Saturday, 31 August 2013

So what?

Does anybody really care that President O’Bummer has cosied up to the French as his new best buddies and someone to share the blame for bombing the crap out of Syria? Nope.

Friday, 30 August 2013

Good thing or bad thing?

One thing that Disaster-Area Dave got exactly right is that Tony Blair really did poison the well of public trust with his lies and dodgy dossiers on Iraq in 2002/03. But if that prevents Dave from getting us into another foreign war a decade on, then about 0.1% of a cheer for Mr. B. Liar. Let President O’Bummer and the French bombard Syria, and take the flak for creating another Iraq/Libya-size mess.

Thursday, 29 August 2013

National hand not stuck in mangle

It was more with surprise than satisfaction that I heard that Dave the Leader’s headlong rush into another foreign war; teaming up with President O’Bummer to flatten bits of Syria; was derailed by his own party. It’s good to hear that the Tories can actually say “NO!” to a nutty scheme occasionally.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Are older workers job-blocking young hopefuls?

The older they are, the less likely they are to have been exposed to the wrecking activities of the looney, trendy Lefties in the education system from the 1970s on, and the more likely they are to be able to write, spell, do arithmetic, talk to someone in English and actually turn up for work occasionally.

Pudding over-egged?

There’s a trailer on the Discovery Channel which talks about “criminals revealing the Dark Side of the American Underworld”. But isn’t the Underworld supposed to be 100% dark and full of bad guys? So what scope is there for a dark side?

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Bullet dodged

I actually thought about watching Man. Utd. versus Chelsea last night. As it turned out to be a bore-draw, I’m glad I didn’t bother.

Monday, 26 August 2013

More ways to waste police time

If they arrest the police commissioners who lied about where they live, are the police going to have to do the same for all the parliamentary candidates who were parachuted into a constituency and falsely claimed to live there? It sounds right up the street of the modern, post-New-Labour police “service”, which no longer concerns itself with real crime.

Makes you think!

Entertainer Cheryl Cole’s whole-bum rose tattoo is reputed to have taken 15 hours to complete. Does this information amount to a coded message to the effect that she has a bum as big as an elephant’s?

Sunday, 25 August 2013

Vindication for those who thought it was a silly idea

Did we want crime commissioners? No, that’s why hardly anyone bothered to vote in the elections, knowing we’d just end up with party hacks. And a couple of liars, if what today’s news is saying is right. The commissioner for North Wales really lives 175 miles away, in Cardiff, and the commissioner for Hampshire actually lives 115 miles away in Northamptonshire. So two of the characters charged with hiring and firing chief constables and acting the part of the old borough police authority don’t think the people paying their wages deserve the truth.

Saturday, 24 August 2013

Eyes wide shut

The government has been promising to get tough with illegal immigrants for the last 3 years. But it failed to notice that New Labour stopped recording the identity (photographs, fingerprints) of evicted illegals in April 2010, letting them sneak back under a new name. Is it likely that Dave & Co. are going to do anything to plug the gap now they’ve been made aware of it? And Gordon Broon will explain why he did it? Anyone holding their breath is advised to get a life.

By the way, Dave

Could you make it a sacking offence to award NHS cosmetic surgery to celeb wannabes and male prisoners who want to pretend they are a woman? (And vice versa.)

Friday, 23 August 2013

Think of a number

The official estimate of the H2S rail link ignores VAT and inflation. Adding them in increases the bill from the official £43 BILLION to a stonking £70 BILLION. Which is still £10 BILLION short of the latest independent estimate. So the question is: How many BILLIONs will Dave the Leader blow before he does the decent thing and cancels this total waste of time and money? Lots, probably.

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Something else amusing

The trade union Unite and the teaching unions think that schoolkids should get lessons on how to go on strike and how to disrupt the running of a organization like . . . a school. And then they have the cheek to moan when a Tory minister dares to point out that schools turn out kids who are totally lacking in the skills needed to get and hold a job.

Suspicions confirmed

I have always been convinced that all these pricey “health supplements” are at the level of snake-oil medicine, especially anything with “pro”, the ultimate PR con, in the name. So imagine my amusement at the row caused by Which? magazine’s assessment of the claims made for a wide range of supplements as exaggerated, misleading and possibly illegal.

