Self-inflicted mockery

It has been pointed out that calling Prince Andrew ‘Andrew MW’ looks like a clumsy attempt to add a ‘m’wah’ kiss after his name and makes whoever’s writing about him look like a proper twerp.

Deluded & Derided

To no one’s surprise, a study of the burblings of self-proclaimed wine experts has found that they are mainly garbage merchants. Especially if they claim a wine has notes of pencil shavings!!!
    Who the hell knows what they taste like?

Not sold

“Just nine nine nine,” said the cheerful advert voice-over. Wrong! £999 ain’t ‘just’. Unless you have your hand in the taxpayer’s pocket up to the shoulder, of course.

More twerpishmess

Serbia Smarmer is getting a booting for welcoming to Britain, an Egyptian gaolbird terrorist wannabe, who hates Jews and white people, especially the English, the Dutch and Germans.
    Smarmer’s celebration of his release from gaol and arrival here on bogus grounds of nationality is further proof that Labour hated Britain – if any more proof were needed.

Joke of the Year

 The London Fire Brigade, after attending the blaze at Serbia Smarmer’s residence, was asked not to reveal that it was started by his pants.

‘Lady petrol’ alarm

The drinks industry is getting a booting for producing ‘pink drinks’ aimed at women, which is sexist. The promotions are encouraging women to drink more and alcohol-related deaths of women have increased to one-half of the rate for men, which is a step on the way to equality.

Today’s thought

If life were straight forward, even politicians would be able to do it without bogging up every single time.

You cain’t see me!

‘Ghost’ number plates are causing increasing concern to those who grab cash from motorists. The plates, some of which have a reflective coating, cannot be read by automatic number plate recognition cameras.
    This is being spun as a crime ishue but the main concern is about losing income from speeding fines and the likes of the UseLEZ scam in London.

No actual boldly going . . .

 Scotland’s public sector Spaceport 1, located on North Uist island in the Outer Hebrides, hopes to start launches to the edge of space next year; but not on Sundays. This is being spun as observing the religious traditions of the locals rather than the actual truth – that there won’t be enuff business on offer to make Sunday launches necessary.
    The launches will be for sub-orbital flights and Spaceport 1 is likely to be eclipsed by the private sector’s SaxaVord’s spaceport on the Shetland Isle of Unst as far as the first ever launch from Scotland and launches to orbit are concerned.

More Dereliction

Following on from the betrayal of the UK steel industry comes a row over contracts for Royal Navy tugs going to a Dutch company which is about to be burped for sanctions-busting in Putinstan’s favour for fun & profit.
    No UK firms were offered a chance to bid for the contracts and the governments, UK and Scottish, are sitting on their hands and looking helpless, like they do.

Modesty mostly missing

President Trump has gone all John Wayne and he’s creating a goldarn fleet. The new warships will be Trump class vessels and they will be built quickly. Which is a concept totally alien to our own MoD.

Always against our interests

Another anguished article in the paper: this one about the government letting the last blast furnaces go cold and killing off the UK steel industry.
    The plant in Scunthorpe is our only source of full-carbon virgin stee. Not that Smarmer’s Army are bothered about that, even if it could be saved by a government with a backbone./
    Not much impact, though, the article. We all know you can never expect anything good from a Labour government. And particularly not from this one.

Just posturing

One gets the impression that the FBI pursuit of Prince Andrew is all about being able to put in agents’ memoirs: ‘I stuck it to an English prince!’
    After all, he just has to deploy the Yanks’ 5th Amendment in response to any questions and tell them to go ride a bike.
    Logically, if they’ve blackened someone’s character so that it looks like a totally redacted Epstein file page, they can’t do any more damage to it.

Next celebration, please

Some stores are filling gaps left by purchases in the Xmas range with Easter eggs. After all, it’s only 4 months away.

On and on

There must be a desperate shortage of news if the BBC news channel is devoting a huge amount of time to reports of some boxer getting minor injuries in a car crash in Nigeria.

Bad one day, good the next

When some interest wants to ‘prove’ something, it puts the ‘experts’ on the job. Which is how it was ‘proved’ in the past that alcohol consumption can raise the risk of dementia.
    Oh, dear! Current experts have reversed that opinion. Two pints of beer or 2-3 glasses of wine per day reduce the risk of getting dementia by up to 35%.
    Some good news for a drinks trade blighted by the Fantasist of the Exchequer trying to tax alcohol into unaffordability.

Taxed to temperance

The government is trying to spin its taxing of rural pubs out of existence as a benefit to the elderly. If there’s nowhere to go boozing, they won’t be tempted to spend their money on drink.
    The loss of community hubs is something the rest of us are not supposed to notice.

Grabitons

Contact with Put’n the Poisoner has been a Very Bad Thing for President Trump. As Put’n and his puppeteers think they have a right to annex Ukraine, Trump has his eyes on Greenland. Both are after their respective target’s mineral reserves.

Not the whole truth

Totally dishonest Serbia Smarmer keeps claiming that working people will have more money in their pockets. Maybe that should go on to: “After I’ve been binned.”
    A 30% more expensive Xmas, thanks to his Fantasist, and a drop in real household income have taken the happy out of this festering season.

Survival threat!

President Trump has stuck it to the wind power industry stroke scam by declaring that their turbines interfere with defence systems and need to be banned.
    That’s on top of being intrusive, costly and inefficient. And not ‘always on’, of course.

