Duck!

If you hear a “whoosh!” tonight, it’s a 2-mile-wide asteroid sailing past the Earth. It’s as big as the one credited with wiping out the dinosaurs 65 million years ago (plus a lot of help from volcanoes on Earth) and it has a satellite 2,000 feet wide orbiting it.

A word of explanation?

We’ve had the coldest spring for 50 years. So what do the Global Warming Swindlers have to say about that? Surprise! Tim Yeo MP, chairman of the Commons energy and climate change committee and dedicated Warmist, is now accepting that nothing bad will happen if the Earth warms up a bit and there’s no proof that humans are doing it. Wonders will never cease.

Racing Certainty

One of the staff was complaining that he couldn’t place a bet that it would rain today and make any money out of it. So much for the British climate, bank holidays, and the cynicism of the bookmaking fraternity.

Big bloody deal!

A professor at M.I.T. has done a study and found that cats are better at lapping up liquid than dogs because they have a more efficient tongue action. I’m sure we’re all infinitely better off for knowing that.

Not just them

The two mock Jihadistas who murdered Drummer Rigby should be tried for treason, a lot of people are saying. Not just them. The net should be extended to everyone who encouraged them, and they should be in the dock, too, if British. If not British, they should be booted out of the country, ’uman bloody rights notwithstanding.

Not really trying

The Nottinghamshire Police are feeling pleased with themselves because they sold a drug dealer’s German army surplus scout car for five grand on eBay under the Proceeds of Crime Act. They also found a few more bits and pieces whilst trying to recover the 100 grand specified in a court order. But it would have saved the taxpayer a whole lot of messing about and incidental costs if they’d just flogged off the guy’s two-hundred-grand house and given him the change.

It’s the way he tells them

Dave the leader has decided that his messing about with marriage hasn’t gone far enough. If marriage shouldn’t be restricted to a man plus a woman, then the number of people involved should not be restricted either. Expect to hear at the next Tory party conference, Dave saying: “I don’t support polygamy in spite of being a Conservative. I support polygamy because I am a Conservative.”

Desperation Row!

Oh, dear! Dave the Leader is getting desperate – cooking up a dirty deal with Labour to keep the wheels on his obsession with same-sex marriage. No doubt there is a lot more entertainment in the pipeline when he has to try to grease it through the House of Lords.

Technology? Who needs it!

The Daily Disaster amused me yet again today by revealing that “contactless” store cards don’t give the customer less hassle. They’re supposed to spare people the ordeal of having to put the card in a reader but some machine will charge items to them when they’re a lot further away from their reader than the couple of inches the customer is told about. As a result, the customer can pay with another piece of plastic then find he has all the hastle of having to claim back the cash from a phantom simultaneous purchase made with the “contactless” card, which never went anywhere near the reader. One step forward, two back.

The PC mob has a lot to answer for

The “Black Dog Strangler” escaped from a secure mental hospital in Newcastle – back in January, the Sunday Disaster informed us today – but the NHS Trust responsible has refused to release details of who was negligent to avoid causing “damage or distress” to the Black Dog. Which leaves me convinced that the people involved in the decision should be branded unfit for work involving decision-making and banned from the public sector trough for life – with loss of benefits accrued – for their wilful stupidity and the attempt to gain advantage by covering up their failure.

What’s the game, Dave?

Are the Tories trying to shed power because they don’t think Britain is worthy of them? That would seem to be the only reason for pursuing trivial and financially suicidal policies to put off the electorate, and calling the party’s grass-roots organizers “swivel-eyed loonies” and doing their level best to annoy the Tory stalwarts into quitting. They have a long way to go before they can make the likes of the Two Eds – Balls-Up and Milibandit – look electable [the spell-checker gives “execrable” as an alternative to “electable”!!], but the Cameroonies are certainly trying.

Drop dead, Dave!

The institution of marriage is something to celebrate, sez Dave the Leader. And it’s not something that idiots like Dave should be messing about with, say the rest of us.

That’ll be the day!

Dastardly Dave, our fearless leader, would like to see the oil company employees who rigged fuel prices sent to gaol. Maybe they could serve their sentences in the Bankers' Wing at Dartmoor, which seems to be remarkably empty of the crooks who rigged the inter-bank lending rate and caused the banking system to collapse through sheer incompetence.

Another rubbish study

I see that the latest waste-of-time study in today’s Daily Disaster reckons that it’s a bad idea to retire because you end up miserable and in wretched health, both mentally and physically. Don’t believe a word of it. It’s just propaganda from the government, which can’t afford to let people retire because New Labour and Gordon Broon spent the country into bankruptcy.

Success! But not one we wanted.

It looks like New Labour’s plan to dumb down the population is working. A bunch of researchers has found that people in the early 21st century score fewer IQ points than the people who were around in the late 19th century. Which kind of explains why things are so crap these days in everything to do with government, including education.

Not going to plan

A weekend-just-gone of mixed sporting delights at the Mansion. Everyone enjoyed the Cup Final, especially when Wigan managed a goal and spared us the ordeal of extra time and penalties. Not so much joy among the brave souls who wasted a couple of hours on the Spanish Grand Prix. Dumbing down the tyres certainly gives the customers lots of overtaking to watch, but it doesn’t give them any racing if drivers can’t block an overtaker without destroying their already crap tyres.

They keep repeating the same mistake

The Daily Disaster did it again today: printed a headline claiming the 636 council officers now earn more than the prime minister. Wrong! They might be paid more than Dave for running some tinpot council, or some part of a tinpot council, but they certainly don’t earn it.

What do they want? Blood?

Knowing of my investment in wind energy, and knowing that wind farm operators are paid a subsidy for the power they produce and get more cash for not producing electricity when demand is low, a neighbour was asking me if they have to pay a penalty for not producing energy when demand is high and the wind isn’t blowing. Bloody cheek!

Kind of obvious, really

Is anyone really surprised to know that using one of Google’s pairs of specs with a built-in computer can result in eye-strain and headaches? Not only that, hackers can get into the system to spy on what you’re seeing and hearing in addition to having Google tracking where you go via the GPS system. I don’t think I’ll be in any rush to get one when they finally go on sale.

Sometimes, you can laugh

Like when Nige Farage offers to join the Tories if only they’ll get rid of Dave. Now, I’d vote for that!

You can’t really laugh because they’re wasting public money doing it

Sheffield city council thinks it can conquer global warming by banning old ice cream vans from working within the city limits. As around 90% of the vans serving the area are over 5 years old, that means ice cream sales will more or less end. The council is Labour controlled, of course.

We seem to be living in a state of anarchy

Judges won’t obey the laws passed by Parliament, or guidance from the Home Secretary and the head judges, and they think they’re entitled to say the law is whatever they choose. Same with chief constables, who are making all sorts of stuff up post-Leveson despite lacking the authority to do so. Maybe there should be a few firings to show these arrogant “public servants” that they have to observe the rules, too.

Unexpected consequences

It’s vastly amusing, the ingenuity of the minor political parties when they want to be noticed. The Monster Raving Loony outfit, for instance, has been able to take umbrage over the Tories describing UKIP supporters as ‘fruitcakes and loonies’ because they claim a monopoly on loonyism. Which is all very well, but doesn’t take account of the real world Monster Raving Labour and Tory parties, which can achieve heights of stupidity which the MRLs can only dream of.