Silence on the scams

Wee Burney Sturgeon is being compared to a Mafia boss after the revelation that she did seven hours of no comments when interviewed after she and her husband were raked in over the SNP’s missing £400,000. This was apparently her idea of co-operating fully with the polis.
● Current SNP leader J. Swinney is in no-comment mode about Burney.

Grotters totter

The rank and file of the party don’t want the green grotters involved in the Makerfield bye-election. The party has had to bin its original choice of candidate for anti-Semitism. His replacement is a woman on maternity leave, which is a rather peculiar choice. An exodus of green grotter members to come?

They’re all at it

Restore, the off-shoot rival to Reform, is being clobbered with anti-Semitism charges of the sort usually directed at Labour and the rest of the looney Left.
    Is this equality and diversity in action?

A highly valuable UK asset

A report on Prince Andrew’s performance as a trade envoy in the first decade of the present century has surfaced to upset the usual suspects mightily. He was rated as doing a grand job! And the government agreed.

Still hope

It has been suggested that writers will become extinct as many of them are too busy messing about with a pocket phone to be productive. But hey, no worries.
    There are millions of books worth exploring now and real writers will continue to produce a trickle of works with a contemporary setting using the traditional plot devices.

Moonshine

NASA is planning to spend $20 billion on creating a super city-size base on the Moon over the next six years. It will be powered by nuclear and solar-sourced energy, and the plan is never to give up on the Moon again and use it as a staging post for a Mars mission.

Fuel theft 2

The Fantasist of the Exchequer was forced to bin a 5p/litre fuel duty rise. She’s now planning to sneak in a 3p/litre rise in January and hope no one will notice.

Fuel theft 1

Petrol stations are having to rely on their own CCTV security systems to identify drivers who zoom off without paying. The police are not interested and 95% of the bad guys are safe from them.

Clothears rides again!

“Our Health and Osiris correspondent . . .”
    Sounds like an extremely interesting job. I wonder what the qualifications are?

Toxic trend

Influenzers are getting a booting for persuading people that running is cool and swamping the NHS with knee injuries as the mugs don’t realize they need to limber up first before they go on a serious run.

Oh, really?

The Pope has decided that A.I is a bad idea and a threat to the future of his customers.
    But are the people making godzillions of bucks out of the industry likely to take any notice? Or the control freaks in China and Put’nstan?

The real ishue

What’s the Makerfield election all about really? The vanity of the stumblebums who are doing all the attention-seeking. Exactly the wrong people we want as MPs with the power to wreck our lives comprehensively.

Nothing blown up

President Thump has come up with a cute way to sideline the Strait of Hormuz ishue. He’s bullying Arab leaders over their relations with Israel knowing none of it will get him anywhere.

Rather unproductive effort

A think tank has concluded that prices shoot up after a crisis, such as the Iran war or a deadleg government disaster, and they just drift down a little bit over a period of years if at all. No one impressed by something that’s obvious to the rest of us.

Deader legs

If the Lead-swinger in the North gets to be an MP, he faces a challeng from the most enviously socialist in the Labour party for the leadership. They think he’s nowhere near ludicrously Left enuff. Definitely not progressive.

Kind of obvious

Our wonderful government makes it easier to call a strike. What do our less than wonderful trade unions do? Plan a Winter of Discontent with hospitals, schools, railways and anything else they can manage closed down after they’ve made really lunatic pay claims.

Job profile

Everyone expects politicians to lie their heads off all the time. Which can be a problem for the likes of Wee Burney Sturgeon, the former SNP leader.
    She claims she had no idea that the parade of luxury goods through her home was due to her husband snaffling £400K from SNP funds. Yeah, right, Burney.

Very impressive

What’s a good way to be anti-Semitic without getting busted for it? One of the teaching unions has come up with the idea of having nothing to do with firms which deal with Israel’s armed forces. Which should make a HUGE difference to the global political climate.

On my side for sure; not

 Are bank websites fit for purpose? I tried to get logged in to mine twice yesterday and didn’t manage it. I had to do the phone call and enter the number on the screen the first time, and I was logged off whilst waiting for the screen to fill up.
    No phone call the second time but I was logged off just the same and there was a message claiming I’d moved away from the bank’s website, which was a black lie. I’d been sitting there, watching messages at the bottom of the screen as the bank’s system scrabbled around.
    Both times, it spent a hell of a long time chatting with Gooble and TikTok instead of doing anything useful, such as letting me pay the bill. There were even blahts with boody FakeBuk!

Good point

“If Jonah Burnbum has been such a huge success as mayor of Manchester, why aren’t the locals agitating for him to stay?” a perceptive commentator asked.
    Their deafening silence tells us that the real message from Mancunians is: “FK off, Jonah!”

Hyper-hyperbole

Crazed gunman killed by Secret Service agents after opening fire outside the White House?
    If you look at the map included with this hysterical newspaper story, the action was two streets away from Chateau Trump; half a mile away? Maybe more? Not exactly ‘outside’.

Update

The police are still thrashing about desperately, trying to pin something, anything, on Prince Andrew. The Thames Valley mob have diverted their most experienced special investigators away from real crime to this case. They are that desperate for something to show for all the effort and cash blown.

Schmustice

An assault by a thug and his 20-year-old son leaved a PC on crutches. The son gets a joke sentence of 3 years and 10 months and spends only 82 days inside.
    The father’s joke sentence was 4 years and 3 months. Out next week under Labour’s soft on crime theme?

Social Schmustice

The thuggish brothers who attacked police officers at Manchester airport are not going to face a third trial after two flops, the Can’t Prosecute Service has decided.
    Their brief moaned that their lives have been ruined by anti-social meeja posts. Sounds a cheaper way of showing them the error of their ways than bunging them in gaol!

Beans spilled

A top bod in the EFU burrocracy has revealed what Smarmer’s Brexit Betrayal will include. That’s the UK joining the eurozone and forget a Thatcher Discount on all the stuff that’s of no value to us, which will mean that we pay three times more than the previous ripoff fee.

Nothing new

How to avoid a U-turn on not banning anti-social meeja for under 16s? Bier Smarmer and his technology whizz minister, Liz, had to resort to one of those consultations which go on and on and on and on.

Mobility

What’s the weirdest part of being in hospital? someone asked me the other day. Based on my experiences last May, it has to be wheelchairs. Zooming along the corridors on your way to a ward is fair enuff, but when you’re supposed to be well enough to go home?
    Okay, you might be on the road to recovery but it’s still the fastest and most efficient way to get you to the transport homewards.

No contest

The $6M Man vs the IRA on Legend last night? The soboks stood no chance!

On Reflection

Of course, you can treat Stand On Zanzibar as an awful warning out of the same box as 1984. Beware of vested interests, the politicians and all the rest who are concocting rules to grab what you have and stick it in their pockets.
    Such things are always with us everywhere.

File under ‘J’ for Jonah

● Consistent in his inconsistency
● Jonah Burnbum: “Ain’t it Brilliant!!!” channelling Paul Whitehouse’s The Brilliant Kid
● Is it ‘hope is in the air’ or ‘hope is away with the fairies?’
● Was part of The Establishment in the Blair government, now attacking The Establishment to get back into it as the boss
● His brand of ‘change’ involves changing his mind as soon as he realizes people aren’t going to go for his latest bit of lunacy.

Just sloppy

The green grotters seem to have a real talent for picking deadlegs as election candidates. Their first choice for Makerfield to oppose Jonah Burnbum had to be binned for liking anti-Jewish stuff on the interweb.

Killer crApps

So-called media are as dangerous to constantly-scrolling kids as smoking and not wearing a seat belt, the experts have decided.
    Ten years of discussion on whether to legislate or dump the safety problem on the meeja companies making money out of the kids to follow?

Well out of touch

Reality check for Chancellor said the headline. But everyone knows that Thievin doesn’t do reality.

Never-ending

The latest ishue thrown up by the cheerleaders for transpicaters is they want the able-bodied ones to be allowed to use disabled toilets as of right and make the disabled compete for access.

Self-inflicted

The Irish Republic’s shoplifting community is up in arms after one of its members died whilst being restrained in Dublin like the dead American criminal George Floyd.
    No sign of gangs of activists wanting everyone to start kneeling down again and taking to the streets. But will the likes of Bier Smarmer and Angrier Rainer do it anyway just to be on the safe side, as in the Floyd Era?

Increasingly inevitable?

After an outcry, the ‘getting away with it’ sentences passed on a barely-teenage immigrant rape gang are to be reviewed. The gang kept attacking young girls for material to put on anti-social meeja. No danger of the judge being stood down and made to pay for a put you in touch with reality course, though?

A fiery & dishonest future

The Climate Change Committee hysteria is based on a totally discredited economic world model – one that has been trashed even by one of the professors on the CCC payroll.

Escape from reality

The Edstone Milipede monster of a Climate Change Committee is at it again. Ever seeking to shove up their cash flow, they have plunged into the realm of ultimate doombuggerland fantasy.
    They want us to believe that by 2050, 92.14% of homes in Britain will be at risk of overheating and bursting into flames unless more BILLIONs of our money are hurled at their insane and pointless scams.

File under ‘D’ for Dunce

A large GCSE exam board is getting a booting for woking up a listen and translate exam involving a French family consisting of divorced parents, a jobless brother and his bisexual sister (a concept which gave those sitting the exam no end of comprehension bother)
    Pearson Edexcel? Not at all excellent education.

