moment. The Bremainers feel let down by their fellow citizens, who failed to appreciate their point of view. They refuse to accept that they are in a political minority and they should accept that the political majority has a right to be heard. Which is a very leftie-luvvie point of view.
    Like leftie-luvvies, the Bremainers are convinced that they are right and everyone else is wrong, and the Brexiters must be made to admit their error to relieve the luvvie-Bremainers’ impure rage and frustration; or else.
    Exactly the same thing is going on north of the border, where those who failed to vote for Scottish independence in their “once in a generation” referendum are giving the SNP the hump to the same extent.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Exit bonus?

The Prime Minister says there will be give and take during the Brexit negotions (that’s a technical term for going through the motions of negotiating). As we’re leaving, it would be nice if the usual course of events were reversed, namely that the EU does all the giving and we do all the taking just for once.

Putin’s Manky, Rusty Sabre

The aircraft carrier is always accompanied by a powerful tug because it keeps breaking down. The plumbing doesn’t work and most of the toilets can’t be used. Water freezes in the pipes, which means that the supply to most cabins is cut off during the winter.
    One of ours? No, it’s the Admiral Kuznetsov, the pride of the Russian fleet which Vlad the hijo de Putin paraded through the Channel as his latest attempt to intimidate us with Russia’s military might.

Friday, 21 October 2016

Out of step

Oh, dear. The Chancellor is in the soup again. Mr. P. Hammond tried to shift the goalposts on immigration and got slapped down by the prime monster. Can he do anything right?

Thursday, 20 October 2016

ESA does a Beagle 2

Beagle 2 was the brain child of the late Professor Colin Pillinger of the Open University. It took a ride to Mars with the successful Mars Express mission in 2003 and all contact was lost during the descent. It was finally spotted in January 2015, when images from the HiRISE camera on the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter appeared to show that half of the solar panels had failed to deploy and they had blocked the communications antenna.
    The European Space Agency sent a probe called Schiaparaelli to Mars along with the ExoMars Trace Gas Orbiter with the object of testing the ESA landing system. Contact was lost with the probe yesterday during the descent to the surface, which means that ESA does not have something as effective as NASA’s bouncing ball technique for the vital last bit.

Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Garbage-time politics

Following the conviction of GCHQ, the government’s intelligence data HQ, for illegal hoovering of personal information, the midgets are at it. A Triv-Dem mouthpiece declared that “every pound the government spends on monitoring people’s emails, text messages and calls is a pound taken away from community policing”.
    But exactly the same applies to every pound wasted on pointless jobs at Liberal-run councils, all the cash wasted on overpriced “green” electricity and all the other global warming swindles embraced by the Liberals, and all the billions wasted by the public sector, as run by governments of all shades, on failing to get cost-effective deals on supplies.
    And dishonourable mention should also be made of David Cameron’s Troubled Families Programme, which has blown one billion pounds to no effect on trying to make bad people behave decently.

Monday, 17 October 2016

Why should we investigate if raider got in through open window? says top officer.

"Because it's what you're paid to do, you dozy bastard. No surprise you don't know that, though."
    No surprise that this attitude was taken by the Leicestershire police farce, which came up with the idea last year of doing burglary forensics only at even numbered houses. This latest stroke of policing genius was offered by the assistant to the big cheese, which shows how high up the food chain the rot has spread.
    Maybe the locals should decide that they can't be bothered paying the police precept in their council tax if their coppers can't be bothered providing value for money.

Sunday, 16 October 2016

Empty posturing

After 10 years in power, the Scottish Nationalists have proved themselves to be as useless as any other governing party. But they still haven’t run out of interesting ways to waste English taxpayers’ cash. Wee Burney Sturgeon, their First Meenister, would like to open a Scottish embassy in Berlin. Apparently, no one has told her that diplomatic stuff is the business of the UK government, not regional assemblies.

Well, who’da thunk this!

Just before the programme started, the continuity announcer told us: “Expect some scenes of violence in Midsomer Murders”. I think the clue is in the title, Captain Obvious.

Well, who’da thunk it!

A Royal Marines reservist is under arrest for stealing vast amounts of guns ‘n’ grenades ‘n’ explosives over a period of 4 years due to negligent security. A mouthpiece for the National Crime Agency claimed that “the weapons we seized are extremely dangerous”. Which means what? That the general public might have thought that Marines are issued with harmless weapons if he hadn’t put them on the right track?

