Wot did he just say?

And another thing: was that really a gang of armed paedophiles in white outfits that got wiped out in that daft sciffy film?

Bleep-o-meter worn out

The TV premiere of the film Deadpool 2 was right at home on Channel 4 as it seemed to be an exercise in how often they could get the characters to say fuck in a couple of hours.

Simple logic

“In 1813, girls were told nothing about sex”, I read in the TV guide. Well, of course not. Sex, we were assured back then, wasn’t invented until the 1960s.

An obviously (partially) fictional future

Geostorm, a daft sci-fi film released in 2017, has people going up to near-Earth orbit in a whole fleet of space shuttles. Like that’s going to happen! And they should have known it.
    p.s. The vice-president and the Pelosi are the bad guys, not the president, and the heroes were born in the UK. So at least the filmsters got something right!

Legal piranha-fest

There’s going to be an inquiry into the government’s handling of the pandemic, but what will it achieve? It will drag on for at least 2 years and shove millions of pounds into the pockets of the legal trade, which will be hoping that people sue the government and give them even more dosh.
    It will come up with a bookful of recommendations for future disasters, few of which will be relevant to the next major disaster to hit us, and you can be sure that the civil service & quango wonks who caused all the problems will get off scot free.
    So what will it achieve? Not that much of any use.

It’s true

Are there heroes in the NHS? The people working in small vaccination centres certainly qualify. Smooth, easily cleaned walls reflect rather than absorb sounds and they just bounce around and fill the place with sheer bloody noise. Yes, the people who do this job day after day actually are heroes.

Pro & Con

It’s good to see democracy in action in Germany. The Germans with jobs in the EU management are jack-booting around, demanding we surrender vaccine production in Gott Straf England while their newspapers are pointing out that the total flop that same management has made over handling the plague is a great advert for Brexit.

Good 4 a laugh

Oscar vs Alexa should be on every week to put some much needed entertainment into the WWE. But the VEINS bloke should be binned permanently.

Keep it in proportion

On the one hand, the PM’s big mea culpa was the action of a decent bloke. On the other, let us not forget that the figure of 100,000 deaths from the plague is supremely dodgy and quite unreliable, and all the blame belongs in China, the source of the plague.

Wasted talent

One of my uncles is wondering about his hearing. He sometimes finds he has to turn on the subtitles (if there are any) to make out what actors in films and TV dramas are saying if turning up the sound to a roar doesn’t help.
    And yet, he reports that he can make out every word of what is being said in adverts when he’s in the kitchen. That’s where all the competent sound engineers go? Into advertising?

How do you get one?

“My home helps pay for it!” smiling pensioners tell us in the TV advert. Isn’t it great, seeing all these old people who have such generous home helps?

Alternative reality

See a British Gas boiler advert on TV and you have to sneer because you’ve read that most of their engineers are on strike over a new contract deal. Life sucks for admen!

Who gets the medal?

Who was the sadist who put the ‘rat’ into ratatouille, the dish most often served up to dinner guests who announce that they are veggies?

Not enuff info

Complete Patio Potato Kit £25. Doesn’t say how much the complete patio costs, though.

No sale

What sort of person has a fridge full of apples and nothing else? A weirdo and not someone you’d ever take a TV advert recommendation from.

Virgin Media Mystery

I was surprised to find that Virgin Media doesn’t put a company address and phone number on official letters to customers. Why? Has VM become a fly-by-night cowboy outfit operating from some tax haven with no extradition treaty?
    This anonymity is certainly not something you’d expect of a respectable & legitimate company.

Mind your language

Agrophobia – a fear of farming? As opposed to aggrophobia – a fear of violence.

A Universal Bad Guy

No doubt President Trump will get the blame for the storming of the Red Fort in Delhi yesterday and the Democrats are lining up a gang of volunteers who will be willing to swear blind that they were operating on Trump’s direct orders.

Consistency? Who needs it?

How come the Kansas City Chiefs and their Arrowhead stadium and their tomahawk arm chop haven't been Redskinned out of the NFL?
    Less wonky in middle America, I guess.

