What’s the agenda?

How very curious that the BBC lunchtime news is ignoring all the farmers who are laying siege to major cities in France and elsewhere in Europe over the rotten deal they reckon they’re getting.
    What are people expected to eat if all the farmers go out of business? One another?
    I suppose it’s a cure of sorts for over-population and a way of dealing with uninvited migrants. Tough on vegans, though!

Logical consequence

Are visitors to London more inclined to use a taxi than a bus with the electric ones going up in flames regularly?
    I suppose it all depends whether the taxi is electric, too.

Secret revealed

How do local & district councils manage to keep going if they let their staff do 4 days’ work for 5 days’ pay?
    They blow a fortune on agency staff to do the work their staff aren’t doing, then yell ‘POVERTY’ at the government.

Net Zero credibility

One minute, the Met Office is showing Scotland drowned in rain and snow and ice and blue from coast to coast.
    The next, we’re being invited to believe that they managed to record a record January temperature of 19.9 deg.C.
    All party of the global warming scam, of course.

More cash down the drain

That fantasist Starmer is claiming that if he shakes £100 million off the nation’s Magic Money Tree, he can put an end to knife crime.
    Like that’s going to happen under a Labour government.

The lesson of the past

Will it serve any useful purpose to have a ‘probe’ into the many crimes of the insane killer Valdo Carlocane? It would just stick more taxpayers’ cash into the pockets of lawyers and no one who screwed up would get the sack and some gaol time to encourage others to do a proper job.
    Same with the Chinese plague circus and the Post Office Horizon crimes.

Not wanted on voyage

Why would anyone think that Paul Burrell’s opinion would matter a scrap to Prince Hairy? One poseur pontificating about another. Shame on Patrick Chrispy of GB Views for persistently indulging Burrell.

Lesser option

Watching a military-based epic on TV, we noticed that the officer in charge of a group of soldiers reported them to a senior officer as present and accounted for, which is defective.
    The members of his gang were either present or (absent but) accounted for. We viewers awarded ourselves the Grand Order of the Nit-Picker for this observation.

Crumbs!

I read in the Sunday Post, Scotland’s favourite newspaper, that King Charles was engaged 516 times in 2023.
    That’s rather excessive for a married man, don’t you think?

Another curious obsession

It’s fashionable for people in areas which get snow to make iced coffee using freshly fallen snow. It’s also fashionable for wonks to go on about yellow snow.
    Are we really supposed to believe that there are vast gangs of animals running around in gardens everywhere, pouring out vast quantities of wee to turn every area of fresh snow into a yellow health hazard instantly?
    Maybe the wonks should get a life.

Is it worth it?

The main problem with a currently fashionable vegan diet is that you have to spend hours and hours scoffing vast platefuls of 99 varieties of fruit & veg & seeds instead of getting on with your life.
    And you still have to top up with vitamin supplements after all that. Okay, so you end up with really powerful jaw muscles but there’s a lot more to life than that.

Now we know some of it

Unlike the decade-long lawyer feeding trough of a Chinese plague circus in England, the one in Scotland had actually produced a result. The reasons why Scots were locked in so much more fiercely than customers south of the border started with bad science.
    The SNP’s health minister had completely wrong data about the state of the nation’s health and the population’s age distribution compared to England & Wales.
    Then there was Sturgeon’s obsession with independence and her desire to be seen to be doing something different from what Boris was doing as an attention-getter.
    Trailing way at the bottom of the list was the welfare of the Scottish people.

Totally out of touch

Only a political editor, who’s making money out of it, would describe the MP Simon Clarke’s attention-seeking attack on the prime minister as causing ‘another wearying day of Tory infighting’.
    Most people don’t give the proverbial rat’s arse about the opinion of some Tory nobody. No wonder he’s a ex-minister.

Learning the lessons of the past?

The Nazis described part of their population as ‘only Jews’, packed them into trains and sent them off to extermination camps.
    The Israelis describe part of their population as ‘only Palestinians’ and bomb them to bitz in their homes, sparing them the ordeal of the train journey.
    Is this more humane?

Grrrr!