Saturday, 15 October 2016

What about beating his wife? Has he stopped doing that?

Bank of England boss M. Carney has announced that he is not going to take instructions from politicians after the prime minister knocked him for scare-mongering, cutting interest rates unnecessarily and wasting cash on qualitative easing.
    What he really meant was that he would stop doing it as he did nothing but spout Project Fear at the behest of Messrs. Cameron and Osborne during their failed EU referendum campaign.

A pleasant change

When I look at the waxworks, posturing gits and outright crooks, who have bagged head of state jobs around the world, I do hope that the American people will have the courage to choose a man who is different and will be entertaining as their president rather than just another routine figurehead, who wouldn’t know truth, justice and the American way if they bit her ass off.

Friday, 14 October 2016

They’ll get you one way or another

Threats of a shopper boycott have forced Unilever to abandon their 10% across-the-board price rise using the value of the £ as an excuse. Especially as some of the items in dispute, like Marmite and Walls ice cream, are made from 100% British ingredients and not subject to fluctuations in the value of the £. Which won’t stop some less well publicized stealth price rises.
    Slight problem about boycotting Unilever at the Mansion, though. We don’t seem to use anything much made by Unilever as my staff have found better alternatives which offer much greater value for money.

Not fair; we’re outa here!

The government of the Maldive Islands, some 1,087 specks of coral in the Indian Ocean, has Mexited from the Commonwealth in a cloud of huff as a protest over the organization’s unreasonable requests. The Maldivians thought it unjust and unfair that they should be required to refrain from locking up political opponents and allow freedom of speech and an independent judiciary.

Thursday, 13 October 2016

You have been warned!!

A Putin kite-flyer, V. Zhirinovsky, is ordering Americans to vote for Trump because Clinton will start World War 3, for which America will get the blame. He declared that: “A victory for Trump would be a gift to humanity. But if Clinton wins, she will be the last US president ever.”
    Crumbs!

Hooray for them!

The nation acknowledges its debt to Edstone Miliband and Calamity Clegg, who have appointed themselves leaders of the Bremoan campaign to ensure that it sinks without a trace like their respective party leaderships.

Refugees (from reality) given a good home

The BBC has opened its doors wide to lefty luvvie Bremoaners. Anyone who has a suitable gruesome catastrophe prediction to make about Brexit is guaranteed abundant air-time. The BBC, which has a sense of entitlement as big as all outdoors, sees nothing wrong with pandering to its own special interest group: the sneering elite.

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Would it have made a scrap of difference?

We are being invited to believe that Mary Whitehouse was right and that if everyone had listened to her in the 1970s and 80s, then the country would be a much better place with no pornography and women placed on pedestals to be respected and worshipped rather than to make it easier to look up the lady's skirt. No Kardashians and no filth on Channel 4.
    Fine. If we can ignore the influence of the rest of the world around Britain, which didn't have the benefit of the Whitehouse crusade, and pretend the internet never happened. And that every other nation is fine and upstanding, and it was the British who encouraged them to embrace filth and degradation lustfully and enthusiastically.

“New, but not as we know it, Jim.”

The Russians would have us believe that Boris Johnson urging peace protesters to march on the Russian embassy over their bombing of civilians and other war crimes in Syria is a new form of diplomacy. That’s “new” as in we expected to forget all the decades of demos led by Russia’s paid stooges?

Shorter but better

According to the Europeon Union’s propaganda and popular enlightenment department, the Scots might have a much lower life expectancy than the English but they have a better quality of life. That’s despite their country having the worst rate of personal safety in the UK and the fact that they are worst off in areas such as nutrition and personal medical care.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

The revenge of technology?

It was interesting to read that Samsung has been obliged to recall its latest range of portable phones as the replacement batteries, which were issued for an initial release of exploding ones, have proved to be just as explosive. Is this technology fighting back? Man has exploited technology relentlessly. Are the machines starting an explosive jihad against Man?