Futile panic

Is anyone still alive out there after the HOT AS HELL weather the alarmists have been going on about? We’re not hearing much about the vigorous blasts of winds and the thunderstorms we got last night, and the apple trees are still getting shaken about.

Confusion as a strategy

 President Thump is still doing his level best to keep everyone guessing. A week or two ago, he announced he’s reducing the American military presence in Yourope by withdrawing 5,000 troops from Poland as some sort of punishment for not getting involved in his and Israel’s war with Iran.
    Now, he’s decided to send 5,000 MORE troops to Poland. Next week, who knows?

Second-hand syndrome?

People are weird, a study has confirmed. When shown pictures of the same hotel room, one as unoccupied, one posted online by someone who stayed in that room, people are 16% less likely to book a stay at the hotel after seeing the second picture and knowing someone had actually occupied the room, no matter how glowing a review the someone posted of the hotel.

Not exactly a disincentive

The thing abour reading Stand On Zanzibar, written in 1967 and set in 2010, is you can say, “Ha, ha, that never happened!” in a superior tone.
    Not that the author, John Brunner, would be worried as he was paid for his efforts decades ago and moved on.

Cemented in position

Marsman Musk has the right idea about job security. He can’t be removed from his job as the boss of Space X unless a majority of Class B shareholders approve it.
    He owns 90% of these shares.

Could work

It has been pointed out that Jonah Gollum’s HAFNIA (as in 'a clue') shirt has to be at least 41 years old as that’s when that particular sponsorship deal ended.
    Could it be that he’s hoping that Lord Pally will notice and buy him a nice, new set of outfits?

Future disastrous

A really good doombugger scenario is the one for government debt interest if Jonah Burnbum gets to be Prime Fantasist. All the cash raised by HMG will end up going abroad to pay off that interest, which will leave Nett Zero for the government’s benefits clients.
    Will that result in a bloody revolt? Nope, because there will be no food in the shops and they’ll all be too weak from hunger to get stroppy.

Welcome to Israel, not

Israel’s security minister is getting a booting over the treatment of a gang of attention-seeking supporters of the Hamas.
    The bloke did an on-line gloat over a video of people who had tried to deliver a token amount of aid to Gaza tied up and kneeling with their head on the ground in the Islamist prayer position after their flotilla had been illegally intercepted in international waters.

The search for new

Finding something different to say about an ancient monument can be a challenge. But the Stonehengeologists have come up with something – a sarcen stone race with teams competing to haul 30-ton slabs of rock the 20 miles from their source.

Bash the bully?

What’s a great way to upset Labour’s Chief Whip? Expose with examples. the smear tactics which are used by No. 10 stooges against their own MPs, including claiming their mental ’elf is up the creek.

Living up to her name

In case you missed it, our Fantasist of the Exchequer thinks letting kids ride around on buses for free munching chocky biscuits and crisps in August will relieve the pressure created by the Iran war on our economy.

Politics of envy from Mr. Irrelevant

A boot up the bum for ex-minister Wee Streeting. He’s going all looney Left and demanding a wealth tax that will drive even more people with cash abroad. Not needed, said a spokes for No. 10. We already have a progressive tax system which takes a fair share from those with the broadest shoulders. Yeah, right. Apart from the special cases, of course.

Very dodgy

Is a picture of Prince Andrew without context – details of where and when it was taken and the circumstances – in any way ‘disturbing’? Or is it evidence of a propaganda campaign being waged against him with a ‘get him any way we can, innocent or guilty’ agenda?

Very cute

Police in Tameside have arrested five people in connection with a local election swindle. Two people were added, without their knowledgs, to the ballot paper as independents to split that vote and prevent a genuine independent from beating the Labour stooge.

Not fooled

‘Pristine blue skies’ hummed the propagandists for the hottest May-end bank holiday period. No mention of the Sun keeping vanishing behind clouds yesterday and the apple trees being lashed by half a gale today.

On the move

Numbers from the Office of Notional Sadistics suggest that young people are solving Labour’s gross youth unemployment problem.
    They are going abroad, particularly to Australia and Poland, and staying there as a result of the Reeves assaults on the jobs market here.
    That’s the brightest and the best of the nation’s youngies, We’re stuck with the Labour benefits dregs.

New tactic

The ludicrous Left are wary of comparing Nigel Farage and Reform UK to Mr. Hitler and his Narzis, but they feel they can get away with likening Mr. F. and Reform to Benito Mussolini and his followers.

A new type of discrimination

Employers are now assuming that a perfect CV with no typos and no badly phrased material is the work of an A.I gadget. Which can lead to rejection of a job applicant who can turn out correct English unaided.
    Will A.I gadgets have to be reprogrammed to shove in the odd mistake to pretend to be human? Probably.

Unreasonable expectations

Cosmetic surgeons are becoming increasingly irritated by would-be clients who turn up with an A.I image of themself with perfect symmetry. Why? Because the surgeon has to waste time telling the punter that he/she can’t afford the work and it can’t be done to the same level of digital perfection as an A.I image anyway.

Economic shrinkage

Bad news for thieves. Morrisons are planning to close 100 stores, forcing shoplifters to relocate and compete with other thieves elsewhere.
● The government’s business-unfriendly policies are getting the blame for the closures.

This woke is no joke

NHS Lanarkshire is being offered as a prime example of how tone deaf and badly distorted the priorities are in the Scottish public sector. Much outrage has greeted guidelines for dealing with stillbirths, which makes no mention at all of fathers and mothers are referred to (just twice) as women/birthing people.

Overflowing dustbins

The Gov of the Bonk of England is warning that A.I is creating Labour’s benefits clients at a much faster rate than anyone dared to expect. Does he have an answer to the problem? Well, not really.

Dead giveaway to some

Why does Jonah Gollum have HAFNIA on his jogging for the cameras vest? Don’t tell him, but Scottish people know it’s him saying: “I HAFNIA a clue how to do anything useful.”

Not sold

Was it really the hottest May day in the whole history of the universe if the Met Office managed to get its thermometer to 32.9 deg.C at Heathrow airport on the bonk holiday? Where there’s all that concrete and tarmac and jet engines blasting out heat?
    Lots of mockery from places where the branches of the apple trees were waving around.

A little common sense

The French have had to suspend the EFU burrocraps’ extra border checks as they are costing the Frogs money.
    There have been huge queues for ferries at Dover and tourist cash stuck on the wrong side of the Channel.
● The Port of Dover has blown £40 million on a new facility to handle big rushes but the technology needed to operate it ‘has not been activated’.

One who’s seen the light

The boss of a software company in the Untied States has got rid of the Human Resources racket. He’s sacked everyone who used to be in what was a Personnel Department for creating problems that didn’t exist in order to justify their employment.
    Surprise! When they were gone, the ‘problems’ vanished.

Channelling Smigol

What he needs to do is change his name from Jonah Burntbum to Jonah Gollum. That will put a façade of actualité on his constant evasions and U-eys.

Different strokes

Last nite’s episode of The $6M Man involved ‘remote scanning’ by a telepath connected to a machine. An interesting variation on the telepath ishues explored in Jon A. Gored’s Rogue Shooter which I re-read back in April.
    He chose natural ability over gadgets, which poses a much greater threat to counter spies, and he had lotz of telepaths.

More government sneakery

All is not as it seems for a camp hosting 600 migrants in East Sussex. It was supposed to be open for just this year. But there is a no-longer-secret deal between the MoD and the Home Office to keep it open to the end of this decade.
    The locals who had these undesirables foisted on them have been protesting vigorously. No wonder.

Things to come?

It has been pointed out that the internet has reduced the Age of Innocence below the previous limit of 10 years old. Next stop for a Labour government, reducing the voting age from 12 to 8?

Today’s Puzzle

If you get up at 9:30 a.m. on Bank Holiday Monday, does that count as a lie-in if it’s the time when you usually get up?

The next step

Serbia Smarmer is ignoring rumours that his post-politics career will involve becoming an influenzer selling his own self-endorsed brand of Smarmerlade to the breakfast market.

Today’s Question

Q: What’s a good way to irk Jonah B.?
A: Speculate about which brand of mascara and hair dye he buys.

Wot’s in a name?

If you saw the word ‘toxilizumal’ what would you think? Something to do with the Aztecs or some other lost civilization?
    Actually, it’s an arthritis drug which has been found to help those with severe depression.
    As caused by having arthuritis?

Not much cop

Oldies who take vitamin D and calcium supplements at vast cost to the NHS and the taxpayer are not protecting themselves against brittle bones, the experts have concluded.
    Exercise and the right lifestyle do the job, though.

More lies

H2S won’t cost the nation £103 BILLION. Why not? Because the Transport Department cutely left inflation out of its latest guess at the cost.
    Stick another £10 BILLION on the bill for that at least. And then there are all the brilliant new ideas at extra cost.
    And if the top speed of the trains is going to be dropped by 12%, the alleged saving in journey time from London to Brum is even less worth having.

Reeves in focus

● ‘Too little, too late’; that’s the verdict on Thievin’s dithering over the amount of tax to put on fuel.
● ‘Completely preposterous’, is the M&S verdict on her plan to cap food prices; i.e. apply a stealth tax to supermarkets.
● The City came up with ‘mad and neo-Soviet’.
● ‘Not sustainable’, came from the governor of the Bank of England.
    So much for Thievin’s contact with the real world.

Having it all ways

One minute, Thievin Reeves is telling us that Brexit did deep damage to the economy.
    The next, she’s using our freedom from EFU-wide tariffs to cut them on imports of chocolate and biscuits for her tea parties to massage inflation figures.
    There’s no swindler like a Labour swindler.