Another DD reader accused men of going to bed in smelly underpants. Which put me in mind of the weirdly made-up Aussie lady assistant on a big store’s perfume counter in The Fast Show.
    She’d have put the complainer in her place by assuming she’s is either divorced or a lesbian.
    It’s rather good having an an archive of Fast Show episodes, which makes such connections possible.

An excuse for everything

A Daily Disaster correspondent complained about the railway jargon ‘station stop’. Another reader, I was amused to note, offered the information that ‘station stop’ is a distinction from the gratuitious stops that trains do between stations for no apparent reason.

Busted Expectations

I’m really missing not having another of the Met Office’s storms to worry about today. Are they on holiday?

Yes, the looneys really are in charge

What sort of weirdo thinks it’s a good idea to convince a 4-year-old boy that he’s a girl? And what persuaded the weirdos of a Church of England school to go along with it and dump him in a class of girls? We should be told. Sounds like clear evidence that the CoE is unfit to run schools.

Are they serious?

Just what has happened to the Democratic party in the States? Are they seriously offering a doddering old idiot like Joe Biden as their candidate for the next four years as the president?
    Having him as their figurehead makes as little sense as making Beer Smarmer ours. Still, if we laugh at the Yanks over their choice of a leader, they’ll be able to laugh right back at us over ours. Which makes everything even-steven.

Fair question

Is there a single public-funded outfit or quango which is on the side of Britain nowadays? The Lifeboat charity, the BBC online, the National Trust, every museum going. They’re all stuck in the far-Left rut and taking great delight in trashing their nation’s reputation.
    Time for a funding revolution based on patriotism.

Time for a divorce

It is time to separate the word ‘eminent’ from the word ‘judge’  until they start following what the law actually says instead of abusing it by making up their own version; one not endorsed by Parliament, of course; to follow some far-Left agenda; which is usually also anti-British.

Don’t get too smug, mate

“This is Patrick Chrispy Tonite, only on GB Views” delivered before one of the evening show’s sets of adverts can be interpreted as: “No one else will have him!”
    But his guests are probably too polite to point that out.

Credibiity gap

Some wiseguy was asking why isn’t the government going after people-smuggling gangs because if Beer Smarmer reckons he could do it, it can’t be all that difficult.
    Maybe someone needs to remind the wiseguy that Smarmer is good at shooting his mouth off but totally rubbish when it comes to delivering.

Cancel his K

Something else from the same agenda: whatever happened to the Ed-Mania Eruption propaganda campaign to get the whole nation celebrating Liberal leader Ed Davey?
    How embarrassing that he turned out to be one of the Post Office scam ‘heroes’, who have an alibi for not noticing anything had gone badly wrong.

Even More Posturing

Why was the House of Commons doing Genocide Day about events that took place abroad, and in which we were not involved? And what was all the business about ‘learning the lessons of the past’? How to do genocide properly if we ever decide to try it out?
    Just another part of the far-Left ‘pretend the British are rotters’ agenda.

Lying with a straight face was out

Labour is the patriotic party, the token looney lefty told us on GB Views last night. But Matthew Laza was grinning his head off when he said it because he knew, like everyone else, that it’s total tripe.
    Labour hates everything British, or pretends to, to hoover up the votes of immigrant stock who don’t share our values. End of.

How to be unfortunate with initials

An old newspaper going into the recycle bin offered a glimpse of a headline about a problem with BNPL.
    All that came to mind was British National Party Lite, which sounds like an attempt to make some of it look more moderate and electable!
    Note: My word processor’s spell-checker suggested an alternative for ‘electable’. It was ‘execrable’! Which works very well in the context of politics.

Not that convincing

There’s a bloke in a speedboat being chased by an amphibious brand of T-Rex and he’s blasting millions of rounds out of an assault rifle.
    But he’s shown with the rifle tilted up at about 30 degrees when the creature was right down at sea level. No wonder the idiot didn’t do the monster any damage
    Obviously an el cheapo film with no brains switched on.

Get going NOW

Something else we need to be doing is getting started on building a gaol for all all the criminals in the Post Office organization who lied in court to put hundreds of innocent sub-postmasters in gaol and ruin hundreds of lives.
    If the governments gets things moving this year, the place should be finished by the end of the decade, which is how long the bloody lawyers are going to keep their beaks shoved in the trough and the convictions become effective.

