More gender pollyticks

The Can’t Prosecute Service can now be accused of gaslighting when it calls a born-male killer ‘she’ in official documents.
    “Men’s crimes are not women’s crimes,” the campaigners are yelling. And the killer will end up in a male prison.

Nasty lot

Disruptive school kids are being accused of making secret recordings of teachers then using A.I gadgets to make fake videos of the teachers screaming abuse at them.

Cack-handed

The war on Iran will hit the UK harder than the other G7 nations, the OECD reckons. Why? Because of the bog Labour has made of ‘growing’ our economy since the middle of 2024.

A spot of good-sense news

The bunch running the Olympics have seen sense at last. The Games in L.A. will exclude biological males from female events. Blokes beating up women in boxing events in 2024 was one of the triggers.

Sludge-pumpers

Mucho mockery for the Cabinet Office minister (Labour) who has promised a sludge-busting crackdown on Labour’s consultation culture. There has been over one per day of Labour consultations as an alternative to doing something useful since Smarmer’s Army took office.

Loada dosh

What is the price of Smarmering up to the EFU? £700 million last year for absolutely Nett Zero benefit to us, and extensive cancellation of road repair and improvement plans inherited from the Tories.

More stop than dead slow

The boss of NS&I had been booted out over persistent foot-dragging, which has deprived relatives of customers who died of £476 million, according to the official guess.

Blameworthy

Thievin & Edstone are getting a good booting for driving up energy prices with green garbage and profiteering from tax on rising petrol prices.
    No danger of either being replaced by someone competent, though.

What day it is?

Oh, yes. April Fool’s Day. Cue Bier Smarmer contributing to the bleedin’ obvious by telling us this country’s future will be affected by the Iran war. Then the Fantasist saying financial relief will be on offer only to Labour voters.

All change back

Thailand is trying to repair its former image as a family friendly holiday destination by backing away from the cannabis free for all provided by a deposed regime.
    Medical use only now and the police are busting illegal users.

No Sale

Phone rings, mobile phone number, don’t recognize it.
    “Hello.”
    “I’m calling about your BT internet.” Female voice, Indian accent.
    “Oh, so you’re a scammer?”
    Connection broken, by her, on to the next target.

Catnapper

A delivery driver who strolled off with a West Yorkshire family’s cat may might maybe face gaol time!! The Pet Abduction Act (2024) applies to England and Northern Ireland. The penalty is up to 5 years in gaol and/or a fine.
    A light tap on the wrist with a Labour government working hard to keep its supporters out of gaol?

Reality check needed

Temperatures in March have been called ‘the most extreme heat event in the world climatic history’. Really? In the history of a planet that’s been around for billions of years? More extreme than the briefest Ice Age - a negative heat event? Come on!

Running riot

Clueless parents are getting the blame for over-active kids causing trouble in schools. The kids are getting too many energy drinks loaded with caffeine and sugary snacks. They lose concentration when the hit fades and run riot whilst it lasts, assaulting teachers without inhibition.

Extortionately grand

Never Here Bier, our Prime Fantasist, is averaging one hundred grand per jaunt for his trips abroad. Hus current total is £4.2 million and, at the same rate, it will be up to £14 million wasted by the middle of 2029. Another candidate for A.I-ship?

Not To Be

The juvenile doctors have decided to turn Easter into a 6-day break. Their pay review panel recommended a rise of 3.5% for them. They are still demanding 29%.

Censorship by the back door

Ofcom is getting a booting for taking the side of the climate criminals. Any broadcaster which lets a guest point out things like the CC are deliberately trying to create fake anxiety will be in trouble, and free speech will be banned if the CCs get their way.

A way forward?

Iran seems to have gone in for an A.Iatollah as its supreme leader. No sign of an actual person, just old video footage containing his obviously faked presence. Which sounds like rather a good idea.
    No need to pay the bloke and give him lavish expenses if he doesn’t actually exist.

All Change

The police are no longer allowed to waste time recording non-crime, non-events instead of investigating actual crime. Which means what? They’re going to carry on doing it but they’re going to have to come up with another name for it?

Net closure

Put’n the Poisoner has had the internet turned off in Moskva to prevent it from being used to track him down for assassination. He is also trying to be invisible, such is his fear of regime change.

Orwell’s Warning

The woke head of a secondary school in Greater Manchester is being allowed to remain anonymous and mockery free after ordering an A.I purge of the school’s library. The librarian was forced out of her job and her career, but the head is still in place.

Time to go

The tide has turned on emojis. A majority now think they are put in pointless text messages as an act of passive aggression by the sender. One symbol is no substitute for some words, and it’s now seen as lazy and rude.

Artificial is unreliable

Want to know how to bash someone to death? There’s an A.I gadget which will tell you the best weapon to use and how to lose the evidence.
    Unfortunately for a homicidal teen who murdered his mother, the A.I wasn’t much cop and he failed to get away with it. He’s now in gaol, nominally for life, but who knows for how long.

Multiple stars that mislead

Around 50% of all those on-line reviews of products and services are fakes, an investigation has found. Some are supportive puff from friends, others are attempted sabotage by rivals.
    Will there be more severe auditing? Or will the whole thing just go away?

Useful spin-off

It has been suggested that anyone who thinks Angular Rayner could do the job of PM should have their digital I.D decorated with a large ‘I’ to let people who have to interact with them know that they are dealing with a big Idiot.

Another customer

Ghana is after reparations for the slaves its ancestors rounded up and sold to Europeons centuries ago. So that’s another place to send a bill for £50 trillion for all the benefits of our civilization which they have received.

Marine fallout

Researchers harassing sharks off the Bahamas have found caffeine, cocaine and human-used pain-killers in their blood. Especially in areas where there are lots of supery-acht tourists. No signs of intoxication or damage to the sharks, though, so nothing much to worry about.

Another flop

Analysis of the effects of the ‘milkshake tax’ on sugar in drinks included in last year’s Budget has found that it will have Nett Zero impact on o’besity. In fact, it’s all about the money. No one surprised.

No news day

Can’t be anything going on anywhere if the BierBC makes the lead item on its lunchtime news the sacking of some bloke who used to be on Radio 2.
    Nothing said about what he’s supposed to have done, of course. That’s too top-secret for the customers to know.

No sense of urgency

It will take Guiding 18 months to reduce groups of Guides and Brownies to just biological girls following the ruling of the High Court about female safe places in April 2025.
    The feet will continue to be dragged until September of this year. If not a bit more than that.

Another no surprise

Anti-social meeja are designed to be addictive to maximize use and profits, a court in the US has ruled.
    Well, of course they are. And kids who aren’t monitored are going to get stuck on them for most of their day. As are adults with nothing useful to do.

Painful actuality

Has Bier Smarmer been ‘in power’ for nearly 2 years? Or is he sitting at the steering wheel not knowing how to switch the engine on whilst his left wingers are busy syphoning petrol out of the tank?

Wrong label

We might be in Summer Time but it doesn’t feel like summer. Especially in the Highlands of Scotland, where snow ploughs are still in use.

Nobody’s mate

The Israeli government has a real talent for making itself very unpopular. Their latest trick is upsetting the Christians in Jerusalem by preventing them from celebrating Palm Sunday with their usual parade and church mass.

Special exemption

The Fantasist of the Exchequer is giving the Competition and Markets Authority powers to detect and crack down on price-gouging during this latest financial crisis.
    The new powers will exclude Fantasists who are collecting billions from VAT and windfall taxes on energy companies.

No bam, no boozle

Can Bier Smarmer find a lawyer to get him off the hook for lying to the nation?
    He claimed that vetting Lord Petey for the job of US ambassodor was done according to full due process.
    Which means ‘on the record’ for everything, not just on the phone which his minion conveniently managed to lose.

And up

Petrol now 155.9p/litre, diesel now 186p/litre. Even more VAT for Thievin to pass on to Labour’s benefits clients.

Come on!

Are we really expected to believe that over 500,000 Lefties were marching through London yesterday to protest against the imaginary threat from the far-Right? Yet another case of over-active imagination.

No need to panic

HMS Dragon reached Cyprus some three weeks after a solitary Iranian drone hit the RAF base there. Since that single bang, nothing. Clearly, the mere threat of a Britisch presence in the Med was sufficient to intimidate the bad guys into shooting their missles elsewhere.

No need to worry

Why is the postal system not working for letters? Because office managers are getting their minions to drive unsorted letters around to create an impression that delivery targets are being met.The current owner of the Royal Mail, a Czech billionaire, thinks the late delivery of letters is not satisfactory but not catastrophic.And accusations from MPs about giving priority to money-generating parcels in competition with private sector rivals are just water off a duck’s back to him.

No surprise

Sickfluenzers are using A.I systems to help people come up with a set of symptoms that will let them claim benefits to the max.
    A government spokes, Hook Aires, had nothing to say about what, if anything, is being done to end abuse of the system.

More delay

The disastrous H2S train link between London and wherever has hit another problem. Someone has just realized, 19 years after the fiasco started, that the railway tracks here are not engineered for speeds in excess of 200 mph.
    Thus a new top speed needs to be agreed and the Lower Speed Train will take 5 minutes longer to get to Brum on a good day.

The urge to say something

Iran has boasted of having targeted a US aircraft carrier with cruise missles. “Did you actually hit it?” Silence.

On the way out

A lack of stamina in young people is being blamed for the decline of the night club trade. Over 60% of youngies find their day so exhausting that a night in with a delivered meal is their favoured choice.
    Some doombuggers are predicting that the club scene could be extinct by 2029, especially if the Fantasist of the Exchequer gets even cuter with her taxes.

Salvation on the way?

A brand of gene-edited barley is up for approval as cattle food. It is claimed to reduce the time needed to fatten up livestock and reduce their output of the greenhouse gas methane by 15%,
    Which will save the world from Gorbal Warmage. Right.

Yep, it works

How do you get asylum here by claiming to be a homosexualist? Don’t tell the assessment panel about the wife and kids whom you abandoned in Cameroon.

Shamefully Discriminatory

How strange that there wasn’t about 10 minutes of trigger warnings before last night’s episode of The Invaders on the Legend channel.
    In it, African American characters were claiming people of their skin hue are superior to those of a lighter shade. Something wokes will buy and sod the real people in the audience?
    Blatant rachelism is okay if white people are on the receiving end of it?

No sense of direction

The newly elected green grotter MP for Gorton & Gaza is being mocked for posting a video claiming to show her walking to work. Why?
    Because she’s walking along the Thames in a direction away from the Palace of Westmonster.

