Spin applied

Our Prime Mayor has admitted that the invitation to Put’n the Poisoner to attend next year’s G20 meeting here is just puff and nonsense. No top bods from Put’nstan dare show their mugs here and just minions will be sent.
    Which will be interpreted as a sign that the West is no longer bovvered about the assault on Ukraine and normal relations can be resumed.

Opting out

A survey has concluded that teenage girls are no longer sporty. More and more of them would rather mess about with a pocket phone than get out and compete and get healthy.

Trigger warning

The following programme may contain scenes unsuitable for flashing images. Daft? Well, aren’t they all!

Fantasy

The government is claiming that its mass release of criminals from gaols will put them under the strictest possible monitoring conditions. Which can include them waiting 5 months to get an ankle tag.

Just talk

Making Angrier Robot the Housing Sec. meant that Labour has no chance of getting even close to its target to build 1.5 million new homes.
    Completion rates are the lowest for a decade due to excessive taxation and red tape.

No shortage of political gas

Our Prime Mayor’s latest bit of gaslighting is a claim that Brexit caused the invasion of small boaters, and also a loss of collaboration with EFU neighbours. In fact, the opposite is true.
    Brexit was our response to constant swindles by the EFU’s bandits in Brussels with nothing worthwhile on offer to us.
● The major economies of the EFU are stagnant, so no help for ours on offer, and their socialist governments are on the way out.

The rip uncovered as off

Pet care companies are reported to be disappointed by a Competion & Markets Authority revelation that vets’ bills have been rising at twice the rate of inflation.

What nice people!

Students in London want to stage a protest march against Israeli ‘genocide of Palestinians’ on the 3rd anniversary of the massacre by the Hamas that started off the destruction of Gaza and writing off 73,000 Palestinians.

More down the drain

Legal aid thrown at bogus asylum claims cost the taxpayer the best part of £20 million in the second quarter of this year, the Ministry of Injustice has admitted.

Doom loop

.Things is getting desperate if allegedly sensible economists are telling us that pensioners need to be short-changed to let Labour buy benefits votes.
    No danger of cuts to the bloated welfare systen, natch, so let’s kill off a few more pensioners.

Be aware!

.The government is considering making people who can’t control their dog take an awareness class, at suitable expense; something similar to the course offered to drivers who can’t control their speed.
● It has taken the Responsible Dog Ownership task force 4 years to come up with this further way of stealth taxing.

Cunning move

The Chancer of the Exchequer’s answer to Labour’s financial crisis has been exposed. He’s not going to cut taxes and government waste and debt, he’s just going to shift the goal posts a bit.

NHS crisis

.A review of A&E customers found that 550 receiving corridor care die every week. This is blamed on A&E departments having an average occupancy rate of 175%, and a shortage of beds is leaving people stuck in corridors.
● The small size of the study puts the actual excess deaths rate somewhere beteen 33 and 1,038 per week.

Major problem

.Prime Mayor announces long-term plan to steal £40 billion from pensioners. No one surprised.

Deadlegs’ Inaction

.Labour border laxity has allowed over 83,000 small boat illegals into the country since the 2024 general election. This gang now outnumbers the British Army. And nothing is being done to stop the invasion.
    Yet a government spokes still claimed that ‘the plan’ is working. But hey, spokes and credibility are not bedfellows.

Mythical barrier

We are being invited to believe by the pundits on TV that two-quid per litre for diesel fuel has not yet arrived. Obviously by people who haven’t been to my locality, where it’s still 201.9p/litre. The latest rise is in Mr. Esso’s petrol, which has gone up another 2p to 176.9p/litre.

Sneaky, or what

The Israelis have come up with a less violent tactic for forcing inconvenient Arabs out of occupied spaces on the West Bank of the River Jordan. Instead of crudely shooting Palestinians, they are cutting off their water supplies to end drinking, agriculture and tourism.

Gesture Polyticks

Our Prime Mayor has invited Put’n the Poisoner to a G20 meeting in Manchester next year. This is being dismissed as just attention-seeking as the Poisoner is liable to be arrested on war crimes charges here via a warrant issued by the International Criminal Court in response to his war on Ukraine.

Wipeout!

Nothing to do with A.I – the NHS in Scotland is heading for bankruptcy and extinction due to the cost of prescribing fat jabs. With around one-third of both sexes obese north of the border, the race is on to reduce the size of the fatties to save the service.
● This can happen only if people can come off the fat jabs. If they are on them for life, extinction will follow.

Far-Insane

The members of Bristol City council are in line for the Lefty Scumbags of the Year Award if they think threatening people who put England flags on lamp posts with 2 years in gaol is what they were elected to do.

Alternatives

There are a couple of reasons on offer for why we shouldn’t take the doombuggers seriously when they claim A.I will kill off humans in a decade or so. 1. They are just attention-seekers. 2. The lesser A.I companies are hoping that brakes will be applied to the field leaders to let them catch up, and they think the leaders are trying to cement the status quo to stay on top and collect all the available investment cash.
    It’s the global warming scam in a new frock.

Dumbing downward

The Education Sec. wants to prepare potential university students for junk degree courses by creating junk GCSE courses to prepare them for the next level. Her senseless opposition to academia is well known, thus no one surprised.

No change

Was our Prime Mayor ‘much reduced in stature’ after being head-butted by President $thump? Not really. You can’t sink lower than the obviously out of his depth deadleg status which he enjoyed before he jetted off to the Untied States.

Enemy cash

China is making no secret of funding both Argentina’s bogus claim to the Falkland Islands and the bogus Chagos claim by Mauritius. President Eleven being a big buddy of President $thump isn’t helping.

How many years?

Defence Sec. Wee Streeting has been obliged to admit that the Chagos Surrender and £35 BILLION payout is on hold ‘for years’ if President $thump thinks it’s a stoopidly terrible idea.
● As $thump has only 2 years to go in his final term, is our govenment expecting the next White House incumbent to think the Betrayal is a bad idea too?

The new divide

The interweb is dividing people into 2 categories, a survey by a camping club has found. They are either adventurers, who go off exploring and put videos online, or couch potatoes, who watch the videos and never go anywhere themselves.

Dead sneaky

More and more illegals are finding that sneaking across the Channel and avoiding the usual taxi services is a great way to get to England and disappear. Our wonderful government has responded with a call for a review. Sometime or other. Maybe.

Panic button error?

5 evil and vicious terrorists in the pay of Put’nstan (allegedly) were busted at RAF Fairford? Apparently not if they have all been released on bail after the people in the area were kept out of their homes for days over a bomb threat.

As expected

Burnbum bottles it. Lots of words. No plan details. Not stragety on offer for tackling waste and government debt. What is on offer is conversation. Translation: the can will be kicked down the road. No one surprised.

Speech shouldn’t be free

Jonah Burnbum’s latest Big Idea is a Ministry of Truth, which will stomp all over those who don’t agree with him and his sorry government.
    Those trying to counter government disinformation will find themselves clobbered with massive fines or stuck in gaol? Reform UK sees itself as the obvious target.
● The Ministry of Truth will have the full backing of the Corbynsteiners and the green grotters. Mr. Alias is particularly keen to sort the press out for reporting his tax dodging and the antics of his poisonous rabble.

Debt costs to grow

The OECD and the IMF are both frowning at our wonderful government’s failure to get a grip on spending and the failure to provide economic growth.
● They don’t call our Prime Mayor Jonah for nothing. Government borrowing costs are back where they were in 2007 when he was a minister in the Blair regime and Gordon F. Broon was busy bankrupting the country with his notorious tax ‘n’ waste policies.

Mass ingratitude

The Burnhum Bump has turned out to be just a media delusion. The voters are not thrilled by a Labour party that swapped the deadleg Smarmer for another of the same ilk. No snap general election on offer and things can only get worser.

More questions

Are we really a nation in total denial about drug abuse? Or are there millions of people for whom the ishue is irrelevant because they don’t indulge in illegal drugs and the only time they think about the issue is when they read a rumbustious rant about it in a newspaper?

Not a Labour-vote winner!

More from the Tories that won’t get them the benefits vote! Those who haven’t contributed much; or nowt, to the national piggy banks will get a 30% reduction in Universal Credit and a payment card that won’t work for booze, ciggies and gambling. In legit shops, that is.

Today’s Questions

Is Charl E. Spencer trying to distract attention from his far from praiseworthy existence with a book about his long-dead sister? Or is he a masochist who revels in all the counterblasts he’s getting?

TV weirdness

That was an utterly bizarre Twix TV commercial shown during an episode of Murder, She Wrote yesterday. It featured a pair of singing (sort of) Jonah Burnbum puppets. That’s going to sell lotz and lotz. Not.

Two-faced, or what!

As the Budget draws ever closer and the financial news gets even worser, it becomes clearer that what will take the biggest battering will be the reputaion of J. Healey.
    He flounced out of the Defence Secretary job in a shower of indignation over Bier Smarmer’s refusal to be bovvered about the defence of the nation.
    Now, he looks like he’s going to grease up to Jonah Burnbum as Chancellor by endorsing the betrayal of our defence which got him so worked up rather recently.

Reality bite

A Labour peer who helped to inflict Jonah Burnbum on us is telling him to stop pretending that he can promote growth in every postcode as it just makes him look like an even bigger chump when his policies prevent it.
    Jonah needs to get real on the likes of welfare and stop using as an alibi, Margaret Thatcher creating prosperity that Labour can never hope to equal.

Moving with the times

Predatory spikers are switching from drinks to vapes, the Met in London reckons. And it is happening more at private parties in houses and flats rather than in pubs and bars.

Partial truth

The President of the EFU Commission declared that Jonah Burnbum’s Betrayal of Brexit and thrusting the UK back into the poisoned clutches of the EFU will “further boost the Britisch economy.”
    She failed to add the inconvenient truth that it would be boosted even deeper into Labour’s tax ‘n’ waste dustbin.

Saturday West

The TigerCats visited Edmonton and opened with a FG. One for the Antlers. Swiss cheese defence, TD for the Cats, 10-3. Another FG for the Ants to start Q2. A punt reception fumbled to the Antlers! Another FG, 10-9. The Ants survived a sack, Fajardo fan for a 1st down, holding by the Ants, another FG, 10-12. A pick gave the ball back to the Antlers. FG, 10-15.
    In Q3, the Antlers fumbled the ball away, nowt from it. Blanchard again with a FG, 10-18. Another TD for the Cats, 16-18, no +2. The Antlers to the TC 2, TD for Fajardo, 16-25. One the other way, 23-25.
    A punt in Q4 gave the Ants a rouge. FG, 26-all. A late pick by the Cats set up a FG, 29-26. Edmonton FG and overtime.
    The Cats kicked a FG, 32-29. One by the Antlers. And another, 32-35. EA 4 for the Cats, just a FG. 2-point shoot-out, Cats stopped. End zone pass by Fajardo, 35-37 final. Phew!

More encouragement

What happens when a mega-dinghy with 60 illegals on board sets out across the Channel? It gets a French escort of 4 lifeboats and a big tugboat and a naval helicopter initially. Then 2 RNLI lifeboats move the illegals to a Border Farce taxi.

Evolution in action?