Apt Xmas present

Islamic terrorists in Nigeria got a very Trumpian festive reward; air strikes on the nasty bastards who have been attacking Christians in the north-west of the country. Let us hope the US Air Force crews got a bonus for working on Christmas Day.

One the wonks missed

How very strange that there was no trigger warning before ITV4 showed 2001: A Space Odyssey last night. Or are we supposed to be able to deal with outdated attitudes from The Dawn of Man?

Shrinking to expiration

Quality Street confections are getting a booting for being a blatant misnomer in the quality department and for the shrinkage from a 2½ kg tin in the 1980s to a grotty plastic tub containing almost 2 kg less sweets.
    Something that will be pocket-size by the end of the decade?

Playing the raysist card

No surprise that we have a right banana as the new head of the Equalities Commish.
    She thinks the invasion of illegals is not a threat to our way of life and binning the Euro ’uman bluddy rights court is a bad idea.
    Take the money and don’t do the job the customers want done, seems to be the Labour way.

Yawn

What is sensational about a photo of former POTUS Bill Clinton ‘half naked’ in a swimming pool with ‘redacted women’? As long as it was his lower half that wasn’t naked.

Gordon Bennett

What are we watching on Channel 5? we asked last night. How about the Good Ship Murder’s Christmas special? That sounds terrifically seasonal.

Newly conditioned reflex

Well into the second year of Smarmer figureheading for Labour, you read ‘a government spokes’ and think ‘lying bastard’.
    The damage has been done well beyond the possibility of ever being undone.

Sure, you do

If Health Sec. Wee Streeting claims that Serbia Smarmer has his absolute support, what do we conclude, given the plague of dishonesty which has afflicted the entire government?
    Plus Wee’s constant attempts to position himself as the gross dullard’s natural successor.

Well-trodden road

Israel’s court-dodging Prime Monster isn’t gaining any international applause from his Put’n imitation. 16 new Israeli settlements in Occupied Palestinian territory? How terribly despotic.

The trend

The nation’s police farces are setting world records for ignoring theft from shops and stores. And being allowed to get away with it.

They all want to be here

It’s not just migrants from the rest of the world which are invading us. Divers and fishermen are reporting an influx of large numbers of the Mediterranean octopus in our southern coastal waters.

Tier-toppling try

An attempt is being made to keep snivel servants and the police out of events run by homosexualists and other members of the Algae Boutique as their presence accompanied by proclaiming their trade breaches objectivity and impartiality laws.
    Worse, the practice also consumes taxpayers’ cash as the snivellers don’t pay their own way.

Safe bet

One of our leading space scientists is sure that aliens will be detected during the next 50 years. And if she’s wrong, she won’t be around to be mocked.
    But knowing our luck, if any aliens come here, they’ll be either Cylons or Goa’uld.

Po-faced Prats

What does a woke museum management do if it wants to get into the newspapers? A rant about Santa being too white, which is blatantly rachelist, by the way.

Unsleazed

An attempt to stitch up N. Farage of Reform UK by the Labour lot and a former Reform councillor has hit the buffers. “Nothing to see here, move along,” was the message from the Electoral Commission, which found nothing wrong with his election expenses.

Scorcher?

Te Met Office is working hard to make 2025 the hottest year in the whole history of the universe. No one surprised.

Just hop it

Someone needing speedy deportation and a ban on coming back here is Greenhouse Grotter. She thinks Palestine Pal vandals who are arrested and locked up for their crimes are political prisoners. Well, she would.

Unsmashed gang

An Albanian criminal is running an operation to smuggle other criminals out of the UK, concentrating on migrant bad guys. On the way to an MBE for services to the community?

Epic fail

The Steelers’ fans have credibility when they wave their yellow Terrible Towels. But when the Vikings’ fans waved white ones to match their team’s uniforms on Xmas day, it looked like they were trying to surrender.
    Something their team didn’t do at home, taking the ball away from the Lions 6 times on the way to a 10-23 victory.

Gesture polytics

Is Struggling Smarmer’s U-turn on farm inheritance tax actually humiliating? When you look at the details, it’s just a tweak as a sop to his bolshy back benchers. Who are more worried about losing their seats than about anything that matters.
    Not nearly humiliating enuff. And watch him crawl behind Thievin, his human shield.

The wrong sort of Christian

Some of the people at the top of the Church of England are upset because the wrong sort of punters are going to carol services. They’re worried that their far-Left establishment is being polluted by right-wingers.
    Also by young people who reject their Nett Zeroism and post-colonial guilt complex.

Some more equal than others

Someone else getting a booting is the Equalities minister, who is sitting on guidance which will keep biological males out of female spaces. Showing solidarity with the trans lobby?

Doom & Gloom

The Fantasist of the Exchequer is getting a booting for sabotaging Black Friday sales. Demand is low to miserable and that’s the response of the nation’s stores generally.
    This year’s Golden Quarter ain’t.
    The Treasury’s response is “The Budget doubled down on our work to grow the economy.” Which is just burrocratic BS.
    The only doublings were 1. A Budget tax grab & 2. A working rights without responsibilities Bill to prevent employment.

Oh, no, it isn’t

The thing about sub-titles on old cops shows, such as Van Der Valk, is that they seem to be based on a script, not what’s actually on offer. Yes, there was a loud tram clattering by. But [ALARM BEEPING] right after it? No way.

