Outrage Quotient Zero

Who was the British Royal who invited Rebel Wilson to a drug-fuelled orgy? the headline demanded.
    Which invited the response: “Who’s this Wilson woman and who cares anyway?”

Nearly, but not quite

The observant Littlejohn of the Daily Disaster has spotted that the Met has switched from busting people for the crime of Driving Whilst Black to Walking Whilst Jewish.
    There isn’t quite equivalence as those doing DWB would rather not be noticed but those doing WWJ are clearly all for it if they do it next to an Islamist street block.

Perverted Politics

The Labour lot have been accused of trying to scare old age pensioners with the deliberate lie that abolishing National Insurance means abolishing the state pension.
    But any oldies who don’t know that NI doesn’t fund the state pension have not been paying attention and deserve to stew in their own juice!

Just like me!

Social commentator, writer & commentator – they’re both standard descriptions for panelists on GB Views shows. But how seriously should they be taken?
    Well, both descriptions apply to me, based on what I do here. How seriously does anyone take that?

Primitives Rule!

You’d think there are lots of films about cave persons if you watch them with the subtitles switched on. Lots of instances of people going “Ugh!” during action sequences in the 2021 creature feature Megaboa. It’s a veritable ugh-fest.

All White

We have to elect a cosmetic mayor next month when we do the council election. In the good old days, we had a Lord Mayor who was mainly ceremonial. Now, we have to have some political crumb who wastes a ton of money, just like that prize berk they have in London.
    There are half a dozen candidates for the job, including the berkish incumbent, but the strange thing is that none of them is from an ethnic minority.
    We have an Indian PM, the Scottish bloke is from Gaza West from the way he acts, the Welsh bloke’s ancestors are presumably from Africa and the IRA is in charge at Stormont. You’d think from that situation that an ethnic would be compulsory on the mayoral list. But apparently not.

Amazing Amazon, Part Deux

Another go at tracking my delivery got the same message. When I went to the website instead of clicking the link in their email, I at least got the details of yesterday’s 3-hour delivery window.
    I ordered some small battery-powered lights, some batteries and a couple of packets of filters for a coffee machine. I got some suggestions for items related to my shipment a bit further down the page:
    a bottle of Zinc Bisglycinate tablets
        a multi-purpose squegee for windows
            some fancy toothpaste, probably overpriced
                    a medical fingertip pulse oximeter
                        sugar-free fruit water
That's as far as I went. Someone at Amazon has a lively imagination if any of that stuff is actually supposed to be related to what I ordered. Or maybe the list came from an A.l. with a weird sense of humour.

Refreshing

The bloke who was standing in for Patricks Chrispys whilst he was on holiday; I went to the GB Views website to look for the bloke’s name but the site is so bloody awful and clunks so much that I gave up; was a welcome breath of fresh air.
    The bloke assumed that the obligatory token far-Leftie would be in favour of not deporting foreign rapists & not sending Islamists & other criminals to gaol, and let them know it. And they did not like it one bit.
    Something for Mr. Chrispys to copy now he’s back at work.

Worked for us

What was yesterday’s excuse for a bit of a party? It was St. George’s Day, and having a celebration upsets all those on the far-Left who hate everything about Englishness.

Virtue flag shredded

All those people who think they’re doing their body a big favour by eating only in an 8-hour window and having a long fast from evening to the following morning have been let down.
    Another bunch of experts has come along, looked at the numbers on offer and decided the notion is a load of codswallop. Which seems to be par for the course where so-called experts are concerned.
    Most of what they tell us is dead great seems to be shot down in flames in due course. But not until after the experts have pocketed a chunk of cash, of course.

The Amazon Experience

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    Well, that was a lot of help. Not.

Even sillier

Star Trek Beyond (2016) reveals there’s a new rule: Jim has to order his crew to abandon shop on every mission thanks to an attack of scum-sucking aliens.
    If the captain’s name is Kirk, you can guarantee that he starship will end up crashed and wrecked at the back of beyond, the Franklin, the Enterprise, whatever. And rebuilt, which just encourages Jim to get up to even more daft antics.

Who’s the bad guys now?

The Republicans in the United States have done themselves no favours by delaying the aid package for Ukraine, Israel & Taiwan by 7 months of quibbling and stalling.
    All they’ve achieved is making Creaky Joe’s gang look almost competent.
    What are they up to? Have they secretly sold out to Russia & China?

No cheers initially

When someone sets a new female record for the London Marathon, the first thing you think now isn’t: “Well done!”, it’s “Is it really a woman?”
    That’s what all the blokes competing against real women have achieved.

Also silly at times but watchable

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) starts with Kirk being spotted as immature and over-promoted. Lots of zapping when he’s sent after a traitor. Gulp! Check out them torpedoes!
    Never trust the High Command. Not so much the Enterprise as the Enterfried when the bad guys zap it. If it’s not working, kick the hell out of it works for Jim Kirk. And okay, you just have to have a chase at the end.

Another one

Make Shirk @ Homers pay appropriate business rates on their property for the privilege!

Good idea

The best thing to do with those 21 gender flags which some NHS dickhead came up with is to combine them into a single Raving Bonkers Banner, according to a Daily Disaster reader. One with a lot of sense!

The Ice Axe Experience

One of my mates was going on about the Ice Axe Experience and had an interesting explanation when I asked for one. It seems some pundit said punishing the Tories by electing a Labour govenment to make its usual huge mess makes as much sense as bashing yourself on the head with a lump hammer.
    In response, another pundit said it was more like hitting yourself in the face with the spike on the back of an ice axe! My mate, going one better, decided it would be more like smearing yourself with honey and going and sitting on a next of fire-ants. Which sounds about right, given Labour’s history in office.

Worth a watch

The 2009 film Star Trek gets a bit silly in places but it’s very enjoyable and it’s been so long since I last saw it that I had no idea what would happen next. Which was good.

No flags waved

Is it mitigation that some sports have banned blokes claiming to be female from competing against real women at some levels? Only to an idiot. And someone needs to explain that to our prime minister.
    There’s probably no point in trying to do the same to old Starmer as lawyers know everything and if you don’t agree with them, you’re automatically wrong.

Just Stop

Someone needs to strap Mark Dolan of GB Views down and tell him that calling the Hamas cross-border atrocity the biggest attack on Jews since the Nazi Holocaust is just ludicrous.
    And saying it at every opportunity just makes him look like an idiot.

Time Wasters

Are we much better than the Yanks? Not with our MPs doing gesture politics like yelling for a ban on the sale of peat compost on spurious planet-saving grounds.
    Just ask the idiot for actual numbers on how much carbon dioxide is liberated by using peat and how much goes up the chimneys of the average Chinese power station and watch the idiot run away.

World War III?

Fireworks all round us last night. Some of them quite spectacular. Okay, it was St. George’s Day but how do you explain that to the Mansion cat?

So much for the American Dream

In the Wild West, cowboys used to get a fair trial and a fair hanging. In the New York of today, it’s the same. Without any pretence at fairness.
    Which gives aid and comfort to dictatorships everywhere and makes Bidenland a world leader in injustice!

Me, the hero!

Oh, dear! Caught slacking again. I’m not throwing out anywhere near 60 pieces of plastic packaging per week.
    Maybe I can claim a medal for not killing the planet.

Disharmony Rules

How strange that the Iranian-funded hate preachers in London aren’t leaping up and down and yelling about racial profiling if the police now assume that Moslems now think they have an automatic right to attack anyone who looks Jewish. Or maybe they are and we just haven’t been told yet.

Bad idea

I see the Poseur of Sussex, Mhegan the Merciless, is flogging her overpriced jam in hexagonal jars rather than round ones.
    If a product is any good, customers want it to be in a round jar, which makes it easier to spoon out the last of the contents. Hex jars are naff. So are frilly tops.

Gross abuse

How are so many migrants getting across the Channel? French naval vessels have been observed escorting migrant boats to the mid-point of the Channel where British Border Farce vessels take the customers aboard and ferry them to England.
    Bloody wonderful.

Pointless

Why would anyone need ‘confirmation’ from Israel that it launched an attack on Iran? Under a sky full of satellites looking down and seeing just about everything that goes on?

And another

Diversity has been exposed as just vexatious politics, not our greatest strength, by experts in social interactions.
    But the really amazing thing is that they’ve been allowed to reveal this conclusion and it hasn’t been grotted on by those making money out of the diversity industry.

A rare victory

Falls over in amazement time if the High Court has ruled that Islamists are not allowed to impose their prayer sessions on schools as a means of separating Moslem kids from the rest and of intimidating their opponents.

Soviet-style antisocialism in the UK

Volume 25 of the Reference Edition of Black Flag News makes dismal reading.
    It covers January to April of 2020 and it’s full of stories of fascist coppers objecting to kids playing in their own front garden during lock-in and councils chaining up the gates of cemeteries to prevent people from putting Easter Sunday flowers on graves.

 

Eyes over-pulled with wool?

There’s a lot of attention going on Iran’s factory for producing weapons-grade uranium, but is it just a big bluff?
    There were nukes for sale when the Soviet Union collapsed and they could still be on sale to the right customer now from the kleptocracy which is the Russian Federation. And stashed well away from the obvious target of the uranium works, ready to counter the threat from nuclear-armed Israel.

Stopwatch Ready!

When you have a pee, it should last for precisely 21 seconds. If not, you’re letting the side down.
    That’s what some wee-ologist reckons, anyway.
    I suppose it’s a living of sorts.

Eternal Problem

 Reform UK seems to be struggling to find candidates for all the seats it wants to sabotage to put the Tories out of government.
    Someone suggests old so-and-so as the best person for the job. Then the so-and-so puts something really offensive on some website when drunk and gets the bullet.
    The mange of the minor party!
    Mind you, some of Labour’s established political figures are not immune to the really stoooopid, even when sober. They know who they are.
    And then there’s “Don’t call me ‘Sir’ and posh” Starmer and his U-turns.

