Wednesday, 31 May 2017

A need for action!

Just a thought, but maybe we need to encourage the crisis-junkies who are convinced that something terrible is going to happen at any second. Why? Because the exercise people get when they’re jumping up and down screaming “We’re all gonna die!” will do something to help avert the obesity crisis.
 ● Of course, we’ll have to encourage them to take turns to do their jumping to avoid knocking the planet out of its orbit! “Oh, no! The Earth has been sent zooming off into outer space! We’re all gonna die!”

You know what to expect

Does it really merit reporting if Jeremy Corbyn has a car-crash interview on some radio programme? That’s what he does. He’s not a details man. He’s good at making plans to spend vast amounts of other people’s money, without having the slightest idea where it’s coming from, and at making friends with terrorists and Britain’s enemies. And that’s it.

Too rich to be in touch?

Labour’s shadow foreign sec. E. Thornberry, thinks we couldn’t export food to Australia because it would go off on the long journey there, and she has been showered with derision as a result. But let us be charitable to the lady. If she’s in Corbyn’s cabinet, she has to be a barrel-scraping and it is entirely possible that the multi-millionaire Lady Nugee, to use her title entitlement, has lots of staff to handle her food requirements and she doesn’t need to know that technicalities, like refrigeration, are available.

Reality biting?

The vast international conspiracy, which had the Manchester Arena bomber at its tip, is starting to evaporate. The police are now starting to say they think he acted alone and releasing some of their prisoners without charge. Now, we have to decide if we feel reassured if the initial frantic thrashings about came nothing much.

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Well, who’d-a thunk it!

One of these good for a laugh surveys has shown that people with the best academic qualifications vote Liberal. Which just confirms what was well known already; namely that those with their heads in the clouds have very little contact with reality.

Monday, 29 May 2017

Society is to blame!

Is the guy who won this month’s presidential election in Iran a ‘moderate’? Oh course, he isn’t. He’s Iranian. He’s a fascist-communist-style despot and sponsor of international terrorism. He couldn’t possibly be anything else, given the current set-up in Iran. Anyone who thinks any different has to be descended from the 4 Wise Monkeys.

What do they want, exactly?

The Warmists are getting on President Trump’s case for not rushing to endorse their ruinous scams. But whilst they jump up and down yelling, “We’re all gonna fry!” and hurl about statistics showing that we’re having the warmest days/months/years in recorded history, let us just take a moment to wonder how much human history their ‘recorded history’ covers.
    Recording most of the ‘official’ data began decades (especially satellite data) or up to a century ago, and in a period when the planet is rebounding from a major ice age and also from a mini-ice age. This is a pretty insignificant fraction of the history of a planet which has been covered in ice and covered in dinosaurs at one time or another.
    Something we never seem to hear is what exactly the Warmists think is wrong with the Earth’s present climate and what they want to inflict upon us after they have ‘tackled’ global warming.  Just how cold do they want it to be? And has someone sold them shares in a company which proposes to hold Frost Fairs on the river Thames once we’re free of the threat of dying of heat-stroke? And even if the Warmists were able to modify the Earth’s climate (which they can’t), could anyone trust them to do a competent job of it?
    If consulted, most people would tell the Warmists that the climate is okay and a bit warmer would be really rather quite nice. So when they jump up and down and rave about the hottest year on record and imaginary ‘tipping points’ from defective computer climate models and yell, “We’re all gonna die!”, please pardon the rest of us if we tell the Warmists, “Yeah, right, you need to calm down, dear.”

Quite a contrast

The Formula One Grand Prix in Monaco was the usual procession with nothing much happening. Not so the IndyCar race at Indianapolis. That was one amazing crash which put Dixon out, and yet he was giving TV interviews minutes later, apparently totally unharmed. And the start of the show, Fernando Alonso, who skipped Monaco to try his luck in the Indy 500 and appeared to be hacking it. Sadly, his career has been blighted by the useless Honda engines used by his F1 team; and it was a Honda engine which blew up and dumped him into the DNF box.