Monday, 10 October 2016

Another bullet dodged

Eight years ago, theGrauniad gave us 100 months to save the planet from soaring temperatures due to the Not-So-Great Global Warming Swindle (it's getting colder, it's October), melting ice caps (they're refreezing again after the usual summer melt), dangerously rising sea levels (nope), more hurricanes & more severe ones (nope), and more & more severe tornadoes (not in the United States, where the rate is at a record low).
    In fact, all that the rise in the atmospheric carbon dioxide level has done over the last 8 years is to increase crop yields everywhere. Is it possible to be more than 100% wrong? Looks like theGroaner has managed it!

Something else off the Xmas list

Mondalez International, owner of the Terry’s Chocolate Orange, has shaved the sections internally so that the product looks the same size but now provides 10% less chocolate for the same price. So something else to stop buying, especially as the oranges are now made in Poland instead of York.

Saturday, 8 October 2016

Thought for the day

If God is really such a good guy, why does he condemn people to burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity? Does this God person have no sense of proportionality?

Traingate becomes Guardiangate

The Grauniad has been obliged to issue a grovelling apology for its traingate scoop, which was printed instead of being checked and dismissed as just a “gizmo news release” from a Corbyn stooge. The Groaner also apologized for editing paragraphs out of the article to make Virgin Trains’ service look even worse.
    The whole fiasco arose after the Labour leader, J. Corbyn, sat down on the floor in a Virgin train with lots of empty seats and claimed he couldn’t find one; having abandoned his wife, who was travelling with him, because he wanted the story to be just about him.

Friday, 7 October 2016

Entirely wrong approach

There’s an energy crisis in Britain because successive governments have bought the not-so-great global warming swindle and failed to ensure that there is enough power generation capacity to meet demand. What’s the Big Solution? Wasting lots of money on smart meters to intimidate people into not using electricity. The ambition is to put in every kitchen, a gadget which goes crazy when the customer plugs something in, such as an electric kettle.
    But, as lots of others have pointed out, no matter what the gadget does, the customer isn’t going to unplug the kettle, or another gadget, until it has completed its job. So what’s the point of the gadget? What is needed instead is smart customers.
    Another false positive of the smart meter is that it eliminates the “misery” of an estimated power bill. But there are lots of energy customers who are capable of reading a meter and inputting the results at the power company’s website. Which means that a whole lot of cash can be saved by giving smart customers a suitable bonus in recognition of their efforts and dishing out smart meters only to those who need them.

Thursday, 6 October 2016

It’s the way they write them

My eye fell on a headline in today’s Daily Mail reading: So who does want to succeed Nigel?
    Below it was a square comprising 4 blocks of text, each listing the qualities of a prospective replacement leader for UKIP, each with a purple headline.
    The first read: THERESA MAY FAN Oh, a Chinese lady with the same first name as the PM, I thought. But MAVERICK OUTSIDER, NIGEL’S BITTER RIVAL and SURPRISE CONTENDER showed that I had been guilty of putting my own interpretation on things yet again.

Innocent even though guilty

M. Mahmood, a.k.a. the Fake Sheikh, led lots of “celebs” into temptation and humiliation when he exposed their greed and susceptibility to drug deals in various newspapers. Now, he’s going to gaol for evidence tampering and the ambulance-chaser trade is busy lining up “celebs” to sue him for damages. The “celebs” are also hoping for a free pardon, but that’s looking unlikely in most of the cases.
    £800 million is being tossed around as the total of the claims. Which leaves the rest of us asking where the ambulance chasers and their gullible clients expect Mr. Mahmood to get that kind of cash from. And how this total of £800M was reached is also a mystery.

Frustrated & Nasty

In the good old days, there was patriotism and a “my country right or wrong” attitude. These days, the lefty luvvies can’t find enough uneducated people to patronize and bribe in this country so they have to look abroad for customers. Hence their even more poisonous than usual stance and their “my country, always in the wrong” message.

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Recently in British government circles . . .

The Home Sec., A. Rudd, would have us believe that she can introduce legislation to make it easier to deport criminals from EU countries, who are currently unshiftable due to 2004 free-movement regulations. And unduly lenient prison sentences will be jacked up. Sadly, there is no danger that the judges who handed out the lenient sentences will be made to line up in a public place for a compulsory slap on the back of the head, as administered by Special Agent Gibbs of NCIS when one of his gang screws up.

Oh, dear! Our Chancellor, P. Hammond, has turned out to be a Corbyn-lite Brownite, who thinks “investing” the taxpayer’s cash; in the Gordon Brown sense of investing in a pint of beer down the pub; will cure all ills. Bummer. Living within the nation’s means seems to be off the table whoever is in power.