Deaths of young people in road accidents are significantly higher than for other age groups. Why? Because they won’t wear a seat belt, the experts reckon.

Saturday East

The Stampeders charged to the nation’s capital on a beautiful afternoon. A quick TD for the Stamps. A FG from the winless RedBlacks in reply. A rouge for the Stamps late in Q1.
    A FG for the Stamps in Q2. A big boot by the RB, 11-6. A qukck TD for the Stamps, then they picked the RB; nowt from it. After a stop on 3rd and 1, the Stamps marched to another TD, 25-6. Ottawa close as the half ran out, TD! 25-13.
    The Stamps kicked a FG 3 minutes in to Q3. Nearly for the RB. A pick by them was wiped out by a penalty. Lots more Philpot, on to a TD, 35-13. In Q4, The RB got close, sack, on to a TD, 35-21 with +2. A FG for the Stamps. Another TD for the RB. FG with 2 minutes left, 38-31. Another TD settled things, 45-31 final.

No reprieve

Could the A.I industry in the West come to a standstill? The minions are being signed off work with stress-related complaints in world record numbers following doombugger warnings that they will assassinate humanity.
    Which will do nothing to make the threat go away if the minions of enemy states in the Middle East and the East are kept toiling away under the threat of on the spot extermination if there is any slacking.

First impression: not!

No surprise that our Prime Fantasist failed to impress President $thump at their first meeting in the Untied States. The jolly there ran into a wave of disapproval over the Chagos Islands betrayal.
    Jonah, of course, tried to dump the blame for everything on Bier Smarmer but just confirmed his cluelessness.

Ancient tripe

I read with a groan that 23 years ago, Britain broke the 50 million ‘barrier’ for pocket phone ownership. What garbage. Never should have been printed in the first place.
    There never was any obstruction to that many sales; and if there had been, the phone companies would have demolished it in short order.

Aaah, no.

The Iranian campaign of dithering has wasted a bit more time via an offer to open the $thump Strait (of Hormuz) that was never going to be accepted. So it goes.

Desperate for votes

Eddie Gravy, the Trivial Post Office Minister who let Horizon Happen, is in favour of giving transpicaters more rights then normals, particularly if they are XY and their targets are XX. Mr. Gravy appears to be hoping to deflect votes away from the green grotters, who also embrace this agenda.

Equality in action

What’s a great reason for never voting Tory? One chump offered Mrs. Badenuff’s decision to believe King Chuck over Charl E. Spencer, the book plugger.

Deadly propaganda!

The World Cup TV coverage set world records for showing advertisements on hoardings; as opposed to the usual ad breaks; for junk foods, booze and gambling. That’s the conclusion of academics in England, who used an A.I super computer to analyze TV offerings.

Aqueous barb

The latest bit of rachelism from the non-Europeon community is an unchalleged by the guardians of lor’n orda accusation that there are white tears. Which are inferior to those of any other colour.

Big hole

Red faces for the Border Farce. It was GB Views who alerted the authorities to 7 illegals who were approaching the Kent coast on a tiddler dinghy. Five of them didn’t stay behind to be busted when the police arrived.

Presidential absence

President $thump is at war with the top broadcast networks in the US over what he sees as their fake news. He doesn’t like their attitude and they don’t like his, and they’re not putting him on the air much, and messing about when they do. But he’s still on the interweb, of course.

Out West 2

The RoughRiders visited the Lions, FG from their opener. Red zone for BC, TD, 3-7. Red zone for the RR, FG in Q2, 6-7. One for the Lions. Close for the RR, on to a TD, 13-10. Scoring range for BC in the last minute, TD, 13-17.
    Another Lions TD in Q3. The RR stopped on a 3rd & 2 at the BC 9. Defence to half-way through Q4. A BC punt from the end zone gave the RR a short field, FG 16-24. Rourke escaped a sack attempt, pass play to the RR 11. TD from the next play, 16-31. RR to the BC 2, TD, +2, 24-31. Final.

Hands out

The benefits culture that keeps Labour MPs in a job has got 20% of those between 20 and 64 in England and Wales on universal credit. It’s over 30% in some hot spots.

Circular track

The ADHD racket has really taken off in wealthy areas where parents can side-step the NHS and get their kids declared autistic or whatever by the private sector, and eligible for PIP cash taxed off the parents.

Out West 1

The Argos headed for Winnipeg, where the Blue Bombers missed a field goal and saw the ball returned for a TD!!! Close for the BB, TD, 7-all. Olivera to the Argo 11, TD from the next play, 7-14.
    A batted pass was picked by the BB in Q2. Red zone, TD pass. Kelly with a bomb pass, TD for the Argos, 14-21. Another BB FG try was short and returned. Nearly a pick by the BB. Missed FG by the Argos but no score from the return.
    In Q3, Kelly sacked then fired a bomb TD pass from the next play! 21-all. Brown’s turn to be sacked. His next play picked. Into the red zone, Kelly picked in the BB end zone. A FG for the Argos early in Q4. 3rd and 1 for the BB, off to the end zone! 24-28. FG for the Argos in 13th minute, 27-28. FG for the Argos with 27 seconds left. 30-28; final after a pick by the Argos!

Unsocialism

It’s a rather strange world view which condemns putting your country and its people first as far-Right and far-wrong, and applauds those who put the demands of foreigners and incomers, legal and illegal, in the priority zone.

Off by heart

Jim Koik as a cod Chicago gangster taking over a planet from the local hoods on behalf of the Federation. How often have we seen that episode of Star Trek, huh? Feels like at least a dozen.

Desperate, or what

What’s the latest from our Continuity Smarmer Prime Fantasist, a man noted his lack of ideas? Allowing boozing by the crowd at a football match on equality grounds.

Influenzer wannabes

The British Museum has had to ban the taking of photographs of the Canterbury Embroidery. Punters were taking too long messing about at popular sectors and causing delays such that the final session of the day was having to be shortened or even cancelled.

Full spectrum

What is the Equalities Minister’s response to women telling her that they feel at risk from male illegals? A burst of equality and her opinion that ALL men are a threat to women, not just illegals.
● B. Phillipson also claimed that the government would have done something about the growing ranks of idle NEETs if it had been able to. Do we assume that equality was behind the total lack of action?

Justice Denied

Judges exceeding their powers; and left unchecked and allowed to get away with it; are being blamed for letting tens of thousands of migrants into the UK. No sackings are expected.

Cash grabber

A majority of GPs think over-diagnosis of ADHD is swamping NHS services and pushing patients towards a private sector which is making a lot of cash out of it. Nothing on offer from the government in the way of a solution, of course.

The right way

The Tories are going for popularity if they take over. They’ll scrap the Tourist Tax, restoring VAT-free shopping for visitors to put £4 billion into the economy that won’t be fed to the benefits voters.
● Reform UK would do something similar; stop Burnbum’s Labour mayors from imposing an overnight stay holiday tax to ruin the life of the customers.

If only

What would be a great, idea-provoking birthday present for President $thump? A copy of Allah’s Thunder by Henry T. Smith; maybe in a talking book version rather than my lulu.com paperback. Written in 1988, when Iran was being a lethal nuisance, it is about what the architect of the plan considered to be the greatest ever engineering project of all time!

Which will it be?

Will Charl E. Spencer win the Galsighter of the Year Award or will it go to one of the political mob, as usual? As usual, no one seems too bovvered about the outcome of this annual small interest event.

Hidden treasure

Radar scans at the tomb of the pharaoh Tutankhamun have confirmed a suggestion made 15 years ago that there is a previously unsuspected system of corridors and rooms behind one of the walls.
    Archeologists are now getting excited about finding the tome of Tut’s step-mother, Nefertiti, in there. Or not.

Untouchable

Is the head of MI5 going to have to face contempt of court proceedings over deliberate lies told by his minions? Or is the legal trade going to make the whole thing go away in due course?
    One guess.

Don’t mention any war

No surprise that the Imperial War Museum is now in the clutches of wokists who want nothing to do with serving and fomer members of the armed forces. Bier Smarmer gets a share of the blame for appointing 3 new trustees, none of whom ever had to ‘get some in’ militarywise.

Kiddie crime

Bournemouth ain’t a good place to be a shopkeeper, one of them has revealed. Mothers stick a balaclava on kids as young as five and encourage them to dash into shops to steal stuff.

A very British tale

I read with amusement that the plan to park a huge gang of illegals near the village of Piddlington is on hold because there are protected animals on the site. That’s newts, badgers and bats all in danger of being stomped on and harassed by the rabble.

Course pricing

The head of the Russell Group of top universities would like courses to be priced according to subject, cost of the delivery and public benefits, as they are in Australia, where she worked previously.
    This will make subsdizing some courses easier. But what will it do about the 800 rip-off woke junk courses put on offer since 2022?

Name game

The latest hobby of newshounds is thinking up new tags for our  Prime Fantasist. Continuity Smarmer for his lack of ideas, Blazé Burnbum over his focus on protecting benefits votes at the expense of national security and attacks by Put’nstan.
    Wot next?

All talk

Jonah Burnbum has been accused of turning re-industrialization into a meaningless buzz word by pursuing tax grabs which make it impossible to achieve.

Digging the hole deeper

Labour’s Bremoaners are just plain masochists on our behalf. That’s the only possible conclusion from the way they’re letting the EFU mess us about whist pretending to do a ‘reset’ of our relations with the bloc.
    Everyone knows that the EFU is all about take and no give. And don’t the looney Left enjoy putting us on the receiving end of that.

Clueless

Our wonderful Labour government nationalized Britisch Steel a year ago but it has yet to come up with a credible revival plan. Meanwhile, the ‘business’ is depriving benefits voters of £1.3 million per day.
● Same story when Thames Water is taken over?

Another of them

If Burnbum is a Continuity Smarmer, then Healey, the Chancer of the Exchequer, is Continuity Thievin Reeves in spades. Despite the Opposition’s access to government figures, she claimed she had no idea what the state of the economy was when she took over the job.
    Healey is trying to get away with the same fantasy now, even though he’s Labour and so is his predecessor.

The world’s worst sub-titles?

Are offered on The Man From UNCLE. Thrush Easton instead of THRUSH Eastern; several times. Boneheaded and it’s obvious no one proofs the subs. Film, as in 16 mm cine film, offered as ‘freedom’. “He is an uncle. Agent.” Bananas.
    Elliot instead of Illya, and so it went on. Cricket Okasada, a Japanese lady being helped by Solow (sic) offered as soccer stadium!!!

Oooops!

Due diligence is not the forté of the Archybish of Canterbury. She gave a prize to a Moslem cleric on 9/11 + 25 Years Day. And then had to cancel it after she was told the bloke is a fan of terrorist boss O. Bin Laden.

An event with bite!

You can’t accuse the Aussies of not having a sense of humour. They’ve scheduled a 2032 Olympics rowing event on a river that’s the home to 500 saltwater crocodiles.

Another Question

Q: What is the daftest thing that any Prime Fantasist could do?
A: Give that nutter Edstone Nett Zero Milipede the power to block oil extraction around the Falkland Islands.
● The reality of Labour’s pledge to create 1,000 green energy jobs in Aberdeen is that just 53 people have a permanent job.

