Knife Edge!

A bit more reading told me how many Scottish Green MSPs there are. Two! Which makes Mr. Useless going after the support of the Alba party, which has one MSP, look a little less desperate.
    We’re not exactly dealing with heavyweight quantities north of the border.

Exceedingly small beer

Is the ‘scandal’ around the former BBC bod H. Edwards of any great consequence?
    Definitely not. It’s deep in ‘who the hell cares?’ territory. And people going on about him just shows how little of any consequence they have to occupy themselves with.

Daft but fun

Beware! The Blob (1972) starts with a container that should be in a freezer in a domestic kitchen for no apparent reason. The lid pops off and the red contents eat a fly, then a cute kitten, then the beer-swigging bloke’s wife, then the bloke.
    Lots more. The chicken farm. The bozo. Suddenly, it’s HUGE. The cops are useless. Totally. But the kid gets the job done and neutralized the slimy mass. Or does he?

Trying to take the money and run

The boss of Oxfam in Scotland throws a huge wobbly in yesterday’s Sunday Post about the SNP abandoning meaningless emissions targets and implying that this will have a serious effect on the global climate, which is bullshit.
    At the back of it is a demand for Scottish cash for some project in Kenya. Which should be tackled by the government there. If not, why not?

Thriller to finish

Wastery sunshine here, lots of MotoGP action in Spain on lap 1/24. Both Marquez bros in the top 5, Martin leading. Pedrosa was gone on lap 3; but not at Pedrosa Corner.
    Big crash with 16 to go. Martin crashed out from the lead on the next lap and Bagnaia inherited 1st place. Marc Marquez was up to 2nd on lap 15. He was really close to the leader with 5 to go.
    Past, they banged together sideways and Bagnaia ended up back in the lead. He managed to speed up, doing qualifying laps, and held on to win. Bezzecchi was a distant 3rd with Alex Marquez 4th.

Nice day for it

A good bit of action on lap 1/21 of Moto2. Blue sky and fluffy clouds. A clumsy crash @ turn 6. Then a high-side bucking bronco on lap 3. And another gone; no, 2 gone; on lap 4.
    More and more crashes. Joe Roberts carved up the field to 3rd with 9 to go. A spectacular crash with a rogue bike coasting along the track. And more and more gone, just like a Moto3 race!
    Roberts got past Gonzalez for 2nd with 3 to go. Aldequer had a fair lead into the last lap and went on to win.

How very non-cliché!

Well, that was unexpected. The film Jurassic Domination (2022) is a creature feature that doesn’t have more of the creatures lurking around, ready to strike back, when the humans are celebrating wiping out the main body of them.

Too civilized!

It’s horribly wet here but the Sun was shining on the Moto3 race in Spain. Alonso fell off in the lead at the last corner of lap 1/19! He got going again, well down the field. A wet patch?
    Six off the front early. All very sedate with Veijer leading. None of the usual bashing & crashing. The lead group was down to 4 at midway. Then 3. Muños had a good go on the last lap but Veijer held the lead. Ortega 3rd.

Body-Count Irrelevant

‘How can these professional virtue-signallers sleep at night?’ the Daily Disaster asked of the members of the House of Frauds who kept sabotaging the Rwanda Bill.
    Simple. They hate the Tories and getting in their way, no matter how many foreigners die, is all that matters to them.

Who Dat?

It seems that I’m not alone in thinking that statue in Rutland doesn’t look like Queen Elizabeth. New specs needed by the perpetrator and those who paid for it with other people’s cash?

Pragmatic, or what

Humbug Useless, Scotland’s SNP First Minister, has to be getting really desperate if he’s binned the Greens out of their coalition over the cost of meaningless climate claptrap.
    Meanwhile the Greens are still going along their merry way and pretending that what happens in Scotland determines the climate of the whole planet.
    Shame there isn’t a sanity requirement before people can go into politics and waste our money.

Career Move?

Brenda Blethyn, I read, is retiring from the job of playing DCI Vera Stanhope after 14 series of the TV cop show Vera. It’s amazing she kept going all these years. After all, how many 78-year-old police detectives are still in the job?
    If she’s still keen to carry on acting, maybe she could switch to a new series about a female president of the United States. The only drawback is she’s a bit too young to have that much credibility.

Good sense prevailing takes time

That bearded copper who stopped the Jewish bloke from barging into the ranks of Islamist marchers got a good slagging off initially and there was a dummox apology from the Met. Now, we’re being told that he did exactly the right thing to preserve the King’s Peace.
    Let us hope he’s safe at home, watching on his telly, if the Jewish bloke rounds up 1,500 yobbos and sets about the Islamist marchers this weekend.

