A question of gravity

Is it somehow worse for a government minister or a trade envoy to may, maybe might have leaked secrets to a paedophile rather than to any other sort of pal? Or does it just give the meeja an excuse to pad out stories with endless reshashes?

Just ignored

Another set of gangs which Bier Smarmer isn’t bothered about smashing is the gangs responsible for stealing £1 billion/year in goods from shops and large stores.
    The police treating steal-to-order expeditions as non-crimes and ignoring them hasn’t helped.

A defective system

How does a violent schizophrenic get to remain in the community and go on to become a triple killer? Because the wokes have got the medical trade worried about being called rachelist if a dangerous African import is locked up to protect the general public from him.

Just can-booters

Labour is becoming the party of the decade. Schools will be wonderful, but not for a decade. The court system will remain clogged clogged and full of delays for another decade, during which things will get a lot worse.
    Wot next?

Munitionfest

The Untied States and Israel are starting another war in the Middle East with attacks on Iran. Regime change by the mugs who live there is the aim (but considered unlikely) along with destruction of the capacity to make the missles which Iran is shooting at US bases in the region.

Labour stagnation

A Labour grandee, former minister A. Milburn, has revealed that young people are now detached from the jobs market thanks to the current schools curriculum.
    Elsewhere, the Labour party is being accused of creating a jobs apocalypse for graduates and the Fantasist of the Exchequer is getting the blame. A graduate’s job prospects are worse than during the Chinese plague shut-downs.

All change, all retire

A.I is also being positioned as a threat to Hollywood and the world’s film industry, including the bits here. No more action and lavish sets and mighty explosive detonations. Just images created using Chinese designed software with destroyed streets full of wrecked POLCIE cars. Lack of originality and lack of stars to turn up at awards ceremonies are problems yet to be solved if copyright theft is to be avoided in the artificial movie; although not for the A.I’s training.

Simply bogus

A.I images are getting the blame for making people shopping online think they’re buying goods from British companies. The customers are ending up with rubbish, and finding that they have to send it back to China at their own expense if they want to return it.

Empty Ambition

Good News: Reform UK want to deport 300,000 illegals per year.
Bad News: They’re not in government so they can’t.

Another lurker

A bloke whose relatives claimed he didn’t know how to use a gun has been shot dead at the US president’s Florida estate. He was confronted in the middle of the night whilst sneaking about with a can of petrol and a shotgun, and shot before he could use the gun. The president was in Washington at the time.

Small ripple

Is the by-election result from Gaza & Denton a sign that something significant is happening, as the BierBC wanted us to believe? Nah, looking at the numbers, it’s obviously a joke result from people who knew it didn’t matter; with dodgy doings going on at some of the polling stations.
    The results
Greens               19.6%
Reform              13.8%
Labour               12.2%
Cons.                 0.92%
Trivials              0.85%
Didn’t vote        55.7%

One down

The Mexican government has saved the US $15 million. That’s how much the Americans put on the head of the boss of a Mexican drug cartel, who was killed during a military operation to capture him. Wot effect will this have on the bits of the football World Cup that are supposed to take place in Mexico. FIFA now has a BIG headache.

Nice People

What’s the Green party all about now? The Middle East not Britain. Its members want Hamas off the list of terror organizations and, more or less, to make anti-Semitism compulsory.
    They want unlimited migration and free houses and Universal Credit payments for every foreigner arriving here and no deportations of bad guys. Free drugs next after the party leader legalizes everything and builds partnerships with every cartel in South America? And a free car? And a phone?

Nothing to see here

President trumPut’n ordered NASA to release all of its files on extraterrestrials as a means of taking a poke at ex-president B. O’bummer. Big letdown for alien-hunters. NASA’s administrator has revealed that the only stuff in the files that he can’t explain are the amounts of money blown on potty projects rather than anything to do with alien visitors.

Not a plague

Experts are now reacting to the move to get o’besity declared a disease. It ain’t, they say. It’s the result of choices, which may be inadvertent, and realizing this is a route to making better choices.

Vote Green, get stoned

In an effort to be even weirder than they are now, the Green party is shouting for the legalization of every drug going for recreational purposes.
    They’re also demanding drug-taking lessons for young kids in primary schools. Anything to get noticed?

Some way to go

Cardingham in Cornwall has been rained on every day since 31st December of 2025. But no record set yet. The unfortunate residents will have to put up with another 3 weeks of sogginess to equal or beat their existing record: 72 days of rain awarded to them in 2000.

Real, but not here

The US government is publishing UFO files after ex-president O’bummer joked on a podcast that aliens are real but he hadn’t seen any.
    Which gave President trumPut’n an excuse to boot him for leaking classified information!

Smarmer by gaslight

Food and fuel prices are falling, he sez. The first is a lie; food prices are continuing to rise. Fuel prices dipped due to world prices, not anything our government did, and they’re back up again.
    Inflation is 50% higher than it was when Smarmer’s Army started to mess us about, thanks to their bad choices. Unemployment is up and national security is down.
    And so it goes on.

Leadership failure

Health Sec. Wee Streeting banned the use of puberty blocking drugs after they were ruled a safety risk. But he was suddenly okay with a trial involving over 200 young children.
    That trial has now been blocked by the Department of Health over safety concerns.

Worthless wails

“Should one rotten apply destroy the House of Windsor?” is being asked by supporters who point out that it hasn’t happened to the likes of the Labour party, the BierBC and the sections of the Press which have been stuffed with more rotten apples than you can shake a stick at but which are still here.
    And what’s the alternative? A president like Sarkozy, Put’n, trumPut’n or some retired British political deadleg as head of state?

Not sold

The Milipede Mob is claiming that clean power is the only way to bring down bills for good. So why is none on offer?
    The production of windmills and solar panels uses processes that are anything but clean. And the cost of linking them to the National Grid is sending stupidly high bills even higher.
    But hey, what can we expect from politicians other than pathetic lies?

Having a miserable time

Researchers at Plymouth University have concluded that living somewhere that has had rain on every day this year is depressing. Climate change, over which we have no control, is getting the blame for 2026 sogginess.

Timely question

Are were really expected to believe that Prince Andrew was interrogated by Norfolk police for 11 hours, as I read? He was in their clutches for that long, but how much time was spent on getting him to the cop shop, getting his brief on the scene and all the rest of the preliminaries?
    So how long was spend on ‘interrogation’?
    Half an hour? An hour of the 11 hours?

One way to do it

The government has found that it can reduce the child poverty figures by means of closer scrutiny of the numbers. Benefits claimants have been under-reporting how much they get from the state by around 23%.
    Thus the government will issue revised numbers and claim to have lifted a huge number of kids out of poverty without actually doing anything more than cooking the books.
    Cute, or what!

Next for the chop?

If the House of Windsor is toppled by the combined efforts of masses of doombugger journalists, who will get their attention next?
    Could might maybe politicians have reason to be very afraid of their dirty secrets being excavated and/or recycled by journos with no Royals to slag off?
    Mentioning the presumption of innocence in passing then getting on with the serious slagging seems to be a standard operating procedure that works for the doombuggers.

Reload, retread, Reform

Someone else getting a booting is Mr. Farage from the garage. Wot for? Packmanning his shadow Cabinet with ex-Tories after deliverying the clear, plain and simple message: “Never trust a Tory” on anti-social meeja.
    Apparently, sticking a new label on people who were in the last Tory government turns them into reformed characters. Or so Mr. Farage would have us believe.

Not so fast!

The Supreme Court of the British Indian Ocean Territory has grotted on the attempt by the F.O. to remove the four ethnic Chagossians from the atoll where they parked; some 120 miles from the military base on Diego Garcia; and stick them in gaol for three years.
    The quartet have been awarded an injunction against the F.O. which, no doubt, will be wasting our cash on an appeal.

Wait and see; maybe

President trumPut’n has managed to baffle the world with his latest round of tariff adjustments. No one knows what’s going on – including the bloke causing all the chaos?

Start of a trend?

University College London has had to make a no-liability pay out to students who claimed they didn’t receive the education they paid for during the Chinese plague pandemic.
    Lots more like cases to follow?

More guesswork

The Office for Notional Sadistics has concluded that the healthy life expectancy of Brits is at its lowest level for a decade for those born two to four years ago. And those in wealthy areas can expect two more decades of wellness than paupers.
    No doubt Smarmer’s Army will invent a new tax for a levelling up campaign as it continues to govern by error and error.