Have Mercy!

The word “roadmap” needs to be allowed to rest in peace for a while. At least until it recovers from being done to death mercilessly by politicians, the news meeja and wonks who won’t think for themselves.

Somewhat inevitable too

Bloody hell! Swiss cheese Green Bay defence against the Buccers, a porous offensive line and GB ended up playing catch-up. Just what we needed. Not. The bad Packers.

Somewhat inevitable

Field goals vs touchdowns, that sank the Bills. A comfortable win for the Chiefs where they live? More like a massacre at the end. Just a FG from a successful on-side kick for the Bills. The story of their day.

Always a snag

How many announce tables does the WW get through in a year, given the number of actors who are crashed through one to demolish it? would be a great pub quiz question. If the pubs were open.

Catch 22 is alive and well in Putinstan

Apparently, Alexei Navalney is in gaol for leaving Russia illegally when he was taken to Germany in a coma for treatment for the novichok administered by Putin’s poisoners.

You can’t win

Trump drains the swamp, Biden lets the sleazy pond life back in to it. Wonderful.

Well, maybe . . .

Are our times exactly like those of Robert Burns, 200 years ago, or is the professor of Burns @ Glasgow University just grabbing a chance to talk her job up? The cynic in me suspects the latter.

Cold no! He must go!

The people demonstrating against Putin the Poisoner must have been pretty serious about it if they were doing it when the temperature outdoors was -50 deg.C.

Weird casting

“A romantic comedy drama starring Jack Nicholson”, I read in the TV guide. No doubt containing the odd axe murder to raise a few more laughs?

If you can’t beat them . . .

I see that BBC 2 is reduced to doing repeats of the Battlestar Galactica series, just like one of the minority digital channels.

Solve the problem

What they really need to do is start a charity, which will take donations of £3/month and use the cash to kill people who are wiping out pangolins, tigers and other creatures used in the Chinese brand of ‘medicine’. That would be very popular!

Flying Start

This year’s US presidential installation has given us a new expression: a Biden riot or total non-event, as in:
    “How did your launch party go, old bean?”
    “Actually, it was a bit of a Biden riot. We had a great venue and lots of security, but no one showed up.”

Offensive tripe

“Nature knows best”, a TV advert assures us. At a time when Nature is killing people all over The Planet with a plague. So what does the advertiser know?

Slot filler

A programme about people hand-making bricks on More4 last night. Probably a bit more interesting than watching paint dry but no more tempting.

Dunnit ourselves

What’s it like in America right now? It must be as it was here when the reliable but familiar & boring Tories were booted out in favour of the flash without substance of New Labour and all the damage Blair & his stooges caused.

Too far the other way

Claiming that deeming some lives to be more valuable than others is inhuman is boneheaded. What about that terrorist who got out of gaol in the US for being enormously fat and ended up occupying a £1 million council house in London? He’s not worth nuffink.

Small beer

The BBC’s first choices for a comment about Biden on his accession day: correspondents in Russia, China and bloody Israel? So much for the EU!

Real World Bites Again

We were promised riots and arson in all 50 American states when Mr. Biden took office. What happened? The actors’ union on strike?

Counterblast

Why should Britain ‘lead internationally’, as ex-PM Mrs. May is demanding? Why should British taxpayers subsidize the rest of the world, as she is demanding?
    We’re in the 21st century, the British have been trying to civilize the rest of the world for centuries and if they haven’t got it by now, they never will. So sod ’em. We’ve done our bit.

Real World Bites

Anyone who didn’t think the roll-out of the plague vaccine nationwide would be uneven is a total idiot. Same with the news people who expect us to be surprised by the inevitable unevenness. Same with the wonks who want to slow down the efficient areas to the slow pace of the foot-draggers.

Weather equivalence

I watched an (old) episode of New Tricks on “there’s only one channel called Drama” on Wednesday night. It was snowy out in London back then. Same here. Good bit of episode selection.

Really weaselly words

That equity release advert claim that: “they’ll even tell you if it’s not right for you” is on a par with “they won’t shoot you dead on the spot if you don't sign up.”
    Category; “I should bloody well hope so!”

