NBCN (Not Before the Crack of Noon)

The great thing about not having to work any more is you can do daft things. Like staying up late on Monday nights to watch Monday Night Football matches which you didn’t see the first time around on ESPN. Like the Bears pulling off a shock overtime win against the Vikings, Brett Favre and all. With most of the ads and messing about cut out, so the match rattles along at a reasonable pace.

Like walking into a fancy art gallery and looking at the crap on the walls and knowing you could afford to buy all of it, have a bonfire and do the art world a bit of good without putting a noticeable crimp in your bank account.

Imagine my surprise when I actually saw something I liked about a fortnight after I moved into the redecorated mansion. Grossly overpriced, of course. So I made a point of getting in touch with the artist and offering him 37.5% of the asking price in cash in a padded envelope and not a word to his agent or the gallery. And he went for it. After some token scoffing at the deal. He even delivered the picture himself, all snugged up in bubblewrap with an outer layer of brown paper.

So I now have Sunrise Behind A Half-Open Barn Door installed where the fireplace used to be in the "exercise room". The previous owner had his and hers exercise bikes facing twin widescreen TVs in here, or so the estate agent told me. I've just got a lot of empty space until I think of something else to go in here as well as the picture.