Big beer to small beer

One minute, the Deep Space Niners were getting their arses shot off by the Dominion. The next, they were humiliating Vulcans at baseball.
    Life for members of Star Fleet is certainly exceptionally varied. And the old TV shows have a lot more to offer than the stuff on offer as new.

Where do they get them?

Our Energy Secretary is planning to blow £1,700,000,000 of our money on removing 0.00024% of the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere per year as part of a lunatic Green scam, which won’t make any sort of dent in China’s emissions.
    Even worse, the scam to hide carbon dioxide in the big holes left under the North Sea by oil extraction is still only at the pie in the sky stage.
    Which means that a working scam will cost at least four times the budget, if the H2S scam is anything to go by.

Germ warfare?

You do get a feeling that something sinister is going on if, in additional to the usual new strain of flu every year, we’ve had that plague from China and now an epidemic of measles.
    Maybe we need to start booting a few backsides in the Intelligence Community for hints as to where to stage a few nuclear ‘accidents’ as a warning to the bad guys.

Sound only fury

Last night’s storm was aptly called Jostling. It was a real noisy bugger. But it doesn’t seem to have done any damage locally. No flattened fences or collapsed chimneys in sight. Not that this is any sort of complaint, of course!

Wot’s going on?

The Yanks can’t be serious about running Biden against Trump again. Unless they’re hoping that he becomes too obviously senile to continue shortly after a win, and he has to be replaced by something solidly of the Establishment.

Indirectly but there eventually

It was only by reading the Little John page in the Daily Disaster that I learnt that the British Red Cross has advised people not to walk or swim in flood water.
    As ever, the wise one put his finger on what has gone wrong everywhere in the public & quasiquango sectors. Too many idiots with nothing to do but rehash the bleedin’ obvious on the payroll.

Fluke?

Today’s storm is called Jocelyn. The only thing to recommend it is that it has been given a proper name. Unlike the garbage tacked on to previous bits of bad winter weather.

Your word and I’ll raise the pot

A learned scribe in the Daily Disaster came up with the word dikigorocracy for rule by lawyers. Something I confirmed via a trip to my Greek dictionary, which assured me that dikigoros really is their word for a lawyer.
    Which offers the more precise ‘dickheadigorocracy’ for rule by lawyers of the calibre and twist & turningness of our friend Mr. Smarmer.

Dubious message

Chancellor’s big hint of personal tax cuts in Budget
    This means what?
A tax cut for him personally and nothing for anyone else?
    We should be told.

No more like it

I’m following the first series of The Avengers and the antics of Steed and Mrs. Peel. The scriptwriters certainly came up with some really weird plots.
    Shame the current wonky wokes don’t allow anything like that to be made today.

My kind of day

Isn’t it lovely and warm today? And there’s no sign of any of the tornadoes we were threatened with. One of my neighbours took a trip to the local Aldi when the sun was shining.
    It started to rain when he was nearly there, but the sun was shining again by the time he’d done his shopping.
    If this is the sort of routine January day global warming gives us, I’m all for it!

If only

What we need is a British government with the guts to stand up and say, “We will do Net Zero after China and India have got there. We will not steal their glory.”

No one’s listening

Despite all the marching and traffic disruption here, Israel’s attack on Gaza continues and the massacre of the innocents along with bad guys continues.
    Clearly, the time has come for the marchers to be obliged to pay for their pastime up front and in cash to spare the rest of us the expense of their pointless indulgences.

Not much of a surprise

Some publisher, I read, paid the leader of His Majesty’s Opposition the best part of twenty grand as an advance on a bit of autobiography. And got the money back.
    Cue a book by someone else about what Starmer was trying to hide by not encouraging scrutiny of his past?

Really?

Do we actually need to be told by some ‘expert’ that poor people are not buying overpriced low-alcohol drinks to go in for the January fad because they can’t afford them?
    Or have we reached the stage where we aren’t allowed to think for ourselves and only stuff from ‘experts’ counts?

Ongoing distortion situation

Phobia is a rubbish label when it’s applied as a term of abuse to decent people. The opposite, philia, is getting similar treatment. Only in the reverse direction.
    It’s being applied to people in authority who cut endless amounts of slack to abusers of one sort or another who belong to an ethnic minority and, therefore, have ten times more human rights than the native population.

