Further down the drain

Our Prime Fantasist’s move to create more mayors around the country and make them increasingly powerful is seen as a logical extension of Labour’s endemic desire to spread corruption and cronyism everywhere. Does Jonah have an answer to the charge?

The Name Game

President $thump, the man who can make a deal with anyone apart from Canada, is threatening the rename Lake Ontario, which sits betwen the Untied States and its northern neighbour.
    It will become Lake America, as far as he’s concerned, on his anti-social meeja site. And the change will be ignored by everyone who’s not one of $thump’s minions.

Crunch!

The Lions were in the nation’s capital to close Week 13. 2 and out for the winless RedBlacks. A FG for the Lions. The Lions were pinned deep, and a pass attempt was pickd! 2nd and goal from the BC 10, TD! 3-7. Then a sack for the RB, punt. 3rd & goal to start Q2, pick by the Lions.
    Another pick by the RB. Dive from the BC 1, 3-14. DPI got the Lions close, TD, 10-14. More DPI, from the RB 2, another TD, 17-14. The RB got to FG range, 17-all.
    Dive for another TD by the Lions in Q3. Great TD scamper by the RB, 49 yards, 24-all. Another TD for BC. Then a pick to give them the ball in Q4. Fumbled to the RB but just a punt by them. Another BC TD, 38-24. 4th TD for No. 34, 45-24 final.

File under ‘D’ for Distraction

Attempts are being made to blame A.I systems for the high rate of youth unemployment. We are invited to believe that A.I will screen them out of lists of job applicants [because that’s the way the programming goes?] rather than everything being the fault of our wonderful government for putting the kybosh on recruitment with excessive employment taxes on the private sector.

Pragmatic, or what!

A hospital in North Devon has closed its maternity ward, forcing customers to make a 2-hour journey to Exeter to give birth. But to compensate, they are being offered lessons in how to do it in a car parked at the roadside if they can’t make it all the way to Exeter.

Just a gesture?

The West Midlands police have been shamed into reversing their decision to ignore illegal influenzing at polling stations during the May council elections. But will anything come of it?

Slow crawl city

Totally broke Birmingham’s leftie council is hoping to banish private motor cars from its streets with 20 mph speed limits; plus the stonking rip-off fines; everybloodywhere. And private cars won’t be allowed in the city centre for shopping trips.

No way

13 years after saying no to joining the EFU, Iceland has done it again. Protecting the economically vital fishing industry won out over the chance to join the eurozone and hurl vast amounts of money into the EFU’s Brown Hole of waste and corruption.

The Price

What we really would like to know is who paid Angrier Robot over one-hundred grand during her period of penance out of the Cabinet as a failed tax dodger. What they expect to get for all that cash, and how much it will cost the rest of us.

Busy Saturday 2

The Argonauts took their opener to a TD in Regina. Close for the RoughRiders, TD in the 14th minute. A sack for the RR in Q2. Another TD for the Argos but the PAT missed, 13-7.
    The Argos kicked a FG with 3 minutes left. A try by the RR missed. Close in the last minute, TD for the Argos, the PAT blocked and taken all the way to their end zone, 2 for the RR! Then a FG at 0:00, 22-12.
    A FG for the Riders in Q3. Kelly flattened by the RR defence, Arbuckle on. A TA FG try missed. Close for the Riders, Nothing. A pick at the end of Q3 gave them the ball again. Close again in Q4, TD this time, but a missed PAT, 22-21. A sack in the RR end zone gave the Argos a safety. Close again for the RR, defensive offside on a 3rd down, Charge! 24-28. All defence to the end.

Wonderful return

Installing solar panels will save £100/year in electricity costs. Which means that the system will pay for itself in 80 to 140 years, depending on the type of system chosen.
    Think you can live that long?

Busy Saturday 1

The TigerCats visited Calgary on a beautiful day. The Stamps were held to an opening FG. The Cats replied with a 51-yard TD. The Stamps were sacked to a FG, 7-6.
    A Stampeder sack in Q2 held the Cats to a FG. A 45-yarder for the Stamps, 10-9. Their next FG try missed. One for the Cats scored, 13-8. A TD in the last minute of the half put the Stamps 13-16 up.
    A failed attempt to throw the ball away gave it to the Cats, on to a TD from the next play. Sack, punt. The Cats drove into Q4. Sack for the stamps, FG by the Cats, 20-19. And another. A 47-yarder for the Stamps, 23-22. Punt by the Cats. A 49-yard TD run by the Samps, no +2, 23-28. A sack by the Stamps then a Fail Mary picked. The end.

Ongoing problem

Newspaper correspondents will keep on recalling that our Prime Fantasist pledged that he would end rough sleeping when he was the cosmetic mayor of Manchester, but failed to do so. Which is not much of a confidence builder for his pledge to end it in the whole of England.

Pollution zone

Lake Windermere is among the health hazards created by water companies releasing sewage into rivers and other waterways.
    United Utilities is working hard to create a plan to divert waste water and highway run-off away from this iconic lake.

Not a lot on offer

Iceland has had another referendum to decide whether to join the EFU scam. This would involve losing the fishing industry on which the national economy depends, and open the country to a flood of illegal immigrant scroungers.

Private only soon

England has become full of dental deserts as practices abandon the NH/S. Only 56% of the 10,000 or so practices offer NHS services now.

It goes on

Jonah Burnbum is keen to subsidise students from the EFU with our cash as part of Labour’s campaign to Betray Brexit. He talks about strengthening ties with Brussels. Translation: giving the EFU more cash for nothing in return.

File under ‘W’ for Weird

Three police farces in England have issued two ID cards to some of their coppers; male and female IDs; so that they can show the appropriate card for whatever gender they’re feeling on a particular day. ‘Concerning and absurd’ is the view of people with working brain cells; something which the senior coppers issuing the twin IDs clearly lack.

Grey Skies

Life under a Labour government is now so grim that 14% of the population have been on prescriptions for antidepressants for the last 12 months.

Lots of action

No more Thursday games, the Alouettes in Winnipeg on Friday. Close for the Blue Bombers, Charge! to a TD. One for the Als after 11 minutes. Charge! from the MA 1 to start Q2, 7-14.
    The Als to the BB 10, equalizing TD. Back on top for the Bombers. Then a FG, 14-24. Alexander found a receiver, who ducked out of a tackle, on to the end zone, 21-24. Collards made a pass to the MA 1, dropped, grabbed by the Als! An Al punt blocked, Charge! for a TD, 21-31.
    Alexander sacked and dinged in Q3, the BB grabbed the ball at the second chance. FG halfway through, 21-34. The BB drove into Q3, FG, 21-37. Another TD with 5 minutes to go, 21-44.  The one-loss Als heading for 2. An Al TD with 2 minutes left. 28-44, final after the Als went out on downs in the last minute.

The real blameholders

The main reason for the rise in the energy price cap is the international price of gas.
Translation: Labour’s refusal to exploit offshore gas resources is to blame but we’re not allowed to notice this example of the bleedin’ obvious.

Off-Piste Pain

There was a moan in the paper about the council tax on a Band D house in Wandsworth being less than that for a Band A house Up North. But no mention of how the now ousted Labour lot kept the council tax low by digging a ginormous Brown Hole of debt.

Obvious explanation

If you haven’t been getting as much rain as the Met Office’s storm warnings have been threatening you with, have patience.
    Weather Control has been saving it up to give you a good soaking on Bank Holiday Monday.

Another Mr. U-Turn

J. Healey flounced out of the Defence Sec. job when Bier Smarmer refused to raise spending to 3% of GDP. Now, as Chancellor, he has gone along with binning the idea.
    He has evidently realized that buying benefits votes is more important than the Defence of the Realm; as far as keeping his job and his status are concerned.

Round & round they go

The existence of an apparent make-work scam at the Houses of Parliament has been revealed. Well documented works of art are moved around until no record of their exact whereabouts remains. Then the audit staff leaps into action; at great expense to the rest of us; to make a show of looking for the lost treasure.
    Meanwhile, more works fall into the pit of obscurity to ensure their continued employment.

File under ‘S’ for Success

Hosepipe bans are deemed to be a success if there is a rise in the number of people in the area needing the services of an osteopath to repair a back done in by lugging a heavy watering can around a large garden.

also File under ‘A’ for Abuse

The Labour plan for a politicaly motivated mansion tax will include legal powers letting minions snoop around in any dwelling they think could be certified as a mansion so that the maximum amount of cash can be extracted and wasted.

Evil Axis Exercises

China is helping hackers from other enemy countries to get practice in closing down electricity and water supplies in Western countries. Small ones to start, bigger later?

The Golden Pince Nez

There was Sherlock Holmes investigating a case with an invalid professor on the Legend channel. Invalid? Not valid? That’s something that goes through your mind now. And gosh! The professor was anything but valid!

File under ‘A’ for Abuse

The Home Office is useless. This has been confirmed yet again by the revelation that a door which should have been closed in 2021 is still open. 215,000 EFU-source migrants have come to the UK coz the Home Office is still accepting ‘late applications’ for the scam.

Another Brown Hole

Shirk @ Homers employed by HMRC are not only excused travelling costs, they also have heating bills paid by the taxpayer. More millions wasted if the rest of the snivel service is included in the S@H count.

Scrapegoated

Dippy Dave Lammy is getting the blame for putting our Prime Fantasist in touch with the phone scammer who was pretending to be President $thump’s top aide. No one surprised.

Tainted trophy

Some anti-England mug had paid £2.5 million for the ball used by the Argie football cheat D. Maradona to swindle England out of the 1986 World Cup.

The Jonah Effect

The o’sexuals will be back parading on the streets of Manchester this weekend. The firm that organized them went bust under the previous deadleg of a mayor.

Standard issue

There’s only one type of lightning in the Untied States. You see the same distinctive double-fork flash in everything from the Addams Family to the $6 Million Man.

Demolition Agenda

The Labour party is going to shed 100,000 North Sea oil and gas jobs by 2050. Nothing is on offer in the way of alternative jobs of equal value to the nation, of course.
● Add on 440,000 lost jobs in the industry’s supply chain.

No sort of expert

Why is Jonah Burnbum so keen to go back to the 1970s? It was a time when everything was done for him, when he was a baby and then a primary school kid.
    He has no useful memories of what getting through life back then was all about. All he has is Labour’s rosy fantasies, which the rest of us don’t share.

Today’s Word

The word: balarky (n)
The meaning: a combination of baloney and malarky. The most common source is politicians wishing to distract attention from something they have done which is shameful and, probably, to their profit.

We ain’t fooled

The government is still trying to blame record energy prices on foreign wars and climate change which we’re not causing and other things beyond our control like global prices.
    But we know it’s down to the insane Milipede Nett Zero scam, the failure to exploit our oil and gas reserves and total incompetence.

