Thursday, 31 July 2014

Bullets Baffles Brains

Put a gun in a copper’s hands and his brain switches off. That would appear to be the conclusion to be drawn from the story of the deer in County Durham, which was struck by a car and badly injured. There was no vet handy to put the animal out of its misery, so a couple of firearms officers were given the job. But instead of shooting the deer, they proceeded to batter it to death with a crowbar.

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

This is what Green Crap is all about

How is it saving the planet to cut down trees on the other side of the world, use vast amounts of energy to reduce them to wood chips, and FLY the chips across the Atlantic to burn in power stations here instead of coal? But that’s something which the present and the previous governments think is a good idea.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Dream on

The governor of the Bank of England thinks the banksters at Lloyds Bank, who conspired to defraud the taxpayer, should face criminal charges and go to gaol. But a banker in gaol? That would never happen!

I’m all right, Jack

Having had a good moan about delays at the passport offices, the public sector union in question has chosen to aggravate the situation with a strike. Never heard of hypocrisy, of course.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Mercedes bog it up

It might be fair enough to ask a driver to let his team mate go past if he’s closing in on him at pace but if the guy can’t get near him, it’s just daft. Was it unreasonable to expect Lewis Hamilton to slow down to let championship rival Rosberg go past him? Yes. Will that stop the team making a similar bone-headed request in the future? No.

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Very low farce

The WWE pretends to be against bullying but there would be no TV shows left if you took the bullying out of a WWE script. And is there anyone who hasn’t been involved in the bogus arrest with handcuffs script?

The thin edge of a very wide wedge

Police plans to kidnap mobile phones from every driver who is involved in an accident won’t stop there. Before we know it, passengers will be included and then every piece of electronic equipment, even laptops and tablets locked in the boot. And equipment belonging to spectators and then everyone living within a 5-mile radius of the incident. Because coppers with the power to grab something from a member of the public know no boundaries.

Friday, 25 July 2014

At least we know at the moment

Labour, paid for by the trade unions and people chasing honours, is moaning that the Tories are paid for by Russian oligarchs. But the money has to come from somewhere. And let us not forget that if politicians had their way, either all of the donations would be top secret, or the cash for political parties would come from the taxpayer and we wouldn’t be allowed to know how much they get or what, or who, they spend it on.

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Isn’t it warm here?

I’ve just been taking a short break in a cooler clime as relief from what the weather is doing to us in Britain. This really is quite an exceptionally warm spell. No doubt there have been lots of similar ones in the past, but my memory isn’t supplying any. Which is probably normal for most people, and why the Global Warming Swindlers get away with their claims that things are really hot and we need to give them more money.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

He doth protest too much

How do we know that Russians shot down the Malaysian airliner over Ukraine? From the hysterical quality of Putin’s denials and the laughable lies coming from the regime.

Get out of gaol free in Brum

Michael Gove is replaced as education minister and surprise! The teachers involved in the Islamist take-over plot in Birmingham are all going to keep their jobs. So that’s another endorsement for Islamic racialism and social distortion. And no misconduct in office charges against the members of Birmingham council who ignored warnings about what was going on. How very, very cosy and New Labour.

Friday, 18 July 2014

Just how stupid do they think we are?

The Russians are claiming that the Malaysian airliner, which was shot down by their stooges in eastern Ukraine using a Russian SAM, was in fact shot down by the Ukrainian government because they thought it was Putin’s personal plane with Vlad the Awful on board.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Another Dave Disaster

Michael Gove was one of the few Cabinet ministers doing a good job, and the only Education Minister prepared to stand up to teaching unions which think that turning out kids who can read, write, do sums and behave like reasonable human beings breaches their ’uman rights. So, naturally, he had to go to avoid further unfavourable comparisons with the clunkers. The only wonder is that IDS still has a place in the Cabinet.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Phew, over at last

If the World Cup final is still nil-nil after the 90 minutes will we switch off? As it happens, we didn’t but we did decide that we definitely would switch off if it was still scoreless after extra time. A win by penalties is no way to settle the last gasp of anything. I don’t think anyone was actually watching the screen when Germany scored their goal. But there are always replays. Lots of them.

Thursday, 10 July 2014

World Cup semi-final alibi

The Dutch and the Argies are blaming their inability to find each other's goal on a failure of Brazil's notorious GPS system. Outraged Brazilians are now demanding to know why it wasn't switched off long before Germany put 7 goals past their team.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

It also has to be said

It comes as no surprise to learn that the politicians who are so desperate to take on the power to censor the news media are up to their necks in a cover-up of child abuse by Top People.

It has to be said!

Brazil were so bad in their World Cup semi-final against Germany that even England could have beaten them last night.

Monday, 7 July 2014

Ain’t goin’ nowhere!

It’s amazing what sort of a tangle big companies can get themselves into through sheer ineptitude. Take Eurotunnel and Eurostar. One of their trains breaks down a mere 8 miles from the British coast and the whole system grinds to a halt because there’s no plan for hauling a broken-down train out of the tunnel.

Sunday, 6 July 2014


“You look rather tanned, have you been down a coal mine?” Is that a racist comment? Does it even make sense?

Everyone’s getting in on the racket

If everyone is entitled to their own firm of bogus lawyers, I’m having Poulson, Blair & Ponzi, Debt Adjusters.

Really? No one?

No one is above the law, says Dave the Leader as his ex-spin doctor is sent down for 18 months for phone hacking. Really? Jimmy Saville? Tony B. Liar? Cyril Smith? To name but three.

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Survival of the Luckiest

There seem to be no obviously better teams at this stage of the World Cup. It’s the same script every time: one side gets lucky when both sides are getting too shagged out to move or think, and what went on in the first 90 or so minutes is totally irrelevant.