The Chancellor, a Bremoaner, is getting a bit of a booting from Cabinet colleagues over his attempts to talk Britain down to “prove” that the Project Fear created to frighten the electorate during the EU referendum campaign was justified. But his colleagues are letting him know that rigging the present to make himself look right in the past just isn’t on.

The goverment is planning to root out illegal migrants who are working here and take action against people employing them in a bid to make employers recruit British people.

Tuesday, 4 October 2016

Weird sports fan profiling

TV stations have some weird ideas about what sort of people watch American & Canadian football. On Sky, you get wall-to-wall funeral plans in the adverts during NFL matches. When watching the CFL on BT Sport, if it’s not some Cockney git saying he spends 24/7 on a betting website and he “gambles responsibly”, it's some smarmy arty-farty guy saying he treats his gambling deals like his arty deals. Do we conclude from this that N/CFL fans are all broke because they’ve spent their money on a funeral plan and gambled away the rest? (responsibly, of course)

Monday, 3 October 2016

All mouth & trousers

President Hollande of France, who presides over a basket-case economy, has accused Britain of not taking migrants. He clearly has not noticed that some 400,000 French economic migrants have crossed the Channel to Britain to get away from him.

What do “experts” know, anyway?

In 2007, an “expert” at Cambridge U. forecast that the Arctic would be ice-free by 2013. Didn't happen.
   In July 2008, the Independent predicted that all the ice would be gone by September of that year. Didn't happen.
   In 2012, the “expert” predicted that the ice would be gone by this year. What we got was the earliest start to the refreeze for 19 years and the fastest rate of refreezing since the Danish Meteorological Institute began collecting daily records in 1987.

Saturday, 1 October 2016

Mess without ending

The shambles of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse has lost the QC who was its leading counsel, and also his likely successor. That’s in addition to three chairmen, all ladies who were blown away for one reason or another.
    And yet, the prime minister seems keen to keep this conspicuous waste of £100 million of taxpayers’ money chugging along to the inevitable catastrophe. Is she hoping to be gone before the blame lands?

Take that, you cads!

Boris Johnson has announced that he is prepared to bust a gut to get his partial ancestral home, Turkey, into the EU. The plan is widely seen as an act of defiance against the moaning minnie Eurocraps, who are threatening to do Britain over as we head for a clean-break Brexit from the EU.

Unreality TV

Putting cameras on coppers has resulted in a huge fall in complaints about police conduct. There are two reasons for this: No. 1 – coppers control when the cameras are switched on and they can switch them off when they want to be rude to a member of the public. No. 2 – coppers know when their camera is on and when they have to behave like a normal, decent person and stop being rude to the customers.

Friday, 30 September 2016

Better off out

The European Court of ’Uman Rights has ruled that police forces everywhere must inform criminals that their life could be in danger if the coppers discover that rivals are plotting against the criminal in question, and threatening to infringe the scumbag’s ’uman right to life.

Thursday, 29 September 2016

Hooray for us!!

The EU referendum was like a replay of the Civil War – only without all the cannon and cavalry charges and dead bodies. Back then, the Cavaliers were billed as “romantic and wrong”, and the Roundheads were “repulsive and right”. Not to mention a miserable bunch of Puritan gits who closed the theatres and banned Xmas and destroyed ecclesiastical art, good and bad alike.
    The Brexit camp was unco-ordinated and underfunded and right, the Bremainers were vested-interest scaremongers with taxpayers’ cash and wrong. And, wonder of wonders, the much reviled British people made the right choice.
    Hooray for us!!

Something doesn’t add up

We keep being told that pensions are becoming unaffordable and the NHS is being swamped because people are living longer inconveniently. And yet – two-thirds of Britain’s adult population are fat or obese and 80% have a prematurely aged heart, according to the latest medical shock-horror. Which means that they are likely to die early of heart failure, a stroke or some other complaint of old age.
    If Britons are so unhealthy, how are they managing to survive to pension age and beyond?