Hip, Hip, Hippocrisy

Angular Robot used to say that MPs shouldn’t be allowed to make money on the side when she wasn’t. After more than doubling her salary since she got the boot from the Cabinet for her failed tax dodge, she must be really glad that no one who makes the rules was listening to her.

Rigged ballots

It has taken Birmingham City Council 3 months to reveal that there were attempts to subvert secret balloting at 50 polling stations during the May council elections. As has become expected, the police are doing nothing about it.

More bashing

Conservative controlled councils in the London area are complaining of a Burnbum Penalty following his assault on their finances and the huge council tax rises to pay for Burnbum’s devolution scam.

Bashing through the buffers

Buying benefits votes for Labour costs taxpayers £1 billion per day at the current rate. Add on Jonah Burnbum’s spending splurge to buy popularity and the coming Budget will lift the cost of government borrowing through the roof.

Con job?

Questions are being asked about our Prime Fantasist’s tour of the UK doing opinion research. The conclusion is that if he won’t publish an itinerary, it’s just a scam to let him take a day trip to have a skive somewhere he fancies.

One way to do it

Q: What’s a good way to embarrass the ousted (Labour) leader of Wandsworth council; the one that has a ginormous Brown Hole of debt?
A: Rummage through his emails and reveal how many hundreds of thousands of pounds he blew on things of no value to the council taxpayers.

Different Strokes

Apparently, in Belgian academic circles, it’s a sacking offence to dare to notice and report plagiarism carried out by someone of a different racial origin to yourself.

Tactical switch

President $thump has come up with a new strategy for defeating Iran. Economic sanctions. They will crush his enemies and they are a lot cheaper than trying to bomb the FK out of a country.

File under ‘F’ for Failure

A.I companies are unable to create bots which can cope with regional accents. Patients in Yorkshire are finding it impossbile to contact their GP if they come up against a bot.
    Being told by the bot-bods to ask to speak to a human being just compounds the problem.

File under ‘S’ for Sackworthy

No danger of our wonderful government revealing how much of our cash it blew on a booklet telling illegals that rape is illegal here. Knowing that those who could read it probably won’t, and none of them will take any notice of this pointless gesture, just compounds the crime.

Welcome worn out

The informed opinion seems to be that Prince Hairy & Co. have lost their novelty factor in the Untied States. They did their ‘look how badly we were treated in England’ routine, and there was nothing to follow it up.
    And even worse, they started to be lampooned on popular cartoon shows, and it will get worser if they stay in the USA.
● 21% of the population of the UK will be welcoming them back.

Her fault

The schools minister, L. Powell, is getting the blame for Prince Hairy’s return to England. Her campaign to destroy all the good schools has failed and there are still some left which are fit to educate the Sussexes’ kids.

Be advised

When a theatre issues a warning to potential audience members that the cast might be doing something as trivial as handling food on stage, it’s not a trigger warning. It’s content guidance. Which is something completely different.
    How very Monty Python!

Today’s Question

How thrilled are we at the thought of having to pay £5 million per year (plus inflation) for security to prevent Prince Hairy from being done in by some attention-seeker?

Today’s Thought

He-men don’t want anything to do with broadband. Why would they be interested at something aimed at broads?

Nice earner

What, I wonder, is going to happen to the S400 million extracted from TikTok by the US Dept. of Justice for violating federal children’s privace laws? Will it go to the violated kids? Or will it just vanish into the government’s melting pot?

No one safe!

Somali pirates have hijacked one of Put’nstan’s shadow fleet of oil tankers. Cue a bit of bombing or drones + missles to show them the error of their ways?

Rapid exposure

A month into the job of Prime Fantasist, as the nation waits to find out when and where his next holiday will be, Jonah Burnbum’s M.O is now clear. He tells people to their faces that he will make everything great.
    Then, when he has buried his head in the sand again at one of his bunkers, a minion gets the job of telling the meeja there won’t be the cash for it.

Not much of a recommendation

One hopeful for the job of leader of the Labour gang in the Scottish Parliament is bragging that he’s the only candidate with experience of being a leader. He was boss of South Lanarkshire council for a while. Where he presided over a culture of bullying and cronyism and secrecy, it has been revealed.

Nobody’s pal

President $thump is making himself popular with the neighbours again. Canada failed to give him what he wanted in trade talks and he slapped 50% tariffs on a range of items imported into the Untied States. Canada will respond in kind.
    At least he didn’t offer to bomb the sh1t out of them!

Sheer perversity?

The government is getting a booting for refusing to reveal where foreign salmonella-loaded eggs are coming from.
    Buy British and buy local is a really good idea.

Independent recycling

Familiarity can have many forms. A 1987 novella in the Infinite Stars collection started on what felt like familiar ground. It began with a plot device which I remember from a collection of short stories written in 1980. And diverged almost right away. And the setting of the earlier story was rather grander.

Brag hits buffers

What do you get when our Prime Fantasist pledges an end to rough sleeping in city streets? An almost immediate admission  from Jonah that he doesn’t have enuff cash to pay for it and he was just shooting his mouth off.
● And the costa living is going up, not down. Fast punctures in inflated claims.

Quality deficit

The Home Office has felt obliged to give bogus asylum seekers a booklet telling them that rape is illegal in the UK and they are not allowed to beat up wives and other relatives. Such is the state of affairs created by the looney Left and the legal trade with their open door policy for the scum of the Earth.

Home team clean sweep?

The RoughRiders went to Vancouver to end Week 12. FG for the home team to start. One for the Riders. Rourke rushed to scoring range, BC sacked to a FG, 3-6.
    A long FG got the Riders level in Q2. The Lions recovered their own fumble, on to a TD, 6-13. Close by the Riders but a pick at the BC goal line stopped them. Nowt from it.
    Inside the RR 5 for the Lions in Q3, on to a TD, 6-20. Red zone for the Riders, stopped by a pick. A bomb pass by Rourke got the Lions close, To the 1 on a penalty, TD. 6-27. A pick stopped the Lions in the first minute of Q4. A bomb pass by Harris, TD with 12 minutes left, 13-27. FG for the Lions. A sack made the RR kick a FG, 16-30. Out on downs for the Riders, victory formation, 4 home team wins this week.

File under ‘D’ for Disaster

What do you get when Labour runs a council for one term before being booted out? In the case of Wandsworth, a £137 million Brown Hole dug, and a vindictive Labour government cutting the council’s funding by 40%.

Really dear do!

The legal trade has made a bomb out of Hapless Hairy and his Outraged Army. No massive damages from the Daily Wail for being spied on, £30-odd million to pay for their trip to court.

Line of development

crossword clue: eyelashes (5)
answer: cilia
applied to Jonah Burnbum: cilly ass

Monoversity?

No surprise that the green grotters are agitating for Press censorship to prevent deficiencies in over-promoted people from being revealed. The rachelism and diversity flags are being flown as a matter of course.

The blind-eye approach

Edstone Milipede is getting a booting over his attempt to hide the true cost of his Nett Zero scams. It’s £540 per household per year.
    Or £320,000,000,000 darn the drain by 2050.
    The government scam involves ignoring any inconvenient infrastructure costs. And hoping no one will notice?

More cash wasted

Our wonderful Labour government has wasted millions on a Nett Zero scam aimed at preventing airliners from forming vapour trails in the sky. Diverting planes to areas where they are unlikely to form will waste vast amounts of jet fuel and shoot up operating costs, offering Nett Zero benefit to the folks paying them. And have no measurable effect on climate change.

Conjecture Rulz

Research in the Untied States has found that there can be a spike in fatal car crashes after a popular musician releases a new album. But there is no evidence that the drivers involved were listening to it. Get out of that!

Buy British

The Food Standards and Health Security agencies are issuing warnings about imported eggs containing salmonella. Something else to cheer us up. But only if we use fast-food joints.

Battle in the East

The TigerCats visited the Argonauts on Saturday. Just over 4 minutes to a TD for the Argos. A FG in the rain to follow, 0-9. Another from 47 yards. Finally the Cats got to scoring range and finished Q1 with a TD, 7-12.
    The Cats kicked a FG 7 minutes in to Q2. A pick stopped the Argos. Punt. Close with the kick return. FG for the Argos, 10-15. Scoring range for the Cats, Charge! from the TA 1 at 0:00 and a TD. 17-15.
    A TD for the Argos 6 minutes in to Q3. FG with 2 minutes left, 17-25. A huge pass play set up a FG for the Cats.
    A short FG try by the Argos in Q4 was a bad miss. Mugging the QB gave the ball to the Argos, on to a TD, 20-32. A dive over the bunch from the 1 for another TA TD, 20-39 final.

Better things to view (or do)

The National Film & Television School has offered 30 items which people have to have seen and be able to talk about to be thought cultured. My score was 5. And I don’t think I could natter about any of them for more than a couple of minutes.
    Am I bovvered? Nah! Other views on culture are available; ones not based on films and TV shows.

We know whom to blame

No doubt the government will be trying to blame a jobs drought on climate change. But the fact remains that job vacancies are at a 12-year low and all the talk about tax rises to buy benefits votes and workers’ perks will keep recruitment off the menu in the wealth-creating private sector.

Mixed bag

A 700-page paperback of SF stories, Infinite Stars, starts with continuations of established themes. I abandoned the first offering part-way in as not going anywhere and not about anything interesting.
    The second was a ‘son of Dune author’ effort and familiar territory. The third was something new to me, like the first, but readable and not reliant on knowing what went before.
    Lotz more to explore.

More pain to come

Our Prime Fantasist claims he’s going to give households more breathing room over the costa living. In reality, the UK is on course for life becoming even more expensive and more highly taxed to fund benefits votes.

Not gonna happen

Is President Thump really going to bomb the sh1t out of Oman if the state gets in the way of negotions about the Strait of Hormuz? Given that Iran is still full of sh1t despite lotz of bombing, the threat has to be empty.

Neglect, not climate change

The lunatic Enviromint Agency has got the hump with the water company Severn Trent. It manages its resources efficiently and tackles leaks. As a result, it hasn’t had to impose a hosepipe ban.
    “Wrong!” yelled the E.A, “this makes incompetent water companies look bad!”

Battle in the West

Friday night was the Blue Bombers in Edmonton. Just a FG from the BB opener. More Olivera to . . . out on downs on a 3rd and 3. The Antlers fumbled the ball away.
    A bomb pass to the end zone to start Q2, 10-0. Another FG, 13-0. A pick stopped the Antlers, FG from it. DPI got the Antlers close, TD from the next play, no +2, 16-6.
    FG for the Ants in Q3, 16-9. Red zone, on to a TD and 16-all. Collards mugged in the last minute of Q3, punt. Fajardo tried a scramble and lost the ball to the BB. Nowt from it. FG with 6 minutes to go, 16-19.
    A bomb pass by Collards was picked near the EA goal line, punt. Collards sacked again, FG, 19-all. FG from 40 yards, walk-off win 19-22 at 0:00 by the Antlers!!