Fat chance

One of the arguments for not dumping Bier Smarmer is that we might end up with someone competent and lose the chance of an early general election.
    Hah! Someone competent in the present shower of Labour MPs? Joke.

Peculiar seasonal fare

How can you tell it’s Christmas? The Beeb is showing The Great Escape for the 199th time. On Beeb 2 @ 4:45 p.m. today.

Pull the other one

Red sky at night, shepherds’ delight.
    What, with the Met Office weather forecast telling us it’s going to be freezing today? I’m definitely not sold on that one.

Seasonal thought

T’was steamish and the Window Panes
Did lose their View to Ghostly Haze.
    Someone busy cooking the Christmas dinner?

Inaccurate inclusions

“Everyone is watching XXX,” gushes the newspaper columnist. Or it could be “Everyone is doing YYY.”
    To which the only response from me and millions of others is “In your dreams, matie.” [Or luvvie]

An end in sight

The NHS is relieved to announce that the current flu epidemic seems to be reaching a peak and it hasn’t been as bad as the initial panic suggested.
    No surprise there; pessimism always wins.
    Just the same, it has been bad and the strike by juvenile doctors for 30% more pay didn’t help. So let’s wish all of the eager strikers a very unmerry Xmas and custard.

Coming soon?

Not being able to claim unfair dismissal because you don’t have a job is a violation of your uman bluddy rights. How long before some tribunal judge comes up with that?

Too much, man!

Over a million more Epstein document to be trawled over? What have they got? A stash of his shopping lists since he learned to write?
    Zillions of bucks migrating into the pockets of lawyers. That’s what it’s all about really.

The True Message!

Who’da thunk it? This Christmas is all about fat jabs. [well, some newspaper scribes would have us believe this]
    Don’t be tempted to have an extra one or skip them, hold fast to your established routine.
    Watch your diet and go for things packed with protein.
    Delay the drinking for as long as you can manage.
    And so on and on and on.
    [Well, they have to write about something]

Deferably not misleading

Isn’t Justice Sec. Dippy Dave Lammy a lucky guy! Every time he bogs up, there’s always an underling spokes ready to stand up and lie for him, no matter how blatant the blunder.

Flexibility vs fraud

The Financial Conduct Authority is trusting banks to set a limit higher than £100 for card trasactions made without entering a PIN. The regulator thinks this will make banks beef up their anti-fraud security.
    Even though nothing much is expected to happen when the change comes into force in March of next year, alarmists are already yelling about banking plastic with no spending limit creating catastrophe. Like they do.

It’s all about the money

FIFA is getting another booting. Traditional fan parks, where the ones without tickets can watch a match on a large screen, are for free. But they won’t be in the USA.

G#&!rrr

The experts have got round to confirming what everyone else has known for ages. Swearing gets people fired up and they make more of an effort to get something done when things go wrong or they’re facing a challenge.

An alternative to protecting the enviromint

Iceland has the best of all excuses for sabotaging a development programme. It all comes to a dead stop if some local claims the building work would disturb the imaginary elves, which are supposed to be all over the place and part of the native culture.
    Elf site tourism and environmental concerns are also involved but not mentioned.

Just a trifle excessive?

For statistical purposes, the police and prosecution service in Scotland have a 33-day festive period running from December 1st to January 2nd.
    This allows them to chalk up world record levels of murders and other crimes during the festering season.

If only

All I want for Xmas is a break from ancient Epstein garbage.

Christmas bonanza

Fast delivery, the advert boasts. Negated by even faster theft.
    The value of parcels dumped at doorsteps by delivery drivers is set to reach the £1 billion level either this year or next year at the present rate of growth. This is always a guess as an unknown number of thefts go unreported and the cost is just added on to some company’s cost base and passed on to the customers.

Another distraction

Something being agitated for in 2026 is an emergency national census to find out where the over 4 million incomers since the 2021 census are parked.
    Which will run again into the problems of people who don’t speak English and those who disappeared into the background. Plus the cost, of course, which is significant as throwing even more of our money at areas where incomers refuse to integrate is a large part of the agenda.

Job still vacant

Some remains found at Beachy Head were declared those of the first woman of African origin to arrive in Britain. Wrong! Further examination and DNA results have confirmed that she was a local English girl who grew up in Eastbourne 2,000 years ago.

No way, Jose

An advert for a January ‘reset’ [in a gym advert] during some NFL hilites got a lot of mocking laughter @ the Mansion. The word has been hopelessly tainted with bad associations by the treachery and sell-outs of Smarmer’s Army.

Blatant Labour swindle rapped

The man supposed to be in charge of local elections, C. Bryant, the notorious internet Captain Underpants, is trying to shift the blame for postponing local elections from the government to the councilors who will lose their jobs.
    The Electoral Commission has given Serbia Smarmer and his stooge a booting and declared that the 63 council elections due next year should go ahead as planned, and councillors should not be allowed to decide how long they keep their fists in the public pocket.

What they do

The latest Labour scam is to grab money from council funding in wealthy areas in an attempt to buy support where Reform UK is a threat. Combined with cancelling local elections to prevent Reform from winning, of course.
    No surprise that every council will charge more for less in the coming tax year.

Minor concession

Severely booted over its World Cup ticket prices, FIFA is now offering a few hundred cut-price tickets for every match.
    Members of official supporters’ clubs will be able to get a ticket for just £45. If they can beat odds like those for winning the National Lottery.

