See how easily our problems are solved?

Greedy Bankers To Face Jail, read the headline in today’s Sunday Disaster.
    “If they make greed a criminal offence,” remarked one of the staff, “they’ll need 650 more prison places for MPs.”
    “What about Lord Mandelsleaze and Tony Blair and all the other fat-cat luvvies?” said one of the drivers.
    “What they need to do is round up everyone who’s grabbed in the last 20 years, especially Fred the Shred, and lock them up in a hanger on the Ark Royal.”
    “And tow it into the middle of the Atlantic and sink it?”
    “Right!”

The wonders of racialism

Labour MP Diane Abbot is allowed to get away with institutional racialism toward white people because 1. She’s a woman; 2. She’s from a group of non-white racial origin or aspirations (and therefore ineligible for racialism as of right); 3. She has a history of being allowed to get away with racialist remarks and so why should anyone start picking on her now? 4. She has a history of attention-seeking.

Something else to look out for!

Landowners with a fair number of trees on their property in my area have been warned to be on the lookout for rogue tree surgeons. It seems that when we get gales, as at the moment, these characters arrive on your doorstep with dire warnings of the havoc which can be caused by old, weak trees, and offer to do a survey of your trees at a very reasonable rate. The next thing you know, they want a few grand for felling several “unsafe” ones to give you “peace of mind”. Nice work if you can get it!

Don’t you wish he’d concentrate on something important?

Big laugh of the day, Dave the Leader of Britain being told off from all sides over his latest bit of control-freakery. He wants to ruin everything for Britain’s decent citizens by slapping a big tax on booze in the name of making people stop consuming quite so much. No worries about it being illegal under EU law, or that he’s taking cash out of the pockets of honest workers like the staff at the Mansion. No concern for the country’s really important problems. He just can’t resist the urge to do-goodery, which is the curse of all hack politicians.

Do as I say, not as I do?

I happened to see some WWE “wrestling” and there was a break in one of the ring dramas for a plug for the WWE’s anti-bullying campaign, which provoked general derision in the audience for an outfit which runs on institutional bullying – usually by a gang of 4 “superstars”, who spend more time posturing than actually doing anything resembling wrestling, and who are granted the right to do pretend beatings-up on everyone in the locker room without being ganged up on individually and having the crap beaten out of them with baseball bats. WWH for hypocrisy?

National treasure to national trash

It’s amusing to watch Sir David Attenborough being clobbered from all sides now that his story of cuddly polar bears has been outed as something filmed in a zoo rather than the work of a camera team working in the frozen North, which is soon to become the thawed north when the dreaded Global Warming gets it. It’s not quite on the same scale as a TV evangelist being caught with his pants down and the pockets full of cash stolen from his disciples. But it’s a start.

Well, I never did!

If you want to know the latest piece of totally daft research, look no further than the Daily Disaster. Today’s issue reveals that if you want to booze less, you should do your drinking when there’s no loud music playing. Presumably, people get reckless when they can’t hear themselves drinking. But in the absence of a din, they get embarrassed by the horrible slurping noises and don’t drink as much. No doubt it was taxpayer’s money which funded this latest revelation.