All change

Stick the cold weather fur coats back on their hangers, out with the rainwear. You can’t say the British climate doesn’t give you plenty of exercise!

Inventive, if nothing else

What do you call a door panel falling off a plane when it’s at 16,000 feet and above the 10,000 feet ceiling where there’s enough air to keep humans going?
    A ‘quality escape’.
    Which makes it sound really quite harmless. Which is the PR aim, of course.

Must do better

I haven’t seen any of the shows that took this year’s Emmy awards but I was aghast to see an actor’s name that I know.

What are they doing?

The mob which wants us back in face masks has gone suspicously quiet. Are they busy buying up shares in PPE manufacturers before launching a major offensive?
    That’s an offensive against the nation’s wallets as face masks have been shown to have little effect on containing the spread of viral plagues.

A matter of when?

gary lineker seems to be going further and further out on his limb of being offensive to attract attention to himself.
    Are we going to reach the day when he has to kill someone to get the attention he craves?
    And will the BBC decide not to sack him because it’s just gary being gary?

No need to be there

The thing about the news is that it never goes away. When the news channels are wittering on about a vote in Parliament which means nothing to you as you have no say in the issue, you can watch a recorded film and find out what happened when the film and the crisis are all over.

Do they have the guts?

If the climate clown Chris Skidmore has forced a by-election in a seat that won’t exist at the next general election, the sensible thing for the Tories to do would be to stay on the moral high ground.
    Just don’t get involved in this waste of taxpayers’ money. Don’t field a candidate, don’t do any campaigning and just ignore the silly sideshow completely.

Triviality

Is there anything wrong with flying in a private jet? Its carbon footprint is meaningless compared to the coal-fired power stations used by the usual suspects; China, India, etc. The convenience element is enormous, however.
    And they also provide scope for politicians to use them and then whinge about others doing the same. Yes, Starmer, you.

Idea Exchange!

French farmers are the stroppiest and most over-subsidized on the planet. But the Germans have started to give them some competition, I read.
    Their fearless leader wants to cut fuel subsidies and the farmers have decided to start blocking roads to get noticed.
    Certainly worked for the French.

Why not?

Could we sent gary lineker to Iceland and #accidentally# nudge him into the volcano?
    He’s getting really, really desperate to be noticed if he’s reduced to trying to get Israel booted out of international football for killing tens of thousands of Gazans.
    Why not Russia first for all the Ukrainians Putin has done in? Or does he expect to make more out of letting the Russians be in internationals than the Israelis?

Something else you can’t do

That’s go to South Korea to enjoy a meal of dog and chips in one of the restaurants. The current president is a dog-lover and he’s decided they are not to be consumed any more.

Hostility to the max

It’s freezing bloody cold. All the wheely bins are frozen shut. The external cat water dish was not only frozen, the dish itself was frozen to the paving slab it stands on.
    And the global warming swindler advert on the TV is telling us to turn the thermostat down. No bloody way!
    Sod off and die, you bastards. Preferably in the next ten minutes.

Whose side are they on?

The mob in the public sector who want to fill the country up with economic migrants are trying to get a ban on using any medical scans to spot bogus asylum seekers who are pretending to be kids.
    No doubt they have the full backing of Beer Starmer. Until he does one of his famous U-turns, of course.

One for the money . . .

I get the distinct impression that the current volcano in Iceland is getting paid by the hour. It certainly seems to be spinning things out endlessly.
    Still, let us hope the inhabitants of the fishing village it eventually ate managed to get their stuff out of their doomed homes. That’s the ones that hadn’t been flattened by all the earthquakes!

More Ass-Making

Hapless Prince Hairy was a gunner in an Army helicopter, not a pilot, Which makes some idiot college in the US calling him an aviation legend even more of a sick joke.

Things you learn from newspapers

Balderdash used to mean adulterated wine at the dawn of the 17th century. The word was clearly deemed worthy of promotion to include all sorts of garbage at a later state in its career.