Universally unconvincing

Are we reassured by being told by the housing minister that dwellings in the south of England are in no danger from Iranian missles? And Israel is exaggerating the threat for its own devious purposes?
    Probably no more reassured than if whoever is the defence minister told us this, given the general quality of Smarmer’s Army.

Not helping

Argos is being booted for creating a wooden toy influenzer kit which lets kids as young as two pretend to take selfies and make self-promoting videos.
    It’s something which a charity advocating a phone-free childhood thinks is dangerous to mental ’elf and acquiring relationship-building skills.

Not a total game-changer

A study of clinical trials of fat-jabs has found that 10% of the customers are ‘non responders’, who don’t lose a significant amount of weight.
    O’besity, the experts say, has multiple causes and fat-jabs address just one of them.

Asking for it

If you sit next to President Thump, you have to be prepared to be dropped right in it. Like his self-proclaimed war minister, Petey Hegseth, who found himself getting the blame for suggesting an attack on Iran to President Thump and starting all the current bother.

How convenient

Cover-up Bier is at it again. His former chief of staff’s text messages to the Mandelsleaze have disappeared mysteriously thanks to a convenient phone theft. Bier is getting no mercy from the mockers over this latest gap in the promised Mandelsleaze Revelations.

Another scandal

How do you do 5 days’ work in 4 days for 5 days’ pay? 10% of the snivel service are using a scam called compressed hours arrangements.
    Which is what? Travel time, tea breaks and a lunch break all classed as work hours to make up the required number?

A matter of interpretation

Another could, maybe might is on offer from some historians. After seeing off the King of Norway at Stamford Bridge in 1066, King Harold’s army might not have spent 3 days marching south to face the Normans at Battle, near Hastings.
    The army might have sailed aboard Harold’s fleet to the south coast to face these invaders. Or not.

Old and shifty image

Like water off a duck’s back – that’s President Thump’s lack of reaction to the mockery following the US Mint putting him on a 3" diameter gold coin marking 200 years of US independence.
    Interestingly, the eyes of the figure on the coin are downcast rather than staring straight ahead and confronting the onlooker, as in the original photograph on which the design is based. This makes Mr. Thump look old, lonely and miserable; certainly not at all happy with where he is.

The moron premium grows

Thievin Reeves is getting well-deserved a good booting for spending like the proverbial drunken sailor in February and turning this month’s financial crisis into a government borrowing disaster.
    She now has the UK borrowing; and paying interest on; even more foreign cash than her hero Gordon F. Broon.

One for the record books

One of our wonderful judges has decided that a criminal from Nepal can’t be sent back there because he wouldn’t take his medication and he would become a danger to society . . . in Nepal. Isn’t that a problem for the authorities there to tackle? Or has Smarmer’s Army turned the UK into the world’s involuntary nanny and cess pit for criminals?

Minor consideration

Will holidaymakers be bovvered by soaring costs and cancelled flights this summer? Nope. They’ll be too busy spending their holiday money on coping with rampant inflation.

Another waste of time

One of them surveys is claiming that the average Brit gets 6 hours and 27 minutes of sleep per night.
    But so what?
    The 60-odd million people living here are an incredibly diverse lot as far as their sleep requirements and achievements are concerned. And this number is meaningless to most of them.

Having it all ways

President Thump still thinks he can bash NATO. He didn’t tell his ‘allies’ that Israel was about to start a war. Israel and the US started shooting. Then Thump got fruity about NATO not being there when the shooting started. Dodgy crystal ball, or what?

Abandon hope

The doombuggers are already condemning us to an economic tsunami, which will be particularly devastating here with a useless Labour government and a Fantasist instead of a competent Chancellor.
    And if she makes any more noises about a recovery this year, we’ll have the doombuggers’ go-ahead to drown her out with yells of “Liar!”

Another Labour swindle

Bier Smarmer’s Brexit betrayal will mean shovelling billions of pounds into the EFU’s fraudsters’ paradise of the aid fund which is used to bribe the minor members.
    That’s the price of being at the mercy of the EFU’s price-rigging and red tape.

Desperate change

How desperate can you get? Nepal has raised the bar by electing a party with an anti-corruption manifesto and a rapper as its leader. The old regime was mired in decades of corruption. The new lot hasn’t been around long enough to get there. Yet.

Disempowerment

Why is Put’n’s pal President Thump threatening Iran’s power stations? On the advice of his warfare advisor? So that Put’n can blag the contracts for rebuilding them?
    Thump’s blockade of Cuba has put the lights out there without the destruction of Put’n’s assault on Ukraine. But it’s not something that can be applied to Iran.

Flower miles

The global warming fraudsters have another cause: they have got it in for Valentine’s Day and other earners for the cut flowers market due to the carbon footprint of imported blooms.
    But cutting down on imports could maybe might do growers in the UK a bit of good. Something to keep an eye on.

Operation Continuous Fail

Bier Smarmer is being mocked for having a cover-up culture that doesn’t work. He managed to keep the failed Iranian missle strike at Diego Garcia quiet only for just over one day.

Something else to uninvent

GP inaccessibility is getting the blame for the online market for testing kids for the likes of food allergies. Such tests can cost as much as £200 and have Nett Zero clinical value.
    Online influenzers are also playing their part in making people unhealthier rather than the reverse.

Provenance punctured

The wildlife conservationists are not amused by a current A.I pastime. They feel their causes are damaged by the practice of sticking images of dolphins and sharks into pictures of rivers and harbours, and images of foxes into city-centre pictures.
    But they are stuck with the problem of uninventing A.I if they want to stop the fakes.

Security measure

Scotland plans to ban the use of barbeques in the countryside as a means of reducing the fire damage to land and wildlife caused by careless campers. The first step will start in the Cairngorms next month with a £500 fine for those who ignore it and get caught. Which could be a problem in wide-open spaces.

Pointless panic

Are we a target for the Iranian missles of the sort that failed to get to the UK/US airbase on Diego Garcia? Only if we believe the Europeon countries under the flight path would just let the missles fly through their airspace instead of shooting them down as a sensible precaution.
    Let us not forget that one of the missles fired at Diego Garcia got only half-way there before it dived into the sea. Are our Europeon neighbours just going to sit back and hope there are no drop-shorts when whoever’s the Ayabuncha Tollycommas opens fire on us?

Half Wit

It has been pointed out by rather a lot of people that Edstone Milipede claimed we need home-grown clean power we can control. But he failed to admit that he can’t make the wind blow at the right speed for his Chinese-made turbines when the demand is there, and he can’t make the sun shine on solar panels by wafting away clouds. Especially not at night.

Gesture Polyticks

Will Princess Fergiana be distressed by losing her Freedom of the City of York? As she’s not likely to go there, she’s unlikely to notice the loss.

Good at it

President Thump and the Iranians seem to be in a contest to find out who can fake the fakest news; along with claiming a victory for their side in their little war.

Another no can do

The UK Health Security Agency was created after the Chinese plague grotted all over us ‘to keep all our communities safe’. It’s getting a huge booting over its miserably slow response to the Kent meningitis outbreak, and the failure of its minions to answer what was supposed to be its phone number.

Even more of our cash down the drain

Another Labour Betrayal – After buying out the Chinese presence here for billions, no more manufacture of virgin steel as part of the Milipede Nett Zero scam. Just recycling scrap using electric arc furnaces. Virgin steel from China in future.

Be warned

Customers are advised to stock up on HotX buns as this government is liable to ban them before next Easter as part of its faux blasphemy strategy.

Rare Event!

Labour’s 37th U-turn has turned out to be a Good Thing. The plan to force creative people to have to opt out of having their copyrights stolen by Big Tech A.I companies has been binned.
    Of course, Smarmer’s Army doesn’t have a plan for the A.I problem, but more booting could, maybe night get to paid-for licences that Big Tech has to buy.

New week, new price

Esso wants 149.9p/litre for petrol and 173.9p/litre for diesel today, up 2p/litre for both of them compared to yesterday.
    Still no sign of the fast clean & cheap power for the electric vehicle chargers; a claim that is full of lies. It won’t be clean if the electricity is generated using Chinese kit made by hi-carbon processes, and it deferably WILL NOT be cheap with a Labour government swindling us.

Sounds fair

Another snap poll related to that bill for £50 trillion which we should dump on Nigeria in response to their president’s demand for 5 trillion quid as reparations from us gave the following result:
    Our demand should be positioned as just a first installment of what they owe us for receiving the benefits of our civilization, with the same to follow if their demands for cash from us don’t stop.

Not sold

Snap poll: No one thinks the Daily Disaster’s ‘astonishing’ and ‘extraordinary’ picture of Prince Andrew and Petey (in bath robes) having coffee with the dead Epstein is either of these things.

A lot of it about

The A-Team are really good at blasting off thousands of rounds of ammo at bad guys without hitting any of them. Looks like Dempsey & Makepeace are out of the same box.
    Still, it makes the episode a bit longer than 10 minutes if they can’t shoot straight.

Some winners

Europe, the US and the Far East are enjoying a surge in holiday bookings with Dubai and its neighbours bogged down in Israel’s war with Iran.

Another get out of that

So much for claims of integration: 40% of Moslems living here in the UK support Iran.

Quality decline

Crumbs! A survey is claiming that 50% of the public trust the BierBC less than they did a decade ago. Which is not as bad as the loss of trust for the Labour party; down 61%; which is more or less double the trust lost by the snivel service.
    Value for money with regard to the amounts extracted by the licence fee and taxation is the ishue for the BierBC and Labour.

Tough luck, comrades

The minions working for the doctors’ union are going on strike because they have been offered a miserable below-inflation pay rise despite the BMA having millions in the bank.
    The union bosses say they can’t afford to pay more. The staff, members of the boilermakers’ union, will walk out for just two days rather than the five days off favoured by juvenile doctors.

Attention-getter

Oh, dear. Reform UK is offering a lottery with the winner’s energy bills paid for a year and their opponents can’t do anything about it.
    Why? Because we’re outside an election cycle and the lottery can’t be called a criminal attempt at bribery.

Ruthless Reform

Reform UK’s latest vote-catcher is almost zero rises in council tax in their domains funded by tackling the scandal of excessive public sector pensions. Something which has been proven to work, they say.

Bad underwriting

Something else the doombuggers are warning us about is a collapse of the banking system like the one that was allowed to happen in 2008, when the sub-prime mortgage scam in the Untied States hit the fan.
    Banks are currently overexposed to the shadow sector’s private equity and hedge fundamentalists, which are rocking under the impact of the Iran war and a UseLEZ Labour government.

Waffleburger

Bier Smarmer has announced that he will not get us involved in any military action which Iran might find offensive. Exactly who in the evil Ayatollocrazy is being consulted on what constitutes offence remains a state secret.