Outrage Quotient Zero

Who was the British Royal who invited Rebel Wilson to a drug-fuelled orgy? the headline demanded.
    Which invited the response: “Who’s this Wilson woman and who cares anyway?”

Nearly, but not quite

The observant Littlejohn of the Daily Disaster has spotted that the Met has switched from busting people for the crime of Driving Whilst Black to Walking Whilst Jewish.
    There isn’t quite equivalence as those doing DWB would rather not be noticed but those doing WWJ are clearly all for it if they do it next to an Islamist street block.

Perverted Politics

The Labour lot have been accused of trying to scare old age pensioners with the deliberate lie that abolishing National Insurance means abolishing the state pension.
    But any oldies who don’t know that NI doesn’t fund the state pension have not been paying attention and deserve to stew in their own juice!

Just like me!

Social commentator, writer & commentator – they’re both standard descriptions for panelists on GB Views shows. But how seriously should they be taken?
    Well, both descriptions apply to me, based on what I do here. How seriously does anyone take that?

Primitives Rule!

You’d think there are lots of films about cave persons if you watch them with the subtitles switched on. Lots of instances of people going “Ugh!” during action sequences in the 2021 creature feature Megaboa. It’s a veritable ugh-fest.

All White

We have to elect a cosmetic mayor next month when we do the council election. In the good old days, we had a Lord Mayor who was mainly ceremonial. Now, we have to have some political crumb who wastes a ton of money, just like that prize berk they have in London.
    There are half a dozen candidates for the job, including the berkish incumbent, but the strange thing is that none of them is from an ethnic minority.
    We have an Indian PM, the Scottish bloke is from Gaza West from the way he acts, the Welsh bloke’s ancestors are presumably from Africa and the IRA is in charge at Stormont. You’d think from that situation that an ethnic would be compulsory on the mayoral list. But apparently not.

Amazing Amazon, Part Deux

Another go at tracking my delivery got the same message. When I went to the website instead of clicking the link in their email, I at least got the details of yesterday’s 3-hour delivery window.
    I ordered some small battery-powered lights, some batteries and a couple of packets of filters for a coffee machine. I got some suggestions for items related to my shipment a bit further down the page:
    a bottle of Zinc Bisglycinate tablets
        a multi-purpose squegee for windows
            some fancy toothpaste, probably overpriced
                    a medical fingertip pulse oximeter
                        sugar-free fruit water
That's as far as I went. Someone at Amazon has a lively imagination if any of that stuff is actually supposed to be related to what I ordered. Or maybe the list came from an A.l. with a weird sense of humour.

Refreshing

The bloke who was standing in for Patricks Chrispys whilst he was on holiday; I went to the GB Views website to look for the bloke’s name but the site is so bloody awful and clunks so much that I gave up; was a welcome breath of fresh air.
    The bloke assumed that the obligatory token far-Leftie would be in favour of not deporting foreign rapists & not sending Islamists & other criminals to gaol, and let them know it. And they did not like it one bit.
    Something for Mr. Chrispys to copy now he’s back at work.

Worked for us

What was yesterday’s excuse for a bit of a party? It was St. George’s Day, and having a celebration upsets all those on the far-Left who hate everything about Englishness.

Virtue flag shredded

All those people who think they’re doing their body a big favour by eating only in an 8-hour window and having a long fast from evening to the following morning have been let down.
    Another bunch of experts has come along, looked at the numbers on offer and decided the notion is a load of codswallop. Which seems to be par for the course where so-called experts are concerned.
    Most of what they tell us is dead great seems to be shot down in flames in due course. But not until after the experts have pocketed a chunk of cash, of course.

The Amazon Experience

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    Well, that was a lot of help. Not.

Even sillier

Star Trek Beyond (2016) reveals there’s a new rule: Jim has to order his crew to abandon shop on every mission thanks to an attack of scum-sucking aliens.
    If the captain’s name is Kirk, you can guarantee that he starship will end up crashed and wrecked at the back of beyond, the Franklin, the Enterprise, whatever. And rebuilt, which just encourages Jim to get up to even more daft antics.

Who’s the bad guys now?

The Republicans in the United States have done themselves no favours by delaying the aid package for Ukraine, Israel & Taiwan by 7 months of quibbling and stalling.
    All they’ve achieved is making Creaky Joe’s gang look almost competent.
    What are they up to? Have they secretly sold out to Russia & China?