Never changes

Another reason to have nothing to do with the Deadleg in the North – Jonah B. wants more Labour tax and waste via shoving up Council Tax.

Help from the East?

Is Bier Smarmer hoping for a rescue package from Put’n the Poisoner? Could be why he’s suddenly backing off sanctions on Put’nstan’s oil trade.
    There has to be a sinister reason for encouraging oil production by Put’nstan whilst preventing the UK from exploiting its abundant reserves and forcing us to buy oil and gas from elsewhere and shoving unnecessarily huge amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere from other countries a long way around the world by doing so.

A man of his word; not

Burnbum? Isn’t he the bloke who guarandamnteed he’s serve his full term as mayor of Greater Manchester?

Singular characteristic

Research has found that Jonah B. is noted only for snaffling the credit for jobs well done by others. Nothing else.
● Will it be Lord Smarmer of Dithering when he’s binned by Jonah in recognition of his record for U-turns?

Good point

Is it a national humiliation to come last in the Eurovision Song Contest with a rubbish entry?
    On the scale of humiliation created by a useless Labour government, it doesn’t even twitch the dial.

Elastic features

The Greater Manchester mayor is known as gurner Burnbum because of his habit of pulling faces when someone else is talking in a debate or meeting to distract attention from his inability to offer a counter-argument based on facts and figures.
    He’s not a data kind of guy.

Another interesting fact

The Met has tried to pin the Grenfell Tower fire on 15,000 people and 700 organizations. No word is on offer about how many millions were blown in getting these numbers down to 57 and 20.
    No doubt the CPS will spend more millions and another decade working out if any of them can be put in a dock.
● Does that 57 include the bloke with the dodgy fridge that set the building on fire?

No end to the delays

Labour has an interesting strategy for the Mandelsleaze dossier, which has grown to a positively insane 6,000 pages via a diligent make-work campaign.
    When the monstrosity is close to completion, a small stack of new stuff turns up and it has to be integrated into the whole.
    And printing 655 copies to give MPs one each will take months to organize.

Well, yes

If Jonah B. does get to be our Prime Fantasist, there will never have to be a vote on which was the most clueless of all. The stuff coming out about his views and his catastrophic past in office will make sure of that!
● H2S, the cost-overloaded and unwanted rail link, it has been revealed, was all his fault.

Bad career move

Reform UK has picked a plumber as their candidate for the Makerfield election. Which is curious.
    Would he not be making a better and much more useful contribution to the world as a plumber than as another Westminster Wonder?

Another tax scam

The government’s minions are working at pace to add those who go for a home extension to the mansion tax bracket for 2028. All those benefits votes to buy and lotz more cash needed?

Grand job

Thanks to measures introduced by the last Conservative government, immigration has fallen to about half of the 2024 figure.

Sheer Iggorance

Can you take a TV programme seriously when it’s about people caught in the jaws of The Vise? That’s Vise, not Vice. And a cartoon of someone about to be squodged in a vice doesn’t help.
    Not a good start for Mark Saber, the one-armed private detective. Who ties his tie?

Special attention

How, people are wondering everywhere, did Angular Rainer’s minions get through to HMRC for a rush job on her failed tax dodge? Not by phone, that’s for sure.
    Political pressure on the boss? More likely.

Past surfing

I’ve just started reading again a Readers Union edition of John Brunner’s oddity Stand On Zanzibar. No date of publication on offer but it’s 500+ pages in hardback and originally published in the UK in 1968 for a modest £2.10! So the RU edition must be dead old.
    It’s is all about the horrors of the 21st century, according to the blurb in tiny print on the front fold of the dust jacket. I wonder if the horrors include predictions of Bier Smarmer, Edstone Milipede, Jonah Burntbum and all the rest?

What’s the story?

A visitor to London from Israel was heard speaking in Hebrew to his phone and attacked by ‘five masked men walking nearby’.
    Not a word in the newspaper report about why the local police are letting gangs of masked thugs stroll around unchallenged in Golders Green.
    But with a Sadgeek as London’s combined mayor and police commish, no surprise.

More Schmeducation

School kids in Sheffield are being taught that black people, i.e. Afrons, being racially prejudiced against white people, i.e. Eurons, is not rachelism.
    Only Eurons can be rachelist. Afrons can’t. No one surprised.

Horizontal History

Mistreatment by the French has left the Bayeux Tapestry in such a frail condition that it will have to be displayed flat if it ever gets to the British Museum without being shaken to bitz by all the ignored potholes on the roads along the way.
    And anyone wanting to see it will be gouged with over three times the price charged in Normandy.

Trainee Yob’s Charter

What’s a good way to outrage the customers? The latest idea from our wonderful government is to revise the age of criminal responsibility from 10 to 12 to raise the number of pre-teen tearaways with a licence to get away with it.
    Softer on crime and a first step on the way to reducing the voting age from 18 to 16 to 12?

Left sense well behind

What sort of people are members of the Labour party? Ones who think Jonah B., Angular R., Edstone M. and Pixie B.-C. are all wonderful people.

Just a thought

Could it be that his scriptwriter is taking the mickey out of our Prime Fantasist? Uncle Bier, the lawyer, is so used to spouting words given to him by others that when he claims he’ll still be in his job come the next general election, he just trots it out without bothering to take any notice of the words?

Time well spent

I must be doing something right if I can look at the Radio Times  top 10 of TV comedy shows since 2010 and find that each title means nothing to me.

It’s only taxpayers’ cash

Think of a number: say £38 BILLION. What does that mean if the government is using that as its guess for the cost of something? £103 BILLION in the case of the shortened H2S rail link scam. And likely with lotz more to come.

More Milipede conveniences

The government made a big thing of a ban on products made using slave labour in the renewable supply chain. But the need to meet Edstone’s ludicrous Nerd Zero targets has given Chinese solar panels a free ride. The slavery policy for them amounts to ‘don’t ask’.

Worthless bragging

More Smarmer tough talking has been exposed as hot air. He’s had to call off plans announced in March to reinterpret international law in a way that allows Put’nstan’s shadow fleet to be harassed when it enters UK waters.
    He’s scared of being called a pirate.

Another invasion

British mushrooms are in danger of being driven into extinction, experts are warning. Hobbyists are importing species from China and Japan, they are escaping into the wild and the experience from the Untied States is that they will soon be everywhere.

What???

Over half of TV viewers have to resort to subtitles, a survey for the Great! TV channel has found. Mumbling actors thanks to inept directors and poor sound quality got most of the blame but around one-third of Cockneys have trouble deciphering other regional accents.

Tell ’em like it isn’t

Being a gobsworth comes naturally to being a politician and gives those scrutinising them lotz of ammo. Such as Jonah Burnbum’s claim that most people are not bovvered about blokes pretending to be women invading female spaces such as toilets.

Deadleg dormitory

The new boss of the BierBC, a refugee from the Europeon sector of Gooble, has had plenty of warning about the defects of his new realm. It’s full of no-platformers on all sorts of subjects, especially the transpicater ishue – not a word can be said against them.
    Bullying, politically correct BS and monoversity are also rampant.

Dead set on it?

Attempts are being made to position President Thump as someone who wants to put legal executions of criminals on TV.
    He is also said to be looking at new ways of killing bad guys. In the name of diversity?

Really, really tough job

The detectives struggling to come up with a basis for a charge of misconduct in a public office against Prince Andrew look like they’ve hit a brick wall.
    Turning over his pads has yielded nothing much that’s really damning and they’re now appealing for narks to come up with something, anything else that they can do him for.

How daft can you get?

Confecting a ‘transphobic and problematic’ trigger warning for Frankenstein’s Monster has to be worth a box of biscuits.
    And an ‘I’ for imagination.

Stop Press!

Bier Smarmer sez he’ll campaign for Jonah Burnbum in Makerfield. To make sure the SOB loses?

In search of the right illusion

The Deadleg in the North is just like the one in the South. He doesn’t believe in anything and he says what he thinks the people around him want to hear. It’s the old Groucho Marx line with Jonah: “If you don’t like these policies, I have plenty more.”
    If Makerfield is Brexitland, he won’t be telling them he’s going to join the EFU, that’s for sure.
● Burnbum also shares Bier’s compulsion for globetrotting at our expense, the scrutineers have found.

It’s wot he said

President Thump claimed he made a ‘fantastic’ trade deal with President Eleven of China. The Chambers Twentieth Century Dictionary offers fanciful, not real, whimsical, wild and foppish as alternatives for The Donald’s adjective.
    Taiwan sold down the river, too?

Evidence to the contrary

It’s 61 and 83 now. That’s Esso petrol costing 161.9p/litre and diesel costing 183.9p/litre around here. I did a trip to Aldi yesterday, recycling a shopping list on which the numbers were 49 and 73. So much for the costa living being under control.

Wonder weather

We’re being warned that the Met Office is going to go all out over the bank holiday weekend to create a new world record temperature. They’ll have to pick their spot carefully.
    We have blazing sunshine at the moment but the branches of the apple trees are being thrashed about furiously by the wind. That could be a bit of a wrecker.

A pertinent ishue

There is a suspicion that her ‘with one bound’ escape from the clutches of HMRC after her tax-dodge attempt flopped is being used as a distraction from the rest of the stuff. Will it make us forget about sozzled Angrier’s door-wrecking adventure? We’ll see.

 

No experience required

There are rank amateurs in sinecure judge jobs at the Strasbourg ’uman bluddy rights court. Some 48% of them have Nett Zero experience of being a judge.
    Once more it’s the old diversity and jobs-for-the-boys scam at our expense. No wonder the stuff they come up with is rubbish.