Making the Law an ass

Are we supposed to think that AIs are calculating precise gaol sentences based on some arcane formula?
    A woman who got two people killed by her dangerous driving was sent down for 28 months. Why not a sentence of two years? Or three years? Or more?
    Next thing you know, they’ll be strapping on a spurious decimal point to the number of months to boost the impression of bogus precision.

Know Nothing Nit

According to Kier Starmer, someone born in Southampton, like the prime minister, isn’t British and doesn’t get what it is to be British.
    Did Sir Beer spend all the time he was supposed to be at school bunking off? Or did he study political stupidity as an optional extra when he was doing law?

Colour abuse

The miserable sods who come up with terms like Blue Monday for harmless days of the week, like yesterday, should be dumped into the stocks for a month and left to fester.

Can and does happen

“God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap” is being deployed in the context of the Post Office and Fujitsu Horizon criminals.
    Just two words in response: Jimmy Savile.
    How much reaping did he do?

They’re not all bad!

I see the word ‘oralism’ and immediately assume it’s a whinge about people talking instead of using text messages. Something as heinous as sexism and all the other isms.
    What a pleasant surprise to find that it’s the name for the system used by Scotrtish telephone pioneer Alexander Bell to teach deaf kids to speak as an alternative to using signs.

Over-egged

Despite all the doom and gloom from the weather lady on the BBC news channel, it wasn’t that cold when I ventured out yesterday morning.
    Maybe we were warmed up by that volcano in Iceland getting frisky again!
    Things got very grey and gloomy in the afternoon, but a good bit of cloud cover does keep the heat in when night falls.

Busy, Busy

The Avengers – Steed & Mrs. Peel – can leave Jessica Fletcher standing. Her ration is one or maybe two corpses per episode. The Avengers are tripping over bodies all through theirs!

Just Non-Sense

Israel being accused in The Hague of committing genocide in Gaza whilst it claims it’s fighting genocide is absurd in both directions.
    The Hamas crew in Gaza have no chance of wiping out all the Jews in Palestine unless their mates give them nuclear weapons, which ain’t gonna happen.
    Despite killing tens of thousands of collateral Gazan men, women and children, Israel isn’t going to be able to wipe out all the Hamas crew as they can escape quite easily.
    And anyone at the International Court of Justice taking Jeremy Corbyn seriously is an idiot.

Boo bloody hoo

You really have to be concerned about some of the people who claim they’re fit to run the country. Like the woman in  Starmer’s shadow cabinet, who’s pleading poverty.
    Ms Reeves gets an MP’s salary plus all those expenses, and probably something extra for being a shadow. And her husband is on twice her salary.
    That’s a gross annual family income of at least a quarter of a million quid! And she can’t live on that? Totally bloody useless doesn’t even get close.

Logical Impossibility

If you fast, you don’t have anything to eat. So how can fast food exist?

Definitely not him

A period of quietly boring competence and integrity would be a relief, a Daily Disaster correspondent says about Starmer.
    Boring? Oh, yes. Competent? Mr. U-turn? I think not.
    And as for integrity; he’s the DPP who did nothing about the Horizon persecutions and the man who put his creature Tom Watson, the child murder fantasist, into the House of Lords.
    Integrity? Not a scrap of it.

Bin the bean-counters

A woman and her boyfriend get 19 and 23 years in gaol for the brutal murder of their 18-month-old son. Why the bean-counting? Child murder should have an automatic 30-year minimum with extra added on for brutality.

Telling point

Employees working directly for the Post Office at Crown Post Officers were not affected by Horizon losses.
    Only people running a sub-post office as a private business were done over.
    This has to be a result of Mafia gang bosses looking after their own people and clear evidence they knew something had gone badly wrong.

Burglar courtesy call?

I had a phone call from 01902 943 811 yesterday. When I gave my number, all I got was a female voice saying “Goodbye.”
    Some burglar or an employee ringing round, looking for addresses where people are out?
    Another call from the burglar this morning. This time, from 01902 943 972.

Pointless repetition

Whilst watching the news on GB Views, seeing the same four or five £2.5 million missiles being fired from a ship over and over again doesn’t really add anything to reports of the Red Sea situation.
    All it does is remind that viewer that he/she is paying for those missles to be used to knock down drones which cost the Iranians just £2,000 to build.
    I wonder how much it cost to zap the bad guys in Yemen? Still, cash well spent for once.