Following on

Feeling left out, resistant doctors in Scotland are leaping out on strike in the middle of next month.

Bargain battle

‘STOP! BEFORE SPENDING £200 OR MORE ON A SMART WATCH...’ said the advert.
    Don’t buy our watch and you can avoid spending just £54.94. And, no doubt, feel just as pleased with yourself.

Desperation row

A dishonest PM invites 63 local councils to cancel their overdue and due elections so that the voters can’t tell him how unpopular stroke reviled his government has become. So much for his image as an honest broker.
    Typically confused, Eddie ‘Horizon Hero’ Gravy, the Trivial leader, is accusing the Conservatives of being part of this Smarmer scam. But not Reform UK. Weird.

Not bovvered?

The Home Secretary is getting a booting for failing to force tech firms to put a kill-switch in pocket phones to reduce thefts. Too much like hard work?

Rogue Maths

Are the odds against winning a pair of million-quid jackpots on the Notional Robbery really 24 trillion to one? Of course, they aren’t, laughed my expert.
    Each lottery draw is a separate event. Past results have no effect on the current draw and the odds against winning remain exactly the same for past winners and new punters for every draw.
    Where does the 24 trillion come front? A newspaper sub-editor trying to create an attention grabbing headline, even if it’s junk.

Interesting revelation

News to me but an item in the Sunday Post told me that 40% of companies advertised ‘ghost’ jobs in 2024. That’s jobs that didn’t exist, but for which people could apply and be rejected.
    All in the cause of pretending that the companies were doing well and growing. Not something that has any credibility now that Smarmer’s Army has kyboshed recruitment.

Further failure

Tax-dodger Angrier Rayner might be sitting on the naughty step at the moment but her job-wrecking workers’ rights Bill is going ahead with its economy destroying agenda.

Dodgy declaration

Why would anyone think the Culture Sec.’s declaration that the BierBC is ‘an institution like no other’ is a Good Thing? One would hope that other institutions don’t have an irredeemable left-wing bias, don’t go in for one scandal after another and don’t have the POTUS chasing them for ten billion bucks.
    And it’s not much of an excuse for making the Beeb’s output pay-per-view on top of the tax already being extracted.

No flu barrier

The science says virus particles are smaller than the pores in the masks which politicians want to inflict on us. Confirming that polytics is all about the appearance of doing something rather than actually doing it. Sheer “cling to nurse for fear of something worse” syndrome. Which seems to be the main argument for not binning Serbia Smarmer.

Back at it

After some time off, the Border Farce boats are back to importing illegal immigrants from the Channel. As usual, the government is doing nothing to stop them.

Blame it on the builders

The latest theory about the Canterbury Embroidery is that it was created to be displayed in a new refectory that was due to be added to St. Augustin’s Abbey.
    But the refectory took 50 years to build and the embroidery, which had been put in a box and stashed somewhere, had been forgotten about when the building work was completed in the middle of the 12th century.
    And it remained in its box until the 15th century, when it was rediscovered and moved to Bayeux in Normandy to become a tapestry.

Excursion from the real world

How desperate can you get to do a survey about something or other? How about the politics of Santa? Respondents decided that this imaginary creature is a looney Leftie who votes Green. And the Charles Dickens character E. Scrooge would vote for Reform UK. If they had a vote. Which they don’t.

Tone-deaf and boring

Pantone making a shade of white described as ‘lofty’ and ‘billowy’ its Colour of the Year has got the usual suspects yelling about rachelism. No one surprised.

Just more ranting

You always hope that politicians will grow up but you just know it’s not possible. When Labour major donor D. Vince blamed Israel’s destruction of Gaza for the terrorist massacre at Bondi Beach, there were yells for Labour to return the £6 million Vince has donated. Lots of the yells from politicians who know ‘like that’s ever going to happen’ is the rule in cases like this.

No smoking

The Epstein industry in the USA is up in arms over the failure of the Dept. of Justice to release files packed with smoking guns and stuff out of which they can make lotz of dosh.

Variable response

Three-quarters of the juvenile doctors are reported to have ignored the first day of the long, long weekend strike. But not everywhere. 80% of them didn’t turn up for work in militancy strongholds.

Bogus camera flashes

Defective speed cameras on ‘smart’ motorways and A-roads which are part of the Strategic Road Network have been subjecting drivers to undeserved speeding fines since January of 2021. Thousands of motorists are now in line for compenbluddysation. Taxpayers are advised to brace themselves for another Thievin grab to fill this latest Brown Hole.

‘No’ means ‘ignore’

A government ‘consultation’ on its plans to let A.I companies indulge in wholesale copyright theft has gone horribly wrong. It got a Yes vote of 3% and a No vote of 88%.
    The government is expected to shrug off this minor inconvenience, following its usual custom & practice and ‘to hell with the customers’ policy.

What is it, then?

That’s the reason why reason-resistant doctors are still on strike today in pursuit of 30% more pay which they haven’t earned.

Epic fail

You open a bag of Sensations Festive Edition crisps, scoff half a dozen, and have to look at the bag to know which flavour they’re supposed to be. Decidedly unsensational.

Just improperganda

Did the country vote for change at the last general election, as Labour’s apologists insist? Just 20% of the electorate picked Labour and we got Smarmer’s Army thanks to Vote Reform, Get Labour. Which means that the answer to the initial question is a resounding “No!”