Surprise? Well, not at all

Lord Squirmer has presided over a Labour ECHR reset which has been a total waste of time. There have been no changes to the ’uman bluddy rights treaty’s wording, and getting rid of undesirables will be even harder. And there will be more cash going into the pockets of the lawyers, of course.

Today’s speculation

Is the country really ready for a PM and his boyfriend shacked in No. 10 Downing Street?

Is this fair?

A Nazi-obsessed teenage girl gets 15 years in gaol for an axe attack on a Kurdish bloke, who was able to avoid injury. A drugged-up teenage boy gets a sentence of 6 years and 9 months; only half to be done in gaol; for killing an old lady on a zebra crossing by ramming her with his e-bike.

Nice racket

Okay, that’s 17 grand in Wee Streeting’s pocket after flouncing out of his ministerial job. The same as Angular Rainer got when she was booting out of her job for a tax dodge botch-up.
    No danger of any assessment of whether these people actually deserve another slice of our money.

Not the Messiah

The doombuggers are lining up to give us the word on Jonah Burntbum and they are agreed that he would be a major catastrophe as PM.
    He’s financially illiterate, he’s entitled and his record shows that everything he touches falls to bitz.
    And then there is his claim that he would serve out his full term as mayor of Greater Manchester. As worthless as anything else he’s told us.
    But what do you expect from a bloke who goes jogging for the meeja’s cameras and drives home when they’ve got their pix?

Today’s Thought

Is it a Bad Thing if Labour in-fighting paralyzes the government for months? Given the total bog-up Smarmer’s Army has been for the last couple of years, it’s plain that the less they do, the better it is for the rest of us.
    Definitely NOT a cause for dismay.

Screwing with scrutiny

The Downing Street Mafia has received a booting from the Commons Security Committee for hanging on to key Mandelsleaze files.
    Government ministers are also getting a booting for making policy using insecure crApps and not bothering to keep records of their machinations.

A collection of S.K. Ivers

Apparently, the House of Common Criminals has a committee on Beauty, Hair and Wellbeing. So there’s nothing too serious happening anywhere, and make-work for those who want to feel important is okay.

More taxation

Thievin is getting a booting for her plan to stick a £2 per head tax on overnight stays anywhere from hotels to campsites. It’s a slap in the face for businesses which are already struggling and another job killer.
    Not that any of this bovvers Thievin. Axe the holiday tax (and Thievin too)? But what about bribes to benefits clients?

Truth? Schmeuth!

Just how sincere is Jonah Burnbum? If he sez he cares deeply about Makerfield and its people, about as insincere as you can get. Especially if they’re just a first step in what he hopes will be a trip darn Sarf to be the Prime Fantasist.

Oh, no!

Benefits clients are aghast. The government, or what pretends to be the government, has been forced to bin this month’s increase in fuel duty.

Political garbage from Wee

Our departed health secretary was bragging in his resignation letter that he’s made HUGE improvements to the NHS. Meanwhile, in the real world, two-thirds of NHS sites are planning to cut services and over half will shed jobs.
    Does Wee think a capacity to telling HUGE porkies is a quality a PM needs? Could be if he’s following the Bier Smarmer path?

More fantasy

According to Thievin Reeves, the economy is in great shape but Labour’s leadership chaos will ruin it. If she thinks she can get away with an alibi like that, she should be the leader of the green grotters!

True to form

In case anyone was wondering, the no-mates UK ended up last in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. No one surprised.

Dodginess everywhere?

Will HMRC have to be reported to its regulator for failing to clobber Angular Rainer with a fine for not paying her stamp duty, as has happened to so many others? Don’t hold your breath.
    Looks like it’s left to the Court of Public Opinion to declare that claiming she wasn’t careless in failing to pay tax due is unreasonable. In any case, it’s clear that she lacks intelligence and self-control, and she’s not fit to be put in charge of the country’s destiny.

Helpful suggestion

It says in an edited version of Wee Streeting’s flounce out of office letter in the paper: ‘we need direction’. How about ‘off’? As in ‘sod off’?

Unsupportable

How awful are the green grotters? It has been revealed that their leader, Mr. Alias, didn’t vote for them in this month’s local elections!
    Too busy being mysterious about where he lives?

Grab, grrr, grab

World Cup fans have an answer to FIFA’s price-gouging on merchandise and souvenirs – don’t buy it. But, of course, lots will be hoping to make a profit from a sale sometime in the future, and that’s what the grabbers are counting on.

Consequences

The latest from Streeting helps to support the view that even though Bier Smarmer is a total deadleg, all of his rivals are even bigger ones.

Another one

Wee Streeting, Prime Fantasist wannabe, has exposed himself as another nutter out of the Milipede box. Joining the EFU again will rebuild our economy; the one trashed by Thievin; and our trade and defences? Yeah, right.
    His menu isn’t What’s Best for the UK. It’s What Nigel Farage Opposes.

Just a thought

Unfortunate thing for a president with H-bombs to say in the wrong context: New kit.

Angelatrocious Rules

You fail to pay £40,000 stamp duty on your seaside holiday home and you have to cough up the 40 grand. That makes you innocent.
    Why no fine for the attempt to avoid paying your due? Why the fast-tracking of your case? Has a fix gone in and you’re in more hock to third parties? In addition to the source of the 800 grand for the holiday home?
    The rest of us should not expect to be told.

Today’s Wish

Thievin’ Reeves and Bier,
Should head for a handy pier,
And remain in constant motion,
Till they plunge into an ocean.

The season for it?

Another cruise ship, another virus – norovirus. One dead and lots showing symptoms of the winter vomiting virus when the ship docked at Bordeaux.

Great job

The ratings for King Chuck’s performance as he read out the clunking speech at the state opening of parliament have been very good. He managed to get the job done without making it too obvious that he knew he was having to deliver a load of utter garbage.

The same old story

What do you get if you’re a thief with 31 convictions and you’ve been busted for stealing 2 handbags costing £27,000, you’re living on benefits because you’re too depressed to work and there’s a Labour government?
    Away with it. Wot else?

Alternative zonk

Police forces are having to gear up to test dodgy drivers for laughing gas as well as alcohol now. Young drivers are using nitrous oxide increasinly so that they can post their experiences on anti-social meeja.

Desperation!

You must be really struggling for a downer if you have to offer this year as thje 25th anniversary of Prince Hairy going to a party at the age of 20 in a Nazi uniform.

Career move?

There was an interesting idea for Bier Smarmer in President Boris’ weekend newspaper essay. When Bier joins the eight – yes, count them, eight – former UK PMs on the international speaking circuit some time this year, he has a ready-made act to take on tour.
    All he has to do is steal Jonah Burnbum’s history of disasters and rewrite it for his own catalogue of catastrophes – with a list of those other than Bier who are to blame.
    Should get them flocking to any conference centre around the world to roll in the aisles.

The Blob is upset

Top snivel servants are on a go-slow in response to fears of more of them being made to carry the can for Smarmer’s blunders. He’s also accused of doing blame-shedding briefings against them.

Pay up, you rats!

The Labour party should pay the entire cost of the bye-election in Makerfield as it is totally unnecessary and solely for Labour’s convenience. Either the whole party or the supporters of A. Burnbum, who will be the principal beneficiary if Reform UK doesn’t get in his way.

Painful!

The Neanderthalers in southern Russia had dentists 60,000 years ago, experts are claiming. That’s the conclusion from a tooth and stone tools found in a cave in the Altal Mountains.

Fear Factor

If you are in a crowded lift, you are entitled to feel uneasy, the experts reckon. Elevator manufacturers have failed to update the maximum number of occupants allowed for decades to take account of the o’besity epidemic. Thus stuck lifts are liable to become even more common.

Not so wellbeing

Those who climbed the social ladder from the working class are less happy than those who started from the middle class, a survey by a charity has concluded.
    One theory would be that they have an inbuilt sense of grudge, which dilutes their ability to feel happy.

Are we braced?

The rat-dropping virus that blighted a cruise ship is being offered as the Next Big Threat by medical experts. The lengthy incubation period; around 2 months; meant that Patient Zero; now deceased; had plenty of opportunities to spread the virus, and so did his contacts.

Today’s Questions

Is Jonah Burnbum even more economically illiterate than Ms Thievin Reeves? Is that why the looney Left are so fond of him?

Kiss of death?

Bier Smarmer sez he’ll support the Labour candidate in the Makerfield bye-election – so that’s the stooge doomed?
● The election was called after the departure of Josh Simons, a Labour MP who had to resign in disgrace from a ministerial job after being found to have presided over a smear campaign against journalists who upset him.

Masochist’s heaven

There’s not much of a future in store for whoever replaces Bier Smarmer, the doombuggers are predicting. Whoever it is will have an even more ludicrous Left scam for tax and waste, and will end even more hated than Uncle Bier.

Get it right

A Labour source more or less described Jonah Burnbum as a perpetual thorn in the party’s side if he isn’t made leader more or less as of right.
    The Deadleg in the North has been described as “being blinded by his own greatness”, which is well off-target. His own sense of greatness is what should have been offered.
    Or his presumption of. Or his entitlement to.

Red warning grub

What do you get in a butty from what’s supposed to be an up-market sandwich shop? Loads of salt, a survey has found. More in one single butty than the NHS limit of 6 grammes for the whole day, in some cases.