Just ignore them

As the doombuggers workd themselves into a frenzy over the 2027 El Niño, it’s worth remembering that human carbon dioxide emissions are a small fraction of the gases released by the natural world. And if the doombuggers were to shut down the entire UK and kill every living creature here, it would have Nett Zero effect on what El Niño does or doesn’t do.

Yes, he’s clueless

A shock-horror leak has revealed that Jonah Burnbum is so devoid of ideas that he’s reduced to following the playbook of the bloke he replaced. He’s now called Continuity Smarmer by those in the know.

Amazing benefactor

President $thump has taken control of Greenland’s security but he reckons this will cost the Untied States nothing. Is he paying for it out of his own deep pockets?

We’re doomed

Once upon a time, we were told there are enuff reserves of fossil fuels yet untapped to last 200 years.
    But thanks to the many failings of politicians, we now have experts telling us that the UK will run out of gas if we have a cold winter this year and at the start of next year.
    And, of course, the occasionals remain as unreliable as ever. The Sun don’t shine during long winter nights and the winds can be relied on to blow too fast or not at all.

Bad guys on 2 wheels

Police Scotland had an interesting response to a surge in reports from roadside cameras which monitor speeders and red traffic light runners. Switch them off!
    Cyclists doing normal biking and people doing food delivery runs were overloading their system.

Shock Horror!

This week, Esso petrol locally is 174.9p/liter and diesel has shot even more over the top to 201.9p/litre.
    Well past time for the government to stop its North Sea assets recovery dithering. But Jonah’s mob is still convinced that everyone who’s not on expenses, like them, is still rolling in dosh and can afford any grabs made.

One shout, then do nowt

The Scottish government got a booting from the Sunday Post for declaring a housing emergency in 2024 and then doing nothing to encourage development of the many brownfield sites in public ownership instead of invasions of the green belt.
    Sounds fairly typical of what government gets up to everywhere.

Addiction everywhere

There’s a lot of chat about banning kids from the internet and its addictive crApps. But what about the crApps that are built to ensnare shopoholics? No chance of them being detoxified?

A lorra foot-dragging

Police Scotland is world class when it comes to dragging its feet. The independent police watchdog has found that it is 3 years behind when it comes to making improvements in the way domestic abuse and murders are investigated.
    ‘Resource challenges’ is the PS response/alibi.

Today’s Question

Do we really care what Curly does to promote his book if we’ve seen it all before and we know how it will turn out in the end?

Get it right

Apple crumble is made with cooked apples and a proper crumble topping. It is definitely not slices of raw apple plus bashed biscuit bitz between two pieces of bread. Trade Descriptions Act time!

Safety vote

The Oxfordshire village of Piddlington has voted to leave the UK in response to Labour’s plan to park 1,400 male illegals near the village – three times the village’s population.
    The safety of the female residents and school kids was the primary concern. The government is now saying that no final decision has been made on using the former MoD. Something else booted down the road.

Union muscle

The threat of striking by teachers has forced the government to cave in on the ishue. Half a billion quid of new money has been found down the back of a sofa to prevent closures.
    The original plan was to fund 50% of the rises this year and next  out of existing school budgets. But the government has chickened out.

Defining business attire

A Labour lord is making the tie trade nervous by seeking to remove the wearing of one from the revision of the dress code. That can be a consequence of his personal interpretation of the latest update.

No rules bent!

A head teacher in Somerset seems to be working hard to set a new world record. He’s suspended 25 kids for misconduct in the first week of the new term. The whole school by the end of it?

Beer trend

The trend at pubs is the swift half now. Sales of half pints of beer are up 27% over the last year. But sales of pints are also up; more modestly; even though the average price is nearly six quid a time.

Today’s Other Question

Is it true that the money markets that handle its debt merely suspect that we have another tax ‘n’ waste government? Or have they spotted that it is just that?

Total waste of time

Why is a committee of MPs investigating why our country is always swindled into last place in the Eurovision Song Contest? Is this yet another attempt by this government to distract our attention from the mess Jonah and his crew are making?

Today’s Question

If Jaw Jo’money pays some actor to do an advert claiming Jaw’s stuff is dead great, why would we be convinced? Unless we’re just the muggiest of punters.

Petty and pointless

The building trade is complaining about councils wasting millions of pounds by insisting that new-build houses have a cosmetic plastic chimney even if they have no fireplaces.
    Preserving visual continuity with existing streets is the excuse.

Brilliant gadget

There is now a toaster that cooks its contents according to the colour of the bread in it rather than the time of residence. Costs a mere £350.

D.I.E lives on

Northampton University is requiring white freshers to apologize for their whiteness and for oppressing ethnics of other shades.

Size ain’t everything

Africa is lobbying for the abolition of the Mercator map of the world as it exaggerates the size of countries in the northern hemisphere.
    In reality, as the people keen to sell new maps of the world want us to know, Africa is bigger than the US, China, India, Japan, Mexico and most of Europe put together.
    But if this move is supposed to reshape how regions are perceived politically and economically, it will lead to the obvious questions of why everything wasn’t invented in Africa and why Africa doesn’t rule the world.
    Sheer lack of ambition?

Mean with the scoring

The Cincinaati Bengals were up against the Texans in Houston on 5NFL Live. No scoring in Q1, a TD for the visting Bengals and a FG for their hosts in Q2, 17-6 after Q3 and 20-6 at full time. Real buncha weirdos, the crowd.

Wrong tax @ worst time

Guess what! MPs won’t have to pay the Labour mayors’ overnight visitor tax. They’ll get the cash back via their expenses. The fight is now on to create exceptions. Probably enuff of them to make the cost of checking exceed the amount of cash raised.

Nice one

NFL week 2, the Packers were in New Jersey against the Jets. All defence in Q1. A TD drive by GB in Q2. One back for the Jets in the rain.
    Into Q3. Another Jets TD in the 13th minute, 7-14. The Jets had to punt but recovered a GB fumble inside their 20, FG, 7-17. GB close, TD. Big punt return by the Pack. FG and 17-all. Into overtime. Punt by the Jets. GB into FG range, 20-17 final.

Conjecture presented as fact

£18 million blown on an inquiry into the defective management at the Countess of Chester Hospital as the evidence of murders there continues to evaporate.
    £18 million spent on recommendations that are focussed on notional murders and not incompetent management.

Empty pledge

The Office for Notional Sadistics has calculated that Labour’s tax demands have killed off 226,000 jobs since 2024. No one surprised.

Ongoing scandal

Labour is working at pace to turn the country into a nation of benefits voters. This government has boosted the number of claimaints to over 4 million, a rise of 485,000.
    Even the minister in charge thinks the system for assessing claims is so slack that it is not fit for purpose. Not that anything will ever be done about it.

Saturday Two

Next, the winless RedBlacks in Calgary. Windy day, FG try by the RB missed. TD for the Stampeders. A drive into Q2 for the Stamps but stopped by a pick. The RB stopped in the red zone. Back to the red zone, on to a TD and 7-all.
    Long FG for the Stamps. Time enuff for an end zone bomb pass by Mitchell, 14-10. Less than a minute to go. Field goal range but a pass taken for a TD, 14-17.
    Close in Q3, the Stamps in for a TD, 14-24. One back for the RB, 21-24. Equal with a FG in Q4. One for the Stamps and the lead. TD for the RB! 31-27. Bomb pass to the RB end zone, 31-34. A pick of a pass that bounced of the RB receiver. FG, 31-37. DPI on the Stamps twice. At the CS 15, TD RB, 38-37, a bit of time left. 62-yard FG from Paredes, 38-40 final. Phew!

Close combat

Nice to see the Washington NFL team playing like Redskins rather than commies and making the Philadelphia quarterback live up to his name, Hurts! But the Eagles were no slouches and a home win by a couple of points is a win.
    Guten Morgen, yes. Japey Morgen, no.

Saturday One

The Edmonton Antlers visited T’ronno and the Argonauts. FG for the Ants to open the scoring. A bomb pass got the Argos close, on to a TD. Add a FG after 13 minutes, 3-10. Kelly picked in the EA end zone in Q2. Red zone, barge into the end zone by Fajardo, 10-all. A mad scamper by the QB then a TD pass! 10-17. FG for the Ants at the end of the half.
    Close for the Ants in Q3, FG. Huge pass play by the Argos, then a pick in the EA end zone. Bad snap, fumble, shambles, TD for the Argos. Groan! 16-24. The Ants inside the TA 5, pick in the end zone. A FG in Q4, 19-24. FG again, missed. Time running out. Red zone. Pick in the TA end zone. The end.

Hang on a minute

When Labour starts to rant about unfair donor influence on other political parties, let us not forget that Labour is bought and paid for by the trade unions, especially the public sector ones, and one of its rantiest ranters is a failed tax dodger.

On their bikes?

The Scottish and Welsh Nationalists, and Ulster’s IRA apologists, are uniting to end the United Kingdom so that they can be independent states. The master plan is to join the EFU and sponge off it instead of English taxpayers. Hooray!!

Read you way to health

Reading a newspaper makes people informed and promotes good health and a longer life, the Daily Disaster was overjoyed to report. The experts reckon other benefits on offer include a better memory and attention span, and better problem solving.

Was the job of the police

The Reform-led Essex county council is putting private security guards on the streets of towns where illegals are bussed from their camp to spend our money. The safety officers will move them on, especially if the illegals are masked, before they can cause trouble.

All change

Henry and Rachel Sussex have removed their 2 kids from their first choice of school in England and they are trying out another. They are believed to be worried about people taking pictures of the faces of the kids, rather than the backs of their heads, during the school run.

More grabbing

Labour plans to move road building into the private sector. New roads will charge tolls for their use and the taxes creamed off by the government will help Labour to buy even more benefit votes.
● Existing roads which are upgraded will also be moved into the sector.

Human shield

There is no need to worry about A.I killing off humanity. We have an unbreakable guard rail – a strong and smart President of the Untied States – President $thump.
    But 2 years from now, when his term of office ends, we’re all doomed! Unless the Yanks give him another term?

Bought and paid for

Labour is jumping up and down and yelling about the millions donated to Reform UK in the hope that no one notices that the party has received £150 million from trade unions since 2010.
    The Trivials are also doing a lot of yelling even though they have had £123 million from their donors since 2010.

Overworked

Influenzers are overloading mountain rescue teams around Mount Snowdon. They are encouraging people to try to get to difficult to reach spots but failing to tell them how to prepare to tackle the difficult terrain. Rescues are now double the 2022 figures.

Nothing if not perverse

The NSPCC is getting a booting for changing its rules to let male teachers supervise girls while they are changing at sports centres and swimming pools, and let female teachers do the same for boys.
    Attempts to shift the blame onto the Education Department have flopped. The charity is denying it submitted to pressure from the transpicater lobby.

Someone’s happy

Government dithering about securing domestic supplies of fossil fuels, and all the Nett Zero scams, are doing wonders for the chimney sweeping trade. People are turning back to solid fuel fires as gas becomes dearer unnecessarily and something that could be cut off arbitrarily.

Going to the Grey Cup?

