Red warning grub

What do you get in a butty from what’s supposed to be an up-market sandwich shop? Loads of salt, a survey has found. More in one single butty than the NHS limit of 6 grammes for the whole day, in some cases.

Today’s Question

That advert on the Legend TV channel during episodes of the $6M Man – the one with the boggling-bonk sound track. It’s for something to be applied to balls, as illustrated by a bloke on a beach in a skimpy set of swimwear trunks.
    Which invites the questions: Is it only for balls?
    And does the stuff rot dicks, so it’s not a good idea to get any on one?

Crossword offering

Clue: Prisoner when Labour is in government (7)
Answer: Outmate

More of it

Some universities are failing to protect Jewish students from the efforts of the national anti-Semitic crisis. Or are they just not infringing the ’uman bluddy rights of the anti-Semites?

Super sneaky

Could it be that the government is behind a move to label price rises as a product of Trumpflation as a means of shedding any responsibility for its own serial financial mismanagement?

Well, possibly

Could it be that playing the FA Cup Final in London took Man. City far enough away from Jonah Burnbum’s curse to let them win?
    And that if Jonah manages to buy his way into Downing Street, the North of England will rush to prosperity when this prime doomster is Darn Sarf and well out of the way?

Not us, Gov

The Southbank Centre arts venue in London; recipient of £10 million of our money, has a very liberal policy towards its minions. If the chairman compares Reform UK voters to Nazi supporters, that’s okay and nowt to do with his employer.

Wot a FA Cup!

Some really, really naff hair styles on show. Lotz of yellow cards waved by the ref. A lot more happening in City’s half and the Pink Panther in their goal got lots of TV exposure.
    Neither goal was in too much danger until City put on past the Green Grotter in Chelski’s goal after 71 minutes. Could City waste 5 minutes of extra time and win? Yep.

So much for brain power

An expert has come up with an explanation for why we can’t spot ‘lost’ items when they are in plain sight. The human brain will look only where it expects the missing object to be, particularly if we are in a hurry, and ignore the object if it’s in an unfamiliar setting.

The BIG question

Would Man. City be able to overcome The Curse of Jonah or would the Deadleg in the North help Chelski to prevail in the FA Cup Final?

Everybody Out!

The strike-happy BMA is offering diversity and equality with a strike ballot for senior doctors. They have been rather neglected with the juveniles leaping out on strike every five minutes. But no more.

Dandelion coffee instead?

The tea producers around the world are playing the climate change card even more heavily in what looks like an excuse to shove up prices. Lower yields and more blending work to keep the taste as it is now are on the way, they say.
    Anyone got a decent substitute?

Lame duck parade

It would appear that Jonah Burnbum has thrust himself forward far enuff to encourage pundits to look at his record in detail and see all the disasters: patients dying of neglect at Stafford Hospital, vast over-ordering of swine flu vaccine, banks going bust, sending Greater Manchester Police into administration and the chief constable sacked, and all the rest.
    The general conclusion is that he would be as Bad For Britain as Angular Rainer plus Edstone Milipede if he replaced Bier. All he has to offer is Snake Oil bottled by a genuine charlatan.

More fantasy

This King’s Speech at the opening of an new session of Parliament has been declared the most irrelevant ever uttered.
    Just Bier Smarmer in desperate scramble mode. At pace.

Pandemic condition revival

The doombuggers are being extra gloomy these days with a Labour government disaster piled on wars with Ukraine and Iran. Good news for youngies who won’t work, however.
    With 165,000 jobs predicted to go up in smoke, they won’t have to waste time pretending to be too anxious to work.
● The Rainer workers’ rights charter is seen as the biggest disincentive to recruitment.

No fly

Tourists hanging back over fears of flight cancellations are forcing airlines to cut prices to drum up holiday trade. The decline in business ranges from 10% to around 44% for some destinations.

Busy Day

The Polis of the Metrolopis will be charging around in armoured cars today with a Cup Final, a gathering of patriots and the usual gangs of Islamists out and about to contend with.
    So that’s another £5 million of our money down the drain.

Today’s other comment

Why don’t they just shoot the bugger(s) and spare us all the messing about?

Some choice

Just what we need – The Deadleg in the North versus The Deadleg in the South in a battle to decide how the country is to be trashed.

Today’s Comment

Serbia Smarmer: “Let me be quite clear . . .”
Derived meaning: “You can see right through him.”

Legal failure

Something that’s not going away is the ishue of the convictions of nurse Lucy Letby for murder on the basis of ‘evidence’ which fails to pass ‘not proven’ standards.
    Three years of foot-dragging by the Criminal Case Review Commission is evidently not enuff.

Fat brats

25% of kids starting primary school are overweight or o’bese and in poor health. So much for the child-rearing skills of their parents.

Fact or fiction

Put’n the Poisoner has announced that his attack on Ukraine; the 3-day dash to victory which is now in its 5th year; is coming to an end.
    Interpretation: Ukraine’s superior fighting forces and drones are regaining lost ground and wrecking Put’nstan and the invaders have no answer to them. Or it’s a bluff.

Reading the runes

It has been an interesting few days for the pundits, especially those doing The Wee Streeting Story. Will he launch a convincing challenge for the Labour leadership? Or will he act tough then bottle it?
    If there’s an available scenario, it has been dump upon Wee at some time or another and everyone can claim to have got it right at some point in the procession. And expect everyone else to ignore the times when things were got hopelessly wrong, of course.

Today’s Question

When are we going to get a report on the health of the Strangers’ Bar door, which was the object of an unprevoked assault by failed (at the moment) stamp duty dodger Angular Rainer?
    The nation wishes to know.

The politics of confusion

Bier Smarmer’s claim that getting rid of him would plunge Britain into chaos is raising doubts about the sanity and contact with reality of not only Bier but also his cronies.
    If we are in Tory chaos, as they keep on droning on at us, how can we possibly get chaoser?

Something else going wrong

If you didn’t have your first child at 29, feel guilty. That’s the implication of research on on the other side of the Atlantic, which declared 29 as the perfect age to start breeding.

A lot of it about

Labour’s fantasists are under severe threat from Mr. Alias of the green grotters. Was he a spokes for the British Red Cross? Nope. Did he work for the Ministry of Justice? Nope.
    Did he pay council tax when he was living on his canal barge? Nope. And then there’s Mr. Baggy of the grotters, who flaunts his flash cars whilst the rest of the grotters are waging war on motorists.

Reversal!

Put’nstan’s Victor Day event in Mockba this year was just a small Defeat Day event. It needed a short truce arranged by President Thump to avoid a shower of Ukrainian drones on Red Square.
    Worse, the meat-grinder in the west left Put’n the Poisoner with nothing much to display and be triumphant about in terms of soldiers and tanks.
● Being in Mockba was a rare experience for Put’n as he spends most of his time well away from the capital in bunkers to avoid assassination, lurking in rooms done up to look like offices in the Kpeml.

Dither, dither, dead

The inquest on a woman who drowned after becoming trapped in rocks on a beach in Lowestoft paints a sorry picture of the local so-called emergency services. She was let down by the ambulance service, coastguards, the fire brigade, everyone.
● Freeing her, when it was finally done after she was dead, took a couple of firemen only about one lousy minute.

“Let the people decide”

President Thump is going for the ultimate distraction – he’s ordered the declassification of hundreds of pictures and reports of UFOs, and that’s only a starter.
    It’s all part of proving that his regime is more transparent than previous ones.

Well, that’s credible; not

The picture in the paper showed a line of illegals on a Border Farce marine taxi. One of them is circled and we were invited to believe he could might maybe be small boat illegal No. 200,000.
    Right. So on to the next waste of time, is it?

Nowt to offer

The Labour party might have identified non-entity Bier as a problem but it’s stuck with the same problem whoever replaces him. Whether it’s the Deadleg in the North or some other deadleg, things for the customers will only get dearer and much, much worser.

Doorstep messages

What has done for Smarmer’s Army is delivering the wrong sort of change. Such as doing pensioners out of their winter fuel allowance, grabbing lotz more in taxes, raising the costa living, trying to abolish jury trials, letting criminals out of gaol early or not even sending them to gaol, ignoring shoplifting, betraying Brexit, et al.

Today’s Question

Why does Angular Rainer pick on doors?
    Answer: Because they are fixed in place and they can’t chase her to fight back.

Too much

Is it reasonable to send a woman to gaol for sticking a knife into her estranged husband after he took her two pet dachshunds to a vet to be killed?
    Still, Labour is notoriously soft on crime and so she could just be inside for a year. Or even less.

The Riddler

Mr. Alias has been refusing to admit where he pays his council tax. Opinon is divided on whether this is routine attention-seeking or an attempt to become a Man of Mystery.
    The world awaits his decision? Right.

Clunking fist descends

Italy and Portugal have both chickened out of suspending vexatious EFU border checks after some behind the scenes booting. Greece remains the only less-hassle destination for visitors from the UK, and expects to do very well out of it.

Still gone

The conveniently missing McSweety phone ended up in a second-hand shop in Peckham, the police discovered. It was sold but returned by a customer who couldn’t get it to work as it had been shut down remotely.
    The bloke at the shop was arrested for handling stolen goods. The phone, and any Mandelsleaze stuff still on it, remains missing in action.

Life’s complications

The Pope has revealed that he had trouble getting his bank in his home town of Chicago to change his details when he moved to Italy. An operator put the phone down on him when he told her that, actually, he’s The Pope.
    He then had to get a minion to chivvy the boss of the Chicago bank to get heads banged together and the job done.

More spivery

FIFA is getting another booting for exploiting World Cup fans. This time, the disgust is over charging $375 for T-shirts which look like they cost a couple of bucks to make in China.

No deal

President Thump doesn’t seem to be having much luck with his campaign to intimidate Iran’s dicktaters. He’s rapidly running out of excuses for not resuming bombing the FK out of them.

Not any sort of saviour

Let us not be in any doubt that it was due to the antics of Angrier Robot as well as Uncle Bier and the rest that got Labour a kicking from the electorate. The last thing we need is doing what she wants.
    How was an uneducated shop steward able to buy an £800 grand seaside holiday home; on which she failed to pay the right amount of tax; and whose pockets are she in? That’s what we need to know now.

Patriot Gold

There is now a 23-foot statue of President Trump ‘made of gold’ at his personal golf course in Florida. Which leaves the rest of us wondering how long it will be before some enterprising crook strolls off with it to find out how many millions of bucks it’s worth melted down. Or ends up disappointed by gold paint.

Politics of the pathetic

Reading what the ministerial aides who quit offered confirms that Labour is full of fantasists. The country can’t lose confidence in Smarmer – it never had any. People didn’t vote for change at the general election – 80% of them didn’t, anyway.
    And another but different deadleg in No. 10 will make Nett Zero difference to anything.