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Nasty Nutters On Purpose

J. McDonnell, who is being overpaid as Labour’s shadow chancellor, is having a laugh. Knowing that he will never be required to put it into effect, he trotted out the daftest menu of looney left spending imaginable for the Labour party conference. And the wonder of it all is that people actually bothered to take him a bit seriously instead of giving him a polite smile for a feeble joke.
    Of course, there’s also an element of political strategy involved in that the nastier and crazier his acolytes are, the nicer and saner, and less like a garden gnome, the leader, J. Corbyn, seems in contrast. Funny old business, politics.

Don't bother to duck, it will be too late!

An 8.5 ton artificial meteorite, the Chinese space laboratory Tiangong-1, is about to hit Earth sometime in 2017 . . . somewhere. The Chinese version of NASA has no idea where it will crash as the defunct module is spinning out of control following a systems malfunction.
    This cock-up is down to representatives of the same Chinese regime which is being allowed to be involved in building a nuclear power station at Hinckley Point. [If they can steal enough technology from the Yanks.]

Monday, 26 September 2016

Out, vile blot!

How strange that some Labourites are trying to dump their domestic violence mouthpiece because she has form (allegedly) for violence against her ex-husband. How typical of Labour not to value on-the-job experience!

Off-target

Surely the producers of Coronation Street have blundered in sacking a Pakistani actor for ranting at Indians on antisocial meeja. Everyone knows that only white people can be racist. That’s what the lefty luvvie lobby would have us believe, anyway.

Change should go many ways

There have been lots of protests in the USA about black people being shot by (black) cops and a demand for change. Okay, wouldn’t it be nice if black people changed so that they lost their image of someone likely to have a gun and/or a knife and be a danger to life and limb?

Here’s a good one . . .

There could well be a good reason why Tony B. Liar is spinning an 80% cut in his money-grubbing: he’s now a busted flush. The world’s despots and tyrants won’t us him as an image consultant because his terrible reputation as the worst person in the world shows that he’s crap at it.
    Worse, he has a reputation for failing to deliver on deals and promises of access to people wielding the levers of power.

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Rotten to the core

M. Schulz, the head of the Euro parliament, has committed a grotesque libel on Brexit supporters by accusing them of killing Jo Cox, MP. It just underlines the fundamental nastiness of those who have their noses buried deep in the Euro-trough.

Friday, 23 September 2016

The wheels grind dead slow? More like dead stop!

Yahoo! has just discovered that the company was hacked back in 2014 and 500 zillion customer details were copied. The big question now is why did Yahoo! take so long to realize it had been reaped? State-sponsored hackers (Chinese, Korean, Russian, etc.) are getting the blame as this sounds a bit better than scumbag criminal hackers looking to make loot out of it.

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Off-target Aussie

An Aussie academic is taking a pop at Shakespeare because he has found that many of the expressions which the bard is credited with inventing appear in earlier texts.
    Yes, Shackspeare used phrases like “it’s all Greek to me” and “wild goose chase” in his plays, but it was academic vultures picking over them, like Dr. D. McInnis, who made all the claims of invention, not the man himself.
    And if the vultures didn’t have access to the earlier texts consulted by the Aussie, or were too lazy to dig them out, that’s hardly the fault of Mr. Wm. Sheksper.

Be very afraid! Pointlessly

The Office for National Statistics, the Bonk of England and even the OECD and the Bremain-supporting foreign big banks have realized that the Cameron/Osborne Project Fear scare campaign before the EU referendum was just that – intended to scare but built on lies and devoid of substance. Britain is still doing okay after the Brexit vote.
    So what about a public apology, Dave ‘n’ George? Not to mention Lagarde of the IMF, Carney of the BoE, all the “eminent economists” who predicted utter disaster and all the other stooges who got it so wrong.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Recycling? Hardly

A woman has been convicted of recruiting her ex-husband and her son to murder her boyfriend. The noteworthy thing about the case is that they stuffed the body into the box for a flatscreen TV before dumping it.
    It must have been a bluddy big TV!

New opportunities

Tony B. Liar sez his money-grubbing days are over and he’s giving up his secret empire of cash-hiding companies. From now on, he’s going to work for free for 80% of his time. So if anyone has an illegal war they need to get started, they know where to go.

Monday, 19 September 2016

Polytricks abroad

The turnout at this month’s elections in Russia was at a very low level for the simple reason that only people willing to vote for Vlad the Putin were allowed into polling stations, where the staff were busy ignoring the CCTV cameras and stuffing votes in the boxes in the sure and certain knowledge that no one would dare to object – if they knew what’s good for them.