More mismanagement?

Oh, dear. Lack of due diligence claims are haunting Bier Smarmer’s appointee as the next head of the snivel service. A history of sticking a hand in the taxpayer’s pocket, a history of pursuing everything woke, bullying allegations made to go away by the Cabinet Office. No wonder the news of the appointment was released to coincide with Prince Andrew’s arrest.

Another thing they do

SNP MPs at Westmonster are caught up in a VIP freebie jollies scandal like the Labour freebie clothes and freebie tickets for events scandal.
    One of the SNP freebie-hooverers even demanded an investigation of Bier Smarmer’s freebies, claiming they were eroding public trust. Hippocrite on steroids? Or does he think eroding public trust is the exclusive province of the SNP?

What they do

Removing Andrew Mwah from the line of succession to the throne via an Act of Parliament is the sort of pointless vindictiveness that useless politicians get up to as an alternative to doing something to the benefit of their customers.
    How typical that Trivial leader Eddie Gravy, the Post Office minister who let the Horizon Horror Happen and told us Prince Andrew was doing a grand job, is now trying to lead the charge against Andrew, who was made a trade envoy by New Labour.
    “He shamed our country” applies as much to Mr. Gravy as to anyone else.

Neat trick

How do you accuse a council which will be shoving its local tax rate up by 10% in April of demanding five times the rate of inflation from the customers?
    Assume that if inflation is 3% now, it could maybe might be down to 2% in April.

Get out of that!

President trumPut’n took a brief break from his campaign to intimidate Iran with a display of military might to wave two fingers at the US Supreme Court.
    The court dared to declare his reciprocal tariffs on imports from the rest of the world illegal. His response was to whack another set of tariffs on the rest of the world, which will add up to 15% in due course.

Goldarn silence

How to nark journos desperate for something to stick their name on – tell them you’re not going to drip-feed comments on an investigation-in-progress of your brother.
    Worked for King Chuck!

Close copies

The Galapagos turtle became extinct 150 years ago at the hands of human. Conservationists are now trying to restock Floreana Island in the chain with genetic models of the originals.
    The replacements have an age range of 8-13 and are big enough to stand up to the descendants of rats and cats which escaped from visiting ships.

Winter toll

Smarmer’s army is getting the blame for killing 2,544 pensioners during the 2024/25 winter by depriving them of the Winter Fuel Allowance. 1,630 were written off by a cold spell in the second week of January 2025.
    A spokes for Downing Street wittered about this winter and ignored the ishue of last winter completely, like they do.

Humans first

Morocco is getting a booting for trying to kill 3 million stray dogs before its turn to host the football World Cup comes around in 2030. The cull makes tourism safer in a country where 25 people per year die from rabies after being bitten by a dog.

Chemical challenge

Everyone walking around in headphones could be poisoning themself, the experts reckon. The plastics used by the manufacturers contain toxic chemicals, which can be absorbed by the skin and attack the brain and liver.
    The experts want the EFU to ban the use of a list of the toxic chemicals, which includes our old friends bisphenols A and S.

Dead stop

Contradictory messages are coming from the Untied States. The State Department (their F.O.) said the Smarmer Chagos betrayal is okay. President trumPut’n says it’s a big mistake. The betrayal Bill is now stalled here as our Prime Fantasist doesn’t know whether to go ahead with another U-turn.
● Four Chagossians with British passports sailed to what is still British territory. They are being threatened with 3 years in gaol by our wonderful Labour government. The one doing nothing about the small boat invasion of Britain.

Silliness on steroids

The daftest whinge about Sir J. Ratcliffe, the co-owner of Man. Utd. who dared to notice that illegal immigration is out of control, is that that he’s a hypocrite because his team contains foreign players.
    That’s foreign blokes who are here legally by invitation, and who are not a drain on the taxpayer, unlike the illegals.

Another of them surveys

One of the daftest ideas of the new year is that sitting down to put your socks on is a sign you’re past it rather than a routine convenience. The notion comes from the Untied States. Where else.

Distant scenario

Mr. Farage might think his team of Reform plus ex-Tories is the one to boot Smarmer’s Army into touch. One HUGE problem, though. They’re irrelevant until the 2029 general election. So that’s 3 more years of DIE – disaster, iniquity & exploitation.

Miaowww

It’s the gratuitous animal noises that let TV shows down. A cat is heard doing some squawking off-screen then we see one running to a feeding dish.
    Not something the Mansion cat ever does. She just gets on with going where she needs to be without squawking.

First, do lots of harm

Second, do even more. The Office for Notional Sadistics is giving the tax-trickster wrecking crew of Reeves and Rayner a booting for getting unemployment up to 5.2%, cancelling some 134,000 jobs in 2025 and getting youth unemployment here higher than in the EFU.
    And also shoving up public sector pay at twice the rate in the wealth-creating private sector.

One out, not all of them

Lord Squirmer was involved in the plan to cancel local elections to save Labour face. The U-turn, which will cost the taxpayer £63 million, could might maybe cost Local Government Sec. S Reed his Cabinet job. No danger to crony Squirmer, though.

Plus ça change

I’m reading a book that was written 50 years ago in the mid-1970s, and it was just like today back then. Foreigners were smuggling other foreigners into Britain and the government was doing nothing about it.
    Another book in my collection of the same vintage has refuse reclamation centres dotted around the country. The ultimate in recycling. Do we have anything like that? Joke.
    All we have is Milipedes instead of politicians with a working brain.

Lights out

How much confidence does it give you in Edstone Milipede’s scams and this government’s ability to keep the lights on when your local power company feels the need to distribute leaflets telling you: “There’s an easier way to get help during a power cut” on a picture of a message in a bottle in the sea in front of Blackpool Tower?

It works!

Guess the definition:
The word: gimlet
The answer: a kind of boring tool, e.g. Bier Smarmer

Doomsday dreams!

What do some of the bods at NASA lose sleep over? Being unable to deflect an asteroid or comet fragment over 460 feet in diameter which could cause serious damage if it hit the Earth.
    A trial in 2022 succeeded in changing the orbit of an asteroid. But there is nothing standing by now to deflect a killer chunk of space debris should one be detected sneaking up on us.

More Obfuscation

Bier Smarmer is using the alibi that he is a common sense merchant for his many U-turns. No information is on offer about where common sense comes in to it – for the original idea or the decision to junk it when his back-benchers saw a threat to their income.

Water wings at the ready

Soggy news for those Up North. It’s going to keep on raining until mid-March, says the Met Office.
    Floods, none of the rain going into reservoirs and hosepipe bans to follow?

Dictator dented

How very strange that the vast army of lawyers in and around Parliament failed to spot that the ‘necessary modernization’ to put local government deeper into Labour’s pocket was illegal and no excuse for cancelling council elections.
    All asleep on the job? Or just not up to it, like lawyer Bier?
    On the brighter side, it has been pointed out that if he can’t scrap local elections, he won’t be able to scrap the 2029 general election. Or rather, his successor won’t be able to.

Green elephant

Around £24 million of taxpayers’ money has been blown on an Edstone scam at Portsmouth docks. The idea was to offer ships an electricity supply when they’re moored at the dockside to let them stop burning marine fuel. But the gadgets have no connection to the National Grid and no one knows when, or if, this will happen.
    Worse, it would be four times more expensive for ships to use the electricity on offer than consuming marine fuel thanks to Milipede driving up the cost of dockside power.

Another one down the drain

The Bank of England has shed its image as a rock of formality and respectability with its new, woke guidance for staff. They can turn up for work in a suit with high heels and make-up, should they so desire. And blokes in a frock can have a beard.
    Will anyone be able to take the Governor seriously now? Or when he gets up to make a world-shattering statement, will everyone be wondering what brand of eye-shadow he’s wearing?

Edstone fail

No surprise that people living in the more rural parts of England and Scotland are not going for electric vehicles. Getting to chargers, the lack of range and the sheer cost of buying EVs are major factors. Also worries about reliability.

A dearth of truth

The Green party, led by a bloke with a history as a con-merchant who claimed women can increase the size of their boobs just by thinking about it, is being accused of trying to bamboozle the voters in nearby Gorton & Denton with bogus data and fake endorsements.