Saturday, 27 May 2017

Salt is okay, apparently

For years, we have been told that we have to reduce our salt intake or die of the effects of high blood pressure. Surprise! That ‘link’ between salt and blood pressure was created by a doctor who wanted it to be true! And, in fact, not having enough salt in the system can lead to obesity, heart disease, kidney failure, diabetes and loss of libido.
    Not to mention the fact that food tastes better with a modicum of salt anyway, proving that we are build to handle NaCl, as it is known in the trade.

Oh, no! We’re doomed another way!

The Met Office has issued a warning that a hole in the ozone layer has settled over Britain and anyone who exposes bare skin to the Sun over the bank holiday weekend has had it!
 ● We also need to wear wraparound shades to prevent the front surface of the eye from being burnt off.

More pseudo-scientific madness

The latest shock-horror global warming story is that it will make pensioners lose an hour and a half of sleep (at night) over a period of one week. And as sleep-deprived people are more susceptible to disease, global warming will kill pensioners off, relieving pressure on the NHS and devastating the care industry.
    But, it has been pointed out, if the elderly have a 15-minute nap every afternoon; something the Warmists don’t seem to have considered; they will get an extra 1¾ hours of daytime sleep per week and end up a net quarter of an hour to the good, sleepwise, and not die.

Friday, 26 May 2017

Shock, horror!

Surprise! Research by boffins from Cambridge and the University of E. Anglia has found that ‘sports’ drinks are just an overpriced fad. The boffins reckon that athletic performance is much the same when people have a sugary drink, plain water or even nothing at all to drink.

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Brits are not idle gits!

Surprise! A study by the University of Bath has found that British people are not skivers and they have a work ethic as strong as any Eastern Europeans. Further, Eastern Europeons are more likely to pull a sickie than British workers. There’s another inconvenient truth to harass the Bremoaners.

Trump got it right

Some people are objecting to President Trump calling the Manchester bomber a loser. But he was born here of parents who were allowed to settle in Britain to get away from the Gadaffy regime in Libya and he went to university, but despite all these advantages, he ended his days as a child murderer, like Ian Brady.
    If that’s not the definition of a sad loser, what is?

Who’s to blame for the Manchester bombing?

So far, we have the people who encourage legalising cannabis, as there’s a strong link between smoking pot and religious mania, including jihadism, in the young; which means the Liberals, the Party of Pot are to blame.
    Also, there’s the shambles NATO created in Libya with a bombing campaign, which let Islamists overthrow President Gadaffy and left the country as big a shambles as Iraq. Who was prime minister at the time? Dave the Leader, so it’s his fault, too.
    And, of course, let us not forget the guy who lied the country into President Dubya Bush’s war in Iraq, which created Islamic State – that would be Tony B. Liar.
    Also, as politics restarts after a brief hiatus, we have the accusation from UKIP that a former home secretary was so useless in office that she let jihadism flourish here, following the tradition established by New Labour. Yes, The Razor May, we’re talking about you.

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Life is a real lottery

Nicky Hayden, the 2006 MotoGP champion, who had moved to the World Superbikes series, gone at 35. He died in hospital after being hit by a car whilst training on a bicycle in Italy. A little girl aged 8, killed with other random victims at a pop concert in Manchester by an Islamist loser with a home-made bomb, and Sir Roger Moore, the Bond with a sense of humour, gone at 89 and probably not all that bothered about it.
    There’s the strongest argument for making the most of the time you have because you never know how long it will last.

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

After the bomb goes off

The problem is the huge sincerity gap. You get all these public sector characters doing their bit of pontificating, and they might even mean it, but I can’t help thinking, “Dude, I've heard it all before. You said exactly the same thing last time and nothing much has changed in the routine script for an occasion like this.”
    Maybe there’s a case for simply saying that the atrocity was terrible followed by a dignified silence instead of the same old same old.