Today’s Question

That advert on the Legend TV channel during episodes of the $6M Man – the one with the boggling-bonk sound track. It’s for something to be applied to balls, as illustrated by a bloke on a beach in a skimpy set of swimwear trunks.
    Which invites the questions: Is it only for balls?
    And does the stuff rot dicks, so it’s not a good idea to get any on one?

Crossword offering

Clue: Prisoner when Labour is in government (7)
Answer: Outmate

More of it

Some universities are failing to protect Jewish students from the efforts of the national anti-Semitic crisis. Or are they just not infringing the ’uman bluddy rights of the anti-Semites?

Super sneaky

Could it be that the government is behind a move to label price rises as a product of Trumpflation as a means of shedding any responsibility for its own serial financial mismanagement?

Well, possibly

Could it be that playing the FA Cup Final in London took Man. City far enough away from Jonah Burnbum’s curse to let them win?
    And that if Jonah manages to buy his way into Downing Street, the North of England will rush to prosperity when this prime doomster is Darn Sarf and well out of the way?

Not us, Gov

The Southbank Centre arts venue in London; recipient of £10 million of our money, has a very liberal policy towards its minions. If the chairman compares Reform UK voters to Nazi supporters, that’s okay and nowt to do with his employer.

Wot a FA Cup!

Some really, really naff hair styles on show. Lotz of yellow cards waved by the ref. A lot more happening in City’s half and the Pink Panther in their goal got lots of TV exposure.
    Neither goal was in too much danger until City put on past the Green Grotter in Chelski’s goal after 71 minutes. Could City waste 5 minutes of extra time and win? Yep.

So much for brain power

An expert has come up with an explanation for why we can’t spot ‘lost’ items when they are in plain sight. The human brain will look only where it expects the missing object to be, particularly if we are in a hurry, and ignore the object if it’s in an unfamiliar setting.

The BIG question

Would Man. City be able to overcome The Curse of Jonah or would the Deadleg in the North help Chelski to prevail in the FA Cup Final?

Everybody Out!

The strike-happy BMA is offering diversity and equality with a strike ballot for senior doctors. They have been rather neglected with the juveniles leaping out on strike every five minutes. But no more.

Dandelion coffee instead?

The tea producers around the world are playing the climate change card even more heavily in what looks like an excuse to shove up prices. Lower yields and more blending work to keep the taste as it is now are on the way, they say.
    Anyone got a decent substitute?

Lame duck parade

It would appear that Jonah Burnbum has thrust himself forward far enuff to encourage pundits to look at his record in detail and see all the disasters: patients dying of neglect at Stafford Hospital, vast over-ordering of swine flu vaccine, banks going bust, sending Greater Manchester Police into administration and the chief constable sacked, and all the rest.
    The general conclusion is that he would be as Bad For Britain as Angular Rainer plus Edstone Milipede if he replaced Bier. All he has to offer is Snake Oil bottled by a genuine charlatan.

More fantasy

This King’s Speech at the opening of an new session of Parliament has been declared the most irrelevant ever uttered.
    Just Bier Smarmer in desperate scramble mode. At pace.

Pandemic condition revival

The doombuggers are being extra gloomy these days with a Labour government disaster piled on wars with Ukraine and Iran. Good news for youngies who won’t work, however.
    With 165,000 jobs predicted to go up in smoke, they won’t have to waste time pretending to be too anxious to work.
● The Rainer workers’ rights charter is seen as the biggest disincentive to recruitment.

No fly

Tourists hanging back over fears of flight cancellations are forcing airlines to cut prices to drum up holiday trade. The decline in business ranges from 10% to around 44% for some destinations.

Busy Day

The Polis of the Metrolopis will be charging around in armoured cars today with a Cup Final, a gathering of patriots and the usual gangs of Islamists out and about to contend with.
    So that’s another £5 million of our money down the drain.

Today’s other comment

Why don’t they just shoot the bugger(s) and spare us all the messing about?

Some choice

Just what we need – The Deadleg in the North versus The Deadleg in the South in a battle to decide how the country is to be trashed.

Today’s Comment

Serbia Smarmer: “Let me be quite clear . . .”
Derived meaning: “You can see right through him.”

Legal failure

Something that’s not going away is the ishue of the convictions of nurse Lucy Letby for murder on the basis of ‘evidence’ which fails to pass ‘not proven’ standards.
    Three years of foot-dragging by the Criminal Case Review Commission is evidently not enuff.

Fat brats

25% of kids starting primary school are overweight or o’bese and in poor health. So much for the child-rearing skills of their parents.

Fact or fiction

Put’n the Poisoner has announced that his attack on Ukraine; the 3-day dash to victory which is now in its 5th year; is coming to an end.
    Interpretation: Ukraine’s superior fighting forces and drones are regaining lost ground and wrecking Put’nstan and the invaders have no answer to them. Or it’s a bluff.

Reading the runes

It has been an interesting few days for the pundits, especially those doing The Wee Streeting Story. Will he launch a convincing challenge for the Labour leadership? Or will he act tough then bottle it?
    If there’s an available scenario, it has been dump upon Wee at some time or another and everyone can claim to have got it right at some point in the procession. And expect everyone else to ignore the times when things were got hopelessly wrong, of course.

Today’s Question

When are we going to get a report on the health of the Strangers’ Bar door, which was the object of an unprevoked assault by failed (at the moment) stamp duty dodger Angular Rainer?
    The nation wishes to know.

The politics of confusion

Bier Smarmer’s claim that getting rid of him would plunge Britain into chaos is raising doubts about the sanity and contact with reality of not only Bier but also his cronies.
    If we are in Tory chaos, as they keep on droning on at us, how can we possibly get chaoser?

Something else going wrong

If you didn’t have your first child at 29, feel guilty. That’s the implication of research on on the other side of the Atlantic, which declared 29 as the perfect age to start breeding.

A lot of it about

Labour’s fantasists are under severe threat from Mr. Alias of the green grotters. Was he a spokes for the British Red Cross? Nope. Did he work for the Ministry of Justice? Nope.
    Did he pay council tax when he was living on his canal barge? Nope. And then there’s Mr. Baggy of the grotters, who flaunts his flash cars whilst the rest of the grotters are waging war on motorists.

Reversal!

Put’nstan’s Victor Day event in Mockba this year was just a small Defeat Day event. It needed a short truce arranged by President Thump to avoid a shower of Ukrainian drones on Red Square.
    Worse, the meat-grinder in the west left Put’n the Poisoner with nothing much to display and be triumphant about in terms of soldiers and tanks.
● Being in Mockba was a rare experience for Put’n as he spends most of his time well away from the capital in bunkers to avoid assassination, lurking in rooms done up to look like offices in the Kpeml.

Dither, dither, dead

The inquest on a woman who drowned after becoming trapped in rocks on a beach in Lowestoft paints a sorry picture of the local so-called emergency services. She was let down by the ambulance service, coastguards, the fire brigade, everyone.
● Freeing her, when it was finally done after she was dead, took a couple of firemen only about one lousy minute.

“Let the people decide”

President Thump is going for the ultimate distraction – he’s ordered the declassification of hundreds of pictures and reports of UFOs, and that’s only a starter.
    It’s all part of proving that his regime is more transparent than previous ones.

Well, that’s credible; not

The picture in the paper showed a line of illegals on a Border Farce marine taxi. One of them is circled and we were invited to believe he could might maybe be small boat illegal No. 200,000.
    Right. So on to the next waste of time, is it?

Nowt to offer

The Labour party might have identified non-entity Bier as a problem but it’s stuck with the same problem whoever replaces him. Whether it’s the Deadleg in the North or some other deadleg, things for the customers will only get dearer and much, much worser.

Doorstep messages

What has done for Smarmer’s Army is delivering the wrong sort of change. Such as doing pensioners out of their winter fuel allowance, grabbing lotz more in taxes, raising the costa living, trying to abolish jury trials, letting criminals out of gaol early or not even sending them to gaol, ignoring shoplifting, betraying Brexit, et al.

Today’s Question

Why does Angular Rainer pick on doors?
    Answer: Because they are fixed in place and they can’t chase her to fight back.

Too much

Is it reasonable to send a woman to gaol for sticking a knife into her estranged husband after he took her two pet dachshunds to a vet to be killed?
    Still, Labour is notoriously soft on crime and so she could just be inside for a year. Or even less.

The Riddler

Mr. Alias has been refusing to admit where he pays his council tax. Opinon is divided on whether this is routine attention-seeking or an attempt to become a Man of Mystery.
    The world awaits his decision? Right.

Clunking fist descends

Italy and Portugal have both chickened out of suspending vexatious EFU border checks after some behind the scenes booting. Greece remains the only less-hassle destination for visitors from the UK, and expects to do very well out of it.

Still gone

The conveniently missing McSweety phone ended up in a second-hand shop in Peckham, the police discovered. It was sold but returned by a customer who couldn’t get it to work as it had been shut down remotely.
    The bloke at the shop was arrested for handling stolen goods. The phone, and any Mandelsleaze stuff still on it, remains missing in action.

Life’s complications

The Pope has revealed that he had trouble getting his bank in his home town of Chicago to change his details when he moved to Italy. An operator put the phone down on him when he told her that, actually, he’s The Pope.
    He then had to get a minion to chivvy the boss of the Chicago bank to get heads banged together and the job done.

More spivery

FIFA is getting another booting for exploiting World Cup fans. This time, the disgust is over charging $375 for T-shirts which look like they cost a couple of bucks to make in China.

