Crackdown crack-up

We have a Home Secretary who is in conflict with an unsackable minion who thinks wasting BILLIONs of our money is a great way to impress the self-appointed Prime Fantasist Jonah Bandwagon. Legs don’t come deader than Labour legs.

Helpful note

It has been pointed out that it doesn’t matter if J.B uses political correctness, wokism, skin colour, gender, etc. when he picks his ministers. There will be no question of appointing by ability if all of the candidates are deadlegs.

Not on the cheap

Ryanair has been booted and will stop charging passengers 8 quid per flight (there and back) to sit next to their children.

Another one

It would appear that the Fantasist of the Exchequer (pro tem) is still in La-La Land. Her latest fantasy is that she is Jonah Bandwagon’s best mate and therefore unsackable. Is Thievin even capable of coming down to earth now?

It’s wot he does

Bier Smarmer, whilst being snotty, called the concept of a P.M’s resignation honours list ‘absolutely outrageous’.
    He is now expected to do yet another of his U-turns to reward his undeserving cronies.

Not too surprising

Are looney Left councils in London working at pace to support the Labour party’s criminal clients? Could well be if they are demanding that air conditioning units be ripped out on bogus gorbal warmage grounds and people should ventilate their home by leaving doors and windows open for the convenience ot Labour’s burglars.

Might still happen

Labour’s biggest trade union backers are opposed to the idea of making job-destroying Edstone Milipede the Chancer of the Exchequer as part of a dirty deal for supporting J.B as P.M without mandate.
    The country’s wealth-generating private sector also says Milipede would be a disaster. But then, what’s one more disaster in Jonah’s career of going from one disaster to another?

Political Speak No. 104

We inherited . . .: We took office after years of yelling that this is a problem but we didn’t have a plan for tackling it in 2024, we still don’t have a plan and that is why nothing has been done.

Desperation move

Labour is so desperate for a female leader that one of the nuttiest of the bunch actually claimed that Jonah Bandwagon could be considered their party’s first female P.M in all but sex!!!
    This is clear evidence that removal of all working brain cells is a necessary part of the journey to becoming a senior Labour figure.
    It also tells us that the Labour party at large still doesn’t know what a woman is.

Big deal

Is anyone likely to notice the difference between being out and about in 36.1 deg.C (June 2026) and 35.6 deg.C (June 1957)? A negative makes the world records that the Met Office is yelling about just mildly interesting numbers.

On the record

The government is not being allowed to get away with staging the grab of a Put’nstani shadow fleet oil tanker as a distraction from the resignations of the Defence Sec. and the Armed Forces Minister.

Criminal tsunami

Why is Labour planning to release the worst criminals from gaol early? Because Dippy Davy Lammy is the injustice secretary. Some 6,000 bad guys will end up back on the streets in large batches after getting 50%, or even two-thirds, off their sentence.
● “MPs misled by assumptions dressed up as evidence” is how the government got this through Parliament, the legal trade reckons.

LEZ racket fall-out

Analysis of the Low Emissions Zone rackets run in Scottish city centres has found that they are bad for the economy. Avoiding the fines by shopping at out-of-town retail centres is the new normal for motorists and footfall is declining in city centres with rows of empty shops.

Obvious target

What happens when you build a weird-looking tower one-third of a mile high in Peking? Someone flies a light aircraft into it! Well, that’s what happened in the week just gone.

Boosting the brand

Collector’s items for the future? President Thump is putting his mug on the inside cover of a limited edition of US passports to mark the 250th anniversary of the end of their first civil war.
● Non-Trumpists can still go for normal passports with a picture of a US landmark.

Even more relief

Esso petrol is still 151.9p/litre locally but diesel has dropped to a mere 167.9p/litre. Cue the Iran war hotting up again?

Explosive answer

Recalling a Star Trek episode in which some possessed crew member was singing Danny Boy incessantly over the ship’s broadcast system, I was ready to chuck a grenade at the mock Irish blokes singing it in an episode of Murder, She Wrote.

Devious & Sly

O’besity is not your fault, the website was telling me as I was still thinking about a short story about the government taking over the bodies of their customers and putting them to work whilst they were asleep. Are we now expected to believe that the evil government makes people fat to make money out of the fat-jab deals for the NHS somehow?
    Wouldn’t put it past the Labour lot.

Not much cop

How effective is Australia;s ban on access to anti-social meeja by under 16s? A survey has found that 90% of kids are still getting to banned sites. So much for the Bier Smarmer U-turn from ban to no ban? Or was it the other way round?

Going for something that works?

Some EFU countries are working at exporting illegals to Rwanda. And reminding us what idiots our Labour lot were to blow £800 million of taxpayers’ money on cancelling the Tory Rwanda plan.

Desperation tactic

The Army is encouraging soldiers to take up clay pigeon shooting. A shotgun is seen as a weapon of last resort to use on an enemy drone. But a hell of a lot cheaper than a missle costing thousands and thousands of pound, as the Ukrainians found out in the early years of their war with Put’nstan.

Finally, back East

The RedBlacks took a trip to Montreal to end CFL week 4. The Als started with a FG try; off the upright. Lots of scampering for 21 yards for the Als, then a bomb pass to the end zone. A FG in reply, 3-7. A flying helmet as the Als got close in Q2, TD. Another FG for the RBs. Close after a bomb pass as the half ran out, Charge! from the 1, 6-21. A pick stopped the visitors with a minute left.
     A pass into traffic, a walk into the end zone, TD for the RedBlacks, 12-21. They were back for another TD in the 11th minute of Q3, 18-21. A TD for the Als 4 minutes in to Q4. Scramble, pass, RBs close, “What a catch!”, 25-28.
    A TD for the Als with 5 minutes left. FG for the RBs, 28-34. One for the Als with a minute left, 28-37.  So the RedBlacks returned the kick off for a TD!!! 34-37. Final. Triffic!

Bottom of the pecking order

Should Jonah Bandwagon become our Prime Fantasist without a mandate, what of our special relationship with the USA? Given that President Thump sees the Bandwagon Kid as just the mayor of some town while he’s the boss of the greatest nation in the world, it’s always going to be D.T tooling down on J.B from a great height.

Go for the real thing

A comparison of real foods and vegan copies found that the vegan versions contain twice as many additives. The advice to real vegans is that they should eat natural plant foods rather than pretend that they’re getting meat and other animal products.

NHS ‘tin god’ culture

Maternity patients and babies dying of neglect at Nottingham University Hospital NHS Trust. Bullying, but by unnamed managers, male and female, creating a toxic culture over a decade and a half. Anyone going to gaol? Joke!
    Stafford hospital all over again? And nothing done about it?

Penetrating the past

Memory can be a very selective thing. One of my correspondents has been reading a collection of short stories, which he penned as the 20th century moved into the 21st.
    He’s finding that he can remember some of the episodes of Babylon 5, now showing on the Legend channel during the week and which pre-dates his book by about 5 years. But he has found he could remember only the longest of his own book; mainly because he reworked the novel-length story as a stand-alone member of his Personal Publishing Programme nearly 20 years ago.
● Shocking fire hazard, all them candles on B5!!

He’ll be chips

One thing we need to be practising now putting on an air of indifference when foreign politicians make dogfood out of our featherweight self-appointed replacement Prime Fantasist.

Heat dome hazard

According to the heat guru, you need to park your car next to a large van or lorry, or in shade created by trees. But will this lead to road-rage incidents when overheated motorists find themselves competing for a prime spot?

Easy way to get the cash

Research in the USA has found that 60% of children and high school pupils would rather be an influenzer than a pop star. Because pop stars have to do some work but influenzers don’t?

Lord Deadleg

Lord Squirmer is still claiming that the Chagos Betrayal and giving away all those BILLIONs is in the national interest.
    Shame we can’t rely on Jonah Bandwagon giving him to Mauritius instead, along with other failed Smarmerites.

ATM sez “No!”

Israeli politicians are just smiling and saying nowt after a hacking operation on the banking system denied access to backers of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards. The latest attack was the second in a fortnight.

Not a bad bargain!

P. Murrell’s gaol sentence for embezzlement of SNP funds, with the usual discount, makes the deal worth £127,000 per year inside.

Banners Out

Given that J.B has no mandate from the country at large, we could see a new set of posters being flourished if he blags the P.M job via a dirty deal. Posters with the slogan NOT MY PRIME MINISTER with the least flattering mugshot available.

And again out West

It was the Stampeders at the Lions on Saturday. A penalty got the Stamps close, on to a TD. The Lions woke up but they were picked near the end zone. Sack, punt. TD for the Lions in the 1st minute of Q2, 7-all. A 56-yard FG for the Stamps. The Lions got close again, TD! Adams to the end zone, TD for the Stamps with a minute left, 17-14. The Lions fumbled the kick off away. TD for the Stamps from the BC 2. 24-14.
    Another Calgary sack on Rourk in Q3, FG. Sacked again. Nearly a pick, bobbled, the Stamps got the ball and went in for a TD, 31-17. In Q4, another sack by the Stamps, punt; returned for a TD!! 38-17. This is murder. Huge pass play to the CS 2, TD for BC, +2, 38-25 with a couple of minutes left. FG for the Stamps. TD for the Lions, +2, 41-33. The end.

Financial failure

The Office for Budgie Responsibility has found that the government overpaid benefits by £10 BILLION in the last financial year and HMRC failed to collect £60 BILLION of taxes due.
    So much for the competence of a Labour government and The Blob. No wonder there’s no cash for Defence spending.

One last bite

If you have a cash ISA, you can expect Thievin Reeves to stick her grabbing fist into it before she gets the boot. More ‘bash the prudent’ from Labour.

Soft and melting

The national response to the current hot spell shows that we have become a collection of wimps. That’s the conclusion from how things are now compared to how they were in 1976, when schools stayed open and everyone carried on carrying on.

Obvious target

What happens when you build a weird-looing tower one-third of a mile high in Peking? Someone flies a light aircraft into it! Well, that’s what happened in the week just gone.

Mid-Morning

Help! When I went out to empty a waste basket into the black bin, it was quite dark and there was water falling out of the sky!

No change

Despite the ‘agreement’ reached 2 weeks ago, the Iranians are still shooting at tankers trying to navigate the Strait of Hormuz, and also US bases in neighbouring countries, and the Israelis are still bombing the FK out of Lebanon.

Start with a major mistake?

Is J. Bandwagon stoopid enuff to make Edstone Milipede the Chancellor? Or will his candidate for deputy P.M (female) be able to slide Pixie Balls into the Treasury to replace one failing woman with another for cosmetic reasons?
    Everyone with brain cells is yelling ‘No to Milipede!’

File under ‘D’ for Doombuggers

It’s a funny old world if some chancer, who’s obviously unfit for the job, decides he should be the P.M and the Labour party goes along with it coz other chancers see opportunities to stick their mitts deeper into the taxpayer’s pocket.
    Worse, we’ve all seen what a bog the Lzbour lot have been making of picking a leader for decades. And this one will turn out to be the worst of the lot. Groan!

Got lucky!