 The Alouettes went to Hamilton to start the short CFL week. Lotz of defence to start. Then the Als got to scoring range. 9-yard TD pass. A pick stopped the TiCats. Sack by the Cats, FG, 10-0 at the end of Q1.
    Shambles on a short yardage play, fumble to the Als, TD! Philpot in for a TD with a minute left in the half, 24-0. Close by the Cats, just a FG, 24-3.
    FG for the Als in Q3. The Cats got close but picked off. Nowt from it. Another TD for the Als early in Q4, 34-3. Finally, one for the TigerCats! 34-9. Inside the 5, end zone dive, +2 this time, 34-17.
    Into the endless 3 minutes. Another TD for the Cats, +2, 34-25. Respectable but too late. A pick by the Als went to a FG, 37-25 final.

Invaders!

A.I should be treated like the arrival of a new species, which has evolved to take over from humanity, not as more technology. That’s the message from one of its creators. It has alien values that we humans can’t understand. But should we resist it if it’s just Nature and evolution in action?

Wriggling gangsters

More cash for the lawyers if Angular Robot tries to backdate political donation regulations going through Parliament. Not something that can be allowed to happen in a democracy.
    The millions given – one-off – to Reform UK have obviously got Labour really worried about what probes into its dark corners will turn up now that Reform can afford lotz of them.

No votes there?

An amazing 15% of those living in rural areas think that Labour MPs care about the countryside and the people who live and work there. Allowing 4 square miles of rural Wiltshire to be flattened and fitted with solar panels is typical of Labour’s true attitude to the countryside.

Blind eye tactic

The Electoral Commish has applied a ton of whitewash to the evidence of family voting during the local elections.
    Enforcing the law is clearly not important when Labour votes are at stake.

Not me, Gov

Our Prime Fantasist is trying to dump the blame for dithering over allowing the Jackdaw gas field to be developed. He’s worried that doing the right thing for the nation will push votes to the green grotters in next month’s bye-election to replace some bum called Smarmer.

Lots of it about

Wednesday’s repeat episode of The Professionals from 1980 was all about aviation, EFU cash corruption and the bad guys just casually getting inconvenient people killed off.
    Has to be a really great example of synchronicity that exactly the same things are happening in the 1997 book by Craig Thomas that I’m reading now.
    A clear message: aeroplanes + the EFU = mega-corruption.

Even more illegals

Labour is cooking up a one in, one out, one back again scam with the whole of the EFU as the useless deal with the French looks like going up in smoke at the end of this month.

Another irritating bestseller

Craig Thomas is described as ‘one of our most accomplished writers’ on the jacket of A Different War (1997). 200+ pages in, I’ve decided his style is as irritating as Clive Cussler’s.
    Mr. Thomas has a habit of starting a new section with the character being followed identified as ‘he’ or ‘her’ rather than their name for paragraphs or even pages. It doesn’t really help to have the reader thinking “Here we go again” as a distraction from the plot.

Alien fish

Tins of mackerel sold in supermarkets may not contain the real thing any more. What’s on offer is Chilean Jack mackerel, which shares the name of Atlantic mackerel but is actually a different species with a lower omega 3 content. Overfishing in the Atlantic is getting the blame.

Something special on the way

A higher sugar content in this year’s Champagne grapes has led to a relaxation of the rules. The limit of 13% on alcohol content has been raised to 15% this year.
    When the 2026 vintsage goes on sale in 2028, those hoping to get drunk faster are likely to be disappointed, though.

Part work

The management of the Countess of Chester Hospitral have been found guilty of failing to protect the lives of babies after 2 years of inquiry. But the ishue of the dodginess of the evidence used to convict nurse Lucy Letby of multiple murders remains unresolved.

The end of DIE

Reform UK is drawing up a blueprint for banning wokery from all the local councils under the party’s control. Diversity, Inclusion and Equality courses will be banned, and recruitment will be based on merit, not woke quotas.

Pointless gesture?

Would sacking the boss of the air traffic control system prevent future disasters? A much better idea would be to cut in half his £1.4 million/year salary every time there’s a disaster to focus him on the job.
    Although, three major disasters on his watch is as good a reason as any for getting shot of him without a HUGE pay-off and it would help to focus the thoughts of the next incumbent.

A fair question

An unnamed (why?) Tory MP is demanding that pensioners should be short-changed and made to contribute more to the Labour Brown Hole of debt. Does this person exist? If so, why is he/she so unwilling to be identified? We should be told.

True colours

The green grotters are now showing solidarity with another enemy. They want the UK to stop supporting Ukraine and let the invaders stomp all over the country.

Fair Dos?

Defence Sec. Wee Streeting is using his job as a platform for booting Jonah Burnbum, who booted him out of the race to replace some bloke called Smarmer. Defence of the realm or defence of Labour benefits votes is the point @ ishue.

Yet another grab

The Welfare Votes minister has decided that claiming benefits is a process which is too stressful and it should be made as easy as possible. Not good news for private sector taxpayers and savers.

A 3-times winner, so he sez

President $thump is nothing if not a trend-setter. He’s promising a $5,000 dividend cum bribe to the voters if the Republicans come out on top in the looming mid-term elections.
    Despite what the Democraps will tell you, offering this sort of ‘helicopter money’ to the people of the Untied States is nothing new. All $thump has done is big it up.

Foreign friends

Iran and the Hamas have given Jonah Burnbum and Edstone Milipede two cheers for the sanctions imposed on goods produced by Israeli invaders in the occupied West Bank. The move is supported by France and Canada as a response to the harassment and murder of Arabs in the area.

More grabbing

The latest kick in the teeth for the economy is a holiday tax. It will be an overnight visit levy imposed by Burnbum regional mayors at 5% in Labour areas.

Monstrous bump

This week, Esso petrol locally is now 173.9p/liter and diesel has shot up 6p to 199.9p/litre.

Stompers!

A survey commissioned by recyclers found that one-third of the respondents get into a wheelie bin to stomp on the contents to pack them tighter.
    Looks like councils are wasting too much cash on expensive frivolities and daftness, and not doing as much waste collection as they should.

Anticipation trip

Why is Labour so upset about the big bucks going to Reform UK? Because the party bosses are worried about what investigations and opinion polls will tell the world about what goes on in Labour’s dark corners.
    Hence the move to ban the donations retrospectively with parliamentary shenannygoats.

Ooops!

Okay, so the doombuggers are convinced that A.I could maybe might wipe out humanity in the next decade. What then? A.I gadgets hacking one another and seeking total world domination?
    But what are they going to do when the electricity grid fails or their cooling water develops a leak?
    Apart from croak.

Cornered rat failure

An attempted drone attack on a train carrying President Boris and other dignitaries from Ukraine to Poland has flopped. The train was allowed to cross the border an hour earlier than planned and Put’nstan’s missle gave another train a scare. No one hurt.

Safety neglected

Failing to cut back overgrown foliage has left drivers with serious problems, a survey by the RAC has found. Not only speed limit and give way signs are obscured. Overgrowth also creates big problems for those trying to pull out safely into traffic at junctions and roundabouts.
    Local councils are much more interested on wasting money on taking down Union and St. George’s Cross flags than in road safety.

Symptom of the times

Is it odd if scammers try to persuade unqualified members of Reform UK to take illegal foreign donations on behalf of the party, then the police go after Reform and ignore the scammers completely? Or is it just routine political bias under a Labour government?

Striking back

The scroungers from Jamaica have inspired the exploited people of Britain to come up with their own reparations list. Starting with £50 trillion from the Romans, £30 trillion from the Frogs for 1066 and all that, and at least £100 trillion from the Vikings.
    Add on the Benefits of our Civilization trillions owed to us by various bits of the rest of the world and we can all afford to retire to a life of luxury.
    Until the A.I bots write us off, of course.
    Alternatively, £30 trillion more from the Vikings as that was what the invaders from Normandy were, not yer actual Frogs, no way, they will tell you.

Cod philosophy

Take a dope and insert some amin, and what do you get? Some idiot with a brain gassed up on dopamine thinking he/she has more knees than all the bees on the planet.

The real world intrudes

President $thump is totally unbothered about the Burnbum and Milipede sanctions on Israeli thugs and killers in the West Bank occupation zone. Could this be because he knows the gesture will turn out to be meaningless in practice?
    And it’s just an attempt to stop Labour voters defecting to the grotters when the bye-election replaces Bier Smarmer next month?

Turf invasion

A trade union boss is accusing the boss of the Bank of England of rank hippocrisy because he demanded wage restraint whilst hurling huge pay rises and bonuses to BoE staff.
    Lest we forget, rank hippocrisy is traditionally the exclusive domain of trade union bosses and they do not appreciate infiltrators.

Good news!

We won’t have to put up with stroppy foreign dicktaters much longer. A doomster reckons that American A.I systems will become so powerful and out of control that they will be able to kill off all us humans in a decade or so.

Brilliant subtitles!

A green shot rose. What?? Oh, Green Chartreuse. And Sergeant Lucas didn’t get the ‘s’ at the end of his name in an episode of Maigret.
    More subs done on the cheap for the episode about The Cactus, which was used as a signal. ‘Clear the door’. Should that have been ‘close’?

Real life

Energy prices up. Vehicle fuel prices up. Inflation up. Food prices up. There’s no one better at grotting on the Prime Fantasist’s persistent delusions about the costa living than the Governor of the Bank of England.

Going in reverse

Oh, dear. Tory education reforms have put England in the top 10 of world rankings. Wales and Scotland, which didn’t get the benefit of the reforms, are trailing.
    But good news! Labour is determined to reduce England to the level of its neighbours.
    Education Sec. L. Powell is working at pace to undo all the good work of M Gove (Tory) to correct an over-focus on accademic outcomes and be fairer to dunces.

Just plain daft

Israel’s extremists are doing their country no favours by claiming that the Falkland Islands are occupied territory belonging to Argentina, which wasn’t even a country when the British found the islands. But expecting good sense from extremists is always a forlorn hope.

One to avoid

Manchester airport has been struck down by the Jonah Effect. His term as cosmetic mayor has reduced the airport to the bottom tier of Which? rankings. Over-crowded, overpriced food, disappointing customer service and the delays all contribute to a customer’s rating of ‘quite appalling’.

Self-inflicted

Maybe if the Ne10yahoo regime in Israel would stop its invaders from attacking and killing Palestinians in the occupied West Bank territory, that would deprive the anti-Semites of an excuse to have a go at British Jews. Anyone who does use the excuse should be jumped on with both feet, no matter how many votes it costs the Labour party.

Follow that

Okay, we’ll do it with the Pea Hockers at the Vikings. A pick in the first minute gave GB the ball. Long FG. Love to Watson for a long TD pass play, PAT missed, 9-0. FG for the Vikings. FK adverts. FG for GB in Q2, 12-3. All defence until a MV TD with 2 minutes to half time. 12-10. FK GB close, TD Watson, 17-10.
    Wide open receiver in Q3, just a FG, 22-10. A huge kick return by the Vikings set up a TD after 13 minutes, 22-17. GB close in Q4. FK Out on downs. The Vikings were picked off in the GB end zone but DPI killed it. TD this time, +2, 22-25. FK bloody serial killers. Shambles, Viking ball, TD, 22-32. Then a pick by the Vikings. Pylon dive for a TD, 22-39. End of with 4 minutes left.