No deal

President Thump doesn’t seem to be having much luck with his campaign to intimidate Iran’s dicktaters. He’s rapidly running out of excuses for not resuming bombing the FK out of them.

Not any sort of saviour

Let us not be in any doubt that it was due to the antics of Angrier Robot as well as Uncle Bier and the rest that got Labour a kicking from the electorate. The last thing we need is doing what she wants.
    How was an uneducated shop steward able to buy an £800 grand seaside holiday home; on which she failed to pay the right amount of tax; and whose pockets are she in? That’s what we need to know now.

Patriot Gold

There is now a 23-foot statue of President Trump ‘made of gold’ at his personal golf course in Florida. Which leaves the rest of us wondering how long it will be before some enterprising crook strolls off with it to find out how many millions of bucks it’s worth melted down. Or ends up disappointed by gold paint.

Politics of the pathetic

Reading what the ministerial aides who quit offered confirms that Labour is full of fantasists. The country can’t lose confidence in Smarmer – it never had any. People didn’t vote for change at the general election – 80% of them didn’t, anyway.
    And another but different deadleg in No. 10 will make Nett Zero difference to anything.

Wee Feartie!

The SNP leader admits that he’s scared of a Reform government in England with Mr. Farage as PM. That’s why he’s agitating for an independence referendum before the next general election and he’s slathering Farage with rachelism slurs.

The way it is

Smarmer told to go, fails to get the message. No one surprised.

Nice racket

Members of the Scottish Parliament who stood down or were evicted by the voters will get bonuses totalling £4 million to help the 66 stooges to resettle off the gravy train. The amount was boosted by a pay rise which came into force on April 1st, before they got or took the bullet.
● The vote was 40% for parties demanding an independence referendum and 60% for pro-Union parties in the constituencies ballot.
● 50% of the Scottish electorate didn’t bother to vote.

The real King’s Speech

“My Prime Minister will continue to bog things up until he is booted into touch and replaced by another deadleg.”

Get it right

Someone needs to remind Mrs. Badenuff, the Tory leader, that Labour didn’t win a mudslide in the last general election because people voted for Smarmer’s Army. Only 20% of the electorate did that. Uncle Bier got in via Vote Reform, Get Labour.

Be Inventive!

One of the excuses deployed by the French for taking our money and doing nothing to stop small boaters is that slashing a dinghy to make it unseaworthy infringes the ’uman bluddy rights of the illegals on it.

Digging deep

A spot of good news for Labour came from Birmingham, where a bloke who was gaoled in Yemen for trying to blow up the Britisch consulate there stood as an independent candidate for the council and got booted into touch by his Labour rival.

Split engineers

A survey by a firm of financial business advisors had concluded that the divorce rate would be much higher but for the cost of doing it. A clear hint that using their services would be a big help to would-be splitters.

Bad as politicians for getting it wrong

The Oxford Union isn’t having much luck with picking a new president for this student debating society. The last one got the push for celebrating the murder of the US activist Charlie Kirk. His replacement has been sidelined following allegations of vote-rigging!

Pie Wars

A plan to call a road in Melton Mowbray Pork Pie Way has upset the local veganists. They suggested Vegan Pie Way as an alternative which isn’t pig-demeaning.
    “Farcical” was the response of the local council’s leader.

Keep him there?

If Reform UK is now the top dog, there remains a role for Bier Smarmer. As Mr. Farage announced, he’s Reform’s best asset; with the stress on the ‘ass’. Meanwhile, Smarmer is working at pace to make sure that the blame falls where it belongs – on his deadleg minions, who have let him down badly and not improved the lives of the voters fast enuff.

Wot planet is this from?

Quiz clue: 46-inward team
Response: WFT?
Answer: Eleven
Response: Still WTF?

File under ‘U’ for Unnecessary

Another Daily Disaster reader was asking if there has ever been a Jewish character in The Archers.
    Obviously a fan of the practice of inappropriate ethnic loading in the name of dickheaded diversity.

File under ‘E’ for Engineering

Why does no one build a really small electric car? a Daily Disaster reader asked. Because after the HUGE battery was installed in a tiny shell, there wouldn’t be room for a driver, never mind passengers.

No Go

Travel is looking increasingly dodgy these days. Flying somewhere involves the hazard of cancellation on top of the 4-hour queues created by the EFU.
    Get on a cruise ship and you could be exposed to a deadly rat virus. Travel in the UK is discouraged for many by petrol prices and vexatious speeding and parking abuses.
    Pulling up the drawbridge and having a homecation is looking by far the best option.

Loaded gun

Who will benefit most from Labour’s plan to allow pre-paid bank cards with no photograph as a means of identification when the next general election comes around?
    And will the plan be abandoned if Labour’s backroom nerds work out that the grotters will get more fraudulent and ‘family votes’ than they can hope for?

Ginormous snag

In reply to President Boris concluding that a shrinking human population is a Good Thing for The Planet came the view that governments are giant Ponzi scams.
    As a consequence of this change and a fall in the number of contributing mugs, governments will have to live within their means instead of creating debt mountains to be paid off by future generations, who won’t exist.

Floods of fantasy

Bitz of the Labour party are striking back at greenlighting with some old fashioned gaslighting.
    They’re pretending that Bier is the only problem and hoping to distract attention from the failures of the rest of the crew, starting with Milipede, Thievin and Angrier Robot. And the absurd proposition that Jonah Burnham can save the day.

Drone rival?

The self-proclaimed US Secretary of War has felt the need to deny that Iran has kamikaze dolphins, which have been trained to attack ships like creature torpedoes. But Mr. Secretary is not prepared to say whether the US has or hasn’t any.

Wow, gosh!

The attention-sneaker who was going to save the world from Smarmism has lost her bottle and dived back into her bunker. Well, there’s a surprise!

A truly ghastly scenario

The doombuggers are in full disaster mode now. They reckon some mug of an MP is ready to step aside and let the Jonah Burnham, the Deadleg in the North, take his place in the Commons. Once that is done, next stop, Bier’s job.

Another Fantasist

Our Fantasist of the Exchequer has a serious rival – Mr. Alias of the green grotters. He has used claims that he was a spokes for the British Red Cross to raise money for boosting his status in the grotters.
    Not true, that spokes thing, the BRC is saying.
    No one surprised.

Get it right

Did Angrier Robot’s antics prove that Labour could actually organize a booze-up in a brewery? the pundits are asking.
    All she really proved, the experts reckon, was that with her on the loose, it would be one of the shortest booze-ups in history.

Cash, drain, the usual story

Academics at Cambridge and Stirling universities have been given a quarter of a million quid to get the rachelism out of school subjects. Like maths, which is to be decolonialized and made inclusive. By woke idiots? Right.

Attention seeker?

A Labour MP we’ve not heard of sneaks out of the woodwork and tells Bier Smarmer to quit.
    No one surprised.

Unsullied

We’ve had a lot recently from politicians on TV going on about what they hear ‘on the doorstep’. How strange that they ignored the Mansion and my neighbours in the run-up to last Thursday’s elections.
    Feart of being clawed by the Mansion Cat?

Not criminal enuff

The Premiere League is getting a booting for showing solidarity with an American criminal by making teams kneel down before a match but not showing the same solidarity with Britain’s assaulted Jewish community.

More change

 The doombuggers are now predicting that the Iran war will cost the Republicans control of the US Senate. That’s in addition to never having control of the House of Representatives. Which means that their president will go from Thump to Slump for his final two ineffective years in the White House. Still, he’s got his place in history. Not that he’ll like it, of course.

Grim indeed

We are being told that we have reached a grim millstone of 200,000 small boat invaders. But it’s not being made even grimmer by telling us how much we’ve paid the French for not stopping the small boats.
    What does increase the grimness, however, is being told that just 7,612 of the boaters have been exported.

Nowt new

President Thump threatens to blow Iran off the face of the Earth. Everyone else goes, “Yeah, right.” and gets on with what they were doing before the interruption.
    No one surprised.

Smarmer sell-out

His idea of an EFU reset is £1 BILLION a year of our cash going to the EFU and nothing for us in return. Apart from more UseLEZ red tape.

Limp to the point of contempt

Surrey County Council is refusing to publish a damaging report on the domestic abuse which led to the death of a 10-year-old girl.
    The reason given is that revealing the failings of the council’s social workers could might maybe breach the killer father’s data protection rights.

Full circle

A green grotter council candidate in London; the daughter of the Queen Mother of Lagos; was running on a ticket including demands for trillions of slavery repayments from us.
    No danger of her family in Nigeria, which used to sell slaves, coughing up a few quid, though.

File under ‘T’ for Tragic

Further to the previous item on greenwashing, there is now severe competition for hogwash from greenwash.

Divine Disapproval!

Thunder & lightning outside as the leader of the SNP, on the lunchtime BierBC news, accuses Reform UK and Mr. Farage of being rachelist. No slur is ever inaccessible to the politically desperate.

All okay now

Smarmer calls to No. 10, trusted advisors to promote his leadership – Harridan Harperson and Gordon F. Broon, the man who helped Jonah Burnham to make the banks go bust in 2008.
    A nation emits a sigh of relief.

Wishes and reality

President Thump has been reduced to accepting conditions offered to Iran by Prsident O’Bummer in an attempt to get this war over in a week or soo and onto his list of conflicts ended by someone worth a Nobel Peace Prize.
    No one hopeful.

Brainpower needs to be applied

One slight quibble with Mrs. Badenuff, the Tory leader: she wants more police so they can get tough with minor acts of anti-social behaviour.
    Just as long as it’s not a licence to keep on harassing people for hurty stuff on the interweb rather than actual crime.