At it again

There’s a Mars monster, which has gobbled up 50% of Earth’s attempts to deposit landers on the Red Planet.
    Looks like there’s one for the Moon if the current NASA mission to land a probe there is having trouble with fuel leaks and solar panels which won’t turn to face the Sun.
    A lot of people believe The Universe hates us. Looks like it has it in for NASA in particular.

Top dog

Who are the least deserving Nobel Prize winners? a correspondent to the Daily Disaster asked. Ex-president O’Bummer has to be right up there at the top of the list.

Multi-talented?

James Callaghan? What was our sometime prime minister doing in the 4th episode of Night Rider, making a spot of dosh on the side?

Only for masochists

On a cold morning with early brief looks at the Sun, I was reminded that a newspaper doctor recommended turning the central heating down to 15 degrees so you live longer.
    Another of life’s many choices.
    A short life that’s warm and happy or a long one that’s cold and miserable.
    I know which I’d put my money on.

Too much of a good thing

Having a fistful of remotes is definitely no joke. You start to get frustrated when pressing buttons doesn’t work. Then you realized that what you need isn’t the remote control for the TV, it’s the one for the DVD player plugged in to it!

Sorted

“I can’t see air but it exists,” is offered as proof of a god spying on us. The writer of this ‘proof’ has obviously never been out on a blustery day and experienced wind-chill.
    In the same section of the letters column, there was a good explanation for why God isn’t fixing anything. She’s too busy Shirking @ Home!

The way it works

Shock-horror-slander story in news media.
    “Show your proof,” yells the target.
    “So you can make it disappear in mysterious circumstances?” says the slanderer. “I don’t think so.”
    And the blot remains on the landscape forever.

Would work

It has been suggested that people will go to shows featuring a hologram of Elvis the King doing his greatest hits just for the chance to throw things at the star on stage and watch them whizz right through him!
    Sounds like a lot of fun. But the theatre would need to charge a premium for clearing the junk off the stage at the end of the performance.

No, thanks

Despite all the greenwashing, there is no way any government is going to put everyone behind the wheel of an electric car by 2030, as Labour is pretending it will do.
    Not unless Beer Starmer shakes the Corbyn Magic Money Tree and makes them affordable even to Labour voters. And creates a vast charging network to service them. And a reliable electricity distribution system for when the wind don’t blow and the Sun don’t shine.
    Not even by 2130 with Labour in charge.

Irrelevant Innocence

If Prince Andrew isn’t involved in the Epsteen crimes, as Mark Dolan admitted on GB Views, why does Mr. Dolan keep banging on about him?
    Or is he trying to trash everyone in the news as some sort of compulsion? Even if the accusation are coming from totally unreliable ‘witnesses’?

Next!

Are we all looking forward to the next doctors’ strike? There’s bound to be another along in a minute if they expect the rest of us to cough up their insane 35% pay demand.
    Okay, they can have it if they all cough up half a million quid to fund their NHS training. Or more if someone can fiddle the figures higher.

Goes with the job?

Who on Earth is going to buy that Starmer bloke’s claim that the Labour party is now a party of service to the country instead of to the trade union bosses? Or that he made wonderful ‘life and death’ decisions when he was the DPP?
    Mind you, if 9 billion idiots follow gary bloody lineker’s ramblings, it has to be quite a large number!

Nowhere near good enough

Why is the PM only ‘considering’ doing something about the 700 people who were wrongly given criminal convictions and had to cough up millions of pounds of their own money to the Post Office thanks to the Horizon computerware accounting scandal?
    He should bloody get on with it as a matter of priority. And Starmer, the DPP at the time of the crime, and Ed Davey, the Liberal leader who was in charge of the Post Office during the Dave the Leader coalition, should be on the spot too. Along with all the Post Office bosses. Who should be rendered gongless and made to pay back their bonuses.
    20+ years is much too long to ignore this disgusting mess.

Missing Link

Where’s the £700 million law suit against Fujitsu, which bought & profited from the defective Horizon cock-up used by the Post Office?