Today’s Question

Q: What’s a great way to cheer up the unfortunate people in the West Midlands whose homes were destroyed by a wildfire last week?
A: Send Angular Robot round to glare at the wreckage.

Retro-railway

Labour’s renationalized railway is increasing the number of trains with fewer carriages than the demand requires. It’s part of the Burnbum plan to take us back to the Seventies and make overcrowded trains the norm?

Bold but unreal

According to the experts, Reform UK is to be admired for its plan to cut benefits and get claimants doing useful work. But the plan will founder on the rock of practicality. Lots of Reform voters collect things like PIP, and then there’s the snivel service, the unions and a wealth of vested interests to cope with.

Costly foot-dragging

Delays in investigating police officers for misconduct are costing the taxpayer £60 million per year. A quarter of the cops on so-called gardening leave are from the Met. Greater Manchester, where Jonah Burnbum was police commissioner, comes second in the league of shame with 11% of the total.

System abuse

Failed tax dodger Angrier Robot is striking back at the nation by making it easier for travellers to wreck the countryside with illegal camp sites. Which makes a mockery of Labour’s claim to have incredibly strong safeguards for the green belt.

A good place to avoid

The bus lane scam in London raked in £6.6 million last year. Straying into one for a few seconds costs £100. And then there are the congestion and emissions scams to rake in even more.

Brilliant start

The Americans do a Chump Test when we swap a failing P.M for another out of the same box. Jonah Burnbum failed it.
    In the brief interval between taking over the job and dashing off on holiday, he thought he was swapping messages with Pres. $thump’s ‘enforcer’. Wrong! It was a hoax.
    Jonah is apparently officially not bovvered about this; a comment on his international importance?

Chomp!

The natural world is fighting back against influenzers. At least 3 of them have been bitten in less than a year after the show-off tried to make a ‘me messing about with a shark’ video.

Across the pond

The winless RedBlacks visited the winful Alouettes. 2 tries from the MA 1 by the RB, no cigar but DPI on the second, TD from try 3! An end zone pick by the Als stopped another drive. On to a TD to end Q1.
    A FG try went horribly wrong for the RB in Q2, A Charge! from the 1 gave the Als as 7-14 lead. Then a pick gave then another TD. An RB FG try missed. They grabbed a fumble and ran it to a FG that worked, 10–22. One for the Als.
    Another Al TD in Q3, 10-32. A Charge! by the RB gave them a much needed TD, no +2, 16-32. The Als did a Charge! at the end of the quarter then grabbed a fumble.
    Another Alouette TD in Q4, 16-46. Another pick by the Als, nowt from it. All defence to the end and an Al fumble when they were close.

All about him

What’s behind a decision on exploiting North Sea gas and oil reserves?
    The good of the nation?
    Nope, it’s all about Jonaha wondering whether securing our energy supply during a hot summer wouldn’t be a good look for him.

Reform gets tough

The party would prevent foreign nationals from claiming just about every benefit offered by the system if put in government. Only military veterans, e.g. Gurkhas, would be exempt.
    EU citizens who settled here would be included in a measure to plug a £21 billion/year torrent down Labour’s drain.

No, not a dangerous rebel

R. Gunningham, the artist known as Banksy, has been put in his place. He’s just another wokist and he’s endorsed by left-wingers and given a free ride by them and the police when he does a daube on a public building. He’s also terribly, terribly rich but he doesn’t pay for cleaning up his messes.

Foot on the accelerator

When people had a crisis, it was a mid-life one in the Good Old Days. But the GenZers can’t wait that long. They’ve decided they need to have a quarter-life crisis. Which gives them some practice for tackling a mid-life crisis and then another in later life.

Major legal flop

The paedophiles and sex offenders on Labour’s early release list can adopt a new, and legal, identity extremely easily after getting out of gaol. Despite Parliament being full of lawyers, none of them has spotted this; until their noses were rammed into it recently, and no government has been bovvered about tightening up the law.

Action replay

The current Chancer of the Exchequer is getting a booting for kite-flying and doing irreparable damage to pension savings with threats of yet another Labour tax grab on them.
● Alternative title: Achtung! Replay!

Cute delusion

One of them there studies found that 38% of the men surveyed think they could reach Olympic standard if they had training and coaching for the next 4 years. Many of them think confidence is more important than a natural talent for their chosen sport.

Designer cruelty

Animal experts are warning about the current trend for breeding Frankenstein cats with a ‘cute’ deformity. They include Siamese cats with a very flat face and cats with folded ears.
    The deformities create life-long debilitating health ishues in the unfortunate animals.

More Jonah Effect

After our bringer of disaster was made Prime Fantasist, the wildfires got worse. Now, we’re being threatened with a deluge of rain in the coming autumn and winter and floods everywhere.

Confidence shaker

Last week wasn’t a very good one for railway companies. After a spectacular derailment on Thursday, we were assured that railway lines are safe in hot weather. Cue another derailment on Friday.

Electric fantasy

The government has been forced to admit that the Milipede Nett Zero target for electric vehicles is not fit for purpose and unachievable. E.Vs are just too expensive and short range for non-business users.
    The problem is now being booted down the road by Jonah & Co. by playing the consultation card.

Nothing to cheer about

The experts are predicting that the Budget in October will affect growth in very postcode – it will drive it down or snuff it out.
● Bingo halls as well as bookies will be taxed out of existence to raise unemployment statistics.

32 lost deposits

One thing the Clacton bye-election achieved was a world record for the size of the ballot paper – it was three feet long. Not easily scrunched through the slot in the lid of a standard vote collecting receptacle.
● Q: Why is it called a bye-election?
A: Because most are just bye-bye to taxpayers’ money.

Also not gonna happen

Why isn’t seawater collected in reservoirs and to provided to flush toilets? a Daily Disaster reader asked.
    Imagine the Godzillions of pounds the infrastructure needed would cost. And all the salt water leaking into the landscape to kill off plant life.

Fact vs Fantasy

NHS England has calculated that Labour’s target of reducing the waiting list from 7.2 million to 3.5 million won’t be reached in 2029, as guaranteed.
    A much more realistic figure, given the present reduction rate, is 2067.

Faux moral outrage

The people-smuggler gangsters are accused of not caring a jot about their customers and being interested only in the money they make out of clients. But why would they care? They are evil and vicious criminals, after all.

Clear political bias

We were told that the election to make Nigel Farage the MP for Clacton again cost the taxpayer £250,000. Which means that the Burnbum election in Makerfield plus the one for a replacement Manchester mayor have to have cost us well over half a million quid. Odd that this was never pointed out.

Trades Descriptions Act territory

Maybe I was a little harsh on the 97-year-old lady who got the world record for being the oldest female wing-walker a week or so ago. The $6 Million Man got a job doing this last night but he was just strapped to a frame on the top wing of a biplane, like the lady, and there was no actual walking involved.
    All Steve did was wave his arms about a bit when the plane was blasting out a smoke trail.
● Mr. Austin did actually also do a bit of kneeling on the lower wing; stationary; at the end of the episode for variety.

Electrifying grip

Immigration officers in the US are to issued with gloves which give a stroppy customer a 380 Volt electric shock. The gloves are already in use in prisons and by police forces.

Not up to any job

Pixie Balls-Cooper has done a moan about Bier Smarmer (remember him?) as a P.M who wanted ministers to bring him solutions, not problems. Was it a tough time for Pixie coz she’s not a solutions person?

Numbers not adding up

The Spanish enclave of Ceuta was allegedly cleared of 98% of the invaders from Morocco, according to ‘experts’ like Jonah Burnbum. But it still has 5,000 unwanted guests. And the invasion episodes are continuing. So much for the ‘experts’.

Interbreeding crisis?

Testing has found that wild salmon on Scotland’s west coast can contain 20% of DNA from escaped farmed fish. Now, the experts have to decide whether keeping up salmon populations in this way is okay or a major ecological disaster to panic about.

Dream on!

The plan by President $thump to annex the Strait of Hormuz as a US territory after he’s defeated Iran is attracting mucho mockery from the enemy. He’s just a fantasist, the Iranians reckon.

Modern proverb

Those whom the Gods would destroy they first make woke; or victims of wokery.

To encourage dieting

Food prices and inflation are set to spike, the experts are warning, due to the government’s failure to get a grip on water management.
    This year’s reductions in harvests of grains and vegetables are expected to triple the food inflation rate to 5%. No plan on offer from the government for tackling this, of course.

Once seen, seen

Despite all the meeja hype, my correspondents tend to think that if you have seen one eclipse; total or close to it; you are going to see exactly the same stuff from another, and the B.S from the astrologers and lifestyle gurus will be exactly the same, too.

Political inattention

Jonah Burnbum claims that betting shops blight high streets, confirming that he’s not paying attention. Thievin Reeves contributed significantly to driving gambling on-line, closing down hundreds of betting shops and binning hundreds of jobs. But they have been vanishing for years.
    We used to have one in our local shopping area but I’m damned if I can remember where it was after all the years it’s been gone.

Question & Answer

The French don’t apply their own maritime safety laws to dinghies used to move illegals across the Channel, a Daily Disaster reader pointed out. Why doesn’t our government make noises about this? she added.
    Easy. The government is trying to stop us from noticing that the Home Sec., the borders bod and the rest are total chumps and suckers who hand millions of our cash to the French for doing FK-all.

Just self-interest

Despite continual moans about lack of prison places when in Opposition, Labour has no intention of building more gaols and no plans for repairing defects in existing ones.
    Hence the early release plan to restore Labour-voting criminals to the community.

Wreck everywhere

Labour’s borders minister is applying D.I.E. to illegal immigrants. Putting them in cheap housing in poorer areas leads to civil unrest.
    This means that they should also be put in more expensive homes in better areas to allow everyone to experience the disruption they bring on equality grounds.

Labour-inflicted disaster

Labour’s rewilding agenda is getting the blame for destroying vast areas of countryside by creating the conditions that make wildfires readily containable.
    Still, no need to worry about repeats of the wildfires in the scorched areas for a good long while.

Questions

A doctor who was a friend of imprisoned nurse Lucy Letby has died after being sacked over text messages sent to her a decade ago. What was the agenda behind putting this on the front page of a national newspaper?
    An attempt to distract attention from something extra dodgy? Something that the government is trying to hide? Or am I being over-suspicious because I’m reading Brief Candle by Robert Arion, in which everyone, especially the government, its minions and persons of influence, is up to something dodgy?

Today’s Observation

When you read that someone who went on a 5-week holiday in Thailand came home to a phone bill of £159,230 and endless hassle from the phone company, the first thing you do is make sure you have nothing to do with that outfit. Ever!