He must be dizzy now

24th U-turn for the Prime Fantasist – all those local elections he tried to cancel to save Labour face are back on again. A swift challenge by Reform UK, the expected big gainer, left the government’s lawyers realizing that the cancellation was probably illegal.

Metalflation

Corb limey! Back when The Sweeney was first on TV (1975), Kurger Rands containing an ounce of gold were a mere 96 quid apiece. What’s gold per ounce now? $5,000!!!

Bought and paid for

The government has put a halt to requiring public bodies to record the amount of time lost to letting staff work part-time, or even full-time, for a trade union, and how much it costs us.
    The taxpayer was done for £19 million last year. £29 million this year now that there’s no scrutiny?
    Meanwhile, the Squeaker of the Commons is trying to be secretive about the amount of our cash he blows on his globe-trotting. Entitlement Rulz, Nokay!

Just a thought . . .

Are they going to find some way to blame the suspicious death in prison of the much talked about J. Epstein on agents of Put’n the Poisoner? It would certainly give the conspiracy theorists something else to go on about.
    Was he killed to prevent him from revealing details of money-laundering he was doing for Put’nstan and the intelligence data he was passing on? As part of a get out of gaol early deal?
    Whatever, it adds to the questions about the part the dodgy staff at the New York detention centre played in the ishue. An assassin disguised as an inmate allowed to swan about there? Who knows!

Big slip-up

It’s very strange that GenZ girls are going to into meltdown at showings of the newly released pastiche of E. Bronte’s classic Wuthering Heights because it doesn’t have a happy ending after all the gratuitous bonking. No trip to Mr. Internet to seek trigger warnings and a plot summary?

Today’s Questions

1. Is it treason to arrest someone who is 8th in the line of succession to the Throne and will the coppers involved have to arrest themselves?
2. Will someone arrested for misconduct in a public office be treated in the same way as politicians, i.e. sidelined and given a big payoff?
3. Were the cops sent in to distract attention from the mockery over Smarmer’s latest U-ey?

If only

What the headline should have said:
Why a full police inquiry into Andrew Mwah is the only way to give newspapers lots of stuff to put between the adverts

Newer is not always better

I see Corsodyl gum toothpaste has binned the update to its TV advert and gone back to the lively ‘High Five!’ lady. A very wise choice.

Easy choice

Which should we be worried about more – that our NATO ambassodor in Brussels (55, separated from his wife) is shacked up with a female assistant (29, single)? Or that he’s the sort of bloke who lets 50 pages of top secret defence documents fall out of his briefcase at a bus stop in Kent and end up in a puddle for a member of the public to find?

More ’uman rites

Three judges have ruled that the Palestine Action gang haven’t commit enough vandalism to be proscribed as terrorists. Not just yet, anyway.
    Government insiders are calling this quote bonkers unquote and the Home Sec. will appeal against the decision. Maybe she’ll be told exactly how much criminal damage constitutes terrorism. But don’t hold your breath.

Just another day

The experts have concluded that Valentine’s Day is now a bit of a drag and people wish it would go away. And if spending on it is going up by 12% this year for something people don’t enjoy; probably thanks to government tax rises; perhaps Valentine’s time has come.

No surprise

An anonymous contributor to the Daily Disaster’s letters page was surprised to find coal from the bottom of a depleted coal shed burned brighter and hotter than briquettes.
    No mystery, my fuel expert told me. Coal is mainly carbon, which is combustible. Briquettes are coal diluted with lots of cement and have a much lower fuel content.

Which colour really?

Are the Greens copping for Red Gold? That’s one explanation for why their leader is so keen to parrot Put’n propaganda and enough members want us out of NATO to get it on the agenda at their party conference.

Fair exchange

The chemist chain Boots is running a trial to find out if there is cash to be made out of offering customers a fat-jab instead of a meal at lunchtime. 17 stores around Britain will be involved in the trial, which offers on-line and walk-in appointments.

Another observation

Quite a few people concluded that Angrier Robot getting her hair cut was aimed at putting a photograph in her scrap album of The Good Old Days. She’ll have to do the job herself when she’s helped to drive the hairdressing trade into extinction with her bogus workers’ right.

Attention-seeker

Why is Gordon F. Broon suddenly sticking his nose into every ishue going and making demands? What is the blighter after? We should be told.

Perceptive observation

A Daily Disaster reader reckons that Bier Smarmer won’t resign until he’s had a freebie trip; on the taxpayer; to every country in the world. Only about another 160 to go.

Wind of change

More private schools will close this year thanks to the combined efforts of the Fantasist of the Exchequer and the Education Sec. to tax them out of existence, putting the public sector under even more pressure.
    Meanwhile, the boss of Ofsted wants to reduce the summer break to 4 weeks and move exams to cooler parts of the year than May to June.
    Teachers will go along with the 4-week idea as long as the Ofsted boss goes ahead with longer half-term breaks and keeps the teachers’ holiday entitlement the same as it is now.

Another one from the A.I

The Daily Disaster A.I text checker, which gave us the now legendary line-break classic ‘supery-acht’, has offered us the new gem ‘ope-nAI’ at a line-break in a story mentioning this tech company.

Polytics explained

Euphemism: soft-Left
Translation: soft as in ‘soft in the head’

Just making up the numbers

“Does the government really need a head of communications on the payroll?” is being asked as another one slides down the disposal chute. Given that most of what we hear from this government is incoherent rubbish, the answer has to be “No!”
    And the same for the Cabinet Sec. and the Downing Street chief of staff?

Customer contribution

The campaign to Clean Up Britain wants people receiving universal credit to spend 4 hours per month picking up litter as a way of showing their gratitude to the nation.
    But like that will happen with a Labour government.

No corners turned

The government has achieved a new world record for customers kept waiting for more than 12 hours for a hospital bed whilst in an A&E department. The overall waiting list for treatment remains at around 7.3 million hopefuls.

Hippocrisy on steroids

Angrier Robot, sidelined for dodginess, is trying to blame the decline of the entertainment sector (and the pub the bans on Labour MPs) on Thievin’s tax rises.
    Not a word about the extra burdens of her workers’ rights Bill, which will do even more deadly damage to every business which dares to show enterprise and make a profit.

Rare event

Crumbs! The bliar institute for everything has come up with some good sense. Driving a country which releases less than 1% of human emissions of carbon dioxide into decline with high energy prices isn’t climate leadership, as Edstone Milipede claims, it’s just climate theatre.
    To which can be added that leaving our oil and gas in the ground and claiming we’re at the mercy of foreign petrostates is typical Edstone BS.

Just 100% wrong

Surprise! Data analysis by the Sunday Post, Scotland’s favourite newspaper, has found that time in gaol is more effective at preventing re-offending than letting young criminals off with a payback skive in the community.
    Guess which option our wonderful Labour justice secretary is pushing.

File under ‘G’ for Gaslighting

Are we impressed by government claims that the vetting process for jobs like our ambassodor to the US is defective? Not even a little bit as we know that the people doing the vetting can be very dodgy, and even more dodgy politicians skew the system to get whoever’s in favour into the job, no matter how many skeletons he or she has rattling around in his/her closet.

One step forward . . .

What do you get when councils buy new bin lorries with a crusher to compact the load? Bin lorries going up in flames when lithium batteries in vapes, etc., go into thermal runaway.

More blood on his hands

Are we surprised to get confirmation that Put’n the Poisoner had opposition leader A. Navalniy murdered in a Siberian prison camp using an exotic toxin from South American frogs?
    Nah, it’s what he does.

Desperate delusion

Bier Smarmer is now being likened to the legendary Spanish warrior El Cid, whose dead body was strapped to a horse to lead his followers to victory in a battle with the insurgent Moors.
    One major problem with this reimagination: Smarmer’s Army ain’t gonna win this tussle. And the Moor-free period didn’t last anyway.

Low-flying & Lurking

Twitchers are flocking to Westmonster, hoping for a glimpse of the vultures which are circulating over the Houses of Parliament. And their national association is doing its best to keep Smarmer’s Army in place to give the nation’s twitchers a chance to add these exotic birds to their personal sightings catalogue.