Beyond belief

If we really are all in it together, property taxes should be abolished and replaced by a tax that everyone has to pay. That's everyone unless they have a bloody good excuse for claiming a free ride.

RAW is Diversity

M.L. King doing a rant then the VEINS bloke doing one. The WW certainly gets around a bit. Followed by Ric Flair looking even older than Joe Biden!
    Oscar & Alexa was a laugh from start to finish, so there's still some hope for the WW.

Real World Wisdom

Actually, locking the stable door after the horse has bolted is not a bad idea. Otherwise, you might find the place full of tramps.

Lack of Gumption

Former High Court judge Lord Sumption dug a big hole for himself with his assertion that where quality of life is concerned, all that matters is life expectancy rather than what you do with it.
    On that scale, incoming President Biden’s life is worth about two cents.

Hardly detached & objective

When reading Mrs. May’s rant @ Boris, we should remember that he’s the prime monster and she isn’t, he delivered Brexit and she didn’t, and he won an election with a big majority but she lost her majority when she called an election.

More fake news

The NHS is tackling the pandemic and covid? Beware of what you hear on TV from people who don't know what they’re talking about.
    Come to think of it, do the same as well with people who claim they do know what they’re talking about as they might be trying to mislead you deliberately.

Fake news

America anxiously awaits the inaurguration of Trump's successor, the BBC news told us yesterday. Which is bollocks. Most people don’t care one way or the other.

Roman don’t Reign any more

After watching a recording of the first WW SmackDown! for a while, I note that the Head of the Table has become the Arse End of the Universe, a scripting gimmick that’s as standard as it has become boring.
    But there’s always fast-forward through these bits.

Here’s a good one

Not mine but worth sharing: If salaam alekum means hello, does alekum salaam mean oh, hell?

Furthermore

I would also recommend a whack from a big stick with a nail in it for everyone who orders me to search for something, especially if it has to be done . . . NOW!

More duff advertising

Which is more shocking? An advert for Creme Eggs showing 2 homosexuals sharing one? Or Cadbury’s expecting us to believe that one of their now tiny products is worth dividing into two?

Similar Sunday

No deflectors in Tampa Bay to annoy the kickers. The defence won it by intercepting Drew Brees and frustrating the hell out of the Saints.
    The Browns put on a good show in Kansas City but they always looked like finishing 2nd to the Chiefs, even though the deflectors were on for the KC kicker: up to the end. 17-22 for the Chiefs was a narrow squeak.

Tough action needed

What we need in these Terrible Times is a squad of Planet Wardens, each armed with a big stick with a nail in it. Their job will be to go round whacking all the crooks who claim that they are saving The Planet.
    The Planet is not in danger. A number of species on it might be at risk from the tide of evolution but humans are not included.
    And The Planet will still be here, and not at all bothered, when the humans, including the crooks, are long gone.

Super Saturday

Good for the Rams, squishing the Squawks in Seattle last week but the Packers in Green Bay proved to be a cheese sandwich too far.
    And the Bills ate all the sandwiches in their match with the Ravens with the deflectors switched on to frustrate anyone attempting to kick a field goal.

Lies, damned lies & TV advertising

There was an ad on TV the other night claiming that coffee bags are a new idea. One that goes back to the 1970s or maybe earlier, I was assured by someone who used to use them at work in preference to teabags.
    Trade Descriptions Act, anyone?

Wilful misinformation

Why is it that crossword and arrowword compilers think that an amp is a variety of speaker? An amp amplifies sound and passes it on to a speaker so that the customers can hear it. How can the dozy sods not know that?

We’ll survive

Snow in Spain means that lettuce is in short supply here. But as it only clogs up a bacon and tomato sandwich, Hooray!

Really?

The film was directed by Antoine Fuqua. How does he get away with a name like that? Or is it just for income tax purposes?

Intentions & mumbles clarified

It’s rather instructive, watching a film with the subtitles switched on. Like last night’s second rip-off of The Equlizear. The titles in square brackets tell you about all sorts of sound effects, including some which were in the script but are not audible in the final cut. Same with some of the dialogue.