No substitute for justice

Putting a former Ofsted boss in charge of the investigation of a head teacher’s suicide due to Ofsted bungling is like making Count Dracula the boss of the blood transfusion service, a Daily Disaster reader declared.
    Yes, it's that obvious. But still it happens in the public sector and will keep on happening.

Enduring Mysteries

How does Michael Knight Rider get away with doing 300 mph in a country with a 55 mph speed limit? Too fast for the cops to catch him, I guess. And how can a grenade blow up under Kitt without shredding all four tyres?

What has Humbug done?

Is it a hate crime to laugh at a bloke who’s swanning around in a public place in a frock? Nope, it’s a basic human right to be amused by a pathetic attention-seeker, and violating that right is grounds for vigorous counter-measures.

Perversely Pointless

There was an article in the newspaper the other day about surviving a nuclear attack, which raises the obvious question of “Why?”
    To groove in the ashes for a while?
    Seems hardly worth it. Especially in a wrecked world with nothing on offer. And no internet!

Phone Guinness!

Could there possibly be anything dafter than a theatre issuing a trigger warning for people get upset when they hear the sound of food being consumed when there is an actor eats an orange on stage in a production?
    If this is the best the human race can do, hurry on evolution to something to replace it.

Yet more cash wasted

When did it become a human right to oblige your government to waste money on defending legal actions when you think it’s not doing enough cosmetic stuff that won’t affect the planet’s climate? If there are any spare nukes handy, dropping one on the European Circus of Hypobolic Ridicule would be doing the continent a great service.

More cash wasted

Why does what passes for the government let the idiots in charge of bits of the NHS waste our money on 21 different ‘gender flags’ instead of using it to treat people with an actual disease. That’s a condition other than a compulsion to waste other people’s money.

Worlds apart

Comparing what was in Saturday’s paper with what actually happened at the weekend was quite fun. We were told the Middle East was going up in flames when Iran did its drone attack and Israel would have to be entirely evacuated by sea.
    In the event, nothing much.
    Except lots more threats and counter-threats.
    It’s a real, old garbage merry-go-round when the speculators get into their stride.

Included out

“Liz Truss: the book everyone is talking about”, the headline claimed.
    Everyone except me and everyone I know, that is.

Great Idea

Was the prime minister ‘hit’ by a resignation of a minister no one’s heard of but who’s had enough of being messed about by the snivel service?
    Maybe a fixed penalty of £1,000 for deliberate hyperbole would fix the problem.
    This is definitely something that should land on the Liberal deputy leader after the clown complained of being deafened by the drum beat of Tory resignations.
    Wot A Clot.

Welcome to the Age of Enlightenment

The more I read about the people involved in promoting and making money out of transism, the more convinced I become that they’re as evil as far-Left politicians can get.

Rethink

It’s about time we had a replacement description for what is known now as ‘local government’. It’s perfectly obvious that governing is the last thing some councils are capable of.
    Like the one that introduced 5 days’ pay for 4 days’ work so the boss could write a PhD thesis about it. And the council in Norfolk that lets councillors claim they’re having a “psychological emergency” as an excuse for skiving out of a meeting.

Finally

The sun was out for the MotoGP race after the US anthem had been tortured with the usual twiddly bits. Bashing at turn 1 of lap 1/20. The resurgent Marc Marquez was getting a bashing. Lots of close racing at the front.
    Marquez went past Acosta for the lead on lap 11. Then he fell over. Pushing too hard.
    It was Viñales from Acosta as the race wound down. Martin lost 3rd place to Bastianini on lap 19.
    No change ahead, Viñales the winner.

No difference

The Aussie police are saying the bloke who went on a killing spree with a huge knife wasn’t a terrorist, he was just a drugged up nutter.
    But is that any consolation?

More Sedate

Still no blaze of sunshine in Austin for Moto2. Canet, on pole, blew the start and went down to 11th in lap 1/16. Jake Dixon fell off on lap 5, the 3rd casualty. Two team mates got racy to give the comms a thrill.
    Joe Roberts zoomed off the track with 3 laps to go and rejoined behind Garcia and Aldeguer. He zoomed up to 2nd on lap 15 but could he catch Garcia for an American win?
    Nope. First Moto2 win for Spaniard Garcia.

See where it goes?

The secretary of Dundee United is claiming that climate change in Scotland has made his team’s perpetually water-logged pitch unfit for purpose.
    Which is a black lie, according to the Rangers manager, if there’s a perfectly green and playable pitch nearby.
    Failure to install adequate drainage is the obvious problem.
    Thinking you can get away with blaming that on climate change is an even more serious problem.

Well Weird

There was a big pile-up at turn 1 of lap 1/14 of the Moto3 race of the Americas in Austin, Texas. Holgado was punted off the track but returned. Another silly crash, still on lap 1. And a solo ‘bucking bronco’ crash on lap 3.
    Alonso was way ahead. Another crash on lap 4. And another. Finish and you get points?
    Worth a replay – a crashed rider got on the wrong bike and was hauled off it by the other rider; he used to work for that type of bike last year. Both rejoined.
    Then it all calmed down. Until another crash from the chase group on lap 11.  Holgado was mugged for 2nd on the last lap but he passed Piqueras at the line to regain the position. Phew!

No wonder nothing works

That’s if the discarded Foreign Office bloke Mark Sed(ill)will is typical of the waxworks at the top of the civil service. The waxworks are obviously too busy whining about Britain’s past; instead of celebrating our civilizing of the rest of the world; to do anything useful.
    And this attitude has clearly filtered down to the minion level.

Piling it on

No doubt Mark Dolan of GB Views thought it was cute to keep showing pictures of nothing happening somewhere in Israel last night as he upped the number of approaching drones relentlessly.
    Fifty, a hundred, how far would he get? The Magic Million? Didn’t stay up to find out.

Do Something!

Any danger of the government slapping a 30% import surcharge on selected goods from China until the damage caused here by all the counterfeit stamps sold to mugs @ 4p a go is repaired?
    Any danger of a government ever doing anything useful?

Making noises, but so what?

Beer Starmer saying the UK’s nuclear deterrent is safe in his hands means what? We know he can’t say it’s unsafe in his hands, which renders the statement meaningless.
    Something he felt obliged to say even it could well be a black lie from an anti-British Labourite.

Both feet

It’s all very well for Ms Reeves to tell the tax mob to stop shirking at home now, but when their union starts making noises about not hurling cash into the coffers of Labour in office, what then?
    Yeah, abject surrender, like always.

Feet full of bullets

How much confidence can we have in the judgement of Rachel Reeves, the Labour candidate for Chancellor of the Exchequer, if she claims she has full faith and trust in Two Homes Rayner?
    Clear evidence that she will do what her party tells her and to hell with her responsibilities to the job.

Some context

There are lots of complaints about the large salaries paid to local council minions but it’s not a new problem. The roots go very deep.
    A correspondent who used to work with a bloke who was a borough councillor in Cheshire in the 1990s and 2000s told me the councillor was in a constant battle with others, including fellow Tories, who thought that the more their Town Clerk (or whatever the currently fashionable title was) got paid, the more prestige the councillors had.
    That’s a “our town clerk gets twice what you pay yours, and that makes us twice as good as you” attitude.
    Paid with other people’s money, of course. And to the neglect of filling potholes and other essentials.

New barrel, please

Is this the worst political alibi of all time? An apologist claiming the Labour party has no policies to offer at the next general election because the Tories keep stealing them!
    That definitely scrapes the bottom out of the barrel.

Well kept secret

Police Scotland will demand to know if someone who reports a hate crime is Jewish, a homosexual, a red-head, a killer or whatever. And if they’re not directly involved, the police will take no notice.

Crossword Clue

Clue: Expired campanologists (4,7)
Answer: Dead Ringers
(cute)

Quite wrong? No, totally

Note for Patricks Chrispys of GB Views: the NHS has not been underfunded for decades. 37% of the cash that goes to it is wasted on non-jobs, rank bad management, an endemic refusal to negotiate decent deals for essential stuff that the NHS needs to buy, etc., etc.

Not a problem

“How can Thames Water be so bad?” yelled the headline.
    Thirty-odd years of practice is the obvious answer.

Too much info

|Is there a Creepiest Person in the World Award available to the oldest person who claims they sleep naked? There seems to be some sort of competition going on in the letter column of the Daily Disaster.

Works for me!

The suggestion that the Royal Mail got the barcode scanners that declare genuine stamps to be counterfeit from Fujitsu!

Back in the limelight

I see the big, strong bloke; Peter Lupus; is now getting proper recognition at the start of the Mission Impossible episodes. Ones which can accomplish in 40 minutes or so what the series of films needs several hours to do.

Also Well Off

The Monday evening weather map offered for Tuesday morning was awash with blue rain predictions with a big belt of yellow storm warnings on the left-hand side.
    Imagine the surprise of Mansion residents who found their Tuesday had a sunny start. And some drizzle rain didn’t arrive until well after anyone who had to do some shopping had been and done it.
    Weather Control gets 10/10, the Met Office gets 0/10.

Well off target

Is ‘brave’ the right adjective to apply to a female celeb-ish, who gets herself photographed in unflattering underwear?
    Nope, ‘attention-seeking’ works much better.

Cute #3

In the good old days of communist oppression, the people of Romania had a Humbug-style government checking on every word they uttered and stomping on everyone who deviated from the party line.
    Until Nicolae Ceausescu got a firing squad for Xmas.
    So think on, Humbug Useless!

Useless Speculation

The next election ‘could’ be held in January, the pundits dug out of a remark by the Tory deputy PM. It ‘could’ be held a  month from now. So much for the uselessness of the ‘c’ word.

Also Cute

As the SNP was founded on hatred of the English for having more money and expertise, its leaders have to be heading for gaol courtesy of the Humbug Useless Hate law.
    Petard & Hoist.
    Gets them every time.

Too late!

