It was the worst of times, all right!

Good grief. Who does our prime monster think he’s supposed to be? A cross of the worst elements of Tony B. Liar and Gordon Effin Broon? One minute, he’s trying to get us into yet another foreign war on the side of the Good ‘Ol US of A against Iran. The next, he’s promising billions of pounds, which we don’t have because Gordon Effin Broon spent us into bankruptcy, to prop up Greece and the euro. Is there a Lee Harvey Oswald in the house?

You just can’t win!

Just back from a summit conference in southern climes, where it’s a bit warmer than England after dark. Arriving back in the vicinity of the mansion, I was rather dismayed to see a big black cloud hovering over it. All around the horizon, it was blue sky, fluffy bits of white cloud and the sun shining. But a big black cloud where I live. Sometimes, you suspect the universe has got it in for you. A conclusion a guy living on my route home must have reached.
     I noticed, while waiting for traffic lights to change, that he had covered his roof in solar panels. I also noticed that they were in shade because the guy across the road had a Leylandii hedge that looked about 30-odd feet tall! So the guy with the solar panels won’t get much output from them for about 5 months of the year. But I don’t suppose the cowboy who installed the solar panels mentioned this slight problem at the time.

Rapid problem solving

Isn’t it funny how Gadaffiye’s killer offspring and their minions are dying like flies “of their injuries”? If you hear a funny noise in the background, it’s wailing and gnashing of teeth by members of the legal profession who have been done out of a round-the-world cruise through not being able to defend the scum of the Earth at the taxpayer’s expense.

Gone, or is he?

Was that Gadaffiy who was hauled out of a storm drain and blown away? Or was it one of his doubles, as for S. Hussein, A. Hitler and all the other fallen despots and sources of conspiracy theories? The Internet will be buzzing with more of them for years to come and, no doubt, a few banker are now rubbing their hands over loot which won't be claimed.

To Be, or Crushed?

An acquaintance of mine reckons a fairly reliable bent dealer has offered him a painting called “Still Life with Candlestick” by Fernand Leger, which was stolen from the Modern Art museum in Paris last year. He’s quite into early 20th century Modern Art, and he doesn’t seem bothered about buying something that was nicked, but he got very suspicious when he read in the papers that one of the thief’s accomplices destroyed the painting just before he was nicked. Which just goes to show, you can’t rely on bent art dealers to be honest with the customers, these days.

The dying art of knowing where to queue?

One of the staff reported a curious incident, which occurred in a big store the other day. He went up to the checkout in the food hall and paid for his “5 items or less”, then the young lady on the till pointed behind him and told him that, actually, that lady was before him. My staffer looked over his shoulder and saw no one. Then he realized that the cashier was pointing at a woman standing a good three yards from the till area.
    “Actually,” he said, “I did wonder about that, but then I thought that if she’s standing right over there, she can’t possibly be in a queue for your till.”
    To which neither of the women concerned had an answer.

I think, therefore I am!

Just back from a very relaxing holiday where they have no embarrassing poor people (including the staff, who are well paid). Catching up with real life in the Daily Disaster, I discovered some more fascinating things. Like you don’t need to take anabolic steroids to become hugely muscular and powerful, all you need to do is eat lots of mustard. But only if you’re a rat, I found later in the article. And right next to it was the news that having a wash is also a powerful emotional cleanser, so if you’re feeling down, have a good scrub and you’ll feel a whole lot better. Natch, there’s a down-side. Washing can also “remove the residual influence of an earlier positive experience”. So Life appears to give you a choice of being clean in the bad times and stinky when times are good!