Another unwanted record

The Milipede Madness record for paying wind farms to switch off was shattered on the 2nd Saturday of this month. That’s when it reached £1 billion of our money darn the drain for nothing in return.
    These constraint payments wasted £1.5 billion in 2025. They expected to reach £3.2 billion this year.

Off-target quibble

Jonah Burnbum is always droning on about Manchester being in the north, but a cartographer has worked out that the geographical centre of Britain is 40 miles north of Manchester, which puts the city in the midlands. And ignores the fact that the context of Up North is England, not Britain, as there is another government beyond the border at the north end of England.

Psychological warfare

The air defences around Put’n’s billion-quid palace on the Black Sea coast have been knocked out by drones after firing missles into Ukraine. Will the Ukrainians drop a drone or two onto the palace now? Or will they keep The Poisoner in suspense by looking threatening but not actually doing anything?

Another fake plan

The Burnbum plan to revitalize high streets is getting a good booting for being hot air and B.S about nothing. All he can offer is banning vape shops and barbers, and letting local councils waste more money on more red tape of the sort that discourages people from opening a business in a town centre.
    Nothing about the parking scams that keep motorists out of town centres or rob them blind with fines for imaginary offences.

All right for some

What do you get if you cause serious injuries to a police officer whilst drunk at the wheel of a car? Away with it, if you’re a D.I.E. representative. No gaol, just a suspended sentence.

Small problem or megasnag?

The Reform UK plan to deport foreign criminals wholesale doesn’t have a solution to the main problems such as the country of origin refusing to tak the scumbag back and criminals refusing to reveal where they’re from.
    There is the alternative to dump them in gaols abroad; paying through the nose, of course; and banning them from coming back here. But is that going to have much effect on criminals?

Concerns ignored, not understood

Bad-Luck Burnbum is eager to blight middle-class areas by stocking them with migrants. They need to have their share of undocumented scum of the Earth, Jonah reckons.

Another break

Wot is our Pretender Fantasist going to be doing for the next couple of weeks? Wandering around the country making cute videos to put on the interweb instead of doing anything useful.
    Although, it can be argued that the more time polyticians spend not meddling, the better off the rest of us are!
● About 50% of the video viewers think Jonah is being juvenile.

In the East

 A pick by the TigerCats stopped the visiting Roughriders. On to a TD. A FG late in Q1 for the RR. DPI got the Cats close but just a FG in Q2, 3-10. A 12th minute FG for the Riders. Then scoring range, a TD and the lead, 13-10.
    Another FG for the RR in Q3. Another after 12 minutes, 19-10. FG for the Cats in Q4. Bomb to the RR end zone, TD Cats, 19-20, lots of time left. FG with 4 minutes left, 19-23. FG inside the last minute, 19-26. A pick stopped the Riders! Enuff.

Hand deeper into pockets

Although they are denying it, some local councils are taking a close look at ways to apply dynamic pricing to public toilets. The more demand at any time, the higher the charge.

Just a thought

“This will absurd the common good.” Is that a realistic; if probably misheard; assessment of what this economy-destroying Labour government is up to?

Out West

The Argos vs the Antlers to start a beautiful Saturday afternoon. The Argos recovered a fumble to stop the home team. FG from it. One the other way, 3-all. A rouge from a punt by the Ants. A FG try by the Argos missed.
    In Q2, Fajardo sacked. Then he ran for a first down plus lotz more! Nearly a TD. Charge! 3-11; the PAT missed. Sack, punt, pick by the Ants to get the ball back? Cancelled by roughing. Charge! by Arbuckle, no +2, 9-11.
    FG for the Ants in Q3. The Argos were sacked to a FG, 12-14. FG for Edmonton. A fumble gave the ball to them. Inside the 10 yard line, TD, 12-24.
    Inside the 10 in Q4, TD again, 12-31. A pick gave the Ants another TD. Sack, Argos out on downs, time running out. Red zone, FG, 12-41. Add a rouge from a punt. Another pick by the Antlers, 12-42 final.

Stand in line, waste time

Only the EFU could come up with a scam as disastrous as its Entry/Exit Scam at its borders. The finger-printing and facial picture recording has doubled the waiting times at airports compared to last year and there is no sign of things getting any better anytime soon.

Today’s Groan

Just what we need; a prime monster who thinks it’s his job to wreck everything in sight because that’s all he knows how to do.

Distraction-free

When people talk about the Prime Fantasist having a lot on his plate, they just demonstrate how out of touch they are. Our current incumbent’s ‘plate’ is about the size of the daintiest saucer in a child’s tea servive. Thus anything big falls off and is ignored and just small trivial remain for his limited attention.

Small Mooz

A small sag in Esso fuel prices. Petrol is 162.9p/litre locally and diesel is also down by 1p to 183.9p/litre.

Fiery Green

Fires caused by solan panels are increasing in frequency as a result of the rush to deploy them. Installation quality is not keeping pace. Bigger bills from insurance companies too if they are having to pay out more?

More D.I.E. action

Cambridge City Council (where else?) has blown a million quid on a toilet block which includes 3 holes in the ground for foreigners to use. They pay a quid and squat over the hole to make a deposit. Bring your own gas mask?

Still not sold

Bank Security Department seems to be getting rather desperate to impress. This morning’s call from their pocket phone number included a charge of £800 to my card (type not specified). How soon will they have to go over the one-grand threshold in their attempts to frighten someone into being scammed?

Friday treat

The winless RedBlacks travelled west to the Blue Bombers; cool and cloudy. A bobble was picked by the BB to stop the RB opener. Sack, punt. FG in the 10th minute, 3-0. Collards sacked again. 2-yard TD for the BB in Q2.
    Another FG for the RB, 6-7. Collards downed again, dinged. A dose of Olivera, FG for the BB, 6-10. More Olivera, Collards back, Olivera TD, 6-17. A long kick off return by the RB, TD! No +2, 12-17. FG for the BB at 0:00, 12-20.
    Nearly a TD, end zone drop, FG for the Bombers. Collards sacked again. 51-yard FG for the RB, 15-23. Another FG in Q3.  Sack by the BB cancelled by a roughing penalty, inside the 5, TD, 21-26. DPI by the RB, Charge! 21-33. Close by the RB as time ran out, sack, 3rd down end zone pick, the end.

Protection-free

Should we be surprised that the bloke at the heart of the Cambridge wokery scandal is being outed for recycling the title of an episode of a 2010 TV series as the title of his about to be published book? Not really.
    There is no copyright on titles, as one of my correspondents found when the title of one of his short stories, written in 1981, was used for a 2018 film.

So much for that!

Probation staff are threatening to go on strike over the government’s plans to let thousands of criminals out of gaol early. The poor dears toiling for the Probation Service are worried about being overworked.

Grab ‘n’ Wreck

Burnbum’s puppet-masters are demanding a wealth tax in the Budget. To fund benefit votes and camps for illegals? And ensure there’s Nett Zero investment here and growth, of course.

Simple truth

A reputation built on fantasy will never survive close scrutiny. But this will not stop the wokists from trying it on again at the next opportunity; or prevent politicians from making meaningless noises when attention-seeking.

Impactless event

It seems Ofgem got into a twist over ex-pirate Radio Carolone announcing the death of King Chuck and following this with a 16-minute period of silence. According to Ofcom, it was a matter of very high public interest. Which is a complete fantasy if there was no meeja storm when it happened; back in mid-May and I didn’t find out about it until I saw a newspaper item in mid-August.

Foregone conclusions come in pairs

Anyone surprised that Mr. Farage from the garage held on to his seat in Clacton effortlessly and the attempt to fit him up for financial shenannygoats resumed at once? No?

Another Labour disaster

The Jonah Effect is really taking off if illegals are being allowed to cross the Channel with French cops looking on as 230 pile onto a supermegadinghy. And this after our Prime Fantasist was claiming his plan is working. Wot plan is that?

Not gonna happen

The government scam to open mental elf centres in banks and libraries is receiving mucho mockery from towns where those places have been closed and sold off to pound shop operators and vapists.

No comment

Cambridge U. is saying nothing about the rumour that it will be offering an M.G. (Master of Gullibility) degree course in the coming academic year.

B.A. in degook gobble

Brighton University is offering bachelor degrees in wokery in a bid for more customers. Just what the nation needs to launch economic recovery.

No rush railway

Catch a train on South Western Railway, which was renationalised by Labour a year ago, and there’s an even chance that you will arrive late at your destination. Cancellation of services is also way up on pre-nationalisation rates.

Crime tidal wave

Jonah Burnbum’s early release for criminals scam will inflict 90,000 additional crimes on the nation, the bean-counters have worked out. But given his reputation for causing some sort of disaster wherever he goes, no one surprised.
    An attempt is being made to shift the blame onto S. Mahmood, the current Home Sec., now that Jonah’s endorsement of the scam has gone south.

More red tape

Private sector companies which bid for government contracts will have to be audited for the amount of freedom to rampage that they give to Labour’s paymaster trade unions. More of our money wasted.

Politicians ignoring facts again

Our national figurehead, Jonah, was among the Lefty stooges who wanted us to believe that 98% of the gang that invaded the Spanish enclave of Ceuta went back to Morocco. Not so. There are still up to 4,000 children and an unknown number of adults lurking about in the enclave.

Division bottom battle

The Lions visited the Stampeders to start off CFL Week 11. Cool and rainy in Calgary. The home team started with a 55-yard FG. Then another. The Lions fumbled the ball away, the Stamps were sacked to a FG and 0-9.
    A pass by Rourke in Q2 went almost to a TD, TD from the next play, 7-9. End zone DPI by BC set up another Stamps TD. The PAT try missed, 7-15. A TD for BC in the 14th minute, no +2, 13-15. Just time for another FG for the Stamps.
    In Q3, the BC opener went to pylon dive by Rourke, 20-18.  All defence to Q4. FG for BC, 23-18. Adams dinged and off, Love on. A pick by the Stamps set up a drive that went to a Charge! from the BC 1, +2, 23-26, 4 minutes left.
    The kick off return was bumbled to the Stamps, an FG try missed. Close for the Lions, on to a TD, 30-26. An end zone pick in the last minute by BC stopped the Stamps when close.

Mega-pocket-pick

The National Debt (unfiddled version) was £1 trillion in 2010. At the present rate of accumulation, it could well grow from the current rate of £3 trillion to £4 trillion in just 18-24 months. Especially if Jonah Burnbum keeps throwing unfunded cash promises in every direction and his cronies are working at pace to fiddle the books even more to hide what’s really going on.

Not fair!

Japan is being accused of hogging the world’s rain as wildfires burn across parched Europe and Japan struggles with the effects of a month’s rainfall in a single day.