Finally, in Vancouver

The Alouettes versus the Lions completed Super Saturday. Whyte with a FG after 10 minutes to open the scoring, 0-3. Rourke picked off in the end zone but DPI let BC do a Charge! from the MA 1, 0-10.
    Q2 started with the Lions taking a pick to the end zone! 0-17. That woke the Als up. TD for them. Sack on Rourke, fumble, taken in for a TD, 13-17. BC close, TD, 13-24. Alexander to the end zone, 20-24. Time for Rourke to scramble for a TD, 20-31. Time for a FG from the Als, 23-31.
    FG for the Als in Q3. Charge! from the MA 1 in Q4.  And again, 26-45. FG for the Als. One for the Lions, 29-48 final.

Good cheer absent

According to the Chancellor’s opening gambit, the country is turning a corner. Unfortunately, it’s heading into a dark alley where a Labour mugger with a cosh is waiting to clobber us even more to extract cash to buy benefits votes.

North of the border

The Stampeders were in Edmonton on Super Saturday. A pick by the Antlers in the 7th minute, FG from it even though the kick was tipped. A TD for the Stamps, 7-3. Adams was picked by the Antlers 5 minutes in to Q2. FG, 7-6. Close by the Ants, Charge! for a TD and 7-13. End zone bomb by Fajardo, 7-19 after the PAT missed. FG for the Stamps to end the half.
    Another TD for the Antlers in the 3rd minute of Q3. Adams sacked. FG for the Ants, 10-29. One for the Stamps. Then the Antlers blocked a punt in the CS end zone, 13-36. The Ants recovered a fumble as the quarter ran out. Red zone. Dive for a TD in Q4, 13-43. Another dive for a TD in the 9th minute. A long FG for the Stamps, 16-50. One for the Ants, 16-53 final. Go Antlers!!

Workplace perk

The Home Office has a secret massage parlour, where the inmates can have their body massaged as well as their ego. Or get a manicure or a Brazilian wax. Cut-price services are on offer this month.

A country of wealth depletion

The lacklustre Chancellor’s income tax recepts are about to shrink by £330 million. Yet another billionaire is taking his cash to Greece, where the tax regime is amazingly less predatory.

More football

ViewTube didn’t think much of the opening match of the NFL season, the CFL’s poor cousin. Just 3 minutes for the hilites with loads of them appalling ads featuring stuff you are never, ever gonna buy and guys who look like serial killers.
    A much better deal for the first ever trip to Australia; a quarter of an hour of hilites. Poor old Rams; still stuck with Stafford as their QB.

Shrift should be shorter

Anti-fraud experts are advising us to be ruder on the phone when some scammer rings out of the blue. We should be more like the Americans, who are much better at avoiding wasting time on the phone.

Banjo Saturday

The RoughRiders went to Winnipeg. Collards pass bounced for an RB pick; fumble to the Bombers. All defence to Q2. Bomb pass from Collards, on to a TD. The BB were double sacked to a FG in Q2, 0-10. FG for the RR to close the half at 3-10.
    The BB sacked to a FG in Q3. The BB forced a fumble to stop the RR. Collards picked off! Just a FG from it, 6-13. One for the BB to start Q4.
    A pick by the BB with 7 minutes to go. Nowt from it. A FG with 2 minutes to go, 6-19. And that was it.

Super Saturday 1

Boot! to the Ottawa end zone for a rouge when the Argos kicked off at home. A sack stopped the RedBlacks. Lots of defence. Big pass play in Q2 by the Argos, picked in the RB end zone! A FG for the Argos, 0-4. Close by the RB, Charge! for a TD, leaving time for a FG by the Argos and 7-all.
    The Argos kicked a FG in Q3. Another TD by the RB, 14-10. Wide open receiver, TD Argos. FG for the RB and 17-all. A TD for the Argos a minute in to Q4, PAT missed, 17-23. Monster punt by the Argos, monster return to their red zone, FG only. 23-all after an RB FG. Overtime? No, the Argos got 1 second on the clock to kick a winning FG, 23-26 final, RB still winless.

Jealousy fit

Labour is in meltdown, kicking its little legs in the air over Reform UK getting 2 donations of 36 million quid from a pair of crypto-tycoons. No one is offering any crypto-cash to Labour.

Ongoing betrayal

The SAS is losing vital senior personnel as the government continues to allow lawyers to persecute serving and former troops for profit based on vexatious and fraudulent claims by foreigners.

The true cost of Labour

The government is on target to boost the food inflation rate from 1.3% in July of this year to over 6% in 2027.

Political scam paused

Threats of legal action have forced Angrier Robot to back off from messing about with the system of local councils. Cancelling local elections was also on the cards; but no more.
    Even Labour MPs are angry about the time and money wasted on the scam, which will make decision-making even more dreadful and even more arbitrary.

Character assessment

What’s J.B good for? 1. Waffle. 2. Pass the parcel. There is no number 3.
What’s his idea of multitasking? Giving several jobs to other people and taking the credit for any that are a success.

Today’s thought

It takes a Jonah Burnbum to create a Bier Smarmer Appreciation Society.

Revenge trip?

President $thump is busy stirring up trouble in Ireland. Is this his revenge for Ireland failing to join in the Israeli/US crusade against Iran?

Just say, “Get lost!”

Jamaican scroungers are after £7 billion in ‘slavery reparations; from King Chuck. Might we suggest that he presents them with a bill for £7 trillion for the benefits received from British technology and inventions, and tells them to take their seven bill out of that?

Another big bump

Esso diesel is up 2p to 193.9p/litre this week.

Meaningless words

The Department of Health sez all NHS staff have a fundamental right to be safe at work. So how come it does nothing about NHS Trusts which fail to ensure staff safety in A&E departments and fail to prosecute violent customers?

Reality neglect

It’s official. Straight from Jonah’s gob. Buying benefit votes for the Labour party from the Moslems who are defecting to the green grotters is more important than the defence of the realm.

The people OK, their government not

The government of Israel is positioning itself alongside the regimes in China, North Korea and Put’nstan over the British government response to murders of Palestinans living on the West Bank of the Jordan by Israeli invaders.

Reality bite

Fat jabs are causing problems for major clothing retailers. They feel obliged to speak wokely about inclusivity for all sizes, but they are having to cut back on stocking huge ones to follow the market.

Wrong choice, people!

The nationalist AfD party has given the commie-lefties a big shock in elections in Sachsen-Anhalt.
    The reaction of the German federal government will be to cut funding to the area as a punishment for not voting for the commie-socialist axis.
● Violent attacks on Germans by immigrants are fuelling the political shift, according to the experts.

No escape

Taking boat-people illegals to other south coast ports instead of Dover doesn’t fool the protesters. They have their eye on the ball and they can turn up to embarrass the government anywhere.

Self-harm reduced?

Reality is forcing the government to rethink the Milipede Nett Zero scams. 4,000 job losses at Jaguar Land Rover and the prospect of losing Labour votes is making the business secretary very nervous.

Unnecessary word

Is someone who asks a question to set up an account of their own experience in that area a ‘boomerasker’? Nope, they’re just a good, old-fashioned gobsworth. A description which applies to all ages, not just to boomers.

Odd one out

More ‘do as we say’ by the green grotters. They claim they want to abolish private landlords but their deputy leader seems to have an exemption.

Just a racket

The government is working a massive fraud on asylum claims, a whistleblower has revealed. 99% of claims granted should have been dismissed but anything quick and easy gets the nod, and claimants get plenty of time to seek help from an ‘advisor’, who will be making a bomb out of this industry.

Talk tough, do nowt

The Home Sec is getting a good booting for going on about urgent and vital immigration reforms and doing nothing for the last year or so. Labour immigrant back-bencher votes at risk.

Major shift

25 years ago, people here in the UK watched their televisions in amazement as the world was introduced to a new danger. Something more immediate than communist regimes with nuclear weapons.
    Homicidal Islamist terrorists attacking New York.
    Since then, the killing has gone on at pace.

Done on the cheap?

Where do they get the U.N.C.L.E. subtitles made? Quince for Prince, solo with no capital or Selim(!) for Napoleon, Ellie instead of Illya, and lotz of other garbage.

Also man-made!

A glacier on Mount Everest has been found to be shrinking. Gorbal warmage? Nope, say the experts, but humans are still to blame. There is no sewage disposal system at the base camp for climbers and urine at body temperature is released onto the ice, melting it!

Any excuse to waste cash

Birmingham’s city council is bankrupt but its ruling Trivials, grotters and independents are going to shove it a further £2.6 million into the Brown Hole by removing Union and St. George’s Cross flags from street furniture for no good reason other than their in-built anti-Britischness.

Positive benefit

It has been reported that ‘driverless’ A.I taxis can’t handle Just Stoppers who are glued to a piece of road. The A.I solution is to ignore them and just drive over them and be a Not Stopper.

No escape, no savings

Last year, Health Sec. Wee Streeting announced that the quango NHS England would be abolished and its functions returned to the Health Department snivel servants.
    This year’s Health Sec., Pixie Balls, is telling us that this can’t be done as NHSE staff are paid more than snivel servants and the only solution is to creat another overpaid quango.

Another HUGE bump

Esso fuel prices are now a monstrous 171.9p/litre locally for petrol and diesel is 191.9p/litre. Loadsa tax revenue to waste.

Bad move

The RNLI is in trouble for using its volunteers as a taxi service for mega-dinghy illegals heading for the south coast. A main objection is that the illegals are not in peril on the sea if they’ve managed to get to our side of the Channel unscathed, and the volunteers are becoming extremely unpopular with the gangs of protesters.

We dunnit!

Reform UK is taking the credit for getting rid of Bier Smarmer. It was success as a result of their Get Smarmer Out campaign. A promise made and a promise kept.

Weakness shared

Is Jonah Burnbum right to ignore the ranting of the sad case who is president of Argentina? It’s clear that the claim to the Falkland Islands is just a distraction from trouble at home; a situation with which Labour P.Ms are really good at creating, as the Governor of the Bank of England has been at pains to point out to J.B.

Not plain sailing

Mr. Alias, the leader of the green grotters, would like to be his party’s candidate in the election replace Bier Smarmer. But he’s run into a problem. The local grotters want to make the campaign about Gaza, not him, and have a Palestinian as their preferred candidate. Mr. Alias could find himself standing against an alternative grotter if he keeps pushing his luck.

Attention-seeking?

Labour oldie Diane Abbott’s claim that saying Put’nstan is a threat to us is just a NATO fiction has been dismissed as a piece of fiction by her. A slap on the wrist for the being silly is what she got from the border security minister.

Another extreme

The weather department of the Untied Nations is talking up a super-massive El Niño event for the closing half of the year. Colder, wetter and stormier is on the cards.

Always wrong

When it comes to doing something about illegal immigrants, the Home Office can be relied on to flop. Shove them into hotels at huge expense> An outcry from the nation.
    Stick them in large colonies next to small rural villages? That puts women and girls at risk from the ones who didn’t read the leaflet telling them that rape is illegal here.
    Wot next?

