Monday, 31 December 2012

Yet Another Quaint Rural Custom

I had my first sight of the Croftend Lake this year. When I bought the Mansion, the estate agent did mention that an adjacent piece of land floods “every year” but assured me that my land is too high up ever to be under water. Croftend didn’t flood last year, but it has flooded rather well this year and the locals are celebrating by paddling about on it using bright-orange inflatable boats.

Sunday, 30 December 2012

More Weather Fantasies

Yesterday, one of the staff came across a copy of the Daily Disaster from the last week in November. The paper was promising that we would have “the coldest winter for 100 years”. December, of course, has been mainly mild and wet, so it would be interesting if some weather expert to tell us how cold it will have to get in January and February of 2013 to make the prediction come true.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Life, but not as we know it, Jim

Despite being in deep trouble over the police Plebgate fit-up, and deeply unpopular with his staff, the boss of the Metropolitan Police, Hulk Hogan Hypen Howe, has been awarded a knighthood for his services to policing. Not because he deserves it but because it’s in his job description. Ain’t life wonderful!

Friday, 28 December 2012

Unexpected red stuff!

I’ve just had a very strange experience. I started typing, I realized that there was something soggy on one of my fingers and I saw red stuff on the “s”, “w” and “ctrl” keys. Then I spotted a small, front-to-back slit in the top of the third finger of my left hand. The puzzling thing is how I managed to cut myself between switching the computer on, letting it boot up and starting to type something given that there’s nothing with an obviously sharp edge anywhere in sight. It’s the sort of thing which would give my health & safety inspector nightmares – if I had one.

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Customer unfriendly

Don’t you just hate firms which leave their phone system switched on as normal when the staff have skived off? One of my staff tried to ring an outfit called Bathing Solutions last Saturday. He got to the Service Dept. via a menu system and sat listening to a recorded message telling him his call would be answered as soon as possible until he realized that there was no bugger there.
     Same on Monday, Xmas Eve, no one there but Bathing Solutions didn’t have the courtesy to arrange a recorded message saying they weren’t there and informing customers with a breakdown when they might get a chance to talk to someone about getting it fixed.

Tuesday, 25 December 2012

Believe it or what!

Seen in the TV guide for yesterday: Bizarre ER: Featuring a man who accidentally barbeque’d his own buttocks!!! I think the “Really” channel deserves a question mark after its name!

Sunday, 23 December 2012

So much for a non-political police force

The more you hear about the Plebgate (Plebs at the Gate?) affair, the more convinced you become that a gang of coppers fitted up the Tory chief whip with false statements and the top civil servant charged with an “investigation” didn’t, or couldn’t, do a proper job.
    I wouldn’t mind so much if it was equal opportunities fitting up by a police “service” brimming with diversity after 13 years’ training under new labour, but I can’t imagine these solid trade unionists doing it to a Labour chief whip.
    p.s. The boss of the Met., Mr. Hyphen-Howe, who didn’t cover himself with glory either, is up for a knighthood. Unless it can be deleted quickly.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

Three Unwise Bozos?

How curious that 3 US Senators should complain about a film, which says information used to track down terrorist Osama bin Liner was obtained by torture, because they feel that the film will be factually inaccurate and misleading. Where have they been for the last century whilst Hollywood and its imitators have been rewriting history merrily and shamelessly? And usually to take the credit for British achievements.

Friday, 21 December 2012

Whoopee! We’re All Gonna Die!

It’s the Fin de Si├Ęcle of the Mayan Long Count today and the doom-mongers reckon we’ve had it. So look out your old Country Joe and the Fish LPs and play us out in style! Gimme and F! etc.

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Alarmism In Action?

We were threatened with the Coldest Winter for a Century just a few weeks ago. Now, we’re in a mild spell with lots of rain and floods threatened. Is this another example of the Global Warming Swindlers at the Met. Office getting it wrong?

Monday, 17 December 2012

Lost touch completely

Dave the Leader is obsessed with same-sex marriage, which is a certain vote-loser. Meanwhile, Calamity Clegg is worried about multi-millionaire pensioners getting a free TV licence. Which adds up to about what? 6 people? 7 people? No wonder the country is still in the mess New Labour left it in.

