Unwarranted expectations

I still can’t help thinking that a programme with ‘Strictly’ in its title should involve masked ladies in skimpy leather or rubber outfits going round whipping people. Which is probably why I never watch it; to avoid the disappointment of being disappointed by a lack of whippers-in.

Silly question

“If you can’t pay for your funeral . . . who will?” is says on the leaflet which fell out of my Sunday paper. But if you’re dead, you’re not going to be that bothered so why ask?

There was a highly unusual case of Midsomer Murders – The Silent Land – on last night. Only one murder for DCI Tom Barnaby to solve instead of the usual shower by some hissy git; until about 10 minutes to go. And both executions were clear cases of justifiable homicide.

Yeah, right!

Does anyone believe that former actor S. O’Connery was lucky not to be killed by Storm Dorian whilst he was hunkering in his storm-proof bunker on a Bahama island? There’s bollocks and there are stories like this.

So what?

We’re being told that if Theresa May had expelled Boris Johnson and the ERG from the Tory party for not doing what she wanted, they’d be out on their ears. Just what we need – another statement of the bleedin’ obvious about something that didn’t happen.

More wibble

Does anyone care that some people spend 500 days of their life travelling to and from work, as some stooge has calculated? And lots of others don’t, I suppose. Thought not.

Not credible

Is anyone going to buy a 10-foot eel instead of a plesiosaur as the Loch Ness monster, which is what the experts have come up with? Pur-lease!