A rip that’s even further off

Petrol 147.9p/litre, diesel 171.9p/litre today. Which is still dead cheap, one of my correspondents has pointed out. When his local BP petrol station was taken over by Esso, back in 2022, the fuel prices were 189.9p/litre for petrol and 199.9p/litre for diesel.
    Towards the end of 2024. Esso installed a set of chargers for electric vehicles. There’s still a big notice up on the forecourt announcing that they will be available SOON.
    Clearly a definition of the word not available to the rest of us.

Not nice people

A big loser in the aftermath of the Iran war is likely to be Dubai. The regime there has shown itself to be as oppressive as those in Iran, Put’nstan and China. Not a happy tourist paradise at all.

Questions

Is it time to abolish Questions to the PM if we have one who doesn’t answer them?
    And is it time to get a new Commons Squeaker if the one we have lets Bier get away with it?

Drop in the ocean

Bier Smarmer’s bail-out of people who have seen the price of heating oil double is getting a raspberry response. Especially as it will go to just the bare minimum of the 1.5 million using oil.
    Just those on benefits will get a sub and there’s nothing on offer for those who use other forms of heating. Even though the Fantasist of the Exchequer will be copping for over £90 zillion in windfall tax due to energy price rises.

The perfect fit

The mob searching the skies for exoplanets have found one with its atmosphere loaded with hydrogen sulphide. This is being offered as a triumph for diversity. But not somewhere astronauts would like to visit because of the smell of rotten eggs.
    Which kind of ignores the fact that someone in a space suit wouldn’t be exposed to it.
    Still, it sounds like a great place to send that stinker Edstone Milipede as Earth’s ambassodor.

Not really helping

Our Fantasist of the Exchequer has a case of Smarmer’s Disease if she thinks the thing to do with a flatlining economy if to put it even more at the mercy of the EFU, which will send it into a lemming plunge.

Non-event

The Daily Disaster was on a loser if it hoped to upset us with the news that Neatflix did a brutal purge on Mhegan the Muciloid. Who cares?

Absence of sense

What do you get from a council run by a minority of green grotters? A plan to put 3,500 houses at a spot where 3 counties meet at a site ruled ‘inadequate for development’ by the grotters themselves.
    It’s a flood plain and there’s very little in the way of public transport and the Heritage Industry will be up in arms.

Be warned

It is not a good idea to shake hands with that bloke Hegseth, the self-styled US Secretary of War, if you’re not wearing rubber gloves. He hasn’t washed his hands properly for a decade as he reckons them germs ain’t a real thing.

Oh, dear, Bier

Our lumpen Prime Fantasist claims he wants to ease the impact of soaring oil prices on squeezed people here. But he can’t. Why? ’Coz Edstone Milipede won’t let him get more from our North Sea reserves and there’s nowt Smarmer can do about it.

Goes around

Pres. Thump has called the rest of NATO a bunch of do-littles. So what do the rotters do after not being told Thump was about to start a war? They use this as an excuse for not sending any warships to help him open the Strait of Hormuz to oil tankers.

Truth sandwich

Israel is waging a war of words with Iran’s new supreme leader, who is in hiding and possibly in a battered condition. Israeli Intelligence is letting it be known that they know exactly where he is. Meanwhile, Iran is denying rumours that he’s in hospital in Put’nstan and claiming that Mr. Ne10yahoo is dead.

Rethink

Another well-worn adage has been busted by the experts. No, opposites don’t attract. People really want someone who is very similar to themself as that type of person is less likely to cheat on them, having the same values and goals.

Don’t call us

Should we be swanning around the world, sorting out every spot of trouble bloody foreigners get in to? We’ve given them centuries of our time and our civilization. What have we ever had in return? Not even a word of thanks. Just demands for compenbluddysation for the slave trade, which the British Navy ended at great cost of British lives. Sod the lot of them, ungrateful bastards. That should be our message.

Another alibi on offer

Why won’t Labour get even close to its target of 5 billion new houses by 2029; or whatever? Israel’s attack on Iran has shoved the cost of bricks and mortar through the roof. And inflation means no one can afford to buy them anyway.

Words Explained

Womansplaining: Seldom heard as, unlike men, females tend to keep what they know to themselves to avoid losing power and status to others. Unless their knowledge is essentially worthless (see Influenzer).

Nowt to do with us, Gov

One single, solitary Iranian drone hits the RAF base on Cyprus. Is that a reason to send a British battleship? (if we had one) Cyprus now has its independence; apart from the bit the Turks occupied illegally in 1974. If it rejected Britisch rule in 1960, it must live with the consequences as we now owe it nothing.

Laboured crawl

HMS Dragon is seen to be dragging its keel on the voyage to Cyprus in response to a single Iranian drone after cramming six weeks of repairs into so many days. A stopover in Gibraltar and chugging along at 13 knots means the destroyer won’t arrive off Cyprus until next week.
    To do what?

Tell ’em anything

How desperate can you get? G. Adams claiming that if comedian Benny Hill wore a black beret in sketches, that proves Adams wasn’t the boss of the IRA.
    Lots of Frenchmen also wear a black beret. But there’s no film of them marching around with IRA terrorists. Or of Mr. Hill doing it. Benny Hill also wore glasses with his beret but for some reason, that wasn’t mentioned.

Be advised

What the meeja call Astronomical Spring starts today. That’s spring based on where The Planet is in its orbit around The Sun as opposed to Meteorological Spring, which is used by weather persons who can’t handle the concept of a season starting three weeks into this month.

Familiar kit

There’s economy for you. Last night, the A-Team were dressed in the same green overalls that Quinn Martin bought for his ordinary drudge alien Invaders from a dying planet.

Internal disintegration

There’s an interesting theory floating around about Iran’s military and the KGB-equivalent Revolutionary Guards: that they are falling apart. Why? Because no one is being paid. No cash, no pension, no nothing.
    No incentive to do anything but try to stay alive at a time when officers and NCOs are killing their own troops for disobedience at a rate which is around the death toll of Put’n’s soldiers in Ukraine at the hands of their own officers.

Growth areas

One of them there polls would have us believe that over half of Brits expect World War 3 to start in the next decade. Cue a surge in the bunker-building and survivalist industries? Only if they can persuade their customers that there will be anything worth having left after the bad guys have nuked Britain to bitz.

Spot the difference

Apparently, Iran is launching kamikaze drones at its neighbours as well as suicide drones. No pix are on offer at the moment to let those on the receiving end know which type is incoming.

Be Advised

The following programme will contain attitudes which have been replaced by inferior woke BS in some areas, and it was made at a time when discrimination against the repulsive or merely unwanted, and free choice, were permitted.

Not for our benefit

Put’nstan is hoping to get something out of Bier Smarmer’s shameful Chagos surrender and betrayal. No one surprised.
    This is seen as a manifestation of the suicidal empathy which the looney Lefties in charge here have for the rest of the world, and which is making the UK fall apart.
    The interests of foreigners always have to trump those of the native Britisch, especially when looney Left lawyers are involved.

Very selective

President MacRon of France can send warships to Cyprus, which has been hit by one solitary Iranian drone. But he can’t stop illegals zooming out to the mid-Channel taxi service to our south coast no matter how many hundreds of millions of our money that our wonderful Labour government throws at him.
    And Bier isn’t asking very pointed questions about this.

Tanked

The Office for Notional Sadistics has been obliged to report that in January, the Fantasist of the Exchequer turned the corner that took the economy into a state of flatline.
    Negative growth to follow. Labour’s think-tankers think that higher income tax is a brilliant fix as we can’t afford any more borrowing to waste by the Fantasist.

Panic now!

What is the latest from the doombuggers? Petrol rationing and medicine shortages and the need for stockpiling.

One back at yer

If Nigeria thinks it is entitled to 5 trillion quid as reparations from Britain, how should we respond? How about giving them a bill for £50 trillion as a ‘benefits of our civilization’ payment?
    Sounds fair.

Persecuted educators

The head teachers’ union is trying to get the government to do something about stroppy parents, who are ruining the mental ’elf of teachers with their abusive complaining.
    Nobody is too optimistic that anything will be done, though.

Prime zombie

President Thump just doesn’t get it. When he asks our Prime Fantasist to do something, Bier tells him he’ll have to ask his team.
    But you’re the effing PM, sez Thump. You should make the decision, pal.
    What he doesn’t realize is that Bier is just a helpless puppet  with no idea what’s going on, just a robotic mouthpiece for his puppet-masters.

Today’s Question

How come Edstone Milipede isn’t being booted from John O’Groats to Land’s End and back again for depriving us of our domestic oil and gas reserves when world prices are going crazy?

Future strange

The Food Standards Agency expects 3D printing technology to be used for foods in a decade or so. Examples include printed items made from chocolate and mashed potato production.
    Also on the way, food items grown from plant or animal cells, and edible insects. Yukkkk!

File under ‘WK’ for We Know

It seems quite clear now that Bier Smarmer is just a lawyer who spouts whatever his puppet-masters give him to say. And if it’s lies, he’s quite prepared to drone out some other lies if they are fed to him.

Plainly prethetic

The best attention-getter that the failed tax-dodger Angular Robot can come up with is to call getting rid of undesirable illegals ‘unBritisch’.

Scenario Complicated And Meaningless

No surprise that the claims that Scotland can be turned into a giant vacuum cleaner for the world’s greenhouse gases has been exposed as just greenwash. It’s all about making money out of carbon credits with Nett Zero effect on the global climate.

Don’t damage the vote

Labour councils in the North of England are ordering schools to prevent children from drawing pictures of Jesus in case it upsets Moslems (and denies Labour their votes?).
    Bang goes the Nativity on bogus blasphemy grounds. And Easter and HotX buns. Dance classes which needlessly conflict with religious values are also banned.
    And mixed sports and swimming.

Distorted world view

It’s even worse than we suspected. Scotland’s SNP Milipede eejits want a total ban on tourism as all the sheet-washing and cleaning involved adds to Scotland’s insignificant on a global scale carbon footprint.

Some threat

The polis of the Metrolopis have given the big tech pocket phone firms until July to install a kill switch, which can be activated to turn a stolen phone into an unuseable brick.
    But what’s the ‘or else? A threat of legislation, which will take how many years for this government to pass? Especially if it’s the Home Sec. in charge of the Bill.

Nett Zero BS

Edstone Milipede’s alibi that oil and gas prices are set internationally conveniently ignores the fact that anything recovered from our off-shore reserves doesn’t incur the cost of shipping it vast distances around The Planet.
    But honesty is definitely the last thing you expect from a Labour fantasist like Red Ed.