Saturday, 17 September 2016

Tell us something we don’t know

“Very often it is said that bank robbers and poachers are among the very best to serve our police farces,” sez Juncker the Cluncker, the president of the European Commission, which is as clear an admission that you could want that the Europeon Union and its institutions are run by superannuated crooks, fraudsters and accomplices of the above.
    But then, the EU is the institution that let its anti-corruption commissioner, a certain N. Pillock, sack the only woman in a position of authority, who was trying to put a crimp in the activities of those engaged in fraud and corruption.

Friday, 16 September 2016

Poor me!

Russians hackers releasing details of legitimate drug use by athletes of other nations, under proper medical supervision, could be significant. It is possible that further revelations about institutional doping in Russia are about to come out, and they’re trying to get an “everyone else is doing it” defence in place before the bad news breaks.

Then what?

The Labour party’s shadow to the chancellor, J. McDonnell, a self-proclaimed Marxist, is busting a gut to bring down capitalism. But if no one has any capital, what then? Universal poverty? Well, yes, we’d all vote for that.

Thursday, 15 September 2016

Self-indulgence

What do self-indulgent gestures on the sports field, like larking about during the American national anthem, add up to? They’re simply out of place, and an insult to every American who was sent to die under the American flag regardless of the legality of the cause or the wisdom of the president who sent them on it. There are better and more honest ways of protesting.

Eurobollocks

According to Europeon Commission president and hate criminal J.C. Juncker, if he starts staggering about after drinking lots of free booze, it’s not because he’s an alcoholic and he’s pissed. No, it’s because he was in a car crash in 1989.
    Nul points for credibility but a couple for imagination.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Ignorance is no excuse

Take note everyone writing or spouting (like M. Carney, the overblown Gov. of the Bonk of England) about the new plastic five pound notes: “polymer” is not “a type of thin, flexible plastic” any more than “wood” can be defined as “a material derived from trees and used to make walking sticks”.
   Polymer is a generic term for materials consisting of chains comprising lots of (poly) units (mers) of a chemical compound, e.g. polyethylene (polythene), polyethyleneterephthalate (PET or Terylene™) and organic materials such as proteins and DNA.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Cameron quits parliament to make more millions

“Brit’s don’t quit” was his cute political slogan. So does that mean Dave the ex-Leader is not a proper Brit? He certainly wasn’t a proper Tory, having few, if any, political values and he saw himself as the heir to Blair, as evidenced by his penchant for flash without substance.
    Just as Tony B. Liar wormed his way into Downing Street by not being the Tories, (although Mr. Liar did embrace Tory values when it suited him), so Dave the Leader snuck into power by not being Labour.
    Now exposed as a busted flush, like his mentor, he is quitting to cash in and put himself about where the real money is to be made. And if nobody wants him, then it’s a good bet that the fragrant SamCam will deliver the goods, cashwise, in the posh frocks trade.

Monday, 12 September 2016

Absolutely Glueless

If you think the level of organization by public servants in Britain is bad, imagine how the poor old Austrians feel. They tried to hold a presidential election in May but the result was annulled by a legal challenge to the way it was run. A new election is due on the 2nd of October but whoever bought the envelopes for the postal votes must have gone to his cowboy brother-in-law. The glue on the flaps doesn’t work, and votes which arrive unsealed are invalid. Get out of that!

“On behalf of” Racialism needs addressing

The Great British Xmas is under threat, a government survey has shown. Anti-British lefty councils are trying to suppress traditional British values in their eagerness to ingratiate themselves with migrants. The only cure would appear to be to appoint a corps of inspectors tasked with supporting the British way of life, people who will slap recalcitrant council officials and members around the head until they acquire a modicule [that’s a cross between a molecule and a modicum] of common sense, decency and an appreciation of British values.
    It that doesn’t work, sackings for misconduct in a public office are inevitable. The alternative is letting things happen like the police ignoring child abuse by ethnic minorities on spurious political correctness grounds.

Emerging from the woodwork

The Labour poseurs, who resigned en masse in protest against the Corbyn leadership, are gearing up to swallow their principles (if they have any) to allow themselves to bury their noses in the trough again via shadow cabinet jobs. The poor dears are feeling the pinch and missing the perks.

“Is your brain switched on, Mr. Humphrys?”

