Wednesday, 29 June 2011

That’s it out of the way?

I got rained on again today, so that’s the summer heatwave over. And is it remotely reasonable for anyone to be excited just because Gravesend got to 90 deg.F? I don’t think so.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Come on, Tim!

There’s a picture of Andy Murray, the Scottish tennis player, on the back page of the Daily Disaster today and he’s got his gob shut!!! What was it? Superglue? Staples? Stitches?

Monday, 27 June 2011

Big talk, big smokescreen

The NATO commanders who say they’re trying to kill Gaddaffiy are being rather disingenuous. They have no idea where the old Libyan terrorist is hiding so they’re shooting off missiles at where they think he might be. So it’s more hoping to take him out rather than actually trying.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Is there no end to it?

Loads of Olympics tickets went to foreigners from Europe, instead of the British people who are paying for the whole racket, and it will cost £750 million to cancel Edinburgh’s disastrous tram system but “only” £700 million to finish it. Clearly, the people who learnt project management under New Labour and financial management under Gordon Brown still haven’t been sacked.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Pull the other one

Britain is gearing up for a 90 degree heat-wave this weekend, according to the Daily Express. But they got the forecast from the same Met Office that forecast a Barbeque Summer, which never arrived, and predicted the winter just gone would be mild. Which explains why I’d just been rained on when I saw the front page of the Daily Express and I’m not planning to go anywhere without an anorak.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Nice one!

Nice to see that Bulgarians have a sense of humour as well as a talent for making extremely drinkable white wine. Whoever it was who repainted the figures of one of the Soviet era monuments to oppression as super-heroes has done the world a favour, even if it got up the noses of the Russians, who have yet to admit that their brand of communism was just as poisonous as anything exported by Mr. Hitler. And who gave us the umbrella assassin? Oh, yes, it was the Bulgarian KGB, inspired by their mentors in Moscow.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Tell ’em anythink!

I had a travel agent trying to tell me that the price of cruises during the 2012 Olympics has gone up by 30% already and it could go up a lot more as the dreadful day of the opening ceremony approaches. Which left me wondering how one of his rivals could offer me a 15% reduction on a cruise deal as a staff outing. I guess it’s like most things now, like double glazing; the price is how much you can get for what you’re selling.

Monday, 20 June 2011

More equal than others

Funny how “equality” for the sexes always goes one way, especially when it comes to the state pension age. Men retiring at 65 and women retiring at 60 used to be “fair”. But everyone retiring at the same age isn’t repairing an injustice against men, it’s a crime against women.

Saturday, 18 June 2011


Strange how they work. K. “Fattie” Clarke has a rep as a sound Chancellor, who created a flourishing British economy, which Gordon Broon trashed. And yet he’s also to blame for stopping the French from wrecking the euro in 1993. Broon, on the other hand, is the man who pissed Britain’s wealth up the wall and left nothing to show for it, and maxed out the national credit card to fund his reckless spending spree. And yet he stopped Tony B. Liar from taking Britain into the eurogroup. Proving that there can be a boil on the most perfect bottom and a sweet-smelling flower growing in the most noxious swamp.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

You couldn’t make it up

Apparently, people who wish to protest about Mr. DinnerJacket ‘winning’ rigged a presidential election in Iran a couple of years ago have come up with a brilliant scheme for showing their disapproval. Instead of marching along roads and getting in everyone’s way, while making themselves an easy target for thuggish security forces, they just flock to the nearest big city and wander around on the pavements.

The illegitimate regime and its riot police can see that there are lots more people in town than there should be, but they have no way of telling who belongs there and who’s a protester. And it drives them NUTS!

Monday, 13 June 2011

What a letdown

I always thought the Indy car series was a proper sporting event, like Formula 1 pretends to be when it’s not doing favours for Ferrari. But that fiasco at the Texas Speedway this Sunday just gone has opened my eyes. Franchitti won the first race but there was a DRAW for grid positions in the 2nd race. As a result, Power, one of the top “championship” contenders, started at the front of the grid and Franchitti was shoved to the back.