‘Rayner is making a fool of you’, the Tory party chairman told Beer Starmer about his policy of ignoring the Two Homes hypocrisy vs a (worthless) pledge to uphold standards in public life.
    But is the fool bit possible? That ‘making’ ignores the fact that Starmer made a fool of himself by telling us Oh, Jeremy Corbyn is the bee’s knees and he’s continued to shovel on the foolishness ever since, especially via all the shameless boozing at Labour dos that he was allowed to get away with when the rest of us were locked in.

Cute!

A definition for inflation: Going from Two Jags to Two Houses!

Unwelcome trend

Home insurance premiums are soaring and part of the excuse is the cost of repairs is being inflated by severe weather due to climate change.
    Which is a black lie.
    The cost of repairs is being inflated because the cost of living has been inflated; excessively by grabbing trade unions for the most part; and the climate has nothing to do with it.
    Maybe we need to introduce a Truth Tax on the directors of companies which come up with this garbage. Say, 100% of any undeserved bonuses and 75% of excess salary.

No Mystery

What if attack-dog A. Rayner had fallen for some Wragg-phishing? an apologist for the far-Left asked in an attempt to move a GB Viuews conversation into the realm of the irrelevant.
    It’s obvious.
    Beer Starmer would have declared her totally innocent of everything with insincerity gushing from every pore.
    No question.

Should happen!

One of my correspondents was wondering how we can possibly have a mental health crisis when the term contains the banned word ‘men’.
    Persontal health doesn’t quite trip off the tongue, but that’s not something that’s likely to bother the fanatics.
    The context for this was the reported attempt by Lloyds Bank to cancel the word ‘widow’ from the name of the insurance company Scottish Widows, which it owns, because widowhood is all about death.
    Daft? Well, yes. But so are a great many other things these woke days.

Could happen

Given Labour’s obsession with all things European, are we now destined to follow in Germany’s footsteps and end up with cannabis legalized?
    And made compulsory as a next step, the cynics are saying. It would certainly distract the nation from Beer Starmer’s lack of ideas for doing anything useful.

Wrecked by a fad

Those who venture into a café operated at a National Trust site are complaining that taking the butter out of their scones to make them vegan has left them as appetising as rock cakes made from real rock.
    One step forward into fashion, two steps back for the customers.

A waste of space

  
If the government is aware that two British citizens have joined Putin’s army and have joined in the assault on Ukraine, why haven’t the useless pillocks in the Home Office been ordered to cancelled their citizenship and their passports?
    Probably because politicians of all colours are as useless as the aptly named snivel service.

Who’s got a time machine?

Where they went wrong with the water industry was failing to franchise it, like the railways, so that if the operator screw up big time; like Thames Water, United Utilities, etc.; it’s gone when the franchise runs out and any massive debts are nowt to do with the taxpayer.

Six of one . . .

Two Jags and now Two Houses, wrote a Daily Disaster reader. How about one with 2 brain cells?
    Not if we’re talking about Labourities. Mind you, the Tories aren’t much better, as Mr. Wragg and his homosex scandal have demonstrated. Who’s getting the blame for that? The Russians or the Chinese?

Telling Stat

Someone has calculated that in every 6-day period, Israel kills as many Palestinians as the number of Israelis wiped out by Hamas last year.

Wrote too soon!

There I was, thinking things were going okay, then I got this message from Blogger:
    “Something went wrong when loading your data.”
Groan!

Just to confuse us?

Today, the internet’s Gonzalez is set to ‘Speedy’.
    Are the owners of Virgin Media doing it deliberately to annoy the customers?
    Whatever, I’m left me wondering if I’m supposed to keep track of all the messing about so that I can avoid the ‘No or Slow’ days and stop being a nuisance by complaining about a ‘service’ which ain’t one.

Good Point

Why aren’t the people who obsess about historic slavery yelling about public executions being restarted in Afghanistan? Scared of being killed by Talibandits?

Nailed it!

Okay, a big cheer for broadcaster Jenni Murray, who pointed out that a vegan scone made without butter is a rock cake, and it tastes like a lump of rock!
p.s. If she wants to avoid being arrested as a hate criminal, all she has to do is call to people who’ve had themselves mucked about with an XX or XY transpicater, as appropriate.
    This simple description devised by the perpetrators of Black Flag News is accurate and leaves nothing to complain about.

The politics of economic suicide

If the Labour party is planning to leave employers with no rights, the only ones left will be those subsidised by the taxpayer to disguise the enormous increase in the welfare budget when businesses get out of it.

Lost cause

Is it possible to get worked up about Prince Andrew’s ‘car crash’ TV interview?
    Not if you haven’t watched it and you are not planning to watch any of the stuff about it.

Not again

It’s Saturday so the internet connection is no-go or dead slow.
    Again.
    No bloody joke, is it?
    Not after a price hike of 9%. More for less.

Not much help

A Liberal party mouthpiece wails that older people are being clobbered with unfair tax hikes.
    To which the obvious response is: “We know, So what are you going to do about it?”
    To which the inevitable response is either a blank silence or more of the bleedin’ obvious.
    And we’re paying people to do these non-jobs?

Grab the grabbers

If train drivers are on £100K, there’s a definite case for a tax dedicated to them. Say, 75%.

Familiar ground

Series 2 is the Mission Impossible I know with Mr. Phelps in charge of picking the team and all the manoeuvring instead of the original bloke. No big, strong bloke either?

Don’t believe the numbers

The TV lady whose husband died of long covid thinks she’s £800,000 in debt. So why were the front pages of newspapers adorned with £1.5 million?
    Lie your head off, lose all trust, is something journalists never seem to learn.

Wot will it be like under Labour?

Exposed on GB Views last night – the Home Office is full of woke snowflakes and the Tories are letting them waste millions of pounds of our money on all sorts of stoopid courses and trigger helplines.
    Things can only get worser if Smarmer & Co. take over, to recycle the New Labour strap-line.

It’s what they do

It’s not really a surprise to learn that the Daily Disaster’s Mind Doctor thinks the mental elf fad has gone too far.
    Once you make something like that fashionable, every skiver in the universe piles aboard the bandwagon, looking for an alibi.
    And there will always be the exploiters encouraging them in order to make a dishonest bob.

Who?

How much incentive is there to watch a newspaper’s podcast series if I haven’t heard of two-thirds of the people offered in the advert?
    And I’m not so short of things to do that I’m likely to need to view podcasts to fill up my day.
    Pass.

Who else?

People don’t trust the Tories with the defence of the country, according to polls. And they don’t trust Labour either. Which leaves what as the alternative?
    What we need is a government which will take spending departments like the MoD and the NHS by the scruff of the neck and shake out all the saboteurs and idiots.
    Shame we’re in no danger of getting one like that.

Another flop

Our friend Mr. Useless, the SNP leader, hasn’t exactly shone during his first year in the job. Probably because he’s too fixated on what’s going on in Gaza instead of Scotland, and that’s why he’s prepared to let any law come in to force, even if it’s as duff as his hate crime nonsense, to create an appearance of doing something.

Worst of all worlds

Anyone surprised that the bogus asylum seeker who was chucking corrosive chemicals around had a Moslem funeral instead of a Christian burial?
    It’s a job to decide which is worse, the religious institutions or the idiots running the asylum system.

Far-Left 101

We had a fine example of how the far-Left operates on GB Views last night. When they’re under fire, they pick a sound apple out of a barrel of mainly rotten ones and claim it's representative of the whole barrel.
    Cute, or what!

Nice people

If it moves, zap it. That seems to be how the Israelis are operating in Gaza. And if a few foreign aid workers get zapped, what the hell? Plenty more where they came from.
    Who needs enemies if you can be your own worst enemy so effortlessly?

Anything goes

Is it troubling that mugs are being swindled by bog-roll manufacturers, who charge a premium for products that save the planet? Even if they contain just a small amount of bamboo and are not that much different from proper toilet rolls?
    I suppose we can just be grateful for the mugs and hope they hoover up all the swindles and save the rest of us from having to fall for them.

The worst of the worst

Beer Starmer’s off-the-cuff support for the appalling Reyner woman tells you everything you need to know about politicians. They’ll tell you anything. And then they’ll tell you something different if no one swallows it.
    Truth ain’t an absolute and facts don’t need to be checked. It’s what shoves cash into their pockets that counts.

Expected Omission

Nothing on the BBC lunchtime TV news yesterday about all the protests in Scotland about the Humbug Useless confected hate crime law.
    But that’s the Beeb for you. The ludicrous left can get away with anything.

More shrinkflation

Washing up liquid is in the same size squeezy bottle but it’s noticeably paler and it’s definitely noticeably less viscous when squirted.
    More water and less of the active ingredients for more money. Wonderful.

One back at them

Clue: artesian mollusc (9,8)
Answer: crossword compiler

Persistence!

The newsreader John Suchet, I read, has written 7 biographies of the composer Ludwig van Beethoven.
    Was that a severe case of if at first you don’t succeed, try, try and try again?

Crossword Clue

Clue: works intermittently unpredictably (2, 8, 10)
Answer: my internet connection

Not doing the job

It was there on GB Views. Officers of the Metropolitan Police will ignore swastika flags displayed by pro-Palestinian street-hogs as they are okay in the context of an anti-Jewish protest march.
    The cosmetic London mayor is as useless as Scotland’s SNP First Minister, the aptly named Mr. Useless.

Crossword Crazy

A ballot box is an urn? What’s that twit been smoking? An urn is wot you get tea out of. Any fule kno that.

Just do it

If 9% of the criminal ‘community’ is responsible for 45% of all crime, then the government should be evicting TV licence fee non-payers from gaols to make room for the real criminals.
    But sadly, this is too much joined-up thinking for mere politicians to handle.

No Case

It has been made clear that the WASPI graspers were told about the change in the female qualification age for the state pension in the 1990s.
    Which means that if they failed to do anything about it, that’s their negligence.
    And definitely something the taxpayer shouldn’t be paying compensation for until the men who had to retire at 65 when women were skiving off at 60 have had theirs.
    But a fair deal for blokes is something that’s never going to happen.