Nett Zero intelligence

Are the powers that be in Scotland as away with the fairies as the ones south of the border? If they can reject a plan to let a flat near Edinburgh airport for holidays because it might, maybe add to climate change, there can be only one answer.
    “Yes, they are if they think it will encourage people to fly half-way round the world to Scotland to spend their holiday cash.”
    The sheer volume of denials that bogus climate concerns are at the back of the decision just confirms the conclusion above.

Too tall for the police to tackle

What’s a good way for attention-seeking migrants to get their wish? Riding around the centre of Manchester, pretending to be Mounties, worked for a couple of them when supporters of Iranian terrorists and their opponents were out on the streets at the weekend just gone. Totally ignored by the cops.

Up More

Petrol 145.9p/litre, diesel 165.9p/litre today.

Epic fail

Were we astonished by a 25-year-old picture of Prince Andrew and Petey, in bathrobe wraps, sitting at a patio table with that Epstein bloke? Not even slightly. Is the photo sensational? Not even a little bit. It just shows a bit of routine freeloading by two blokes who could get away with it. Yawn, Daily Disaster.
    A display of twerpish hysteria is by far the best way in the world to demolish credibility.

In a graveyard of political careers

All in all, our present Home Sec. is turning out to be as big a duck egg as anyone else churned out by Labour.
    Vast bribes to illegals to sod off, letting Havering Council ban a traditional Boy Scouts’ St. George’s Day march in Romford, ‘reforms’ which will take years to come into effect; if at all.
    Wot next?

No favour done

Events are bludgeoning the grasping Fantasist of the Exchequer. Her fuel duty hike is under threat from the Middle East war. But, no doubt, some other scam is on the way via the back door to let Labour continue to tax ‘n’ waste.

Situation normal

Bier Smarmer has been mooched again by President Thump for being useless. Smarmer fails to notice as he’s too busy with the third-tier cover-up of the Mandelsleaze scandal.

Paradise? Not.

Fall-out from the war – we’re being told that the regime in the United Arab Emirates is every bit as repressive as the one in Iran. Posturing, oppressive policing and casual torture and murder abound. Which is why the influenzers in Dubai are pretending there’s nothing dangerous going on there despite the Iranian attacks.

File under ‘W’ for Wrong

A big chunk of the UK’s Foreign Aid budget isn’t going on fraud and waste abroad. One-fifth is being blown here on housing migrants, legal and illegal.
    This is double or triple the amount spent by comparable countries, suggesting that the fraud and waste is still going on at the usual rate.

Double think

The Downing Street Mafiosi are assuring us that the double the going rate secret pay-off to Lord Petie wasn’t hush money and an abuse of the taxpayer. But they want him to give the money to charity as a gesture which will make everything okay again.
    Except for the abuse of the taxpayer, of course.
p.s. Sir Oily of the F.O. thinks it was good value for money, which makes everything okay.

One from the Belated Bin

Want to do something really daft? How about taking a bloke who blurts out vile and offensive stuff to an awards do that will be on TV and parking him in the audience without a gag?

Absent Intelligence

Bier Smarmer claimed that new A.I technology would pump £47 billion per year into the Britisch economy and there were companies willing to make multi-billion-pound investments here.
    A year or so later, this has been exposed as a fantasy. No new data centres, no $47B/year. Unbovvered, Bier will unveil another A.I fantasy next month. One that will cost us £500 million. No information is on offer about where the money will come from.

Bury it in a deep tranche

The government is busy with a cover up of the cover up of who knew what about the Mandelsleaze ambassodorship scandal. A cover up of the cover up of the cover up to follow?

Unnecessary plague

Health officials in London are making noises about banning kids who haven’t had a measles jab from their school in response to a worrying rise in cases.

Cute trick

The government is making threatening noises at energy companies over profiteering from the crazy prices caused by the Iran war as a distraction from its own record for making our energy overpriced and way above Europeon levels.

Reject schmeducation

Young people, a survey has shown, are finding that getting to a six-figure salery is aided better by learning a trade than by doing a university degree course.
    And there’s no monster student loan hanging over them when they start earning serious dosh.

Observation from afar

Despite the threat to the entire country from a rally of A.I Kuds on Saturday, London appears to be still there. Keeping them sarf of the river and their enemies on the northern side seems to have worked.

Collateral damage

800 Arabs killed in South Lebanon by the bombing campaign, 800,000 displaced northwards from blasted to bitz homes.

Bonkers of the total sort

The Bonkers of England is getting set to abandon pictures of worthy ancestors on banknotes. Animals are the coming thing. Cue the slow otter or the distressed newt next? This step in favour of wrong-headed wokery will avoid cats and dogs and other household pets to reduce arguments.

Even less lor an’ orda

Even Labour MPs are warning that the Smarmer obsession with making Islamophobia (or whatever) a hanging offence will have an adverse effect on policing. That it will divert coppers even more from doing their job of tackling crime in favour of more non-crime, non-event BS.

When in doubt, cheat

What’s a good way to bypass Parliament? Get a People’s Panel to do the government’s bogus public consultation. That’s a gang of stooges picked by . . . the government. Surprise everywhere when they deliver exactly what the government told them to!

On the agenda?

Why is Bier Smarmer so eater to push a compulsory digital I.D for everyone? One reason is that it will make it easier for people to claim benfits; an obvious attempt to buy support for Labour with other people’s money. The system could also be used to demand personal information backed by a threat to cancel the I.D if the data is not forthcoming.

Rip definitely ‘in the direction of off’

Petrol locally 143.9p per litre, diesel 161.9p. Neck-breakingly quick to go up, snail on tranquillizers to go down.

Stay put, it makes sense

The prudent will be taking a staycastion this year, some experts are predicting. They will be ripped off by the cost of fuel to get to somewhere else in the UK, but not to the extent that they would have been if they had chosen to fly abroad with jet fuel at crazy levels.    Our politicians, however, will not be affected by this as they have millions of mugs paying their travel-junket costs.

The name’s the clue

Our wonderful government is letting one-quarter of non-EFU migrants claim Universal Credit instead of being self-suporting and making a positive contribution to the UK.
    Maybe the problem is in the name – the snivel servants who dish it out so freely think everyone has a ’uman bluddy right to it.

Today’s Question

‘This is a watching brief’. Is there a ‘watching length’ for those with a greater attention span?

Today’s Wisdom

International law is made for the enrichment of lawyers and the guidance of fools.

Quick rewrite

Someone who pointed out that a quarter of the countries that signed up to Pres. trumPut’n’s Board of Peace are now involved in wars is suggesting it should be renamed ‘Bored of Peace’.

Static buzz from a static hate rally

The Home Sec has been foiled by the supporters of the homicidal Iranian regime. She has no power to ban their march if they don’t actually do any marching. They can gather somewhere and yell their little heads off, but they must remain stationary to get away with it.

Vowel confusion

When Labour talks about tranches of documents, does that really mean the trenches where the ashes of the Mandelsleaze papers which have been disappeared are buried?

Real or imaginary?

One of my correspondents is working on building a collection of weird events into what is now a rather long short story. I was reminded of this when I read that a NHS hospice in Norwich has felt obliged to consult an exorcist over paranormal events reported by staff members.

Stroppy setback

Bier Smarmer’s stroppy Cabinet ‘colleagues’ are refusing to hand over customer data needed for his digital I.D for all scam. A government spokes said: “Digital I.D will make everyday life easier for people” and failed to add: “to be abused by a Labour government.”

Dodgy topic evaded

Never mind ‘don’t mention the war’, it was ‘don’t mention the Epstein’ when Bier Smarmer was making the Mandelsleaze his US ambassodor. Mainly because Bier saw no reason to interview Lord Petey for the job himself. It was something for the minions to do. And how about that double-bubble pay-off when Lord Petey got the push?
p.s. Pots & kettles; Bier the liar accusing Pete of doing it too.

The danger of vapes

Historic Glasgow is vanishing, obliterated by what should have been avoidable major fires. The latest, which destroyed a Victorian building with ground-level shops, and closed next-door Glasgow Central Station, is being blamed on a vape shop.
    Lithium batteries on a charger went up in flames, like they do, and turned the five-story building into rubble.

More burrocrazy

The government is trying to sneak in an EFU ban on popular snack names, such as ‘bacon-flavour crisps’ that have Nett Zero bacon content. Mainly vegetarian imitations of omnivore foods will be affected. At first.
● A government spokes attempted to do a ‘not us, Gov’ routine but was totally unconvincing.

Another deal

Okay, now we know what Put’n the Poisoner and his American mate were yakking about on the phone for an hour. Put’nstan is taking over Iran’s oil customers.
    Good news for Ukraine. Not.

Selective protection

The government seems to have given up on the junk word Islamophobia in pursuit of its campaign for a blasphemy law by the back door, which is all about Labour bidding for the Moslem vote and discriminating against the Britisch people it hates. We now have ‘anti-Moslem hostility’ instead.
    No other religion can expect this extension of laws aimed at restricting free speech and our ’uman bluddy right to disapprove of a concept and its practices. And no messing about and time wasting with passing new laws is needed if existing ones were to be enforced.

A modicum of truth

A government report has put the skids under those on the Left who pretend there are no ‘social silos’ where the inhabitants ignore our Britisch way of life.
    This is due to importing too many migrants who are not prepared to accept our language and customs, and expect us to go along with behaviour which is against the law or just common decency.
    Something which New Labour thought was a cute trick to play on their political opponents here.

Drain, dosh down, the usual

The Home Sec.’s ‘give a family of illegals £40K if they agree to be exported’ scam means what? Wise guys sneaking back with false names for a second or even a third helping, given Labour’s ‘don’t check up on illegals’ culture?

Scum on wheels

Suffolk County Council is having to issue body cameras to school crossing lollipop staff, who are being abused by cyclists and motorists. Whether there will be any prosecutions and fines of £1,000, as prescribed by law, remains a moot point.

Late developer

We had a strange comment from our Foreign Sec. pro tem Pixie Balls-Cooper recently: “The thing I’ve learnt from doing this job is that you have to focus on substance and not on social media posts”.
    She’s only just realized that now after years and years of being in one ministerial post after another? Sheesh!

Cash down

Bets are being laid on whether a couple of weeks of war in the Middle East will do as much damage to the Britisch economy as 20 months of abuse by a UseLEZ Labour government.

Relationship stress

People who get a lot of hassle from family and alleged friends have their life cut short, the experts have concluded. Which could well be a blessed relief for those who are unable to shed the hasslers!