Police doing a drug bust in the suburbs to the east of Paris turned up lotz of cannabis, designer clothes and cash. The also found a £13 million Picasso painting.
    The picture is believed to have been stolen from a storage firm rather than an art gallery, and it’s a prime example of his weird period.

Still hot but dull

Now that we’re actually in real summer, not the bogus one the Met Office claimed 3 weeks early, we’re starting to get the weather we’re used to at this time of year.
    The wind machine is still going and the Sun is having a hell of a job getting a look through all them clouds at times.

Still out west

The Argos went up against the Rough Riders yesterday on a beautiful night. Crumbs! First play 61 yards straight through the Riders! 2 plays and a pick! Sack, punt by the RR. Returned for a TD! Add a FG at half-way through Q1 for 10-0.
    Close for the RR, pick by the Argos in the end zone! FG in Q2, 13-0. Close for the Riders, TD. Add a FG. Then a TD with 2 minutes to go, 13-17. Huge pass by Kelly then a TD as time ran out, 20-17.
    FG for the Argos in Q3. Up close, Kelly in for a TD, 30-17. Close for the RR, Charge! TD, 30-24. FG for the Argos in Q4. Back came the Riders to a TD, 33-31.
    Fumble by the RR, TD for T’ronno, 40-31. The RR lost a fumble recovery to a penalty, FG with 34 seconds left, 40-34. The end. Ain’t the CFL triffic!

The final curtain

Bier Smarmer did an ‘I quit’ speech containing 14 outright lies and evasions, and tried to pretend that 9 major ishues didn’t exist. No one surprised.

Political reality

Q: Why is a deadleg like Jonah Bandwagon being handed the keys to No. 10 just coz he wants them?
A: Because we’re in a period when the post of P.M is being handed to people who are just not up to the job.

The Royal Mail sez

According to the leaflet, 2nd Class mail is changing. It will be morer reliable and sustainable, and it will offer less at the same price. Sounds like the same sort of change as what we get from the Labour party!

Confidence lacking

The reason why Labour doesn’t go for the Queen of Somewhere as its leader is that the huge amount of pressure at the top is too bruising for a woman to handle.
    That’s the view of the current deputy leader, anyway, who freely admits that she couldn’t hack it.

Today’s Observation

Q: What happens when you’ve got to know the number of your credit card after having had several years to learn it, and also the expiry date; which is not until next year; and the secret 3-digit security code?
A: The bank sends you a new card with a different number, a new expiry date and a different 3-code.

Today’s Question

Q: Is Jonah Bandwagon trustworthy?
A: He promised, guaranteed, pledged to serve out his 5-year term as mayor of Manchester. Did that happen?

Hot! Hot!

I was amused to read that the London School of Economics had to cancel a flagship talking shop on global heating this week due to a lack of air-conditioning. Which served the purpose of not adding an insignificant extra portion of hot air to the sweltering London area.

What’s it like?

It’s the sort of weather when you have to put the chocolate biscuits in the fridge because the coating is melting!

Well dodgy headline!

Tehran agrees to nuke inspectors was visible above the fold in the newspaper. Which left me wondering who’s going to give the mad Iranians the nukes to do the job, and what have the inspectors done to deserve such a termination?

Thursday in Manitoba

Good opening drive to a TD for the visiting Edmonton Antlers. The Blue Bombers got close but fumbled the ball away. Just a FG, 10-0. Scoring range for the Antlers in Q2, out on downs up close. So the BB fumbled the ball away again. Charge! for the gaol, TD. Into the last minute of the half, bomb pass to the end zone to a BB receiver by Collards, 17-7.
    A rouge for the BB from the Q3 kick off. A fumble to the Ants. One back to the BB, who fumbled the ball away? Nope. A FG at the end of the quarter, 17-11. Close for the BB, pylon dive by Olivera, 17-18. FG range for the Ants, TD, 23-18 final.

More Labour nastiness

Labour is trying to sneak through a plan to kill off Freeview TV by 2034. No more TV you can pick up with an aerial, only TV on the internet at increased cost.

Dream on

If you’ve created a cliché, flog it to death; like the one about B.S winning a ‘landslide’ election victory in 2024 with the votes of just 20% of the electorate. That’s the meeja environment in which some of the ravers are claiming that the Deadleg from the North will be PM by the middle of July.

Today’s Question

What, one wonders, is an ‘official’ apology from Jonah Bandwagon to anyone worth? Apart from bugger all.

Deadleg Delivery

Is there a fast track for frauds? You-know-who seems to be one. He doesn’t have a mandate for his whims of the moment. He doesn’t have any political skills and he’s definitely totally lacking in credibility.
    Apart from that, he’s a messiah.

Don’t fall for it

Electric heat pumps are a bad idea, in the opinion of 30% of the respondents to a survey. They cost too much, they don’t heat homes properly and they cost too much to use due to the artificially high cost of Milipede electricity.

The evidence is there

Is the Labour lot cunning enuff to raise our Defence spending to 3.5%, or even 4%, of GDP by keeping the spending at the current level whilst lowering the nation’s GDP with anti-growth policies of the sort imposed by Thievin in order to hit the target?
    With a lot of help from Angrier Rainer and her job-destroying antics, of course.

Not a recommendation

Jonah Bandwagon is being likened to a hot-air balloon which drifts whichever way the wind is blowing and is quite content to do so because it has no choice in the matter.
    And let us not forget that he has spent most of his working life in politics, which means he has pretty well Nett Zero experience of real life.
    Rather like Bier Smarmer the terribly robotic ’uman bluddy rights lawyer.

Best buys

Bury in Lancashire is the best place to go for a pint, a survey has found. The average cost there is just £2.75; half the national grab of £5.34. Kilmarnock and Hull are the next cheapest.
● You can be done for a tenner in London.

Be advised

Serbia Smarmer will remain in office but not in power until September. That’s how long Jonah Bandwagon reckons it will take to organize the bribes needed to get his mugs in a row.

The will to work

87% of degree students have to work during term time due to the costa living, a survey has found. Which makes it a good job Labour’s customers are shunning work to make room for the students in the workforce!

Cute observation

Bier Smarmer has turned the country into a basket case. But by the time Jonah Bandwagon has finished messing us about, there won’t even be a basket left.

Trend setter

Pundits are telling us that when a senior Westminster Wonder gets the boot, it’s the convention to remember their successes, not their failures.
    But the big problem with Bier Smarmer is that he doesn’t have any successes. Will we get a period of blessed silence? Fat chance! Same when J.B gets the boot. The nattering will just go on and on.

File under ‘U’ or ‘W’

Bets are now being laid on when Jonah Bandwagon with exceed Bier Smarmer’s total of in office flip-flops – U-turns major and minor. A count is also being kept of J.B’s double-U-turns to see how fast he can set a world record.

Not us, Gov, again

Teachers, who are revving up to leap out on strike, are trying to set up an alibi. Defects in the education system are all the fault of Bier Smarmer and his minions and nothing to do with teacher failings and greed.
    Cynics see this as an attempt to blackmail more cash and perks out of Jonah Bandwagon as he is seen as a soft touch.

How long can a Deadleg dangle?

A week is a long time in politics, the saying goes. For the Deadleg from the North, it’s proving more than enuff time to take the gloss off him.
    Like Bier Smarmer, he has no record of being good at any stage of his career. Is it an advantage for a politician to take over a postion of great responsibility with Nett Zero expectation that he will be any good at it? Probably not if the countdown to J.B’s departure has already started.

Today’s Observation

All Jonah Bandwagon has to offer really is not being Bier Smarmer. Which is something that everyone else on The Planet can offer too.

Unwelcome change

The government’s borrowing costs spiked in response to the Deadleg in the North threatening to become the Deadleg for Everywhere. Gilt rates went up another 0.1%, costing us even more billions.

Lethal contests

If you go to France, stay well away from the people playing petanque. It generates killing rage! An 81-year-old is currently under arrest for killing a rival by bashing him with a metal boule.

So much for popular wisdom

The experts have decided that mother doesn’t actually know best. A survey gave the shock result that 51% of the respondents thought they got better advice from dad.

It’s a racket

Our wonderful government is letting chancers from the USA, the EFU countries and places like Australia, Canada and New Zealand claim asylum here. With free taxpayer-funded housing and pocket money on offer.

The mess gets messier

The heat wave is encouraging the migrant merchants to send world record numbers of unwanted scroungers boating across the Channel. Labour, naturally, has no answer to this.
    Nor does it have an answer to illegals involved in the one in, one out, one back again scam with the French, which doesn’t seem to apply to the ones exported to France who sneak back here again, the Home Secretary had more or less admitted.

Reality report

Yes, it’s hot today, as it was yesterday, but the wind machine is set to gale, which makes getting washing dried a doddle; as long as it’s well pegged to the line and can’t end up streets away!
    It also stops the great outdoors from feeling as Scorchio! as the Met Office would have us believe it is.

Planless?

The alibis are clunking into place already. Bier Smarmer was a flop as a Prime Fantasist because he never got his head round what the job entails. Jonah is in the same danger of looking like he’s making everything up as he goes along and the inevitable string of U-turns.

The political dictionary

Ring-fencing: Minsters and snivel servants try to hit one another with hula hoops and achieve nothing useful.

Whitewash on Green

The head of the green grotters, Mr. Alias, has pleaded poverty and been allowed to get away with failing to pay council tax on his houseboat. That’s despite being paid £66.5K as a member of the London Assembly.
    No criminal charge as the Greater London Authority has applied a tankerload of whitewash to his case.

Still doing it

Wot is the point of telling us that two Chinese blokes gaoled for spying for China here got a total of 18 years in gaol? Or 12 years total after the usual discount.
    In fact, one got 8 years and the other got 10 years. That’s what we should have been told. But it should have been 18 years each.

Polytics Explained

Statement: “I will fight on,” sez Bier Smarmer.
Translation: “I will do a U-turn later this week.”
Statement: “B.S is not angry,” sez Lord Squirmer.
Translation: “He’s incandescent,” sez a senior Labour insider.

Dream on

If you’ve created a cliché, flog it to death; like the one about B.S winning a ‘landslide’ election victory in 2024 with the votes of just 20% of the electorate.
    That’s the meeja environment in which some of the ravers are claiming that the Deadleg from the North will be able to do the  PM job by the middle of July.

Woke equality

The Polis of the Metrolopis will, no doubt, claim diversity as its defence after losing a case brought by one of their victims. He was arrested and handcuffed after his mother attempted suicide even though he wasn’t there at the time.
    This is a case of ‘guilty by being black’ to set against the Hampshire police’s policy of ‘guilty by being white’.

Drone War

Put’nstand blasts an historic cathedral in Ukraine with drones. The Ukrainians blast a major oil refinery in Moscow with their drones. No wonder Put’n the Poisoner holds summits with foreign leaders over 400 miles from his capital.

Grabbers

Venice is putting up its tourist entrance fee. It was just 5 euros when it was introduced in 2024. It is now set to become 50 euros per day. Inflation, eh?