Wee Feartie!

The SNP leader admits that he’s scared of a Reform government in England with Mr. Farage as PM. That’s why he’s agitating for an independence referendum before the next general election and he’s slathering Farage with rachelism slurs.

The way it is

Smarmer told to go, fails to get the message. No one surprised.

Nice racket

Members of the Scottish Parliament who stood down or were evicted by the voters will get bonuses totalling £4 million to help the 66 stooges to resettle off the gravy train. The amount was boosted by a pay rise which came into force on April 1st, before they got or took the bullet.
● The vote was 40% for parties demanding an independence referendum and 60% for pro-Union parties in the constituencies ballot.
● 50% of the Scottish electorate didn’t bother to vote.

The real King’s Speech

“My Prime Minister will continue to bog things up until he is booted into touch and replaced by another deadleg.”

Get it right

Someone needs to remind Mrs. Badenuff, the Tory leader, that Labour didn’t win a mudslide in the last general election because people voted for Smarmer’s Army. Only 20% of the electorate did that. Uncle Bier got in via Vote Reform, Get Labour.

Be Inventive!

One of the excuses deployed by the French for taking our money and doing nothing to stop small boaters is that slashing a dinghy to make it unseaworthy infringes the ’uman bluddy rights of the illegals on it.

Digging deep

A spot of good news for Labour came from Birmingham, where a bloke who was gaoled in Yemen for trying to blow up the Britisch consulate there stood as an independent candidate for the council and got booted into touch by his Labour rival.

Split engineers

A survey by a firm of financial business advisors had concluded that the divorce rate would be much higher but for the cost of doing it. A clear hint that using their services would be a big help to would-be splitters.

Bad as politicians for getting it wrong

The Oxford Union isn’t having much luck with picking a new president for this student debating society. The last one got the push for celebrating the murder of the US activist Charlie Kirk. His replacement has been sidelined following allegations of vote-rigging!

Pie Wars

A plan to call a road in Melton Mowbray Pork Pie Way has upset the local veganists. They suggested Vegan Pie Way as an alternative which isn’t pig-demeaning.
    “Farcical” was the response of the local council’s leader.

Keep him there?

If Reform UK is now the top dog, there remains a role for Bier Smarmer. As Mr. Farage announced, he’s Reform’s best asset; with the stress on the ‘ass’. Meanwhile, Smarmer is working at pace to make sure that the blame falls where it belongs – on his deadleg minions, who have let him down badly and not improved the lives of the voters fast enuff.

Wot planet is this from?

Quiz clue: 46-inward team
Response: WFT?
Answer: Eleven
Response: Still WTF?

File under ‘U’ for Unnecessary

Another Daily Disaster reader was asking if there has ever been a Jewish character in The Archers.
    Obviously a fan of the practice of inappropriate ethnic loading in the name of dickheaded diversity.

File under ‘E’ for Engineering

Why does no one build a really small electric car? a Daily Disaster reader asked. Because after the HUGE battery was installed in a tiny shell, there wouldn’t be room for a driver, never mind passengers.

No Go

Travel is looking increasingly dodgy these days. Flying somewhere involves the hazard of cancellation on top of the 4-hour queues created by the EFU.
    Get on a cruise ship and you could be exposed to a deadly rat virus. Travel in the UK is discouraged for many by petrol prices and vexatious speeding and parking abuses.
    Pulling up the drawbridge and having a homecation is looking by far the best option.

Loaded gun

Who will benefit most from Labour’s plan to allow pre-paid bank cards with no photograph as a means of identification when the next general election comes around?
    And will the plan be abandoned if Labour’s backroom nerds work out that the grotters will get more fraudulent and ‘family votes’ than they can hope for?

Ginormous snag

In reply to President Boris concluding that a shrinking human population is a Good Thing for The Planet came the view that governments are giant Ponzi scams.
    As a consequence of this change and a fall in the number of contributing mugs, governments will have to live within their means instead of creating debt mountains to be paid off by future generations, who won’t exist.

Floods of fantasy

Bitz of the Labour party are striking back at greenlighting with some old fashioned gaslighting.
    They’re pretending that Bier is the only problem and hoping to distract attention from the failures of the rest of the crew, starting with Milipede, Thievin and Angrier Robot. And the absurd proposition that Jonah Burnham can save the day.

Drone rival?

The self-proclaimed US Secretary of War has felt the need to deny that Iran has kamikaze dolphins, which have been trained to attack ships like creature torpedoes. But Mr. Secretary is not prepared to say whether the US has or hasn’t any.

Wow, gosh!

The attention-sneaker who was going to save the world from Smarmism has lost her bottle and dived back into her bunker. Well, there’s a surprise!

A truly ghastly scenario

The doombuggers are in full disaster mode now. They reckon some mug of an MP is ready to step aside and let the Jonah Burnham, the Deadleg in the North, take his place in the Commons. Once that is done, next stop, Bier’s job.

Another Fantasist

Our Fantasist of the Exchequer has a serious rival – Mr. Alias of the green grotters. He has used claims that he was a spokes for the British Red Cross to raise money for boosting his status in the grotters.
    Not true, that spokes thing, the BRC is saying.
    No one surprised.

Get it right

Did Angrier Robot’s antics prove that Labour could actually organize a booze-up in a brewery? the pundits are asking.
    All she really proved, the experts reckon, was that with her on the loose, it would be one of the shortest booze-ups in history.

Cash, drain, the usual story

Academics at Cambridge and Stirling universities have been given a quarter of a million quid to get the rachelism out of school subjects. Like maths, which is to be decolonialized and made inclusive. By woke idiots? Right.

Attention seeker?

A Labour MP we’ve not heard of sneaks out of the woodwork and tells Bier Smarmer to quit.
    No one surprised.

Unsullied

We’ve had a lot recently from politicians on TV going on about what they hear ‘on the doorstep’. How strange that they ignored the Mansion and my neighbours in the run-up to last Thursday’s elections.
    Feart of being clawed by the Mansion Cat?

Not criminal enuff

The Premiere League is getting a booting for showing solidarity with an American criminal by making teams kneel down before a match but not showing the same solidarity with Britain’s assaulted Jewish community.

More change

 The doombuggers are now predicting that the Iran war will cost the Republicans control of the US Senate. That’s in addition to never having control of the House of Representatives. Which means that their president will go from Thump to Slump for his final two ineffective years in the White House. Still, he’s got his place in history. Not that he’ll like it, of course.

Grim indeed

We are being told that we have reached a grim millstone of 200,000 small boat invaders. But it’s not being made even grimmer by telling us how much we’ve paid the French for not stopping the small boats.
    What does increase the grimness, however, is being told that just 7,612 of the boaters have been exported.

Nowt new

President Thump threatens to blow Iran off the face of the Earth. Everyone else goes, “Yeah, right.” and gets on with what they were doing before the interruption.
    No one surprised.

Smarmer sell-out

His idea of an EFU reset is £1 BILLION a year of our cash going to the EFU and nothing for us in return. Apart from more UseLEZ red tape.

Limp to the point of contempt

Surrey County Council is refusing to publish a damaging report on the domestic abuse which led to the death of a 10-year-old girl.
    The reason given is that revealing the failings of the council’s social workers could might maybe breach the killer father’s data protection rights.

Full circle

A green grotter council candidate in London; the daughter of the Queen Mother of Lagos; was running on a ticket including demands for trillions of slavery repayments from us.
    No danger of her family in Nigeria, which used to sell slaves, coughing up a few quid, though.

File under ‘T’ for Tragic

Further to the previous item on greenwashing, there is now severe competition for hogwash from greenwash.

Divine Disapproval!

Thunder & lightning outside as the leader of the SNP, on the lunchtime BierBC news, accuses Reform UK and Mr. Farage of being rachelist. No slur is ever inaccessible to the politically desperate.

All okay now

Smarmer calls to No. 10, trusted advisors to promote his leadership – Harridan Harperson and Gordon F. Broon, the man who helped Jonah Burnham to make the banks go bust in 2008.
    A nation emits a sigh of relief.

Wishes and reality

President Thump has been reduced to accepting conditions offered to Iran by Prsident O’Bummer in an attempt to get this war over in a week or soo and onto his list of conflicts ended by someone worth a Nobel Peace Prize.
    No one hopeful.

Brainpower needs to be applied

One slight quibble with Mrs. Badenuff, the Tory leader: she wants more police so they can get tough with minor acts of anti-social behaviour.
    Just as long as it’s not a licence to keep on harassing people for hurty stuff on the interweb rather than actual crime.

Niedergang Road

The green grotters are dafter than we suspected if they want to form a progressive majority with a Labour party led by Jonah Burnham.
    That’s the man who was a health minister when patients were dying of neglect at Stafford Hospital, a Treasury minister when all the banks went bust and the local police commissioner when the Greater Manchester Police force was put into administration and the chief constable was sacked for being UseLEZ.
    Could Jonah wipe out two political parties? Easily!

Yaa-boo to doombuggers!

Bier Smarmer is claiming victory in the English local council eelections. Only fourteen hundred Labour seats lost instead of the three thousand predicted by the doombuggers has to be a victory for democrazy and Uncle Bier.
    Thus he is taking this great success as an endorsement of the effectiveness of his personal interventions behind the scenes in the days before the elections.

On and on and on

It’s been going forever and it’s never gonna stop. In a collection of stories by Frank Muir and Denis Norden taken from the radio show My Word!, published in 1973, there’s a mention of people smuggling illegals into Britain, usually from India or Pakistan, at £150 a time.
    Bit more expensive now.

Pundit shunned

Why Charles must cancel his state visit to the White House NOW – seen in a newspaper being recycled.
    No doubt Platel Speeple is feeling very annoyed after being ignored and the visit going ahead and being a success.

Repair needed

What we need to do is bin the chiché “my/our thoughts are with”, which always invites the cynical response “Yeah. Right.” as it has been worked to death and beyond.
    Something less formulaic and insincere would be good.

Robot Attack!

Rubbish local councils are upset because they are getting longer and increasingly aggressive complaints from their dissatisfied customers. A.I systems are getting the blame for weaponizing responses to bad service.

Nett Zero repair bills

The apologists for Angrier Robot are claiming it would be okay  to make her PM as the doors at 10 Downing Street open automatically when someone staggers toward them to avoid being damaged.

Bad Guys’ Support Group

New York is going as soft on crime as our wonderful government here with an attempt to let anyone out of gaol after 15 years. No matter how many people they killed?

Unwelcome replay

Mr. Alias and the grotters have been sussed. He’s just a younger version of Corbynstein’s Monster. Which means what? That Bier Smarmer will start telling us that Mr. Alias is his best mate, as he did with Corby?
p.s. The term gaslighting has been replaced by greenlighting.