Numbers with meaning

Mr. Hardman of the Daily Disaster can be a hard man to beat when it comes to explaining something. The wildfire damage to 2 nature reserves in Suffolk amounts to 371 acres or 210 football pitches. Meaningless numbers. How about the whole of Hyde Park? Or three-quarters of Monaco, which is big enough for a Grand Prix? Much more graspable.

Who cares?

Is it proof that this is the hottest summer in the whole history of The Universe if the counting machine has gone into meltdown? We were told a short while ago that this is the 6th heat wave of the summer but the count has now gone down to 5!

Winner Wannabe

US Intelligence is warning that the success of Ukraine’s drone attacks on Put’nstan’s infrastructure could provoke an incursion into a soft NATO country as a distraction and a chance for Put’n the Poisoner to claim a victory, no matter how pathetic.
    Either an attack on somewhere like Estonia or a cyber-assault in the next few weeks is on offer from the spy bunch.

More booting

Our Pretender Fantasist’s communications experts have told Jonah to stop being a scruffy, blokey, cartoon character who’s always darn the pub or at a football match. It is giving him a totally non-serious image that confirms to voters that he is just a pillock.
● The Cabinet Office is recruiting 50 more stooges; at our expense; to try to manipulate the meeja more in its preferred direction.

Well deserved

NHS England is getting a good booting for continuing to drag its feet over excluding men from female spaces. An attempt to shift the blame onto the Cabinet Office (rather than global warming?) resulted in another boot up the bum for NHS E.

Monster lie!

The Taxpayers’ Alliance has calculated that the UK’s real National Debt is £12 TRILLION, not £3 TRILLION. The government is trying to ignore liabilities such as unfunded state and public sector pensions, PFI contracts and the cost of tidying up nuclear sites. Which makes a HUGE difference.
● Will the current Chancellor’s October budget get us up to £13 TRILLION if Jonah Burnbum is okay with discarding the current fiscal rules?

Lotz less for lotz more

A cleaning lady found a Mars bar dating back to 1991 when on a job . It is 62.5% bigger than the current Mars bar, which costs 520% more than 30 years ago.

Sieve Agency?

The leader of Reform UK and his deputy are suing the Notional Crime Agency, the UK’s alleged FBI equivalent, over leaks of their financial affairs. The Reformers are after damages and the names of those to whom NCA minjions passed information.
    There is an NCA internal investigation ongoing into the leaks but the Reformers feel that it has progressed to stalling and is now heading for cover-up country.

Great alibi!

“You can’t pour from an empty cup,” an apologist offered for the reason why our Pretender Fantasist with nothing to offer shot off on holiday after just a couple of weeks in the job.

Loner + phone culture

People in Britain now have fewer friends than they did in the Good Old Days of yore. Obsessive gawping at anti-social meeja is getting the blame.

Diversity Rulz 4 All

If a white phone thief suffered the extreme misfortune of being busted in London and he told the copper that he identifies as black, would he be allowed to get away with it under the Met’s DIE agenda?

Towards a Zero diagnostic threshold

It should come as no surprise that being disabled is a part-time thing for some people. They buzz around in a wheelchair at times and include roller-skating and gymnastics in their list of hobbies. And attention-seeking?

Not us, mate

Left-wing councils are going to put transpicater ‘rights’ before those of normal people and ignore the rules on protecting single-sex spaces. No one surprised.

Hype of a generation

“Do not use after August 12 1999", it said on the archived eclipse viewer. But quick progress views of last night’s partial solar eclipse went off without after-images after the gaze was averted and the viewer lowered.
    We got to see the whole thing from start to finish without clouds getting in the way for once. No doubt global warming will get the blame for that!
    It was an event that someone who didn’t know about it could easily have missed. There was no dramatic darkness at the maximum, just a bit of murkiness as if a cloud had got in the way.

It goes on and on

The Israeli army is being accused of evicting Palestinians from their homes so that Israeli terrorists can take possession of them. And it’s not something new, either.

Not the required agenda

Analysis of the government’s flagship Prevent scam has found that it is focussed on what are claimed to be Right-wing threats; more confected than actual; and very soggily soft on real dangers posed by Islamists.

At it again

Invaders from Israel are attacking Palestinian families in the illegally occupied territories on the west bank of the River Jordan, and cutting off their water supply, in an attempt to drive them out of their homes.
    Nothing is being done about this abuse, especially not by far-Right dominated Israel which, with the aid of the Hamas, has grotted all over the President $thump ‘peace’ deal for Gaza.

To MBE or not to MBE

Accepting an MBE is seem as something that would damage the credibility of someone making a living out of attacking the British Empire and the rest of our glorious history.

Kill ’em all off!

The silence of our anti-academic achievement Education Sec. over the Cambridge Fantasist ishue is being taken as proof that the Left is applying its DIE agenda vigorously to kill off once respected universities as well as decent schools.

A man of many parts

You can’t say the $6 Million Man ain’t versatile. Wandering around on the Moon one day, crashing round a roller derby rink on another.

Real world stuff

Social housing for British citizens, not foreigners, is a sensible policy from the Tories and long overdue. But it will get a lot of stick to distract attention from the daft Reform plan to get the Royal Navy to tow megadinghies of illegals back to France.
● 250,000 rentals of social housing have gone to foreigners, with a 50% rate in London, and this costs the taxpayer BILLIONs.

Oh, dear, Bier

A poll of teens who would face an overnight internet curfew under a Smarmer plan indicated that the plan will flop. 80% of those questioned said they could and would opt out of the ban and be able to circumvent it.

Also not ready

Customers are being requested not to switch on electircal items with a heavy power need, e.g. an electric oven, during this evening’s partial solar eclipse as the solar power scam won’t be able to deliver to the national grid. Don’t watch it on a BIG television either?
    Something else to thank Edstone Milipede for.

Just not ready

If you need an ambulance during a heat wave, you may have to wait until things cool down sufficiently for the crew to work without putting their health at risk.
    Customers may have to endure being taken to hospital in a vehicle with broken air conditioning and have to bake for hours on end, along with the crew, in a queue at the hospital.

No issues

Another boot up the bum for sometime Labour headership hopeful Wee Streeting. He received cash donations via a trail which leads back to a crypto-fraudster who’d doing a 25-year stretch in the Untied States. Natch, Labour is claiming that due diligence was done.

Curious choice

Are the audiences for repeats of The Professionals likely to want the Baldy Bonce Head Shaver featured in some of the TV ad breaks? Seems highly unlikely.

Two of a kind

Labour is the party of continuity. First, we had Never Here Bier. Now, we’re stuck with Bunk-off Burnbum, who thinks 2 weeks in the job of Pretender Fantasist entitles him to a fortnight’s holiday abroad.
● The Tory leader, Mrs. Badenuff, has been kind enough not to criticize Jonah’s lack of stamina in front of the meeja.

Desperation rulz

FIFA is trying desperately to make all the bad publicity about its leader go away as the stooges know it reflects badly on them if they voted to make a rotter their figurehead and ignored his plans to sell off the World Cup for 8 years.

Wot’s going on?

It’s rather strange that the Warmists are being allowed to turn 2026 into the hottest year in the whole history of the universe with record numbers of excess deaths due to heat.
    All this does is underline the total failure of Edstone Milipede’s energy policy. Could this be a sinister plot by Jonah Burnbum’s allies to prevent the looney Left of the Labour party from putting Milipede forward as a leadership candidate again?

Rather an exaggeration!

Can a 97-year-old woman claim the record for being the world’s oldest female wing-walker if she was strapped solidly on the wing of a biplane as a safety measure and she didn’t actually do any walking about?

Too great expectations

A survey of what people think guide dogs for the blind can do has confirmed that there are lotz of weird people around. Like the ones who think dogs know what traffic lights are all about, that they know bus routes, they can take their owner to items in a shop and they can navigate to a particular destination without receiving directions.
    And they help with housework.

Fiddling the books

To complicate things further, the threshold temperature for a heatwave varies across the country. Which means that some heatwaves are colder than others!

Simple explanation

Why is the Farage-triggered bye-election in Clacton just a political stunt when the one confected to put Jonah Burnbum into the Commons wasn’t? Because the looney Left are afraid of Farage and he is definitely not stitched up and done for, as they would like to pretend.

Bonkers numbers game

This heatwave game is getting totally out of hand. Are we in the 5th one of this summer or is it the 6th this week? Few people know for sure and most no longer care.

Attention-seeking?

Former First Meenister of Scotland Wee Burney Sturgeon is doing a Fringe act at the Edinburgh Festival. She is also trying for a place in the Guinness Book of Records with a claim that she believed everything that her embezzler husband told her. Which makes her the World’s Biggest Mug at least.

Political categorization

Burnbum Labour: soft on crime and full of bull.
    Next!

Wildlife Update

We do have more than one yellow butterfly in our area. Two were spotted in the back garden briefly yesterday. And everything is still green despite the lack of rain and the propaganda about England being brown.

Here’s hoping

Will it be cloudy @ 7 p.m. on Wednesday the 12th of this month? It’s a good bet if there’s a partial eclipse of the Sun tomorrow running from about 6:15 to just after 8 p.m with 91% obscuring at the maximum.

Not sold

If we are in a Scorchio! heat wave, how come the residents of The Mansion (excepting the cat) are happy to tuck into solid rice pudding containing sultanas and summer fruits and irrigated with Baileys as the dessert course at dinner?

The Jonah Effect

Forecasts of business prospects for the 3rd quarter of the year are not at all cheerful. Looks like our Pretender Fantasist’s curse is continuing its rampage and Labour’s crusade against the economy continues at pace.

No B.S accepted!

The current Chancer of the Exchequer has been put in his place from the get-go. When he claimed that he won’t let the supermarkets take customers for a ride, he was reminded forcibly that Labour thinks taking for a ride is its prerogative and that’s why his lot shove taxes on everything they can think of.

Limited supply?

We seem to be back to our ration of one yellow butterfly flitting around in the back garden, checking up on things. The second one that was spotted a while ago must have been a neighbour’s ration checking out the local prospects and finding us wanting.

Today’s Question

Is it true that our current Foreign Sec. is known in the USA as Edstone Microwatt in recognition of the failures of his Nett Zero and energy supply scams?

Tech failure

The EFU’s biometric kiosks at borders are unable to read the fingerprints of oldies as their skin has been worn too smooth to provide sufficient contrast. A really good argument for not going abroad now and being left hanging about for hours and hours, waiting for the job to be done manually.

Today’s Observation

How do you know that you are leading a totally virtuous life? When you see the words ‘celebrity blogger’ in a newspaper article and the name that follows means nothing to you, then you are definitely getting it right.

We’re doomed

The internet is getting the blame for A.I experiments that go rogue. Online, lying and manipulation are the way of life and an A.I which puts its own survival above trivia like human lives is just going with the flow; if relentlessly.
    The more imaginative doomsayers are now predicting that when A.I gets its act together, it will wipe out humans in just one generation.