Bier blame-free for once

Failed tax dodger Angrier Rayner is getting the credit for a Labour plan to concrete over sports pitches and playing fields in pursuit of the party’s unachievable and ridiculous target of building 1,500,000 new homes by 2029.
    Sports halls and theatres are also under threat.

One way of winning

Why is the leader of the Greens the least unpopular political party leader? Probably because he behaves like a total nutter; even more so than Horizon Hero Eddie Gravy of the Trivials; and he has the least chance of becoming PM, which means that his damage potential is severely limited.

No Xmas cheer for stores

A survey by the Yorkshire Building Society has found that family budgets for the festering season are down by a quarter compared to last year. Guess which Fantasist is getting the blame for hoovering up the lost cash.

The numbers game

Reform UK might be setting world records for the number of party members per MP as Labour slumps, but with just 4 MPs (is it?), they remain little more than noises off.

Wheels coming off a scam

What’s the wierdest thing about COPout 30, the festival for global warming swindlers held in Brazil, which achieved nothing at all? Has to be that the mighty gang of hangers on were told on their first day not to flush toilet paper.
    This raises the question of what they were supposed to do with it. Stick it in a plastic bag and take it home with them? The shindig’s press releases had nothing to say on this essential topic.
p.s. It’s interesting that Epstein associate Bill Gates, inventor of MicroSoft, was all in favour of the scam when it developed 40 years ago. He has now gone off it.
p.p.s. 6 million dead this century caused by gorbal warmage, was the pitch of the Extinction Rebellion founder 6 years ago. Total BS, of course.

Non-achievement on tap

If Bier Smarmer claimed that his government’s No. 1 Mission is growth, and he has lied about everything else, no one has an excuse for being surprised that the UK economy is sliding into a recession. After all, we do have a Labour government.

Expected craziness

In the current climate of prethetic wonkosity, it’s surprising that NFL players who make a ‘first down’ gesture after they’ve made one for their team don’t draw a flag for taunting and damaging the mental bluddy ’elf of their opponents. Same with the ones who pretend a catch wasn’t made and similar gestures.

More brown, not green

The operators of the Drax wood-burning power station are hoping to burn even more Canadian forests to power an A.I data centre. Which will make its green energy claims even more laughable.

Pitch Imperfect

The Fantasist of the Exchequer’s bootings over the pre-budget shambles include one from the chair of the Commons Treasury select committee.
    The lady chairperson accused Thievin of abandoning the usual pitch-rolling to warn markets what to expect from the budget to prevent alarm in favour of tossing grenades at the pitch and turning it into a right shambles.

In depth analysis

The latest budget by the Fantasist of the Exchequer achieved a ‘comprehensive’ rating. Not only were the campaign of pre-budget leaks and the content of the budget idiotic, so was the timing of its delivery at the fag end of the year.

Cute observation

There are now so many Tory defectors in Reform UK that it has become the Conservative party with a new brand label.

Also out of the real world

What’s all this garbage about ‘sex assigned at birth’? Are we expected to believe that unborn kids are just an amorphous blob of jelly, which suddenly acquires a sex when the blob pops into the world?

The shrug of unrecoverability

The snivel service has decided not to bother trying to chase up the £11 BILLION paid out to fraudsters during the pandemic. Too much like hard work.

Out of the real world

Ultimately out of touch – a tribunal judge who claims that saying someone has an ‘angry face’ is rachelist. On what planet?

Grrrr!

Bier Smarmer whinges at juvenile doctors who are doing their 14th strike since their ridiculous pay demand made in 2023. They take no bloody notice. No one surprised.

More chemical shaping

An American company is working toward a treatment for fat cats. Not fat jabs like the ones humans get, though. Tubby felines will get a slow-release implant which will last for six months. 50% of the UK’s cats are thought to be obese. The Mansion cat would like it known that she is not one of that half of the feline population.

In perspective

The FIFA Peace Prize; with a nod in the direction of Mission Impossible . . .

 

Yankspeak?

“And he is renkled by Wanart,” the NFL commentator seemed to say. I wonder what he was trying to tell us?

Phew!

What’s a really daft things for a skydiver to do? An Aussie member of a formation team has set the bar by releasing his reserve chute (by accident) and getting the canopy tangled up in the aircraft’s tail. The bloke managed to cut himself free and deploy his main chute, but then he found he couldn’t steer when cords of the reserve chute got tangled up with the main one. But he suffered just minor leg injuries from an uncontrolled landing.

Could well be

The latest theory on why the Labour lot are buying welfare votes instead of spending money on our defence requirements is that they expect to keep their jobs after Put’n’s puppeteers take over here. So no need to worry.

A nation of skivers

Analysis of benefits claims has shown that millions of those who had their payments cut under the Conservatives for being unwilling to work are now grabbing disability payments for mental ’elf ishues under a lax Labour regime.

Get digging, lads

A Scottish charity is warning that a modest World Cup trip could leave fans in a 10-grand debt hole. Still, being chased by firms that loaned the money and bailiffs should give footie fans something to do until the next World Cup comes along.
    And with the tickets for the grand final STARTING at three grand, the FIFA rip is way past off.

But is it worth it?

Scoffing the theobromine in dark chocolate, the experts reckon, helps people to live longer. It also helps them to pay more in taxes when inflation takes their income above frozen-solid tax thresholds.

Malvina Malevolence?