No waiting

According to Public Health England, having survived the plague gives you better protection against it than either of the 2 vaccines on offer for at least 5 months. Sounds like a cue for those who think they’re bulletproof to hold plague parties like the measles parties parents used to have for kids.

Confecters to the left, please

When you have a cause to plug on the internet, the contents of a free school lunches parcel can be described as worth a fiver, ten quid or thirty quid.
    Similarly, three hundred quid’s worth of vegetables can be presented as thirty quid’s worth if they’re supermarket rejects. No wonder only mugs believe what they see on the WWW.

Another case of one rule for them?

South Africa is allowed to get away with blatant racialism when it comes to coaches for sports. Is there international agreement on how long the free pass lasts? Or are they just doing it because they know they can get away with it?

Misdirection

Do we want 21 million doses of the plague vaccine on British soil? No, we’d rather have them in British fridges or freezers. Or, better still, in British arms!

Sussed!

I’ve just not been watching the WW over the last few weeks. It just slipped off my radar and I forgot all about it. But watching this week’s RAW, it struck me that Nancy Pelosi’s scriptwriter could quite easily be one of the WW crew moonlighting.
    There’s all the classic arrogance & vindictiveness of the TV wrestler in her act. Maybe it’s the same scriptwriter as the one who does them for the VEINS bloke.

No escape

The Pink Panther 2 seems to have sneaked past me in 2009. Steve Martin was walking in the deep shadow of Peter Sellers, but he had his moments and he got paid for his efforts.

Cops & Bozos

Isn’t it great when coppers think claiming that they are the victims of poor policy & law-making makes it okay for them to switch their brain off and slap a bogus fine on someone for the world’s stoopidest imaginary offence.
    Sometimes the sensible thing to do is . . . nothing. Sadly, politicians and the police feel they always have to be seen to be doing something, no matter how pointless or even terminally stoooopid it is.

Does what it says on the jar

Watching the fake rage of the House Hacks on TV, one got the impression that they think that being a Democrap gives them a licence to spout crap. Which has its own internal logic, when you think about it.

Unlikely to work

Making the safe spacing distance 3 metres instead of 2 is not going to have much effect on the people who won’t even space by 1 metre. But try telling that to the “experts”.

That Works

Someone pointed out that the Halleluja Chorus works with “Purge Pelosi” in place of all the Hallelujas. And yes, it does. An anthem for future Trump rallies?
Purge Pelosi!
Purgepelosi Purgepelosi
Pu-hurge Pel-lo-ho-si!

Reprieve?

It seems that certain religious authorities let Christmas decorations stay in place until Candlemas (February 2nd) rather than demolishing them on 12th Night (January 6th).
    We are now waiting for next month with interest to see if our neighbours extinguish their external lights then, or keep them burning until the current lock-in ends.

There’s a word for it now

No need to call anyone a vindictive total loser now. Just call them a Pelosi. Who is much too entitled to realize what a pillock she’s making of herself.

Pull the other one

It’s extremely difficult to take the American QAnon conspiracy wonk even slightly seriously if you remember what a total pillock the Q character was in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Someone can’t count

The last Saturday essay in the Daily Mail had the title “The 2nd American Civil War”. The author clearly hasn’t been keeping track of history across the pond because another civil war now would be a third after the ones in the 1770s and 1860s.

Over the hump?

|Saturday’s paper was shouting about over 1,300 deaths from the plague in the previous 24 hours and the world collapsing about our ears. This week, the daily death toll is less than half that figure. Can we stop panicking quite so much now? As long as we stay careful, of course.

What’s on the other side?

“Are Women the Fitter Sex?” A doctor investigates why more men than women die from the plague. But to what object? Filling up an hour of TV time, apparently.

New Custom

I note that some of the neighbours have kept their external Christmas lights in place, presumably until we are no longer locked up or locked in.

Clarity & transparency needed

The entire nation is locked in a debate about how we are locked. Everyone agrees that it’s not down. But are we locked up or locked in?