File under ‘ZA’ for Zut Alors

The French PM has felt a need to ban drinking alcohol at festivals in the areas declared to be a red weather zone. Good luck with making tha work, mate!

File under ‘H’ for Hype

Did Prince Hairy make a million-quid donation to a UK charity last year ‘out of his own pocket’? Nope, it came from another charity created by his mother. Do we care? Nope.

A long way from the original

The Mr. Whippy ice cream treat is being exposed as a brew of ultra-processed gunk rather than good old ice cream. And it uses coconut oil instead of yer actual cream. And there are tons of calories, and all that air, of course, and the sale price is over 400% of the cost.
    Not exactly a bargain for the punters.

Message maniacs

They’re going to have to create a whole new book of pathetic world records for Gen Z, survey data is showing. The latest is that ringing a doorbell or knocking on a door is beyond them. They have to use their phone to send a text message saying: ‘I’m outside’.
● Millennials are nearly as bad but not quite.

It’s only unconstitutional

Lout cries of ‘FRAUD!’ are bouncing off Labour’s dead ears. The party lacks a mandate for the chaos that Jonah Bandwagon wants to inflict on us. But is his party at all bovvered?
● Judgement severely lacking if he’s had to buy off Milipede with the Chancellor job.

Even more relief

Fuel prices locally have come down yet more. Esso petrol is now 151.9p/litre and diesel is 171.9p/litre.

Poverty drive

Labour’s stealth taxes, especially fiscal drag, put £30 billion into the begging bowl in the first year of Smarmerism. Things are getting worse for the wealth-creating private sector this year. Wages are below the rising costa living. Above, in the public sector, of course.

File under ‘C’ for Cute

Chicago could end up polishing its reputation for diversity and division by renaming the street where the Trump International Hotel stands.
    There’s a petition before the city council asking for the road to be named after B. O’bummer in order to include both names in the postal address.

More swindling

Glasgow City Council deserves a good booting for its bogus Nett Zero claims. Such as creating cycle lanes using granite kerbs imported all the way from China to Save The Planet.
    Definitely a boot in the teeth for the local economy by the politicians and their dodgy accounting.

Flagship sinks

Indonesia is setting world records for corruption after the president’s flagship free school meals deal went belly up.
    The sacked director is under arrest for grabbing, there have been over 33,000 cases of food poisoning and there is a £39 million ‘budget discrepancy’.

An essay in uselessness

What do you get if the SNP commissions two new ferries? One still not completed after 8 years and having a totally pointless LNG power plant installed on fiddled Nett Zero grounds.
    The other is in service but its Liquefied Natural Gas system doesn’t work. The original budget was £97 million for the two but the cost of the fiasco is heading for £600 million.
● The LNG has to be imported at Kent (from half-way round the world?) and driven on the road system to Scotland. Which makes a nonsense of all the Nett Zero B.S.

Wot a lot!

They certainly crammed a lot of episodes into the ancient TV series called The Vise (by someone who didn’t know how to spell vice?). I’ve just noticed that an episode from series 2 was number 52!!
    And worth watching, too.

Nothing startling

Despite all the hype, the Sun keeps vanishing behind clouds and the wind machine is making the apple trees dance. It’s comfortably warm rather than melting in the areas that aren’t about to give the Met Office new, improved world records.

Andy Ate Mon Esperance

Jonah Bandwagon has delivered change already, one of our meeja favourites has noticed. J.B has swapped the black T-shirt he’s been wearing for, like, forever for a white polo shirt. Which shows off his moobs and his bulging belly. Fat cat!

And a bit more

We’re also being advised to have torches and batteries and a pocket phone and spare batteries for it at the ready in case the heat causes power cuts by overheating sensitive (Chinese?) equipment. Auto-activation of the kill-switch?

Anti-Britischness on steroids

Oxford City Council (Triv-Dem) is trying to get showing a Union Flag or St. George’s Cross flag near a road, or putting either flag on a lamp post, made a criminal offence worth a stonking fine and 2 years in gaol as the penalty.

More water off the duck’s back

The BierBC’s bias against Reform UK is so blatant that it was  prepared to coach immigrants to attack Reform in a Question Time programme about the ishue.
    This edition of QT is now high on the list of most complained about BierBC broadcasts. Not that the BierBC is bovvered.

Good luck with that!

Oxford City Council wants the University’s student union to cough up the policing costs of one of its debates. The police had to deal with a mob of masked looney Left thugs trying to prevent the activist Tom E. Alias from taking part in the debate.
    All in the name of free speech, of course.

How curious

Something else I noticed is that the Met Office is busting a gut to beat June temperature records set in London in 1957 and Southampton in 1976.
    Long before the gorbal warmage scam was invented.

Our judges, eh!

What do you get if a male foreigner who was gaoled in the US for sexual assault on a 15-year-old girl wants to move to the UK?
    Immigrantion judges claiming it would infringe his ’uman bluddy rights not to let him in.

Rather over the top!

Something I’ve only just spotted – we’re being ordered to close our curtains between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. to keep the deadly, ultra-hot sunlight out!
    And switch the lights on?
    Leaving the electricity grid struggling to meet the unexpected demand?
p.s. It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity which is the main killer.

The government, eh!

What do you get if a Put’nstanti warship starts shooting at a British yacht in the English Channel in thick fog?
    Put’nstan lying about the incident and the useless jobsworths @ our Ministry of Defence backing them up and trying to put the blame on the yacht.

Blame Thievin

A survey of hundreds of our top executives has reached a very unsurprising conclusion: that the UK has become a worse place to do business under Labour.
    The meeja are attempting to present this result as ‘a shocker’. No one is convinced as it was totally expected; and the executives expect things to get worse.

World Cup precaution

Footballers’ WAGs have had to contend with a new rule this time around. Non-transparent bags are limited to a size of 6½” by 4½”. Presumably to prevent volatile females from stashing a brick in their ruinously expensive designer handbag in case they get an urge to clobber someone.

A selling point?

Would you necessarily want a hearing aid which is sold on the basis of having A.I noise management?
    Or would you worry that it’s full of Chinese chips, all with a kill switch?

Extinctionologists

Natural England is getting a booting for planning to kill lots of the natural Dartmoor ponies. The UN thinks they are an endangered species; and they are if NatEng gets its evil way.

Edstone blight

Edstone Milipede is getting the blame for turning once prosperous Aberdeen into a city in slump. The wealth creating oil industry has been swapped for a city full of vape shops and bookies. And no sign of all them promised green jobs.

Snack sparingly

The scores are in if you’re scoffing crisps whilst watching the World Cup on TV. The message is beware! Even the fanciest and apparently most exotic ones usually have a zero or low health rating.

Too soft touch

Every party’s that’s not in government is seeing the sense in Thump-style visa bans on countries that send us criminals and won’t take them back. Easy to do, but not for Labour.

Today’s Question

Is swapping one deadleg for a different deadleg going to make everything wonderful?

Labour Polyticks

Q: What do you get if Bier Smarmer sez he’ll be Prime Fantasist for a decade?
A: Two years of uselessness then he’s gone and the Deadleg in the North taking over.

Unremarkable weather

Another day with some morning cloud cover. We’re not exactly getting the relentless blaze of heatwave the Met Office keeps trying to sell here.
    Definitely not Scorchio! from dawn to sunset.
    We didn’t get a lengthy look at the Sun until they switched the wind machine on to blow holes in the cloud cover. Cue a good shaking for the apple trees and the washing.

Sickfluenzers!

An increase of 12% since the general election has helped Labour put 4 million customers on disability benefits. 1.6 million of them are mental elves. The government is ignoring calls for them to receive treatment rather than cash as its back-benchers need these votes.
    The situation is not being helped by the sickfluenzer army on the interweb; whole gangs of them advising on how to game the virtually unscrutinized system.

And finally

The RoughRiders went to Calgary and kicked a FG. Close to start Q2, walk-in TD, 10-0. Sack, fumble forced by the Stamps, on to a 1-yard TD, 10-7. Wow, gosh! Wot a huge scamper after a pass, on to the end zone, 17-7. TD again for the RR, 23-7. An RR long FG try in the last few seconds of the half was run back the length of the pitch for a TD!! 23-14 at the half.
    The Stamps kicked a FG in Q3, 23-17. RR close, TD, went for 2, 31-17. A penalty put the stamps at the RR 1 in Q4, TD, 31-24. Lots of defence. The Stamps were close in the last minute, TD pass by Adams!! OT.
    The Stamps kicked a FG, so did the Riders, and the Stamps, 34-37. Charge! from the CS 1, 40-37 final.

Out West

A bit wet for the Alouette visit to Edmonton. A FG to start. Lotz of defence. In Q2, the Antlers coughed up the ball, sack but the Als kept going to a TD after 10 minutes then a FG, 13-0. A TD for the Ants as the half ran down, 13-7.
    A huge run to the goal in Q3 for the Antlers, 13-14. And another! 13-20. Q4 began with a FG for the Antlers, 13-23. FG in the rain for the Als. The Ants forced and recovered a fumble. Just a punt but the return bogged, Edmonton ball. FG, 16-26. The Als scored a TD with 3 minutes left. FG, OT.
    The Als kicked a FG. The Ants fumbled the ball but got the last touch. 1st and goal, TD by Fajardo!!!! 29-32 final. Yay!!!!!

In the nation’s capital again

The visiting Argos stopped the RedBlacks with a pick, close, TD! Lotz of defence. Then a TD for the home team, 7-all. A bomb pass got the Argos to scoring range, another TD. The RBs kicked a short FG in Q2, 14-10. The Argos close, nothing. A pick by the RBs as the half ran out, sacked to a punt. Close again, TD Toronto! 21-10. A FG at 0:00, 21-13.
    A short FG in Q3 for the Argos, 24-13. DPI took away an Argo pick, on to a FG, 24-16. Another TD for the Argos. Then a FG, 34-16. A pick at the end of the quarter gave the ball to the RBs. FG in Q4. Another pick! Scoring range, FG, 34-22. Another RB pick! 3rd & goal from the 1; stopped. The Argos gave up a safety to waste some time, 34-24. Not much time left, another Argo TD, 44-24 final.

Double spotting event

The former Defence Sec. and his former Armed Forces minister have both noticed that Thievin Reeves is a dangerous idiot where Defence of the Realm is concerned. Several other Labour MPs have also realized she’s a liability.
● President Thump seems to think the same about Israeli PM Ne10yahoo.

Broken system

The Tories have noticed that certain judges are abusing the asylum system and preventing criminals from being deported. Labour seems quite content with the bias, however.

Not a killer

Putting a kill switch in a pocket phone won’t stop thefts, we are being told. Lots of them are grabbed for the precious metals used in their construction.

Real deal

Reading a newspaper article about why the system for counting calories is completely WRONG!, the thing that caught my attention was the use of the word calories.
    Not the bogus kilocalories, or kcal, used on food packaging. The actual scientific word; which lent the article credibility.

Some more relief

Fuel prices locally have come down a bit more. Esso petrol is now 153.9p/litre and diesel is 174.9p/litre.