Credibility shot

One minute, the BBC news was telling us about the bombing of the Manchester arena, the next, we were getting a cheerful advert for some BBC gadget. Then we were being told that 22 people had been murdered by an Islamist suicide bomber. What is so important about the BBC’s internal adverts that they have to be run, no matter how inappropriate doing so might be?
    The only good aspect of the mess is that if it was a suicide bomber, there won’t be that much of him left for Jeremy Corbyn, the terrorists’ friend, to cosy up to.

Monday, 22 May 2017

WFA sorted

The politician’s answer to reducing the amount of money paid out in Winter Fuel Allowance is to add a layer of bureaucracy to means-test potential recipients, piling further costs on the taxpayer. But a correspondents to one of my weekend newspapers suggested just making it taxable, which won’t require more government bean-counters.
    A quick and simple solution, which avoids lots of government messing about. But, sadly, one that’s probably too easy for the politicians to select.

Political definitions No. 83

Social fairness – stealing money from anyone who is clever enough, or lucky enough, to have amassed wealth and giving it to the feckless, hoping they’ll be grateful enough to vote for whoever bribed them.

Sunday, 21 May 2017

“Here’s me flaunting them but how dare you notice the tits!”

What do you do if you’re a young, female election candidate, who’s done nothing worthy of note? Putting a selfie showing off her chest bumps on-line then moaning when people made remarks about them seems to have got young Labourite E. Owen noticed.

Not a bad thing

According to the Scots Gnats, the Tories have an ideological obsession with austerity; i.e. not spending money which the country doesn’t have. Which has to be rather better than the SNP’s ideological obsession with throwing English taxpayers’ money around as if it grows on trees.

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Worth a try?

If the guy who leaked US army secrets to Assange’s website had cosmetic surgery to make him look like a woman to get out of gaol courtesy of President O’Bummer, maybe the same trick will get Assange out of his little local difficulty. Just a thought!

Like we care

J. Assange, the Ecuador One, says he will not forgive or forget now that Sweden has given up on trying to arrest him on rape charges. But so what? Neither will the women who filed the charges forget, even if they forgive, for all the good it will do them.
    Not that Assange is entirely out of the woods yet. There’s still the small matter of his being liable to be arrested for contempt of court if he dares to show his nose out of the Ecuadorian embassy.

Not convinced

The former FBI chief, Mueller, is being brought in as a safe pair of hands to carry on the investigating which the sacked showboater, Comey, was doing. But can we have all that much confidence in Mueller. Is there anyone on the planet who didn’t get a scam email with his name on it when he was in charge of the FBI?

In defence of VtoL

So what if VToL doesn’t suit everyone and the very thought of it makes some people foam at the mouth? The thing about life is that it’s not one size fits all. VT will suit the requirements of some people and they are entitled to make their choice regardless of the wishes of others.

Friday, 19 May 2017

The pragmatic solution

We’re hearing a lot about how the care of the elderly will bankrupt the nation. But no one seems to be paying any attention to an obvious partial solution: Voluntary Termination of Life for those who find their basic standards for it are no longer available.
    Examples would be people who know their brain is about to go wonky, leaving them as just a working body from which the personality has been stripped, and people with an active brain who see their body getting too frail for them to be able to look after themselves, and who would rather not be parked in a care home at the whim of strangers when they are no longer able to lead the life they want.
    “It will be abused!” wail the ‘I’m Against Everything’ bunch.
    “What the hell isn’t?” the rest of us yell back at them.
    Yes, there will be people eager to bump off inconvenient relatives, but that’s no reason why those who don’t want to stick around should not have a legal exit option.
    VToL for the some. It does make sense.

Found out!

Oh, dear! It’s all over for Theresa May. She not the Iron Lady Part II. She’s a trannie version of Grocer Heath. Big government doesn’t work, the experts are telling us; Labour and the Grocer provided abundant proof of that. But we’re going to have to put up with The Razor May proving it all over again.