No cheers initially

When someone sets a new female record for the London Marathon, the first thing you think now isn’t: “Well done!”, it’s “Is it really a woman?”
    That’s what all the blokes competing against real women have achieved.

Also silly at times but watchable

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) starts with Kirk being spotted as immature and over-promoted. Lots of zapping when he’s sent after a traitor. Gulp! Check out them torpedoes!
    Never trust the High Command. Not so much the Enterprise as the Enterfried when the bad guys zap it. If it’s not working, kick the hell out of it works for Jim Kirk. And okay, you just have to have a chase at the end.

Another one

Make Shirk @ Homers pay appropriate business rates on their property for the privilege!

Good idea

The best thing to do with those 21 gender flags which some NHS dickhead came up with is to combine them into a single Raving Bonkers Banner, according to a Daily Disaster reader. One with a lot of sense!

The Ice Axe Experience

One of my mates was going on about the Ice Axe Experience and had an interesting explanation when I asked for one. It seems some pundit said punishing the Tories by electing a Labour govenment to make its usual huge mess makes as much sense as bashing yourself on the head with a lump hammer.
    In response, another pundit said it was more like hitting yourself in the face with the spike on the back of an ice axe! My mate, going one better, decided it would be more like smearing yourself with honey and going and sitting on a next of fire-ants. Which sounds about right, given Labour’s history in office.

Worth a watch

The 2009 film Star Trek gets a bit silly in places but it’s very enjoyable and it’s been so long since I last saw it that I had no idea what would happen next. Which was good.

No flags waved

Is it mitigation that some sports have banned blokes claiming to be female from competing against real women at some levels? Only to an idiot. And someone needs to explain that to our prime minister.
    There’s probably no point in trying to do the same to old Starmer as lawyers know everything and if you don’t agree with them, you’re automatically wrong.

Just Stop

Someone needs to strap Mark Dolan of GB Views down and tell him that calling the Hamas cross-border atrocity the biggest attack on Jews since the Nazi Holocaust is just ludicrous.
    And saying it at every opportunity just makes him look like an idiot.

Time Wasters

Are we much better than the Yanks? Not with our MPs doing gesture politics like yelling for a ban on the sale of peat compost on spurious planet-saving grounds.
    Just ask the idiot for actual numbers on how much carbon dioxide is liberated by using peat and how much goes up the chimneys of the average Chinese power station and watch the idiot run away.

World War III?

Fireworks all round us last night. Some of them quite spectacular. Okay, it was St. George’s Day but how do you explain that to the Mansion cat?

So much for the American Dream

In the Wild West, cowboys used to get a fair trial and a fair hanging. In the New York of today, it’s the same. Without any pretence at fairness.
    Which gives aid and comfort to dictatorships everywhere and makes Bidenland a world leader in injustice!

Me, the hero!

Oh, dear! Caught slacking again. I’m not throwing out anywhere near 60 pieces of plastic packaging per week.
    Maybe I can claim a medal for not killing the planet.

Disharmony Rules

How strange that the Iranian-funded hate preachers in London aren’t leaping up and down and yelling about racial profiling if the police now assume that Moslems now think they have an automatic right to attack anyone who looks Jewish. Or maybe they are and we just haven’t been told yet.

Bad idea

I see the Poseur of Sussex, Mhegan the Merciless, is flogging her overpriced jam in hexagonal jars rather than round ones.
    If a product is any good, customers want it to be in a round jar, which makes it easier to spoon out the last of the contents. Hex jars are naff. So are frilly tops.

Gross abuse

How are so many migrants getting across the Channel? French naval vessels have been observed escorting migrant boats to the mid-point of the Channel where British Border Farce vessels take the customers aboard and ferry them to England.
    Bloody wonderful.

Pointless

Why would anyone need ‘confirmation’ from Israel that it launched an attack on Iran? Under a sky full of satellites looking down and seeing just about everything that goes on?

And another

Diversity has been exposed as just vexatious politics, not our greatest strength, by experts in social interactions.
    But the really amazing thing is that they’ve been allowed to reveal this conclusion and it hasn’t been grotted on by those making money out of the diversity industry.

A rare victory

Falls over in amazement time if the High Court has ruled that Islamists are not allowed to impose their prayer sessions on schools as a means of separating Moslem kids from the rest and of intimidating their opponents.

Soviet-style antisocialism in the UK

Volume 25 of the Reference Edition of Black Flag News makes dismal reading.
    It covers January to April of 2020 and it’s full of stories of fascist coppers objecting to kids playing in their own front garden during lock-in and councils chaining up the gates of cemeteries to prevent people from putting Easter Sunday flowers on graves.