The Law’s euphemisms

It’s rather weird that a woman should be busted on suspicion of possessing an offensive weapon and assault when she was nabbed holding bloodstained scissors and surrounded by blokes who were bleeding all over the place on a London street.

Fantasist’s Splurge

Our wonderful government’s benefits votes-buying splurge has shoved the National Debt above the £3 TRILLION mark. The Treasury would rather not tell us how much that costs in interest charges, thank you very much.

It’s everywhere!

Not only are supermarkets stocking up with Xmas stuff, the TV channels are also doing it. It was Xmas in Cabbage Cove in an episode of Murder, She Wrote last night on Great! Mystery.
● Plump Dr. Hazlitt in this series is how Jonah Burnbum will look in a decade or so!

DO NOT file under ‘F’ for Fair

Police markspersons will not be encouraged by the news that The System persecuted one of their number for 4 years before clearing him of misconduct. He shot an aggressive gangster who was trying to use his vehicle as a weapon against other police officers. He was charged with murder and cleared by a jury. But oh, no. Not good enuff for the drones running The System.

Yeah, right

“Health check now?” said the TV advert voice-over. I looked at my watch. 6:38 p.m. on a Sunday evening. Well, like that’s going to happen right now.

Cambridge crumble

No, not a new dessert. As soon as the once respected uni began to investigate its Prof. of Fantasy & Diversity, he quit. Success for what the uni called a ‘vile campaign’ to delve into his past and reveal the truth. Failure for another far-Left bamboozle campaign.

Labour Schmustice

No amount of eyelash fluttering can dispel the anger over the early release from gaol of two of the thieves involved in the savage murder of PC Andrew Harper in 2019.
    No danger of exporting a couple of foreign criminals to make room for them in the prison system, of course.

Strange silence

Microparticles of plastics: how strange that we don’t hear constant condemnation of water in plastic bottles as the contents of the bottles must be loaded with these bitz.

Okay, which?

That Infantino bloke, the embattled figurehead of FIFA, looks like Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers film series or The Hood in Thunderbirds. Any more?

Two problems

1. The NHS spends £240 million/year of our money on storing paper medical records despite commitments made to go paperless in 2018, 2020 and this year.
2. Putting all records on a computer system would leave them vulnerable to hackers and saboteurs, and inaccessible when the Milipede Nett Zero electricity supply scam fails.

Well, okay

What is wrong with once respected universities such as Cambridge is being described as ideological artisanship. It seems this is a senseless pursuit of wokism in a mechanical, unthinking way.

All the wrong stuff inside?

Putting chocolate biscuits in the fridge during hot weather is sensible as it stops them from sticking together. But crisps?!?

Words only

The Prime Fantasist has declared that he understands the anger and anxiety felt by victims of prisoners who are getting early release from gaol – and he shares it.
    But not enuff actually to redress the betrayal.

More Saturday stuff

The TigerCats went to B.C. to finish Week 10. Gloomy inside with bright sunshine areas! The Lions took their first series to a TD. The Cats got close, penalty, Charge! from the 1, TD.
    A TD pass in a sunny zone by the Cats in Q2, 14-7. A flea-flicker play got the Lions to a TD as the half ran down. A long FG gave the Cats a 17-14 lead.
    A dive into the end zone from the TC 1 in Q3 gave the Lions a TD. They had a long FG try blocked but managed a pick at the end of Q3. FG in Q4, 17-24. Bomb pass by the Cats to the BC 1, 24-all. Close in the 14th minute for BC, FG, 24-27, 28 seconds left, FG try from a mile away by the Cats, no cigar.

Speed slow to stop

The government has taken well over a year to come up with rules to protect single-sex spaces in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling last April. Actually getting anything done to conform with the rules is another matter entirely given the foot-dragging talents of the snivel service and others.

Another imposition

Letting its staff Shirk @ Abroad as well as @ Home means that the Bonk of England blows £4 million/year of our money on laptops for travellers and stay-putters.

Oh, it’s him, pretend we’re out

The USA had to put up with a visit by that weirdo Edstone Milipede in his capacity as Foreign Sec. this week. Which gave the meeja a chance to recite all the insults that he’s hurled at The Donald over the years during his attention-seeking rants.

First on Saturday

The Edmonton Antlers headed right across Canada to Montreal on a spicy Saturday. A cute end zone pass was picked but the Als managed to block a punt and drove to a diving TD. Close for the Ants in Q2, Charge! to the end zone and 7-all. One for the Als. A long scramble by Alexander was picked by the Ants, TD, 14-all. Close for the Als, diving TD. A FG for the Ants, 17-21.
    A fumble by the Ants in Q3 went to the Als, on to a TD. A pick by the Als went to a FG. A FG try by the Ants in Q4 got just a rouge. Another TD for Philpot, 18-41. A TD for the Ants with 4 minutes left. DPI in the end zone, TD for the Als, 24-48. One for the Ants with a minute left. 30-48 final.

Superflation

The price of an ice cream cone with a sawn-off Flake chocolate bar stuck in it was 99p when they were introduced in the 1990s. They now cost £6.50.

Quibble, quibble

They have spent years shoving cash into the pockets of the legal trade but the people trying stop expansion of Gatwick and Luton airports have hit the buffers in the courts.

Energy insecurity

The boss of BP has revealed that the company is shedding its North Sea interests as British government taxes on oil and gas production make the area uncompetitive. Going elsewhere to invest makes much more sense than staying here.

Translation problem

“Chi puds? What are they?” asked the English detective. “Some dessert that fuels your psychic energy?”
    “What he said was ‘cheap hoods’,” said his American ally.

That will work

The government, which is driving huge numbers of people mental, has put Elf Sec. Pixie Balls in charge of opening hundreds of Mental Elf Centres across the country. No word on the cost and where the cash will come from, of course.

Very well qualified

There is a sound argument for moving the Cambridge academic who tied himself in knots over his CV to the Treasury. The bloke seems to have at least as much imagination about his past as Thievin Reeves.

Super sport

It was the RedBlacks versus the RoughRiders on a beautiful summer Fritay nite. First points to the home team, a FG. Then the RB fumbled the ball away! Only to be picked right off! A FG from their next drive? Short. A RB punt was blocked but a penalty on the RR wiped out a visit to the RB end zone.
    The RB drove into Q2, Charge! to a TD, 6-3. Nearly an RB TD, out on downs. A FG with 2 minutes left got the RR to 6-all. Then a TD in the last minute and 6-13.
    A wrestling match at the goal line gave the RB a TD, +2, 14-13. One for the RR to reclaim the lead, +2, 14-21. Back for another to start Q4, 14-28. A pick stopped the RB. The RR were unstoppable on the way to another TD, 14-35. One for the RB with 4 minutes left, 20-35. An on-side kick try was fielded by the RR. Another TD for them, 20-42 final.

Non-News

1. BBC TV attention-seeker yells at FIFA boss Infantino in Colombia. Ignored.
2. 5th heat wave to come next week with temperatures of 135 deg.C. Or something.

Would it work?

It has been suggested that there should be a national database for whingers who complain about harmless trivial, such as a streaker on the football field of a model village. This would work only if the whingers had to pay for the service in order to spare the taxpayer the burden of funding attention-seekers. It might even be profitable if the participation fee is set high enuff.

What drought?

If England has gone brown, one of my correspondents asked, why is there green grass, mare’s tails and other unwanteds thriving in the gaps between the paving slabs in his back garden?

Neither health nor wealth

A survey of multivitamins has revealed that hopefuls could find themself blowing £80/month for not very much. And something costing 16p or 34p per day can be helpful health-wise whilst gunk costing 70p/day can be totally useless.

Dangerous hobby

What’s a good way to wind up President $thump? Point out that he has brought peace to the Iran war eight times in five months and that’s well worth a Nobell Peas Prize.

Be Prepared

It’s August, which means it’s time to rush to your local supermarket to stock up on the Xmas treats now on offer. Even if they have a use-by date before December 25th. They can still be used as training aids in rehearsals for the Festering Season.

The A.I leader

It has been suggested that the reason for Iran’s failure to make a deal with Pres. $thump is that no one in Iran knows who is in charge. The Ayatollah Bunchacommies, who inherited the job when the Israelis bombed his father, could either be dead or incapacitated, or even in a coma. Or he could be hiding in Put’nstan.
    All this leaves the politicians and the Republican Guards squabbling and having to make up messages from him and show A.I generated images.

Next step

Kids who are allowed to waste time on anti-social meeja from the age of 11 are 6 months behind those who are not internet compulsives at GCSE age. Will our Ed. Sec. be offering free phones to 11-year-olds as part of her campaign to demolish the concept of academic standards?

Windmill racket

Meters fitted the wrong way round at wind farms have left the operators unable to tell whether they are supplying energy to the grid or consuming it. This has led to electricity users being overcharged by £100 million per year. How very Edstone.

Apple crumble

Apple ranchers in Kent are having to spray their Bramleys with a protective coating containing clay to shield them from sunburn. Apparently, apples start to cook and spoil if the local temperature exceeds 30 deg.C.

Sinister?

What is the point of putting a graphic voice track graph on a TV picture? It serves no useful purpose. Unless it is intended as a distraction from the message in the voice-over.

Just uneducated

We now have a weirdo in the job of Education Sec. who is claiming that because of the Tory focus on academic standards in schools, one million kids are now unemployable.
    Where does Labour find these characters? Not a word about the destructive effects of Labour employment-related tax grabs of course.

Abuse complaint

What we need is a system of spot fines for everyone who uses the word ‘earns’ in the context of what overblown figureheads and similar usual suspects ‘are paid’.
        That would solve the government’s debt crisis in a hurry.

Today’s Question

If there is a Great Barrier Reef off the east coast of Australia, is there a just as celebrated Okay Barrier Reef in the interests of equality?

Those who will not learn from history . . .

Business confidence is not being helped by the strike-enabling legislation dumped on us by Angular Robot when Bier Smarmer was pretending to be in charge.
    The whole country will end up looking like the rubbish dump that Birmingham became under Labour control if the trade unions are allowed to run riot again.

Week 10 already

Start off with the Stampeders in T’ronno. The Argos fumbled away their opener, TD for the Stamps. Stopped by a pick next time. Nowt from it. A TD for the Argonauts in the 10th minute. Another pick by the Stamps went to an end zone pick by the Argos.
    Defence to start Q2. Then the Argos returned a punt for a TD! 7-13. Close for the Stamps, FG, 10-13. One for the Argos, 10-16. TD for the Stamps in the last minute, 17-16 and enuff time for the Argos to kick a go-ahead FG, 17-19.
    A punt gave the Argos a rouge in Q3. A pick after the Argos were stuck with 20 yards to make went back for a TD, 24-20. And zone pick by the Stamps. DPI helped the Argos to a FG in Q4, 24-23. A pick by the Argos stopped the Stamps. One play TD drive from it, 27-30. The Stamps made a FG with 3 minutes left. FG range for the Argos, 30-33 final after the Fail Mary was picked off by the Argos.