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Political wisdom

With a general election campaign going on, and Labour putting out up posters urging us to ‘fight  the Tories to fight racism’, a couple of snippets from The Layman's Guide to Political Propaganda by Wexford Grosjean would not be out of place:
    “In the pursuit of political aims, every lie is justified and every half-truth has double value because it contains a demonstrable element of truth, even it that truth is distorted beyond recognition from its original context.”
    “We must never underestimate the corrosive power of lies. The constant drip, drip, drip of poison will eat away at the foundations of the most self-evident truth, given enough time.”

More cheerful news!

The gang at Harvard U reckon that an ‘elderly’ patient is more likely to croak in the next 30 days if he/she is treated by a doctor who is over 60 rather than under 40.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Not my problem, mate

The political commentators might have to pretend that Labour’s Corbynite, fauxcialist manifesto has to be taken seriously, but only because they’re being paid to do so. The rest of us are under no such obligation.

Don’t bother us

The West Midlands police farce is seeking to reduce its interactions with the public further by asking victims of crimes to write and upload their own statments, along with any photos or video footage they might have been able to take. The chief constable thinks that the public are just as capable as the police when it comes to gathering and recording evidence.
    Sounds like a recipe for shysters to run riot over the evidence in court and keep dangerous criminals out of gaol. And, of course, the scam would make it easier for the police to file and forget and exclude crimes from their official statistics.

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Bit late to do anything about it

We’re being told that the dinosaurs were terribly unlucky to have been wiped out by the asteroid which hit the Yucatan peninsula some 65 million years ago. If it had arrived a little sooner or a little later, it would have landed in the sea and caused less devastation, and it was even worse luck that the impact site at Chicxulub was rich in sulphates, which caused devastating global cooling as aerosols high in the atmosphere.
    The implication seems to be that the dinosaurs were swindled by the Universe and they should ask for a recount or their money back. But the tale of woe conveniently ignores the string of volcanic eruptions, which created the Deccan Traps at what is now northern India. The eruptions started 250,000 years before the asteroid hit and continued for another 500,000 years afterwards.
    So it looks like the asteroid was just a blip, even if a big one, in 750,000 years of climate catastrophe. And if everyone knows about it and few people know about the volcanoes, that suggests that the asteroid has a better press agent.

Monday, 15 May 2017

Pragmatism in action

How does old Corbyn stay so cheerful? Well, if you’re driving toward a steep cliff, and turning the steering wheel isn’t an option, then you might as well sit back and enjoy yourself while you can.

Some of them still don’t get it

The Liberal sort-of grandees; V. Cable, N. Clegg et al; think that the only answer to a landslid Tory party after the election will be an anti-Conservative, anti-Brexit coalition. Maybe someone should explain to them that subscribing to one leg of their coalition doesn’t imply a subscription to the other.

Selective neutrality

The police, the CPS and the Electoral Commission have made much of an investigation into the 2015 election expenses of 15 Tory MPs in relation to visits by the party’s Battle Bus. But they have kept remarkably quiet about investigating a Labour member over his expenses. These institutions might claim to be politically neutral, but their actions say otherwise.

Typical political shenanigans

The Scottish education system used to be much admired. Looks like a decade of SNP misrule has put a stop to all that nonsense. And, it seems, the Gnats have put a stop to the embarrassment of statistics showing that less than one-half of Scotland’s 13- and 14-year-olds can string together a coherent sentence. All it took was abolishing the Scottish Survey of Literacy & Numeracy.

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Many a true word . . .

There was an interesting observation by the normally appalling host during today’s edition of Radio Four’s The News Quiz: If, as M. MacRon claims, Brexit was a crime, then it was a crime of passion, so we should get away with it!

Something else you couldn’t make up

The Liberals’ election pledges include encouraging the sale of cannabis in high street shops to raise taxes to be spent on treating those sent crazy by abuse of the drug. Talk about creating your own problems!

Friday, 12 May 2017

We’re doing our best, mates!

According to researchers at a university in Norway, Britain’s men are the worst binge drinkers in Europe. Well, we’ll just have to try to get better at it in future.

Ah, to be so Teflon!

The gods are really smiling on old Cor-Blimey! When a BBC cameraman got his foot run over whilst scrambling to get some totally surplus pictures of Labour’s hero, the immediate reaction was that it was a stunt set up by the bloke and the Beeb’s political editor.