The BBC is jam-packed with warmists, who don’t have a clue what they’re going on about, as Christopher Booker, prompted by a reader, pointed out in yesterday’s Sunday Telegraph. The expert on everything John Humphrys interviewed a vulcanologist at the beginning of the month about the Tambora eruption of 1815, which was the biggest volcanic event on record. It was the one that turned 1816 into “the year without a summer”.
    When told that the aerosol of particles emitted by the volcano caused a drop in global temperatures of 0.7 deg.C, Mr. Humphrys was far from impressed. “Not a huge amount, then?” to quote the man himself. And yet 0.7 deg.C is the amount of the net rise in temperatures over the whole of the 20th century, which the warmists of the BBC have concluded is grounds for panic.

Saturday, 10 September 2016

It's a fair question

Are the police pathetic and useless? Well, if it took the Met about 6 hours to remove 9 exhibitionists who'd chained themselves to a lump of wood on the runway of the London City Airport, then the answer has to be yes.

Not exactly a Wall of Death

The government is going to waste £12 million on building a mile-long Trump wall at Calais. The wall will be only 13 feet high, which is readilly accessible to even a modest ladder, and the drop on the other side from arm's length is nothing much. Government is all about posturing and cosmetic solutions? Always has been, always will be.

We’re doomed, we’re doomed!

The planet has been saved from supermarket plastic bags. It’s about to be saved from microbeads in cosmetic products. But it’s still doomed. The silly little pots containing a couple of grammes of coffee that go into fancy espresso machines are going to overwhelm our civilization thanks to some former TV star called Clooney. Bummer.

Friday, 9 September 2016

It’s a good story!

There was a wonderful story from an on-going rape case in the paper yesterday. Apparently, when the accused produced 10" of meat with a circumference of 4", the lady went, “EEEK!”, slammed her legs together and nothing happened. As the blessed Little John of the Daily Mail says, you couldn’t make it up.

Educational ignoramus

Grammar school opponent D. Swayne, a Cameroonie, thinks it’s dreadful that children who don’t get in to a grammar school “would have to be bussed elsewhere”. Maybe someone should tell him that 11- to 19-year-olds are perfectly capable of catching a bus, or even a train and a bus, to get to school and they’ve been doing it for a lot longer than he’s been around.

Ham actors = hamsters?

There’s a rather robotic TV wrestler called A.J. Styles, who recently transferred from TNA to the WW. He’s now doing a script which lets him describe himself as ‘the Face that runs the Place’. But the gang at the Mansion which watches the antics of the hamsters keeps coming up with alternative slogans for him. Like:

The Clown that runs the Town
The Titty that runs the City
The Berk that’s a total Jerk


    and my personal favourite:

The Arce that runs the Farce!

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Nut-job warning

The Bank of England needs a new governor as the current one, some Canadian clown called Carney, seems to have gone crazy. He must have if he believes his own claim that the Cameron Clique’s Project Fear saved the British economy from collapse as a result of the Brexit vote.

Wednesday, 7 September 2016

Disgraceful!

I’ve been amusing myself by scanning the views of unhappy Bremainers, and I have realized that it really is a dreadful shame that people they view as uneducated and unworthy were allowed to abuse the democratic process to frustrate the wishes of their betters.
    In fact, the sorry Bremainers paint such a terrible picture of the democratic majority that another thought occurred to me: that if the EU had any moral sense, it would have booted Britain out years ago.
    But then, we’re talking about the EU, a Jim Vaz of international politics, which, if it were to change its official name to Corruption Is Us, everyone would still know what we’re talking about.

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

More Vaz thoughts

It would be really nice if the MP Jim Vaz threatened to sue would write back to the Vaz solicitor and say something along the lines of: ‘Thank you for your recent letter. My response is to invite your shabby client, and your shabby self, to sexual intercourse in the general direction of off. Have a nice day.’
    But that won’t happen, either. Shame.

Too late, mate!

Someone should have told “Jim” Vaz that when Ken Livingstone starts making excuses on your behalf, you’ve left it way too late to resign with a scrap of dignity left. Now that he’s been obliged to resign from his Commons committee job a whisker ahead of the first ever vote of no confidence, is he going to issue a public apology to all industrial washing machine salesmen called Jim for bringing them into disrepute?
    Probably not.