As a result, Power notched up his first ‘win’ on an oval track, because his main rival started at the back, and he’s way out front in the points standing. So it would appear that the Indy Car series is just like American TV wrestling: “sports entertainment” not the real thing. What a let-down.

p.s. Congratulations to Jenson Button on beating the unbeatable Vettel in soggy Canada.

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Wet ain’t always bad

Nothing like a few puddles to shake things up; as in today’s MotoGP race at Soggy Silverstone, which is half-way between Birmingham and London, according to the map I looked it up on, so no wonder it was raining if I was being rained on, too!

Lap 9 was the one which changed everything. First, the championship leader, Mr. Lorenzo, went flying through the air when his bike stood on its nose and went everywhere. Then the man they love to hate, Mr. Simoncelli, who is all elbows and not much brain at this stage of his career, hit a huge puddle and slid for MILES!

So that was Mr. Stoner 1-all in DNFs with Lorenzo and out in front in the championship, and poor old Colin Edwards, broken collar bone and ribs all busted up, inherited 3rd place and a chance to be on the podium as his reward for not giving up. What a wonderful day.

Friday, 10 June 2011

Bloody Hell! What a carry on

I tried to comment on a news story on a website yesterday but the censor wouldn’t let me add my contribution because there was a rude word in my attempted posting. But where, you dozy bastard censor??!! After much reading and re-reading, I eventually realized that the censor was choking on my use of “constitutes” Why? Because it’s got TIT in it. Well, effin ell! Just as well the discussion was about the attorney general’s decision to go along with the Bliar regime’s cover-up and not have an inquest on Dr. Kelly, the Iraq weapons expert. Imagine the frustration if the topic for discussion had been Arsenal FC. Or Scunthorpe!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Of course, equality is unfair!

Women live longer than men and they retire 5 years earlier than men, from the point of view of the state pension. Have men been up in arms about this? Not at all loudly. Has the Equality Mob at the European Union been threatening sanctions to governments which discriminate against men? That's a joke. But as soon as our government starts doing something about the pension system being unfair to men, it's "an assault on women", according to Labour wimmin like Mrs. Balls. Who don't feel obliged to declare a vested interest.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Against the evidence

We keep hearing dire stories of the world going into meltdown due to Global Warming – so why is it so bloody cold right now? After all, it’s supposed to be Flaming June. And another thing; the papers have started going on about hosepipe bans. But it’s raining every day around here and my estate manager reports that all lakes and ponds are filled up to full capacity. So could we maybe invest in another gang of experts? Some who can get things right once in a while?

Monday, 6 June 2011

Self-interest to the last, or what!

Congrats to Andrew Pierce of the Daily Disaster for revealing that the last question asked in the House of Lords by the newly gaoled Lord Taylor was: “What plans has the government to give prisoners the vote?” No doubt he was hoping to extend the voting privilege to gaoled MPs and Lords to allow them to contribute to democracy and to continue to be eligible to claim a virtual attendance allowance even though banged up at Her Majesty’s Displeasure.

Friday, 3 June 2011

Pointless posturing

The Yanks announce that they’re going to treat cyber attacks on their country as the equivalent of conventional warfare and start shooting when someone tries it. Then the news comes out of a huge Chinese assault on Google and Yahoo email accounts held by US and South Korean govt. workers. Are the Agents of Evil in the Orient now living in fear and trembling? Sure, they are!

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Rotten to the core and beyond

The general roar of silence when the English FA proposed a postponement of the FIFA leadership election says it all. Looks like a total boycott of their sponsors’ products would be a good idea. So that’s nothing at the mansion from, bought with or using Coca Cola, Adidas, Emirates Airlines, Castrol, McDonald’s, Sony, Hyundai, Budweiser, et al. No doubt FIFA will continue on its usual rotten way, but its sponsors won’t be getting any encouragement from me and mine.