Political disaster

Business rates in Scotland are going up by 10% and killing off businesses. Nothing is wrong, sez the SNP. Maybe its members need to get out in cities where whole rows of shops are closed.

Bad move

According to some experts, politicians are the last people you should trust to solve problems created by anti-social meeja. Why? Because they are useless at getting things done.
    All they do is talk and thrash about aimlessly. And fail to apply a ban to anything at all that’s vexatiously Left-wing.

Not us, Gov

The National Portrait Gallery is happy to let an exhibitor tell bare-faced lies about Sir Winston Churchill as it supports freedom of artistic expression.
    And freedom to lie and distort history, too?

Well, maybe

The Met Office is really busting a gut to sell us its ‘Hottest June day in the whole history of the Universe’ tale. Have they bought some time on the Jonah Bandwagon hype-tripe machine?

Wasting police time

15 of the 44 police forces in England and Wales are refusing to reveal details of the non-crime, non-events that they logged before these time-wasters were banned in March.
    Profound enbarrassment at the amount of time wasted on B.S is believed to be behind the coyness.

Putting us first

Reform UK has unveiled a plan to charge firms that employ migrants a fee for doing it. The idea is to tell them that putting British people first is a better idea.
    They would also have to pay the Thievin National Insurance rates for migrants but Brits would pay lower rates.

A more pertinent ban

Never mind a ban on access to anti-social meeja for kids until their mid-teens. The story behind the arson attacks on property belonging to our Prime Fantasist indicates that Put’nstan should be excluded from the internet completely if the minions are using it to stir up division and fear in the UK and buy acts of vandalism from foreigners allowed to lurk here by our looney Lefties.

Off target

 What would you think a ‘podgy pill’ does? The opposite of a slimming pill? Something to help underweight people reach a healthy BMI?
   In fact, the term is being applied to the new Wegover weight-loss pill.

Desperation tactic

Put’n the Poisoner is failing to beat Ukraine on the ground. He is now trying to wipe out their historic buildings with drone attacks. Will there be a pop at the Kreml now?

More cash for the lawyers

The Solicitor Genera is taking the unduly lenient gaol sentence imposed on Henry Nowak’s killer to the Court of Appeal. Next stop, the Supreme Court?

The path of polytics

The leader of the Opposition offers to help the Prime Fantasist to force cuts in welfare past his own MPs. Then she tags on conditions that Bier can’t handle. Result: lots of time wasted on chatting and nothing beneficial done.

Own goal

Picking a name for a business can be a perilous process, as one  of my correspondents has found. ‘Use bark, get bit’ is how he sums up his experience of bark.com, an outfit which takes job details from online users and matched them to tradespeople in their area.
    No sense of satisfaction and a job left incomplete. Not somewhere he’s going to go back to.

A flop is a flop is a flop

Some commentators are now giving the deluded Jonah Bandwagon ‘a few short months’ before he becomes even more unpopular than Bier Smarmer instead of lasting to next spring.

Meanwhile, in Hamilton

Lions versus TigerCats, who got a TD from their first play; a monster pass to a receiver at the goal line! BC managed a FG after a sack. Down the field again! Charge! into the end zone from the 1, 3-14. Another FG in reply.
   The Cats started Q2 with another TD. FG for the Lions, 9-21. A 45-yarder from the Cats; wide left. Pinned deep, BC went to a pick by the TC defence. A bomb pass for a TD to Lawler from Mitchell! 9-27 at half time.
    Another TC TD in the 9th minute of Q3. Whyte again with a FG, 12-34. Another TC FG to open Q4 after BC had been sent out on downs. 12-41. A rouge from a punt for BC. Not till the 12th minute did BC find the end zone, 20-41. And again with 43 seconds left. Not enuff, 27-41 final.

Not a change

The Deadleg in the North moves to the South. But so what? He’s still as big a deadleg as ever. And his sense of entitlement remains as massive and unchanged.

Get real

Some wiseguy was asking why we don’t have a fleet review at Spithead like the ones we had in the good old days. Probably because with so much of the fleet in repair yards, it could be done on a handy duck pond.

Weird concept

President Thump is reported to have had an 80th birthday bash involving a cage fighting event, which sounds rather boring. After all, how much fighting can cages do?
● The ‘sport’ has been described as humangle cockfighting with the emphasis on the ‘mangle’ rather than the ‘human’.

And again

Another U-Turn from Bier – a ban on under-16s using 10 anti-social meeja platforms. Maybe sometime next year. And also a curfew for 16- and 17-year-olds, even though Bier thinks they’re responsible enuff to have the vote.
    He wants to replace a status quo that isn’t working with another quo which won’t work either.

Not creaky, no way

President Thump, now 80, doesn’t drop off to sleep in meetings and at events. He just does long blinks. Ones which can leave him with his eyes closed for incredibly long periods of time, which gives annoying photographers lotz of chances to snap him like that. He also closes his eyes as a signal that he wants to get the hell out of something boring.

Beware!

If storm troopers kick your door down and wreck your electric towel rail, it will be part of Edstone Milipede’s Nett Zero scam and done in the name of reducing demand on the windmills and solar stations which can’t keep the lights on.
    Gas fires, storage heaters and underfloor heating systems are also at risk of extermination by Mad Milipede.

Trying it on

A sports centre receptionist who is training to be a vicar got a flea in his ear when he tried to sue his employer for being given Sunday shifts. The tribunal was told that he had actually asked for work on Sundays, so no compenbluddysation!

Blame where it belongs

The Office for Notional Sadistics is blaming Thievin Reeves, the Fantasist of the Exchequer, for putting the country on the road to recession with her tax grabs. The economy can expect a summer of sluggishness. And an autumn of recession?

Much speedier

Will Jonah Bandwagon last to next spring before becoming as unpopular as Bier Smarmer if he gets to be P.M.? He’s pretty well established as a clueless, U-turn non-entity rather than a messiah now. This autumn looks a lot more likely for when the wheels come off completely.

Hot, it’s not

Still no heat wave. Still no Sun in the morning. But the blasts from the wind machine aren’t cold.

Man not at the Match

The BierBC’s decision to do the World Cup @ home in Salford is being dumped on the insufferably woke director of sport. Mr. Jetski has a reputation for being soul-destroyingly righteous and he doesn’t think ITV’s presence in the USA is giving viewers anything better, so there! And we get lower carbon emissions, too! Some relief for Mr. Jetski, though. A lot of the fans just want the pictures, not all the natter that goes with them.

Forlorn hope

I gather that Marsman Musk is hoping to sell goods and services to the value of $3,500 to everybody on the planet; children included. Bit of a problem, though. My correspondents and I am all wondering what he’s got that we’re not already getting.
    No chance of a holiday trip to Mars at that price!

Speculation time

The reason why fewer women are doing staying @ home to raise a family or look after the home is fertile ground for the experts. Just one-quarter of the women in this category are doing it; down from one-half 30 years ago, and the reasons from the experts are coming thick and fast.

File under ‘B’ for Boneheaded

How daft can the RSPCA get? How about having a go at a bloke, claiming his dog has been worrying sheep, when the bloke is a farmer and the animal is his sheepdog?

Makes no difference

It’s all very well for the pundits to tell us what we know – that Smarmer is useless – but we wouldn’t be better off with another of the Labour crew nominally in charge. They’re all useless too. Swap Bier ‘for the good of the nation’? Garbage.

Confinement on the cheap?

An Italian socialite has been sentenced to 18 years of house arrest instead of gaol for killing a mugger. She managed to hit him with her car after he stole her bag and ran over him several times to put him out of action and retrieve the bag.
    Maybe the lady should have been given a medal instead for services to the community!

Flip-flop

Jonah Bandwagon’s U-Turn counter continues to race. The latest is on cash for WASPI women. He was in favour one day. The next, he wasn’t.
    And tomorrow?

We know

Are we surprised that his resigned Defence Sec. told the world that Bier Smarmer is unable to defend Britain? Nope. His time pretending to be a PM has told us that ‘unable to’ is Bier’s default position.

A day that doesn’t count

It’s not Friday, it’s Thursday. Thus President Thump has signed a memo with Iran not a treato. And nothing has been settled coz the chat will go on for another 60 days.
    And another 60 after that?

Still no heatwave

It’s not cold but we have cloud cover and the wind machine is still lashing the branches of the apple trees about.
    The Sun has managed to bob out a few times this afternoon but never for long and no one is sweltering.
    Makes you wonder about how they justify yellow areas on the weather maps, never mind red ones.

Cost cushion

ITV has sent people to the Americas. The BierBC is doing its World Cup coverage on the cheap from Salford and saving millions by using a monster LED screen in the studio.
    This lets talking heads chat in front of computer-generated cityscapes of all 16 of the host venues.

Political Pillocks

Councils in the south of England are making menacing noises at football fans for displaying a Cross of St. George flag to support the England football team.
    The flags pose safety risks, the nutters are claiming, and they make (illegal) immigrants feel threatened.

Safer alternative

Despite all the complaints about Spain being overloaded with tourists, its getting even more this year. People who’d go to the Middle East are opting for places where they’re less likely to be clobbered by Iranian drones and missles.

Inside the Deal

 Iran is claiming the credit for a deal to end its explosive spat with the Untied States. A key part of getting things sorted was making President Thump jump up and down on PM Ne10yahoo and make him stop blasting the FK out of Lebanon.

Today’s definition

Burnbumism: an imaginary concept as Jonah has no political ideology, and just blows with the prevailing wind of the moment, a trait which contributes heavily to his title of Deadleg in the North.

Healthier or not?

The health gurus of the 1970s are getting a poke in the eye from the current gurus and influenzers. Going from beet tallow to cooking oils was a mistake, they are saying.
    Seed oils are industrial products whereas tallow is natural and has been used safely for thousands of years. To complicate things, dieticians are saying that neither of the above is a healthy product and they need to be used sparingly.

Right out of touch

Bier Smarmer got a loud raspberry for saying football fans can sit in sunshine on a pavement with a pint to watch England’s opening World Cup matches. When the kick-off is at 10 p.m. and sunset is at 9:20 p.m.?

File under ‘C’ for Cute

Recycled comment: The reason why P. Murrell didn’t drive the camper van blagged from the SNP’s funds anywhere is that he just needed somewhere to stash the 108 toilet rolls he blagged using SNP cash.

Gesture made

Uncle Bier is getting a booting for doing a pirate act and snaffling one of Put’n’s shadow tanker fleet only because it was politically good for him. Posturing for the G7 in the week of the Makerfield bye-election was irresistible.
● It has taken him since March to come up with an excuse for the grab, having ignored around 200 shadows swanning through The Channel.
● Will there be more grabs? Don’t count on it.

Smart Justice?

Scotland’s government has decided that the prison system isn’t working. The Justice Sec. is working on a plan to chop the current number of prisoners in half by finding community alternatives for non-violent criminals and reducing re-offending by putting them to work.

More doom?

We did ‘Vote Reform, Get Labour’ in 2024. Two years later, is it about to be ‘Vote Restore, Get Burnbum’?