An increasingly concerning situation

The National Audit Office is risking a severe gumming from Jonah Burnbum for telling us that we need to have a Thatcher Cupboard crammed with food essentials.
    Extreme weather, cyber attacks, plagues spread by enemies and government incompetence are posing severe threats to the supply chain. And DEFRA, the food ministry, is just slacking rather than doing anything helpful.

Weird bloke

The US VP, Jady Vance, thinks the world is in a mess because there is an antichrist clomping around causing havoc. Or a whole team of them?

Today’s Other Question

What does it take to flabber the gast of the Commish of the Met? The courts giving bail to dangerous criminals busted for gun and knife attacks multiple times.
    The courts are also doing nothing about repeated breaches of electronic tag rules. The conclusion has to be that Labour’s soft on crime policy is emboldening crims and endangering the rest of the population.

Robot writing

MPs are using A.I gadgets to write parliamentary motions at an ever increasing rate. Experts are warning that this can introduce outright errors into the documents and they want the MPs using A.Is to admit it and be scrutinised.

Stand down, do nowt

The Army is having to cancel training exercises to divert funds to Labour’s benefits voters. The Chancellor wants to divert £30 million from Defence and Wee Streeting, the current Defence Sec., can do nothing about it.

Floperoony

An attempt to stitch Reform UK up with a promise of an illegal donation from the US has flopped. The plot was torpedoed by Reform’s vetting process and the conspirators ended up no story to sell.

Today’s Question

Why do North Sea rigs have to be strong and why do they need really powerful helicopters to move their staff around?
Answer: Because people weighing 19.5 stones in full kit are allowed to work on them and travel to and from them.

Distraction tactic

Argentina’s Bernard Manning lookalike president keeps going on about invading the Falkland Islands to grab the oil reserves, but the expert opinion is that the country is years away from having armed forces big enuff for an attack.
    Maybe they’re hoping President $thump will do a deal to ferry their soldiers to the islands. Meanwhile, their president is being dismissed as a chancer who is desperately trying to divert attention from the messes that he has created at home.

Boot up the bum needed

The government’s dithering over the Jackdaw gas field and the Rosebank oil field is putting hundreds of jobs in Scotland at risk. Skills lost by an exodus of highly trained staff will not be easy to replace.

No cure on offer

Digital newspapers are being attacked for depriving enterprising children of opportunities to earn cash from a paper round and gain key life skills. But there are alternatives on offer, such as delivering leaflets that no one reads, for the really enterprising.

Get Labouring 2

Next, the Antlers at the Stampeders. All defence to start. The first point was a rouge for the Stamps from a punt after 8 minutes. Add a FG after 14 minutes, 0-4.
    A sack on Fajardo to start Q2, not a safety for the Ants. Sack, fumble to the Stamps.  On to a TD. One back for the Ants, 7-11. A pick with a minute to go gave the ball to the Stamps. 1st & goal, TD, 7-18.
    Another CS TD in Q4 from a long pass by Adams. Shambles punt reception by the Ants. All the way to a TD for the Antlers, 14-25. Into Q4. FG for the Stamps. Close for the Ants, TD, 21-28. A fumble recovery by the Ants, FG from it, 24-28.
    Brilliant drive to a TD, 31-28. 3 minutes to go. Adams sacked at his 2 yard line, the Stamps out on downs, Charge! by the Antlers for a TD in the final minute, 38-28 final. Yay!

Eyes on you

The hi-tech age has ushered in an explosion in domestic abuse and stalking, the police are warning. Robot vacuum cleaners, smart speakers, gaming consoles, doorbell cameras, etc. can all be accessed remotely and used to spy and intimidate.

Good point

The mansion tax will pummel those with a ‘nice’ view. It has been pointed out that the reverse should happen to those with a view spoilt by Milipede windmills, a monstrous warehouse, a HUGE A.I centre, etc.
    Won’t happen though. Labour don’t do fair, just envy.

Assessment time

Less than a year ago, Jonah Burnbum was demanding an end to Britain being in hock to the bond market, which means living within the country’s means.
    Now, he’s borrowing like a drunken idiot and piling a moron premium on the interest charged on government borrowing.
    Is this the behaviour of a rational and competent being? Only a moron would fail to see the need to tackle the moron premium.

Just anti-white rachelism

The UN has been got at a bit more by the scroungers. The UK needs to put up more statues to people of African origin to atone for the slave trade. That’s the one which Britain ended, by the way. Strange that nowhere else has to do the statue thing.
    Also, we need to cough up trillions in bogus reparations to people who don’t merit them.

Get Labouring 1

The Argos in Hamilton to start the holiday CFL. A FG for the visitors to start the scoring. Scoring range for the Argos as Q1 ran dowm, FG, 6-0. A good return of a TigerCat punt gave the Argos good field position to start Q2 but a pick stopped them. On to a TD for the Cats by QB Ford with no one to pass to! Close by the Argos, TD, 13-7. Sack by the Argos, punt, time running out. Kelly pass to the end zone, TD, 20-7.
    A pick by the Argos in the 5th minute of Q3 went to the TC 2. In for a TD, 27-7. Red zone for the Cats, fumble! The Argos had to punt from their end zone. Close again for the Cats, end zone this time, 27-14. The Argos had to punt in Q4 but roughing the kicker kept them going to a FG. DPI helped the Cats to a TD, 30-22 with +2. Red zone for the Argos with little time left, TD, 37-22 final.

Let down? Move on

Our Prime Fantasist has been warned that he needs to be on the side of police forces or their members will quit in even bigger droves than at present. The early release of dangerous criminals from goal is doing nothing to repair Labour’s soft on crime image.

On yer bikes!

President $thump has announced that he was happy to wave goodbye to Henry & Rachel Spare when they quit the Untied States. He is not a fan.

Today’s ishue

Is the Reform leader N. Farage entitled to be aggrieved about the looney Left complaining about his finances? Of course he is if the complaints are just a distraction from the Left’s dodginess and its failures to deliver on promises and guarantees and pledges.

Another big bump

Esso fuel prices are now 167.9p/litre locally for petrol and diesel is 187.9p/litre thanks to our wonderful government’s foot-dragging over extracting our offshore oil.

Stability lacking

Someone was complaining in the paper that the Chinese make 20-year plans but our alleged government doesn’t even have a plan for next week. But doing long-term is easy in a dicktatership where the Commies are always in charge, no matter who is the figurehead.
    Someone like Jonah has to keep looking over his shoulder for someone trying to do to him what he did to Bier Smarmer, and that’s his eyes off the ball most of the time.

Historical observation

Our Prime Fantasist is dead keen on taking us back to the 1970s when he was a child. Does he realize that he needs to issue a trigger warning for this? Like the one that’s deemed neccessary for woke weirdos before an episode of Van der Valk from this era on the telly?
p.s. Is Jonah going to get everyone smoking like a chimney, as they did back in the Seventies?

Dictionary corner

Today’s word has to be torious. It’s not yet in my dictionary but it has to be something really good if notorious, i.e. lacking torious, is something shockingly bad.

Correction slip

Jonah Burnbum’s apologists say welfare reform isn’t happening as he is ‘unable to deal with more than one big issue at a time’.
    To get to the truth, delete ‘more than one’ and substitute ‘any’, then delete ‘at a time’.

Days off

How many CFL matches were there on the actual weekend days of Labour Day weekend? Just Sunday’s Bombers vs the Riders this year. The Riders fumbled away their opener, FG from it. A stop made the RoughRiders punt, the Blue Bombers started near their goal line and Collards was sacked for a safety, 3-2. A FG with about a minute to go in Q1 put the Riders 3-5 ahead.
    To the Winnipeg 10 in Q2, TD Riders. Close for the BB, FG and 6-12. Red zone for the BB, TD, 13-12. In Q3, a FG try gave the RR a single. Lots of defence. The RR lost a sack to roughing the Collards. FG for the BB, 16-13.
    Red zone for the RR in Q4, Charge! for a TD, 16-20. DPI got the BB close, FG, 19-20. Inside the 5, dive for a TD by 17, 19-26. Sack, sack on Collards, BB still going, roughing the Collards, TD, 26-all.
    Into overtime. Charge by the RR, no +2, 26-32. The BB out on downs, the Riders win ‘an absolute classic’.

Bigger, bolder & more criminal

Police productivity at the Notting Hill Carnival is on the up. Assisted by facial recognition technology, arrests of bad guys were up 300% this year compared with 2022.

Today’s Question

What took 661 engineers 6 years to build? Answer: the Dyson A.I-controlled toothbrush. Which costs a mere £450.

A dose of truth

Put’n the Poisoner had his tail tweaked by the P.M of India over his unwinnable war against Ukraine. He was told we need move from endless war to the end of war. Not that this is anything the poisoner can do.

Self-harm

Not allowing VAT-free shopping for tourists is preventing £11.5 billions of economic growth and 153,000 jobs, the experts reckon. The extra spending by visitors would make £2.6 billion available to the government to buy benefits votes.

Another early release

Bier Smarmer, the U-turn king, pledged, vowed, promised to serve on as a backbench MP to the next general election. No surprise that he has done another U-ey and he’s going to quit right away after being deposed.

Agenda for disaster

What is the aptly named Jonah Burnbum all about? Reversing the changes made by the Thatcher governments; the ones that took the country out of economic stagnation in the 1980s. Piling on taxes to bloat the benefits budget even more. And betrayal of Brexit, of course.

Selectivity

The Labour plan for reducing the prison population is to prevent the early release of dangerous criminals who have attracted public attention and release other dangerous criminals with a lower public profile. But when the wheels come off that, what?

Like the Jonah Effect?

Could it be that Meta, which used to employ former Trivial Democrap politician of the Coalition era Nick ‘Calamity’ Clegg, will blame him for having to stump up £13 billion to settle claims made in the Untied States that its so-called media harm children?

War on the cheap

President $thump has come up with a very cost-free tactic for his and Israel’s eternal war with Iran. He puts pictures of something wrecked and on fire on his personal interweb spot instead of actually bombing it to bitz.

New one on me

Cosplaying??? Playing the cos? Splaying in the company of someone else? Not in my dictionary. A typo or something invented to describe Jonah Burnbum’s antics?
    Off to Mr, Internet. Blame the Japanese for this contraction of costume playing. And it’s what Jonah and the Sadgeek of a London mayor were doing in Sainsbury uniforms when they were chucking some bread around in an attempt to be noticed.

Massive grab

HMRC has failed to slip out unnoticed, the news that Labour has ripped off holidaymakers for £46 billion in air passenger duty in the year 2025/26. Add on another £1.6 billion for the first financial quarter of 2026.

A minor inconvenience

The Labour ‘crackdown’ on dodgy High Street shops has resulted in the closure of 10% of them. But only temporarily. The organized criminals are still at it big time.

Bonkers, but expected

The green grotters are doing their best to turn Norwich into a laughing stock. Removing the arm rests from public benches to make them more comfortable for dossers is one of their scams. And to hell with oldies and the infirm?

More cash blown

Under Labour, spending on frills at the Home Office is now £42,500 more than the £9,000 the Tories were spending. Branded lanyards and tote bags feature prominently in the list of burrocrapic merchandise.