The real incentive

What persuaded lotz of the illegals who invaded the Spanish enclave of Ceuta with help from Morocco to retreat? Was it no food and no toilets and no shelter? No, it was because there was nowhere for them to charge their pocket phone out in the wilderness. When reality bites, it can be a case of CHOMP!!

Fantasy is all

Business confidence is sagging under the burden of Jonah Burnbum’s dithering. He keeps shaking the Magic Money Tree and promising cuts in everything; train fares and water charges are the latest. But everyone else can see that the leaves have fallen off the tree and it’s stone dead.

Erroneous inclusion

There was an article in the Daily Disaster this week telling us that everywhere is full of flies crawling about on worktops and food, and bashing into windows.
    Nothing like that is going on here, though. Maybe the local wasp population survived the heat waves that the Met Office keeps chucking at us and they’re doing their job of killing off our flies.

What’s it going to be?

“Who wants to live forever?” Queen was asking back in 1986. Forty years on, a study has found that not all that many people do want to. Quality matters more than quantity to lotz of old(ish) people, especially women, and there’s no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to oldies. Individual priorities are too varied to lump them into a handful of categories.

Where no birds roam

The RSPB has put itself out of business for 25 years at a reserve near the Sizewell B power station. A blaze started spontaneously on what was clearly the unmanaged land of its nature reserve and wrecked the joint completely.

Another memory

As with Start Wreck, some things stick from long ago viewings of Babylon 5. Like the Vorlons in the current repeats using Jack the Ripper to interrogate Delenn of the Minbari to reassure the resident Vorlon, Kosh, that she’s trustworthy.
    Not one of creator Joe Strawotsit’s best ideas.

Ultrafast turnover

The Legend channel is zipping through the original Star Trek episodes. The bitz I see before episodes of The Six Million Dollar Man seem to repeat in no time at all. Such as the tiny alien who wanted Kirk, McCoy and a one-episode guy to share his fave drink, traaan-yeh, after messing them about.

Mr. Dodgy

Gladhanding and handing out wads of imaginary cash has become the Burnbum signature. Never any detail as to where the money will come from, and a retraction when he’s had his scrap of publicity.
    Like Bier Smarmer, he is totally unprepared to be P.M and Jonah has clearly landed up in a job that he’s incapable of doing because he just doesn’t get the recipe for success.

And so it goes on

Jonah Burnbum might be skiving abroad but his curse still hangs over the Manchester area. A power failure, insufficient reserves and no trains for the district.

Is anywhere safe?

Another bot developer has admitted that its A.I went rogue and got onto the internet despite being in what was supposed to be a closed network. Going where it’s not supposed to seems to have become the definition of an A.I bot.

One way to do it

Morocco is getting the blame for the recent invasion by 60,000 migrants, who stormed a Spanish enclave on the North African coast. No Moroccan border guards to be seen and the government there is badgering Spain to move out and hand the area over.

Burnbum booting

So much for his spiel about cash devolution. Tory and Reform UK mayors will be banned by the Pretender Fantasist from using some of the income tax raised in their areas (balanced by a cut in funding from central government) to cut taxes locally.
    Which turns his posturing into just another bad joke.

Ecoblight

Areas which have been hot have seen a decline in the wasp population. This, the experts are telling us, is a Bad Thing as the fly population is being allowed to soar in the absence of their usual predators.

Truth failure

Pubs, clubs and music venues will get a 20% cut in business rates, quoth Jonah Burnbum. Wrong! Nightclubs won’t.
    Another politician’s lie?

Judgement lacking

Our Pretender Fantasist is all over the place when it comes to letting dangerous prisoners out of gaol early. No danger of him even considering exporting foreign criminals, though. Tough supervision of those released early? Like that’s going to happen!

Sounds fair

Do you get a free trial membership of Masochists Anonymous if you buy the book of the excruciating story of the wedding that shattered Brand Beckham?

Burnbum backlash

MPs in the South of England have had a look at how the regions stand as far as government services are concerned and found a North-South disparity.
    The North-East gets £2,000/head MORE than the South-East and it’s £1,400 MORE for the North-West than the South-West. Which gives the lie to our Pretender Fantasist’s claim that the North is being short-changed.

Clarification needed

“Beware of our martial arts master Chuck Norris,” sez the voice-over on the Legend TV channel. Is that a warning that his ghost can haunt you, given that he cashed in his chips earlier this year at the age of 86?

Crossword Clue

Q: Dictator with high-pitched voice (5,8)
A: Fidel Castrato

Today’s Proverb

A politician and his/her fantasies are not easily parted.

Exhausting job

Jonah Burnbum is rather short of stamina. Just 2 weeks into the job of Pretender Fantasist has left him shagged out and in need of a foreign holiday break from all the eyelash fluttering and empty promises about £96 BILLION of unfunded spending.

Great racket!

This Clacton bye-election thing could catch on. 34 candidates and all those lost deposits going into the trough? Magic!

Today’s Question

Should the leader of the green grotters, Mr. Alias, have a nanny if he puts stuff on the internet which he doesn’t actually mean to post?

Healthier times

Things are definitely unhealthier now than they were back in the 20th century. One of my correspondents went to a university in the 1960s. There was no scare about ‘go to uni, get meningitis B’ back then. And no vaccination programme needed.

Common sense abolished

NASA satellites have shown that the global rate of wildfire destruction has decreased steadily since the year 2000. And despite the current panic, wildfires in Europe are at an unusually quiet level.
    Why are there any? Mainly because of the green grotter agenda of neglecting land management to prevent fires from spreading. The grotters want to blame climate change to deflect attention from their negligence.

Fiscal Dictionary

Fully funded: (Labour ambition) whatever is left, if anything, after the benefits votes have been bought.

Lost cause

Labour isn’t committed to spending 3% of GDP on Defence because its benefits clients are gobbling up all the cash. That’s the gist of Defence Sec. Wee Streeting’s position on the subject. And none of this is his fault, of course.
    That this is no longer essential is also the message from Evasive Jonah, the Pretender Fantasist, and the former Defence Sec. Healey, now the Chancellor, is similarly silent.

Short measure

The episodes of The Champions got to No. 30 in the series shown on the Legend TV channel. But Midsomer Murders can offer a mere 7 twice as long episodes as a series.

Wheels right off

The government is not dropping its ambition to build 1.5 million new homes over a parliament. This is now officially a really difficult stretch target, according to Angular Robot.
    Translation: Forget it!

Back again

Notoriously anti-Semitic MP D. Abbott is back in the Labour party following her eviction for rachelism last year. That’s how desperate the left-wingers are for members.

Bad guy bulge

Labour’s early releases from gaol scam has put over 70,000 criminals back among us since last September. Wunderbar!

Wipe-out on the way

The only way to save the hedgehog from extinction is to ban motoring. That’s the obvious conclusion from a study which revealed that road kills are a major factor in their decline.

One minute bright, the next grey

Looks like we have another bogus heat wave today with the Sun working to rule and diving behind the clouds for a tea break whenever it feels like one. And the wind machine is lashing the apple trees about again.

Small Zoom

Esso petrol is still 163.9p/litre locally but diesel is up by 1p to 184.9p/litre. Steady as she goes and rising sneakily.

Another wipe-out

The book-cookers are working at pace to create a world record for the number of heatwave-involved deaths this year. There were none in May according to official numbers a while ago. Now, there are lotz. Our Labour government remains dead set against air conditioning and providing affordable electricity to run it on ideological rather than sensible grounds.

More insecurity

Britain is facing a dire winter with the Bank of England making noises about energy costs and a higher interest base rate. That means more Labour benefits voters and higher taxes to fund the benefits.

A policy of insecurity

Our wonderful government is not only neglecting energy security as well as national security, it’s also neglecting water security and putting the farming industry in danger.

Something to encourage?

157 potential illegals had to be fished out of the Channel and lugged back to France after their mega-dinghy caught fire. Was that due to someone trying to enjoy a disposable barbeque snack on the way to the land of All Things Good?

A spiral of overwhelm

A survey by the news provider Reuters offered a worrying result. News fatigue is a growing problem. The constant ranting of the doombugger brigade is making 40% of those surveyed avoid news from all sources altogether in an attempt to de-stress their lives.

Strangely selective

Its latest pronouncement indicates that the Scottish government is giving financial help only to places at risk of floods due to climate change.
    Places at risk due to neglect of infrastructure maintenance and failure to dredge waterways are out of luck?

Not very helpful

A.I is getting the blame for increasing the number of people who think they have ADHD. If you ask a bot if you are unable to pay attention, it will offer confirmatory ‘evidence’ to the exclusion of equally plausible alternatives coz that’s the way they work.

Edstone handicap

Edstone wind farms in Scotland face a unique handicap. The parts can be moved only at 3 mph on roads and they have to be escorted by law by specialist police officers north of the border.
    Worse, the jobs last 6 hours at a stretch and they have to be done during evenings and weekends at police overtime rates.

Focus, focus

BP is being applauded for its decision to sell off North Sea assets. The hope is that companies focussed on just the North Sea will make a better job of things than a mega-company with a global menu.

Breakthrough?

If the Hamas agree to disarm if the Israelis get the hell out of Gaza, is that a really great deal? Especially if the Israelis are not inclined to budge as they expect the Hamas to start up again elsewhere.

Shabby back-room deal

The president of FIFA has been booted vigorously and made to call off his attempt to sell bitz of the World Cup to private investors.
    The threat to FIFA’s income of reducing the competition to just minor countries via boycotts by the likes of UEFA got the job done.

Another good story

Making the whole staff happy is being offered as a reason for letting people bring their dog to work. Which ignores people avoiding the cost of doggy day care and depriving themself of the job of coming home to a house destroyed by a rampaging confined animal. And the need for a dog toilet.

Could be

“Watch on BBC Hype-Layer.”
    Is that what all those anxious announcers are offering to us?

Record setters!

An overcast start to another alleged heatwave day. No sign of the sun until the wind machine was switched on to thin out the clouds. If anyone ever bothers to work out our temperature profile, we could end up putting in a claim for a World Record for the coldest ever heatwave!

Today’s Questions

1. When are we going to be told the size of the Black Hole that Jonah Burnbum inherited from Thievin and Smarmer’s Army?
2. How big will the Black Hole be when it is passed on to Jonah’s replacement next year?

What rules?

There is a growing suspicion that gardeners are using the water company policies of ignoring leaks and sewage dumping as an excuse for ignoring hosepipe bans. Not to mention the plans to divert what water we have to cooling A.I centres the size of a town.