Peril on the sea

The management of the Marine & Coastguard Agency is getting a booting for stopping the payments to lifeboat volunteers. Not getting the £11 for call-outs and training will make volunteering unaffordable for some, cut the numbers available for crews and put lives at risk, a senior coastguard is warning,

File under ‘B’ for Blooper

Sainsbury’s is getting a good booting for making a bog of its sums. In fact, white eggs do not have a lower carbon footprint than brown ones when all factors are considered, people are rushing to point out. So much for Saving The Planet.

Industrial inaction

The staff of the strike-happy NEU teaching union are doing it too; walking out over bullying by the management. Things are particularly bad at the London branch.

Nutritional shift

Fat-jab users are spending the best part of £800 million/year less on groceries, a survey has found. Snacks like crisps and comfort foods such as chocolate are losing out. Sales of mouthwash, chewing gum, and smoothies and other products which don’t need chewing, are all up though.

Vexatiously woke

Police chiefs and Transport Police bosses are in trouble for trying to make female coppers do a strip search of a bloke who claims he’s a woman. And to hell with what the Supreme Court said last year?

Good only for the clerical class

The alleged inquiry into the response to the Chinese plague will drag on for another year for a total of 4 and cost £240 million. What will it achieve? Nothing much if the next pandemic creates totally different problems.
● Some countries, e.g. Canada, Portugal and Spain, didn’t bother with an inquiry. Sweden did one in months and the US took 2 years.

Surprise result

A survey by the More In Common pollsters found that two-thirds of people don’t think the police treat white people less favourably than ethnic minorities. In contrast, only one-third of those surveyed disapproved of the riots after the murders in Southampton and Belfast.

Today’s Question

Is a new Defence Minister ‘missing in action’ if he gets into his new job and doesn’t put himself at the mercy of the meeja on his second day? Especially if he was standing in for Bier, who chickened out of a trip to a drone factory after cutting Defence spending to one-third of the bare minimum needed.

Job bounce

Bier Smarmer is warning his ministers they’ll get the sack if they back Jonah Burnham. But will they see that as just a temporary pause before J.B takes over and puts them back in their job as a reward for loyalty?

A root cause

The Belfast riot is being blamed on sometime Tory PM R. Sunak. He was responsible for fast-tracking asylum claims and not bothering with thorough checks despite Home Office resistance, which cost the then Home Sec. her job.
    His laxity also failed to discourage the illegal invasion.
    No one surprised.

The right day

After weeks of backstage negotions, President Thump and the Iranians have decided that Sunday is the wrong day to sign a treaty and Friday would be much better.

Pulling the plug

The Technology Sec. is being accused of trying to sneak in laws which will give Labour the ability to shut down comment on anti-social meeja if the government doesn’t like what is being said.

More political correctness

Immigration staff have been told not to wear England badges during the World Cup because they might upset illegals in detention centres. Especially the ones who are scheduled for export.

Bottomless pit

Student loan interest rates are being kept high to fund benefits, the Treasury’s Chief Secretary has announced. She is always under constant pressure from the Work & Pensions bloke for more dosh for Labour’s benefits voters.

Not competent

The unpublished Defence Investment Plan recommended an increase of £28 billion.
    A year later, the government was going for £18 billion over 4 years. That’s now down to £13 billion. Labour, eh? All them benefits voters.

No fast fix

Apple has agree to make a kill switch its default for pocket phone security. Other companies are dithering. Will this end the plague of phone thefts? Not when the bad guys work out how to unkill the kill.

Still waiting

When will this famous heat wave arrive? Or has it been and gone somewhere that matters to the Met Office?
    I notice that the wind machine is still flapping the apple tree branches around and keeping everything cool where I am, and the Sun isn’t out relentlessly all day.

File under ‘B.I’ for Bloody Israelis

President Thump has Israel killing more Lebanese as an alibi for no peace deal with Iran on the Sunday just gone. That pesky Ne10yahoo!
    Still, it deflects him from Cuba. For the moment.

Just jealousy

A small booting for those who complain about rich uncles paying the rent for where family members live. Sheer grumpiness from those who don’t have a rich uncle and who aren’t Royal.
    And the rent is paid.

Not inevitable

According to the experts, people are not afraid of spiders with good reason as they pose minimal danger to humans; well, here in the UK anyway.
    It’s their resemblance to scorpions, which are dangerous, that creates the fear.

Drone rescue

The two-man crew of a US helicopter shot down by Iran were rescued using a US Navy sea drone. The first ever rescue of its kind took the crew from the crash site to another helicopter. Both men were uninjured. Iran was Thumped in retaliation.

Short Week II

It was the Lions @ Susquatchville to end this week’s CFL. With the usual ViewTube B.S about being off line when I connected to their website!  Opening drive TD for the RoughRiders. They were pinned at their 2 by a punt but started Q2 in scoring range. Another TD. The Lions kicked a FG. One for the RR, 3-17. The Lions barged their QB into the end zone! 10-17.
    In Q3, another FG for BC. The Lions got close, TD, 17-20.  A RR FG try missed for a rouge to end the quarter. A FG for the Lions, 20-21. Monster pass play by the RR! FG, 20-24. A great pass by the Lions! Charge! for the end zone, 27-24. First and goal with time running out. TD for the Riders! 27-31 final.

Astronomical pricing

World Cup fans are really going to be clobbered when they travel to matches.
    Parking charges can be twelve times the usual going rates, car rental fees are up and coach, train and tram fares will stonk.

Some relief

I note that fuel prices locally have come down a bit. Esso petrol is now 156.9p/litre and diesel is 177.9p/litre.

Tackling a scourge

Reform UK will clean up the UK if it forms a government. How? By waging war on fly-tippers and fast-food outfits and their discardable packaging. Fines will go up and vehicles will be seized.

Historic? Or not!

Today is Peace Deal Signing With Iran Day, according to President Thump. But, no doubt, he has a cute explanation up his sleeve in case it doesn’t happen.
    Of course, ‘on Sunday’ doesn’t specify which Sunday.
● Iran sez no deal today.

Not sold

We’re supposed to be having a heat wave right now. Shame no  one told Weather Control where I live. And they have the wind machine set on half a gale for most of the day.

Dead bargain

Anyone with half a million quid to blow can buy a bag made of something named T-Rex leather. It was made using chicken proteins plus a dab of proteins from a T-Rex fossil found in Montana.
    It contains re-imagined dinosaur material rather than the real thing. An expert confirmed it’s not dinosaur, more chicken.

Wide open door

The concept of a Common Travel Area between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland is getting a booting in the wake of the knife attack by a Sudanese illegal in Belfast for allowing illegals roaming around the EFU to stroll across the border and into the UK unchecked to do an asylum claim.

Friday Nite

Next up, the Argonauts in Montreal on a beautiful evening. A quick opening TD for the Alouettes. A FG in reply. A 45-yard try by the Argos missed. One by the Als scored, 3-10. The Argos were held to a chip-shot FG 10 minutes in to Q2, 6-10. One for the Als, then a TD for the Argos as the half ran down. 13-all.
    A huge pass play at the start of Q3 went for a TD after a rouge for the Als, 20-14. The Als kicked a FG. One for the Argos to start Q4, 23-17. The Als shoved their way into the end zone. Blocking a punt and winning an end zone scramble gave the Als another TD! 23-30. A TD each to follow, 30-37 final.

CFL Week 2

The TigerCats were in Winnipeg in Week 2. The Blue Bombers started with a FG. A TD the other way then one for the BB at the end of Q1, 7-19. A TD for the Cats in Q2 then the defences held up until another TD for the Cats in the last 3 minutes. 21-19. No end zone DPI for the Cats, then a FG for them, 24-10.
    A FG for the Bombers 3 minutes in to Q3. Harder rain. End zone DPI by the BB, charge! from their 1, TD Cats in Q4. The BB got close, TD, 31-20. FG by the Cats with 4 minutes left. Charge from the 1, TD Bombers, 34-27. The Cats ate clock to a FG and a win, 37-27.

Union? No way!

The EFU countries are making a total bog of the new border checks for the Schengen Area. Despite belonging to what is called a Union, the individual members seem to have no definitive plan. Various countries are doing it differently due to things like lack of staff and lack of technology.
    The result is shambles with delays of four to six hours for those hoping to get the hell out of the Schengen Area.

Dead end

The IMF reckons our wonderful government has pushed dept to the limit. Our Fantasist of the Exchequer has put the UK on course for needing a bail-out from the IMF. Just like the one Sunny Jim Callaghan and Denis Healey inflicted on us in 1976.

No basis in law, but . . .

The South Wales Police farce is getting a booting for introducing its own blasphemy law by the back door. Coppers have been told to log non-crime criticism of Islam, which could be used to blight the employment and other prospects of their victims.
    Criticism of other religions is to be ignored.

Lottery win equivalent

A diver clearing up the sea bed by removing netting from a shipwreck between Tunisia and Sicilly got an unexpected bonus – the first ever film of a rare Mediterranean great white shark.
    Very few of them, the experts reckon, and no danger to tourist beaches.

Still blasting

No one in the Middle East is listening to President Thump. Iran and Israel keep popping off at each other for one reason or another. And more and more of Lebanon ends up flattened.
    The pundits are now suggesting that Thump will turn his back on the whole mess and invade Cuba to put a victory under his belt before the mid-term elections in the Untied States.

More Hippocrisy

When he wasn’t mayor Manchester, Jonah Burnbum called spending on consultants indefensible. When he got the job, he tripled the amount spent to £27 million per year. Nothing from Jonah in response to this inconvenience.

Terrorist ATM

Government departments are so useless at doing due diligence that our government is handing billions to terrorists and enemy regimes. The likes of overseas aid, cash grants to companies infiltrated by China and Put’nstan and dodgy covid loans have blown £28 BILLION over the last 6 years.

University ain’t worth it

A survey of graduates has found that under 60% have a full-time job 15 months after getting a degree. Worse, half of them are on less than the average national wage 5 years after leaving the university with a monster debt mountain.

Breaking more laws

The Chinese government is recruiting Chinese triad gangs here to do its spying, making them a national security issue. Spying on Chinese dissidents and trying to compromise MPs are on the agenda.

More public sector exclusion

The National Audit Office is taking taxpayers’ money and being allowed by the government to indulge in blatant anti-white, anti-merit discrimination. No one surprised.

Numbers game

An interesting message from a correspondent. He had a call from a mobile number; one of them Indians claiming to be from Microsoft. His computer was sending out error messages.
    “Which one?” said my correspondent “We have several here.”
    A bit more chat, another request for information on which computer was doing it, and the scammer gave up and rang off.

Good point!

It has been pointed out that Bier Smarmer can’t be missing in action as Mr. U-Turn avoids being in action all of the time.

Not delivering

The boss of the GMB trade union is giving Edstone Milipede a good booting over his Nett Zero catastrophe. Not sign of the tens of thousands of green jobs promised as the work is going to China. No danger either of a £300 reduction in energy bills.