 

Eyes over-pulled with wool?

There’s a lot of attention going on Iran’s factory for producing weapons-grade uranium, but is it just a big bluff?
    There were nukes for sale when the Soviet Union collapsed and they could still be on sale to the right customer now from the kleptocracy which is the Russian Federation. And stashed well away from the obvious target of the uranium works, ready to counter the threat from nuclear-armed Israel.

Stopwatch Ready!

When you have a pee, it should last for precisely 21 seconds. If not, you’re letting the side down.
    That’s what some wee-ologist reckons, anyway.
    I suppose it’s a living of sorts.

Eternal Problem

 Reform UK seems to be struggling to find candidates for all the seats it wants to sabotage to put the Tories out of government.
    Someone suggests old so-and-so as the best person for the job. Then the so-and-so puts something really offensive on some website when drunk and gets the bullet.
    The mange of the minor party!
    Mind you, some of Labour’s established political figures are not immune to the really stoooopid, even when sober. They know who they are.
    And then there’s “Don’t call me ‘Sir’ and posh” Starmer and his U-turns.

No substitute for justice

Putting a former Ofsted boss in charge of the investigation of a head teacher’s suicide due to Ofsted bungling is like making Count Dracula the boss of the blood transfusion service, a Daily Disaster reader declared.
    Yes, it's that obvious. But still it happens in the public sector and will keep on happening.

Enduring Mysteries

How does Michael Knight Rider get away with doing 300 mph in a country with a 55 mph speed limit? Too fast for the cops to catch him, I guess. And how can a grenade blow up under Kitt without shredding all four tyres?

What has Humbug done?

Is it a hate crime to laugh at a bloke who’s swanning around in a public place in a frock? Nope, it’s a basic human right to be amused by a pathetic attention-seeker, and violating that right is grounds for vigorous counter-measures.

Perversely Pointless

There was an article in the newspaper the other day about surviving a nuclear attack, which raises the obvious question of “Why?”
    To groove in the ashes for a while?
    Seems hardly worth it. Especially in a wrecked world with nothing on offer. And no internet!

Phone Guinness!

Could there possibly be anything dafter than a theatre issuing a trigger warning for people get upset when they hear the sound of food being consumed when there is an actor eats an orange on stage in a production?
    If this is the best the human race can do, hurry on evolution to something to replace it.

Yet more cash wasted

When did it become a human right to oblige your government to waste money on defending legal actions when you think it’s not doing enough cosmetic stuff that won’t affect the planet’s climate? If there are any spare nukes handy, dropping one on the European Circus of Hypobolic Ridicule would be doing the continent a great service.

More cash wasted

Why does what passes for the government let the idiots in charge of bits of the NHS waste our money on 21 different ‘gender flags’ instead of using it to treat people with an actual disease. That’s a condition other than a compulsion to waste other people’s money.

Worlds apart

Comparing what was in Saturday’s paper with what actually happened at the weekend was quite fun. We were told the Middle East was going up in flames when Iran did its drone attack and Israel would have to be entirely evacuated by sea.
    In the event, nothing much.
    Except lots more threats and counter-threats.
    It’s a real, old garbage merry-go-round when the speculators get into their stride.

Included out

“Liz Truss: the book everyone is talking about”, the headline claimed.
    Everyone except me and everyone I know, that is.

Great Idea

Was the prime minister ‘hit’ by a resignation of a minister no one’s heard of but who’s had enough of being messed about by the snivel service?
    Maybe a fixed penalty of £1,000 for deliberate hyperbole would fix the problem.
    This is definitely something that should land on the Liberal deputy leader after the clown complained of being deafened by the drum beat of Tory resignations.
    Wot A Clot.

Welcome to the Age of Enlightenment

The more I read about the people involved in promoting and making money out of transism, the more convinced I become that they’re as evil as far-Left politicians can get.

Rethink

It’s about time we had a replacement description for what is known now as ‘local government’. It’s perfectly obvious that governing is the last thing some councils are capable of.
    Like the one that introduced 5 days’ pay for 4 days’ work so the boss could write a PhD thesis about it. And the council in Norfolk that lets councillors claim they’re having a “psychological emergency” as an excuse for skiving out of a meeting.

Finally

The sun was out for the MotoGP race after the US anthem had been tortured with the usual twiddly bits. Bashing at turn 1 of lap 1/20. The resurgent Marc Marquez was getting a bashing. Lots of close racing at the front.
    Marquez went past Acosta for the lead on lap 11. Then he fell over. Pushing too hard.
    It was Viñales from Acosta as the race wound down. Martin lost 3rd place to Bastianini on lap 19.
    No change ahead, Viñales the winner.