Today’s Observation

We must be in for a tough time this winter if the Met Office thinks it needs names for storms going up to the letter ‘S’.
    Alternatively, we will be getting a lot of sound about reduced levels of fury as the Met Mob seek to maximize the illusion of peril whilst getting on with the task of communicating risks from severe weather more effectively.

Vague is his vogue

It’s official. The Deadleg from the North has confirmed his status. He is all mouth and trousers, and totally clueless. He’s a guesser and just makes another blind guess when things go wrong.
    Bambi or bamboozler? Has to be the first if Mr. Empty lacks the decisiveness to reach sensible conclusions.

Slow start, big finish

The Lions and the Alouettes started Labour Day weekend in Montreal. TD in 3 minutes by the Als. A FG in reply. Charge! from the 1, BC stopped 3 times!!! BC lost a TD at the end of Q1 to a penalty. A FG instead in Q2. Then ahead with a 49-yarder, 9-7. The Als fumbled the ball away, another FG from it, 12-7 at the end of the first half.
     BC were stuffed on a 3rd & 1 in Q3. FG for the Als. Flags with BC in the end zone, penalty on the Als, 19-10. A spectacular catch helped the Als to a short TD run, 19-17. The Als forced and recovered a fumble. End zone pass by a scrambling Alexander, TD? Incomplete pass. FG and 19-20. A pick by the Als after 13 minutes went for a TD, 19-27.
    A FG for BC in Q4, 22-27. A TD for the Als with 3 minutes to go. Rourke fired a bomb to the Montreal end zone, TD, +2, 30-34. Another FG for the Als in the last minute, 30-37 final.

Didn’t happen

The EFU is in mourning after being rejected by Iceland. The bunch in Brussels was looking forward to having a new wealthy member to fleece.
    Also, Iceland was seen as a stepping stone to getting ultra-wealthy Norway into its clutches.

Drain overflowing

One third of a BILLION quid. That’s how much we had to stump up to 6,000 snivel service and public sector agency staff in exit packages in the last year.

History repeated

Government borrowing costs are back where they were in 2008 when Gordon F. Broon was in charge and J. Burnbum was a minister at the Treasury as the banks about to go bust after falling for the sub-prime mortgage scam.

Ethnic invisibility

Analysis of the available data has found that the much ignored by the police grooming gangs have all sorts of organized crime connections. Drugs, protection rackets and everything. So why are they ignored?

More of it

A.I companies are buying up second-hand books, which are sliced up to create single sheets, which are scanned and then destroyed. The OCR’d text is then fed to A.I systems.
    Yet another example of the theft of intellectual property being condoned by governments around the world.

Neglect of duty

The campaign continues to stop A.I companies from stealing the voice of performers without permission or payment. No surprise that the government is dragging its feet over preventing this theft and holding the A.I muggers to account.

A thrill too far

A theme park in California has been forced to close down its ultimate daredevil roller coaster because it may, maybe might have caused brain injuries and a couple of deaths.

A spot of accuracy

Bradford on Avon in Wiltshire has won a battle with Gooble to remove a pair of bogus hyphens from the town’s name online. But the railway station’s signs, which were the source of the hyphens, will retain them as Great Western Railways reckons there is too much burrocrazy involved in making the change.

Can-kicker

No danger of anything being done about the abuse of benefits in the Budget. Nothing is going to happen until next year at least. And probably not even then.

More ‘not me, Guv’

When he had no say in the matter, Jonah Burnbum was red hot for returning the Parthenon sculptures, which were rescued by Lord Elgin. No surprise that Jonah has done a U-turn and dumped the buck on the British Museum. No benefit votes in it?
    No danger of Greece coughing up the odd trillion quid to pay for all the care and attention the marbles have had, of course.

The way it always goes

Figures from the Office for Notional Sadistics confirm that Labour’s tax ‘n’ waste is making everything worse. Even worser, the expected ‘extra stupid’ tax rises in the Budget will damage economic growth further. Everyone in the country soon to be on anti-depressants?

Nothing new

The final story in the Infinite Stars collection is a 2017 vintage look the future that talks of a façade democracy in which the government is kept in power by the block votes of drones who have no function other than to deliver their votes on demand. Just like the Labour party’s benefits culture?

Make work

Driverless taxis in London have a human behind the wheel just in case. Well, that’s a nod at creating full employment, I guess.

Crossword quibbles

1. Every compiler who has to resort to golf peg (3) [tee] should have to pay everyone who completes the puzzle a quid.
2. The clue false gods (5) [idols] is invalid as you can’t have a false version of something that doesn’t exist, and the compiler should also have to fork out a quid.

Southern style

We have a cultural icon on the Legend TV channel in the early evening now. A chronicle of American aristocracy called The Dukes of Hazzard.

The way it goes

It has been pointed out that exploiting our North Sea assets won’t reduce what the end consumer pays as life ain’t like that. The companies will grab more to make up for what the government grabs, and the government will grab even more for the tax ‘n’ waste bandwagon.

Keep on with the panics

The Enviromint Agency could well be on the road to setting a new world record for flood warnings as sunny summer gives way to soggy autumn.

Be sneaky

President $thump is nothing if not ambitious. The Gulf of Mexico is now the Gulf of America on his maps and he has just pulled same trick with Lake Ontario.
    His next step will be an ocean if he can make up his mind about whether his target will be the Atlantic or the Pacific.
    Wot next? The Milky Way will become The American Way?

Serious crime

Have you ever wondered how much the meals that seagulls snatch or spoil cost the nation? How about £171,000,000 per year?
    That’s the guess from the Meerkat company.

A man of munch

The immediate impression one gets from watching Jonah Burnbum trying to justify an attempt to get Labour-voting criminals out of gaol is that he is definitely no stranger to the biscuit barrel; a real chubby chops.
    “A barrel a day is the Burnbum way!”

Quality will out

Which is the best story in the Infinite Stars collection of space opera and military SF? At page 630, it has to be the first contact story by Robert Silverberg. It will take a lot of beating!

Polyticks vs Reality

His critics are having a go at First Meenister J. Swinney for not declaring the Scottish wildfires a major incident. In fact, it’s the job of the boss of the local fire brigade to do that. But hey, when do facts ever get in the way of slagging off a political opponent?

File under ‘M’ for Maybe

The fashion industry is being blamed for causing drought and climate change in the poor parts of the world where clothes are knocked out. A culture here of sensible buying and mending might mean the out of work garment-makers might have some drinking water. Or not.

Slight problem

What happens when the Scottish government announces the opening of a collection of walk-in GP centres? Not that much as it can’t recruit enuff GPs to staff them.

Another returnee

Princess Fergiana is returning to Britain shortly. The nation’s gossip columnists are applauding her decision as it will give them something to write about when they run out of stuff about Henry and Rachel Spare.

Attention Seeking

Our Prime Fantasist is getting a booting for telling the world all about the military goodies he personally is giving to Ukraine. Which takes all the surprise out of things when they start landing on Put’nstan.

Catch 22 lives on

Thanks to a broken system, new nursing graduates are unable to get work in hospitals due to a lack of experience of working as a qualified nurse.

A long way to go

Clinical trials are creating a jab to protect against the three main variants of the rhinovirus that causes the common cold. But if it’s 3 down, there are still 177 others strains to go.

Wiggle, wiggle

The number of Jonah Burnbum’s wobbles on the ishue of releasing dangerous criminals from gaol early has reached 5.
    More are expected to be on the way.

We’re doomed

MicroSoft boss W. Gates is not at all confident that humanity has a future. No one has a plan for dealing with the havoc that unchecked A.I growth will cause.

Guilty as charged

The current Energy Sec. has been ambushed into admitting that Labour’s Nett Zero lunacy and government dithering are the main factors which are shoving up prices, and the blame can’t be dumped on the Iran war.
    Won’t stop the ratbag trying the scam, though.

Interesting idea

Reform UK wants everyone who is kept dangling on the phone by HMRC to get a £30 discount. Which runs the risk of a ‘blunder’ by HMRC turning it into a penalty of 30 quid, and the A.I in charge of the phone system taking it upon itself to disconnect waiting calls after 29 minutes.

Out of touch & ridiculous

The Equality & ’Uman bluddy Rights Commish is getting a well-deserved booting for claiming that we don’t throw enuff cash at illegal immigrants. Or give them enuff access to benefits to which they haven’t contributed.

More cash down the drain

The No. 10 North vanity project has already cost us £50,000 for cosmetic fitting out. We are not allowed to know how many millions will be blown on staffing and security for Jonah’s Junket.

Hope for the future

Well, that was reassuring. If we create a gang of $6 Million Men, we will be safe from rogue A.Is.
    It took Colonel Steve Austin 2 episodes [series 5, 19 & 20] to get the better of one but he won out in the end. One bashed a bit colonel but one totally trashed A.I gadget.

Make-shirk politicians

Is it really part of the Prime Fantasist job to team up with the Sadgeek mayor of London to move a few sliced loaves around in a borrowed Sainsbury’s uniform? Has he got nothing more constructive to do?

Further down the drain

Our Prime Fantasist’s move to create more mayors around the country and make them increasingly powerful is seen as a logical extension of Labour’s endemic desire to spread corruption and cronyism everywhere. Does Jonah have an answer to the charge?

The Name Game

President $thump, the man who can make a deal with anyone apart from Canada, is threatening the rename Lake Ontario, which sits betwen the Untied States and its northern neighbour.
    It will become Lake America, as far as he’s concerned, on his anti-social meeja site. And the change will be ignored by everyone who’s not one of $thump’s minions.

Crunch!

The Lions were in the nation’s capital to close Week 13. 2 and out for the winless RedBlacks. A FG for the Lions. The Lions were pinned deep, and a pass attempt was pickd! 2nd and goal from the BC 10, TD! 3-7. Then a sack for the RB, punt. 3rd & goal to start Q2, pick by the Lions.
    Another pick by the RB. Dive from the BC 1, 3-14. DPI got the Lions close, TD, 10-14. More DPI, from the RB 2, another TD, 17-14. The RB got to FG range, 17-all.
    Dive for another TD by the Lions in Q3. Great TD scamper by the RB, 49 yards, 24-all. Another TD for BC. Then a pick to give them the ball in Q4. Fumbled to the RB but just a punt by them. Another BC TD, 38-24. 4th TD for No. 34, 45-24 final.

File under ‘D’ for Distraction

Attempts are being made to blame A.I systems for the high rate of youth unemployment. We are invited to believe that A.I will screen them out of lists of job applicants [because that’s the way the programming goes?] rather than everything being the fault of our wonderful government for putting the kybosh on recruitment with excessive employment taxes on the private sector.

Pragmatic, or what!

A hospital in North Devon has closed its maternity ward, forcing customers to make a 2-hour journey to Exeter to give birth. But to compensate, they are being offered lessons in how to do it in a car parked at the roadside if they can’t make it all the way to Exeter.

Just a gesture?

The West Midlands police have been shamed into reversing their decision to ignore illegal influenzing at polling stations during the May council elections. But will anything come of it?

Slow crawl city

Totally broke Birmingham’s leftie council is hoping to banish private motor cars from its streets with 20 mph speed limits; plus the stonking rip-off fines; everybloodywhere. And private cars won’t be allowed in the city centre for shopping trips.