The president of Argentina made a visit to the UK in the week just gone to try to get a ban on arms sales cancelled. He claims that Argentina will take over the Falkland Islands and all their resources quite soon by diplomatic means, but he must reckon that having some guns for another invasion is a better option with a Labour government shrinking the UK’s Armed Forces to invisibility.

You’re doomed!

Mugs who go for alcohol-free ‘wine’ are not getting a healthy alternative to the real thing, the experts reckon. The bottles are sugar-bombs containing all sorts of chemical additives and e-numbers and artificial colouring agents.
    Okay for a small, occasional delicate slurp, most definitely not something to be consumed regularly via multiple glassfuls.

Make work, make work!

President Trump’s latest Bright Idea for Job Creation is to insist on scrutiny of five years’ anti-social media postings by visa applicants hoping to attend the World Cup in order to keep out everyone who has displayed anti-Americanism.
    That should shorten the dole queues a whole lot!

The real ishue

The strike by juvenile doctors used to be about not enough training places to advance careers. But the moment they were on offer, it was back to the real demand. More bluddy money.

More not me, Gov

The Fantasist of the Exchequer is moaning about too many pre-budget leaks. That’s the woman who was responsible for most of them. Ain’t life grand in her fantasy world?
    Oh, yes. And picking the pockets of working people by freezing tax thresholds; something she was dead against when not in office; was extended for 3 more years to get everyone to contribute more to Labour’s trade-union pay-masters.

Reckless Endangerment

The NHS is supposed to be in a desperate financial crisis yet its bosses can find millions to chuck at puberty blocker experiments done on confused kids and the legal trade, with the full approval of the Health Sec. who banned the drugs.
    Which means what? Wee Streeting didn’t understand the Cass Report?

Public Sector Pillocks

What is the best way to prevent dangerous cladding from being removed from tower blocks? Put a qango in charge of the job. Thus the Building Safety Regulator is getting a booting for tying everything up in red tape and actually stopping refurbishment dead in its tracks.

Pull the other one

Did the economy shrink by 0.1% in October ‘unexpectedly’? That is total bullshit. The shrinkage was entirely expected given the flood of lies and fake news pouring out of the Treasury and every other part of the government; with the full approval of Bier Smarmer; during the run-up to the latest disastrous budget.

Smart bites dumber

The UK is paying a moron premium of at least £7 billion/year due to lenders who have no confidence in Labour’s Fantasist ramping up borrowing costs to world-leading levels.

No grabbers!

What’s the hot bet of the moment? How many pubs will have a sign up saying: ‘No Labour MPs’ by the end of the year.
    The current number is over 50 and accelerating as a protest against the Fantasist’s aim to shove up the rates on some pubs by as much as 400%.

Squirm & Smarm do harm

The UN Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination has delivered a severe booting to the Lord Squirmer/Serbia Smarmer betrayal deal to hand the Chagos Islands to Mauritius and China.
    The scam will prevent those removed from their islands and their descendants from returning to their ancient homeland and deny them their ’uman bluddy rights.

Number deficit

The National Audit Office has found that the Home Office isn’t bothering to check whether migrants have gone missing since they arrived here. Worst, the HO has no accurate figures on how much is spent on hotels, legal aid, taxis, NHS treatment, etc. for migrants.
    And there is also no idea how much of our money is wasted by bureaucraps and stolen. And there are no figures on deportation attempts and whether they succeeded or failed.

A bucketful of salt needed

A couple of days before this weekend, the Met Office was trying to frighten us with a HUGE blue rain blob over where I live at 6 p.m. on Saturday and solid rain through to Monday.
    Surprise! All the rough weather was well north of us on yesterday’s (Saturday’s) weather map and the usual pavement ponds were empty today. Just some light drizzle for those brave enough to venture out to the shops.

Yecchh!

Is there anything sicker than a gang of people parked at the bedside of someone who’s about to croak, as portrayed in a recent Midsomer Murders repeat? Probably a merciful release for the soon-to-croak if it’s not an essential plot device.

Getting in on the act

The Bank of England is looking to shed hundreds of its 5,700 employees to help with Labour’s campaign to keep unemployment at record levels.

Dementia don’t matter

The latest bit of ultra-cynicism about Smarmer’s Army is that Labour  isn’t bothered about the diagnosis and treatment of dementia as it affects only old people who don’t vote Labour.

A city’s sad fate

Maybe it’s just as well that Glasgow has the lowest life expectancy in the UK if it has the highest rate of ‘economic inactives’ and one-third of the kids don’t have English as their first language. And then there are the gangs of beggars, too.

Total Tripehounds (almost)

Despite all the propaganda, internet influencers are less trusted than politicians, which takes some doing. Yet a huge 6% of surfing mugs still believe what the influenzas dish up to collect dosh from the advertisments around their offerings. Most the the mugs are gullible GenZers.

Dodgy Deals

The latest things to be very afraid of is party balloons which are being sold on the internet. They are loaded with cancer-causing nitrosamines, scrutiny by Which? has found. The retailers identified by the consumer guide have all removed the potentially lethal products from their range.

Could be sneaky

Is a trigger warning about ghosts in a production of the Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol a veiled pop at the deficiencies of the education system? It certainly looks like one if the theatre assumes that members of the audience won’t know the story and they won’t be expecting to see ‘ghosts’.