No difference

The Aussie police are saying the bloke who went on a killing spree with a huge knife wasn’t a terrorist, he was just a drugged up nutter.
    But is that any consolation?

More Sedate

Still no blaze of sunshine in Austin for Moto2. Canet, on pole, blew the start and went down to 11th in lap 1/16. Jake Dixon fell off on lap 5, the 3rd casualty. Two team mates got racy to give the comms a thrill.
    Joe Roberts zoomed off the track with 3 laps to go and rejoined behind Garcia and Aldeguer. He zoomed up to 2nd on lap 15 but could he catch Garcia for an American win?
    Nope. First Moto2 win for Spaniard Garcia.

See where it goes?

The secretary of Dundee United is claiming that climate change in Scotland has made his team’s perpetually water-logged pitch unfit for purpose.
    Which is a black lie, according to the Rangers manager, if there’s a perfectly green and playable pitch nearby.
    Failure to install adequate drainage is the obvious problem.
    Thinking you can get away with blaming that on climate change is an even more serious problem.

Well Weird

There was a big pile-up at turn 1 of lap 1/14 of the Moto3 race of the Americas in Austin, Texas. Holgado was punted off the track but returned. Another silly crash, still on lap 1. And a solo ‘bucking bronco’ crash on lap 3.
    Alonso was way ahead. Another crash on lap 4. And another. Finish and you get points?
    Worth a replay – a crashed rider got on the wrong bike and was hauled off it by the other rider; he used to work for that type of bike last year. Both rejoined.
    Then it all calmed down. Until another crash from the chase group on lap 11.  Holgado was mugged for 2nd on the last lap but he passed Piqueras at the line to regain the position. Phew!

No wonder nothing works

That’s if the discarded Foreign Office bloke Mark Sed(ill)will is typical of the waxworks at the top of the civil service. The waxworks are obviously too busy whining about Britain’s past; instead of celebrating our civilizing of the rest of the world; to do anything useful.
    And this attitude has clearly filtered down to the minion level.

Piling it on

No doubt Mark Dolan of GB Views thought it was cute to keep showing pictures of nothing happening somewhere in Israel last night as he upped the number of approaching drones relentlessly.
    Fifty, a hundred, how far would he get? The Magic Million? Didn’t stay up to find out.

Do Something!

Any danger of the government slapping a 30% import surcharge on selected goods from China until the damage caused here by all the counterfeit stamps sold to mugs @ 4p a go is repaired?
    Any danger of a government ever doing anything useful?

Making noises, but so what?

Beer Starmer saying the UK’s nuclear deterrent is safe in his hands means what? We know he can’t say it’s unsafe in his hands, which renders the statement meaningless.
    Something he felt obliged to say even it could well be a black lie from an anti-British Labourite.

Both feet

It’s all very well for Ms Reeves to tell the tax mob to stop shirking at home now, but when their union starts making noises about not hurling cash into the coffers of Labour in office, what then?
    Yeah, abject surrender, like always.

Feet full of bullets

How much confidence can we have in the judgement of Rachel Reeves, the Labour candidate for Chancellor of the Exchequer, if she claims she has full faith and trust in Two Homes Rayner?
    Clear evidence that she will do what her party tells her and to hell with her responsibilities to the job.

Some context

There are lots of complaints about the large salaries paid to local council minions but it’s not a new problem. The roots go very deep.
    A correspondent who used to work with a bloke who was a borough councillor in Cheshire in the 1990s and 2000s told me the councillor was in a constant battle with others, including fellow Tories, who thought that the more their Town Clerk (or whatever the currently fashionable title was) got paid, the more prestige the councillors had.
    That’s a “our town clerk gets twice what you pay yours, and that makes us twice as good as you” attitude.
    Paid with other people’s money, of course. And to the neglect of filling potholes and other essentials.

New barrel, please

Is this the worst political alibi of all time? An apologist claiming the Labour party has no policies to offer at the next general election because the Tories keep stealing them!
    That definitely scrapes the bottom out of the barrel.

Well kept secret

Police Scotland will demand to know if someone who reports a hate crime is Jewish, a homosexual, a red-head, a killer or whatever. And if they’re not directly involved, the police will take no notice.

Crossword Clue

Clue: Expired campanologists (4,7)
Answer: Dead Ringers
(cute)

Quite wrong? No, totally

Note for Patricks Chrispys of GB Views: the NHS has not been underfunded for decades. 37% of the cash that goes to it is wasted on non-jobs, rank bad management, an endemic refusal to negotiate decent deals for essential stuff that the NHS needs to buy, etc., etc.