Fill in the blanks according to political persuasion

**** needs to stand down as leader before the next election for the sake of the **** party. Stick in Miliband and Labour or Cameron and Conservative, and you’ve caught the mood of the nation.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Interesting rumour

I have been told that there is an opinion poll showing that enough Tories to make a difference plan to withhold their vote at the next general election if the party doesn’t get rid of Disaster Dave and elect a leader who has some real Conservative values and who understands that if you make a promise, you’re expected to keep it.

Soft on crime encourages more

It was no surprise to find that the West Sussex police had to change their tune over letting the rent-a-mob “protesters” run riot at the oil-drilling site in Balcombe. Apparently, the camp has become a target for kids on benefits and people from all over Europe with nothing better to do than hang out and cause trouble, and the police just had to do something in the face of a great deal of public derision.

Monday, 19 August 2013

One small fine, lots of profit left

It was interesting to see that Tesco has been done for misleading customers and fined a trifling three hundred grand for dodgy half-price offers on strawberries. What is actually surprising is that the judge described the case as “shocking by its very nature because consumers have a high degree of trust in national chains”. Sounds like the judge needs to get out more!

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Oh, yes, it’s the Silly Season, isn’t it?

What else could it be when one of the newspapers comes up with a story about rogue SAS agents being responsible for killing Princess Diana? Well, I suppose it makes a change from who really killed J.F.K.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Too poisonous to touch?

The Archbishop of Canterbury has made an interesting decision not to become an honorary patron of the RSPCA, which has come in for a lot of stick for wasting huge amounts of money on politically motivated prosecutions and outright persecutions. Maybe the RSPCA was just a step too far after the church’s embarrassment over its investment in

Threats do work

The West Sussex police have shut down an outfit drilling for oil in Balcombe because anti-fracking rent-a-mobsters have threatened a riot there. Which sets an interesting precedent. It means that anything can be stopped if you can threaten to produce a big enough mob: fracking, the H2S train line, by-elections, sittings of Parliament, sittings of secret courts, absolutely anything.

Friday, 16 August 2013

Spies R Us?

I see Google is in trouble again. The company that does no evil has been scanning messages on its email service and using the data mined from them to add “appropriate” adverts. But some outraged customers in California have taken Google to court to complain that the postman does not have the right to open and read all the mail he delivers.

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

What planet are they from?

A firearms unit copper sneaks off for rumpy-pumpy with someone else’s wife and he’s fired. But he’s reinstated on appeal on the grounds that his trousers might have been around his ankles but his gun was still in reach in case of an emergency. Yeah, right.

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

So much for technology, Part II

My ingenious minion has found an answer to the problem of Windows updates being installed and uninstalled every time he switches his new laptop on and off. He installed them manually in groups of about 20 instead of letting Windows install them all at once. He now seems happy that he has beaten the system.

Wow, gosh!

The Hyperloop, which can blast passengers from L.A. to San Francisco in half an hour, is an interesting idea. And if it crashes, you won’t have to worry about being stuck in hospital for repairs. The rescue services will be lucky if can find enough bits of you for a DNA test to confirm you were in the wreck.

Monday, 12 August 2013

Brilliant move, Dave!

The Spanish government is giving Gibraltar a hard time to distract from internal difficulties, so what does our prime minister do? Threaten them with legal action. I bet they’re quaking their boots, Dave.

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Doing it to yourself

The boss of the RSPCA might be offended when people complain about heavy-handed prosecution being used quite cynically as a PR weapon, and his own overblown salary, but they remain two huge reasons for making charitable donations elsewhere.

So much for technology!

One of the staff has just bought a new laptop. When he tried to switch it off, the machine announced that it was installing 78 updates and he touched the off switch at his peril. The next time he switched it on, it announced that it was configuring Windows with the new updates, then that something had gone wrong, and it was going back to where it was before the updates had been installed. Same story when he eventually switched it off again: don’t switch off, there are 78 updates to be installed. Same story when he switched it on the next day; configuring Windows, oh, dear, something went wrong, unconfiguring Windows. He’s now going in search of expert help.

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Something worth repeating!

“The UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom has been quoted as talking about bongo-bongo land in the context of Britain’s overseas aid. What he actually said was bunga-bunga land, where every government minister and state employee is expected to take a bung from the British taxpayer’s enforced generosity as of right.”