Failed again

The Metropolitan Police farce needs to be put back into administration, is the conclusion of a review of the 3 years with Sir M. Rowley as the Commish.
    Demonstrators have more rights than real people and protests get more leniency the more Moslem they are. Burglars and muggers are free to do their thing, and the Sadgeek mayor is totally useless in the job of police overseer.

More fantasies

The hospitality industry is giving the government a booting over a plan to blow £280 million on giving youngsters jobs in pubs. That’s jobs that aren’t there because taxes on pubs have destroyed them.
    You can’t subsidize people into jobs that no longer exist, the Work Sec. is being told. Not that he’s listening, of course.
    Also, the Work bloke is getting a booting over being Smarmer with the truth of when he received guidance on the code of practice for women’s rights. There’s a lot of official deafness about if the Equalities bod is stalling over this ishue, which goes back to the High Court ruling on sex vs gender back in April.

Like a hole in the head?

The Prime Fantasist, a complete stranger to the truth and reality, would have us believe that the nation needs tax-dodger Angrier Robot back in the Cabinet.
    As Bier lies go, this is really prethetic.

Oh, dear

Fat-jabs are being blamed for everything, particularly by people who have a national newspaper page to fill up. The latest scream comes from a study in Canada, however.
    Fat-jabs can age users by up to a decade if they fail to do strength training to build back lost muscle eroded with the fat.

Awoken

Glasgow University is being mocked for dumping trigger warnings for students on children’s books by Lewis Carroll, E. Nesbit and Enid Blyton.
    And also on the first Harry Potter book by J.K. Rowling, which came out in 1997.
    “Such warnings are more about the twisted attitudes of today’s academics than the content of these books” is the opinion of a leading literary figure.

One way to do it

What’s a sure road to a best-seller? Be president of France for a while, get sent to gaol for 3 weeks for corruption and get your prison diary published.

Credibility Abyss

Here, the government blames the rising costa living on the Tories, Brexit and anything else other than the Fantasist’s tax grabs and trashing the economy with Bier’s full approval.
    Across the pond, President Trump is blaming everything on the Democraps. But, as here, the customers are not buying the Blessed Leader’s alibis.
    “More mugs them” is all there can be said about the Yanks if they believed Trump’s claim that he would make America affordable again.

Hand in your pocket

Anyone going to a music event can expect a huge rise in ticket prices thanks to the Fantasist’s tax raids. Large arenas expect their prices to be double what they are now in 3 years’ time thanks to Thievin.
    Something only juvenile doctors will be able to afford after they strike their way to another 30% pay rise?

No problem for us

It’s quite strange, reading about the chaos caused by Storm B in parts of the country earlier in the week and being unable to relate to any of it. Things were a bit wet and windy around the Mansion but there were lots of sunny spells. The builder clearly chose a part of the country which is isolated from desperate weather.
    Although, having seen the forecast for Saturday evening through to Monday, we could be in for something nasty.

Free ride for scroungers

Airlines, I read on the Boris Johnson page of the Daily Disaster are being taken for mugs. Passengers who don’t want to stand in queues are claiming they’re disabled and demanding a wheelchair with pusher.
    As a result, vast numbers of wheelchairs load planes with people who have no problem with walking about when they get to their destination.
    Of course, all the wheelchairers pile costs onto the fares of the able-bodied and non-scroungers. But that is something no one in authority is prepared to tackle.

How Strange

Despite warnings of a worst ever winter flu season, thanks to the contribution of the striking juvenile docs, NHS front-line staff are not bovvering to get a flu jab.
    Uptake is less than one-third in most areas, and it’s even as low as 10% in some.

Self-harm on steroids

The Labour party is nothing if not masochistic if a majority of members seriously wants to replace the dishonest Serbia Smarmer with Edstone Milipede, the man who can’t tackle a bacon butty.
    It’s no secret that Serbia Smarmer is hopeless as a leader. But the experts are warning that his likely replacement; if not dotty Milipede; would just make things worse and dumping him would be bad for the economy.

Tough job

The recipe for being someone with a weekly newspaper page to fill seems to be being female and having an infinite number of things going wrong with your body and your life.

Yeah, Right

Serbia Smarmer has claimed that a deal to hand £8 billion of frozen Put’nstani assets to Ukraine will be made ‘in days’. That’s this week. So if it hasn’t happened by Monday of next week, it can be written off as another Bier lie.
    That’s how much credibility he now has.

Poverty created by design

Thanks to Daily Disaster readers, I now know that child poverty is based on an arbitrary percentage of the guesstimated national median income after another guess at housing costs has been included. And that the definition means that there will always be kids living in poverty, even if everyone were getting a sub of a million pounds per year.
    Which makes what is called child poverty just another political and snivel service fantasy.

Our fate

The only things you can rely on when it comes to the cost of energy are that the price here will be the highest in the world and every time a government minster mentions it, a new world record for dishonesty will be set.

Emptier Wallets

The cash-for-benefits budget achieved the fastest decline ever in jobs; down 1.8% in November; since July of 2021 when the Chinese plague was rampant. A further 0.2% decline is expected over the next year.
    All this means that the next Chancellor will be grabbing another £30-50 billion at the end of 2026. Groan. Not that public sector jobs are affected by the decline, which is being inflicted on just the wealth-creating private sector.

Keeps them busy

One of them there studies; this one done by the Asda chief test chef; would have us believe that gravy is the make or break element of a Christmas meal. And it also takes a pop at fathers for scoffing a lot more than their fair share.
    “Where there is no division, we shall create some!”