File under ‘U’ for Uncomfortable

What sort of weirdos want to spend 3 days in an open basket with 2 others whilst flying from Maine to Luxembourg under a hydrogen balloon? One of them was a British woman with an MBE for daring ballooning feats.
    She’s the first woman to do the Atlantic crossing trip under a hydrogen balloon rather than a safer helium balloon.

Alternative future

President Thump is reported to be considering buying the Chagos Islands from Mauritius (which has no right to them) to secure the future of the US air base there. Another vote of no confidence in our wonderful Labour government.

Just useless

When it comes to Defence of the Realm, Labour is rather good at ignoring it in favour of buying benefits votes.
    It is over a year and counting since a defence review was completed and Smarmer’s Army is allegedly busy wrangling over just part of the funding for it.

Today’s Definition

Attempted murder investigation: One doomed to failure due to lack of evidence and co-operative witnesses.

Getting even worser

Those with a job will have to work 4 more days before they pay off the taxman and start making money for themself, thanks to having to pay for Labour’s growing army of benefits voters.

Meltdown

We are being threatened with another heat wave this weekend. No doubt the Met Office will be working at pace and making frantic efforts to achieve new world record temperatures.

Crime-fighting sidelined

The road to Two-Tier policing includes ‘training’ programmes by Hampshire police which were felt to be designed to make coppers feel guilty for being white and demanding they make an apology for their whiteness. The programme was heavily influenced by the death of the US criminal George Floyd.
    The fear of being accused of rachelism dominates policing in Hampshire due to the ‘training’ imposed by its senior coppers.
● Recruitment based on appearance not ability imposed from above gets a booting. As do diversity requirements based on the population spread in other areas.
● The policing attitudes which became common when Bier Smarmer was the Director of Public Prostitutions also play their part.

Quiet please

The latest cat among the pigeons is that women can do multi-tasking no better than men. The only difference is that men need to concentrate on their jobs but women can chat to someone else whilst busy.

Tax and burn

An analysis of the fall-out fromn Labour’s tax assault on the private sector has revealed that 18,000 jobs have gone in the last year. The workless count is predicted to rise from 4.8% last year to 5.5% this year as the assault continues.

Where did I last see it?

People using taxis in the UK are setting world records for leaving stuff behind, a survey has found.
    We top the US, Australia, Brazil and Canada for forgetfulness.

Yet another failure

Instead of putting 6,000 more teachers into the state education system, as guaranteed, Thievin’s VAT assault on the private sector reduced the teacher population. The government is full of excuses but there’s no getting away from the drop.

Transatlantic barney

Politicians in the Untied States are upsetting our mob by using the Southampton Slaving as the basis for demanding an end to Two-Tier policing in the West.
    Bier Smarmer, guilt button under constant assault, is also upset with Marsman Musk for reminding the world about Bier taking the knee like a complete jerk.

Phantom steps

What is a good way to pretend to be really fit? Jogging on the spot and getting someone active to wear your step-counter works. Ans so does attaching it to a pet dog, and increasing number of cheats are finding out.

Ah, but it is?

Is it really devastating to Bier Smarmer that his Defence Sec. quit over Bier and Thievin’s refusal to fund our Defence? As both of them have a record for being totally crap, it makes no difference. You can’t get worser than totally.

World Cup weary

People staying up for very late evening and night time matches across the Atlantic are expected to boost absenteeism and sick notes in the coming weeks. An estimate of the cost to employers of the sickies is a stonking £94 million aftrer Labour made sick pay payable from day one.

Labour’s customer contract

The benefits bill won’t be cut to deliver Defence spending, the government has decided. Schools, the NHS, infrastructure projects, etc. will all be trimmed a little bit instead.

Thousands of not heres

Why are the public sector not in the office, networking with colleagues? Because as well as Shirk @ Home, staff at the Bonk of England and GPs and all sorts of others are being allowed to Shirk Abroad.

Unwanted expenditure

Small boaters will cost the taxpayer £650 million over the next decade, the Home Office reckons. The cash will be thrown at a reception centre in Kent for the illegals.

Guess again

A Commons report on the asylum system has flopped. It claims that the system is nearly out of control. Wrong. It is totally out of control and there is no sign that anyone is trying to fix it.

Big Bucks

The NHS has set a new record for spending on a single drug. The fat-jab Monjo cost the taxpayer £575 million in 2025/26, four times the cost in 2024/25.
    It is being used to treat diabetes as well as o’besity, and there are lotz more potential customers to bump the record even higher.

Pothole Plan

The Fantasist of the Exchequer has a plan for increasing defence spending. It involves the UK government cutting down on its spending to leave gaps for ‘investors’ from abroad to fill.

Dosh talk

If that Simons bloke hadn’t given up his Makerfield seat to trigger a buy-election for Jonah Burnbum, he’d have been paid 300 grand before another general election falls due.
    That has to be the basis for guesses about the bung he got to stand down.

Today’s Question

What have 50% of the BierBC’s stooges been up to if they’d feel unsafe were Mr. Farage in one of the studios doing Desert Island Discos? Would they be worried that he’d expose all their guilty secrets instead of talking about himself?

Quite a question

Should the president of Oxford U.’s student union be sacked for claiming that the Hamas are great guys, who just give Israel back a bit of what that state does to the Palestinians?
    Or would we fall over in amazement if she voiced an opposite view, given the state of student attention-seekers now?

Keep calm

Another incomer appears in court charged with a knife assault. Masked men go on a wrecking the joint spree in Belfast, where the attack took place, and also Glasgow.
    Nothing helpful from the government.

Two-Tier Bier

It has been pointed out that our Prime Fantasist is doing his hypocrisy act again. He’s claiming US VP Jady Vance is interfering in British politics with his comments about the Nowak murder. This is the same Bier Smarmer who sent 100 Labour stooges to the Untied States to try to prevent D. Thump from being elected their president.

Not so honest

A Ukrainian drone strike on St. Petersburg has revealed the Putinstani Defence Ministry’s fiddle factor. When inventing a number for the total of drones shot down, the Ministry takes the total reported from the scene of the attack and multiplies it by 2.67.

Not so cease

The Israelis might have a sort of cease-fire deal with the Hezbolikers, but the slaughter of Lebanese civilians and their military continues at pace.

Defective history

The Bonkers of England’s excuse for not putting famous Brits on banknotes is that they’re not diverse enuff. Plus, putting the likes of Sir Winston Churchill on notes offends the ludicrous Left.
    Apparently, we don’t have any distinguished leaders and outstanding scientists who were a one-legged Chinese dwarf or something similar. And that’s why hedgehogs are getting the gig.

Targets

Taking a pop at a Sikh is the new hobby for the outraged. The Sikh Foundation is receiving reports of attacks every single day since Vikrum Digwa was gaoled for his random murder in Southampton.

A prosperity index?

A smack in the eye for Edstone. Some calculation by the Food and Agriculture Organization has found that people are eating six times more chicken and twice as much pork as was common in 1961. Beef consumption remains much the same.
    No recommendation from the FAO to eat less meat, though. Maybe due to the meat trade’s tiny proportion of the planetary greenhouse gas production.

Shoddy Equality

There’s a lobby claiming that we’re not getting Two-Tier policing. Everyone, equally, is getting the same lack of service and value for money and lack of respect. Right.
    And there’s an assumption that it’s rachelist if some lying bastard sez it is with no proof on offer tacked on if that gives coppers an excuse to persecute white people?

Just crazy

What is the Milipede reduced meat diet offering? Artificial analogues of meat products made abroad. Locusts and other insects mashed up and offered as protein. All sorts of chemicals added to the analogues.
    Garbage instead of real food. Welcome to the Edstone Utopia.

Smug with it

Jonah Burnbum has been caught in the act of boasting about raising the mayor’s precept component in the council tax for those in Greater Manchester. That’s more cash for him with nothing on offer in return. That’s the socialist way.

Thievin’s fall-out

The Labour war on private education has put 30,000 children at the mercy of the state sector with over 10,000 to follow. About 100 private schools have closed following the VAT grab.

Perversity without end

The Home Office; but not the Home Secretary; has been obliged to tell police chiefs directly and plainly that they are to stop treating white people as of no consequence compared to those of another ethnic origin.
    But will the soboks listen? Or will the customers continue to stay on their own tier under the current perversion of the law?

A perfect pretext

The emergence of the facts about how Henry Novak died and the police attitude toward a dying white bloke could maybe might give rioters an excuse to do their worst.
    Police chiefs everywhere are in fear and trembling about what  people in their area could pile onto the cause of holding the police to account as an excuse for wrecking the joint.

More assaults on motorists

Local councils are trying to get the government to impose a 20 mph speed limit on all built-up areas. This will alllow them to divert the cost of putting up signs to projects of more advantage to councillors and their mates, and continue to milk motorists for speeding fines.

Oh, well

Sainsbury’s, the supermarket chain, is pretending that it can Save The Planet by not selling brown eggs. Only smaller(?) white ones will be on offer. At the same price, natch.

Swindler-tech

The next big challenge for examiners is smart specs. They are usually used now for filming people without their consent, but the day will come when they will be able to display information on the inside of the lenses for the assistance of exam cheats.

Frozen solid

If the Independent Office for Police Conduct has spent the six months since the awful death of Henry Nowak investigating, how come there isn’t the normal 1,000+ page report ready and printed?
    What, if anything, has the IOPC actually achieved?

Cute Question

Q: Will A.I be able to unblock a toilet?
A: The crap that A.I produces isn’t solids and therefore not toilet-blocking, and it would also eliminate the problem by making toilet-blocking humans irrelevant and unemployable.

More asinine law

Scotland has managed to elect as an MSP, a Tamil student who isn’t a British citizen. His visa will expire at the end of the year and he should be deported. But will that happen? Joke!
● The bloke makes no secret of hating white people even though they constitute 97% of his electorate.

Dead spot

Iran has put the kybosh on Dubai, former playground of the well-off. Hotels are expecting their occupancy rates to slump to 10% in July as tourists pick alternatives well away from Iranian missles and explosive drones.
● Things are as bad as when the Chinese Plague was rampant.

The Doctor’s advice

My advice to overweight drinkers is to give the cash you spend on booze to me. That way, you will feel virtuous as well as become slimmer.

Everywhere is loved

Jonah Burnbum is passionate about Makerfield; and also the 28 other constituencies where he tried to get the squatting Labour stooge to stand down in his favour.
    Can that be spun as a qualification for being England’s Prime Fantasist, loving every part of it?

Sunset?

Is Angrier Robot a star in the wane with Nett Zero hope of ever being our Prime Fantasist?
    She was described as a destabilizing force in the Mandelsleaze Papers and she didn’t have a pal on the inside to get that sort of stuff redacted.

Erasing our history

The Bonkers of England is still determined to put animals on banknotes instead of noted humans from our glorious past.
    Thus if you find a hedgehog on your fivers next year, that’s what it’s all about.

Two-Bier Smarmer

In opposition, our Prime Fantasist railed against Tory politicians who used autodelete to remove message from their pocket phone. Guess who, as Prime Fantasist, used it to ditch messages from the Mandelsleaze.
    Not so much hippocrisy as giant dinosaurcrisy.