Door left open

The equalities minister, B. Phillipson, hasn’t included workplaces in official government guidance following the now ancient High Court ruling on the definition of sex.
    Blokes in frocks will remain free to invade what should be female spaces for . . . ever?
    And the full official guidance will be on offer ‘sometime before the end of this Parliament’ if we’re lucky?

Today’s other question

Q: Is Paedopal Pal Bier ever going to stop the gaslighting, lying and hippocrisy, and his pretending to ensure the highest standards in public life?
A: No chance. It’s what he does.

Another blunder

Labour’s plan to give the vote to 16-year-olds is likely to do the Green party the most good, opinion pollsters have found. Which makes the scam another Smarmer flop.
    Meanwhile, the Green party is now the new home for the far-Left anti-Semites, who want to turn all of historic Palestine into a single state rather than a Jewish base plus occupied territories.

Today’s Question

Q: Why did someone have to invent ‘smart’ underpants?
A: So that researchers in the US could find out if the accepted average of 14 farts per person per day is realistic.
    They actually found that the fart rate varies between 4 and 50 per 24 hours, according to diet, and their new average is 32. Based on a study of 19 adults.

Just stoopidly wrong

Anyone who claims that M. McSweety masterminded a general election win for Labour in 2024 is getting a booting.
    Everyone knows that ‘winning’ with the votes of just 20% of the electorate was all down to Mr. Farage from the garage and his ‘Vote Reform, Get Labour’ campaign.

Shut the hell up!

Newspapers which publish lists of the best places to live are getting a booting from the top spots. Cowboy developers rush in with planning applications for thousands of new houses to be built on green fields in places where there is inadequate infrastructure, which, bitter experience shows, the local council will fail to upgrade.

Another Labour scam

Patients moved from one room to another at a hospital’s A&E department will now be deemed to have been attended to under the 4-hour target for treatment, discharge or admission to a hospital ward – even though none of the above has been applied to the customer.

Lost or never found

Mr. t.b. liar’s freebie-blagging by the sackful wife has revealed in a documentary made by Channel 4 about her old man’s period as PM that he lost touch with reality at the end of it.
    This is something no one accuses Bier Smarmer and his gang of as none of them has ever had any contact with reality.

Today’s Observations

1. A Downing Street spokes denied that Bier is planning as new class war, confirming that this will be his next move.
2. Bier’s claim to be the only working class PM in the history of the Universe has been mocked by those who remember Ted Heath and John Major.
3. “It should be our mission to ensure that persons deserving only of contempt receive it in abundance.”
4. Labour’s abuse of the economy is having the same effect on small businesses as the Chinese plague – without all the inconvenience of all the illness.

Edstone’s Aim

Milipede has proclaimed: “We are a government whose central purpose is to stand up for the powerless not the powerful.”
    How’s he going to do this?
    By making power so expensive that everyone will end up unable to afford it and therefore powerless and at the mercy of the government.
    You Have Been Warned!!

Here’s hating you!

The RSPCA branch in Altrincham came up with a cute fund-raiser for its campaign to neuter a colony of feral cats at Barton. Pay £10 to name a cat after a love-rat ex-partner as a Valentine’s Day gesture before the animal is snipped and released.

Bier bashed more

This time, it’s for giving a peerage to a backroom bandit who was pally with an ex-Labour councillor and paedophile.

A fair, if lengthy, question

Does focussing on Petie Mandelsleaze-Darkness, or Petie MD as he’s known for short, and Prince Andrew whilst ignoring the crowds of individuals who make up the many grooming gangs have anything to do with Labour’s history of not interfering with the gangs to retain the Moslem vote and not wanting to smash gangs of any description?

Downs as well as ups

There seems to be a growing industry aimed at charting the side effects of fat jabs. Is there a part of the human body they don’t affect? Don’t count on it. One disaster swapped for another is where we’re going.

Weasels on the prowl

Could it be that the House of Windsor is not offering the grovelling apology demanded by the attention-seekers for a good reason?
    There’s nothing like hearing the word ‘sorry’ for getting the ambulance-chasers revving their motors for compenbluddysation in huge amounts; from which they will skim a majority.

More could & maybe

Drinking 2-3 cups of coffee per day may maybe might ward off dementia, the experts reckon. Or not. Tea is also as good (or not) as it also contains caffeine.

Eye on the future

The Met Office now has a super-duper computer which it claims can be used to warn airlines of disruptions due to fog and bad weather 2 weeks in advance.
    Weather events likely to disrupt travel on the ground will be spotted earlier, and local forecasts for the following 14 days will be on offer.

Smarmerism Clarified

1. Claim you’re not a politician and ignore questions like: “Why are you posing as one, then?”
2. Recruit people to tell you what you should say and pretend to believe in, such as the sacked Mr. McSweety and the 4 directors of communication who got the boot over the last year.
3. If what you’re told is rubbish, it’s the fault of the briefing crew, not the bloke who picked them.
4. Feel free to lie your head off even after establishing a reputation for dishonesty.
5. Try not to look too smug when a bungler like Scottish Labour leader Anass Aahwaa tries to topple you and fails miserably.

Something desperately needed

What we need is a new law about vexatiously demanding an apology from someone who did not commit the ALLEGED crimes of another person or their or someone else’s ancestors.
    A penalty of £10,000 for each count of vexation would be a good start, with a requirement to pay ALL legal costs after conviction. And a bigger penalty if the vexation continues.

Robot’s Revenge?

What we’d like to know is why HMRC is dragging its feet over whether Angrier Robot’s failure to pay £40K tax on her £800K seaside holiday home is a crime.
    Could the Mandarins be worried about the effect on their careers if they do their job honestly and Labour still makes her the party’s leader?

Just another fantasy

“Every fight I’ve been in, I’ve won,” claimed our PM. What about the one to frame entertainers and Tory politicians for child abuse and murder when he was Dir. of Public Prostitutions?
    More dishonesty from a bloke who’s made a career out of it. And cutting excessive welfare payments to Labour voters, Bier? What about that one?

Twice as worse

Bier Smarmer is importing illegals at twice the rate experienced during the Tory years with President Boris and the Snackstabber in charge.
    Bier’s world record was given a boost by his decision to waste the best part of a billion quid of our money on cancelling the Rwanda export plan with nothing as effective on offer.
    Bier’s flagship one in, one out, one back scam with the French has been assessed and found to be having Nett Zero impact.

Bum-biter

As people get fed up with the Mandelsleaze and Andrew Mwah bombardment, some of them are starting to notice the ishues about which the government is doing bugger all. Such as the grooming gangs, which have to be ignored to protect Labour votes.

No cigar

It seems Jonah Burnham has bogged up the catch phrase he nicked from the Game of Drones TV series. He should be calling himself the Deadleg in the North rather than the Deadleg of the North. Either way, though, he’s still a deadleg.

Bangers are best

Motorists are hanging on to cars for longer, a survey by the AA has found. They’re doing it to avoid a government road tax scam, which was introduced for vehicles registered after April 2017. One-third of cars in circulation are now over a decade old.

Get lost!

A vexatious litigant, who has won just one of 60-70 claims seeking compenbluddysation for discrimination, has been banned from continuing with his racket. Which means he’ll need to find another career.
    Even though he had a solitary win, he has been paid thousands of pounds to buy him off as a cheaper alternative for a firm being dragged to a tribunal to waste time and money on a hopeless case brought by Mr. Vexatious.

Wet to the point of saturation

This year is setting records for getting rain on every day and monster floods. And there’s more rain to come as February progresses. No satisfactory explanation for all this wetness is on offer yet. New lie or a recycled one? Maybe that’s the problem.

More of it

Another Daily Disaster reader was wondering if the Labour MP C. Bryant would be worried that the Mandelsleaze is now a rival for his internet-exhibitionist title Captain Underpants.
    A third DD reader on a particularly good day was wondering if DEFRA would organize diversity days so that middle-class countryside residents could visit ethnic inner-city zones which are irrelevant to their lives.

Milipede fraud exposed

The Department of Energy, source of Edstone Milipede’s BS on Nett Zero, doesn’t use green energy. It uses brown energy from fossil fuels. Milipede’s alibi is that the power is bought by the Crown Commercial Service, which has to deliver value for money, which excludes using Milipede’s overpriced green energy. Which exposes all his claims that Green Is Good as just more Labour Lies.

