Spin applied

Our Prime Mayor has admitted that the invitation to Put’n the Poisoner to attend next year’s G20 meeting here is just puff and nonsense. No top bods from Put’nstan dare show their mugs here and just minions will be sent.
    Which will be interpreted as a sign that the West is no longer bovvered about the assault on Ukraine and normal relations can be resumed.

Opting out

A survey has concluded that teenage girls are no longer sporty. More and more of them would rather mess about with a pocket phone than get out and compete and get healthy.

Trigger warning

The following programme may contain scenes unsuitable for flashing images. Daft? Well, aren’t they all!

Fantasy

The government is claiming that its mass release of criminals from gaols will put them under the strictest possible monitoring conditions. Which can include them waiting 5 months to get an ankle tag.

Just talk

Making Angrier Robot the Housing Sec. meant that Labour has no chance of getting even close to its target to build 1.5 million new homes.
    Completion rates are the lowest for a decade due to excessive taxation and red tape.

No shortage of political gas

Our Prime Mayor’s latest bit of gaslighting is a claim that Brexit caused the invasion of small boaters, and also a loss of collaboration with EFU neighbours. In fact, the opposite is true.
    Brexit was our response to constant swindles by the EFU’s bandits in Brussels with nothing worthwhile on offer to us.
● The major economies of the EFU are stagnant, so no help for ours on offer, and their socialist governments are on the way out.

The rip uncovered as off

Pet care companies are reported to be disappointed by a Competion & Markets Authority revelation that vets’ bills have been rising at twice the rate of inflation.

What nice people!

Students in London want to stage a protest march against Israeli ‘genocide of Palestinians’ on the 3rd anniversary of the massacre by the Hamas that started off the destruction of Gaza and writing off 73,000 Palestinians.

More down the drain

Legal aid thrown at bogus asylum claims cost the taxpayer the best part of £20 million in the second quarter of this year, the Ministry of Injustice has admitted.