Mixed blessings

The internet connection is still zippy today, which is good. The same can’t be said for the weather, though. Grim and grey, although it tries to brighten up a bit occasionally.
    Still, outdoors is not the storm-lashed wasteland, which the pessimists were telling us ‘could’ happen at Easter.
    Not that I’m missing their storm that never happened, of course.

Another pointless gesture

Should High Court judges be more diverse? The people (mugs?) paying their wages would settle for more competent and more inclined to apply the law as determined by Parliament instead of inventing their own perversions of it.

Surplus Steam

How strange. Wimmin who were invited to the male-only Garrick Club in London as a guest are telling us it’s a dreadfully boring place and they’d never want to be a member. So why all the fuss about men-only membership? Apart from the ludicrous left being terminally stoopid, like they do.

Reckless, or what!

I saved a recording of the Monty Python film The Meaning of Life for Easter Sunday. Which is probably grounds for being burnt at the stake if the religious fanatics ever get to be in charge. Still, at least it wasn’t The Life of Brian.
    Not that this would be a problem now. Neither script would have survived the Pissant Hand of Woke if someone had come up with them in the oppressive present climate.

Too much pub time?

The Labour party has had 14 years to come up with solutions to all the nation’s problems but to say there’s fucq all on offer from Smarmer & Co. would be a gross exaggeration.
    Probably because Labour has always been the party of entitlement, not achievement. Not to mention hypocrisy and gaming the system; both standard operating procedure for the current leadership.

Easter Treat?

The internet seems to be zipping along at the proper speed today. Which just goes to show they can deliver a proper service if they try.
    But getting them to try, that’s the issue.

Best place for him

‘Why can’t Yoko Ono forgive the bloke who killed John Lennon?’, asked the comic Craig Brown of a woman who has been preaching peace & forgiveness all her life.
    Maybe because it gives her peace of mind to know that Chapman, the killer, will rot in jail until he croaks.

Blung! Pratinga Bout!

For no apparent reason, Great! TV has hurled us back to the middle of series 5 of The Avengers. Another of life’s ongoing mysteries.
    Steed is back in his old banger with the straps on the bonnet and Mrs. Peel has a car that’s as swish as Tara’s.

There are better stories

It’s all very well for the Christian minority to rant that the BBC is ignoring their Easter festivals in favour of Ramadan, doing it’s usual trick of favouring something foreign over the national equivalent.
    But the fact remains that The Greatest Story Ever Told is just Hollywood hype. Yes, it’s a story, and maybe based on a few facts, but it’s as real as anything that comes out of the film industry. And as relevant to most of the population as Hollywood is to non-cinema-goers.
    And, like all religions, it has been used to excuse torture, murder and theft from people who don’t accept it as well as an excuse for doing good by stealth.

Down the plughole, please

I don’t live in the area ‘served’ and heavily polluted by Thames Water, but I’m all in favour of letting the company go bust instead of getting a £15 billion bail-out from the taxpayer, of which I am one of the more demanded-from sort.
    The company paid stupid amounts of cash to the gang running the show and ran up massive debts to feed cash to its shareholders rather for than infrastructure upkeep.
    In the real world, that’s a course heading straight for the buffers. Which is where Thames Water should end up.

Surprise!

My internet connection is all over the place again today and when I try to do any mail, I see “oauth.virginmedia.com” at the bottom of the screen and nothing much happening.
    I know what sort of Oath is appropriate for this and I doubt whoever owns VM now would appreciate it. And google seems to be involved in the delays somehow.
    “Update failed” when I try to load a new post here. Tap the space bar a couple of times, tab backspace a couple of times and watch the arrow go round and round a bit more and hope it gets the job done this time.

Good excuse

Not being a bogus asylum seeker and not pretending to be a Christian, I excused myself from buying overpriced or underweight Easter eggs.
    The Mansion chef came up instead with an interesting line in chocolate X-buns, which can be served hot or cold, according to the consumer’s preference. Delish either way.

Not often enough

It’s always nice to see a hypocritical politician who gamed the system getting some embarrassment when caught out.
    Being on the Labour side must be a tremendous comfort, though. Look at all the Labour politicians who went to drinks parties during lock-in and got away with it while the Tories as got stuck by fines.
    There’s always trade-union solidarity from what is supposed to be an impartial police ‘service’.

Unplanned Consequence

Something all the anti-white racialism and diversity garbage has achieved is to make the viewers look at TV adverts with a more critical eye, a survey has found.
    Thus if the number of people from ethnic minorities in an advert exceeds 10%, discriminating viewers assume that the evil forces of tokenism have been at work and take even less notice of it than usual whilst waiting for their programme to resume.

Grrr!

Oh, crap. My internet access is intermittently crap again this morning, making this anything but a Good Friday.

Always Relevant

The thing about Allah’s Thunder by Henry T. Smith, which I am revisiting, is that it was written in 1988 but it has a timeless feel because all the countries involved are still doing exactly the same things in the Middle East right now.

Dai-versity

The Welsh government, I read, has a climate change minister who has a deputy. Both doing fucq all for the subs that they collect from English taxpayers.
    And this is Smarmer’s blueprint for the UK? Sheesh!

Definitely the right people for the job

Something else the far-Left loonies of the Labour party want to do is put the Bank of England, the gang that keeps screwing up the economy, in charge of all the climate change swindles. That’s really going to do the world a favour. Mind you, they can’t possibly do worse than the present gang of global warming fraudsters @ the UN and elsewhere.

Don’t add up

You watch the weather forecast and there are these huge blue areas of rain sweeping across the country when it gets to today. But when you wake up, the Sun is shining.
    Okay, there’s a vicious wind blowing to make everywhere frigid, but we’re not getting wet as well as chilled to the bone.

Just clottish

Don’t you just hate it when Great! TV gets the title of an episode of The Avengers and the cast list right, but adds the wrong plot summary? One involving Emma Peel instead of the present incumbent, Tara King.
    And not just once. Night after night after night.

It’s only our money

No doubt the trade union bloke is all in favour of handing China, a major economy that dwarfs ours, over £8 MILLION out of the overseas aid budget. Sheesh!

Pots & Kettles, come away, come away!

A trade union leader takes a pop at Mandelson for opposing Labour’s plans to let trade unions run riot and accused old Mandelson of thinking of his personal financial interests.
    But what is a union bloke doing if he’s in favour of making his members unsackable and unions having the right to hold the country to ransom?
    Looking after his personal financial interest?
    Which leaves me wondering if the union bloke is too thick to see that his argument is spurious, or cynical enough to assume no one will notice.

More uselessness

 50% of parents don’t think it’s their job to toilet-train their kids(!) a charity has found. Resulting in a call for a ban on kids in a nappy being allowed to go to a school.
    The Age of Ignorance marches on.

What myth?

I watched the Timewatch repeat on BBC 4 of The Houdini Myth and ended up wondering what this famous myth was.
    If it was the assertion at the end that lots of people think Houdini is as imaginary as Sherlock Holmes, that’s nothing to do with a myth.
    That’s clear evidence that we’re sinking into a pathetic Age of Ignorance.

Good Question

People are asking what the Labour party has been doing for the past 14 years in Opposition if it doesn’t have any policies to offer right now with a general election looming.
    The obvious answer is the usual – grabbing cash off the taxpayer and giving nothing in return.

TTTL

That’s Too Thick To Live. You’ve got the bad guy in an airlock of an orbiting space station, you open the outer door to space the bastard, then what do you do?
    Close the bloody outer door before running off somewhere else. But did they do that in the film Scorpio One, like sensible astronauts? One guess.

Brain Buster

Crossword clue: Triangular number (3)
Answer: Tan.
    WTFH has that compiler been smoking?

Triffic!

Just to confuse everyone who uses Virgin Media’s broadband, the internet is zipping along today.
    But tomorrow? Who knows.

No, thanks

There was a recipe for pasta with spring greens and nduja in the paper. What?! As in ‘what the bloody hell is that??’
    As there is less than 4% of this foreign muck in the recipe, which doesn’t look all that thrilling anyway, I suppose it can be left out. Which is easy to do as I certainly don’t recall ever seeing nduja in the local fruit & veg shop.
    Unless it’s a fiery as chilli, of course, and an absolute essential. Not that I’ll be finding out.

Include me out

“We’ve all mucked up an online shopping order,” said the Sunday Post lady. Well, actually, no, I haven’t. Does that make me a non-person in her world?

Aimless gestures

The awful truth has leaked out. All those major cities and tourist attractions switching off their light last Saturday had absolutely no effect on the planet’s climate!
    We are still doomed.
    Or not, as the climate criminals are lying to us to shove their fists deeper into our pockets.

Sitting watching nowt happening

Getting anything added here has been a real pain again today. Water in the works? Or google being obstructive?

The Big Boys

Banging and clattering at the start of the MotoGP race in Portugal then it all settled down behind Martin. Apart from the odd crash. 25 laps is a long way to go.
    Acosta gave the comms a thrill as he headed towards the front. Champion Bagnaia crashed out Marc Marquez on lap 23. Something went wrong with Viñales’ bike and he crashed out of 3rd, letting Bastianini go second and Acosta 3rd.
    Martin was the boss emphatically.

Shut them down?

As well as trolling Royals, the online libel lounges are getting the blame for giving youngsters the equivalent of an adult’s mid-life crisis.
    But the problem might come to a natural end in 25 years’ time. A bunch of Cheerful Charlies have decided that falling birth rates will make the world economy crash around the middle of the century, which means no one will be able to afford internet access.

A bit racy

Unusually, Moto2 was competitive from the start with lots going on at the front in the early laps of 21. It was Lopez from Canet at half-way; until Lopez crashed out!
    Gonzalez got past Roberts for second with 6 laps to go; for a while. Then that’s how they stayed and Canet got his first ever Moto2 win.