Judicial Pragmatism

A Daily Disaster reader pointed out that the Cranston inquiry into deaths of small boat invaders made 18 recommendations; none aimed at the criminal gangs, the invaders themselves, the French or the EFU.
    Could that be because Professor Cranston, formerly a judge and a Labour MP, assumed they’d take no bloody notice of his conclusion? But HM Coastguard and the Marine Accident Investigation Branch would have to go through the motions at the very least?

Just a blip

Is Mr. J.B. Zos, the Amazon boss, going to be even mildly concerned about a $20 billion slump in the value of his company’s shares after the A.I bubble burst a bit?
    Nah. Not if what’s left is still worth $180 billion.

Flopperoony

Analysis by the AA has found that 50% of the 16 smart motorways they examined give poor or low value for money. The scam has been a catastrophic waste of time, effort and our money.
    Particularly catastrophic for those who were killed on these motorways when the system broke down. Or didn’t work as advertised from Day One.

Magic money tree wilt

The special educational needs racket is set to leave 70% of local councils insolvent by 2028. As with everything else in the welfare budget, the government is dragging its feet over doing anything useful.

We know, we know

Time is running out for embattled PM said the headline.
    We know, we know, we know ’coz we’ve been told that over and over and over for ages now. How about giving us some actual news instead of this gunk?

Perp plundering

Cynics are wondering if the coppers with body cameras who did over the Mandelsleaze residences with a meeja presence will sneak the stuff back when they find nothing new in the ‘boxes of evidence’ removed for clicking cameras.
    And how much the whole stunt will cost the taxpayer.

Archive Angrier Rayner

When asked if she wanted to move up from deputy to PM, she said: “No chance. It would age me 10 years in 6 months.”
    So just another Labour liar? No one surprised by something like that from the woman who kept yelling: “Tory sleaze!”, and failed to pull off a stamp duty dodge on her £800K seaside holiday home. And who still hasn’t paid the £40K owed because the tax mob are being made to drag their little feet.

Masses of me-too

Amazing, isn’t it. Some film actress recalls a fling with an older male star (now deceased) and the newspaper scribe has her own older bloke story to fill up the majority of her page. No, a whole bunch of flings!

‘Nick’ out of it

The criminal fantasist C. Beech, who bamboozled gullible coppers with tales of a VIP paedophile and murder ring, is out of gaol (see Operation Midland).
    He has been confined for less than half of his 18-year sentence thanks to Labour leniency.
● Former Labour deputy leader T. Watson collected a peerage despite his part in the scandal.

More cluelessness

Repairing the crumbling Palace of Westmonster will take 19 to 24 years and cost £16 billion if MPs, peers and their hangers-on  can be moved elsewhere. Otherwise, with that lot getting in the way, the job won’t be completed until 2087 at the earliest and the bill will top £40 billion.
    The result of the planned changes, according to former MP J. Rees-Mogg, will be something that looks like a tart’s boudoir, not restoration.

Medically misleading

How much can you trust the people in the world of medicine? A review of the side-effects attributed to statins has found that 94% have been bogusly blamed on statins and lotz more people could benefit from them. As well as the manufacturers.

Elfishness no excuse

I was interested to read that Alton Towers has stopped people with ADHD disability cards from jumping the queues for scary rides, and I agree with the observation that it’s weird that people with genuine anxiety who can’t cope with the real world would want to be on one in the first place.

One he got right

It seems President trumPut’n didn’t appreciate the Puerto Rican crap rapper doing his deadly half-time show in Spanish at Bowl of Soup 60. [triple-fast-forward for the Mansion’s recording]
    “One of the worst EVER” was the presidential verdict. Hear, Hear!

Beguilement on demand

What’s a pathetic distraction from a failing government’s sins? How about having a go at the boss of failing Man. Utd. for daring to notice that illegal immigration is out of control?

Money-maker

Following the trumPut’n ramblings about strolling in and taking over Greenland, a Danish bakery is doing good business with a new product; orange ‘moron cakes’.

Another busted flush or two

Wee Streeting is getting the Mandelsleazing treatment. Oh, look at them together in this latest photo! Wee as PM? No way.
    Does that leave the way clear for Angrier Rayner? Or will there be questions asked about how she could afford an £800K seaside second home? That’s questions which never receive a satisfactory answer. Or are made to go away, like what’s happening with the still on-dragging investigation by HMRC of the $40K she tried to dodge paying.
    Are we going to end up with Pixie Balls as a temporary prime monster until Labour can find someone who doesn’t have unfortunate associations and actually knows something about the way the world works?

Conclusion

If Bier Smarmer is a total deadleg, then all the MPs and others who made him their party leady and told us he has more knees than a whole swarm of bees have to be either gullible idiots or lying bastards like Bier himself. Some choice!

No rings, not five!

The Winter Olympics in Italy are continuing despite attempts by violent thugs to sabotage events. Attacks have been made on the transport system infrastructure by attention-seekers with a range of causes including the inevitable global warming swindlers. The police overtime bill will be HUGE.

Make do and mend

One of the consequences of the Labour policy of collapsing the economy is that people are turning to DIY repairs rather than throwing things away and replacing them. Good news for the glue manufacturing firm which did the survey, though.

The way forward

Japan has 9 million unoccupied homes, 14% of the national stock. What we need to do is ship illegals there to make use of an underused resource and to do useful work to keep a people with a shrinking population afloat.

The complete quote

“He betrayed our country, our Parliament and my party,” droned Bier Smarmer. “All of which are my jobs.” Bit this somehow got chopped out of the recording.

Widened Vision

Is it likely that the investigators trying to find out where Mandy got the £8 million used to buy a mansion will broaden their task? We’d all be interested to know how a former shop steward from the poor part of Stockport like Angrier Rayner got £800K to blow on a seaside summer second home. The one she didn’t manage to do the tax swindle on. Well, not quite yet.

Who’s bought Rayner?

If this flawed and uncouth person has a million-pound ‘war chest’, we want to know who tossed cash into it and how many billions of pounds of our money is it going to cost the rest of us to pay off those who have bought her.

Do Blackshirts need to be washed?

An academic with a book on fascism to sell is suggesting that Mr. Farage from the garage is our era’s version of sometime MP Oswald Mosley. In fact, our author can see fascism taking over Europe and America in the next decade!

Crashing the Community

How to stop the Scots from drinking: put the rates on their pubs up by 567%, as happened to one in Glasgow, the Sunday Post told us. That’s not sustainable and the pub is expected to close.
    But will that stop people from drinking? Only in public. They can still do it at home after shop-lifting a couple of bottles of whisky from their local supermarket, knowing the police won’t get in their way.

Another Observation

Q: How can you tell that a picture of the Mandelsleaze in his underpants is a deep fake?
A: The pants are not on fire.

Thugs on the loose

The police in Scotland are getting a booting for ignoring the regular violent attacks on shopkeepers and their staff. The so-called justice system is also in the firing line for failing to treat attacks on the people running shops as seriously as they deserve.

Way off beam

A. Neil of the Daily Disaster needs to get out into real life. Bier Smarmer’s successor ‘could’ be worse? What garbage. ‘Will be infinitely worse and even more of a total disaster’. No question.

Not reassuring

Bier Smarmer is in real trouble if he has to get someone like Gordon F. Broon to tell the BierBC that Smarmer is a really great guy and the freebie-scoffing Bier is a man of integrity.
    Lest we forget, Mr. Broon was an even worse Chancellor than Thievin, who created the blueprint for her tax ‘n’ waste agenda. He’s also the bloke who was too busy trying to use the banks to buy votes for Labour in Scotland to regulate them, and they went bust on his watch after their bosses fell for the sub-prime mortgage scam in the US.

Back at you!

Crossword clue that will bug the hell out of trumPut’n:
    Q: Country bordering Canada (3)
    A: USA

Today’s observation

When confronted with a photo of Prince Andrew (fully clothed) larking about with a female person (also fully clothed), only a lying bastard would claim to find the picture disturbing rather than mildly interesting.
    Sadly, the worlds of polyticks and the meeja seem to be well stocked with them.

Worst possible taste

Suicide statistics show that men are well ahead but women are catching up. Which leaves us wondering when are we going to get the ludicrous Left demanding ethnic proportionality? Or those promoting the transpicater cause joining in?
    There’s always some attention-seeking control-freak with nothing useful to do.