Cor-Blimey as our next PM?

It could actually happen, you know: if enough people look at the polls and decide Labour has no chance of getting in and it doesn’t matter if they vote Labour ‘for a laugh’ or don’t turn out on polling day.

Thursday, 11 May 2017

Someone’s having a laugh

The Northamptonshire police farce is abolishing traditional police headgear in favour of unisex baseball caps. The scam is intended to encourage sex-swappers and people who don’t agree with the concept of gender to join up!
    Perhaps trying to make policing a more attractive career to the majority would be a better idea than trying to hoover up a few individuals out of already tiny minorities? But, of course, that doesn’t fit the daft diversity agenda.

Win, win for Labour

The shadow chancellor is calling the leaked socialist-envy Labour election manifesto ‘progressive’, which is as clear an admission as anyone could want that it’s a swindle.
    Meanwhile, Old Cor-Blimey-Guv-byn must be laughing his cotton socks off at the effect his nationalize and spend manifesto is having on the Blairies and his other enemies thanks to his list of freebies for his client groups, including criminals, who will get a ‘stay out of gaol’ card.
    As for the enemies, they must be bracing themselves for some temporary pain and suffering as the price of getting rid of Corbyn, and silently egging him on to indulge his most insane impulses whilst he has the chance.

Advertising from an other galaxy

It’s very cute, and it probably cost a bomb for a franchise deal to put Top Cat into a TV ad, but the fact remains, no one can have any confidence in a lender which pretends that it would give a mortgage to an alley cat with no means of support and no hope of repaying the interest, let alone the capital.

Unnatural selection

What is it about stoopid little flying bugs which attracts them to freshly painted surfaces so that they land on them and become welded to them?

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Does my bum look big in this constituency?

A union stooge from one of Labour’s paymasters is dumped in a safe seat in Liverpool and we are told no parachute was involved. Does that mean we’re expected to believe the guy’s backside was more than big enough to cushion the landing unaided?

Logical conclusion

Some wiseguy in yesterday’s paper was asking why, if the government says crime is falling, are there more people in gaol?
    Could it be that crime is falling because there are more criminals behind bars?

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Recycle, recycle

The Tories would like to put a cap on care costs for the elderly, but it remains just a New Labour-style aspiration. At the latest incarnation, the position of the cap has drifted up from £72,000 to £85,000, which suggests that if it ever gets into a manifesto, the cap level will have drifted so high as to be meaningless for most people.
    Same with the old migration thing. The current PM is minded to keep Dave the Leader’s aspiration of tens of thousands for net migration. Which is as likely to be achieved as UKIP’s one out, one in policy.

Monday, 8 May 2017

Typical sloppy politician

The bogus Scotsman MacRon, trading as the president elect of France, thinks that Britain’s exit from the EU is a crime. But he hasn’t bothered to quote the particular law which we’re breaking. Sounds like he’s a French equivalent of Diane Abbot!

Empty threat

President (pro tem) Hollande of France is threatening to ‘take action’ over the hacking of his pal M. MacRon’s emails. Which means what, exactly? That he’s going to Moscow to give old Putin a clip round the ear?

No surprise there

The Europeon Commission’s own lawyers have declared that the EU leaders’ divorce bill of €100 billion is legally impossible to enforce. Which means that the bastards will have to dream up some other scam. Oh, dear! Terrible shame. Never mind.
    Another complication is that if the EU cherry-picks items from its (fraudulent) annual accounts to create a Brexit bill, and excludes all of the EU’s assets, Britain will be entitled to do the same in a counter-claim. And that’s the opinion of no less a person than the Director General of the EU’s budget. Oh, dear, again.

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Political logic

The creepy French presidential hopeful, the Scottish gerontophile MacRon, is getting his alibis in place. He’s claiming that he was the subject of a massive hacking attack, which means that he has to be planning to claim that any crimes against humanity which are exposed don’t count because he was hacked.