One out, Lotz out

The latest Labour desperation ploy to keep our usually absent Prime Fantasist in place is a threat of a general election.
    Swithering MPs are being told that if they Bin Bier, they will be out of their seat, too.

More Thievin

Our wonderful government is carefully considering whether it can get away with binning the council parking ticket cap of £70 outside London. That’s fines for parking over the white lines or taking too long to make the crApp work.
    £160 is the starting point. £200 next year? Certainly more than a shoplifter or a criminal damager would have to pay.

Farage strikes back

A Reform UK government will build detention centres for illegal entrants who are about to be exported in areas which voted for the green grotters!
    Sounds fair to the rest of us.

Correcting the comparison

Lest we forget, the interest rate on 10-year UK bonds hit a short-lived blip of 4.6% lasting a month or so when Trussty Lizzie was PM. It has been a continuous disaster under Smarmer and Thievin, exceeding this blip in an already upward trend since the end of last year.
    And it would be a terminal catastrophe if we had a soft-in-the-head Leftie regime under Jonah & Angrier with Edstone as the substitute for a chancellor.

How typical

The honcho of a teaching union wants heads to stop being pleased when their school is doing well. Why? Because it makes the underachievers feel bad.
    This bloke is being dismissed; rightly; as a snoflake killjoy.

Voice of sanity

Human populations are falling worldwide and some politicians are in a panic about it. No need to, says President Boris.
    Most of the world’s problems are caused by the demands of too many humans wrecking the enviromint. [and being too woke and miserable to work] And we have the promise of A.I doing away for the need for lots of human jobs, let us not forget.

The pollytics of convenience

A decade ago, Mr. Alias was a self-confessed proud Jew and an enthusiastic Zionist. But when that didn’t get him elected as a Trivial Democrap member of the London Assembly, he took over the Green party and became an anti-Semitic grotter.
    So it goes.

Really retro

Sod the enviromint, the green grotters are trying to become a Scaregill Labour party clone with no anti-strike laws and flying pickets everywhere.
    Mr. Alias sees that as his way into government. Labour’s role as the party of anti-Semitism is also being challenged.

Milipede madness

Edstone Milipede is getting a booting for accusing BP of profiting from a crisis – that’s whilst a Labour government is grabbing huge amounts of tax from the company.
    So much that the new boss of BP is considering selling off UK assets and shifting to somewhere more friendly abroad.

Still not fooled

“The following trigger warning is a load of woke bullshit and should be ignored by anyone with more than two working brain cells.”

Today’s Stomper

“Tell me, are you interested in . . .”
    “No, I tried ‘interested out’ and it was rubbish. So I’m not about to do ‘interested in’, thank you very much.”

More economic contraction

Another booting for the Fantasist; Whitbread is getting rid of nearly 4,000 employees and lotz of its hotels. Unrealistic punitive taxes are to blame. And Thievin, of course.
    And Unilever will be sneaking its prices up in small doses.

Tripe to finish, argument lost

An incurable delusion among the climate criminals and others is that The Planet is some sort of living creature which is being distressed beyond belief by the antics of the current dominant species on its surface.
    Shame they’ll never get that if they conclude an otherwise intelligent article with this opinion, it blows their credibility to shreds.

Mouth going, brain off

A new green grotter MP has been having a go at the rest of them for smelling of booze when they shuffle into voting lobbies. Which just shows how out of touch she is.
    The Labour lot have to be ratted to be able to vote for their party’s latest bit of lunacy.

Bet on Crunch!

The Bonk of England is being trounced in the doombugger stakes. It is making noises about its interest rate going up from the current 3.75% to 5.25%. Meanwhile, the real doomers are predicting inflation of 6%.

Whatever, we’re doomed!

All the people who have thrust dosh into Angrier’s pockets look likely to get no return. And with Edstone hitting the buffers of reality, it’s all good news for the Disaster Zone in the North, Jonah Burnham.

Gone guy, more or less?

Uncle Bier is coming under increasing pressure to boot Milipede out of his Energy Sec. job to restore some credibility to the Labour party. Lotz of comrades are seeing Red Ed as a threat to their job rather than Edstone the Saviour of The Universe from Gorbal Warmage.

Everyone to suffer?

Fat jabs are being credited with a reduction in the amount of heavy drinking done by their users. A boost in alcohol tax to keep up revenues as the response from our Fantasist of the Exchequer? Suitably disguised, of course.

Hate Rulz, OK

The Home Secretary has been accused of deception by dropping himts about a ban on Palestine Pal hate marches even though her Cabinet colleagues blocked an attempt to do this a month ago.

Blind Bier

Our Prime Fantasist is telling his gang not to recreate the chaos of the last government. Clear proof that he’s not paying attention if he can’t see the chaos he and his lot have created.

Self-interest?

60,000 criminals have been let out of gaol early under the government’s ‘soft on crime’ policy. So that they can vote Labour in this week’s local elections?

Job devaluation

In last night’s episode of the £6M Man, there was a female prime minister who was treated as a really big deal. They’d never get away with it now, after a couple of years of a deadleg like Bier Smarmer.

Jobs for the family

Bier Smarmer’s niece has got a shot at a safe Labour seat in Croydon for the local elections. All the usual procedures and rules were followed to bin two sitting councillors to make room for her. The same procedures that got the Mandelsleaze his job as an ambassodor?

Damage repair

New Zealand is having to take steps to reverse the decline of its iconic kiwis. Attempts are being made to restock the hills around Wellington, the capital, which have been free of them for a century. Humans have received the blame for reducing the area’s kiwi population from a guesstimated 12 million to the current count of 70,000.

Kind of works!

Mr. Alias has been given an alibi by the generous Conservitive leader Mrs. Badenuff. He’s too thick to understand what he’s saying. Hence his extensive record for being offensive in a public place.

File under ‘C’ for Cute

The Smarmer Alibi: If you don’t know what the truth is, if you have no concept of this thing called truth, then you can’t be accused of lying!!

Four to become Five?

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln and . . . Donald Thump??
    Apparently, the current US president thinks that turning the April Fool addition to Mount Rushmore into reality is a good idea. But then, he would, wouldn’t he?
p.s. How long would it be before some mad dynamiter reduced the Five back to Four?

Politicians, eh?

There have been complaints from all sectors that the Scottish government isn’t funding care for children, pensioners, everyone who needs it. And there’s a £50 BILLION black hole in the accounts.
    So what does the SNP have as its priority if it wins another term? Blowing loads of cash it doesn’t have on another referendum on independence from England, which pays for so much of Scotland’s needs.

What?!?!

Iran is believed to have accursed the Untied States of being a blaht attacker. Translators are now struggling to apply meaning to the phrase so that an appropriate response can be offered.

A way ahead

The First Sea Lord thinks we need a fleet of unmanned drone ships if Labour won’t let him recruit humans. And flying drones instead of destroyers around aircraft carriers. If they ever get to sea.

Not doing badly compared to some

The former Prince Andrew received a popularity rating of 2% in a recent poll. Which is way better than our Prime Fantasist’s rating of -46%.

Protected species

Under Labour ‘reforms’, just 0.3% of shoplifters will go to gaol. The rest will get a suspended sentence, which will leave them free to carry on.

More fantasy

How do you get a former head of the FBI into court on a charge of threatening to kill President Thump? Use a picture he posted online of sea shells spelling out the number 8647. Claiming this is death threat is B.S, however.
    To 86 something in the US is slang for getting rid of it. Mr. Thump is the 47th president as well as the 45th. Wanting to be shot of Thump is not a death threat, just an aspiration. But not to really pathetic politicos, of course.

Fair Enuff!

When you see on the news that our Labour Prime Fantasist is going to hold an antisemitism (sic) summit, the automatic assumption is that he’s going to get together with the green grotters to look for new ways to promote it.
    Something to do with ‘change’, no doubt.

No way!

Q: Is it still possible to do a calculation on the back of a fag packet?
A: No, the pictures of the horrible diseases you get from voting Labour no longer leave any room for writing.

A Labour only definition

Fiscal rectitude: spending more money on Labour’s Benefits Voters than Income Tax receipts.

What a laff if it happened

Is it possible that the voters will go for Labour just to be perverse and make idiots out of the all-knowing pundits who have been forecasting a wipe-out in the local elections?

Dupes

Last year’s fires at Bier Smarmer’s properties and a car he once owned were started by foreign immigrant fantasists, their trial was told.
    The three pyros were promised lotz of dosh by an alleged Put’stani secret agent on an app.
    Surprise! No cash was forthcoming.

Today’s Question

Q: Do voters feel that something is not quite right?
A: Nope, they now feel that absolutely everything is totally and unfixably wrong.

Reality? Who needs it?

The reports of the McSweety interrogation by a Commons select committee chaired by Lady White Van Man paint him as small, blustering and as hippocritical as, well, Bier the Smarmer.
    He claims to be someone who has barely heard of the Mandelsleaze. No wonder references to the Wonderful World of Oz were flying around in those reports.

Ain’t it the truth

Crossword clue: restores to zero
Answer: reset
    Hang on, isn’t that what we’re getting out of the EFU after Bier’s reset, bloody zero?
    No, no it’s worse than that. We have to give them loadsa dosh and get nothing in return – i.e. less than zero.

Today’s Inquisition

Q: What do you get if you buy toys containing Chinese coloured sand?
    A: A bonus of toxic powdered asbestos.
Q: Where is the truth?
    A: Out there in the wide world.
Q: Where are we?
    A: Stuck indoors, listening to Labour’s lies.

Today’s Offer

Jewel in the Crown or Junk that goes Clunk. Take your pick.

More hippocrisy

Yet another reason to boot Edstone Milipede – he’s demanding solar panels on all new homes but he has Nett Zero of them on his Personal Property Portfolio.

Smarmer Harmer

Bier Smarmer decided that Golders Green, the scene of the latest terror attack on Jewish people, wasn’t safe for him to visit.
    A mile away was as close as he could dare to get for some posturing after driving past jeering crowds.
    Mrs. Badenuff and Mr. Farage had no problem with being on the spot. No sign of Mr. Alias, though.

Hyper-hostile

How strange that the Iranian embassy in London is still open after it started trying to sign up mugs for a martyrdom campaign. Just what we need; more bloody suicide bombers.

Today’s fascinating fact

Bier Smarmer has collected enough Frequent Liar Miles to circle The Earth eight times!!

The sleaze verdict

The end point of bringing Bier to account seems to be that the appropriate processes were followed but ignored when their outcome proved to be inconvenient.
    And there is nothing to be done about it in Parliament coz of Labour’s vast majority. There is no hole that Bier can’t dig which can’t be filled with the bodies of his stooges.

As bright, but still gone

For years, it has been fashionable to assume that now extinct Neanderthalers were less brainy than ‘modern’ humans. Now, the old assumption has been rubbished by modern rethinking.
    The Neanders were as bright as moderns but they were just swamped and incorporated into the larger population.