Not very greatest

Metropolis, I read in the Sunday Post, is regarded as one of the greatest films ever made. But Fritz Lang’s masterpiece is only 67th in a 2022 poll by Sight & Sound’s critics.
    That doesn’t compute. And it doesn’t say much for the values of the critics. Or their value to anyone else.

Flim or Flam, not both

All the current Epstein stuff has the look and feel of News of the Screws ‘dirty vicar’ stuff and it seems to be about as relevant to the real world as all those insubstantial Sunday Shockers used to be.

No, it ain’t!

SIREN STILL BLARING said the on-screen sub-title.
    Not a sound evident to the viewer of the filmic epic.
    This seems to happen rather a lot; the subs telling the viewer about a noise which might be in the script but didn’t make it to the final performance.

Animosity to the power of 10

What has Prince Andrew done to Mark Dolan of GB Views, who seems to really have it in for him?

Weird, or what!

What is the point of a Reform UK party which has a leader who thinks a Labour win in the next general election will set up Starmergeddon for the economy and everything else, but who’s hell-bent on making sure Tories lose their seats?
    “Reform, but not as we know it, Jim.”

Desert of the Week

Has to be rice pudding made nice and thick with a helping of condensed milk, soft brown sugar and a packet of dates chopped up small.
    Anoint it with Crême de Cassis and douse with farm-fresh cream. Dee-lish!

Just another scandal

The government makes a half-hearted attempt to go after one firm that made excessive profits (not actually a crime) during the PPE panic.
    Nothing about sacking the civil servants who made rotten deals because they weren’t up to the job. Or taking away gongs from those who had them at the time or got them later.

Next, please

The run of the $6M Man has given way to Knight Rider on the Legend channel after an eternity. Cue another bloke needing surgery; Michael Knight. Done by our old pal Oscar, who’s a surgeon now, not a spook.

Not as bad as it looked

It looked like a good day for freezing to death when I ventured out for a paper – as it wasn’t raining. But the cat’s outside drinking water wasn’t frozen overnight and there was liquid water, not ice, in the few remaining puddles.
    Maybe we’ll even survive the day!

Well, why not?

Sarah Vine of the Daily Disaster has come up with an interesting take on Dry January.
    She reckons she’s not going out until it stops raining!

How peculiar!

What do you get on the Sky Darts channel?
    According to the TV guide which has just gone into the recycling bin, it was tennis last Thursday.

And another

A bloke in Manchester made over 2 million quid out of false claims for child benefit before being spotted. He’s been told to pay it back but he’s bound to have an excuse for not being able to. After all, it’s only taxpayers’ dosh!

Another nice earner

63 million people registered with GPs in England, which has a population of only 57 millions. So much for NHS vigilance.

Amazing what you can get away with

I was astounded to read that there’s a bloke still being busted for driving without insurance with 96 points on his driving licence. Why isn’t he in gaol for 96 years?

Right either way!

Luke the Nuke storms into World Darts Final!
    A real gift to the headline scribe if both finalists are called Luke. Picked the winner whoever came out on top.

Turn about

If it’s fair to advocate stripping sporting organizations of cash from the taxpayer if they impose gender ideology and they’re unfair to women, the same has to apply to the UN.
    Why? For making an anti-white of-colour bloke got up to look something like a woman their representative for women and girls in the UK.

Just another lie

Claiming that junior doctors working for the NHS get £14 per hour (or £15/hour, depending on which poster you look at) is lying by being selective with the truth. Their average pay is £41K and starting trainees don’t have to pay for their tuition. They get pocket money from the taxpayer. If you can call around £30K pocket money.

United Opposition

Our local Liberals are making themselves indistinguishable from Labour. They want us back in the E bloody U and they also don’t have any ideas for making things any better.
    The way we’re heading for the next election looks very like change for the sake of it but not for the better.

How to get even more hated

Holding a 6-day strike for a 35% pay rise at the busiest time of the year ain’t going to put any junior doctors in line for an OBE or anything better anytime soon.

Them were the days

The thing about the $6M Man is that all the computers are proper ones, according to one of my nearby neighbours, who started using them in the 1970s for technical stuff.
    He started with big cabinets the size of a wardrobe with lots of flashing lights and line printers clonking away. So much more impressive than a little tablet.