Darn in the dumps

Despite being overpaid, over-pensioned and allowed to shirk @ home and go sick for the slightest reason, one-third of the Whitehall Blob claim they are overworked and unhappy.
    A Cabinet Office spokes offered some irrelevant drivel as the government position.

Desperately slow off the mark

What is the agenda of a Home Sec. who needs to be chivvied by 100+ MPs and peers of all shades before she bans a traffic-stopping march in support of the poisonous Iranian regime?
    Got at by the Squirmer-Smarmer ’uman rights mob?

The actuality of Smarmer’s Brexit betrayal

The government has been forced to admit that it involves lotz of irrelevant EFU red tape being forced onto the 92% of businesses which don’t trade with the EFU and a waste of billions.
    More proof, if any more were needed, that Labour hates the UK in general and wealth-creating enterprise in particular.

Off the ball

How come a green grotter Moth Mob has been bannned from doing a pro-Iranian march in London at the weekend?
    All the ’uman bluddy rights lawyers taking a meteorological spring early break?

Today’s Question answered

Q: What is the difference between Hannibal Smith of the A-Team and Bier Smarmer?
A: Bier can’t love it when a plan comes together ’coz he never has a plan that has a chance of working.

More conspiracy

What can you say about Prince Andrew to get a bit of attention? How about he was getting ready to flee to the Middle East where he’s appreciated?
    But he can’t now that Iranian drones are blasting the FK out of everywhere.
    Two large problems. The tip-off about his flight intentions is as reliable as the one about the Mandelsleaze nipping off to the British Virgin Islands and the peoplewho have hosted Andrew Mwah have the best bomb shelters going.

Industrial muck-spreading

Our wonderful Labour government took charge in a shower of waffle about Tory sleaze and vows to clean up public life.
    Right away, there was the freebie scandal and a PM strolling about in a suit and specs bought by Lord Pally. And the Fantasist being creative about what she did at the Bank of England.
    Then 20 months of scandals, sackings and enforced retirements. At the present rate, Labour stands to lose another two dozen disgraced top bods by the end of this Parliament if it goes on for the full five-year term.

GRU firebugs

Put’nstan’s GRU, son of the KGB, is sending explosive packages around the world. They have caused fires in Canada, England, Germany, Poland, the Netherlands and the US at the very least.
    No danger of our miserable lot sending similar presents to deserving recipients in Put’nstan, of course.

It’s everywhere

There is buckets of disapproval floating around over religious fanatics being allowed to be in charge of Iran. But the newspaper pix of The Donald with praying evangelists with their paws all over him indicates that there’s a lot of it about on both sides of the bombardments.

Early settlement

The Doombugger of the Year Award looks certain to go to the energy minister of Qatar. His prediction that the global economy will collapse in response to Israel’s attack on Iran and its minions is unlikely to be topped.

The death of decency

Channel 5 hit a new low with a series featuring lip-readers spying on private conversations between members of the Royal Family.

Well, maybe

The latest conspiracy theory is that the US president has to spend an hour on the phone to Put’n because he’s getting detailed instructions on how to drive Iran even deeper into the Poisoner’s clutches.

Universal script

Reading the comments about the arrests of suspected Iranian spies and stalkers in London, I find myself on very familiar ground. The things the alleged bad guys are accused of are exactly the same as what China’s spies are supposed to have got up to in Wales.
    Don’t bother to come up with anything new in the way of a statement, just substitute Iranian for Chinese in the old material and adjust the targets a bit.

More talk, talk

The government has booted preventing the big A.I firms from stealing copyright material in the next year. Consultation One didn’t yield anything copyright holders would go along with. Cue Consultation Two. In due course.

Our hero

The world can relax. President MacRon of France is going to zap the Iranian terrorists and keep the Strait of Hormuz open to allow supplies of oil and natural gas to reach the Suez Canal and the Mediterranian.
    Okay, it’s not exactly a happening thing right now. But maybe in a while . . .

Jobs for yer mates

Napoleon Solo takes over running the A-Team. Next thing you know, there’s Illya, now with the KGB, teaming up with him again, taking charge and dishing out Iprcress File treatment in The Say UNCLE Affair.

Today’s Definition

Moth Mob: creatures deflected off course by a distraction which has no relevance to their life.

Champion chump

Self-exiled race car driver Louis Sam Milton is getting a booting for being historically ignorant. He thinks the British Empire and other Europeons are still running Africa, and he doesn’t know that the Chinese are buying the place up now.

Wot it’s really about

Talking about conspiracy theories, there’s another one to the effect hat the Untied States, not Israel, is in charge of the current Middle East war.
    It was America, not Mossad, that did the tracking of the Iranian leadership and decided when the attacks would begin. And it’s all about depriving China of Iranian oil and influence in the area.

Like it should be

“The following program may contain outdated attitudes which are infinitely superior to the woke garbage on offer today. And it may be discriminatory against grovelling scumbags”.
    If only.

More cash down the drain

An overdue look at how student loans are handed out has found that they can go to ‘students’ who have no A-Levels, no hope of getting a degree and no hope of replaying the loan.

Them aliens at it?

“We apologize for the loss of your adverts”, the Legend channel kept telling us last night. “Normal service will resume shortly”.
    As this happened during an episode of The Invaders, no doubt about where the blame could be parked.

Publicity for tripe

The BierBC is getting a booting from the chief medical officer for England. He reckons Radio 4 is now just a club for attention-seeking quack academics with a dodgy conspiracy theory to sell.
    Trampling into the the province of anti-social meeja?

Bad to disastrous

Reform UK, rejoicing after receiving donations adding up to £18.5 million in 2025, is expecting to get rid of ‘the worst PM any of us has seen in our lifetimes’ after the May council elections. But will it be a favour to the nation to replace Bier with someone worse, like Labour’s fave Edstone Milipede?

Widespread scourge

A survey has found that not just teenagers are wasting too much time on anti-social meeja, 20% of their parents are doing the same. And it’s making one-fifth of those parents as anxious and disturbed as the kids.

Emergency flop

The EFU received a shower of derision when the head of its Commission announced that its emergency committee wouldn’t be meeting until 3 days after the war against Iran began.
    Even more derision flowed when the committee decided that it didn’t have the power to advise EFU countries on what to do. As for the EFU administration, it’s letting the countries that don’t want to upset Iran do the old ‘international law’ alibi for not getting involved.

£350 shambles

How good are the F.O. at arranging emergency flights to bring nervous Brits home from Oman? Grab cash off the passengers, put them through a 4-hour check-in shambles then let them board the plane; which hangs around for 90 minutes.
    Then the pilot realizes that he’s reached his duty hours limit and he has to take a break by law.
    No one from our consulate in Oman around. The passengers are unloaded and moved to a hotel. All in all, a journey home that takes around 24 hours.

Explanation needed

“A 53-year-old father of three has been charged with multiple offences” means what? That there will be more of the same when the three have grown up?

Worldwide scourge

It’s not just in the Middle East that Islamist terrorists are at it. The Nigerian government is having to cope with a spate of kidnappings of women and children by Islamists in the north-west of the country.

Royal disapproval

There’s an interesting idea – sending the Prince of Wales to intimidate the Iranians. With Prince Hairy as back-up?

Another official tsar

The government is planning to create an ‘anti-Moslem hostility’ tsar as part of its social cohesion manoeuvres.
    Quite how being anti-Moslem and promoting hostility against them will yield cohesion has not been disclosed. Or which essential services will be cancelled to provide the £80 million per year which the scam will cost.

Cheap and not helpful

People buying cheap hearing aids on the interweb are being warned by audiologists that they’re not doing themselves a favour. The gadgets are just sound amplifiers rather than an aid tuned to the customer’s lost frequencies, and may do damage.
    The NHS offers hearing aids for free (after taxpayers have stumped up) but there is the normal mighty backlog for an appointment.

Intrusion not allowed

The Fantasist of the Exchequer is complaining that some petrol retailers are swindling their customers.
    That, she insists, is the exclusive province of the government and will not be tolerated.

No mystery

“How has a bottle of wine at lunch in an eatery become so expensive?” asked a social commentator.
    Could it be anything to do with rip-off business rates and taxes on employment imposed by our wonderful Labour government?

Don’t mention the war!

Something else we’re being told is that 90% of cats and dogs have a regular mental ’elf crisis. Either that, or their host has a very vivid imagination.

Not me, Guv, again

What was behind the Iranian president’s apologies to neighbours for blasting them with missles and drones? The expert opinion is that he’s trying to remind everyone that he’s an Iranian Bier Smarmer – a figurehead and not really in charge (it’s the crazy clerics and their private army who rule the roost) so please don’t bomb me!

Just talk

Will President trumPut’n put boots on the ground in Iran? Nah. As soon as the US casualty figures cross an ill-defined threshold, his Republicans will go soft on him and that will be that.

More negativity

Using fat-jabs can leave the customer worse off, the experts are warning. After stopping the jabs, they regain 75% of the weight lost over the next 14 months, and all the muscle lost is replaced by fat.
    Fat-jabs can curb a craving for alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs in some cases, we are told. But does that benefit vanish when the jabs are stopped?

Beware the Reds in the bed

What’s a really good way to pretend Israel’s war with Iran isn’t wrecking everything? Hold a morning ballroom dancing session in the Palace of Westmonster for Commons Squeaker Jaunting Hoyle, MPs and assorted celebs to give them a spot of exercise at our expense. Followed by a course on avoiding honey traps set by our great mates the Chinese.

See you in a fortnight

How does a Labour government send naval support to our RAF base on Cyprus? Keep the ships tied up here for a week then let them take another week to sail to Cyprus, hoping that Greece and France will have stepped in to do the job Smarmer can’t.

Another embarrassment

Do the police have so little to do that they can waste time and our money on busting 3 Labour luvvies on spying for China charges? We all know that Bier Smarmer thinks China is our best mate and, as has happened in the past, nothing will come of it.
    Bier’s eagerness to let the Chinese have a mega-spy-centre, prison and communications-snoopery in London confirms this.

Go for it!

Greater Manchester’s extremely disaster-prone cosmetic mayor is suggesting that the looney Left should form a coalition, with him in charge, to combat Reform UK at the next election.
    Given Jonah’s record for orchestrating HUGE failures, that sounds like a great idea.

Another off with the fairies

Why is she known as the Fantasist of the Exchequer? Because Thievin Reeves comes up with tales like everyone is going to be £1,000 better off when the reverse is true, and energy bills going up by somewhere between £160 and £500 (according to how alarmist the forecaster is feeling) ain’t helping.