A modest man

It has been revealed that P. Murrell, the SNP funds snaffler, didn’t believe in flaunting his trophies. The £125K motor home had just 4 miles on the clock when the police grabbed it.

Treachery, my Lord, just that

Elsewhere, the bacon butty king Edstone Milipede is getting a booting for claiming that we need to eat less mean and dairy products to Save The Planet.
    He’s also signing us up to even more ridiculous carbon targets based on the totally dodgy data created by the Climate Change gang, but that’s nothing new.
● The only possible response to this ridiculous state nannying is FKU, Estone.

Edstone put in his box

An interesting spin-off from the Mandelsleaze Papers is that Cabinet ministers agreed with Mandelsleaze that Milipede’s Nett Zero scam isn’t working, it’s doomed to failure and Milipede’s responses to challenges are stupid.

A middle-class hobby horse?

Around 50 Labour MPs are trying to get the ban on men who claim to be female from invading women’s toilets and other single-sex spaces cancelled. Yet another of Labour’s tiers.

In the nation’s capital

Chucking it down with rain on the RedBlacks and the visiting Edmonton Antlers. Just a FG from the Ants to open the scoring toward the end of Q1. A fumble in the first minute of Q2 gave them the ball back. Nowt from it.
    Out on downs on 3rd & 1 for the RBs. A TD after 6 minutes, Fajardo pass to the end zone, 10-0. Another fumble recovery by the Ants. On to a FG. End zone DPI by the Ants, TD for the RBs, 13-7. Lauther with a FG to make it 13-10 at half time.
    FG for the Ants 5 minutes in to Q3. And again after 8 minutes, 19-10. Wow! 61 yards to the end zone for the Ants in Q4, 26-10. FG for the RBs, one for the Ants. A TD for the home team after the 3 minute warning, +2, 29-21 and final.

Grrrrr!

British women have the strongest emotions in Europe, a survey would have us believe.
    They are the angriest and they also top the charts for sadness and feeling pain.
    And as for wellbeing, they are about to drop out of the top third of the world ranking.

Our destiny – worse to worser

No snap general election if J. Burnbum gets to be our next Prime Fantasist.
    The automatic assumption from that is that he’s done a really grubby deal with the looney Left.
    The stuff about a snap election was just manoeuvring and the usual U-turn when convenient.

Bug Danger!

Woking in Surrey sounds like a good place to avoid. There is a plague of toxic caterpillars, which can cause a nasty skin rash, breathing difficulties and eye irritation if messed with.
    The caterpillars are noted for forming nose-to-tail processions on oak trees.

Today’s Question

Q: Is Jonah Burnbum a two-bob chancer?
A: Not even a two-pence one.
Editorial Note: That’s the old, large format pennies which were decimalized into o’blivion.

Wise precaution

The US has upset the World Health Organization by banning entry of people from Congo, where there is an outbreak of an ebola virus for which there is no vaccine.
    But as the virus seems to have managed to spread to Brazil, it seems like good sense to shut the border. 250 dead and counting in Africa.

We know, we know

Was it published in The Journal of the Bleedin’ Obvious, the conclusion by experts in Australia that later-born children have an easier time than their siblings? They don’t expect their parents to make them follow rules. Well, who’da thunk that!

Wot’s his alibi

PM hopeful Wee Streeting has been proving that he doesn’t pay attention in Parliament. He’s been asking farmers why they hate Labour, which clobbered family farms with monstrous inheritance tax obligations.
    Or maybe he was too busy messing with his pocket phone to know why he was drifting into and out of the voting lobby to support the mugging half a dozen times.

Good bet

The UK’s leading pollster reckons Reform UK is a good pick for winning the next general election. Their voters agree with what they stand for rather than being a gang of fickle protesters against some other party.
● Wokists are really great recruiters for Reform.

“If I tell you three times, it’s a lie.”

Nobody is surprised that the BierBC had to pull an episode of Newsnight from its iPlayer after the stooge host misquoted N. Farage three times. No danger of the bad guy being sacked, though.

More Labour waste

The unnecessary Makerfield bye-election; called for the convenience of Jonah Burnbum, and the unnecessary election for a new cosmetic Manchester mayor will waste £5 million of taxpayers’ dosh.
    No chance of the Labour party and its trade union backers paying the bill for these shenannygoats, though.

And again!

Next, the Blue Bombers in Calgary on Friday. First blood to the BB in the 11th minute, plus a rouge from the kick off, 8-0. The Stampeders hit the end zone early in Q2, 8-7. The Stamps stopped the Bombers, a bomb pass from V. Adams got them close, roughing the passer, TD, 8-14. End zone DPI, TD for the Bombers, 15-14. End zone pass, another rouge for the BB, 16-21 at half time.
    The BB went ahead with a TD and a rouge in Q3, 24-21. The Stamps fumbled the ball away; but got it back! In Q4, a short FG for the BB. The Stamps got to the BB 3 in the 13th minute, TD scamper by Adams, 27-28. FG for the BB, 30-28 final.

It’s back!

That’s the CFL, starting with the Montreal Als in Hamilton. If you can get bloody ViewTube to stop telling you that you’re off-line when you’ve just connected to their website!
    DPI helped the TigerCats to an opening TD. They added a FG early in Q2, 0-10. The Als came back with a TD.  Another big pass play got them to 10-all at half time? Nope, the Cats bashed in for a TD with 4 seconds left. 10-17.
    More leaky Als defence, another TC TD in Q3. One back via a pick for the Als, 17-24. A bomb pass got them cliose at the start of Q4, TD, 24-all. A FG for the Cats. One for the Als at the end of regular time. Overtime as a bonus.
    The Cats lost the ball in their OT opener, the Als kicked a FG for a 30-27 win!

Keep the cash flowing

Bier Smarmer thinks it’s a great idea not to check whether benefits customers are entitled to their hand-outs. As a result, people who now get a benefit for 9 months before being assessed again will be able to collect it for 4 years, even if they no longer qualify.
    This is what passes for normal procedure in Smarmerland.

So, there!

Wee Burney Sturgeon is upset by people going on about her husband’s decade of rootin’, tootin’, lootin’ of SNP funds to buy luxury goods. And it’s not her fault that she didn’t notice her husband filling the house with boggo rollos and bottled water during the Chinese Plague attack when she was ordering Scotland not to stockpile such essentials.

Sense from a politician

Wee Streeting, ex-Health Sec., is running a campaign to replace Bier involving having a go at Edstone Milipede’s delusion that the rest of the world is hanging on his every bit of Nett Zero lunacy. Exploit the North Sea treasures, sez Wee.
    Wee also takes exception to Thievin’s tax the economy into the ground policies.

It will go with a Thump!

The President of the Untied States is threatening to headline the festivities marking the 250th anniversary of the end of America’s First Civil War. He reckons he can do a much better job than the gaggle of faded pop stars who have decided not to be there.

More nonsense

Shops selling vapes have access to a scam for fast-tracking visas for skilled foreign workers – even though the staff of such shops are nothing like highly skilled.
    This is a joke being exploited by organized crime. Will the government do anything about it? Another joke.

Great deal

President Thump got Israel and the Hezbolikers to dial back on their of destruction in Southern Lebanon. An essential condition appears to be that no one notices all the shooting and bombing going on and embarrasses the combatants by talking about it.

All change!

The new Health Sec., J. Murray, is out of the same box as Bier Smarmer and given to U-turns. His first is admitting that blokes who claim they’re female are still blokes.

The law don’t matter to cops

Is there any danger of sackings in the upper ranks of the Gwent police after blokes claiming to be women were given access to female spaces? Joke. Still, some cash for the lawyers if women’s rights activists go ahead with a threat to sue.

It’s unwinnable

The more Mandelsleaze stuff the government releases, the louder the yells of “Cover up!” get and the bigger the guess of what all this has cost the staxpayer.
    Labour fights like rats in a sack behind the scenes and envies everyone else. That’s the main conclusion from the mess. Plus the party’s main obsession is who to tax next to pay off its benefits voters.

Mutual distrust

Drunken yobs who cause havoc on a flight can be banned by the airline concerned but data protection prevents the creation of a universal blacklist to warn other airlines.
    The government is trying to do something about this, and facing opposition from civil liberties campaigners, who seem to think that if yobs can be banned, they could be next.

Entitlement on steroids

Jonah Burnbum is being compared to sometime Labour leader Neil Kinnock, whose air of entitlement got the blame for Labour’s failure to win the 1992 general election. Jonah is also being clobbered for making a policy pronouncement then changing his mind a few days later before another audience.
    He’s also making himself unpopular with Labour MPs who will lose their seat in the snap general election which Jonah is threatening.

The New Dictionary

Sinnergogue (n) place where sinners go to pretend they didn’t.

Dimmocks

Meteor-bluddy-ological summer from a Met Office that can’t deal with a season starting three weeks into the month. It puts them in the same box as astrology, which conveniently ignores where the constellations actually are.

Beware!

Bad news for 20- and 30-year-old illegals who claim to be teenagers and are believed by gullible immigration stooges. A.I is to be used to spot the ones who are lying to spare the looney Left from having to go into a fit of spurious outrage at the exposure.

Unrealistic grabbers

Surprisingly, the antics of the juvenile docs have not wiped out all their support. When they began their antics in 2023, they had the support of one-half of the customers.
    That’s now down to a bit more than one-third still backing them with another episode of striking in the middle of this month to come.

Wishful Thinking

Will it be a day of shame for Wee Burney Sturgeon if she’s hauled in front of a gang of MPs at Westminster to be quizzed about the SNP embezzlement scandal?
    “No comment!” for as long as it takes. Job done.

Groan

The Nar Stibas Terds are at it again. They’re raking up details of the activities of the Royal Family and their properties, tossing in Prince Andrew’s name and inviting everyone to simulate as much outrage as they can manage.

Definitely Two-Tier policing

The Home Sec. has decided that the violence erupting from the demo against Southampton Police was ‘unacceptable’.
    Does that mean as unacceptable as the treatment which the dying student Henry Nowak received from members of that police force?
● No sign of Bier Smarmer and Angrier Rainer taking the knee for the innocent Mr. Nowak, as they did so eagerly for a dead American criminal. Whites don’t have Rights?
● No sign of Bier in the Commons chamber when the Home Sec. was spouting.

Mobile market

Drug dealers are facing competition for loose cash from gangs flogging unlicenced fat-jabs. Secret labs are brewing up the drugs and packaging them. An oufit called the MRHA is on the job of tracking them down.

The verdict

Jonah Burnbum wants to get rid of inequality. Alas, he wants to do it by making everyone else poor by transferring all their wealth to his gang.
● Whom will envious socialists envy if the rich emigrate and who will pay for Labour’s benefits clients if the rich take their money with them?

Grab the lot

Is was rather apt of President Ne10yahoo to reveal when in the Occupied Territories on the banks of the River Jordan that he’s on the way to doing the same in Gaza.
    Israel occupies 60% of that bit of Palestinian territory now. The next step is 70%. On the way to 100%, no doubt, and buffer zones in the best bits of Gaza as more Israeli settlements.