Not a problem

“How can Thames Water be so bad?” yelled the headline.
    Thirty-odd years of practice is the obvious answer.

Too much info

|Is there a Creepiest Person in the World Award available to the oldest person who claims they sleep naked? There seems to be some sort of competition going on in the letter column of the Daily Disaster.

Works for me!

The suggestion that the Royal Mail got the barcode scanners that declare genuine stamps to be counterfeit from Fujitsu!

Back in the limelight

I see the big, strong bloke; Peter Lupus; is now getting proper recognition at the start of the Mission Impossible episodes. Ones which can accomplish in 40 minutes or so what the series of films needs several hours to do.

Also Well Off

The Monday evening weather map offered for Tuesday morning was awash with blue rain predictions with a big belt of yellow storm warnings on the left-hand side.
    Imagine the surprise of Mansion residents who found their Tuesday had a sunny start. And some drizzle rain didn’t arrive until well after anyone who had to do some shopping had been and done it.
    Weather Control gets 10/10, the Met Office gets 0/10.

Well off target

Is ‘brave’ the right adjective to apply to a female celeb-ish, who gets herself photographed in unflattering underwear?
    Nope, ‘attention-seeking’ works much better.

Cute #3

In the good old days of communist oppression, the people of Romania had a Humbug-style government checking on every word they uttered and stomping on everyone who deviated from the party line.
    Until Nicolae Ceausescu got a firing squad for Xmas.
    So think on, Humbug Useless!

Useless Speculation

The next election ‘could’ be held in January, the pundits dug out of a remark by the Tory deputy PM. It ‘could’ be held a  month from now. So much for the uselessness of the ‘c’ word.

Also Cute

As the SNP was founded on hatred of the English for having more money and expertise, its leaders have to be heading for gaol courtesy of the Humbug Useless Hate law.
    Petard & Hoist.
    Gets them every time.

Too late!

‘Rayner is making a fool of you’, the Tory party chairman told Beer Starmer about his policy of ignoring the Two Homes hypocrisy vs a (worthless) pledge to uphold standards in public life.
    But is the fool bit possible? That ‘making’ ignores the fact that Starmer made a fool of himself by telling us Oh, Jeremy Corbyn is the bee’s knees and he’s continued to shovel on the foolishness ever since, especially via all the shameless boozing at Labour dos that he was allowed to get away with when the rest of us were locked in.

Cute!

A definition for inflation: Going from Two Jags to Two Houses!

Unwelcome trend

Home insurance premiums are soaring and part of the excuse is the cost of repairs is being inflated by severe weather due to climate change.
    Which is a black lie.
    The cost of repairs is being inflated because the cost of living has been inflated; excessively by grabbing trade unions for the most part; and the climate has nothing to do with it.
    Maybe we need to introduce a Truth Tax on the directors of companies which come up with this garbage. Say, 100% of any undeserved bonuses and 75% of excess salary.

No Mystery

What if attack-dog A. Rayner had fallen for some Wragg-phishing? an apologist for the far-Left asked in an attempt to move a GB Viuews conversation into the realm of the irrelevant.
    It’s obvious.
    Beer Starmer would have declared her totally innocent of everything with insincerity gushing from every pore.
    No question.

Should happen!

One of my correspondents was wondering how we can possibly have a mental health crisis when the term contains the banned word ‘men’.
    Persontal health doesn’t quite trip off the tongue, but that’s not something that’s likely to bother the fanatics.
    The context for this was the reported attempt by Lloyds Bank to cancel the word ‘widow’ from the name of the insurance company Scottish Widows, which it owns, because widowhood is all about death.
    Daft? Well, yes. But so are a great many other things these woke days.

Could happen

Given Labour’s obsession with all things European, are we now destined to follow in Germany’s footsteps and end up with cannabis legalized?
    And made compulsory as a next step, the cynics are saying. It would certainly distract the nation from Beer Starmer’s lack of ideas for doing anything useful.

Wrecked by a fad

Those who venture into a café operated at a National Trust site are complaining that taking the butter out of their scones to make them vegan has left them as appetising as rock cakes made from real rock.
    One step forward into fashion, two steps back for the customers.

A waste of space

  
If the government is aware that two British citizens have joined Putin’s army and have joined in the assault on Ukraine, why haven’t the useless pillocks in the Home Office been ordered to cancelled their citizenship and their passports?
    Probably because politicians of all colours are as useless as the aptly named snivel service.

Who’s got a time machine?