Just a thought

If The Donald doesn’t know that Bier Smarmer is a useless lump of drek by now, and all his soundings off at Smarmer are for real since Israel dragged him into the ‘keep Ne10yahoo out of court’ war, then that doesn’t say much for trumPut’n’s ability to judge character. Hi Five!

And another thing

Why does the figurehead of the druggie, porn-loving green grotters need to use an alias. To avoid embarrassing the rest of his family? Or is there more to it?

A drain in flood

Labour’s borrow and waste binge is expected to cost taxpayers £700 billion in interest payments over the next six years. That’s the Office for Budgie Responsibility’s latest guess. But that was before the Israelis and the US turned the Middle East into a bonfire. Who knows how may extra godzillions of our quids will be wasted now.

Fantasy island

One win in an irrelevant by-election and the doombuggers have the green grotters running the country after the next general election. One gets the impression that if everyone in Gorton & Denton had voted Monster Raving Looney for a laugh, the doombuggers would have got them in charge somehow.

Empty words

What do the illegals think of the Home Sec.’s fantasy asylum claim reforms? They’re racing here in even greater numbers, knowing it’s all just Labour hot air.

App or crApp?

Such is the general distrust of A.Is now that only half of the NHS customers using its crApp trust the feature promised for 2028. Health Sec. Wee Streeting calls the A.I gadget ‘a doctor in your pocket’. But, of course, he’s just a politician, not a reliable information source.

It’s just a flying bomb

The daftest term to become common during this latest war has to be ‘suicide drone’. It’s a piece of kit with no self-awareness and its job is to explode and cause death and destruction.
    Or are we in for stuff like ‘suicide torpedoes’ fired at Iranian ships? Or ‘suicide ground to air missles’ and ‘suicide ICBMs’ when the nuclear war starts?

Another backtrack

Our wonderful government promised to ban nudification tools on the interweb to prevent the creation of deepfakes of MPs, real people and children.
    But only crApps based in the UK will be affected by changes to a Bill in progress. X-Witter will remain unassailed.

Yes, we noticed

Pres. trumPut’n has dismissed Bier Smarmer as ‘No Churchill’. But when we agree, we tend not to think of Sir Winston, the WWII leader of that surname.
    We tend to make an unfavourable comparison with the dog called Churchill, which used to advertise something on TV.
    Even this fantasy creature would have made a better PM than hapless Bier.

The downside of democracy

How predictable. A Moth Mob stopping the traffic in London yesterday in support of the Iranian terrorists. And anyone else who wishes to harm the UK.

Definitely not me, Guv

The Donald is positioning Israel as the aggressor against Iran and the US as a follower, which got involved only when the Israeli attack plan was leaked. As Mr. Ne10yahoo is also using the attack on Iran’s minions as an excuse for more Arab-bashing in the Occupied Territories, the trumPut’n line looks rather plausible and sensible.

The unlovely game

Premiere League referees are getting a good booting, I read, for ignoring blatant cheating in the penalty box such as holding, pushing and shirt-grabbing. Arsenal are being outed as the most blatant offenders but, as the present cadre of refs is rubbish, they’re being allowed to get away with it.

How snide

When he sez the assault on Iran will be over in 4 weeks, is President trumPut’n taking a pop at his old mate The Poisoner? Bearing in mind that Vlad’s 2-day conquest of Ukraine is now entering its fifth year.

Clang!

President trumPut’n has been forced to stop naming Iranians whom he considers to be preferred successors to the pre-war leadership. Bombing raids and missle attacks, usually by the Israelis, keep taking them out.

Away with the fairies

Looney Left Labourites, Trivials, Corbynsteiners and Green MPs are trying to pretend that Bier Smarmer has some sort of controlling interest in the assault on Iran. They would love us to believe that if they can make Bier say “No!”, it will all stop.
    Smarmer, meanwhile, is trying to sell the line that it’s in Britain’s national interest to follow international law created by Britain’s enemies in mock courts which are in no danger of having any sort of democratic accountability, and which always rule against the UK.

Ignored ishue

Whilst academics are eager to pronounce on the relative merits of left- and right-handed people, they seem blind to those who are bi-dextrous. That’s people who perform certain tasks with the right hand and others exclusively with the left hand.
    There has to be a paper in that, surely.

Big reward for failure

‘Pearl-clutching duchess’ Smarmer has bunged MPs a 5% pay rise to compensate them for the mental ’elf stress of being constantly reminded that most of them are useless and pointless.

How about that, then!

Things you learn from watching the right programmes on TV: The Invaders revealed that Oscar Goldman, the boss of The Six Million Dollar Man, is an alien enemy from that dying planet!!

Just inevitable

Huge people who qualify for the fat-jab Monjo aren’t getting it from the NHS if they fail to get lucky in a postcode lottery. Which comes as no surprise when we have a government which puts votes before need.

Great conspiracy theory

It was Lord Petey’s team which told the junketing Commons Squeaker that Petey was going to do a bunk. Why? To make the Met panic and grab him, making him a victim of what could be spun as a failed political stitch-up.
    Worse, fleeing to the British Virgin Islands is daft as there is an extradition agreement, so they are not a sensible refuge.

New facts of life

Internet influenzer refugees are fleeing the Middle East countries to which they fled to avoid being robbed blind by a Labour government. They are having to realize now that being robbed and alive is better than being dead rich.

More accurate description

It has been said that under Bier Smarmer’s blundering substitute for leadership, we have become mere spectators to what happens on the world stage. In reality, we have become mere potatoes, and every enemy knows it can make chips out of us whenever it chooses. Especially the EFU.

Today’s Question

Will Bier Smarmer fall off the fence only if it is demolished by an Iranian drone?

Next!

The Director of Parliamentary Security has received the push for not delivering any. Large amounts of dosh have been wasted on things like the £10 million front door for the House of Lords that doesn’t work, and nothing is being done to prevent bad guys from getting into the Parliament buildings at will.

Enemies within

Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz and sending shipping round Africa to get to Europe further emphasizes the stoopidity of Red Ed’s attacks on the North Sea oil industry. But, of course, nothing will be done to make us less dependent of foreign fuel sources with Smarmer’s boneheads in charge.

Dosh deprival

If the Green party is now on the side of Iran, how long before they align with Put’nstan, the Talibandits and every other bad bunch going?
    Looks like we need a new law depriving political parties of taxpayers’ cash if their pitch is all about causes irrelevant to life in the UK.

Clunk, not Twang!

Not so much a spring as a rusty nail. That’s what the Fantasist’s meteorological spring statement will be in practice. Tax and red tape and a war in the Middle East have business confidence at a new low.

Whoosh! Gone!

Users of e-bikes and e-scooters are making a mockery of 20 and 30 mph speed limits in built-up areas. Especially the ones who have had their ride modified to do 50 or even 70 mph.
    With no obligation to pay road tax and display a registration plate or another means of identification, they are also depriving cash-grabbing councils of million in fines!

File under ‘B’ for Boneheaded

The BMA is claiming that GPs are an endangered species like the Giant Panda used to be. They will become extinct if not fed lots more dosh and shorter working hours. Customers reacted to this BMA barrage of BS by pointing out that GPs are more like timid mice, who run away from anyone trying to book an appointment.

How it will be

Pictures of firework displays and A.I generated images are playing their part in the online version of the Middle East war. This is expected to be the way it will be in the future, with the Net Nerds queueing up to like the most outrageous stuff they can find.

He did a fine job

An interesting theory is on offer by former PM B. Johnson. That Prince Andrew has done the Royals a big favour.
    If Mr. Mwah is a sheep blacker than any black hole in the universe, what are his relatives in contrast? Whiter and whiter than white and utterly great and lovely.

Not up to the job

NASA has cancelled a Moon landing scheduled for next year. After problems with its Artemis II spacecraft last month, Artemis III will just fly around the Moon next year instead of landing.
    The present version of NASA’s kit isn’t working reliably. So the next Moon landing will be in 2028. Maybe.

File under ‘D’ for Divisive

‘Island of strangers’, ‘swamp of sectarianism’, ‘the Left awash with anti-Semitism and anti everything traditionally British’. Seems like an accurate pucture of what this Labour government has created and what the Greens are exploiting.
    ‘Let the enviromint go to pot, no one cares about it any more’.

Anything to be different

If you want to be weird and up to the minute, what do you have for breakfast? Avocado and Yorkshire pudding is said to be popular with under 30s. Maybe with a side order of chips.

Hot air, Jezzer

J. Corbynstein, Parliamentary leader of his tiny party, is being mocked for threatening to take the fight to Farage and Smarmer. Why? ’Coz he’ll be 80 in June 2029 when the next general election could might maybe held if Labour manages to drag things out for that long.

Legal shenannygoats

Gulp! Labour MP Tulip Siddiq could maybe might end up on Interpol’s Most Wanted list!
    The former anti-corruption minister is experiencing the fall-out from her aunt’s period of corrupt rule of Bangladesh.

Plain madness

The Talibandit plan for Afghanistan has been exposed. Extermination of the population. Women are not allowed to become doctors and women are banned from being treated by male doctors. It’s a policy which will empty the place in due course.

Corporal Chaos

‘Icon of incompetence’ and ‘act of GREAT STUPIDITY’.
    No prizes for guessing which Prime Fantasist attracted these observations about his Chagos betrayal and havering.
    Just what is he getting out of the mess? We should be told. That’s now, not in 50 years’ time when the embarrassing stuff in released.

Unsafe Implant

What don’t you need if you have a pacemaker keeping your heart going? One with dodgy battery control software. That’s another 100,000 people needing a trip to a hospital to get the problem sorted out and more unexpected NHS costs.

More Reeves destruction

The American owner of a Cornish brewery is closing it as the UK tax regime makes it no longer viable. That’s 200 more jobs gone as part of the Fantasist of the Exchequer’s plan to grow the economy. Not.

Nothing stuck to

U-turn 25. After telling the Americans that they can’t use any British military bases for their war with Iran, Smarmer has had his mind changed. Well, he is supposed to be all about change. For the worse, just about every time. Which is why his popularity rating is down from -44 to -49. An attempt is being made to shift the blame to the Chagos cogger Lord Squirmer.

What a shame, never mind

Labour’s youngest MP is complaining about having a student loan debt of ninety thousand quid hanging over her head when she left university.
    As she was studying ‘fashion’, the words ‘Mickey’ and ‘Mouse’ spring to mind, followed by ‘no wonder she went into polytics’.
    At least an MP’s salary will let her pay off some of the debt before she’s binned; with the usual generous pay-off; at the next general election.
● She can expect no help from Thievin Reeves as far as interest rates go.

