Cheap talk, weasel words

Andy “Disaster Zone” Burnham’s promise to throw the kitchen sink at the Tories has been viewed as a cheap dig at failed Labour leader Eddie “Two Kitchens” Miliband. But it’s one which could come back to bite his ass, given Burnham’s own inclination for collecting kitchens. It was at least 3 at the last count: his main constituency home, his rented Parliamentary second home in London, which costs the taxpayer £1,500/month, and his nest-egg flat just a short stagger away, which he rents out for about £1,600/month.

Merkel’s mood music

British prime minister Dave “the Leader” Cameron visited Germany as part of his charm offensive ahead of a possible Brexit from the European Union. Chancellor Merkel told him:
    “When you are convinced of an idea, you cannot say that treaty change is totally impossible.”
Translation: “Dream on, Dave, we’re going to obstruct every move you make and, for all practical purposes, you’ll be banging your head against totally impossible.”

FIFA settles for second best

There’s a rumour going round that FIFA wanted Tony Blair for their next president but they had to settle for more Blatter. If you want to get started on a boycott of FIFA’s sponsors, the list starts with VISA, Coca-Cola, Hyundai, Nike, McDonald’s, Adidas and the dreaded Budweiser.

Poison Pill

Andy Burnham was health secretary during the period when patients were dying unnecessarily at Stafford Hospital and elsewhere thanks to New Labour’s policies, and boss of the Treasury when the economy went haywire in 2007/08 as a product of Gordon Brown’s financial policies. Sounds like he’s just the bloke to be the next Labour party leader!

Fabius, King of Twaddle

According to Laurent Fabius, the French foreign minister, “Britain joined a football club. They can’t now say in the middle of the match that they want to play rugby. It’s one or the other.”
    Total bollocks, of course. Britain joined the European Economic Community in 1973. What we are in now, 40 years later, is nothing like the old EEC. It’s certainly not the “football” it started off as, to use Mr. Fabius’ analogy. The guy is clearly talking out of his backside. But, hey! He’s a politician. And a French one.

Good News! There’s another James Bond book on the way

    “What-cha doin’ there, boy?” James Bond asked as he waddled out of the processing shed of the family chicken factory, brushing futilely at the grease stains on his once-white suit.
    “Mr Bond, the world needs saving again,” said the messenger.
    “Shoot!” said Bond. “Who’s that landing an airyplane on my private driveway?”
    “That’s Miss Pussy Galore, sir,” said the messenger. “She’s been revived for your latest mission.”
    James Bond’s fleshy features flowed into a radiant smile as he spotted the walking frame, which had deployed at the foot of the private jet’s steps. He watched a fragile yet intensely feminine figure totter down the steps and detach the walking frame, realizing what had been missing from his life for so long.

Could this be an extract from Trigger Mortis by Anthony Horowitz? Will he make Bond black to satisfy Hollywood? Will he do the same to Pussy Galore? Only time will tell.

Why does FIFA belong to the United States all of a sudden?

Apparently, officers of the Swiss-based organization have been using US banks in New York for their alleged nefarious going on and holding meetings there. which gives the FBI jurisdiction. Also, the Confederation of North, Central America and Carribean Association Football, which is linked to FIFA and to which most of the handcuffed honchos belong, is based in Miami. So the Feds have a double reason for getting the hump.