Where they went wrong with the water industry was failing to franchise it, like the railways, so that if the operator screw up big time; like Thames Water, United Utilities, etc.; it’s gone when the franchise runs out and any massive debts are nowt to do with the taxpayer.

Six of one . . .

Two Jags and now Two Houses, wrote a Daily Disaster reader. How about one with 2 brain cells?
    Not if we’re talking about Labourities. Mind you, the Tories aren’t much better, as Mr. Wragg and his homosex scandal have demonstrated. Who’s getting the blame for that? The Russians or the Chinese?

Telling Stat

Someone has calculated that in every 6-day period, Israel kills as many Palestinians as the number of Israelis wiped out by Hamas last year.

Wrote too soon!

There I was, thinking things were going okay, then I got this message from Blogger:
    “Something went wrong when loading your data.”
Groan!

Just to confuse us?

Today, the internet’s Gonzalez is set to ‘Speedy’.
    Are the owners of Virgin Media doing it deliberately to annoy the customers?
    Whatever, I’m left me wondering if I’m supposed to keep track of all the messing about so that I can avoid the ‘No or Slow’ days and stop being a nuisance by complaining about a ‘service’ which ain’t one.

Good Point

Why aren’t the people who obsess about historic slavery yelling about public executions being restarted in Afghanistan? Scared of being killed by Talibandits?

Nailed it!

Okay, a big cheer for broadcaster Jenni Murray, who pointed out that a vegan scone made without butter is a rock cake, and it tastes like a lump of rock!
p.s. If she wants to avoid being arrested as a hate criminal, all she has to do is call to people who’ve had themselves mucked about with an XX or XY transpicater, as appropriate.
    This simple description devised by the perpetrators of Black Flag News is accurate and leaves nothing to complain about.

The politics of economic suicide

If the Labour party is planning to leave employers with no rights, the only ones left will be those subsidised by the taxpayer to disguise the enormous increase in the welfare budget when businesses get out of it.

Lost cause

Is it possible to get worked up about Prince Andrew’s ‘car crash’ TV interview?
    Not if you haven’t watched it and you are not planning to watch any of the stuff about it.

Not again

It’s Saturday so the internet connection is no-go or dead slow.
    Again.
    No bloody joke, is it?
    Not after a price hike of 9%. More for less.

Not much help

A Liberal party mouthpiece wails that older people are being clobbered with unfair tax hikes.
    To which the obvious response is: “We know, So what are you going to do about it?”
    To which the inevitable response is either a blank silence or more of the bleedin’ obvious.
    And we’re paying people to do these non-jobs?

Grab the grabbers

If train drivers are on £100K, there’s a definite case for a tax dedicated to them. Say, 75%.

Familiar ground

Series 2 is the Mission Impossible I know with Mr. Phelps in charge of picking the team and all the manoeuvring instead of the original bloke. No big, strong bloke either?

Don’t believe the numbers

The TV lady whose husband died of long covid thinks she’s £800,000 in debt. So why were the front pages of newspapers adorned with £1.5 million?
    Lie your head off, lose all trust, is something journalists never seem to learn.

Wot will it be like under Labour?

Exposed on GB Views last night – the Home Office is full of woke snowflakes and the Tories are letting them waste millions of pounds of our money on all sorts of stoopid courses and trigger helplines.
    Things can only get worser if Smarmer & Co. take over, to recycle the New Labour strap-line.

It’s what they do

It’s not really a surprise to learn that the Daily Disaster’s Mind Doctor thinks the mental elf fad has gone too far.
    Once you make something like that fashionable, every skiver in the universe piles aboard the bandwagon, looking for an alibi.
    And there will always be the exploiters encouraging them in order to make a dishonest bob.

Who?

How much incentive is there to watch a newspaper’s podcast series if I haven’t heard of two-thirds of the people offered in the advert?
    And I’m not so short of things to do that I’m likely to need to view podcasts to fill up my day.
    Pass.

Who else?

People don’t trust the Tories with the defence of the country, according to polls. And they don’t trust Labour either. Which leaves what as the alternative?
    What we need is a government which will take spending departments like the MoD and the NHS by the scruff of the neck and shake out all the saboteurs and idiots.
    Shame we’re in no danger of getting one like that.

Another flop

Our friend Mr. Useless, the SNP leader, hasn’t exactly shone during his first year in the job. Probably because he’s too fixated on what’s going on in Gaza instead of Scotland, and that’s why he’s prepared to let any law come in to force, even if it’s as duff as his hate crime nonsense, to create an appearance of doing something.