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Gone but still with a hand in our pockets

Over two million quid paid in hush money to a Libyan dissident who was handed over to the Gadaffy regime as part of a dirty deal done by Tony Blair, Abu Qatada getting the rent on his a half-million pound home paid for by the taxpayer because this spineless government won’t defy the authority conveyed to the ECHR by Blair’s New Labour gang, and Blair is raking in the dosh and living very high on the hog. Oh, for a revolution and a lamp post with a strong crossbar.

Saturday, 15 December 2012

The slimy sleazeball!

Ed “The Wrong” Milibandit has sunk to a new low. He put an apology for New Labour’s total failure to control immigration in a speech, leaked it ahead of time to the news media, then didn’t actually read out the embarrassing apology when he did the speech. So now, he’s claiming he made the apology when he didn’t actually make it. How very New Labour.

Friday, 14 December 2012

One cheer for the police “service”

It’s not often that a copper gets a general “well done” these days because they seem to be either thugs or terminally PC, but the constabule who dared to invade a school nativity play in Surrey to tell the selfish parents to get their bloody cars off the pavement deserves a round of applause. Pity he’s not likely to go far in today’s police “service”, which frowns on initiative and common sense.

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Always a doom-monger with a daft story

Now that fracking experiments are to continue, and doom-mongers are going on about methane coming out of the taps, someone has reminded us that the ancestors of the doom-mongers were saying that the North Sea would be drained (somehow) if the oil industry were to be allowed to operate there. Nothing like a spot of recycled doom before lunch.

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

It’s all about the dosh!

Why is Dave the Leader so eager for same-sex marriage? So the Treasury can collect £100 from pairs who went in for a civil partnership and now want to pretend they are married. New Labour left the country so broke that any old scam is worth a try!

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Boot the Bulldog in the wallet at your peril!

Nothing like firing up the Great British Sense of Injustice to make a difference! Starbucks Coffee, doesn’t pay corporation tax, and Caffe Nero, ditto, are losing significant sales to Costa Coffee as the boycott of tax-dodgers takes effect.

Monday, 10 December 2012

H.M. The Queen embraces new technology

The big news of yesterday, after the death of Sir Patrick Moore, much-loved astronomer, was that Her Majesty will be doing her Xmas TV broadcast in 3D. Well, that should be a big thrill for the 8 people who have the technology and the inclination to tune in.

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Definitely going to the dogs

When the great institutions crumble, the nation is doomed, runs the adage. Well, the police have gone down the slippery slope and it looks like the SAS is following the rest of the armed forces into contempt. We’re not normally allowed to know what the SAS is up to but the case of Sgt. Danny Nightingale did leak into the public domain. And now there’s an ex-SAS officer who has decided to sue the Metropolitan Police for arresting him with guns on the basis of non-existent evidence. Worse, he got zero support from the SAS Regiment. We’re definitely dog-fodder.

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Zombie Tosh!

How do you prove we’re living in Zombie Britain? You assume that people have to change their job and where they live every 5 minutes, and if they stay in the same job and don’t move house, we’re stagnating and doomed and zombified. What a load of rubbish! What a self-fulfilling premise.

Friday, 7 December 2012

What goes around, comes around

I was amused to read the story of the self-publicizing cyclist who filmed himself being provocative toward motorists to get on TV, and who has now made a target of himself. The fun thing is that if someone does run him over, the police with have about 17 million suspects. Which should slow them down a bit!

Thursday, 6 December 2012

You can’t help but laugh

Don’t you just love it when a politician gets to his feet intending to tell a big, black lie and accidentally shoots himself in the foot with the truth? And aren’t you glad it was Ed Ballsup who did it?

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Unjust deserts

Someone else has gone to gaol for bashing a thief who, with 2 accomplices, was trying to steal quad bikes from his yard. Sometimes, the law is an ass and sometimes it’s interpreted by donkeys. And when you get a combination of the two, so much for justice.

Monday, 3 December 2012

Not me, mate!

So everyone in the country is expected to spend £10,000 per second today on hoovering up on-line bargains? Guess who’s going to be bucking the trend and not spending a single penny today. Because I can!

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Stickability pays, but only a little in China

It’s amazing that the Chinese government let that couple in Wenling stay put whilst a motorway was built around them because they were offered £22,000 for a house which had cost them £60,000 to build. It’s rather sad that they had to accept a paltry £26,000. No doubt the difference vanished into some waxwork’s secret bank account. But at least they weren’t served tea laced with something radioactive and deadly, which seems to be the Russian government’s preferred solution for inconvenient people.