Dark days ahead

Gangster grandson and Mandelsleaze buddy Wee Streeting, failed tax dodger(?) Angrier Rayner, The walking catastrophe Jonah Burnham and the eternally clueless Edstone Milipede. Is there no end to the procession of deadlegs hoping to stab Bier Smarmer in the back and get into No. 10?
    [No. Ed.]

Schmeducation

Wonks in the university business are trying to exchange merit for ethnicity. They want university ratings to be based according to how many non-white people get top degrees and hold top jobs.
● This is part of the control-freak agenda for cancelling the traditional British way of life, which included imposing ethnic quotas on rural areas.

Smarten up!

Old blokes are being ordered to wear a tie by a self-appointed fashion guru. She reckons slobification of male dress needs to be checked and wearing a shirt and tie hides a wrinkly neck.
    Note: So does wearing a jumper with a big roll neck and it’s both smart and more comfortable.

Could be discriminatory

There is always agitation on the Left for an end to the monarchy because the peasants think they might cop for a share of the loot. But not by all of the lefties. Some have royal delusions.
    Which ones? How about ‘the Prince of Darkness’? And the deluded ‘King of the North’?

Simple screening test

Any politician who claims he/she didn’t know the Mandelsleaze was a liability when Smarmer made him our ambassordor to the US is a lying bastard and unworthy of any government job.
    Tests don’t get any simpler than that.

No joy yet

The optiminsts in the business sector’s observation gallery are daring to think a boom in the economy is on the way as entrepreneurs in the private sector come to terms with Labour’s disastrous tax grabs.
    The pessimists are wondering if this will just encourage Labour to grab even more wealth from the people who generate it to hand to their public sector parasites.
    Especially if the boom hopes are buoyed by the A.I bubble, which remains highly likely to go pop.

File under ‘S’ for Smarmer

One of Bier’s nominees for bulking up the House of Frauds with Labourites is an actual one. She has been claiming for decades that she has a Ph.D when she ain’t got one. Something which the vetting process for this Labour party donor failed to detect.
    Another job for the members of the Smarmer Compendium to get on with – claiming, yet again, that Beir is Blameless.

We have the solution!

A survey by a healthy drinks firm has concluded that most young people are too exhausted to do anything much most of the time. Including cooking meals and doing anything other than messing about with a phone.
    Could scoffing more of the drinks be the answer they’re supposed to arrive at?

Don’t buy it

Just how convincing is it for Beir Smarmer to claim that he didn’t know that the wheels would come off if he gave the job of abassodor to the Untied States to someone who was sacked from tony b. liar’s Cabinet twice for abuse of office?
    Either he wasn’t paying attention, which means he’s not fit to be PM, or he’s lying, which he does rather a lot.

He still has his uses

It’s interesting to note that the Mandelsleaze is not completely beyond the pale and he can still be quoted as an trustworthy source by a journalist doing an exposé on the lies and duplicity of Bier Smarmer. You have to be really desperate for someone to slag off Mandy if you have to resort to Baroness Harperson.
    Whatever, it looks like Smarmer will end up doing a Chagos Job on his backroom bloke McSweety before long; when the urgency of the blame shedding operation gets to a state of extreme desperation.

Bowl of Soup 60

That logo is naff and lacking in dignity. Anyhow, in the match, the Squawks kicked a FG to top off the opening drive them made the Patriots go 3 & out. Not much for the highlight reel. Defence was the story of the first half, which included lots of sacks and 2 more FGs from the Squawks.
    Some crap rapper was incomprehensible at half time. Triple fast forward!
    The Squawks kicked a FG 6 minutes in to Q3. Then lotz of defence. Big surprise in Q4! The Squawks actually found the NE end zone after 2 minutes! 19-0. One back for NE in response to a punch by a stroppy Squawk, 19-7, 12:27 to go. The Squawks kicked another FG in the 10th minute, 22-7, game over? It was after a defensive mugging gave the Squawks another TD. NE managed another TD in the 4½ minutes left, no +2. 29-13 final.
    Defences win championships; true.

Could be!

I’ve just finished reading the paperback edition of History Without The Boring Bits by Ian Crofton (2008) and I now know that in 2003, the Father Christmas World Congress ruled that Santa Claus has his home in Greenland, not Lapland.
    Could that be why President trumPut’n is so keen to annex the place?

More useless wokeism

DEFRA, the Environment mob, is demanding cash to stock the countryside with ethnic minorities. It’s too white and middle-class at present, according to the wonks with diversity quotas to fill.
    And too many people out in the sticks speak English as their first language, as far as the wonks are concerned.

Another illusion

British Armed Forces, including the Royal Navy, are to be allowed to shoot down drones which buzz them or their bases stroke ships. If they ever get the equipment needed to do it from a government which is more interested in buying welfare votes.

Not a real solution

It’s all very well for Reform UK to come up with a 5-point plan to Save Our Pubs but will there be any left by the time Nigel gets a shot at being PM. Which is two and a half years away at the earliest.

It’s The System

Is it news that the Mandelsleaze got a big pay-off when he was sacked from the job of ambassodor to the USA? Of course, it isn’t. He’s a politician and they always cop for a loada dosh whatever they’ve done.
    Was anyone taken in by displays of outrage from the usual suspects? Of course, not. Everyone responsible for giving the cash to the Mandelsleaze knew that there would be a row about it. They also knew they wouldn’t get the sack for doing it because of the degree of corruption and injustice in The System.

Neat Trick

In a newspaper story about a French bloke who stuffed a World War I artillery shell up his bum and needed hospital treatment to have it removed, we were told that bomb disposal experts were called to ‘diffuse’ the shell.
    Does that mean the hospital staff made the 8" long by 1" diameter shell just disappear into the environment rather than defusing it?
    The hospital’s severely dodgy customer was later interviewed by the police as a preliminary to being charged with bumming around with a bomb.

Smarmer Swindle

Our wonderful government is paying hospitals a total of £3 million per month to remove customers from their waiting lists so that the government can lie about reducing waiting times for treatments.
    Worse, hospital figures show that fewer patients were treated in the months when the government claims an increase in treatments.
    “Creating the illusion of doing something is more important that actual action.”

Some choice

“How can a man with a record for lying and poor judgement remain as PM?” we are being asked by pundits. Who obviously can’t see that all that the Labour party has to offer as an alternative is someone even worse than Bier!

An observation

The Deadleg of the North has gone rather quiet of late. Could it be that he has finally realized that no one who counts is all that interested in Jonah’s little fantasies?

There was a process

Bier Smarmer’s stance on the Mandelsleaze appointment as the UK ambassodor to the US seems to be that everything sloshing around now was in the public domain at the time of the appointment, and the vetting process gave Mandy an okay. And all the fuss is more about the personal ambitions of those who want to replace Bier than anything new and shocking.
    There’s also a sub-text of ‘what’s wrong with telling lies if you’re a politician anyway?’ It’s something the would-be Bier substitutes do all the time when they’re not trying to pull off tax swindles. Despite all the po-faced denials.

Political make-believe

The thing about the three million Epstein documents released in the US is that they let us be bombarded with speculation.
    ‘Potentially, could have, maybe’ are all deployed mercilessly with no proof on offer by the attention-seekers that any of the invented crimes actually happened.

Yeah, right!

The Prime Fantasist is claiming he has an Immunity Tariff, which protects him from the consequences of doing all sorts of favours for the Mandelsleaze.

Unreal people

The Commons Select Committee on International Aid is going out and about to find out what the public think of it. That’s members of the public who take a cut out of transporting UK taxpayers’ cash to various bits of Africa and the West Indies.

One the wonks missed

The following programme contains images of people smoking tobacco!! Get out of that as a trigger warning!

More discriminatoryTiers

Two Romanian migrants were busted for theft from high-end shops whilst working for an Albanian gang as professional shoplifters. The bloke got 24 months in gaol. The woman got only 18 months.
    Both out in 10 minutes under Smarmer’s new rules?

Lifestyle shift

The drinks trade has been cheered a little by a switch in habits. Dry January became Damp January this year with less of a dip in sales than expected.

Remembered favourably

It seems there are people around who remember The Invaders from the 1970s, when it was shown on BBC2(?). They recall the disused diner and the der-rer ominous music, but the contents of the episodes have gone after 50 years and, apart from David Vincent triumphing each time, the plots are all ‘as new’.