So much from wildcards

Four! touchdowns down to the Browns! in the first quarter. Well beaten by the Cleveland defence as well as the offence. How were the mighty Steelers humbled at home.
    The Bears made the Saints work for their home win, but not much offence = no chance of winning. It was a close one between the Ravens & the Titans, but them Ravens got the job done on the road.
    Quite a varied weekend and time well spent in front of the box.

Slightly a lot overdone

Backtrace (2018), thriller starring Sylvester Stallone; and featuring shotguns that can fire 20 rounds and hand gund that can fire 50 rounds without a reload. But who needs boring realism?

Fairy Tale

Are fridges & cupboards really being emptied of everything naughty and do people really give up booze and head for a gym in January? Only in the dreams of newspaper columnists who haven’t heard that all the gyms are closed ’coz of the plague.

No moral superiority at all

Has Joe Biden been poisoned? Nope. Has he been thrown into gaol for opposing the regime? Nope. Bet he’s bloody glad not to be the Opposition leader in Russia or China.

Doesn’t add up

Friday/Saturday night just gone is being touted as the coldest of the ‘season’ so far. Yet the ice on the external cat water dish was just about 1/8th of an inch thick on Saturday morning. The contents have been frozen solid on several previous nights.

SNAFU

Anti-Semitic Blame female in verbal scrap with Jewish Woman’s Hour presenter. Glad to be out of that.

No carrot, no stick

“Please gamble responsibly,” the pious TV ad tells us.
    “Or what?”
    “Well, nothing.”

Big deal? Not really

The world’s number one vegan mayo. How much of a recommendation is that? I bet the Belgians wouldn’t put it on their chips.

Good wildcard start

Nice to see the Bills get a win. The Squawks squashed! Go, Rams! And the Washington Slavers done in for denying their identity and rejecting the Redman.

Things I didn’t expect

Scotland having a navy and daring to see off Irish pirates trying to plunder UK fishing waters around Rockall. The Irish piracy, of course, is not unexpected.

Spitting feathers

Meanwhile, the Capitol Carnival has left the Democraps green with envy, knowing no one would get out of bed for any of their crowd.

Running for cover

Who are the greasers of convenience among the Repubelicans in the States? The ones now trying to put distance between themselves and President Trump after riding his coat tails. Loyalty is evidently not the trademark of the greaseball.

Escapes me

The CBS Justice TV channel is sponsored by Spam. If there's a connection, I don’t see it.

Scrutiny

It probably does the likes of Nasty Nancy Pelosi good to know that taxpayers are free to stroll into her office and see what she’s been spending their money on.
    Screw-You Scrutiny Rocks! Could never happen here, though. The British are much too well-mannered to go anywhere they’re not invited. (Ho-ho)

A reasonable legacy

One thing Donald Trump is good at is getting America noticed. Another thing is an ability to trample on pointless conventions and back-scratching. All in all, things are going to be a lot duller with him out of the White House. But he’ll leave the incoming mob looking over their shoulders and wondering what’s going to happen next.

Less than permanent

The 2012 Jack Reacher film featuring the diminutive Tom Cruise O’missile as the 6 foot 4" hero starts with an establishing shot of a stadium. Is that the Three Rivers one, former home of the Steelers, I asked myself. Was that still standing in 2012? Off to Mr. Internet to scratch an itch before I could concentrate on the film. Some knowledge can be a bit of a pest at times.

The way it comes across

Some American actor is telling us it’s a good job the Capitol was invaded by white folks because if black folks had dunnit, there’d be bodies all over the place. His words imply that persons of colour invite/incite deadly violence; if you choose to interpret them that way.
    Ambiguity rules, OK!

7th January 2021

The Home Sec. calling the Trubble Up The Senate ‘unacceptable’ is a triumph of meaningless political jargon and an indication that she thinks what happened in the United States is nothing to do with her but she feels she has to say something because everyone else is sounding off.
    That’s the way it comes across.

Sound advice

“If you’re walking on eggs, don’t hop.” Wisdom acquired while watching the film Blue Thunder again last night, having had time to forget the plot of this cops in choppers drama.