Niedergang Road

The green grotters are dafter than we suspected if they want to form a progressive majority with a Labour party led by Jonah Burnham.
    That’s the man who was a health minister when patients were dying of neglect at Stafford Hospital, a Treasury minister when all the banks went bust and the local police commissioner when the Greater Manchester Police force was put into administration and the chief constable was sacked for being UseLEZ.
    Could Jonah wipe out two political parties? Easily!

Yaa-boo to doombuggers!

Bier Smarmer is claiming victory in the English local council eelections. Only fourteen hundred Labour seats lost instead of the three thousand predicted by the doombuggers has to be a victory for democrazy and Uncle Bier.
    Thus he is taking this great success as an endorsement of the effectiveness of his personal interventions behind the scenes in the days before the elections.

On and on and on

It’s been going forever and it’s never gonna stop. In a collection of stories by Frank Muir and Denis Norden taken from the radio show My Word!, published in 1973, there’s a mention of people smuggling illegals into Britain, usually from India or Pakistan, at £150 a time.
    Bit more expensive now.

Pundit shunned

Why Charles must cancel his state visit to the White House NOW – seen in a newspaper being recycled.
    No doubt Platel Speeple is feeling very annoyed after being ignored and the visit going ahead and being a success.

Repair needed

What we need to do is bin the chiché “my/our thoughts are with”, which always invites the cynical response “Yeah. Right.” as it has been worked to death and beyond.
    Something less formulaic and insincere would be good.

Robot Attack!

Rubbish local councils are upset because they are getting longer and increasingly aggressive complaints from their dissatisfied customers. A.I systems are getting the blame for weaponizing responses to bad service.

Nett Zero repair bills

The apologists for Angrier Robot are claiming it would be okay  to make her PM as the doors at 10 Downing Street open automatically when someone staggers toward them to avoid being damaged.

Bad Guys’ Support Group

New York is going as soft on crime as our wonderful government here with an attempt to let anyone out of gaol after 15 years. No matter how many people they killed?

Unwelcome replay

Mr. Alias and the grotters have been sussed. He’s just a younger version of Corbynstein’s Monster. Which means what? That Bier Smarmer will start telling us that Mr. Alias is his best mate, as he did with Corby?
p.s. The term gaslighting has been replaced by greenlighting.

One out, Lotz out

The latest Labour desperation ploy to keep our usually absent Prime Fantasist in place is a threat of a general election.
    Swithering MPs are being told that if they Bin Bier, they will be out of their seat, too.

More Thievin

Our wonderful government is carefully considering whether it can get away with binning the council parking ticket cap of £70 outside London. That’s fines for parking over the white lines or taking too long to make the crApp work.
    £160 is the starting point. £200 next year? Certainly more than a shoplifter or a criminal damager would have to pay.

Farage strikes back

A Reform UK government will build detention centres for illegal entrants who are about to be exported in areas which voted for the green grotters!
    Sounds fair to the rest of us.

Correcting the comparison

Lest we forget, the interest rate on 10-year UK bonds hit a short-lived blip of 4.6% lasting a month or so when Trussty Lizzie was PM. It has been a continuous disaster under Smarmer and Thievin, exceeding this blip in an already upward trend since the end of last year.
    And it would be a terminal catastrophe if we had a soft-in-the-head Leftie regime under Jonah & Angrier with Edstone as the substitute for a chancellor.

How typical

The honcho of a teaching union wants heads to stop being pleased when their school is doing well. Why? Because it makes the underachievers feel bad.
    This bloke is being dismissed; rightly; as a snoflake killjoy.

Voice of sanity

Human populations are falling worldwide and some politicians are in a panic about it. No need to, says President Boris.
    Most of the world’s problems are caused by the demands of too many humans wrecking the enviromint. [and being too woke and miserable to work] And we have the promise of A.I doing away for the need for lots of human jobs, let us not forget.

The pollytics of convenience

A decade ago, Mr. Alias was a self-confessed proud Jew and an enthusiastic Zionist. But when that didn’t get him elected as a Trivial Democrap member of the London Assembly, he took over the Green party and became an anti-Semitic grotter.
    So it goes.

Really retro

Sod the enviromint, the green grotters are trying to become a Scaregill Labour party clone with no anti-strike laws and flying pickets everywhere.
    Mr. Alias sees that as his way into government. Labour’s role as the party of anti-Semitism is also being challenged.

Milipede madness

Edstone Milipede is getting a booting for accusing BP of profiting from a crisis – that’s whilst a Labour government is grabbing huge amounts of tax from the company.
    So much that the new boss of BP is considering selling off UK assets and shifting to somewhere more friendly abroad.

Still not fooled

“The following trigger warning is a load of woke bullshit and should be ignored by anyone with more than two working brain cells.”

Today’s Stomper

“Tell me, are you interested in . . .”
    “No, I tried ‘interested out’ and it was rubbish. So I’m not about to do ‘interested in’, thank you very much.”

More economic contraction

Another booting for the Fantasist; Whitbread is getting rid of nearly 4,000 employees and lotz of its hotels. Unrealistic punitive taxes are to blame. And Thievin, of course.
    And Unilever will be sneaking its prices up in small doses.

Tripe to finish, argument lost

An incurable delusion among the climate criminals and others is that The Planet is some sort of living creature which is being distressed beyond belief by the antics of the current dominant species on its surface.
    Shame they’ll never get that if they conclude an otherwise intelligent article with this opinion, it blows their credibility to shreds.

Mouth going, brain off

A new green grotter MP has been having a go at the rest of them for smelling of booze when they shuffle into voting lobbies. Which just shows how out of touch she is.
    The Labour lot have to be ratted to be able to vote for their party’s latest bit of lunacy.

Bet on Crunch!

The Bonk of England is being trounced in the doombugger stakes. It is making noises about its interest rate going up from the current 3.75% to 5.25%. Meanwhile, the real doomers are predicting inflation of 6%.

Whatever, we’re doomed!

All the people who have thrust dosh into Angrier’s pockets look likely to get no return. And with Edstone hitting the buffers of reality, it’s all good news for the Disaster Zone in the North, Jonah Burnham.

Gone guy, more or less?

Uncle Bier is coming under increasing pressure to boot Milipede out of his Energy Sec. job to restore some credibility to the Labour party. Lotz of comrades are seeing Red Ed as a threat to their job rather than Edstone the Saviour of The Universe from Gorbal Warmage.

Everyone to suffer?

Fat jabs are being credited with a reduction in the amount of heavy drinking done by their users. A boost in alcohol tax to keep up revenues as the response from our Fantasist of the Exchequer? Suitably disguised, of course.

Hate Rulz, OK

The Home Secretary has been accused of deception by dropping himts about a ban on Palestine Pal hate marches even though her Cabinet colleagues blocked an attempt to do this a month ago.

Blind Bier

Our Prime Fantasist is telling his gang not to recreate the chaos of the last government. Clear proof that he’s not paying attention if he can’t see the chaos he and his lot have created.

Self-interest?

60,000 criminals have been let out of gaol early under the government’s ‘soft on crime’ policy. So that they can vote Labour in this week’s local elections?

Job devaluation

In last night’s episode of the £6M Man, there was a female prime minister who was treated as a really big deal. They’d never get away with it now, after a couple of years of a deadleg like Bier Smarmer.

Jobs for the family

Bier Smarmer’s niece has got a shot at a safe Labour seat in Croydon for the local elections. All the usual procedures and rules were followed to bin two sitting councillors to make room for her. The same procedures that got the Mandelsleaze his job as an ambassodor?

Damage repair

New Zealand is having to take steps to reverse the decline of its iconic kiwis. Attempts are being made to restock the hills around Wellington, the capital, which have been free of them for a century. Humans have received the blame for reducing the area’s kiwi population from a guesstimated 12 million to the current count of 70,000.

Kind of works!

Mr. Alias has been given an alibi by the generous Conservitive leader Mrs. Badenuff. He’s too thick to understand what he’s saying. Hence his extensive record for being offensive in a public place.

File under ‘C’ for Cute

The Smarmer Alibi: If you don’t know what the truth is, if you have no concept of this thing called truth, then you can’t be accused of lying!!

Four to become Five?

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln and . . . Donald Thump??
    Apparently, the current US president thinks that turning the April Fool addition to Mount Rushmore into reality is a good idea. But then, he would, wouldn’t he?
p.s. How long would it be before some mad dynamiter reduced the Five back to Four?

Politicians, eh?

There have been complaints from all sectors that the Scottish government isn’t funding care for children, pensioners, everyone who needs it. And there’s a £50 BILLION black hole in the accounts.
    So what does the SNP have as its priority if it wins another term? Blowing loads of cash it doesn’t have on another referendum on independence from England, which pays for so much of Scotland’s needs.

What?!?!

Iran is believed to have accursed the Untied States of being a blaht attacker. Translators are now struggling to apply meaning to the phrase so that an appropriate response can be offered.

A way ahead

The First Sea Lord thinks we need a fleet of unmanned drone ships if Labour won’t let him recruit humans. And flying drones instead of destroyers around aircraft carriers. If they ever get to sea.

Not doing badly compared to some

The former Prince Andrew received a popularity rating of 2% in a recent poll. Which is way better than our Prime Fantasist’s rating of -46%.

Protected species

Under Labour ‘reforms’, just 0.3% of shoplifters will go to gaol. The rest will get a suspended sentence, which will leave them free to carry on.