Nowt to do with us!

Are we really supposed to be interested in this year including the 250th anniversary of the end of America’s first civil war? Or are we expected to believe that President Thump ended it whilst he was doing a spot of time travelling?

Just what happens

Just another day in Brixton. Someone loosing off with a gun, four people in hospital; probably the target and three unlucky by-standers.
    But what else can you expect with an ineffective Sadgeek as both crime commish and mayor?

Minute relief

Yesterday, Esso had it’s petrol down to 158.9p/litre and its diesel down to 193.9p/litre. Not exactly affordable, though.

Today’s thing to look out for

Greenscamming: The art & practice of pretending to be a friend of the enviromint when your agenda is nothing to do with it; e.g. that hidden agenda is all about promoting pot parlours, high street brothels and Nett Zero border controls and pretending what happens in Gaza is the most important thing in the universe.

File under ‘F’ for Fail

I switched on the BierBC TV news yesterday and they were going on and on and on about something called Slebrity Traders. Not exactly something I recognized as news worth knowing.

The popular opinion

Maybe head teachers should have to pass an annual reality check so that if they stop their quota of kids from wearing a jumper after the school winter term, they can be dumped into a dole queue as a failure.

An artist of talent

The portrait of Thievin Reeves, for which we paid three grand, is being praised because it captures ‘the essense of someone who hasn’t a clue what to do next’.
    Which sounds spot on.

Parting shot

The Lords have frustrated a Labour plan to let the government order pension funds to put cash into its fave projects. A useful contribution to the nation, which is likely to decrease now that hereditary peers have gone and only a majority of party hacks and deadlegs remains.

Worth a try?

Someone billed as a house whisperer has to be out of the same box as a bloke who reckons he can make a woman’s boobs bloom by hypnotizing her. Or could the lady whisperer be just the person to drop a hint to subsonics-emitting old pipes and get them to shut the FK up?

Myth mangled

According to experts in Alberta, haunted houses are more likely to have ancient plumbing than a ghost. Low frequency vibrations in ancient pipes cannot be heard by humans but they can be sensed and have an adverse effect on someone’s sense of well being.

Ginger Crunch

The Angular Robot lobby is in full ‘nowt happened’ mode after she clobbered a door of Parliament’s Strangers’ Bar after a heavily taxpayer-subsidized boozing session and the door had to be removed for repairs. Not at all prime ministerial conduct! After all, how many doors has Bier battered?

Double think

The housing minister thinks freezing private rents will lose Labour votes in the local elections and shove rents up. The Fantasist Thievin thinks it will win votes for Labour. All bases covered, then?

Makes a sort of sense

There is now a lobby claiming that a disastrous loss of local council seats in the coming elections can’t be blamed on Bier.
    Why? Because Smarmer is a useless lump who never does anything. Which means that all the disasters were caused by his useless minions.
    Which means that if there is a Labour wipe-out in May, all the minions and Cabinet ministers should be sacked and Bier should be left doing his wooden figurehead job as he has to be ruled blameless.

No great shakes

Mr. Alias of the green grotters seems to be on the receiving end of a campaign to expose what he really is – the figurehead of a loud but irrelevant small gang of anti-Semites and drug-fan nasties.

Reality’s fringe

Is it really a record if the bloke clocked doing a legal marathon (as opposed to an illegal one?) in under two hours managed it only because he was wearing carbon fibre-powered supershoes?
    And will he be able to knock a couple of minutes off his time if he can get hold of a carbon fibre-powered tracksuit for his next marathon outing?

Hard times right now and forever?

The government is planning to use the stand-off @ Hormuz as its alibi for failing to get the economy under control for at least the rest of this year and the start of next year.
    Which means the rest of us will have to hunker in our bunkers until next spring and pretend we’re so tough that we didn’t miss not having a Christmas to celebrate in 2026.

Sad

Mr. Alias, the green grotter figurehead, is getting really desperate for attention. Why else would he endorse misinformation about the police to be noticed?

Short-term boost?

King Chuck seems to have done a good job of repairing the damage to UK-US relations caused by Serbia Smarmer and his underlings. But for how long will it last after the Royals get back home and the Labour lot continue to blunder?

More to the point

All the Labour MPs who gave Bier his Mandelzleaze ‘get out of gaol free’ card are now his accomplices? That carries an implication of active involvement when they’re really just hapless stooges for the most part.

Hamas in green

More bullet holes than feet – that’s where the green grotters are now. A lot of it is all down to picking local election candidates who think Jews were behind the 9/11 terror attacks on bits of America in 2001, and that the Hamas are great guys, hasn’t helped one little bit.

The unprotected

Afghan translators who were promised a ride to the UK have been abandoned. Thievin is about to put a rent freeze on private landlords only. Edstone the Milipede is attacking the oil industry and destroying jobs.
    And so it goes on.

No.1 Personship

The ludicrous claim of the week has to be that Labour is being known as the paedo protection party. The only peolple it protects are its own favoured trough-scoffers, like Bier, Edstone and Angrier. Everyone else can drop dead.

Just failing hype

The general opinion now is that if there was a genuine attempt to assassinate President Thump last weekend, then it was a particularly pathetic one if the bloke didn’t even get close to him.
    And talk of an assassination was gymnastically prethetic if the bloke was just hoping to kill some of Thump’s minions, not the man himself.

Diseases that go with the job

The Hippo Eats Dwarf collection of urban myths and actual true stuff hits the nail on the head with its examples of false memory syndrome – and also its opposite, sudden amnesia syndrome.
    That sums up nicely what we’ve been getting from Smarmer’s Army by the bucketful. Especially when there’s an investigation of something dodgy inviting evasion and obfuscation.

Outrageous

Duty Free Shops at foreign airports are going to have to be rebranded as Truth Free Shops after surveys have found that their prices are up to one-third higher than those charged on Britisch high streets.

Death awaits them

The green-posturing SNP and Edstone Milipede are planning to turn the Firth of Forth into a puffin-free zone by building a monstrous off-shore wind farm of four times the size of the city of Edinburgh.
    All puffins returning to this part of Scotland after migrating will be mashed; possibly because they are the wrong colour, i.e. not green?

Not me, Gov

The Prime Fantasist’s Silly Season continues with a declaration that he wasn’t in charge, his alleged minion McSweety made all this decisions for him.
    As a lawyer, Smarmer is incapable of making his mind up, especially when Toxic Hot Potatoes are on the menu.

Just criminal

Good news: The daft plan to build a road tunnel by-pass near Stonehenge has been binned.
Bad news: The usual scroungers copped for over £220 million of our money whilst talking about it.

Pesky humans

The Mansion Cat does not approve of spring refurbishments. Putting new roofing felt on the garden sheds where she parks to sun herself keeps getting in the way for her Plan For The Day.

Passing news

Seen in a paper being recycled: Are we in danger of suicidal empathy?
    Probably not, but let’s pretend we are to shock the gullible.

Sense? Who needs it?

The big problem facing Mr. Alias, the attention-seeking green grotter honcho, is what to do next? After every bit of lunacy, like rounding up all the right-wingers and flooding the UK with migrants, wot next?
    And if it could be years before there’s another general election, where will be be then? Left of Stalin, Mao and Attila the Hun?

Minor inconvenience

Lord Squirmer has been reported to the Bar Standards Board over his witch hunt against Iraq war veterans based on ‘evidence’ known to be false. He is expected to squirm out of his spot of difficulty in due course.

Somewhat typical

Birmingham’s Labour council has given in to the striking binpersons after a year of rats and rubbish-filled street in the hope of keeping the votes of the comrades in the May local elections.

The Way Ahead

Okay, we know that Uncle Bier is a useless liar and Net Zero in leadership and other skills. Can we all just move on now and ignore him completely in the future?
    That way, people wouldn’t have to disrupt their day to Jeer Bier when he does a walk-through of an area after a terrorist assault on members of the local Jewish community.

Deluded to the Max: the Niedergang Kid

The latest alibi for Bier Smarmer is that he really, actually, truly believes that most people think he’s a really great guy and no matter what he does during one of his stoopid blunders, they’ll have his back. Sounds like he belongs in a padded cell if he doesn’t realize that his silent majority isn’t making any noise coz it don’t exist. And Bier never stops being Bier.

Rebrand

The government’s Prevent programme is being obliged to rename itself Ignore under the terms of the Trades Descriptions Act following its failures to deal with obvious terrorists in the making.

Sneaky, or what!

The Metropolitan Police will be reduced to just a handful of meter maids! No, it’s not quite that bad, but setting an A.I system loose on the records has identified hundreds of idle and/or thieving officers, who face the sack. Including senior ones.

War, War not Jaw, Jaw

The US Secretary of War is not impressed by the Europeon response to the Hortmuz Situation. They should be on the spot, blasting Iranian mines instead of talking endlessly and scoffing posh grub and drink at the expense of taxpayers.

Dodgy Data

Sensation! Shoplifting was down 1% in 2025 compared with 2024! Actually, no. The Home Office has just shifted some shoplifting cases into the robbery category.

Sounds a good idea

What we need for the snivel servants such as the Cabinet Office crew is a Going Away Index – an indication of the amount of slithering that was necessary to make the allegations just go away when they were accused of bullying, playing fast and loose with expenses, etc.

Shudda bin done

Is it true that King Chuck and Queen Camilla were issued with the new light-weight, ‘invisible’ bullet-proof vests for their ordeal in Thumpland?
    There are still plenty of twats with gats in circulation in the Untied States.

Bound to happen

How much intimidation, fraud and coercion will be ignored on polling day next month? Place your bets now!

Oooops!

The Home Office is getting another booting for parking illegals in houses of multiple occupation near schools in remote areas and trying to keep this quiet.
    Shame that gangs of illegals hanging around at schools and molesting the kids is giving the game away.

Another deal disaster

What’s the Labour take on payment by results, such as shoving cash at the French for stopping small boats?
    If the number of arrivals of illegals here goes UP, the Frogs STILL get paid the dosh is the Labour way.

Mandarin solidarity

The heads of the snivel service are lining up to boot Serbia Smarmer for his sacking of Oily Roberts over the Mandelsleaze embarrassment. If there was ever a way to blunder, our Prime Fantasist managed to find it, is their story.
● Much of the above is fuelled by the mandarins’ distress over people probing into the shenannygoats they get up to and try to keep hidden.

Not a chance

Will Bier Smarmer sack Lord Squirmer for his assaults on British troops who served in Iraq on the basis of lies told by the clients who helped him to stuff his pockets? The world awaits in a state of resignation for nothing to happen.