Off to cloudy Portugal

It was warm but cloudy for the Moto3 race in Portugal. Two crashes on lap 1/19. A rider chucked off his bike on lap 4. All very sedate otherwise.
    The guys were saving themselves for the end. Holgado was leading a group of 6. Rue was on his tail on lap 18. Nearly on the last lap but he stayed there!

It’s what he does

Putin the Poisoner’s attempt to blame Ukraine for the terrorist attack on the Moscow concert hall on Friday evening is being seen as an excuse for hoovering more mugs into his army as cannon fodder for the Ukraine front.

It’s what they do

“How do all those vile online trolls feel now?” growled Platell Speople in the Daily Disaster.
    Probably, that they’ve done a good job of their trolling and winding up all the lady columnists going.
    And probably feeling they’re entitled to a bonus for giving the ladies ammunition for filling up their allocated space.

Bad guy licence

Another Chinese plague legacy – if you see someone wearing a mask near a court building, it’s likely to be a killer or a rapist trying to frustrate newspaper photographers.

Plenty of exercise

One minute, the Mansion cat was zooming out into a sunlit garden, the next she was back in again to get out of the rain.
    More sun, out again. Back again because of hail!
    Whatever happened to all this alleged global warming?
p.s. Hail over, out into the sun again!

Time Wasted

More crap internet access yesterday. Groan!
    But it seems to be working for no apparent reason today.

Time away

Not much time spent on GB Views last night. No Patricks Crispys, just some bloke doing & redoing the Princess Kate cancer story endlessly as the evening wore on. Wear being the operative word.
    There are only so many times you want to be told the same stuff and see the same bit of news film recycled.
    Get a grip, FFS!

Ego-mental

I suppose the worst thing about being Royal and having something wrong with you is all the parasites who try to make it all about them rather than the patient.

Real dilemma or tripe?

A Daily Disaster reader was baffled by people claiming that they can’t afford hot water at home, so they have to shower at a gym, for which the membership fee ain’t a problem?

Get over it

One does get the impression that the media moocher ladies are disappointed that Princess Kate isn’t at death’s door and they can’t agonize about her and use her as an excuse for telling us in tedious detail about all their health problems.
    How rotten of Kate, getting better.

Used to it

The internet is slow and max. frustration again just after 12 noon. Groan!

No let-up

The phone scammers are still at it as busily as ever. I had a call this morning from a bloke with an Indian accent, which was struggling against lots of background noise.
    Mr. 01753 925 208 wanted to know (mumble) about my boiler. Telling him it’s okay put him right off.

Another scare story

The foodologists are claiming that eating during only 8 hours of the day in an attempt to lose weight will kill you with a heart attack.
    Utter claptrap, say a couple of my correspondents, who have lunch with the 1 p.m. TV news and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. and nothing else apart from a cup of coffee when they get up and tea & biscuits during the afternoon. And maybe a digestive biscuit or two between 10 & 11 p.m.
    Their weights remain stable and they remain healthy enough to get about to the extent they need.

Entitlement on steroids

Is it just another myth of the media bollocks-mongers or do the millennials and other artificial factions really think that their parents have no right to enjoy the fruits of their labours and they should leave it all to their ungrateful brats after a few twilight years of denial?

Conduct unbecoming

Something I’ve noticed from switching on a bit early for the episodes of Mission Impossible is how often the scriptrotters made Captain Kirk do his raving nutter act, usually with Mr. Spock as the target.

Miracle of miracles!

I had another go at the dead-slow or stop internet after 1 p.m. yesterday. And found it zipping along at a decent speed.
    No danger in a reduction of cost if it doesn’t work in the morning, though.
    That’s not the way life works.

Constant service

Three calls from VISA card crooks yesterday morning, all with a recording voice, all from a mobile phone number.
    The bastards are getting desperate!
    Another from a landline: 02045 865 700; in the afternoon. An Indian bloke claiming to be from BT on a really crackly line.
    Some guff about someone trying to use my details for something or other. He wasn’t too pleased when I said, “Good if they didn’t succeed.” He rang off to try and find a mug.

The gang for the job

Where’s the Impossible Mission Force when you need them? They’d be just the people to see off Putin the Poisoner.

Inner glow of achievement

You can tell you’ve led a virtuous life when the Daily Disaster does a 2-page spread knocking job on some guy who’s been in TV shows and you realize that you’ve never watched any of them.
    And feel no inclination to start.

Not bowed and downtrodden

It was encouraging to see Jacob Rees-Mogg back on GB Views after an unexpected day off.
    All due to some spurious quibble by some far-Left stooge(s) about political bias on the station.
    In fact, just the cancel culture trying to take out someone who won’t bow down to the cancellers and who was able to take a pop at lies perpetrated by the BBC after they’d been BBC Verified.

Encore

It really chucked it down last night, the streets where I live have huge puddles, which are a shower threat to unwary pedestrians with so many nasty bastard motorists around.
    And guess what? The internet speed is down to a crawl again.

Tell the mugs anything?

 Tell the mugs anything?
    20th March 2024

Claiming that offshore wind farms have been a huge success is about as big and obvious a lie as you can get.
    It’s cost BILLIONs in subsidies, it costs a bomb when the wind is blowing and it costs a bigger bomb when the wind don’t blow or it blows too strongly.
    And if anyone tells you prices of offshore electricity have come down, that’s because they started at crazy levels and they’re still a rip-off after any reductions.
    And what about the pollution problem 25 years from now when all the unrecyclable turbine blades wear out?

Tortured Souls?

Very curious, the obsession the original Star Trek writers had with sinister figures in hooded monk costumes.
    I wonder what Dr. Freud would make of it!

More imagination

If a lady columnist tells you she didn’t sleep for a week after reading on a junk website that Paul McCartney died in 1960, what do you conclude?
    A) She’s making it up? B) She’s a dangerous nutter and needs to be moved to a padded cell, pronto?

UK industry @ Net Zero?

The Mansion cat’s litter tray was made in Belgium and the refill bags are made in Ireland by the manufacturers of Mars Bars, according to what’s printed on the packing!

Not been trying?

That’s in the sense of ‘making an effort’, by the way, not ‘trying the patience of the customers’.
    Anyway, my internet connection is zipping along at the speed I expect today. Which just shows that they can do it if they want.

Garbage Grinder

Is whoever writes the Daily Mail editorial pieces from the same planet as the rest of us? Not if he/she/it thinks the Princess Kate Easter pic was ‘heavily doctored’
    Total claptrap about just a few minor tweaks. Which reduces overall the credibility of these efforts still further if all they can offer is mindless hysteria in a public place.

Who was fooled?

Is there anyone who actually believes the Russian election last week that gave Putin another 6 years with both hands in the till was done honestly. That’s actually believes – as opposed to pretending to believe in the hope of getting something out of it.

Well, why not?

The best wind-up about all the fuss made about Princess Kate being out and about at the weekend is that it was probably a stunt double, making mugs of the conspiracy theorists.

Imagination Explosion

You have to give an ‘E’ for effort to the scriptrotters of The Avengers. They came up with the weirdest stuff for series 6, now currently showing on Great! TV during the week.
    Especially the piano that writes best-selling romances. Wonky continuity, though.
    And I still can’t understand why the episodes are not being shown in the proper order if G!TV has all of them.

More of it

The mob that bought Mr. Virgin’s internet service aren’t setting any speed records again today. Bugger! (Or google?)

Good guy!

Frank Hester is obviously a thoroughly decent and discriminating bloke if he didn’t use the appalling entitlement of someone like Diane Abbott as an excuse to assume that everyone of her sex and racial origin is exactly the same.
    Not something the Labour stooges of the BBC are likely to give him credit for, though, as made plain on Sunday.

Imagination Deficit

A former Scottish miner said in the Sunday Post he never heard a complaint from a farmer when he stole turnips and potatoes from their fields during the 1980s Scargill strike, which finished off his pit.
    He obviously hasn’t spotted the obvious explanation, which is that the farmers were successfully intimidated and they chose not to get a good thumping from a gang of militant miners.

Loaded with blanks?

Don’t you just love it when the bad guy has a chain gun on his car and he’s shooting at some Charlie’s Angels from close range and not a bullet is hitting the gals?

Another rival for the UFO Mob

 Has to be the Office for Budget Responsibility, a quango that gets its forecasts for what the British economy will do wrong 90% of the time but still manages not to be terminated with extreme prejudice.
    Not even for making our clueless Chancellor effectively give non-doms their marching orders with his abolition of their tax break.

Making an effort today

My internet connection seems to be whizzing along at the expected rate today.
    They’ve obviously not been trying on a dodgy days.

Anti-White Discrimination?

Wales has an African ethnic in charge of the governing Labour party now.
    Scotland has a spiritual Gazan in charge of the SNP/Green regime.
    Westminster has an ethnic Indian at the helm.
    Spit the bones out of that.
    And the IRA are in charge in Ulster.

Not again

Mark Dolan doing a whinge about the Princess Kate photo on GB Views last night? Quick, what do we have recorded?

Basic blunder

“Take the gun, you pillock!”
    How come Walker, the Texas Ranger, doesn’t know this fundamental rule? Which has to be observed after booting the bad guy to make sure he’s not shamming being unconscious and planning to shoot you in the back.

No, not cute

That’s the local council for my area throwing my money at silly diversity non-jobs. And overpaying the officers of the council. Hundreds of thousands for the town clerk? Nonsense.
    And don’t get me started on all the extra expenses the bloody councillors will be copping for.

More Groan!

Another day of dead slow or nothing happening on my Virgin Media internet connection. Wonderful.

Yes, it is cute

A Palestine flag on a lamp post in a Jewish area of London isn’t a hate crime, it’s just a litter problem, says the Met.

Too thick to get it?

Or making too much money out of it? That’s all the spivs with net zero plans that will waste trillions of pounds and want them in force tomorrow instead of well after China and India lead the way with meaningful cuts in their monster carbon dioxide emissions.
    And spare us all the bollocks about carbon capture tech. The people producing zillions of tons of it should be doing the capturing, not us.