Another Brexit betrayal

Our Prime Fantasist is handing to Spain and the EFU complete control of the border at Gibraltar. He’s letting the Spanish decide who goes there and who lives there, and they can slap VAT levies wherever they like, ending Gibraltar’s VAT-free status. Anything for the UK’s enemies, that’s Smarmer.

Today’s Question

If a triple murderer batters a double child murderer in a prison workshop and kills him, saving the taxpayer a huge chunk of money, should he be in line for an MBE?

Clothears rides again

“What’s all this stuff on the news about lawn chairs?”
    “I think you’ll find it’s Iranian launchers. For missles.”

Just bloody shut up!

A section of a new sea-front expressway in Bombay is giving wealthy residents nearby the hump. It has grooves in it which produce the theme tune of a Bollywood epic if drivers stay at 45-50 mph. “Showcase of innovation”, The authorities brag. “Intrusive background noise,” the neighbours complain.

Also Eternal?

It looks likely that the US cop show Unforgettable is a permanent fixture on the Great! Mystery TV channel. Series 4 reached its conclusion last Friday. A third consecutive run from Series 1, Episode 1 began on Monday of this week.

Appropriate technology

Contrary to what my watch was telling me, yesterday wasn’t the 31st of February, and today is actually the 4th of March, not the 1st. To those who ask why I don’t get a ‘smart’ watch or use a pocket phone to tell me what the date is, I say that the watch keeps accurate time and that’s what I want when I look at it, so the date it’s showing obviously doesn’t matter much to me.

Snoop, snoop

Can you trust O2, Tesco, Sky Mobile and other phone network providers? Nope. It has been revealed that they were involved in a secret government scam to spy on phone users who visited a website about electric vehicles from 2022 to 2024.

Fair question

“Do British values still align with those of the US?” is being asked now. But given that Smarmer’s Army has effectively abolished the concept of British values in favour of the convenience of the moment (with the emphasis on the ‘con’), the question no longer has any meaning. Alignment is now usually occasional, always accidental, and also impermanent.

Silly cliché

Is the child killer I. Huntley really ‘fighting for his life’ in hospital after being battered in prison? Or is it more likely that a bloke who had no quality of life and has tried suicide several times isn’t putting up any sort of a struggle? If he’s actually aware of what’s going on.

Truth can hurt

Is it unkind to point out that it is over 400 days since The Donald vowed that to get the Put’nstani invaders out of Ukraine in the first 24 hours of his second run as US president?
    Relatives of the Ukrainians murdered by the invaders would not agree.

Dog after dog

The owners of an Irish setter are claiming a new world record after their pet gave birth to an amazing 17 Irish Doodles – the father is a poodle.
    All are doing well at their home in Kent. But what a bill for microchipping the new arrivals!

Sponsored crime wave

Dippy Dave, the alleged justice secretary, is pushing through ‘reforms’ which keep criminals out of gaol. How? By giving them judge-only trials.
    Studies where these happen have found that judges are soft on criminals; convictions as well as length of sentence; and there is every reason to be sure the same will happen here.

Wrecker, not an ally

President trumPut’n doesn’t think Bier Smarmer is being helpful with regard to his and Israel’s war with Iran and its minions. No one surprised in view of Bier’s proven record for uselessness.

Sign of excess

What’s a good way to spot a local council which has chosen to demand huge amounts of tax to waste via using the maximum allowed council tax rise?
    Count the number of new 20 mph zones created to raise cash from speeding fines. This is a scam favoured by the Trivial Democrats, but not exclusively.

A fix?

Will the police in Manchester investigate what’s being described as clear evidence of voting fraud in last week’s election in Gorton and Denton?
    Election observers have calculatd that around 12% of the votes cast where they were watching involved the criminal offence of ‘family voting’ after the Greens made their pitch to the Moslems in the area about Gaza.
    What effect this had on postal voting will never be known.

Sunken playing field

Oh, dear. The Education Sec. has been sussed. Her agenda is to make all schools equal. Sadly, that’s equally bad. And to put boys in frocks. And to abolish free speech and selection on merit.

Daft idea ditched

The government has been forced to do a U-turn on closing large numbers of Post Office branches after an outcry by the people paying the wages of Smarmer’s Army.
    All 11,500 branches will remain open to provide essential services and half of them will have to be open full-time.

Still grabbing, still lying

The Fantasist of the Exchequer is getting a good booting for lying in her Budget about reducing energy costs by £150. Ofgem says it will be only £117.
    Edstone Milipede is still getting a booting for claiming that energy costs will drop by £300. His scams are raising bills, not lowering them. All the government does is shift costs from household energy bills to the tax system.

Hopeless hippocrites

Trivial honcho Eddie Gravy lectured a couple of dozen people in the Commons on ‘past blindness’ whilst having a go at Prince Andrew. Wot about his past blindness about the Horizon Horror when he was the Post Office Minister?
    And what about all the praise he heaped on trade envoy Andrew Mwah back in 2011? That was nothing to do with him, of course, he was just reading someone else’s words.
    And wot about one of his Trivial MPs trying to blame global warming on the hapless Andrew?

Dead either way

Put’nstan’s officers are resorting to torture and murder to force troops to undertake suicide missions. Such is the success rate of Ukraine’s drone operators and the enemy’s lack of tanks and other armoured vehicles.

No problem

Has trumPut’n boxed himself in by declaring his objective for Iran is regime change? Nah. He’ll just do what he always does and switch his attention elsewhere if a quick booting looks like dragging on for weeks and exceeds his attention span.
    This is seen as the likeliest outcome as the ‘Keep Ne10yahoo out of court’ campaign extends the war into Lebanon against Iraq’s Hezbolla allies.

Wrong speaker

It wasn’t the Lords Speaker who told the Met that Lord Petey was about to zoom off to the British Virgin Islands, it was the junketeer Commons Speaker, off junketing there, who gave the Met the tip-off.
    There are now grave doubts about whether the accused can be given a fair trial after the endless drip feeds of groundless sleaze about him.

Mr. Going through the motions

How good a lawyer is Bier Smarmer? That he ain’t much of a one is confirmed by his going along with removing Prince Andrew from the line of succession before he’s been tried and convicted of anything.
    And if what looks like a bad apple has been removed from the Royal barrel, there’s no risk to the contents whatever happens to Andrew Mwah.

More Golden Future tales

The attack on Iran has encouraged the view that the Democraps will win big in this year’s elections for places and take control of the US Congress. But that’s not until November, which lets the doombuggers speculate about how much of the world will still be intact then America puts the brakes on trumPut’n.

Tell ’em anything

An observant lady noted that the Transport Sec. claimed that when she was doorstepping for the July 2024 general election, kids were answering the door in a scarf and hat because their parents couldn’t afford to put the central heating on in summer.
    So much for credibility in polytics.

Unsung battle

It’s not just the bad guys in Iran who are being bashed. Pakistan is zapping the Talibandits in Afghanistan, taking out ammo dumps and military hideouts across the country in retaliatory strikes for Talibandit assaults.

Not us, Guv

The police are getting a booting after arresting Lord Petey on the basis of silly stories that he was planning to flee abroad. The Met is refusing to reveal the source, like it does.
    The Speaker of the House of Lords was dragged into the mess but denies being the Met’s source. Meanwhile, the government is being accused of desperately trying to bury Petey files to hide when and what Prime Fantasist Bier knew about him.

Mission prevented

It has been pointed out by people who have been paying a modicum of attention that if Prince Andrew is no longer in the Royal barrel, he can’t spoil the contents, no matter what happens if he’s ever put in the dock.
    And as for bringing up the ancient history that he was second in line to the Throne at one time – how desperate can you get to be noticed?

Oh, no, it isn’t!

Oh, no! We’re into meteorological spring. Why? Because the dunces at the Met Office can’t cope with seasons based on where The Planet is in its orbit around the primary (the Sun).
    There are three more weeks of winter left, no matter what BS we get from the Met Office.

Hysteria on hold

It’s true, that ‘what a difference a day makes’. Yesterday, the BierBC news channel couldn’t pause for the weather in the run up to 1 p.m. and the start of a news cycle.
    Today, we got the weather and a whole shower of the usual BierBC internal adverts and orders to watch stuff on iPlayer. Back to normal with a bang.

No Secret

Operation names are usually chosen to give nothing away, e.g. Operation Daffodil. Not so when The Donald is involved. And Operation Epic Fury can only be about bombing some enemy back to the Stone Age.

Future perfect

Our wonderful government now has an Education Fantasist. She is guaranteeing excellent local schools for all kids and more special needs scams than you can shake a stick at.
    But not till at least a decade down the road.

No real plan

President trumPut’n kept Bier Smarmer out of the attack on Iran loop as a basic security precaution, it has been revealed. US Democraps were also excluded as they were expected just to get in the way.
    Has he taken out the Awful Ayatollah with bunker-buster bombs? Who knows for sure.

Wheels coming off

Gulp! An audit of the amount of power needed by A.I systems has found that the UK’s power generation capacity will have to be doubled to keep the lights on for everyone else.
    So much for the Milipede Nett Zero scam, which won’t be able to come even close to delivering the nation’s requirements.

A mad dash

What do the members of the Green party want now? Brothels on every high street, unions for the staff and easy access to porn.
    Quite some way from protecting the enviromint and saving The Planet.

Striking back

The Downing Street mob came up with a real hammer blow as retaliation for the latest trumPut’n tariffs: rollercoasters as one of their targets.
    That’s something which will really get The Donald quaking in his golf shoes.

A question of gravity

Is it somehow worse for a government minister or a trade envoy to may, maybe might have leaked secrets to a paedophile rather than to any other sort of pal? Or does it just give the meeja an excuse to pad out stories with endless reshashes?

Just ignored

Another set of gangs which Bier Smarmer isn’t bothered about smashing is the gangs responsible for stealing £1 billion/year in goods from shops and large stores.
    The police treating steal-to-order expeditions as non-crimes and ignoring them hasn’t helped.

A defective system

How does a violent schizophrenic get to remain in the community and go on to become a triple killer? Because the wokes have got the medical trade worried about being called rachelist if a dangerous African import is locked up to protect the general public from him.

Just can-booters

Labour is becoming the party of the decade. Schools will be wonderful, but not for a decade. The court system will remain clogged clogged and full of delays for another decade, during which things will get a lot worse.
    Wot next?

Munitionfest

The Untied States and Israel are starting another war in the Middle East with attacks on Iran. Regime change by the mugs who live there is the aim (but considered unlikely) along with destruction of the capacity to make the missles which Iran is shooting at US bases in the region.

