Thursday, 30 December 2010

There is a time when it’s right to say, “Just F-off!”

When cashpoints and tills in shops are fitted with buttons forcing customers to accept or decline an opportunity to make a donation to a charity, will they also be fitted with a FarQueue [see rant for 11th September, 2010, Ed.] button for customers to press to send an email of defiance to the government over its chugging [Charity Mugging. Ed.] attempts?
    D. Cameron is always banging on about his Big Society and a smaller state. How does creating a new Ministry of Chuggering make the state smaller? Only a politician who has never had much contact with the real world [i.e. most of them, Ed.] would come up with something like this.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

’Uman Rights – what a wonderful idea!

The staff at the Mansion are all fired up to get in on a get-rich-quick scam. They all plan to sue former schools for damages because their ’uman rights were abused when these rotten little atheists were forced to take part in religious assemblies and sing hymns in praise of a god to which they did not subscribe.

Monday, 27 December 2010

Change we weren’t consulted about

The DNA of chocolate has been unravelled by some French outfit, and so we can now expect it to be “messed about with” in the name of making dosh for the big companies and giving the customers something they don’t want with no alternative.
   ● The dog lovers at the mansion are hoping that someone will mess about with it in a way that stops chocko being lethal to doggies!

p.s. The smart money is going into a mine in Nevada, which is being reopened to break the Chinese monopoly on producing “rare earth” elements, which are essential for making electronics, super-magnets, lasers, high-tech TVs, batteries and all sorts of essential gadgets.
   ● I was offered a chance to get in on the ground floor with a Russian consortium. But in the light of the way Mr. Khodorovsky has been screwed and railroaded by Russia’s Mafia government, I pleaded an urgent appointment and left the building in a hurry!

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Here’s a Seasonal Thought

The US military (the ones at the sharp end, anyway) are up in arms about Velcro fasteners. They don’t work as well as buttons when pockets bulge. They collect dirt and sand. And they go “RRRR - I - I - I - I - P” on opening and give away a soldier’s position to the enemy.

Buttons are silent, work in muddy conditions and, according to the US Army’s laundry experts, “do not fray and disintegrate with repeated laundering”. Which says rather a lot about experts who don’t know that buttons do drop to pieces and/or come off in the wash.

Well, please yourselves!

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Scraping For Trivia

There’s a lot of chat about Libs shooting from the lip but what have the rest of them (besides Vince) been saying? D. Heath, deputy leader of the House, said Osbourne, the Chancellor, has the capacity to get up yer nose. P. Burstow, minister for something or other, doesn't want people to trust D. Cameron because he hasn’t become a cuddly Liberal and he has values that Burstow doesn’t share.

A. Stunell, local government minister, has doubts about D. Cameron’s sincerity. N. Baker seems to think he’s in line for a Nobel Prize for putting the Coalition on the right tracks despite having to fight against a regime like the one in South Africa in the apartheid era.

Some bugger else thinks we’re getting a Liberal Maoist revolution. Has anyone asked if we want one? Of course not. And if the government did ask people what they want, it would be New Labour’s abuses abolished, the people in New Labour non-jobs sacked and the same for public service managers with a New Labour mentality (including the police).

What we want is value for money, we want to know where the money is going, and to whom, and we want the people spending taxpayers’ money on our behalf to be accountable to the public for their blunders. But will we get any of that from the Liberals? Fat chance!

Note of Etiquette: In future, he’s to be known as “Vince Cable, the disgraced business secretary”, which is rather Mandelson.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Refreshed? Looks like very well refreshed!

Trivial Democrat Business Minister V. Cable has been threatening to ‘push the nuclear button’ and blow up the Coalition if he doesn’t get his way. Pull the other one, Vince!

He’s had years of watching bungling Labour deadlegs posing as government ministers. Now, he’s one himself. Is he going to give all that up? Not even if D. Cameron slapped his face on live national TV, stuck up 2 fingers and told him to push his effin button.