Green Death

This plan to charge drivers of diesel-powered vehicles to enter city centres is typical petty bureaucrat-think. They don’t care how many people are killed by the pollution as long as they make money out of it.

CIA flops again

North Korea is claiming that the CIA signed up a North Korean lumberjack assassin called Kim whilst he was working in Eastern Russian. He was supposed to use a dirty bomb to contaminate Kim Jong-current at a big military do last month with the object of dooming K J-c to die in 6-12 months of the effects of the nasty stuff. But the Korean People’s Gestapo foiled the plot.

Friday, 5 May 2017

Nice to know where we stand

The president of the Euro Parliament has denied that the anti-British leaks from Brussels; mainly from the office of Juncker the Druncker and his minions; are intended to affect the outcome of next month’s British general election. So that our official confirmation that it’s all true.

Another waste of money

The House of Europeon Vanity has opened after a decade in the making and 3 years on from the planned opening in 2014. It cost the EU taxpayer £47 million, and it will cost a further £11 million per year to run; which is another sound reason to get out of the EU, especially as we will be paying £1 million per year for it until Brexit.
    This home for a collection of Europeon historical tat was opened officially on the last Saturday in April but putting labels onto the exhibits and getting the explanatory tablet devices working is dragging on in true EU style. Maybe it will be ready for next year’s first anniversary celebrations.

Thursday, 4 May 2017

Arrest Ed!

Ed Milliband mows a lady’s lawn in Doncaster to get her vote – isn’t that bribery and a criminal offence on the same scale as buying people drinks or paying them to vote for your party?

Crime and punishment

Maybe I’ve not been paying attention but where is chiselled onto a tablet of stone that Britain has to be a member of the EU, no matter what? And that an eye-watering payment is due if Britain dares to leave? In other words, what’s the crime for which the EU wants to punish us?
    If the EU thinks we’ve committed a crime, for which we should be punished, shouldn’t they have to make a case to the International Court at the Hague? We certainly won’t allow ourselves to be hauled up before the EU’s own kangaroo court!
    In fact, instead of paying a divorce bill to the EU, we should be getting compensation for the EU’s persistent violation of our human right to choose our friends.

Definitions for Today:

Lawyer (n) 1. Someone who thinks he/she can make “I do” mean “I don’t”, or vice versa, depending on who is paying his/her wages. 2. Someone who can’t view a fact without experiencing an overwhelming urge to twist it out of its proper context.

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Think of a number . . .

Maybe the time has come to join in the EU’s numbers game. If they want €100 billion in alimony, maybe we should demand £250 billion as our share of the EU’s assets. And, of course, they have to pay us first and we decide when, and how much, to pay back to them.

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Next Big Thing

After mud-splattered jeans for the rich and gullible, how about armpit wigs for part-time feminists? Should be a market worth millions there!

One of the Few

As ever, Frank Field, MP, has come up with some sense. University vice-chancellors, who are rolling in dosh – on salaries approaching half a million quid in some cases – should have to endure a pay cut if they fail to ensure that foreign students go home when they complete, or abandon, their course.

Monday, 1 May 2017

Europeon Nonsense

Is the EU run by a bunch of deluded fascists? Spain has no more right to decide what happens on Gibraltar than it has to decide what happens on a hill half a mile on the other side of its border with France. So all this talk of a Spanish Veto is just EU BS.

Kim Jong Trickery?

The North Koreans marked President Trump’s 100th day in office with another failed missile launch. Are the blighters trying to lull us into a sense of false security?

Out of sight

The Turkish regime has blocked access to Wikipedia. The official excuse is the “terror-related content” hosted by the online encyclopaedia of doubtful provenance. Presumably, it’s a bit too old-fashioned for the tastes of the increasingly totalitarian Erdogan regime.

MPs missing the point; as usual

It’s all very well for MPs to demand that supermarkets fill their shelves with wonky fruit and veg, my Catering Manager told me. But, she added, how many of them have ever tried to peel really wonky veg? Ease of preparation, not just looks, is what is behind consumer preferences.