The downs and downs of politics

An analysis of Britain’s investment prospects has arrived at Downing Street. A prediction of an increase of 0.8% during 2026, made before the Fantasist’s disastrous Budget last November, has been revised to a decrease of 0.2%.

An air of resignation?

The Metropolitan Police, currently raiding his London homes, say the Mandelsleaze investigation is complex and needs some actual evidence. Otherwise, sleazing and reckless speculation will have to do?

Even more tiers

If you kick the coppers who turn up to sort out a loud domestic incident at your home, how do you avoid going to gaol for assault, as the guidelines require?
    Claim it’s all the fault of the menopause.

Only Illegals Matter

His own MPs are having to tell Bier Smarmer that putting illegal immigrants into new council houses in preference to British citizens on a waiting list is a Bad Idea.
    Especially if it costs the MPs their jobs and perks and fiddles. Isolated as he is from real life, this is something that didn’t occur to Bier.

No Escape

A couple of Aussies have brought Chinese plague restrictions to the Winter Olympics in Italy. No hand-shaking and face masks in crowded areas to start with.
    Something more severe is bound to follow if things get out of hand.

Story as in fiction

Epstein Russian honey trap shock-horror? Help! We’re all doomed. But on closer inspection, it turns out to be a false alarm over a misprint. For ‘trap’ read ‘crap’. As for most of the rest of the fantasies.

Another Betrayal

The reason why Labour is letting our Armed Forces go to wrack and ruin has been exposed. Smarmer is trying to stuff £130 BILLION of our money in fraud-ridden EFU pockets.

Lethal climate

Freezing Florida is experiencing a downpour of iguanas. The reptiles are becoming too chilled to cling on to the trees where they roost and falling to the ground in thousands. Helpful citizens are scooping them up for disposal and the state’s euthanasia services are struggling to keep up with the demand.

What’s the real beef?

The lawyer trying to extract cash from Prince Andrew is upset and moaning that the Royal Family has stripped his target of his titles and made him unable to thrust millions of dollars into the pockets of lawyers, and deprived said lawyers of justice; i.e. hard cash. Sue King Chuck instead if he’s still got plenty?

Expert on the job

Maramé Colón, the Minister for Degeneracy, has been put in charge of dealing with the Mandelsleaze Embarrassment. His main qualification appears to be that it takes one to know one; something which is common currency in politics.

Skiving for all

The honco of the National Education Union wants school teachers to have the ’uman bluddy right to skive off during term time to go to the likes of the Glastonbury Festival.
    Another alibi for more strikes, not having this ‘right’?

Woke Schmustice

If you’re a bus driver who sorts out a violent thief and retrieves a necklace stolen from a female passenger, what do you get?
    If you work for Metroline in London, the sack for bringing the company into disrepute. [with the criminal community?]

File under ‘B’ for Boneheaded

Shamed Andrew in ‘midnight flit’ from Royal Lodge, yelled the headline. But it was under a picture of Prince Andrew on a horse in full daylight.
    Credibility destroyed. Obvious junk journalism. Especially if moving his stuff will take weeks, which makes it definitely not an out-and-gone flit.

One way street

It’s rather weird, the way the meeja mob go on about ‘the survivors of J. Epstein’s abuse’.
    The implication is that he was in the habit of having those who fell into his orbit killed when they had served their purpose, and only the lucky ones got away.
    But, of course, someone who’s dead can’t sue a wise guy for libel and there is a great need of stuff to put between the adverts.

Not enough

Why did a mid-twenties Sudanese illegal get a gaol tariff of only 29 years for a particularly brutal murder? Why 29, as if some sort of equation is involved?
    Why not 99 as the automatic sentence and if the killer can’t manage the full quota, tough. Schmustice.

We’re on our own?

Crumbs! No trigger warning from the Legend channel before episode 3 of The Invaders. Not even about Mexican bandits, gila monsters and an alien spaceship.

More sauce

Is Bier Smarmer going to give up his knighthood as a part of his ludicrously pathetic apology for his shamefully poor judgement in re the Mandelsleaze and his own dishonesty?
● Will anyone who believed lies told by Bier now also have to do a grovelling public apology.

What’s the message?

Supermarkets raked in £500 million/day over Xmas was the headline glimpsed when some newspapers were being consigned to the blue bin. Which means what? They mugged the punters and some Puritan thinks they should be taxed into oblivion to fund Labour’s armies of scroungers?

Not him, for sure

Half of the electorate want to see Labour ditch Bier Smarmer as its party leader. A quarter want Jonah Burnham to replace him. And another quarter don’t want any of the usual suspects as the new leader, including Wee Streeting, Jonah and Angrier Robot.

Something to look forward to

Driverless cars are being given The Knowledge to let them operate and navigate in the London area. The company involved is owned by Gooble and has several franchises operating right now in cities in the Untied States.

More cash darn the drain

Ambulance-chasing lawyers get 4 times more money in legal fees than their customers get from the NHS in compensation for negligence and damage.
    The government (lotz of lawyers) is dragging its feet over limiting how much lawyers can be paid for low-value claims.

Sauce for the gander?

If there has to be an Act of Parliament to remove his peerage from the Mandelsleaze for cosying up to the dead Mr. Epstein, could they also add a clause removing his AoP pension for his term as Director of Public Prostitutions from Bier Smarmer on the grounds that it is totally undeserved?
    Lest we forget, he and coppers of dubious merit wasted a lot of time and our money on trying to stitch up entertainers and Tory politicians for child abuse and even murders on the testimony of now gaoled fantasists. If letting your country down is sauce for the Mandelsleaze, it’s also sauce for the Smarmer.

Second Tier Better

Wigs for bald women should be VAT-free as they are medicinal not cosmetic and an aid for the disabled. A First Tier tax tribunal ruled against the wig-makers but an appeal to the Second Tier delivered the goods.
    But is there a Third Tier for the VAT mob to go to now?

Shock, Horror!!

Mandelson’s Brazilian buddy was photographed carrying a giant packet of washing powder on Monday. Is this the end of civilization as we know it?
    Or it it just Smarmer orchestrating Mandelsleaze to deflect attention from his failure to get anything out of the Chinese despite all the grovelling he did there? Is it him trying to cover up his own history of communism?

Get on with it!

“The following programme contains flashing images” That’s the worst warning the wonks could stick in front of the second episode of The Invaders. Are the aliens killing off the wonks?
    Well, no, ’coz the discrimination bullshit was strapped on to an episode of The A-Team. Much more killing by those aliens is needed to reduce the wonk population.

Trust the French to get silly

What’s a totally prethetic excuse for not returning the Canterbury Embroidery from Bayeux to the country where it was made for a while? How about that it would be shaken to bitz if it were exposed to Britain’s pot-holed roads? Frogatomic!!

Fiddle Factor

The government is looking at a universal basic income scam as a response to the A.I menace to jobs. If everyone gets a UBI payment, whether they work or not, it will be easier to conceal true unemployment statistics.
● A trial in Finland 8 years ago was abandoned as unsustainable at a national level. Not exactly a confidence-builder with the Labour lot in government here as it would just be a way of rewarding their lazy and feckless supporters.

Safer from or for whom?

49,000 criminals got out of gaol early in the first year of Labour’s scam to put them back into circulation. According to Dippy Dave, the current Justice Sec., this is part of Labour’s plan to make our streets safer!

Fair question

Why is the Fantasist she called Thievin Reeves? Just ask anyone in the drinks trade, and their customers, who’s having to stump up yet another rise in the iniquitous alcohol tax.

Who’s Worser?

Do we take Bier Smarmer, a notorious liar and betrayer of our country, at all seriously when he accuses the Mandelsleaze of doing the same?

Just plain dodgy

Can A.I chatbots be trusted to deliver unbiased data? Nope. The conclusion of expert analysis is that they are programmed to trawl left-wing sources, which gives them a narrow and inconsistent world view.
    But what else can you expect from unaccountable, copyright stealing tech companies?

Show no mercy?

Is it fair to reinvent the life of a long dead author in terms of contemporary stuff that has no relevance to his life and times? This is what seems to be happening to Charles Dodgson, a.k.a. Lewis Carroll, author of Alice in Wonderland.
    Just as well he’s past caring.