Give up all that power and the ministerial car and the perks and the grovelling ranks of civil servants? Put a bit more water in it next time, Vince.

Monday, 20 December 2010

And another thing . . .

It’s just been on the BBC lunchtime news, so it must be true. In Moscow, where they have 9 million snow ploughs, the traffic is just crawling along, just like in frozen England.

And talking about frozen, the Global Warming Swindler lobby has been trying to persuade people that 2010 has been the hottest year on record. But spoilsports like and the Real Science blog have given the game away. 75% of the data used to “prove” the case comes from inventing temperatures for regions where there are no weather stations. And if you’re making up your data, you can “prove” anything you like. Who’d have thought climate science would be so like politics!

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Well, would you believe it!

I don’t know. You go out of the country for five bloody minutes and the next thing you know, the snow’s back and everywhere is at a total standstill and the usual bloody suspects are moaning about it. “Oh, they don’t get hold-ups and chaos at airports and on the roads like this in Russia or Scandinavia or New York.”

Small problem, they’re not comparing like with like. We don’t get snow like they do in Russia, Scandinavia or northern America. And if the government started spending the amount of money those places have to just to keep going, you’d soon hear howls of protest. Enough to drown out the rent-a-mobs who are pretending to be students.

And the loudest howls would be from the Labour lot, who gave us the limited effort available for this year and spent all our bloody money to make sure there’s none for improvements. So if you get stuck in the snow, blame Gordon effin Brown.

By the by, there’s a huge green patch where the helicopter landed and the staff, resourceful souls that they are, are laying bets on when it will vanish under a new layer of snow.

Monday, 13 December 2010

Redistribution? Forget it!

Hooray for a more Thatcherite Britain! Hooray for solid opposition to redistribution of wealth. And surprise that the resistance solidified under New Labour.
    “If there is to be any redistribution of wealth, it should be in my direction only.”
I’ll drink to that!

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Just another thought

Last week, I spotted this item on the BlackFlag News website:

“Aren't wheely bins great! Except when the lid freezes shut and you can't put anything in the bugger.”

At the end of this week, there was an item in the paper announcing that lots of councils are asking their residents to keep their bins somewhere warm to stop the lids freezing shut. Which doesn’t do much about the problem of a bin left out on the pavement all day, waiting for attention.

Friday, 10 December 2010

Just a thought

Doesn’t the world look a bare, grey and miserable place now that the rain has washed away all the lovely white snow and left just a stark, soggy, winter landscape?

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Building Britain Bigger

One unexpected consequence of Dave the Leader Cameroony’s “Big Society” is that he wants people to be free to choose to make their home bigger without having to pay cash to their local council for permission to build. So that’s conservatories, extensions, en-suite gyms and swimming pools, and turrets for all with the dosh to pay for it.


Until Labour gets in and triples the Council Tax for anyone who has dared to deviate from their home’s original architectural plan.

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Thank you so bloody much!

Have you ever wondered what New Labour’s real legacy is? It’s a psycho criminal doing 35 years being awarded the ’uman right to be called “Mister” by the screws while he’s enjoying Her Majesty’s hospitality. And Gordon Broon pretending he’s still a full-time MP when he’s never in London expect when he’s plugging his book, Blair-style.

“To the Deserving - bugger all. To the Undeserving - as much as they’re cheeky enough to blag.”

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Whitemare, Schnitemare!

Don’t you get tired of the Moaning Minnies, who sound off every year when a bit of snow brings the country to a standstill? Of course, they have serious snow-tackling gear in Austria, Switzerland and Scandinavia, and for cities like New York, where they get HUGE amounts of snow every winter. But imagine the volume of the Minnies if we spent money on the same scale for preventing a few days’ disruption. Especially while the country is broke because G. Broon spent all our money and put us in a HUGE Broon Hole of debt.

Where would the cash come from? Would we have to stop overseas aid to China and India and stop funding their space programmes? Now, there’s a thought!