Lots of it about

“Mr. Williamson, will you resign today?” yells the attention-seeking pillock. Someone else in need of the finger trampling treatment.

More of it

‘He’ll never walk alone’ is the cliché being trotted out in headlines about the late pop star Gerry Marsden. But being dead, he’ll never walk. Period.

Here’s an example

What truths am I talking about? Things like Greenhouse Greta being passed off as ‘the voice of her generation’ rather than just a crazy, mixed-up kid.

No trust

‘The Truth about boosting your immune system’ is on TV tonight. Does that inspire confidence or does it remind me of all the other stuff which has been presented as ‘the truth’ in the past? Sadly, it’s the latter.

Far too late

It’s all very well for the prime minister to order the NHS wonks to get rid of the red tape that’s preventing the re-recruitment of former NHS staff to do plague vaccinations, but what about sacking the morons who tied up all the red tape in the first place?

Cheap deterrent

It has been suggested that someone in authority who spiels out scare stories about things that ‘could’ happen should have their fingers (both hands) stamped upon forcibly if the disaster fails to occur. Sounds fair enough.
    The old saw about ‘If wishes were horses, beggars would ride’ needs to be reworked into something super-sarcastic about ‘coulds’.

Only in June

The last thing we want to see at night at this time of year is a full Moon because it means no cloud cover and it’s freezing outside.

Faux history

|Do most of us remember where we were when we heard David Cameron say, “We’re out,” after the EU referendum result was declared? Nah. ’Course, we don’t. It’s just another journalistic myth.

Total Quality

The opening titles to Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries are a work of art, I was reminded the other night.

Who ate all the pies?

When John Gruden, the Raiders’ boss, turns sideways and shows off his pot-belly, you know!

Meanwhile, @ 00:55 hrs . . .

Crumbs! That was some finish by the Raiders last night, going for a 2-point conversion and a 32-31 lead, leaving the Broncos with 24 seconds and no time outs to bag a field goal. 63 yards. Blocked by the Raiders!

Well worth a watch

A Get Smart film has a lot to live up to after the excellent TV series. The 2008 one manages to impress early & often. Shame about the Cone of Silence, though.

Things you wonder

Were there, in fact, 2 signed copies of the EU trade agreement flown over here in case PM Boris made a bog of his signature at the first go? And some spares in case EC boss Mrs. Leyen wasn’t happy with her first effort on the other side of the Channel?

Talking about sad people . . .

No, it isn’t hard not to pity newspaper contributors who have to come up with a 2020 New Year resolution that they failed to keep. And another which they will fail to keep in 2021.

Unrequited craving

Oh, dear! Consumers of mocktails have to be as sad as vegans who nosh fake sausages and artificial pork pies.

Undermining the gloom

There’s a lot to be said for reading newspapers a couple of days behind the publication date. It’s very reassuring to read all the guarantees of doom & gloom and be able to tell yourself, “Well, that didn’t happen.”

So much for him

How odd that the Brexit negotiations were deadlocked until the German boss of the Euro Commission sidelined the obstructive French negotiations bloke. Shame they didn’t do that 12 months ago.

Virtue by accident

Apparently, diet wonks consider having nothing to eat or drink (except water or tea) between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. constitutes fasting. Which is something I do a lot as a matter of course!
    It’s rather sad that people are so desperate for something to feel virtuous about that they choose this.

Life goes on unchanged

I see the dodgy cars bloke is still going strong.
    “Hi, I’m Philip Skodafield. You won’t get much of a deal if you sell us your car but we won't take all day about doing you over!”
    Wunderbar.

What’s that about?

Dog Xmas presents advertised on TV on New Year’s Eve? Is that to send anyone who didn’t buy something for their dog or cat on a guilt trip?

Say What?

The Head of Amusing @ Imperial College, London? Cloth-ears rides again!

An Enduring Mystery

What can we take forward from the last couple of weeks? For me, it has be the sight of people in a queue outside a fruit & veg shop clutching sprout sticks from the outside display. Tradition? A sense of duty? An actual liking for sprouts? Who knows?