Friday, 9 August 2013

Bullet-hole in foot

Dismal Dave, the Tory leader, got all self-righteous about the money he wastes on overseas aid and how rotten it is of UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom to point out how much is stolen. Meanwhile, it has just come out that Dave has banned his own ministers from talking about overseas aid in case they are overwhelmed by a sudden attack of honesty.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Easy to be blasé when you’re paid big bucks

The imported Canadian governor of the Bank of England is keeping the interest rate at rock bottom until at least 2016. It will swindle savers out of a ton of cash but will “benefit their children and grandchildren”. And if they don’t have any children, they can just drop dead because they don’t matter?

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Gee, thanks!

One of the staff at the Mansion has had an email from City Link Parcel Delivery to say he will get a delivery between 7:30 and 17:30, which would appear to be a prime example of obfuscation with bogus precision. Is giving a 10-hour delivery window any more helpful than telling the truth: it will be sometime today but we’re not going tell you when?

Even More from Naa-Naa-Land!

The Liberals seem to have lost touch with reality completely if they plan to put a ban on all petrol- and diesel-fuelled cars by 2040. Given that they are a political irrelevance, they might as well include a promise to make everyone rich, famous and happy. They won’t have to deliver on that, either.

More from Naa-Naa-Land!

The geniuses in charge of the Dept. of the Environment think that Council Taxpayers would swallow a rise of 20% to pay for better street sweeping. But they haven’t said whether this includes the right to sue the council's officials for misconduct in office if they take the money and don’t spend it on making streets cleaner.

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Tell us another!

A Turkish professor, on a dig funded by the EU, is claiming that his team has found a piece of the “True Cross” in the ruins of a 7th century church. Has no one told him that if all the known pieces of the “True Cross” were laid end-to-end, they would reach half-way to Mars?

Monday, 5 August 2013

Screw diplomacy, go for tit for tat

If Spain is going to charge people 50 euros to get into and out of Gibraltar, our own government should charge Spanish terrorists 150 euros to enter and leave the UK. And 5,000 euros/day if they overstay their welcome.

Putting it in perspective

On the one hand, the Tories are being clobbered for offering child-care help to families with two working parents but not to families with one working parent. On the other hand, if Labour were in power, no one would get any help at all. Half a biscuit is better than no biscuit at all, and a starting point for shaming the buggers into doing more.

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Headline of the year!

“Tragedy Dad’s New Life As A Mum” – decorated the front page of today’s Sunday Post, Scotland’s favourite newspaper.

No brainpower needed to be a mayor in Cumbria?

The owners of a café at Millom in Cumbria have been past winners of their local council’s “In Bloom” competition. They were disqualified from this year’s contest, however. Apparently, the mayor and another judge “were unable to find the site”. So the area has a mayor who is too dim to make a phone call to ask for better directions? Obviously just a figurehead and just as wooden.

Saturday, 3 August 2013

Thankless task!

So Gordon Brown’s fund-raiser is now a peer? Obviously a reward for his services to attempting the impossible on behalf of the unwanted.

Friday, 2 August 2013

Uruguay says “yes” to . . . what!?

I just glanced at the newspaper and I thought the headline said “cannibals”. But on closer inspection, I found that “cannabis” is what will be okay in Uruguay when the bill crawls through the Senate. Apparently, it’s a cunning wheeze to take the profits from drug dealing out of the pockets of criminals.

Our gratitude would be entirely superfluous

The management of Lloyds Banking Group are busy sending out self-congratulatory letters to shareholders telling us how well they’re doing. But as we shareholders haven’t had a dividend for donkey’s years, and we’ve been on the short end of a massive collapse in the share price, and the bank’s savers aren’t exactly getting worthwhile interest rates, we’ll put the congratulations in perspective and wonder how long it will be before the present, self-satisfied lot get the bank back to where it was before the last gang of bunglers, and Gordon Brown, drove LBG into a taxpayer-funded bail-out.

Any publicity is publicity?

A bloke living in Salford Quays, Manchester, is quoted £1.2million for insuring a 10-year-old car, and when he contacts the firm to make sure they mean it, they offer to let him pay at £104,000 a month? Sounds to me like some sort of weird publicity stunt by the firm. It certainly got their name in the papers.

Thursday, 1 August 2013

Not where I am, mate!

Swatches of brilliant orange on the BBC weather map. Temperatures in the 30s Centigrade on the chart. But when I looked out of the window, it was cloudy and a long way short of 30 degrees. So do I believe my eyes or what I see on the TV?