Worst of all worlds

Anyone surprised that the bogus asylum seeker who was chucking corrosive chemicals around had a Moslem funeral instead of a Christian burial?
    It’s a job to decide which is worse, the religious institutions or the idiots running the asylum system.

Far-Left 101

We had a fine example of how the far-Left operates on GB Views last night. When they’re under fire, they pick a sound apple out of a barrel of mainly rotten ones and claim it's representative of the whole barrel.
    Cute, or what!

Nice people

If it moves, zap it. That seems to be how the Israelis are operating in Gaza. And if a few foreign aid workers get zapped, what the hell? Plenty more where they came from.
    Who needs enemies if you can be your own worst enemy so effortlessly?

Anything goes

Is it troubling that mugs are being swindled by bog-roll manufacturers, who charge a premium for products that save the planet? Even if they contain just a small amount of bamboo and are not that much different from proper toilet rolls?
    I suppose we can just be grateful for the mugs and hope they hoover up all the swindles and save the rest of us from having to fall for them.

The worst of the worst

Beer Starmer’s off-the-cuff support for the appalling Reyner woman tells you everything you need to know about politicians. They’ll tell you anything. And then they’ll tell you something different if no one swallows it.
    Truth ain’t an absolute and facts don’t need to be checked. It’s what shoves cash into their pockets that counts.

Expected Omission

Nothing on the BBC lunchtime TV news yesterday about all the protests in Scotland about the Humbug Useless confected hate crime law.
    But that’s the Beeb for you. The ludicrous left can get away with anything.

More shrinkflation

Washing up liquid is in the same size squeezy bottle but it’s noticeably paler and it’s definitely noticeably less viscous when squirted.
    More water and less of the active ingredients for more money. Wonderful.

One back at them

Clue: artesian mollusc (9,8)
Answer: crossword compiler

Persistence!

The newsreader John Suchet, I read, has written 7 biographies of the composer Ludwig van Beethoven.
    Was that a severe case of if at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again?

Crossword Clue

Clue: works intermittently unpredictably (2, 8, 10)
Answer: my internet connection

Not doing the job

It was there on GB Views. Officers of the Metropolitan Police will ignore swastika flags displayed by pro-Palestinian street-hogs as they are okay in the context of an anti-Jewish protest march.
    The cosmetic London mayor is as useless as Scotland’s SNP First Minister, the aptly named Mr. Useless.

Crossword Crazy

A ballot box is an urn? What’s that twit been smoking? An urn is wot you get tea out of. Any fule kno that.

Just do it

If 9% of the criminal ‘community’ is responsible for 45% of all crime, then the government should be evicting TV licence fee non-payers from gaols to make room for the real criminals.
    But sadly, this is too much joined-up thinking for mere politicians to handle.

No Case

It has been made clear that the WASPI graspers were told about the change in the female qualification age for the state pension in the 1990s.
    Which means that if they failed to do anything about it, that’s their negligence.
    And definitely something the taxpayer shouldn’t be paying compensation for until the men who had to retire at 65 when women were skiving off at 60 have had theirs.
    But a fair deal for blokes is something that’s never going to happen.

Mixed blessings

The internet connection is still zippy today, which is good. The same can’t be said for the weather, though. Grim and grey, although it tries to brighten up a bit occasionally.
    Still, outdoors is not the storm-lashed wasteland, which the pessimists were telling us ‘could’ happen at Easter.
    Not that I’m missing their storm that never happened, of course.

Another pointless gesture

Should High Court judges be more diverse? The people (mugs?) paying their wages would settle for more competent and more inclined to apply the law as determined by Parliament instead of inventing their own perversions of it.

Surplus Steam

How strange. Wimmin who were invited to the male-only Garrick Club in London as a guest are telling us it’s a dreadfully boring place and they’d never want to be a member. So why all the fuss about men-only membership? Apart from the ludicrous left being terminally stoopid, like they do.

Reckless, or what!

I saved a recording of the Monty Python film The Meaning of Life for Easter Sunday. Which is probably grounds for being burnt at the stake if the religious fanatics ever get to be in charge. Still, at least it wasn’t The Life of Brian.
    Not that this would be a problem now. Neither script would have survived the Pissant Hand of Woke if someone had come up with them in the oppressive present climate.

Too much pub time?

The Labour party has had 14 years to come up with solutions to all the nation’s problems but to say there’s fucq all on offer from Smarmer & Co. would be a gross exaggeration.
    Probably because Labour has always been the party of entitlement, not achievement. Not to mention hypocrisy and gaming the system; both standard operating procedure for the current leadership.