There has to be a catch . . .

There’s this ad on TV urging people to avoid 31 days of hangovers by Going Sober in October. I’ve just realized that the amount I normally drink lets me stay sober all the time and hangover-free. Which means that I do what this bunch of control freaks want in every month of the year. How very distressing!

Get more real

The NFL and the CFL have collected a deal of derision with their ‘unnecessary roughness’ penalties, which sound prissy and wimpish. I would like to suggest just plain ‘roughhousing’ as a much more manly and robust alternative.

Noses out!

An incompetent Scottish court plays politics over the prorogation of Parliament to stuff more cash into the pockets of lawyers. That’s what it looks like from here.

Drowned!

What’s the difference between smoked bacon from the butcher and what the supermarkets sell? The half-pint of water that gushes out of the supermarket pack gives you the best clue.

Unexplainable uselessness

I’m still wondering why Sky Sports can’t synchonize sound and picture when they do American football shows featuring talking heads, who are never saying what we’re hearing out of our TV speakers. It’s such a basic requirement, which was solved by the moving picture industry over a century ago. Which makes it rather baffling that it’s beyond present-day Sky’s capabilities.

Bad memory? More like terrible!

How much confidence can you have in a kicker who has to wear odd shoes so that he knows which foot to use to boot the ball? Like that bloke doing it for the Cleveland Browns.

Diversity denied

We keep hearing about the messes created by Third World countries, which are where our overseas aid is poured in to the pockets of spivs and despots. But why does the Second World never get a mention any more. Blatant discrimination.