Silly buggers on steroids

Smarmer orders his MPs to vote against investigating the latest Mandelsleaze scandal. They hold a prize draw with the winners pretending to rebel and vote against the investigation?
    The message? We know this stinks, everyone knows this stinks but we’re too cowardly to do anything other than go along with it to avoid putting our cushy jobs at risk.
    Bier’s Day of Reckoning? Ha!

Today’s extra question

If Bier Smarmer has been such a gift to those who are trying to attract votes to Reform UK, why are they so keen to get shot of him?

Not of lot of people know this

What’s the real reason for King Chuck’s visit to the US? It’s actually to give President Thump a chance to apologize for all the cheek his upstart young country has given to its parent nation.

No one fooled

The Labour party was really worried about who would be contaminated by an inquiry into the lies surrounding the latest Mandelsleaze scandal. Hence the arm-twisting to prevent it from happening.

Applicable Saying

“If it ain’t broke, keep messing about with it until it is.”

Gone for good

The BierBC is actually binning a 52-year-old football preview Saturday TV show because viewers have decided it’s too woke to watch.
    Former viewers are accused of deserting the sinking ship in favour of anti-social meeja on the interweb.

Another Question

Q: What do you get when a Labour government sticks more red tape all over the rules for renting houses and flats?
A: People with a property portfolio sell up, finding somewhere to rent becomes harder and rental rates soar to pay for all the extra messing about.

More speculation

The Conservatives and Reform will have to bang heads together to avoid inflicting a coalition of chaos of all the other parties on us, say the doombuggers.
    But let us not forget that there’s a hell of a lot of stuff that will happen in the meantime before the next general election is due. And this is just speculation of the space-filling sort.

Question & Answer

Q: What do you get when a Labour government gives foreigners access to the medical data of half a million NHS customers? A decision which was approved by the Health Sec. and PM hopeful Wee Streeting.
A: The data is offered for sale by Chinese spivs.

All bets covered

Next month’s local elections could might maybe change the shape of Britisch pollytics, an academic guru reckons. Or not. So now we know.

Tough guy Farage

The Reform leader is going to make himself really unpopular with Labour’s benefits clients. They can go on strike, they can riot and he’ll still chop them down to size. If he gets to be PM, of course.

Same problem, different source

The mayor of Athens is having a similar problem to the previous one with invaders from abroad. Tourists are wrecking the joint and making life miserable for the residents.
    But how to cull the invaders? That is the problem.

Another drugs legacy

Colombia hopes that killing 40% of its hippo population will prevent them from being a severe threat to native species and river systems.
    The imported animals were originally confined on the estate of a notorious drug baron but they escaped when he was wiped out over 30 years ago.

All quiet there

Did King Chuck and Queen Camilla arrive in the Untied States to find themselves in a storm over the Falkland Islands?
    Actually, no. But hey, that was last week’s ‘news’. It’s all forgotten now.

An essential bloke

It was Triple Kirk Night on Legend yesterday. He was in charge, sort of, of the Starship Enterprise, then he was a crazy astronaut pal of the $6 Million Man, then he was T.J.-ing as Hooker, the cop.

We will, we will, Thump you!

Desperate for wars to end to build up his Nobel Prize credits, President Thump is trying to get the Argies to attack the Falkland Islands again so that he can step in and claim to have ended yet another war. There is also an assumption that the Smarmer/Squirmer axis would come up with some dodgy piece of ‘international law’ to encourage the Argies.

Return to drawing board

A virtue-flagging, carbon-locking scheme to plant thousands of trees in Scotland has hit the buffers. The Scottish Greens had been hoping to blag £2 billion from investors but three years on, not a cent has been forthcoming as potential investors are going for reliables like gold rather than getting involved in carbon credits scams.

Nothing to offer

The best argument the SNP can come up with after dire decades in government north of the border is that a vote for them in the elections for the Scottish parliament would be a vote of no confidence in Bier Smarmer. Which is limp, at best.

More hands in our pockets

Bogus asylum seekers from Afghanistan should be allowed to stay here, campaigners reckon, because the Talibandits are an evil and thuggish regime. Which means it would be inhuman to send the small boaters back where they came from.

Freedom from Scrutiny

Glasgow City Council has a cute excuse for ignoring Freedom of Information requests. It won’t give details of inspections of vape shops like the one which started the fire which destroyed a historic building on Union Street.
    Why? Because it would be ‘unreasonable’ to do a manual review of thousands of Trading Standards records. Which suggests they’re filed on odd scraps of paper rather than a computer system as an evasion tactic.

Just another thought

If the green grotters don’t want right-wingers near them, maybe we could round them up, along with the rest of the UK’s looney lefties, and dump them on Greenland for President Thump to sort out.

Total ignorance!

The Cumbria Nature Festival organizers are having to tell people after tickets that it’s for wildlife enthusiasts, not nutty nudists. And everyone attending will have to keep their kit on.

Phut!

Is it a ‘bombshell’ if a poll predicts that Reform and the grotters will do well in next month’s council elections? Or is it just some journo getting hyped by what’s been on the cards for ages? Yawn.

From another world

What’s a great bit of lawyer-think? Putting a Beware Of The Dog sign on the front gate of a house means that you don’t have to pay compenbluddysation if the animal attacks a member of your staff inside the house.

Denial Disasters

The way he’s going, Bier Smarmer will end up in one of those collections books. The one I’m currently reading is called Hippo  Eats Dwarf! by Alex Boese. It’s presented as the world’s greatest urban myths, fakes and hoaxes, along with some true stuff to keep the reader baffled.
    Like ex-president Slick Willy Clinton, Bier will have his own long section in the chapter on Worst of the Worst in a similar book, which will be devoted to the most unbelievable excuses of all time.

No deader legs

The thing about the current Labour political catastrophe is that none of the players has a reputation for anything other than failure. Mandelsleaze, Smarmer, old Oily, McSweety, Edstone, Lady ‘White Van Man’, Angrier the failed tax dodger (so far as we know there’s not been a fix yet) and all the rest.
    And if Diane Abbott has to be offered as a voice of reason, they’re in real trouble!

Harm to the max

Labour’s attempts to fiddle hospital waiting lists are putting cancer patients at risk of getting vital treatment delayed, GPs are warning. No one surprised.

No problem

A evil man died but is this justice? the headline in a newspaper being recycled asked.
    Well, if he got the same justice in gaol that he gave to the little girls that he killed, then the answer has to be a resounding affirmative.

Insufficient Expertise

Sir D. Attenborough has reached 100 with notional treasure status. How best to take him down a peg or two? A good start is to point out that he is totally wrong in his view that human agriculture is wrecking The Planet.
    The world is producing more food from a declining amount of agricultural land. But the best club to clobber him with is his approval of Greenhouse Grotter’s ‘look at me’ antics!

A bright future

50% of the nation’s under 30s are chicken bastards who would not fight for their country under any circumstances. Which means that all we have to do is spread this attitude to the rest of the world, get it up to 100% and wars will become impossible!!

Like for like

Bier Smarmer, before ending up in No. 10, guaran-damn-teed that he would get rid of the (Tory) conveyor belt of cronyism. And he did. By replacing it with a Labour conveyor belt of cronyism. Which leaves us better off how?

Good boy’s alibi

Sinister forces decided that the Mandelsleaze had to be our US ambassodor as he could manipulate Mr. Thump. Bier was told to make it happen and, like a good boy, he did as he was told.
    Same with Oily, who went through the usual snivel service antics to get his orders done.

Sexism by women don’t count?

How very strange that the Fantasist of the Exchequer has been able to get away with a ban on art works by men in 11 Downing Street. No surprise, however, that the bill for a portrait of Thievin by a female artist went to the taxpayer.

Is this a joke?

The NHS Trust in Gateshead got a good booting for telling parents to get babies used to eating solids by feeding them biscuits, crisps and chocolate.
    Cue a deafening roar of disapproval from the anti-o’besity campaigners who want an end to the ultra-processed junk foods which teenagers scoff by the ton.

Aaaa-CHOO!!

Climate change is making the hay fever season start sooner and last longer, the experts reckon. The pollen-producing trees and plants are getting down to business one to two weeks earlier than during the 1990s.

Slight error of judgement

What’s the Smarmer escape route? Blame everything on the departed backroom boss McSweety! Bier was just being a good boy and doing what he was told when he made the Mandelsleaze our US Ambassodor.
    Just a small blunder, nowt to worry about, not a sacking offence. Same with all the B.S he’s fed to Parliament. Bier is just a lawyer and a mouthpiece, not a decision-maker.

Be warned!

Stand by for hosepipe bans. We had only about 0.001% of the average April rainfall and unfixed leaky pipes have left all the reservoirs half-full instead of topped up with early spring rain.

Endless procession

Another twat with a gat running riot at a do in the Untied States near President Thump. A bulletproof vest does its job for a Secret Service agent. Cue a shower of mealy-mouthed routine from the usual suspects, who feel they need to be noticed.

Not Welcome

It is now being argued that the Iran war won’t stop Brits from going abroad for a holiday this summer after all as it will be cheaper than a homecation.
    Why? For starters, because our Fantasist keeps VAT on bills at 20% rather giving the reductions available abroad, and there are tourist taxes in places here to discourage visitors.

It’s only our money

We were told that the government was demanding grants made to ineligible students on weekend university courses would have to be repaid, like, yesterday.
    Now, the tough bubble has burst. Okay, repaid in a decade or four is the current message.

Simple & obvious solution

Where Mr. Alias of the green grotters is going wrong is in neglecting his own massive talent.
    If he has a problem with people who don’t agree with him, he doesn’t need to wipe them out like a bog-standard tyrant to create his perfect society.
    The bloke who used to hypnotize women into thinking their boobs had grown just needs to hypnotize his undesirables and convert them into grotter desirables.

Mitigation

f Bier Smarmer has run out of people to blame, a lawyer can argue that this is not his fault. The blame lies squarely on the head of the office manager who failed to provide him with enuff scrapegoats.

Another bit of wishy-washiness

Phones are to be banned from schools – eventually. There has been a U-turn a year after the Prime Fantasist deciding a ban on them was unnecessary.
    More manoeuvring needs to go on, and it will be a ban only on the use of phones at school, not on taking one to school and using it when the teachers aren’t looking.

Going through the motions

Here’s more evidence [if it were needed] that Bier just reads to the stuff he’s given without taking in what it says – he had no problem with making St. George the patron saint of Britain rather than England in some St. George’s Day waffle.

On the cheap

Reformist N. Farage is going to get tough with illegals. Labour wants to give families forty grand to get lost. Nige will offer a million unwanteds just one grand and a plane ticket.
    This will save us £14 billion over a 5-year parliament by ending payments to scroungers.
● The asylum industry is up in arms over the job losses!