No way

13 years after saying no to joining the EFU, Iceland has done it again. Protecting the economically vital fishing industry won out over the chance to join the eurozone and hurl vast amounts of money into the EFU’s Brown Hole of waste and corruption.

The Price

What we really would like to know is who paid Angrier Robot over one-hundred grand during her period of penance out of the Cabinet as a failed tax dodger. What they expect to get for all that cash, and how much it will cost the rest of us.

Busy Saturday 2

The Argonauts took their opener to a TD in Regina. Close for the RoughRiders, TD in the 14th minute. A sack for the RR in Q2. Another TD for the Argos but the PAT missed, 13-7.
    The Argos kicked a FG with 3 minutes left. A try by the RR missed. Close in the last minute, TD for the Argos, the PAT blocked and taken all the way to their end zone, 2 for the RR! Then a FG at 0:00, 22-12.
    A FG for the Riders in Q3. Kelly flattened by the RR defence, Arbuckle on. A TA FG try missed. Close for the Riders, Nothing. A pick at the end of Q3 gave them the ball again. Close again in Q4, TD this time, but a missed PAT, 22-21. A sack in the RR end zone gave the Argos a safety. Close again for the RR, defensive offside on a 3rd down, Charge! 24-28. All defence to the end.

Wonderful return

Installing solar panels will save £100/year in electricity costs. Which means that the system will pay for itself in 80 to 140 years, depending on the type of system chosen.
    Think you can live that long?

Busy Saturday 1

The TigerCats visited Calgary on a beautiful day. The Stamps were held to an opening FG. The Cats replied with a 51-yard TD. The Stamps were sacked to a FG, 7-6.
    A Stampeder sack in Q2 held the Cats to a FG. A 45-yarder for the Stamps, 10-9. Their next FG try missed. One for the Cats scored, 13-8. A TD in the last minute of the half put the Stamps 13-16 up.
    A failed attempt to throw the ball away gave it to the Cats, on to a TD from the next play. Sack, punt. The Cats drove into Q4. Sack for the stamps, FG by the Cats, 20-19. And another. A 47-yarder for the Stamps, 23-22. Punt by the Cats. A 49-yard TD run by the Samps, no +2, 23-28. A sack by the Stamps then a Fail Mary picked. The end.

Ongoing problem

Newspaper correspondents will keep on recalling that our Prime Fantasist pledged that he would end rough sleeping when he was the cosmetic mayor of Manchester, but failed to do so. Which is not much of a confidence builder for his pledge to end it in the whole of England.

Pollution zone

Lake Windermere is among the health hazards created by water companies releasing sewage into rivers and other waterways.
    United Utilities is working hard to create a plan to divert waste water and highway run-off away from this iconic lake.

Not a lot on offer

Iceland has had another referendum to decide whether to join the EFU scam. This would involve losing the fishing industry on which the national economy depends, and open the country to a flood of illegal immigrant scroungers.

Private only soon

England has become full of dental deserts as practices abandon the NH/S. Only 56% of the 10,000 or so practices offer NHS services now.

It goes on

Jonah Burnbum is keen to subsidise students from the EFU with our cash as part of Labour’s campaign to Betray Brexit. He talks about strengthening ties with Brussels. Translation: giving the EFU more cash for nothing in return.

File under ‘W’ for Weird

Three police farces in England have issued two ID cards to some of their coppers; male and female IDs; so that they can show the appropriate card for whatever gender they’re feeling on a particular day. ‘Concerning and absurd’ is the view of people with working brain cells; something which the senior coppers issuing the twin IDs clearly lack.

Grey Skies

Life under a Labour government is now so grim that 14% of the population have been on prescriptions for antidepressants for the last 12 months.

Lots of action

No more Thursday games, the Alouettes in Winnipeg on Friday. Close for the Blue Bombers, Charge! to a TD. One for the Als after 11 minutes. Charge! from the MA 1 to start Q2, 7-14.
    The Als to the BB 10, equalizing TD. Back on top for the Bombers. Then a FG, 14-24. Alexander found a receiver, who ducked out of a tackle, on to the end zone, 21-24. Collards made a pass to the MA 1, dropped, grabbed by the Als! An Al punt blocked, Charge! for a TD, 21-31.
    Alexander sacked and dinged in Q3, the BB grabbed the ball at the second chance. FG halfway through, 21-34. The BB drove into Q3, FG, 21-37. Another TD with 5 minutes to go, 21-44.  The one-loss Als heading for 2. An Al TD with 2 minutes left. 28-44, final after the Als went out on downs in the last minute.

The real blameholders

The main reason for the rise in the energy price cap is the international price of gas.
Translation: Labour’s refusal to exploit offshore gas resources is to blame but we’re not allowed to notice this example of the bleedin’ obvious.

Off-Piste Pain

There was a moan in the paper about the council tax on a Band D house in Wandsworth being less than that for a Band A house Up North. But no mention of how the now ousted Labour lot kept the council tax low by digging a ginormous Brown Hole of debt.

Obvious explanation

If you haven’t been getting as much rain as the Met Office’s storm warnings have been threatening you with, have patience.
    Weather Control has been saving it up to give you a good soaking on Bank Holiday Monday.

Another Mr. U-Turn

J. Healey flounced out of the Defence Sec. job when Bier Smarmer refused to raise spending to 3% of GDP. Now, as Chancellor, he has gone along with binning the idea.
    He has evidently realized that buying benefits votes is more important than the Defence of the Realm; as far as keeping his job and his status are concerned.

Round & round they go

The existence of an apparent make-work scam at the Houses of Parliament has been revealed. Well documented works of art are moved around until no record of their exact whereabouts remains. Then the audit staff leaps into action; at great expense to the rest of us; to make a show of looking for the lost treasure.
    Meanwhile, more works fall into the pit of obscurity to ensure their continued employment.

File under ‘S’ for Success

Hosepipe bans are deemed to be a success if there is a rise in the number of people in the area needing the services of an osteopath to repair a back done in by lugging a heavy watering can around a large garden.

also File under ‘A’ for Abuse

The Labour plan for a politicaly motivated mansion tax will include legal powers letting minions snoop around in any dwelling they think could be certified as a mansion so that the maximum amount of cash can be extracted and wasted.

Evil Axis Exercises

China is helping hackers from other enemy countries to get practice in closing down electricity and water supplies in Western countries. Small ones to start, bigger later?

The Golden Pince Nez

There was Sherlock Holmes investigating a case with an invalid professor on the Legend channel. Invalid? Not valid? That’s something that goes through your mind now. And gosh! The professor was anything but valid!

File under ‘A’ for Abuse

The Home Office is useless. This has been confirmed yet again by the revelation that a door which should have been closed in 2021 is still open. 215,000 EFU-source migrants have come to the UK coz the Home Office is still accepting ‘late applications’ for the scam.

Another Brown Hole

Shirk @ Homers employed by HMRC are not only excused travelling costs, they also have heating bills paid by the taxpayer. More millions wasted if the rest of the snivel service is included in the S@H count.

Scrapegoated

Dippy Dave Lammy is getting the blame for putting our Prime Fantasist in touch with the phone scammer who was pretending to be President $thump’s top aide. No one surprised.

Tainted trophy

Some anti-England mug had paid £2.5 million for the ball used by the Argie football cheat D. Maradona to swindle England out of the 1986 World Cup.

The Jonah Effect

The o’sexuals will be back parading on the streets of Manchester this weekend. The firm that organized them went bust under the previous deadleg of a mayor.

Standard issue

There’s only one type of lightning in the Untied States. You see the same distinctive double-fork flash in everything from the Addams Family to the $6 Million Man.

Demolition Agenda

The Labour party is going to shed 100,000 North Sea oil and gas jobs by 2050. Nothing is on offer in the way of alternative jobs of equal value to the nation, of course.
● Add on 440,000 lost jobs in the industry’s supply chain.

No sort of expert

Why is Jonah Burnbum so keen to go back to the 1970s? It was a time when everything was done for him, when he was a baby and then a primary school kid.
    He has no useful memories of what getting through life back then was all about. All he has is Labour’s rosy fantasies, which the rest of us don’t share.

Today’s Word

The word: balarky (n)
The meaning: a combination of baloney and malarky. The most common source is politicians wishing to distract attention from something they have done which is shameful and, probably, to their profit.

We ain’t fooled

The government is still trying to blame record energy prices on foreign wars and climate change which we’re not causing and other things beyond our control like global prices.
    But we know it’s down to the insane Milipede Nett Zero scam, the failure to exploit our oil and gas reserves and total incompetence.

Hip, Hip, Hippocrisy

Angular Robot used to say that MPs shouldn’t be allowed to make money on the side when she wasn’t. After more than doubling her salary since she got the boot from the Cabinet for her failed tax dodge, she must be really glad that no one who makes the rules was listening to her.

Rigged ballots

It has taken Birmingham City Council 3 months to reveal that there were attempts to subvert secret balloting at 50 polling stations during the May council elections. As has become expected, the police are doing nothing about it.

More bashing

Conservative controlled councils in the London area are complaining of a Burnbum Penalty following his assault on their finances and the huge council tax rises to pay for Burnbum’s devolution scam.

Bashing through the buffers

Buying benefits votes for Labour costs taxpayers £1 billion per day at the current rate. Add on Jonah Burnbum’s spending splurge to buy popularity and the coming Budget will lift the cost of government borrowing through the roof.

Con job?

Questions are being asked about our Prime Fantasist’s tour of the UK doing opinion research. The conclusion is that if he won’t publish an itinerary, it’s just a scam to let him take a day trip to have a skive somewhere he fancies.

One way to do it

Q: What’s a good way to embarrass the ousted (Labour) leader of Wandsworth council; the one that has a ginormous Brown Hole of debt?
A: Rummage through his emails and reveal how many hundreds of thousands of pounds he blew on things of no value to the council taxpayers.

Different Strokes

Apparently, in Belgian academic circles, it’s a sacking offence to dare to notice and report plagiarism carried out by someone of a different racial origin to yourself.

Tactical switch

President $thump has come up with a new strategy for defeating Iran. Economic sanctions. They will crush his enemies and they are a lot cheaper than trying to bomb the FK out of a country.

File under ‘F’ for Failure

A.I companies are unable to create bots which can cope with regional accents. Patients in Yorkshire are finding it impossbile to contact their GP if they come up against a bot.
    Being told by the bot-bods to ask to speak to a human being just compounds the problem.

File under ‘S’ for Sackworthy

No danger of our wonderful government revealing how much of our cash it blew on a booklet telling illegals that rape is illegal here. Knowing that those who could read it probably won’t, and none of them will take any notice of this pointless gesture, just compounds the crime.

Welcome worn out

The informed opinion seems to be that Prince Hairy & Co. have lost their novelty factor in the Untied States. They did their ‘look how badly we were treated in England’ routine, and there was nothing to follow it up.
    And even worse, they started to be lampooned on popular cartoon shows, and it will get worser if they stay in the USA.
● 21% of the population of the UK will be welcoming them back.

Her fault

The schools minister, L. Powell, is getting the blame for Prince Hairy’s return to England. Her campaign to destroy all the good schools has failed and there are still some left which are fit to educate the Sussexes’ kids.