Definitions, definitions

Israel is to observe its cease fire with Lebanon as long as no one notices it continuing to blast and bomb the FK out of the south of the country.

Politician only privilege?

Bier Smarmer is never slow to seek attention by commenting about things that are nothing to do with him, his job or the UK. So how come he gets bent out of shape when Marsman Musk dares to show lack of appreciation of the coppers who handcuffed a dying student on a false rachelism charge.

Shame, Jonah

Reform UK’s latest Makerfield booting for the mascara-mushed mayor of Greater Manchester is about his grooming gang record. Jonah has been involved in a conspiracy of silence and institutional avoidance of the whole ishue, Reform reckons.
    Worse, he has turned away from the victims, according to the former DC and whistle-blower, Maggie Oliver.

U turn if you want to

Labour has done a bunk on its manifesto pledge to give teenagers the full minimum wage, even if they’re not worth it. It has been pushed back to 2030 at the earliest, which is outwith the span of the current Parliament. Dodgy, or what!

Information Break

Unfair: a description used by politicians when describing the assets of other people which the politician and/or his/her minions and/or his/her supporters have been unable to steal or otherwise cause to vanish.

This would work

Dialogue for a T.J. Hooker episode:
Shopworker: “Will this be cash or charge?” said with a bnright smile.
Customer: “It will be gun and run.” Hauls out a .357 Magnum revolver to drive the point home.

Menace

People using an e-scooter are working at pace to set new world records for deaths and injuries on the roads, from which they are banned.

Better candidate for the job

Increasing numbers of people think we need to make the US Ambassador, W. Stephen, our Prime Minister.
    Unlike the present dimmock, he has a positive view of Britain and our achievements, and he thinks Betraying Brexit is a really terrible idea.

The war against motorists

20 mph speed limit zones have created a new world record of 5.6 million points on driving licences in 2025, many for very minor infractions.

Just what we need

The Home Office is buying bigger boats for the Border Farce cross-Channel taxi service. The new ones can import some 80 illegals at a time.
    No one surprised.

Not a hazard we’re warned about

What do you get if you put solar panels on a new-built £500K house? The roof on fire on a hot Bank Holiday Monday!

Foot dragging

Members of our wonderful Labour Cabinet have dragged out the Mandelsleaze investigation by going deaf suddenly.
    Investigators have had to go on and on at them to get hold of their Mandelsleaze Messages.

Another betrayal?

The current Health Sec. is on the spot. Last year’s daft set of recommendations from the commission investigating prostate cancer screening is now final and the verdict is ‘don’t do it’.
    There is outrage everywhere and it will land on the Health Sec. if he chooses to accept rather than bin the decision.

More of it?

Not good news for the test for Alzheimer’s that works. Will it be binned as something else digging into Labour’s welfare budget?

Dodgy to the max

How convenient that the SNP bank account burglaries didn’t get to court until after the Scottish Parliament elections. Nothing like telling the voters the full truth about the competence of the people after their votes.
    Nothing at all like.

Patient = happy

The secret of wellbeing has been cracked, experts at Oxford University have decided. It’s being able to go with the flow, enjoy life when things work out and not get bent out of shape when some bastard screws everything up.

Nowhere hear the mark

“What she is guilty of is a remarkable lack of curiosity” has been said about Wee Burney Sturgeon by a sometime SNP MP. Wrong. Not just Wee Burney, the whole management of the SNP, including Mr. Swinney, need a good booting on this ishue.

An accomplished thief

The monk who was the head of the Shaolin Temple in China has put P. Murrell, Wee Burney Sturgeon’s ex, in the shade.
    Shi Yongxin managed to snaffle the equivalent of $40 million over two decades before being busted in 2025.
    He now has board and lodgings courtesy of the state for the next 24 years.

Danger! Sunbed!

A parliamentary committee with a wellbeing brief is recommending that sun beds be treated like tobacco and decorated with horrible pictures of skin cancers as an awful warning of the effects of excessive use.

Pet poisoners

It’s not just young children that anti-social meeja are bad for. Vets and animal charities are concerned about the numbers of allegedly grown-up people who are taking advice for pet treatment from the internet. A big worry is unqualified influenzers recommending the use of human drugs such as paracetamol, which are toxic to animals.

Edit, edit, edit

Mr. Alias, the honcho of the green grotters, reckons he has no problems with people knowing stuff about him. As long as he can pick and choose, and as long as he can delete stuff such as his failure to pay council tax whilst he was living on his canal barge.

White lives don’t matter

Police in Southampton handcuffed a dying white student after his killer lied to them about receiving rachelist insults. No mass marches and streets blocked anywhere, though, as the killer was a Sikh. Anything Asians do, including the Manchester Airport attacks by those thuggish Indian origin brothers, is okay now.

Fantasy world

Apparently, Labour has an obsession with talking about ‘the story’. Are we expected to believe fairy tales now? Or is it illegal not to? We should be told.

Keep on guessing

President Thump is gearing up to make a final decision on a peace deal with Iran. Which means he’s either going to make a deal or he isn’t. Which leaves everyone guessing. As they are supposed to.

Education disaster

Stoke-on-Trent city council (Labour) is getting a booting for painting a SCHOOL – KEEP CLEAR sign on the road in front of a row of houses. There was a school on the site once, but it closed down 15 years ago. But did no one tell the council?

No escape

Oxford’s congestion zone and low-traffic scams have resulted in fines being issued to 13 dead motorists, a survey has found. Getting them to sign a cheque to pay the penalty would have been a real bugger.

Panic!!

The gorbal warmage alarmists are wetting their pants over dodgy predictions about what the El Niño phenomenon in the Pacific is about to do. 2027, they would have us believe, will be the hottest in the whole history of the universe.
    Everyone will melt, especially those who can’t afford Milipede-inflated electricity to run air-conditioning coolers; unless we all heave $millions and $billions into the pockets of the GWAs.

Will history repeat?

The current leader of the SNP is getting a booting for not having an investigation into how Wee Burney Sturgeon’s husband was able to loot £400K from the party’s funds. So he’s not bothered about someone abusing the lax system similarly?

Grab, grrr, grab

The juvenile docs will be leaping out on strike in the middle of June. All they want is a modest 24% pay rise on top of the 34% they’ve had over the last 4 years.

And so it goes on

President Thump sez: “Iran has made a deal.” Iran sez: “That’s bollocks.” Iran sez: “President Thump has made a deal.” To which Thump replies: “That’s bollocks.”

Tortured quibble

Does Ferrari’s half million quid electric super car look like a Nissan car costing 36 grand? Well, in the picture on offer, it has the same number of wheels and the bodywork is the same colour, more or less.

Fighting dirty

How do you get a no-parking message across to motorists who invade your fields in Cumbria? Spray the vehicles with slurry, is one farmer’s answer.
    Good business for the local car wash, too!

J.B delivers B.S

According to failed politician Jonah Burnbum, failed PM tony b. liar doesn’t understand people’s lives. But if all Jonah understands is how to wreck lives with looney Left policies, that hardly makes him worth anything.
● The Makerfield election has put Burnbum in a U-turn match with Serbia Smarmer as a result of Jonah’s collisions with reality.

Corporate B.S clunks

Using business jargon is a sign of lack of intelligence, the experts have concluded. When the dimmie says something like “working at pace” or “thinking outside the box”, the mouth is making noises but the brain is unlikely to know what it’s talking about and its owner is likely to make bad decisions.

The Numbers Game

Labour policies will put one in six young people on benefits by the end of the decade. This is caused by the high cost of living plan which is being used to reduce the birth rate making young people unemployable in the private, unsubsidized sector.

Today’s Question

Which cars are more explosive, the ones shown in American TV cop shops such as T.J. Hooker or the electric bombs on the roads today? Not much in it.

Highway hazard

What do you get if you pay 43 grand for a Volvo electric car? One you can’t get into multiple times if the key stops working, one that can burst into flames if you charge the battery to more than 70% of its capacity and one you can’t leave unattended whilst charging or parked in a covered area in case it burst into flames.
    This is what the likes of Edstone Milipede calls progress.

Silence on the scams

Wee Burney Sturgeon is being compared to a Mafia boss after the revelation that she did seven hours of no comments when interviewed after she and her husband were raked in over the SNP’s missing £400,000. This was apparently her idea of co-operating fully with the polis.
● Current SNP leader J. Swinney is in no-comment mode about Burney.

Grotters totter

The rank and file of the party don’t want the green grotters involved in the Makerfield bye-election. The party has had to bin its original choice of candidate for anti-Semitism. His replacement is a woman on maternity leave, which is a rather peculiar choice. An exodus of green grotter members to come?

They’re all at it

Restore, the off-shoot rival to Reform, is being clobbered with anti-Semitism charges of the sort usually directed at Labour and the rest of the looney Left.
    Is this equality and diversity in action?

A highly valuable UK asset

A report on Prince Andrew’s performance as a trade envoy in the first decade of the present century has surfaced to upset the usual suspects mightily. He was rated as doing a grand job! And the government agreed.

Still hope

It has been suggested that writers will become extinct as many of them are too busy messing about with a pocket phone to be productive. But hey, no worries.
    There are millions of books worth exploring now and real writers will continue to produce a trickle of works with a contemporary setting using the traditional plot devices.

Moonshine

NASA is planning to spend $20 billion on creating a super city-size base on the Moon over the next six years. It will be powered by nuclear and solar-sourced energy, and the plan is never to give up on the Moon again and use it as a staging post for a Mars mission.

Fuel theft 2

The Fantasist of the Exchequer was forced to bin a 5p/litre fuel duty rise. She’s now planning to sneak in a 3p/litre rise in January and hope no one will notice.

Fuel theft 1

Petrol stations are having to rely on their own CCTV security systems to identify drivers who zoom off without paying. The police are not interested and 95% of the bad guys are safe from them.

Clothears rides again!

“Our Health and Osiris correspondent . . .”
    Sounds like an extremely interesting job. I wonder what the qualifications are?

Toxic trend

Influenzers are getting a booting for persuading people that running is cool and swamping the NHS with knee injuries as the mugs don’t realize they need to limber up first before they go on a serious run.

Oh, really?

The Pope has decided that A.I is a bad idea and a threat to the future of his customers.
    But are the people making godzillions of bucks out of the industry likely to take any notice? Or the control freaks in China and Put’nstan?

The real ishue

What’s the Makerfield election all about really? The vanity of the stumblebums who are doing all the attention-seeking. Exactly the wrong people we want as MPs with the power to wreck our lives comprehensively.

Nothing blown up

President Thump has come up with a cute way to sideline the Strait of Hormuz ishue. He’s bullying Arab leaders over their relations with Israel knowing none of it will get him anywhere.

Rather unproductive effort

A think tank has concluded that prices shoot up after a crisis, such as the Iran war or a deadleg government disaster, and they just drift down a little bit over a period of years if at all. No one impressed by something that’s obvious to the rest of us.