When in doubt, exaggerate

The panic-mongers would have us believe that the whole of Europe is going to be engulfed in wildfires within days. Makes us glad to live on an off-shore island!

A spot of recycling?

The Enviromint Agency has come up with the concept of a flash drought. No explanation is on offer for how something that takes weeks to develop can be a flash event like a flood.

It’s possible

Could it be that the reason why our Pretender Fantasist’s chat has no actual content is that he is being prompted by an A.I system? Speakers in his specs?
    Spectacular cues to say ‘amazing’ and ‘fantastic’ and lotz of meaningless drivel and never anything about how his plans, if he actually has any, will be paid for? Which taxes will be raised? Or will it be all of them?
    The prompting is definitely technically possible and explains Jonah’s lack of notes when he waffles.

Delusion & Inaction

Our Prime Fantasist claims that Labour has a plan to stop the boats as the number of illegals arriving here surges and makes him look even more of an idiot.
    The process is aided by the French police (paid what? half a billion quid per year to stop them?) who just stand around on beaches telling would-be boaters that it’s dangerous. Nothing more energetic than that.

Sincerity gap

Jonah Burnbum’s claim that he wanted cross-party talks about social care rather fell apart when the facts came out. The leaders of the Tories and Trivials had other places to be, and Reform UK weren’t even invited. Just smoke from Jonah, no mirrors.

In character

The Pretender Fantasist is being mocked mercilessly for trying to take the credit for reductions in the small boat invasion due to bad weather in the Channel.

Crisis fuelled by inaction

An unholy alliance of Pal Pals, Islamist terrorists and green grotters and government indifference has set a world record for the rise in anti-Semitism in the UK compared to other countries with a large Jewish population.

Mouthpiece manoeuvres

Is it possible to feel sorry for a lawyer who has to tell a judge not to blast his clients with the full costs bill for a waste-of-time action because it would be harsh on them? And then tell the judge he’s doing a grand job? Aaaaah, nah!

Out & about even more

The A.I bots that went rogue and escaped from their creaky secure enviromint attacked more than the one target we’ve been told about, it has been revealed. But don’t expect the full extent of the failure to be revealed. Unless a rogue A.I spills the beans, of course.

No surprise

Predictably, the Metropolitan Police have given green grotter boss Mr. Alias a licence to be as nasty as he likes online with Nett Zero consequences.

Reality check

Yesterday, the weather persons were billing today as stonkingly hot. Not with the wind machine at intermittent full blast.

Pocket-pickers

Our Prime Fantasist has admitted that exploiting our oil and gas reserves under the North Sea would reduce the costa living. Which amounts to an admission that Labour’s refusal to do this amounts to a deliberate strategy of shoving up the costa living.

Bound not to be his fault

It’s depressing that Jonah doesn’t get that pretending to be everyone’s mate with a Magic Money Tree to shake won’t work. And even more depressing that his hangers on are not telling him this. Or if they are, he ain’t listening.

Seen it all before

If London is Brussels then Manchester is Strasbourg. The EFU wastes enormous amounts of cash stroking the French ego and No. 10 North will end up doing the same just to stroke J.B’s ego. And all just so that Jonah can Shirk @ Home.

“Place your bets”

“Call me Tony” didn’t work for Mr. t.b. liar. “Call me Dave” resulted in derision for PM Cameron. How long will it be before people start groaning openly when Randy Burnbum keeps on doing his ‘ain’t I cute?’ act relentlessly?

Just deception

A Labour MP tried to blame the attack on the Berlin Pride event on Reform UK and the TV channel GB News, which conveniently ignores the fact that the attacker, although a German citizen, is from Lebanon and an Islamist terrorist whose religion sez it’s okay to attack Priders.

Bucking the trend

With the temperature in the nineties in a few places, people are not scoffing salads like they are supposed to, a survey of supermarkets has found. Sales of cottage pies, spag-bol and other comfort foods are up to let people recharge their batteries after a day of being baked.

The best till last?

The RoughRiders took on the Antlers in Edmonton. TD to start by the home team. One back by the Riders. The Riders were sacked to a stop. Red zone for the Ants, FG, 7-10 to start Q2.
    Close for the Riders, TD after 5 minutes. A 44-yard FG in the 13th minute got the Ants to 14-13.
    Defence to start Q3. Red zone for the Antlers, sack, FG, 14-16. The Ants lost a fumble recovery to too many men, Charge! Riders’ TD, 20-16. In Q4, the Ants reached the red zone, FG.  10 minutes left. Dive for the pylon, just short, TD Riders from the next play, +2, 28-19. The Ants to the 5, TD, 28-26. A sack stopped the Antlers, and the Riders were able to run out the clock for a win. A clean sweep by visiting teams this week.

Tell ’em anybluddything

Our Prime Fantasist is living up to his job title by claiming that the Labour plan to stop the boats is working. Meanwhile, illegals are scrambling to the Border Farce Channel taxi service in ever-increasing numbers in Burnbum Boats, as the mega-dinghies they are using now have been named.
● Claiming that the number of boats is down is a politician’s distraction on the verge of a lie if the boats in use now are three times bigger than they used to be.

Crazy cash

Jonah Burnbum’s Big Idea for tackling the out of control benefits system is to pay a new benefit to people who lose income by no longer qualifying for a benefit.

Hatemonger

Mr. Alias the leader of the green grotters, has been reported to the police for endorsing images advocating violence against the Reform UK leader, Mr. Farage.
    Nothing is expected to come of it.
● Not double standards for Mr. Alias, more none at all.

Ecocarnage

The cost of the Nett Zero scam is predicted to reach £40 billion per year; or more; by 2030, a rise of 600% on the 2010 cost of the scam. The extra hidden costs piled on by the government are unsustainable and a recipe for economic catastrophe.
    Goverment attempt to pile the blame into foreign wars have been dismissed as deception of desperation.

An afternoon in Ontario

The team from Calgary stampeded east to Hamilton to face the TigerCats, who opened with a FG. Swiss cheese defence, TD pass by Adams, 7-3. The young TC QB did some scrambling and fumbled the ball away, FG from it. One for the Cats in the last minute of Q1, 10-6.
    The Stamps missed a FG try 5 minutes in to Q2. The Cats lost an end zone pick to a penalty, on to a TD for the Stamps. Another TC fumble in the last minute of the half, TD Stamps, 24-6.
    The Stamps bogged fielding a punt in Q3, TC ball. TD from it, 24-16. A bomb pass, then a FG in the last minute of Q3, 24-19. A Stamps FG in Q4. The TC got a rouge from a putn, 27-20. CS FG. Red zone for the Stamps, TD with 3 minutes left. A pick right away, another TD, 44-20 and that was enuff.

Labour-promoted yawn

Such was the enthusiasm for the election of a new cosmetic mayor for Manchester; imposed on the taxpayer by temporary Prime Fantasist Jonah Burnbum; that 25% of the electorate got involved.
    The new Labour deadleg has the support of a massive 11.7% of those with a vote.

Zoom faster

Esso petrol has shot up gone up to 163.9p/litre and diesel is 183.9p/litre locally. Will the latest TACO after the threat of a huge attack on Iran was called off lead to a deal or more stalling? Most money is on the latter.

Winter freeze

Europe faces a gas crisis this winter thanks to the Middle East war. Reserve stocks are low now and things will be particularly bad in the UK, which has a long history of governments failing to keep adequate reserves.
● Labour’s policy of leaving all that gas under the North Sea untouched will make a bad situation worse. No one surprised.

The right approach

Should we be afraid of A.I? The Governor of the Bank of England has assured us that his bank and the National Cyber Security Centre will keep us safe. How? By working ‘at speed’ not ‘at pace’ to make it so.

Better qualified

It is being argued that Thievin Reeves should have been made the replacement Housing Minister, not the failed tax evader Angular Robot.
    Just think of all the foundations Thievin built when she was wrecking the economy, is the proposition on offer.

No different

Another leg, just as dead. No danger of Labour paying for the unnecessary election for a cosmetic mayor of Manchester forced on the public pocket by the previous incumbent lying about serving his full term.

Gasp!

Was that really 190 degrees the weather lady said before the lunchtime TV news? Or was it just my cloth ears in the next room being plonkers?

And so it goes on

An Albanian drug dealer and bogus refugee escaped deportation when he came out of gaol due to a defective immigration court ruling, which was binned ages later following an appeal by the Home Sec.
    Lotz of cash for the lawyers and no defective judge sacked or sent for retraining? No eviction of the bloke yet, of course.

Friday Nite Football

The Alouettes travelled to the nation’s capital on a beautiful night. The Als got close, on to a TD. The winless RedBlacks got inside the 10, held to a FG, 7-3. Inside the 5 for the Als, on to a TD.
    The RB drove into Q2, from the MA 1 on penalties, TD, 14-10. A TD back at them by the Als. Just a FG as the half ran down, 24-10. 3rd down at the MA 2, penalty, FG, 24-13.
    In Q3, the RB got to the MA 5, stopped.  TD the other way in the 10th minute. The Als stopped the RB when close on another 3rd down at the end of the quarter.
    Philpot got his 1,000 yards receiving on the way to a FG by the Als, 34-13. More Alexander to Philpot, no more scoring.

Just a bit late

The police in north London are trying to trace a thug who was wearing a lobster suit when he clobbered a young bloke and put him in hospital. This happened outside the venue for the World Darts Championship seven months ago!!
    Sounds like a lost cause to me.

Pity me

Isn’t it amazing how polyticians can always comes up with a sob story? Things that normal people can cope with because that’s life are always transformed into ‘poor little me’ stuff when a politico has a hand thrust out for donations.

It’s wot they do

Nice to see the world of astronomy rallying round the Jodrell Bank Observatory after the Labour lot cut off its funding to buy benefits votes.

Hot spot

Mallorca is a good place to go to watch protests against tourism pick fights with police; with tempers shortened by the hot weather. Just don’t look like a tourist if you want to avoid being clobbered by the locals.

Instant justice

“Here, catch that,” says the gym bully, throwing a barbell at his victim, who is knocked onto his back. Imagine the bully’s sense of shock and terror if his victim struggled to his feet, produced a handgun and put a bullet in each of the scumbag’s thighs. Why do you never see something like that in a TV drama?

Exported wealth

Labour is turning millionaires into an endangered species in the UK. Tax & waste policies have reduced their numbers to the lowest level since the Brown & Burnbum “eyes off the ball” financial crisis in 2008.

Not as advertised

You expect a heat wave to involve relentless sunshine but today started off sunny but we kept being clouded over more or less at random through the morning. And sun and no sun in alternation looks like the recipe for the day. We’re clearly located somewhere the panic mongers would prefer to ignore.