Choices, choices

What would be a good front-page story for a campaigning newspaper? That the green grotters might be thinking about a purge of their craziest policies to avoid the embarrassment of their being constantly revealed in the likes of the Daily Disaster?
    Or a story about a lady who’d going to commit suicide abroad because she’s had enough of her life?
    Whichever is chosen, it looks like the current Smarmer catastrophe is now over through becoming boring.
● Drug dens stay on the grotter agenda; Mr. Alias is for them.

Free cash for all

A new growth industry under Labour is claiming benefits for an inability to work due to food intolerance. A recent boost has brought the rate of growth to 500% over the past semi-decade.
    Claims for personal independence payments for writer’s cramp are also becoming increasingly popular.

Strategy

Maybe Serbia Smarmer should grow a beard. Then, no one can call him a bare-faced liar.

Big Beggar 2

We are now standing by for an ultimate ‘not me, Gov’ – Bier Smarmer telling us that all the B.S he trotted out about the Mandelsleaze ambassodorship was concocted by his advisors and he went along with it only ‘for the good of the country’.

Everyone loses

The good news for Labour is that it can’t lose more than 2,196 council seats in the coming local elections as that’s the total number exposed to public ire.
    The bad news for the country is that this would leave lotz of Labourites in place where there are no elections going on.

Big beggar

Bier Smarmer is heading for a place in the Guinness Book Of Records as the world’s biggest belief beggarer. The ‘not me, Gov’ stuff he has concocted goes way beyond the garbage issued by any of the Communist states, past and present.

Column dodgers

The bosses of the Polis of the Metrolopis are after recruiting someone to build up its brand with the usual hype and B.S. Clearly, gaining trust, recognition and reputation by stopping criminals in their tracks has been abandoned as much too much like hard work.

An alternative

President Thump: “Drill, baby, drill.”
Serbia Smarmer: “Drill? What’s that?”

Decisions, decisions

High politics or hype olitics? Probably the latter as it’s mainly hype and every catastrophe is always overtaken by some other distraction.

Bomb ‘n’ burn

Iranian agents with lotz of cash are having no trouble finding British thugs willing to bomb and batter and set fire to Jewish targets here. Counter-terrorism police report being run off their feet.

Big let-down

Millions of high street outlets for drugs – but only 2 (TWO!!) people arrested, according to last night’s BierBC late news.

Just a thought

Are there really people around who would be freaked out by seeing American actors with their face stained to look like locals in an episode of The Man Fron U.N.C.L.E. set in India?
    Maybe we can get Mr. Alias to hypnotize them and turn them into reasonable human beans.

Medical news

The Prime Fantasist has been diagnosed with Selective Deafness Syndrome and thus cannot be blamed for anything.

Pots & Kettles, come away!

It’s rather rich that Eddie Gravy, the Trivial leader and the Post Office minister who let Horizon Happen, is accusing Smarmer of a catastrophic misjudgement when he’s living proof that such things don’t matter in pollyticks.

Another Question

Q: If the Cabinet Office knew weeks ago about the Mandelsleaze Dodgy Vetting ishue, why didn’t Bier come clean about it?
A: Because he’s such a dithering duffer that he couldn’t come up with a script that lasted more than a few seconds and he couldn’t decide where to dump the blame as he felt entitled not to be blamed.

Tourism triumph

The Greek government is making a bid for summer tourists by opting out of the EFU’s stoopid border checks and their 4-hour queues at airports.
    Good for them!

Big nothing

In theory, a university can soon be fined half a million quid if it censors free speech on woke grounds – or even struck off.
    But if we have an Education Sec. who’s more interested in replacing Bier Smarmer than enforcing rules in place, the theory ends up becoming just another Labour ‘so what?’ and nothing of any benefit will happen.

They’re at it again

Some MPs are demanding that schools should abandon their uniform and let kids wear a tracksuit in classes in the name of inclusion. Presumably, to help the brats to feel more comfortable when they’re running away after bashing a teacher.

Putin the ‘guest’ into guestapo

Mr. Alias, leader of the green grotters, wants people who don’t agree with his gang’s anti-Semitism, its support for Islamist terrorists and other nutty views to be shut out of Society for daring to notice that grotter views can be really poisonous.

Bad times, getting worse

The doombuggers are lining up to offer increasinly gloomy opinions of how our economy will tank with a Fantasist like Thievin wrecking it.
    The doomy stuff includes accusations that the Whitehall mob are fiddling their numbers in an attempt to hide the true state of affairs.

Weird

Why would a school in Leicestershire ban wearing its own-brand jumpers when the winter term ends and put jumper-wearing kids into isolation in the current term?
    Is it some sort of twisted endorsement of the gorbal warmage scam and a pretence that anyone wearing a jumper in spring will bake and they’re doing the kids a favour? That certainly sounds daft enuff to be true.

Gotcha all ways!

How do you bash a green grotter? Point out her lack of judgement when she gave a character reference to a bloke who’s in gaol for 37 years for a nasty double murder.
    Then have a go at her for accepting that the Chinese plague was caused by a leak from the virus lab in Wuhan, not the B.S that the apologists want us to believe.
● The grotter scramble to line up 4,500 candidates for next month’s local council elections let some real nutters through the vetting sieve, including openly anti-Jewish and pro-Put’n ones.

An actual success story

The multi-billion pound Chinese Plague inquiry results have given President Boris a chance to pop up and crow. Labour has got us into a terrible mess but he and his gang were able to condense a 10-year process into one year and deliver a vaccine which saved lives.
    And it was all thanks to Brexit giving us freedom from EFU B.S, despite Oily’s attempts to sabotage our exit.

Time waster

What’s a good way to get a public park closed? Claim you’re an Islamic terror gang, put a picture of a bloke in a space suit and a drone on the internet and claim the drone took radioactive and cancer-causing stuff to the Israeli embassy.
    Worked on the Met, who closed Kensington Gardens for a while.

Already there

A BierBC investigation has found lotz of drugs on sale in high street mini-markets. Which kind of pulls the rug out from under the green grotter plans for pot parlours everywhere.
● Reasons to be cheerful, one, two, three: cannabis, laughing gas and cocaine are all freely available.

Carping but clueless

“The country needs a credible and strong PM,” the pound-its keep telling us from their perches in the meeja. But we all know that the Labour party doesn’t have anyone who fits the bill.
    So what’s the answer from the pound-its? Pound it out!
    Silence.

An answer to everything

When European NATO members failed to leap into his war after not being consulted, the US president Thumped them. When they offered a fleet to keep the Strait of Hormuz open; French warships and a British rowing boat; they were Thumped again.
    And nothing is happening Hormuz-wise ’coz the Strait is full of Iranian mines and only they know the safe channel.

Get it right

Does the latest Mandelsleaze scandal show that Smarmer has lost control of his government? Rubbish1 Ignoring the economy-wrecking antics of the likes of his Fantasist and Edstone Milipede, and all the U-turns, told us ages ago that Bier has never been in control.

Not convinced

If if’s hard to do, it’s worth doing, a Daily Disaster correspondent offered. Okay, how about the traditional impossibility of plaiting sawdust?

Today’s Question

Isn’t it time the Monster Raving Looney Party sued the green grotters for copyright theft? Or can it be argued that the GGs make the MRLs look quite sensible, really?

Wrong half

Why exactly should we be amazed that over half the population  believe in intelligent alien life?
    Which means that nearly half of us are weird enough to think that intelligent life in the whole universe exists only on The Earth; which is actually amazing.
    As in amazingly dumb.

Flop

The Israeli secret army, Mossad, is being lined up for the blame for the failure to achieve regime change in Iran. The bigwigs were taken out quickly but there was a failure to locate the lower levels of minions; the ones keeping the war going from 31 regional command centres. There was also a failure to locate all the places where missles and drones were stashed.

Don’t do it

Taking a homecation is being advised for British customers this summer. Unless they fancy paying huge prices for flights abroad; at the risk of sudden cancellation; thanks to soaring prices for depleted jet fuel stocks.
    And also if they fancy spending 4 hours in a queue being buggered about by the EFU’s new border rules, which are administered by inadequate numbers of staff, and the defective checking systems.

Low threshold

President Thump was claiming he had ended a 10th war after Israel agreed to have a 10-day cease-fire with the Hezbolikers in Lebanon. So if the shooting and mayhem starts again and there’s another short cease-fire, will that be the end of an 11th war, thanks to The Donald?

Daft lot

The political commentators managed to get outraged over memories of Bier Smarmer’s opening address containing a plege to cleanse and purify Britisch pollyticks.
    More fool them for believing anything from a Labour prime monster, has to be the response from sensible people.

Detected at last

It took the Fergie-spotters 7 months to track down the expired Duchess of York. Not much of a budget for the job?

Anything to be noticed

The green grotters felt obliged to take a pop at the BierBC for daring to expose lawyers and others who are arranging fake abuse claims and fake boyfriends for male asylum claimants.
    Worried about the invaders not being able to vote for them?

Masochism Tango?

“Blessed are the peace-makers but woe to those who manipulate religion,” said the American-born Pope. Was he taking a swipe at everyone who does it? Himself included?

Another World Cup Swindle

What can you get away with if the World Cup goes to the Untied States? Bumping up a $12.90 return train fare to $150 with no concessions for kids and oldies.
    Welcome to what’s in your wallet but not you!

Another gotcha?

There is a move afoot to get detailed analysis of a footballer’s performance banned due to similarity to the postential gains from doping.
    The crunch point is whether natural talent is being rejected in favour of diktats from the data-crunchers. The apparent success of this replacement job is being offered as evidence of violation of the spirit of the sport.
    But hey, is football sport any more with all that dosh sloshing around at the sharp end?

Changed times

A survey by a beer manufacturer reckons that Britisch workers don’t do lunch any more. They just speed through a 25-minute refuelling stop as they have a work ethic.
    Continentals, in contrast, spend at least an hour scoffing and socializing. Or anything up to 3 hours if they are Eurocrats.

Could work!

A really good way to put a crimp into the activities of the mobsters running Iran, a correspondent has suggested, would be to bomb the factories that make the flags which the human shields have to wave around during staged demos.

Industrial level treachery

President Thump is twitted for doing what he feels like doing, but how about Bier Smarmer? He has a negative mandate for all his Brexit Betrayals but he just goes ahead and does it. Like a typical Labour hippocrite.

Savage Shrinkage

Labour’s taxes are expected to raise the rate of restaurant closure from 2 per day in 2025 to 3 per day in 2026. So much for Thievin’s BS about building a stable economy.

Pipe dream

Reform UK is threatening to gaol lawyers who help invaders to pretend they’re o’sexualists in need of asylum by providing ‘partners’ for them. But politicians having a go at lawyers? Right.
    A better idea of theirs is to abolish legal aid for invaders who have made no contribution to this country’s finances.

Today’s Wisdom

It it’s TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out) in the Untied States, then here it’s SHUT (Smarmer Has U-Turns).