More than a quibble too far

Gordon Bennett! You have to be really desperate for something to put in your newspaper column if you won’t let Princess Kate have the human right to tweak a family photo. No, she has to ring for a minion to get the job done. Sheest! again. And some further gratuitous nose-poking for Prince William thrown in.
    Maybe what’s wrong with Kate is that she’s feeling dragged down by all the intrusive nosys, who carp at what others come up with then pile on a load of their own ‘coulds’.

A ton, Joe Style

Creaky Joe Biden came out with “I have no goddam idea” over 100 times when quizzed about abuse of official documents.
    And this is the bloke the Democraps are putting forward for four more years as the POTUS? Sheesh!

Frustration!

The internet is doing its ‘end of the week, not breaking any speed records’ again (google sabotage?) and the Mansion cat is playing silly buggers.
    She’s gone out, she’s getting wet, and she’s not coming in again when given the opportunity to do so.
    Some days, you just can’t win.

Loot to make the eyes water

 The Mission Impossible crew were after Hitler’s stashed $300 million last night. How much would they collect if they snaffled Putin the Poisoner’s stash?
    Allowing for inflation over 80 or so years, it has to be in the region of £300 trillion, and something a hell of a lot less portable than the block of gold the Impossibles tracked down.

Lost talent

Good grief! There was a spread of pictures in the paper of female ‘stars’ of all descriptions in their dressed up gear. Most of which was ‘saw ya coming’ junk.
    Good dress sense is clearly not an attribute of the celeb now.

A rival for the UFO mob?

It must have taken a lot of computer sifting and invention for a French academic to conclude that English is just a variation of the French language.
    Or maybe we’re supposed to admire the skill involved in holding down a job that exposes the employing institution to ridicule as well as the academic.

Numbers without proof

 How meaningful, if at all, are all these guesses made about how much sleep people get? When I wake up in the middle of the night, I can look at my watch and know what time it is. But I have no idea when I dropped off to sleep.
    If the sleepers on whom the claims are based are not wearing a gadget monitoring their sleep time, and this info is not included in the report, anything the sleepologists claim is worthless.

Wot is going on?

56 bytes/second for a download? Then the connection lost? Twice. That is appallingly crap internet access.
    Network protocol problem for the Blogger website I’ve just been to? With ‘Page not found’ to follow?
    And all this with 5 bars showing for the connection to my laptop.

The person only

The disapproval and derision landing on the Abbott woman are products of her many character defects. Which include losing the Labour whip for racialism against Jews, let us not forget.
    The Labour party playing the race card on her behalf is therefore rank hypocrisy, particularly when it’s being done by an institutionally anti-Jewish party.
    One led by a bloke who has no problem with going out of his way to take cash from terrorists.

No excuse to panic

Having a century of sightings to examine, the gang at the Pentagon have decided there’s no evidence we’ve been visited by aliens from off-planet. But that’s exactly what they would say if they were under the thumb of evil aliens.
    So where does this get us, apart from nowhere? Maybe we’re supposed to feel a warm glow, knowing that the UFO scanners are in a job that gives them long-term, if useless, employment.

Unwelcome development

The Whiskas with chicken that the Mansion Cat hoovers up enthusiastically seems to have suffered double shrinkflation.
    Not only has the amount in the box gone down but the golden chicken bits seem to be very few and far between all of a sudden.

Cudda done better

Author Peter Hitchens was complaining that he wrote his book The Abolition of Britain in 1998 using a primitive word processor.
    Making life difficult for himself, my techspert reckons. Back in 1998, you could have bought a second-hand PC that would have run a version of WordPerfect™ capable of typesetting and laying out a book to the same standard as the current version. One that could be used to design and print your very own hardback copy of your book. My techspert knows people who have done it – and still do it.
    It wouldn’t have been able to zonk out a PDF version of the finished book, but with publishers still taking in submissions printed double-spaced on A4 paper, it wasn’t needed.

Not again

Groan! Getting to some bits of the internet is a bugger again. More water leaking into the cable tunnels?

No depth too low to plumb

Saying the useless lump of a Labour MP Diane Abbott is an appalling person is a comment about one person, not an entire race.
    Thus yelling racialism about it just serves to underline why the far-Left have their ‘ludicrous’ tag.
    What is appallingly racialist is trying to give someone a free ride just because she has African ancestors not European ones and irrespective of how incompetent she is.

Calm down, dears!

Is someone doing a few editing tweaks to the latest picture of Princess Kate and her kids a catastrophe of the magnitude of Putin the Poisoner starting World War III?
    Or is it just a product of hysterical scribblers in a sort of Silly Season state with nothing sensible to write about?

Great wiseguy question

When the migrants get to Rwanda and find out how great it is, will they be demanding legal aid to sue our government for not getting them there sooner?

Actually going around!

Jos ‘The Boss’ Verstappen of Red Bull seems to be very bent out of shape that the investigation of that bloke Horner failed to make him into a major criminal. And it’s rather surprising that his accuser is now being held to account.
    That’s what should happen in a decent society, but in Formula One? Which disregards its own rules in imitation of the WWE now? Or makes up new ones to get the ‘right’ result? Not something you expect any more.

Happy times ahead, not

Some papers being recycled had articles making a big deal out of the last two men to be hanged for being homosexual. To make us glad we’re not living in the olden days? When petty thieves were hanged rather than being allowed to swan out of their local supermarket with stuff they haven’t paid for because the police can’t be bothered to do their job?
    Could it be we’re on the road to an even more extreme pendulum swing and they’ll start hanging everyone who isn’t on the list of sexual deviant minorities?

Free Agent

Is Lee Anderson ‘defecting’ to the Reform UK party and giving them an MP really a Big Deal? Not really.
    If the twerps at the top of the Tory party have given him the bullet to try to hoover Moslem votes away from Labour, why not?

Wot’s That?

One from the front page of the Sunday Disaster – a complaint about the Scottish government using taxpayers’ cash to fund porn involving vanilla sex.
    What a let down to find that tubs of ice cream are not involved and it’s just the normal, unperverted version of the deed.

Not much help

A Daily Disaster reader doesn’t want us to make fun of people who speak fractured English on the grounds that they know another language. Which is a fat lot of use if they’re here to work in a care home full of English-only speaking oldies.

Normal is nice

It really is good to have the internet working at its proper speed again after all the trials last week. Shame we can’t have more interesting stuff on it.
    But maybe we should be reassured if the most vital issue of the moment is that photo of Princess Kate + kids.

Cooking Fat!

Tg6t
    What’s that on the line above? The Mansion cat taking a short cut across my keyboard.
    I’m just lucky she didn’t manage to step on the ‘off’ button with her usual unerring accuracy.

Sorted!

Why have we got global warming? Forget all the BS from the climate criminals. It’s a direct result of burning all those tankerloads of petrol loaded up with cocaine in the Bond film Live & Let Die.

Bit of a laff

Has to be a 19-year-old claiming her generation has higher standards than Bridget Jones when they’re obsessed with wokism, trans BS and other issues of Net Zero value.

What’s that about?

Air-Fryer sales are at record levels, we are told. But what I’d really like to know is the source of this weird notion that people can live on air, fried or otherwise.

Just not trying (in the making an effort sense)

The internet was setting new records for uselessness yesterday. Record lengths of waits for something to happen and failures to connect.
    I noticed the name google in a lot of the ‘bottom of the screen’ names of the hold-ups that weren’t making connections. Have they got too many fingers in too many pies to do a decent job?
    Different story this morning (so far!). I managed a download in 5 minutes today of something that showed times of 3-6 hours yesterday before I gave up on it.

No Surprise there

Apparently, the Welsh whinge achieved a record for the BBC; a lowest ever audience figure for the final part of a prime-time serial on BBC1.
    Must try harder to do worse next time?

Totally shameless

I was amused to read that the Advertising Standards mob were forced to unban an advert showing a lady wearing half a shirt and nothing else; or maybe also hob-nail boots as her feet were outa sight.
    The ban was dropped after the model said the picture wasn’t gratuitously sexual, which sounds a rather limp excuse for a ban when the fashion trade is involved.
    But the best bit of the article was what was on offer as the model’s first name. How on earth do you pronounce ‘FKA’ without getting hauled up for obscenity?

Alone but not necessarily lonesome

All these charities making money and creating employment around the elderly keep giving us statistics about how many oldies live a solitary life.
    But there’s never anything about how many are happy to embrace their inner hermit and can find plenty of things to occupy their time, thank you very much. Maybe it’s something to do with the amount of dosh that can be hoovered up in the name of relieving loneliness, real and assumed.

Not at all impressive

That’s the speed some (but not all) things are happening on my internet connection at the moment. Calling what’s happening a crawl would be a gross exaggeration.
    Things got better after noon yesterday. Not today. Using Blogger is a real pain at the moment.

Four Cheers

It was encouraging to see a Welsh whinge of a play on BBC1 get zero stars when reviewed in the Daily Disaster.
    The one star for even the worst rubbish imaginable rule is a crime against humanity.
    The load of drivel in question was up against a repeat from series 6 of The Avengers, so it had no chance here.

Unscheduled amusement

When I decided to anoint the pieces of cake that went with my afternoon cuppa with Southern Comfort, I had an interesting sonic experience.
    I has to open a new bottle and when I was pouring some into a teaspoon to do the anointing, and when I raised the bottle to the vertical again, it made lots of fascinating gurgling noises. So fascinating that the cake was probably anointed a little more freely than usual!

Who’s in charge of the charge?

One disadvantage of using an old laptop to spare yourself the bother of loading all your usual programs on to a new computer is that it can sometimes do bafflingly stoopid things.
    Yesterday, when plugged in to the mains, it charged up to 26% and refused to do any more charging after that. I did a bit of messing about with the power settings, but nothing.
    So then I did what’s the option of last resort: I closed all the open programs and told it to switch off.
    And lo, when I started it up again, the bugger was deigning to charge the battery to a full top-up when I wasn’t putting much demand on it.
    All of which confirms that it’s not a case of you can’t win, it’s more that you’re not supposed to.