And another one

If a parasocial is someone with a false sense of association and identification with celebrities, does that make a paramedic someone with a false relationship with medicine?
    And does that give paramedics a licence to sue someone for getting at them?

Dischuffed cat

The Mansion cat is feeling quite peeved. She keeps sitting on the back doormat, getting ready for a rampage in the great outdoors, only to have to call it off because rain is persisting down. And very quickly, it gets too dark to see if it’s Yellow rain.

Further clarification

Despite the protestations of the new wordies, a Swiftie has never been anything to do with having a quick pint darn the pub.
    The expression has always been ‘going for a swift half’.
    And ‘rizzing someone up’ is just a misunderstanding cum perversion of ‘razzing someone up’, i.e. mocking them.

Not gone away

The wrong sort of people still have the old work ethic, it seems. I had a call in the middle of yesterday afternoon from 02035 142 2316.
    Yes, it was the bloke with an Indian accent claiming he’s Mr. Mike Roesoft and my computer is sending out distress signals because hackers are misusing my identity. Groan.

Daily confusion

It’s really quite peculiar but with things getting dark so early in the afternoon thanks to the rain, every day is starting to feel like part of a weekend rather than a week day for some reason. And I don’t feel like doing anything when it gets dark.

Passing off

There’s the celebrated author and detective Jessica Fletcher bouncing through the opening titles.
    But after a brief intro, she’s gone.
    Having the likes of a cartoon Irish cop investigating the murder instead of the expert is definitely a grievous crime against humanity.

We know the truth

The only way to use the current buzzword ‘rizz’ is as a contemptuous contraction of risible. Charisma don’t come into it.

Point scoring

Those who didn’t watch the BBC’s programmes are least likely to be contaminated by far-Left woke bias, a scrutiny has found, and therefore virtuous in the extreme!

No snowpersons in Chicago

The NFL match of the Bears against the Falcons looked like it would need a snowplough but the snow just stopped during the first quarter. No need to panic. Back in the 4th quarter but just cosmetic? No, visible to the viewers.

No Controversy?

There doesn’t seem to have been the usual chorus of whinges about the New Year’s honours list this time around. Or maybe it’s all being done in online places where I never go.

Spoke/Wrote too soon!

Good, sunny start to New Year’s Day. Soggy, windy finish.
    I blame the evening shift at the Met Office for that!

All bets covered

I was reading a newspaper story in which researchers; also in the Manchester area; were assuring us that the UK gets nearly twice as many tornadoes as the US per 10,000 square kilometres.
    First it was ‘tornadoes’ and later in the article, it was ‘tornados’.
    I assumed from this that the AI spellchecker had been having a day off as well as the human one; if there still is one!

Dunnit!

Yesterday’s earthquake stories from the north of Japan’s main island reminded me that I’ve actually been in one myself.
    Not an R7.6, I hasten to add. I was in a friend’s kitchen years ago and he was about to put the kettle on for a brew of tea when we heard a rattling noise.
    It was the empty kettle bouncing about on the hob. Just for about ten or twelve seconds. My friend reckoned the Manchester area was getting small ones like this every few days.

Tourist attraction?

London’s UseLEZ mayor has recruited squads of goons in skeleton masks to watch the cameras used to impose UseLEZ finds.
    They’re in trouble for pointing video cameras at anyone who walks into their vicinity. Maybe there’s scope for a new I-Spy book based on them!

Giving us a rest?

Looks like the Met Office mob are having a day off if we have a sunny day and we’re not being battered to bits by a storm!

If only

Quentin Letts of the Daily Mail came up with a great New Year idea for Shirking At Home snivel servants. They should WFO – Work From Office. And also WFO – Work For Once!

Mystery solved

Keefy the Clown of the Chinese Plague Circus claims to have a brain the size of a planet. But which one? Has to be Jupiter, the gas giant. Which explains why Keefy is such an air-head.

Nowt to do with us

Why a Holocaust memorial here when it happened abroad? If there has to be one, why in London and not the geographical centre of the British Isles?
    And why not also one for the 40 million people who were murdered by the communists when Joe Stalin was in charge of Russia? Something else that happened abroad.

Amazing Revelation!

You don’t have to stay up to let the New Year in.
    It just sneaks in anyway!