Bump, Crunch, Stuck

The Gods do sometimes get it right. The Transport Sec., who’s supposed to be in charge of roads, had to have her car towed away after it was bashed to a standstill by a pothole in Oxfordshire.
    Maybe that will encourage her to put some real muscle into a plan to deprive councils of one-third of their funding if they persist in ignoring potholed roads.

Scrutiny? Schmutiny!

What’s a good way for the Squeaker of the Commons to rub Uncle Bier up the wrong way? Interrupting Bier in full bluster flot to remind him that it’s Prime Minister’s Questions and he’s supposed to answer questions, not ask them as a distraction from his failings.

Under review = ignore the law

97% of NHS trusts are treating the Supreme Court ruling on the Equalities Act as irrelevant a year on. Same with the rest of the public sector to one degree or another.
    Ministers are treating keeping men out of female spaces as optional, not mandatory, to try to buy votes.

Empty threat

The Yanks are threatening to ditch Bier’s trade deal, which is a year old now but still up in the air. So it’s worth what? Not much?

One way to be noticed

The Scottish confectionary firm Tunnock’s has enjoyed a burst of world-wide publicity from the return to Earth of NASA’s latest space tourists.
    As for the parachutes used to lower the crew of Apollo 16 safely onto the Pacific, those used by the Artemis II mission looked just like the Scottish firm’s iconic Tea Cakes in their foil wrappers.
    Customers in countries where Scottish exiles have flown are now wondering if Tunnock’s had a sponsorship deal with NASA to get that particular design onto the parachutes.

Cursing guide

Academics at Sheffield U. have decided it would be a good idea to create a swear map of Britain so that people know which bad language to use in order to be understood in any given town or region. Why eye, ya bugga!

Part of history

Persia had a civilization 2,000 years before America, some wise guy pointed out. Okay, Persia is where on a map these days?

Poisoned ambition

Inequalities Minister Phillipson is getting an extra severe booting because she sees pandering to transpicaters and their mates as an essential part of her road to No. 10 when Bier is binned.

Today’s other questions

1. Was Oily Robbins sacked for claiming that giving the Mandelsleaze a £75K leaving bonus was good value for money or as delayed revenge for his failures in his Brexit negotions with the EFU?
2. The current Foreign Secretary, Pixie Balls, was involved in the vetting scandal. Does she have to go right away or only when Bier goes?
3. Just how relevant is a picture of Petey in his underpants to this sorry saga?

Putin the ‘F’ into EFU

The EFU’s new border rules are doing a wonderful job of leaving people stuck in an endless airport queue whilst their flight home zooms off without them. No one surprised.

What I said, not!

The Pope is having to try to distance himself from a conflict with President Thump after making a speech that included having a go at tyrants. He is doing a ‘not me, Gov’ and blaming other people for interpreting his message wrongly.

Today’s Question

Q: The Mandelsleaze was granted DV status – what do those initials stand for?
A: Dodgy Vetting.

How to be woke

1. Remove something upsetting to the wokists from a community website.
2. Claim it’s not censorship.

Squashed hands from being sat on?

Wot Xactly is the point of an Equalities Minister who is refusing to publish rules based on a year-old High Court ruling that keeps men out of women’s spaces? B. Phillipson is being accused of being feart of what her party’s pro-tranny back benchers will do to her and too busy trying to replace Bier with herself.

Thumped

Our Fantasist of the Exchequer has built on her credentials for being completely unconnected to reality by giving President Thump a verbal booting during a jolly to the Untied States almost within hollering distance of the White House.
    His war with Iran is a mistake and folly and it’s made Thievin angry. Pretty much what her constant blunders in office do to her victims here.

All the same

It seems the Scottish government is just as crooked as Bier and his gang. The Sunday Post yesterday was waxing indignant about being lied to by the SNP Justice Secretary, A. Constance, and her department over a failed cover-up of the aftermath of a rape and killing by a bloke who should never have been out of gaol.
● She also has history for blocking a grooming gangs inquiry.

Nope

Will the parents of the Southport child killer go to gaol for failing to do anything about a demented child with a collection of lethal weapons? As this would appear reasonable, it won’t happen under the current cover-up and ignore culture.

Unsocial rather than social?

Durham U. is being accused of anti-white rachelism by offering places to Asian-origin students with lower grades than those expected of white applicants.
    Oxford U. has shown similar anti-white bias. Amazing what you can get away with if you call it social engineering.

Downside

In an interesting backlash to the fat-jab culture – women who have slimmed are warning that every man they meet makes a pass at them and they are ending up miserable after being fat, ignored and happy.

Putin the ‘con’ into contribution

If you take your family to visit the Tower of London and one or both of the parents is on benefits, there is a 96% discount on the admission fee. And fish & chips is half price.
    No wonder no one is working, and so much for Thievin’s claim to believe in a Britain founded contribution.

Energy (and dosh) crisis

The national electricity grid operators are having to offer people free electricity on sunny and windy summer days to prevent a solar and wind power excess situation.
    The grid has to pay both types of supplier a huge bonus when demand is lower than what is on offer and there is no means of tailoring supply to demand, as with proper power stations.

Interesting fact

A pensioner who buys their own supplies and cooks their own meals can create a week’s dinners for the cost of just two snack meals at Ebbw Vale prices.
    This came from a correspondent who evidently lives in the real world.

He hates us, too

What’s the latest from the green grotters and their leader, Mr. Alias? The bloke who wants brothels and lotz of pot parlours on every high street.
    Another four and a half million migrant scroungers from the Fourth World lounging around at our expense during the next government’s span.

Always the same

Labour stooge Harridan Harperson is making herself even more unpopular by proposing taking cash from pensioners to increase the Defence budget instead of cuts for Labour’s benefits clients.

Spot on

Beir Smarmer says it’s incredible that no one told him that the Madelsleaze had failed his security vetting. And for once, he’s dead right. So incredible, in fact, that no bugger believes it.
● Bier’s alternatives now are that 1. He’s lying and 2. He’s so pointless that no one at the F.O. bothers to tell him anything as it’s a total waste of their time.

We should be told

Our Health Sec., Wee Streeting, is going to end subjecting NHS customers to unsafe corridor treatment when the wards are full to overflowing.
    So, what instead? Car park care?

Win and you emigrate?

Mugs in Britain will be given a chance to enter a national lottery ‘game’ based on one in the US, which will offer a possible jackpot of a billion quid! Maybe.
    No mention of how many trillions to one the odds are against winning are is on offer.
    And there can’t be much chance of a winner staying here to be robbed by the Fantasist of the Exchequer.

Sounds right

Who’s the right bloke to oust the Put’n the Poisoner ally who’s been PM of Hungary for . . . ever? How about Peter Magyar, whose surname is what the language spoken in Hungary is called.

We’re doomed

No surprise that the International Moneybags Fund has concluded that the UK will take the biggest Iran war hit of the G7 nations. With a Labour government and a tombstone like Red Edstone in charge of not exploiting the North Sea treasures, it’s inevitable.
● Labour promises lie in tatters or Labour promises tattered lies? Who can tell which it is.

Biggest of the big

The Welsh town of Ebbw Vale is the home of Britain’s biggest collection of fatties, the experts have found. 78% of the residents are overweight and 37% are o’bese with a BMI of 30 or more, and you can smell the kebab and burger shops before you can see the town.

History rewrite

A museum in County Durham is being mocked for claiming that picture of young boys wearing a dress in Victorian times proves that they were transpicaters.
    Cobblers, say the real experts. That was just the fashion of the day – a sort of one type fits all rather than one size.

Human sacrifice

Oily Robbins, the Foreign Office permanent under-secretary, is the latest minion to carry the can for one of Bier Smarmer’s disasters – the Mandelsleaze vetting failure.
    Is it damaging to Bier, having to boot Oily into touch?
    No, if he’s established a comprehensive reputation for being UseLEZ to the nth degree, nothing that he does now can possibly do any damage to his ‘legacy’ and his place in history.

Fair, it ain’t

The government is trying to hide illegal immigrants by evicting them from hotels and dumping them in houses in small rural communities.
    People who have been on a council waiting list for years are losing out big time to the scroungers.

History does a repeat

Page 493 of Rogue Shooter: “The spin doctors are trying to say it was all an oversight by some underling.”
    Which is exactly what our Prime Fantasist is trying to tell us.
    Back to Rogue Shooter: “But no one is buying that.”
    Just as no one is buying it now.

That’s him gone

The doombuggers are now writing President Thump off as his 10-minute war with Iran drags on and on. He doesn’t have a means to end it and he’s upsetting motorists and farmers in the US, who are being clobbered with fuel and fertilizer prices.

Price reversal

Esso petrol 159.9p/litre, diesel 195.9p/litre. Okay, it’s only the 59 and the the 95 bits of the prices that are reversed, but they are the really important ones. And remember, one-half of the petrol price and 45% of the diesel price is tax thanks to a thieving Labour government, not a foreign war.

More shrinkage?

The Thievin Reeves plan to vanish the economy will get a big boost if the heavy machinery firm JCB relocates to the US to avoid what would be an effective 40% rate of death duties, which she’s threatening the family-owned firm with.

To panic or not

One set of experts is going on about 100 hospital admissions last year due to bites from noble (?) false widow spiders. Another lot are telling us if we don’t mess with spiders, we’ll be okay.

Credibility gap

Prime Fantasist Beir Smarmer guaranteed that there would be a Defence plan in August. Only that was August 2025. What do we conclude from the on-going lack of a plan? That Bier couldn’t be arsed to come up with one?

Worth a try

Having seen the success their counterparts in the Irish Republic have had with their fuel blockades, farmers here are making noises about doing the same to get a reduction in the fuel taxes creamed off by the Fantasist of the Exchequer.

Shock-horror

This government is handing more cash to its benefits customers than is raised in income tax!

Diversionary tactic

People who work will take a net drop of income of £780 and Labour’s Benefits Bunch will gain £1,400. Smarmer is trying to blame this on the Iraq war.
    But then, he would, wouldn’t he? Not me, Gov!!!

The Ultimate ZONK

An A.I company in the US has built a system which has proved that every major operating system on the internet is full of holes. The A.I has been ruled too dangerous to release to the public as it can get into any system anywhere and cause havoc with or without permission.

Fake crisis

It’s a Labour sell-out to the EFU? Not giving MPs a say on Smarmer’s Brexit betrayals? Given the size of his majority, talking in Parliament is a waste of time and our money.
    His sell-outs will always go ahead regardless.

Bier’s joke I.D

The Smarmer digital I.D scam is getting a booting for being ridiculous as well as a waste of our money. It will be optional and mainly used as proof of a right to work initially. So not needed by Labour’s benefits customers.
    And it won’t include information on the sex of the holder to avoid upsetting the transpicater community.