Business Battery

Our wonderful government is seeking to create an apocalypse of zombie firms. That’s ones which staggered on with government help after the Chinese plague wrecked everything.
    HMRC is now seeking to grab overdue tax from them to make Bier Smarmer’s claim that the economy is about to turn a corner come true.
    Unfortunately, the turn is from Calamity Road straight into Disaster Street.

Exit feeling good about it?

Why has the Mandelsleaze quit Labour? Could it just be a belated burst of self-respect?
    Could it be that he doesn’t want to be contaminated by associating with a party fronted by a dishonest beery Smarmer, who owns in a millionaire’s mansion but goes around in a freebie suit and specs?

Strange choice

The Invaders (1967), just started on Legend, doesn’t get an apology for being discriminatory or being liable to make wonks curl up and collapse, unlike Charlie’s Angels, who have been replaced in the 6 p.m. slot.
    What a peculiar discrimination between female private eyes and evil aliens with sticky-out little fingers!

Things we Brits don’t get

1. Why does someone in the US go out to confront heavily armed Federal agents with a gun and 2 spare magazines about his person?
2. How do the Feds know that someone with one gun doesn’t have a back-up weapon stashed somewhere, as is common practice in the gun-happy USA?

Rodney Redacted

No one told him it’s called the Forbidden City because once you’re in it, looking for freebies, you can’t get out again!
    Oh, well. No one will miss him.

 

On it goes

The Church of England is facing a huge drop in income as members choose not to feed the collection plate. Why? Because the new Archybish of Cantab is set to go on with the wonk virtue-flagging scam devised by the disgraced Wetby.
    She is intent on diverting £100 million of church funds to the slavery repayments scam. That’s cash that will go to the usual suspects who prey on charities rather than the ‘victims’ of something that happened 300 years ago.

Simple strategy

If President trumPut’n keeps on saying Put’nstan’s assault on Ukraine; the war he was going to end on his first day in office; will soon be over, he’s bound to be right eventually.

Treasury twits

The ban on VAT-free shopping for foreigners has cost the UK around £1.3 billion, which would have been spent here just by potential shoppers from China, never mind other nationalities.
    They’re all going to Spain instead now.

Scrap Heap

The 3 million documents, videos and pictures released by the US Justice Department are Swamp Epstein. They contain fact; usually fairly harmless ones; fiction, malice and garbage. And they don’t contain the redacted stuff.
    They can be used to ‘prove’ anything against anyone who was around during the life of the dead Mr. Epstein to people who are not bovvered about the quality of the source.

Rather predictable

His opponents and rivals are trying to give POTUS trumPut’n the Creaky Joe treatment. Five months away from his 80th birthday, he’s showing signs of dementia, he has an extra short attention span, he doesn’t know Greenland from Iceland, he makes more U-turns that Bier Smarmer, hence the TACO** jibe, and then there’s his habit of pointing a pistol at supposed friends and confirmed foes alike, etc., etc.
**Trump Always Chickens Out

Government by deadlegs

Labour’s cancellation of the Rwanda export plan for illegals wasted £715 million of our money. Now, the Rwandan government is demanding another £100 million.
    Is this Bier going for Hit the Billion? Don’t bet against it.

File under ‘A’ for Attention-seeker

What does the Green party candidate for the not-Jonah Burnham by election have to offer? Legalizing prostitution, abolishing the police and transpicaters having more rights than anyone else. And she’s a Palestinian Pal. Not at all surprising given the weird nature of the bloke chosen to be the party’s figurehead.

The party of the criminal

Labour’s Plan for Crime amounts to letting bad guys out of gaol early; or not even locking them up; and letting the police forces of England and Wales dwindle instead of beefing them up.

Today’s Questions

1. Are all the jumped-up upstarts who are seeking attention by slagging off the remains of the Mandelsleaze any better than him themselves?
2. Is Bier Smarmer going to offer us a grovelling apology for making the Mandelsleaze his ambassodor to the Untied States and is Bier going to resign in shame?

We know

Fact: you can’t trust the Chinese regime any more than you can trust the regime in Put’nstan. And only a shameless and persistent liar like Bier Smarmer would try to pretend you can.

Doing the maths

Wow! The Daily Disaster had a feature about Princess Di’s former psychic. Apparently, the lady is just 5 feet tall and she used to have a body mass index of 77!! But she’s down to a mere 24.7 now. Which makes my 21 look a bit limp.

Worst TV advert

The one with people with a gobby mouth in their forehead has severe competition from the thuggish seal (or sea lion?), which casually goes round clobbering people every bloody where. No idea what the product is.

Living dangerously

In the woke world, that’s something as serious as eating the last of your discounted mince pies on the day after the ‘best before’ date.

Fairness alert!

A woman with agoraphobia who was too ‘overwhelmed’ to work tried to sue for compenbluddysation when her colleagues, who hadn’t seen her for 6 months, decided to do her the favour of not inviting her to a Christmas bash.
    Surprisingly, a tribunal decided that the colleagues had done nothing wrong and no cash was forthcoming.

Not so top

Of the 12 ‘top Tories under Boris’ listed as defectors to Reform, I recognized the first four names. Then . . . nah.

Without prejudice

A former Labour MP is to be charged with a sexual assault which is alleged to have taken place 3½ years ago. And he won’t be before the magistrates until the end of February. Law’s delays or the Law asleep?

Telling it like it is

Apparently, Bier Smarmer’s talks with President 11 of China were billed as ‘history making’. Yes, they certainly will be granted that label. But for being a total waste of time; the worst one in our history; rather than as any sort of ground-breaking achievement.

Snailtime

Customers of the Royal Mail are up in arms over a late delivery rate of 29% over the Xmas period; a new world record.
    Not just Christmas cards were delayed – vital documents and appointment details also fell by the wayside.

Pointless worry

A writer giving his book a plug in the Sunday Post noted that the track record of the dominant species on the planet is that they go extinct, and he shudders to think how long it will be before the current dominant species; humans; hits the buffers.
    If we can do as well as the dinosaurs, no need to worry. And it’s not too likely that a planet with another 5 billion years to go before its star goes nova and eats it up will be too bothered about losing another transient dominant species.

The way of woke

The BierBC was forced to do a grovelling apology for getting through Holocaust Memorial Day [Jan 27th] without uttering the word ‘Jew’.
    The reason given was that the people wiped out by the Nazis weren’t exclusively Jewish. Or something.

Dodgy digits

The Home Sec. has declared that sending 281 illegals back to France and accepting 350 from the French is okay. It’s within the expected discrepancies in our disfavour for any Smarmer deal, especially one which Bier thinks is a landmark scam.
    Once in France, the illegals are free to sneak back here again and be counted twice as illegals returned if caught.

More ‘not me, Guv’

The Fantasist of the Exchequer; not wanted in China; got a good booting for sending a badly-briefed dogsbody to the Commons to say that pubs will get some business rates help but small shops and the rest of the hospitality sector will have to swallow her 100%+ rises and be zonked by taxes from April onwards with nothing to be delivered in return for all the dosh.
    The dogsbody also managed to upset the Speaker by rambling on for 13 minutes in what was supposed to te a 10-minute slot by padding out 30 seconds worth of information with drivel.

Any excuse for a skive

Is Never Here Bier coming back here to continue the job of wrecking the UK after his crawl in China? Nope. He’s on holiday in Japan now.

No decoding needed

The message coming from the water companies seems to be quite clear. It’s going to cost a hell of a lot more because we have all these bosses being paid a grand a day for doing Gord knows what.

Decoding Job

The official verdict on Never Here Bier’s jaunt to China is “may not yield results immediately”.
Translation: For ‘may’ substitute ‘will’ and cancel ‘immediately’.

Too far away

Is the Spanish government likely to take any notice of protest marches in UK cities about hunting with dogs in Spain?
    The protesters claim that 100,000 dogs are killed or just abandoned when the season ends as they are classed as ‘tools’ rather than pets. So why aren’t the protesters marching in Spain?

POTUS explanation

Mr. trumPut’n didn’t have a go at Britisch troops who served in Afghanistan. He had a pop at the troops of Europeon NATO members who didn’t appear on front lines.
    He doesn’t consider the UK to be part of Europe, home of the EFU nations that let the side down.