Not that impressive

The usual suspects are claiming that we’ve had the warmest February ‘in modern times’. Which is, like, less than a blink in the eye in terms of the history of the planet, which means that no one is impressed.
    Especially not with a contribution from the latest El Niño added on; which the climate criminals would rather not say anything about.

The Actual Inspiration?

There was an episode of the original Mission Impossible last night in which Rollin Hand suggested a plot to send plague-carriers to the US.
    Is this what the Chinese tried with their Wuhan plague after watching a box set of the series?

Retro Response?

Is the decision by Marks & Spencer to put all sorts of weird chocolate animals on offer instead of Easter eggs a reaction to the decline of Christianity cause by the woke attitudes at the top? Is it a move back to an era of worshipping strange animal gods in the hope that there’s more profit in it?

Disconnected thinking

Why is Aston Martin postponing the launch of a new car because it doesn’t go ‘vroom’ like a proper sports car? It’s an electric vehicle. What did they expect?

Good Counter

No one should be allowed to get away with claims that large numbers of the world’s population are starving if 12½% of the people on the planet are obese.
    There’s obviously more than enough grub to go round.

Sound advice . . .

. . . from an ex-Chancellor to the current inmate.

 

Daft Idea

What on Earth is the point of putting a red voice graph on the TV screen when someone reads out a written message or a quotation by someone in the news?
    Silly. Bin it.

The world holds its breath

Are the Democrats in the USA really going to put ancient and senile Joe Biden on the ballot paper for the next presidential election?
    What deadlegs the rest of the gang must be if he’s the best on offer.

Lacking Inspiration

What the police and politicians need to do is come up with an alternative; or better still, several alternatives; to the tired old cliché “our thoughts and prayers are with . . .”
    It may be true but it now lacks any ring of sincerity and it always comes across as the deliverer just going through the motions.

Just plain silly

You’d think it would be a fundamental requirement that the Archbishop of Canterbury has at least two working brain cells. Which makes it all the more strange that the present one thinks his flock will raise a billion pounds for him to do meaningless virtue flagging about slavery.
    Which we ended, but you’ll never hear Mr. Wetby admit that.
    Shame there isn’t an annual mental fitness test, which would left the CoE bin someone who’s gone doolally.

Impure motive?

Why did the Daily Disaster’s female scribblers do their best to break up the marriage of the Red Bull F1 guy Christian Horner on the day of the Bahrain GP? Are they in the pay of Ferrari?
    Alternatively, it could just be latching on to something to make it all about the scribblers to get pay-back on blokes who ditched them in the past.

Today’s Quote

“We face a rocky road ahead and we’ll need wise heads.”
    Shame we don’t have any in the political parties on offer.
    Maybe they should be called political wakes instead of parties.

Alternative Z

‘What’s that?’ I asked the correspondent who mentioned it.
    ‘It’s one the water companies hope people don’t know about,’ I was told. ‘To leave all you cold taps running day and night if you don’t have a meter to make sure you’re getting all the water you’re being charged for.’

There are alternatives

Is the only way to stop the silly rumours about the Royals for them to post their entire medical histories on an internet libel lounge, as an eminent historian is suggesting?
    A better way would be to refuse to have anything do with the speculators and their sources to deflect them toward something useful for a change.
    And for people like the eminent historian to realize that when the internet ‘explodes’, it’s nothing to do with real life.

As good a reason as any?

Watching repeats of The Fast Show reminded me about the lady who goes, “Hah!” derisively whenever someone is seeking credit for something they think is really good.
    This offers an explanation for why that play in London about slavery does it to black-only audiences – created by letting whities know they won’t be welcome even if this can’t be stated explicitly.
    The virtue-flaggers don’t want all the white wise guys in an audience going, “Hah!” when the persecution complex on the stage gets too intense.

Plain Fact

Women cannot be trans-women because they are female, we were told by someone in a position to know. There’s one in the eye for bogus equality.
    Not that the BBC will see anything wrong with the idea. At the BBC, everything blokes do is wrong and the bosses would be happier with an all-female crew.

Someone benefits!

Is it okay for a football team’s manager to be dismissive to a female reporter who’s pestering him about something trivial?
    I suppose so it if gives another female journalist something to put in her newspaper column instead of something vital and important to the entire human race. Such as an explanation of what makes journos think they have a divine right to confront people and expect to be told all.

No Way

Do we want Begum the Bride of Daesh back? No, thanks. She’s already cost the British taxpayer a quarter of a million quid in legal aid; no danger of the lawyers working for free; and she’s made Net Zero contribution to the state.
    We have more than enough entitled parasites already.

Peace at a cost

The only way to reduce the killing in the Middle East would be to send the UN’s Blue Helmets in to disarm the terrorists in Palestine and the Israeli Death Force. And then the ship-sinkers in Yemen, the bad guys in Iran and Iraq and Syria, and anyone else who’s still feeling lethally frisky.

Loss of Vigilance

One of my neighbours reported that he looked at his watch yesterday and saw a figure ‘1’ in the date box. He hadn’t noticed in time checks on Friday and Saturday that it had been showing ‘30’ then ‘31’.
    He blames losing the habit of winding on, or checking if he needs to do it, on two successive months with 31 days each.
    It also shows that he’s not one of those people with a compulsion to look at a portable phone every two seconds.

Bad all over

It’s really comforting (not) to read in the Sunday Post that the bosses of Police Scotland are as useless, mistakenly obsessive and cover-up eager as the ones south of the border.
    That’s the ones in England who tried to frame entertainers and Tory politicians on the basis of fantasies, and totally screwed up investigations into serious crimes. Shame none of these characters is ever rooted out and booted out with dishonour. But with Parliament packed with lawyers like Beer Starmer, rather than real people, that’s not gonna happen.

Line of Succession

Is it possible for our Chancellor of the moment to look more pleased with himself? Could be he’s trying to slot himself into the historical record next to King James VI/I, the wisest fool in Christendom, who gets a really good kicking in the book I’m reading about the history of the Tower of London.
    Hunt the Stunt will have be known as the Smuggest Bugger in Christendom.

Not very charitable

The lifeboat operation at a town in North Wales has been ended because the RNLI sees nothing wrong with senior crew members speaking Welsh to a crew made up of volunteers who speak only English.
    Anyone who ends up in the sea in that area will be left to drown until a new set of volunteers can be trained? That seems to be what’s on offer from this uncharitable charity, the bosses of which think that not listening to their volunteers is the right way to run an essential service.

Well spotted

The Labour party deputy leader successor to John ‘Two Jags’ Prescott is Angelica ‘Two Houses’ Raygun.

Unfit for purpose

That’s the only conclusion to be reached about the head of the school in Kent, who’s claiming that banning false eyelashes makes 13-year-old girls pretend to be mental health cases to the extent that they can’t function at school.

Decisions, Decisions

If Hapless Hairy feels unsafe when surrounded by British peasants, his solution is obvious. Stay well away from them. Don’t come here.
    But, of course, that would deprive him of a ‘look at me’, attention-seeking whinge.
    Paying his own way now he’s not Royal is out, obviously.

Justice or lack of distractions?

The case of the cleaner who was sacked for helping herself to a sandwich, which might or might not have been surplus or might have been vital nutrition for some unlucky person, has been rattling along merrily.
    I do get a sense that we’re in a sort of Silly Season at the moment with nothing much going on. Apart from a couple of wars, which have been going on long enough to be the norm, and politicians doing daft things, which is also the norm.

Having it all ways

As the US Justice Department starts claiming that having a history of drug taking doesn’t prevent someone from getting a visa to go there, Prince Harry starts telling us that he made up all the stuff about drugs to make his book interesting.
    Black is white. Or red, green, yellow, mauve or any other colour you fancy.
    Truth, like justice, is an entirely elastic concept.

Talk; but is action to follow?

It’s all very well for the Prime Minister to tell us what we already know; that the streets are full of thugs in places; but will anything be done about it?
    The common attitude of senior coppers suggests that they are too busy with their diversity and equality agendas, and making sure they have enough brown faces around, to be bothered with pesky criminals.

Wriggling won’t help

Maybe Beer Starmer should stop pretending that George Galloway didn’t pinch Labour’s Moslem vote in Rochdale and admit he (Starmer) made a total mess of things there.
    But honesty from a politician? Pretty well unheard of.

Super Explanation!

Misfiring Trident missiles shot from our nuclear submarines are identifying as torpedoes! Nice one.
    Now all we need is one for why anyone thinks that by-election in Rochdale is anything more than a random curiosity of Net Zero relevance to anything.

Second Class it ain’t

It used to be 1-3 days for delivery and you could get the mail the next day. Now it’s 5-7 working days. For a lot more dosh.
    More like Tenth Class.
    But I’ve just had something delivered via Royal Mail 48, which arrived 2 days after I placed the order, so that’s something that works. Well, where I live, anyway.

Bright Side

With all the pointless distractions about the Gaza situation and the Pals of Terrorism in the streets, we’re not getting the usual seasonal threats of a hosepipe ban, some alert person has noticed.

It’s all relative

“Do rats serve any useful purpose?” a Daily Disaster correspondent asked.
    But useful in what sense? They’re just another species which has evolved and found how to flourish in the present planetary conditions.
    They are certainly more useful than humans in that they are not destroying The Planet by causing unchecked and out-of-control global warming. Always assuming the humans telling this tale can be trusted, which is not a given.

Acute Observation

Most of the MPs who joined in Walkout Wednesday spent most of their time messing about with their phone in the Commons chamber and they had to be told to walk out instead of flocking to their party’s chosen voting lobby.
    A fine example of Democrazy In Action!

Clarification needed

“PM tells police chiefs to end mob rule” – is this an admission that Lee Anderson was 100% right about what’s going on in London and the PM is too scared of the Mob to say so?

