Wednesday, 28 September 2011

What a con job!

A bloke who had his van stolen tracked it down to a traveller site, went to the police and was told that the coppers were too frightened to retrieve what was left of the stolen van. Which shines a penetrating light on current police tactics.
    Some PR spiv has obviously told our chief constables that if they let their police “services” appear weak, feeble and totally useless, people will stop reporting crimes because it will be a complete waste of time.
    There will be some adverse publicity at first but, eventually, the apparent crime rate will drop and the Chief Cons will be able to say, “Look what big things we’re achieving despite the cuts.” [The cuts that haven’t happened yet, that is] And demand lots more dosh to get the crime rate down to zero.
    Will anyone fall for this shabby trick? The Coalition probably will.

Monday, 26 September 2011

All that money, not much delivery.

You have to wonder about NASA. They have all these tracking stations around the world, they get billions of dollars from the US taxpayer, but when it came to working out where the obsolete Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite would enter the atmosphere and (mainly) burn up, they didn’t have a clue. About all they were sure about was that it wouldn’t land on the good old US of A because God’s Country wasn’t under the track of the satellite.
    In fact, the only way they knew that the UARS fell into the sea (probably) was that no one tried to sue them for being hit by debris. Not that there weren’t a lot of people trying to help them out. Including all the people who claimed they’d seen bits of satellite landing in areas which weren’t under its flight path!

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Yeah, right!

One of the staff showed me an interesting story in the Daily Disaster yesterday. A couple of clowns were putting forward the proposition that Gordon Brown might just be the man to save the world from financial ruin. This is at a time when Eddie "He's Talking" Balls is claiming that HE was in charge of the economy when the Broon Beastie was the Chancellor and he was expert at bamboozling Gordon into doing what he wanted. So if Broon blundering at Balls' direction destroyed the British economy, could Broon blundering on his own unaided save the world? Never in a zillion years!

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Planet Conference

They might be called Trivial Democraps but you kind of wonder how long the Tory back-benchers are going to stand for them slagging off the party that gave them a taste of power and blaming everything bad on the Tories and pretending they deserve the credit for anything good that happens. Can’t wait for the Tory conference to see how much reciprocity slips past good old Dave’s storm troopers!

Friday, 16 September 2011

Shot in the foot!

Well, you have to laugh. The banks have been moaning about having to separate their casino gambling division from the dosh belonging to sensible customers and telling everyone it’s totally unnecessary. Then some clown of a rogue trader sinks a Swiss bank with a £1,300,000,000 loss because he was able to beat their system and go crazy. Which leaves banks everywhere looking stupid. What a pity. Still, I didn’t have any cash in UBS, so what am I worried about?

Monday, 12 September 2011

Yeah, I’d pay to see that in 2012!

Hold the phone! The staff have come up with a new Olympic sport. During today’s gales, they’ve been hauling empty wheely bins to the top of a low hill and seeing how far the gusts take them. The world record at the moment is far enough into the lower lake to need a boat to rescue it.

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Give the blighter a chance!

Why is it bad for Mayor Boris that he was in a camper van in the Rockies when riots broke out in London? Is he supposed to be psychic, or something? And what about the staff, whose job it is to know what’s happening on the ground because London’s mayor doesn’t have the time to hang around on street corners and wobble through all the social networking wastes of time?

Monday, 5 September 2011

Oh, dear!

Some of our local urban terrorists have come up with a good way to embarrass the council. They’ve posted an on-line map of potholes, and highlighted the fact that there are suspiciously few on the streets where councillors and overpaid council officials live.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

No hiding place? Joke!

Where is the Gadaffy person hiding? Is he in a tunnel, or a sewer, or even in one of the irrigation pipes which bring water millions of miles from deep under the Sahara? That’s one of the advantages of being a dictator for as long as 42 years – you get the chance to put infrastructure in place to make it nigh on impossible for anyone to find you when the regime eventually goes tits up.