Frozen in time

The Legend TV channel doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to change its scripts. It should be “the late Chuck Norris as Walker, Texas Range next” if he’s just died at the age of 86. But it ain’t.

Notice me, pleeeze!

Mr. Alias, the figurehead of the green grotters, is so desperate to be noticed that he felt he had to launch a demand for a ban on horse racing on Grand National Day.
    No mention of how he’d fill the £4 BILLION hole in the UK economy, though.
    Or what would happen to all the redundant animals and people. As empty-headed as Uncle Bier?

As incredible as it can get

Only someone as out of touch with reality as Bier Smarmer would expect anyone to believe his claim that no one told him the Mandelsleaze failed his pre-appointment security test before he was made our ambassodor to the Untied States.
    The lawyer didn’t look at the small print? Really?
    Cue a chorus of: “Lying bastard!” clap-clap, clap, clap clap.

Putin the ‘con’ in Conundrum

If the government makes strikes by juvenile doctors illegal, what will it achieve? There aren’t enuff prisons to lock up all the trouble-makers when they go on strike and defy the law.

The official explanation

Are all Dubai’s tourist spots deserted because of the threat of missles from Iran? Nope. It’s because all the hotels are closed for renovation.

Not bovvered

One in the eye for President Thump. Chinese tanker ships were strolling through his Hormuz blockade in both directions and being ignored right after it was declared.

Cold rather than hot air

What’s the Department for Energy Security & Edstone Crap doing to tackle the costa living crisis and the price of energy?
    “We’re supporting de-escalation in the Middle East,” a spokes declared.
    “How?”
    No answer.

No cards? We’re off!

What’s a good way to upset the Iranians? Tell them you hold all the cards. Made them run out of the weekend ‘peace’ talks in Pakistan rather than walk.

How very dare you!

What’s a good way to stir up wokists in a small backwater village? Putting a poem mocking their obsessions in a parish magazine worked a treat on the wokists of a village on the Devon-Dorset border.

One they missed

Given the number of records claimed for the latest NASA space tourists, it comes as rather a surprised that the temperature reached by the ablative heat shield during the ‘daring’ re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere wasn’t claimed as another new world record.

Deja Vu

I’m getting to the end of Rogue Shooter’s 500 pages and as it was 20-odd years ago, so it remains today. No one had any confidence in New Labour after about 7 years of waste and chicanery and Smarmer’s Army is in the same state after just 21 months.
    Typical is the former Labour minister, who did the defence review which has been on Smarmer’s desk since last August, giving him a vote of total no-confidence following noises from Bier about its publication being delayed by at least a year.
    No one surprised.

Fair competition at last

The Darts Regulation Authority has declared that only biological females can compete in tournaments from now on. About time.

File under ‘I’ for Incompetence

To the surprise of the rest of us, the government has ordered universities which ran weekend courses for people with weak academic qualifications to pay back loans and grants made to students who should never have received them.
    22,000 ‘students’ got the bills but the government wants the universities to pay them.

Dead giveaway

Pretending that international law can be made in pretend courts set up by Britain’s enemies and packed only with those enemies is something that only our domestic enemies like Uncle Bier and Lord Squirmer would do.

Par for the course

Iran claims RAF bases have been used to launch attacks aimed specifically at Iranian civilians. Bier Smarmer denies it. No one believes either of them!

Cut backs

20% of people here are cutting back on energy use as costs soar, 10% have abandoned holiday plans as the fall-out from the Iran war spreads and 8% are filling a Thatcher cupboard with food and other essentials.
● One cheerful Labour MP doesn’t expect prices to return to ‘normal’ until 2028 at the earliest.

Swamped

President MacRon of France is hoping for a bumper clear-out of his migrant dustbin during the summer. And there’s no way he’s going to let our Border Farce into his territorial waters to try to turn the small boats back.

The wrecker strikes again

Edstone Milipede got a good booting for overpricing energy with his Nett Zero scam and making an A.I Company bin a plan for a massive data centre here.
    Loss to the nation due to Red Ed – BILLIONs. So much for the Prime Fantasist’s fantasy of making the UK an A.I super power.

One of a kind

Superman is 88 years old this week. Looks very good for his age and not many pensioners can leap a tall building at a single bound.

Weird lot

If you go to the Irish Republic, don’t expect to drive anywhere. Gangs of protesters are blockading fuel depots and over 40% of filling stations have run out.
    The mob is going for 100%.

Arc de Thump

President Thump has outraged the Democraps in the USA with a plan to build a massive triumphal victory arch – one which will make the Arc de Triomphe in Paris look like part of a doll’s house.
    It’s a taxpayer-funded vanity project which will obstruct views of other memorials, the Democraps are yelling.

Today’s Wisdom

Working as a doctor, once a vocation, is now called having a vacation.

One to avoid

Fall-out from Waitrose sacking a bloke who had a go at an Easter egg thief – don’t shop there as the stuff is overpriced to pay for the thievery they ignore.

Bin a tradition

Cod & chips on a chippie menu is heading for extinction. Over-fishing by EFU nations is getting the blame for wiping out once plentiful stocks. Something Chinese imported as a substitute?

Mr. Not Here not here again

Bier Smarmer is getting lotz of mockery for going on a jolly to Saudi Arabia even though the UK is not involved in the Middle East mayhem. Any excuse to posture and collect some duty-free, eh, Bier?

No win available

The pothole crisis is being worsened by a process of feed-back, the experts have decided. People are buying SUVs to cope with rubbish road surfaces, especially in wet weather when no one can tell how deep a puddle is, and these heavier vehicles are creating increased damage and persuading people to buy an SUV to be able to have a hope of completing a journey!

Someone with a bit of sense?

The US Vice-Pres., Jady Vance, is having his hopes to succeed Pres. Thump polished by persistent rumours that he kept telling The Donald that a Middle East war was a terrible idea before the event.
● PM Ne10yahoo is getting the blame for winding up Thump and getting him to join in with Israel’s war.

Holey Hell

The Iraq war has given councils an alibi for neglecting potholes in their roads. Asphalt is up 20% in price and it is made from oil. Councils are hoping that the customers won’t notice their above-inflation grabs of Council Tax and the constant waste of cash and neglect of vital repairs. Fat chance!

No consequences

The result of the Southport inquiry into the murders of three small children by a demented teen is that there were multiple failures by multiple agencies to which he was referred. Will there be multiple sackings of those who let the kids down? Joke.

Skivers’ Charter

The staff of the Office for Notional Sadistics will be allowed to shirtk @ home full-time to avoid a strike. The nation can expect even more embarrassingly dodgy figures from it than at present.

More abuse

Would-be tax-dodger Angular Robot’s legacy includes a pretend Fair Work Agency, a quango which will have the right to batter its way into a business unannounced, grab anything it takes a fancy to and arrest anyone it takes a dislike to.
    More red tape, more damage to the economy and yet more evidence of Labour’s hatred of the wealth-creating private sector.

Goes around

We could be self-sufficient in oil and gas and electricity if not for the stupidity of Edstone Milipede, Thievin, and Bier Smarmer, and Labour’s in-built hatred of everything British.
    Something to remember in May as prices go up and the UK remains reliant on imports of gas rather than tapping the abundance around us.

Blame shedding

The UN is copping for its share of responsibility for the Israeli blitz on Lebanon. A UN mission to the area was supposed to prevent the Hezbolikers from getting weapons and massing on the border with Lebanon.
    It failed.
    The Lebanese government is now hoping that Israel with rid it of the plague of bad guys.

Time for some rehab

The sheer awfulness of Bier Smarmer when he fluffs his ‘I’m a statesman’ act has prompted a re-examination of the record of Neville Chamberlain following multiple comparisons.
    No surprise that Chamberlain has been found to be a real achiever when compared to Smarmer. He gave Britain radar and the Spitfire fighter, his champions are now pointing out, and at the time of the Munich ‘deal’ in 1938, Britain was in no shape to stand up to rampant Germany thanks to years of neglect by Labour, and the country did not want war then, no way!

File under ‘D’ for Dodgy

What we should be asking is what the EFU is trying to draw our attention away from with its confected row over what marmalade can be called.

Under Care

Our Prime Fantasist loves to go on TV and tell us that the UK is well placed to ride out the Iran war, we have large stocks of fuel and energy and the economy is booming.
    And it’s only the two big blokes in white coats from the looney bin standing within easy grabbing range that tell the real story.

Thumped!

Iran blocks the Strait @ Hormuz. What does President Thump do in response? Puts his navy in place to make sure the strait is blocked. Get out of that!

Skivers beware

The Conservatives have decided that letting council staff work 4 days for 5 days’ pay is a Bad Idea. And next time they’re in government, it will be banned so that there is no more full rates demanded for part-time service.
    Predictably, the Trivials and the green grotters are all in favour of lotz more of it.

Human shields work?

What do you do when a ranting enemy threatens to bomb your bridges and power plants? Round up gangs of women and kids, give them flags, post them on and around the targets and tell the enemy: “Go right ahead, Mr. TACO!”
    Worked for the Iranians.

Wallet Hit

The Home Sec. has done a (c)rapper out of $15 million by refusing to issue a visa to let him do his anti-Semitic act here in July at a long-running festival.
    The decision to go for the (c)rapper cost the festival major sponsors and it has been cancelled as a result.

Eyes on them

Boffins reckon that they can predict where knife crime hot-spots are and the times of maximum danger. This will allow live facial recognition cameras to be active at the right places and the right times, and produce a cut in knife crime.
    Unless the perps are masked. And the people opposed to the system get such surveillance ruled unlawful.

You lie!

Our wonderful government attempted to blame the stagnant economy on the war in the Middle East. This has been dismissed by experts as BS from an economically naive, ignorant and stupid regime.
    And the Fantasist’s new costs and red tape applied from this month will only make things worse.

Devalued degrees?

How does a thrusting university, an alleged place of learning and excellence, become more inclusive? Kings Collidge London has decided that ignoring bad grammar and spelling is the way forward. Along with shorter essays to prevent customers from being overburdened. [Or their preferred A.I?]
● The management is going for this (and the money), not the academics.

Yeah, right!

Labour made a big thing out of banning foi gras on animal cruelty grounds if it got elected.
    Surprise! Bier is doing a U-turn on this as part of his reset with the EFU.

Putin the ‘con’ into contribute

Smarmer’s Army is promising to cut down on the consultation culture. But they’re still expecting the private sector to wade through 358 pages of bumph and answer 173 questions to contribute to just 7 of 25 consultations on Shirkers’ Rights.

Not an option

Cynics are asking why the latest quartet of space tourists didn’t keep on going when they were heading back toward the Earth, given the state of things on The Planet.
    A desire to have access to plumbing that works and doesn’t deafen the user could have been behind the decision to land.