One I should have missed

Further to the observations made previously, I had a scam call from a mobile number a couple of hours after I recorded the last but two thought. Obviously a machine voice trying on an 'Amazon buy' scam.
    There’s a scammer who needs to invest in either a fancy AI system or a crooked actor, who can sound like a real person who isn’t from India.

Did I miss something?

Anyone would think this country is ruled by Moslems, the way ‘celebs’ keep trying to get themselves noticed/notorious by pandering to the pro-Palestinian troublemakers.

Glad to be elsewhere!

It can’t be any fun to live in Birmingham at the moment if the bungling Labour-run council has dug such a monstrous debt hole that the Council Tax is going to have to go up by 21% over the next couple of years.
    No doubt everyone living there is hoping to be bailed out by a Labour government looking after its own.

Consequence

We were wondering if BT’s urge to cancel landline phones means that those who still have them get more calls from the phone scammers, and especially the ones who using a mobile rather than a phone attached to a company exchange.
    There could well be a research paper in it for someone: “Consequence to Con Sequence – a study of trends in telephone fraud”. Shame there’s no copyright on ideas.

Every day another

That’s a theory about how Putin had the opposition politician Alexei Navalny murdered. Forget the KGB punch to the heart when he was chilled to the bone. Grab by a bunch of thugs and one single drop of Novichok administered to the tongue is the next alternative.

Total Disorder

If the Just Stoppers start a blockade of an MP’s home and a bunch of terrorism supporters turns up to do the same, what will the police end up doing? Watch them fight it out and then arrest the losers as a softer target?

What’s the point?

What do the US legal bunch get out of adding up all the years they could give the Wikileaks bloke Assange for putting American lives in danger? Other than showers of derision if they think they can keep him in gaol for 175 years.
    Or maybe they’re hoping to score virtue points by giving him 170 years’ remission for behaving himself.

Weird or perverse?

What is it with women and holes in garments? They went mad for jeans with the knees aerated. Now, it’s tights. That’s the only explanation for a popster/actress to be parading around in tights with a fancy pattern and a big hole beneath her left kneecap.

Cue the Revolution?

Former Tory deputy chairman Lee Anderson performed a valuable public service by speaking out against one of the many vexatious minorities and their stooge, who have nothing better to do with themselves than try to ruin the lives of the rest of us with their eternal attention-seeking and poisonous control freakery.
    PM Sunak’s reaction confirms that the Tories have lost the plot and the reactions of London mayor Khan & Labour leader Starmer confirm that Labour has nothing to offer in the way of a competent alternative,which can be relied on to serve the best interests of the British people as a whole.

Not even one hoot

Is there anyone outside the political bubble who hasn’t told the Westminster Wibblers that the Israelis and the Hamas crew are not listening to their burblings?
    Where’s Guy Fawkes when you need him?

Terror Tactic?

There’s been a lot of speculation about what Beer Starmer threatened the Speaker with in that now notorious cupboard to cause Walk-Out Wednesday when the SNP wanted to wave virtue flags over the Gaza shindig.
    Setting the Post Office's goon squad on Hoyle to railroad him into gaol for fiddling his expenses is the best explanation I’ve seen.

Tech Overload

Good grief! I read that some electric toothbrushes come with a 50-page manual and the maker wants you to connect it up to a crap phone app so that you can track your brushing history!! Sheesh!
    You’d have to be a really sad loser to add that to all the other time-wasting opportunities on a phone.

Well off the mark

“Westminster claims to be the mother of all Parliaments but it behaves like a sixth-form debating society”, a Daily Disaster reader told us.
    Wrong.
    It behaves like an ancient mother with senile dementia most of the time.

Smart Manoeuvre

How comforting it was to read that 10-pin bowling was invented to get around the anti-gambling laws framed around 9-pin bowling.
    Where there’s a will, there is indeed a way!

What a Muppet decision

The former Tory MP Lee Anderson is quite right about the Islamist take-over in London. The TV news is full of evidence of it. Which makes booting him off the Tory list quite wrong. SNAFU. Real people cancelled again.

Re-evaluation

Maybe it was wrong to call London’s cosmetic mayor giving names to parts of the Overground rail network ‘clottish’.
    Strike the ‘ish’, it’s totally clot!
[with a nod in the direction of Jonathan Miller’s explanation that he’s not really a Jew; just Jew-ish, not the whole hog]

Crossword Revolt!

Clue: Mass of bread.
    400 grams or 800 grams is much more accurate than ‘loaf’.

How do they get away with it?

After seeing a TV advert, there was much speculation about what the Guinness ‘nitrosurge’ is all about. The explanation that got the most approval was that it delivers a nitric oxide blast to the male body similar to the one delivered by Viagra and its imitators!

Beyond Dispute

“Where there is a low turnout in a by-election, why does the loser always assume it was their supporters that didn’t bother to vote?” a Daily Disaster reader asked.
    No assumption necessary, mate. The number of votes each party got is readily available the next day and, as for the last couple of by-elections, they show perfectly clearly whose supporters didn’t turn out.

Easy Pick

Which are we more under threat from – the largely imaginary far-Right or the ubiquitous & vexatious far-Wrong cancel culturalists and other anti-British far-Left scumbags?
    When did the far-Right ever manage to stop the traffic on a regular basis completely unchallenged?

Khan’t be tolerated

London’s mayor should be booted out if his response to criticism from an MP is to try to play the race card. This is just anti-white racialism if he’s pretending the colour of his skin is are behind the criticism, not his serial incompetence, being on the side of supporters of Islamist terrorism and ‘working hard’ to make central London a Jew-free zone.

The Invisible Can-Carrier

There’s nothing like a good bit of scandal to make a politician invisible. Anyone seen or heard anything of Liberal leader Ed Davey now that the Post Office/Horizon scandal is out in the open?
    Nope?
    Lost deposit time is no fun for the minorities.

Just Iggorant

“How to never forget where you left your keys again” by a top mental expert.
    A headline trumped by:
“How never to forget about not splitting infinitives” by a top English grammar expert.

Just clottish

You wouldn’t think the transport system in London is billions in the red if the nutcase of a mayor can blow millions more on rebranding parts of the surface rail network with woke names to parallel the Tube system. Not that you can get on a train if the drivers are always on strike.

With one bound

How to get the country out of recession? Easy. Just use someone else’s definition – there are a fair number around – which makes the problem go away.

Overboard

Over the top and a lot more. That’s my reaction to a picture of the couple with the baby whose birth certificate was defaced by having the word ‘Israel’ cancelled with a ballpoint pen by some snivel servant.
    Cancelling the infant’s face with pixellation strikes me as being equally daft. No one’s going to be able to identify the kid from what was on offer. But hey, it’s the rules.

Cunning

That’s the only way to describe the Israeli plan to attack Rafa in Gaza at the start of Ramadan, when the Moslem enemy should be fasting and praying, and therefore not up to doing much in the way of fighting.

Foul, Ref!

How come GB Views lets Headliners get away with the claim that the show offers a first look at the following day’s newspapers when Patrick Chrispy offered the front pages, and occasional stuff from the interior, half an hour earlier?

George In Danger!

Computers are everywhere now, which makes episodes of The Avengers that involve them, like George, a robot the bad guys were trying to ‘kill’, historical dramas. Almost something that could have been written by H.G. Wells.
    These stories are a billion miles away from The Avengers’ contemporaries in the late 1960s, the Star Trek gang.

Suggestions?

What we need is an alternative to ‘sufferers’ to describe people who have a medical condition which doesn’t cause suffering, e.g. the type 2 diabetes that a million people are suppose to have but be unaware of.

Bilious shade of the colour

The Green party seems to be doing its best to confirm its right to wear the Nasty Party mantle if it thinks freedom of speech includes a right for its member to libel Jews in Britain and threaten to kill them over some shindig in the Middle East.

On the way out

Growing food naturally looks like it’s doomed. If climate change doesn’t do for farming, the politicians and their silly green agenda look like doing the job.
    But no doubt they’ll be as happy as the rest of us if all we get to eat in the future is some mush stewed up in vast vats in laboratories around the country.
    That’s assuming all the politicos aren’t strung up by indignant voters when caught secretly feasting on real food.

Okay for some

The news media got lots of space fillers about the shambles in the Commons and the politicking over a meaningless vote on the Gaza war.
    Not much value for money for the British public who are paying for all the meaningless posturing.

Wet confusion

Platell Speople of the Daily Disaster has clearly never read Frank Herbert’s Dune sequence if she was wondering how an actress done up in a weird metallic get-up goes to the Ladies.
    On Arrakis, where water is a precious resource, everyone has tubes and catchment systems built in to their outfit and water is not casually evacuated.

All Change

We’re due to get episode 176 of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine on Thursday. Then it’s Mission Impossible in the 6 p.m. evening slot.
    The show must go on.
    Knight Rider & KITT to follow.

Bulletproof

Isn’t it great, being a dictator and able to steal anything you fancy and have anyone who objects murdered?

Creeping

Petrol and diesel prices are sneaking up relentlessly, a penny a push. Are we supposed to accept that this is because supply ships are taking 9 days longer to get here to avoid the Red Sea terrorists?
    Or is it just routine price-shifting ‘because they can’?

Simple Test

Is The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb (1964) a genuine Hammer film? Yes, Michael Ripper is in it. Although, he doesn’t last too long! There’s nearly as much knife crime in the film as in modern London.

Not bothered

The latest thing seems to be to try to get everyone in a panic because computer software can create human faces that look indistinguishable from real people.
    But if I’ve never heard of a lot of the people whose pictures decorate my newspapers and my TV screen; by deliberate choice, having better things to do; it doesn’t really matter to me.
    And not spending all that much time online turns out to be a good way of avoiding scammers with real or faked faces.

Wall to Wall Starmer

That’s what it felt like on Sunday when he was demanding his cease fire in Gaza at a Labour conference in Glasgow. The same clip on every news programme I saw.
    And those doing the programmes never seemed inclined to offer the obvious truth that no one in the Middle East is listening to anyone here, and it’s all just hot air.