More fantasy

How do you get a former head of the FBI into court on a charge of threatening to kill President Thump? Use a picture he posted online of sea shells spelling out the number 8647. Claiming this is death threat is B.S, however.
    To 86 something in the US is slang for getting rid of it. Mr. Thump is the 47th president as well as the 45th. Wanting to be shot of Thump is not a death threat, just an aspiration. But not to really pathetic politicos, of course.

Fair Enuff!

When you see on the news that our Labour Prime Fantasist is going to hold an antisemitism (sic) summit, the automatic assumption is that he’s going to get together with the green grotters to look for new ways to promote it.
    Something to do with ‘change’, no doubt.

No way!

Q: Is it still possible to do a calculation on the back of a fag packet?
A: No, the pictures of the horrible diseases you get from voting Labour no longer leave any room for writing.

A Labour only definition

Fiscal rectitude: spending more money on Labour’s Benefits Voters than Income Tax receipts.

What a laff if it happened

Is it possible that the voters will go for Labour just to be perverse and make idiots out of the all-knowing pundits who have been forecasting a wipe-out in the local elections?

Dupes

Last year’s fires at Bier Smarmer’s properties and a car he once owned were started by foreign immigrant fantasists, their trial was told.
    The three pyros were promised lotz of dosh by an alleged Put’stani secret agent on an app.
    Surprise! No cash was forthcoming.

Today’s Question

Q: Do voters feel that something is not quite right?
A: Nope, they now feel that absolutely everything is totally and unfixably wrong.

Reality? Who needs it?

The reports of the McSweety interrogation by a Commons select committee chaired by Lady White Van Man paint him as small, blustering and as hippocritical as, well, Bier the Smarmer.
    He claims to be someone who has barely heard of the Mandelsleaze. No wonder references to the Wonderful World of Oz were flying around in those reports.

Ain’t it the truth

Crossword clue: restores to zero
Answer: reset
    Hang on, isn’t that what we’re getting out of the EFU after Bier’s reset, bloody zero?
    No, no it’s worse than that. We have to give them loadsa dosh and get nothing in return – i.e. less than zero.

Today’s Inquisition

Q: What do you get if you buy toys containing Chinese coloured sand?
    A: A bonus of toxic powdered asbestos.
Q: Where is the truth?
    A: Out there in the wide world.
Q: Where are we?
    A: Stuck indoors, listening to Labour’s lies.

Today’s Offer

Jewel in the Crown or Junk that goes Clunk. Take your pick.

More hippocrisy

Yet another reason to boot Edstone Milipede – he’s demanding solar panels on all new homes but he has Nett Zero of them on his Personal Property Portfolio.

Smarmer Harmer

Bier Smarmer decided that Golders Green, the scene of the latest terror attack on Jewish people, wasn’t safe for him to visit.
    A mile away was as close as he could dare to get for some posturing after driving past jeering crowds.
    Mrs. Badenuff and Mr. Farage had no problem with being on the spot. No sign of Mr. Alias, though.

Hyper-hostile

How strange that the Iranian embassy in London is still open after it started trying to sign up mugs for a martyrdom campaign. Just what we need; more bloody suicide bombers.

Today’s fascinating fact

Bier Smarmer has collected enough Frequent Liar Miles to circle The Earth eight times!!

The sleaze verdict

The end point of bringing Bier to account seems to be that the appropriate processes were followed but ignored when their outcome proved to be inconvenient.
    And there is nothing to be done about it in Parliament coz of Labour’s vast majority. There is no hole that Bier can’t dig which can’t be filled with the bodies of his stooges.

As bright, but still gone

For years, it has been fashionable to assume that now extinct Neanderthalers were less brainy than ‘modern’ humans. Now, the old assumption has been rubbished by modern rethinking.
    The Neanders were as bright as moderns but they were just swamped and incorporated into the larger population.

Nowt to do with us!

Are we really supposed to be interested in this year including the 250th anniversary of the end of America’s first civil war? Or are we expected to believe that President Thump ended it whilst he was doing a spot of time travelling?

Just what happens

Just another day in Brixton. Someone loosing off with a gun, four people in hospital; probably the target and three unlucky by-standers.
    But what else can you expect with an ineffective Sadgeek as both crime commish and mayor?

Minute relief

Yesterday, Esso had it’s petrol down to 158.9p/litre and its diesel down to 193.9p/litre. Not exactly affordable, though.

Today’s thing to look out for

Greenscamming: The art & practice of pretending to be a friend of the enviromint when your agenda is nothing to do with it; e.g. that hidden agenda is all about promoting pot parlours, high street brothels and Nett Zero border controls and pretending what happens in Gaza is the most important thing in the universe.

File under ‘F’ for Fail

I switched on the BierBC TV news yesterday and they were going on and on and on about something called Slebrity Traders. Not exactly something I recognized as news worth knowing.

The popular opinion

Maybe head teachers should have to pass an annual reality check so that if they stop their quota of kids from wearing a jumper after the school winter term, they can be dumped into a dole queue as a failure.

An artist of talent

The portrait of Thievin Reeves, for which we paid three grand, is being praised because it captures ‘the essense of someone who hasn’t a clue what to do next’.
    Which sounds spot on.

Parting shot

The Lords have frustrated a Labour plan to let the government order pension funds to put cash into its fave projects. A useful contribution to the nation, which is likely to decrease now that hereditary peers have gone and only a majority of party hacks and deadlegs remains.

Worth a try?

Someone billed as a house whisperer has to be out of the same box as a bloke who reckons he can make a woman’s boobs bloom by hypnotizing her. Or could the lady whisperer be just the person to drop a hint to subsonics-emitting old pipes and get them to shut the FK up?

Myth mangled

According to experts in Alberta, haunted houses are more likely to have ancient plumbing than a ghost. Low frequency vibrations in ancient pipes cannot be heard by humans but they can be sensed and have an adverse effect on someone’s sense of well being.

Ginger Crunch

The Angular Robot lobby is in full ‘nowt happened’ mode after she clobbered a door of Parliament’s Strangers’ Bar after a heavily taxpayer-subsidized boozing session and the door had to be removed for repairs. Not at all prime ministerial conduct! After all, how many doors has Bier battered?

Double think

The housing minister thinks freezing private rents will lose Labour votes in the local elections and shove rents up. The Fantasist Thievin thinks it will win votes for Labour. All bases covered, then?

Makes a sort of sense

There is now a lobby claiming that a disastrous loss of local council seats in the coming elections can’t be blamed on Bier.
    Why? Because Smarmer is a useless lump who never does anything. Which means that all the disasters were caused by his useless minions.
    Which means that if there is a Labour wipe-out in May, all the minions and Cabinet ministers should be sacked and Bier should be left doing his wooden figurehead job as he has to be ruled blameless.

No great shakes

Mr. Alias of the green grotters seems to be on the receiving end of a campaign to expose what he really is – the figurehead of a loud but irrelevant small gang of anti-Semites and drug-fan nasties.

Reality’s fringe

Is it really a record if the bloke clocked doing a legal marathon (as opposed to an illegal one?) in under two hours managed it only because he was wearing carbon fibre-powered supershoes?
    And will he be able to knock a couple of minutes off his time if he can get hold of a carbon fibre-powered tracksuit for his next marathon outing?

Hard times right now and forever?

The government is planning to use the stand-off @ Hormuz as its alibi for failing to get the economy under control for at least the rest of this year and the start of next year.
    Which means the rest of us will have to hunker in our bunkers until next spring and pretend we’re so tough that we didn’t miss not having a Christmas to celebrate in 2026.

Sad

Mr. Alias, the green grotter figurehead, is getting really desperate for attention. Why else would he endorse misinformation about the police to be noticed?

Short-term boost?

King Chuck seems to have done a good job of repairing the damage to UK-US relations caused by Serbia Smarmer and his underlings. But for how long will it last after the Royals get back home and the Labour lot continue to blunder?

More to the point

All the Labour MPs who gave Bier his Mandelzleaze ‘get out of gaol free’ card are now his accomplices? That carries an implication of active involvement when they’re really just hapless stooges for the most part.

Hamas in green

More bullet holes than feet – that’s where the green grotters are now. A lot of it is all down to picking local election candidates who think Jews were behind the 9/11 terror attacks on bits of America in 2001, and that the Hamas are great guys, hasn’t helped one little bit.

The unprotected

Afghan translators who were promised a ride to the UK have been abandoned. Thievin is about to put a rent freeze on private landlords only. Edstone the Milipede is attacking the oil industry and destroying jobs.
    And so it goes on.

No.1 Personship

The ludicrous claim of the week has to be that Labour is being known as the paedo protection party. The only peolple it protects are its own favoured trough-scoffers, like Bier, Edstone and Angrier. Everyone else can drop dead.

Just failing hype

The general opinion now is that if there was a genuine attempt to assassinate President Thump last weekend, then it was a particularly pathetic one if the bloke didn’t even get close to him.
    And talk of an assassination was gymnastically prethetic if the bloke was just hoping to kill some of Thump’s minions, not the man himself.

Diseases that go with the job

The Hippo Eats Dwarf collection of urban myths and actual true stuff hits the nail on the head with its examples of false memory syndrome – and also its opposite, sudden amnesia syndrome.
    That sums up nicely what we’ve been getting from Smarmer’s Army by the bucketful. Especially when there’s an investigation of something dodgy inviting evasion and obfuscation.

Outrageous

Duty Free Shops at foreign airports are going to have to be rebranded as Truth Free Shops after surveys have found that their prices are up to one-third higher than those charged on Britisch high streets.