Labour stagnation

A Labour grandee, former minister A. Milburn, has revealed that young people are now detached from the jobs market thanks to the current schools curriculum.
    Elsewhere, the Labour party is being accused of creating a jobs apocalypse for graduates and the Fantasist of the Exchequer is getting the blame. A graduate’s job prospects are worse than during the Chinese plague shut-downs.

All change, all retire

A.I is also being positioned as a threat to Hollywood and the world’s film industry, including the bits here. No more action and lavish sets and mighty explosive detonations. Just images created using Chinese designed software with destroyed streets full of wrecked POLCIE cars. Lack of originality and lack of stars to turn up at awards ceremonies are problems yet to be solved if copyright theft is to be avoided in the artificial movie; although not for the A.I’s training.

Simply bogus

A.I images are getting the blame for making people shopping online think they’re buying goods from British companies. The customers are ending up with rubbish, and finding that they have to send it back to China at their own expense if they want to return it.

Empty Ambition

Good News: Reform UK want to deport 300,000 illegals per year.
Bad News: They’re not in government so they can’t.

Another lurker

A bloke whose relatives claimed he didn’t know how to use a gun has been shot dead at the US president’s Florida estate. He was confronted in the middle of the night whilst sneaking about with a can of petrol and a shotgun, and shot before he could use the gun. The president was in Washington at the time.

Small ripple

Is the by-election result from Gaza & Denton a sign that something significant is happening, as the BierBC wanted us to believe? Nah, looking at the numbers, it’s obviously a joke result from people who knew it didn’t matter; with dodgy doings going on at some of the polling stations.
    The results
Greens               19.6%
Reform              13.8%
Labour               12.2%
Cons.                 0.92%
Trivials              0.85%
Didn’t vote        55.7%

One down

The Mexican government has saved the US $15 million. That’s how much the Americans put on the head of the boss of a Mexican drug cartel, who was killed during a military operation to capture him. Wot effect will this have on the bits of the football World Cup that are supposed to take place in Mexico. FIFA now has a BIG headache.

Nice People

What’s the Green party all about now? The Middle East not Britain. Its members want Hamas off the list of terror organizations and, more or less, to make anti-Semitism compulsory.
    They want unlimited migration and free houses and Universal Credit payments for every foreigner arriving here and no deportations of bad guys. Free drugs next after the party leader legalizes everything and builds partnerships with every cartel in South America? And a free car? And a phone?

Nothing to see here

President trumPut’n ordered NASA to release all of its files on extraterrestrials as a means of taking a poke at ex-president B. O’bummer. Big letdown for alien-hunters. NASA’s administrator has revealed that the only stuff in the files that he can’t explain are the amounts of money blown on potty projects rather than anything to do with alien visitors.

Not a plague

Experts are now reacting to the move to get o’besity declared a disease. It ain’t, they say. It’s the result of choices, which may be inadvertent, and realizing this is a route to making better choices.

Vote Green, get stoned

In an effort to be even weirder than they are now, the Green party is shouting for the legalization of every drug going for recreational purposes.
    They’re also demanding drug-taking lessons for young kids in primary schools. Anything to get noticed?

Some way to go

Cardingham in Cornwall has been rained on every day since 31st December of 2025. But no record set yet. The unfortunate residents will have to put up with another 3 weeks of sogginess to equal or beat their existing record: 72 days of rain awarded to them in 2000.

Real, but not here

The US government is publishing UFO files after ex-president O’bummer joked on a podcast that aliens are real but he hadn’t seen any.
    Which gave President trumPut’n an excuse to boot him for leaking classified information!

Smarmer by gaslight

Food and fuel prices are falling, he sez. The first is a lie; food prices are continuing to rise. Fuel prices dipped due to world prices, not anything our government did, and they’re back up again.
    Inflation is 50% higher than it was when Smarmer’s Army started to mess us about, thanks to their bad choices. Unemployment is up and national security is down.
    And so it goes on.

Leadership failure

Health Sec. Wee Streeting banned the use of puberty blocking drugs after they were ruled a safety risk. But he was suddenly okay with a trial involving over 200 young children.
    That trial has now been blocked by the Department of Health over safety concerns.

Worthless wails

“Should one rotten apply destroy the House of Windsor?” is being asked by supporters who point out that it hasn’t happened to the likes of the Labour party, the BierBC and the sections of the Press which have been stuffed with more rotten apples than you can shake a stick at but which are still here.
    And what’s the alternative? A president like Sarkozy, Put’n, trumPut’n or some retired British political deadleg as head of state?

Not sold

The Milipede Mob is claiming that clean power is the only way to bring down bills for good. So why is none on offer?
    The production of windmills and solar panels uses processes that are anything but clean. And the cost of linking them to the National Grid is sending stupidly high bills even higher.
    But hey, what can we expect from politicians other than pathetic lies?

Having a miserable time

Researchers at Plymouth University have concluded that living somewhere that has had rain on every day this year is depressing. Climate change, over which we have no control, is getting the blame for 2026 sogginess.

Timely question

Are were really expected to believe that Prince Andrew was interrogated by Norfolk police for 11 hours, as I read? He was in their clutches for that long, but how much time was spent on getting him to the cop shop, getting his brief on the scene and all the rest of the preliminaries?
    So how long was spend on ‘interrogation’?
    Half an hour? An hour of the 11 hours?

One way to do it

The government has found that it can reduce the child poverty figures by means of closer scrutiny of the numbers. Benefits claimants have been under-reporting how much they get from the state by around 23%.
    Thus the government will issue revised numbers and claim to have lifted a huge number of kids out of poverty without actually doing anything more than cooking the books.
    Cute, or what!

Next for the chop?

If the House of Windsor is toppled by the combined efforts of masses of doombugger journalists, who will get their attention next?
    Could might maybe politicians have reason to be very afraid of their dirty secrets being excavated and/or recycled by journos with no Royals to slag off?
    Mentioning the presumption of innocence in passing then getting on with the serious slagging seems to be a standard operating procedure that works for the doombuggers.

Reload, retread, Reform

Someone else getting a booting is Mr. Farage from the garage. Wot for? Packmanning his shadow Cabinet with ex-Tories after deliverying the clear, plain and simple message: “Never trust a Tory” on anti-social meeja.
    Apparently, sticking a new label on people who were in the last Tory government turns them into reformed characters. Or so Mr. Farage would have us believe.

Not so fast!

The Supreme Court of the British Indian Ocean Territory has grotted on the attempt by the F.O. to remove the four ethnic Chagossians from the atoll where they parked; some 120 miles from the military base on Diego Garcia; and stick them in gaol for three years.
    The quartet have been awarded an injunction against the F.O. which, no doubt, will be wasting our cash on an appeal.

Wait and see; maybe

President trumPut’n has managed to baffle the world with his latest round of tariff adjustments. No one knows what’s going on – including the bloke causing all the chaos?

Start of a trend?

University College London has had to make a no-liability pay out to students who claimed they didn’t receive the education they paid for during the Chinese plague pandemic.
    Lots more like cases to follow?

More guesswork

The Office for Notional Sadistics has concluded that the healthy life expectancy of Brits is at its lowest level for a decade for those born two to four years ago. And those in wealthy areas can expect two more decades of wellness than paupers.
    No doubt Smarmer’s Army will invent a new tax for a levelling up campaign as it continues to govern by error and error.

More mismanagement?

Oh, dear. Lack of due diligence claims are haunting Bier Smarmer’s appointee as the next head of the snivel service. A history of sticking a hand in the taxpayer’s pocket, a history of pursuing everything woke, bullying allegations made to go away by the Cabinet Office. No wonder the news of the appointment was released to coincide with Prince Andrew’s arrest.

Another thing they do

SNP MPs at Westmonster are caught up in a VIP freebie jollies scandal like the Labour freebie clothes and freebie tickets for events scandal.
    One of the SNP freebie-hooverers even demanded an investigation of Bier Smarmer’s freebies, claiming they were eroding public trust. Hippocrite on steroids? Or does he think eroding public trust is the exclusive province of the SNP?

What they do

Removing Andrew Mwah from the line of succession to the throne via an Act of Parliament is the sort of pointless vindictiveness that useless politicians get up to as an alternative to doing something to the benefit of their customers.
    How typical that Trivial leader Eddie Gravy, the Post Office minister who let the Horizon Horror Happen and told us Prince Andrew was doing a grand job, is now trying to lead the charge against Andrew, who was made a trade envoy by New Labour.
    “He shamed our country” applies as much to Mr. Gravy as to anyone else.

Neat trick

How do you accuse a council which will be shoving its local tax rate up by 10% in April of demanding five times the rate of inflation from the customers?
    Assume that if inflation is 3% now, it could maybe might be down to 2% in April.

Get out of that!

President trumPut’n took a brief break from his campaign to intimidate Iran with a display of military might to wave two fingers at the US Supreme Court.
    The court dared to declare his reciprocal tariffs on imports from the rest of the world illegal. His response was to whack another set of tariffs on the rest of the world, which will add up to 15% in due course.

Goldarn silence

How to nark journos desperate for something to stick their name on – tell them you’re not going to drip-feed comments on an investigation-in-progress of your brother.
    Worked for King Chuck!

Close copies

The Galapagos turtle became extinct 150 years ago at the hands of human. Conservationists are now trying to restock Floreana Island in the chain with genetic models of the originals.
    The replacements have an age range of 8-13 and are big enough to stand up to the descendants of rats and cats which escaped from visiting ships.

Winter toll

Smarmer’s army is getting the blame for killing 2,544 pensioners during the 2024/25 winter by depriving them of the Winter Fuel Allowance. 1,630 were written off by a cold spell in the second week of January 2025.
    A spokes for Downing Street wittered about this winter and ignored the ishue of last winter completely, like they do.

Humans first

Morocco is getting a booting for trying to kill 3 million stray dogs before its turn to host the football World Cup comes around in 2030. The cull makes tourism safer in a country where 25 people per year die from rabies after being bitten by a dog.

Chemical challenge

Everyone walking around in headphones could be poisoning themself, the experts reckon. The plastics used by the manufacturers contain toxic chemicals, which can be absorbed by the skin and attack the brain and liver.
    The experts want the EFU to ban the use of a list of the toxic chemicals, which includes our old friends bisphenols A and S.

Dead stop

Contradictory messages are coming from the Untied States. The State Department (their F.O.) said the Smarmer Chagos betrayal is okay. President trumPut’n says it’s a big mistake. The betrayal Bill is now stalled here as our Prime Fantasist doesn’t know whether to go ahead with another U-turn.
● Four Chagossians with British passports sailed to what is still British territory. They are being threatened with 3 years in gaol by our wonderful Labour government. The one doing nothing about the small boat invasion of Britain.