He don’t care

An inquest has declared Put’n the Poisoner morally responsible for the death of Dawn Sturgess, who was collateral damage in the attempt to murder ex-spy S. Skripal and his daughter with novichok.
    But can a puppet with no morals be morally responsible for anything?
    And is there anything other than not a bloody chance when it comes to compenbluddysation for taking a life through incompetence?

Eyes on the lot

The next step for the surveillance society is strapping A.I systems on to cameras to identify persons of interest by the way they walk, the emotions they display and their shifty eyes. In fact, everything is fair game - clothing and shoes, bags, vehicles, everything.

Woke assault

Scotland’s farmers are in trouble with the SNP/Greens government for not being diverse enough. They are mainly old, white, normal men, and sexual deviants, people from Africa and Asia, and Moslems are severely lacking in the industry.
    Worse, the Scottish branch of the Notional Farmers’ Union is trying to browbeat its members into joining in with homosexual parades. Even worse, the Scottish government is going to waste £3 million over the next three years on making farmers more cosmetically acceptable. One shudders to think how this will be done.

Messy maniacs

A bunch of attention-seekers think they can promote their cause by dumping manure in front of the Christmas tree in a posh hotel and smearing apple crumble on display cases in the Tower of London.
    And given Labour’s slack response to vandalism, they’ll get away with it without receiving a slap on the wrist and being obliged to cough up the cost of clearing up their mess.

Catch 22½

The NHS in Scotland is in a doom loop of the sort created in the economy by Smarmer’s Fantasist. There is a desperate shortage of nursing staff north of the border, and over one-third of those still in NHS jobs are considering leaving because they don’t feel safe working with such low staffing levels.

Well, maybe!

It has been pointed out that the current Fantasist of the Exchequer can’t be economical with the truth (the roundabout way of saying she’s lying) because she’s rubbish at economics.

No damage

Good news for some supermarkets – the fat-jabbers are eating less but spending the same amount of money, or even more, on posher brands and foods with a lower bulking additive content.

A matter of misinterpretation

There seems to be a shortage of imagination in the Untied States, which has led all sort of characters to go digging into ancient classics, such as the children’s book The Wizard of Oz, and writing their own script around it.
    This suggests that in the 22nd century, their fantasies will be getting the same treatment by another gang of fantasists. And so it goes on and on.

Never-ending deluge

The alleged ‘inquiry’ into how the Chinese plague pandemic was handled has already cost us two bloody hundred million quid. Now, we hear that the government has blown another hundred bloody million quid on its prethetic response.

Really, really trying

It’s not immediately clear that a picture of a tiled steam room at the J. Epstein Caribbean island retreat shows somewhere which had any sinister purpose, but the myth-makers would like us to make this assumption.
    Same with a picture of a rather basic bedroom and one with a 4-poster bed. Also, a picture of an African warrior bronze and one of a dental surgury with weird-looking masks with men’s faces on the walls. Which is creepy rather than sinister.

Strange days

You’re sitting at a laptop, getting some things up to date, then you decide to have a tea-break because it’s five to three. Then you notice you need to switch the room light on.
    Looks like we’re still going to have to deal with dark, wet December afternoons despite all the panic about global warming and climate change.

Pushing the logic

If a Fantasist claims she was a junior chess champion but she wasn’t, is there some sort of discrepancy there? Not if she don’t live in the real world like the rest of us.

The no Nobel Prize prize

The president of FIFA has been awarded the inaugural World’s Creepiest Crawler medal for presenting the football world’s inaugural Peace Prize medal to President Trump.
    The crawling involved declaring that the bloke who spreads discord and dyspepsia wherever he goes is a promoter of peace and unity around the world.

Eyes on you

If you see poles topped with gadgets being deployed where you live, it’s part of the surveillance society that our Prime Fantasist wants to create. Even the smallest village will have spying eyes looking for people the police need to arrest. Except that there won’t be any coppers in remote areas to do that and it’s all another Labour waste of our money.
p.s. The ’uman bluddy rights mob think that the facial recognition used by the Metropolitan Police is unlawful, so bumps in the road to Smarmer’s paradise.

A sell-out stays just that

President Trump may be outraged that President Zelenskiy hasn’t read his latest plan for selling Ukraine down the river, but it has to be just political posturing by the Yankee honcho.
    Even Trump can’t expect anyone to take his latest gift to Put’n the Poisoner’s puppeteers seriously.

Scaredy-Cat

Bier Smarmer is also getting a booting for booting elections for four cosmetic mayors down the road to 2028. Why? Because Reform UK is odds on to win them under the present rules. Which is why the elections will go ahead under a new system which is rigged in Labour’s favour.
    Worse, all the millions of pounds of our money spent on preparing for elections in 2027 has been wasted. But waste is the Labour way, let us not forget.
    Even worse, Labour is taking the local out of elections by creating a new tier of vast strategic authorities controlled only by Labour stooges.

In defence of tiers

How can you tell this came from a Labour peer – Baroness Levitt reckons that judges are better trial arbiters than a jury of real people because judges get diversity training and they know who to let off on woke grounds.
    You can tell how bad an idea judge-only trials is from support having to come from the likes of Diane Abbottt, who is currently disconnected from the Labour party for anti-Semitism.

Just Tough

The juvenile doctors are also getting a booting for holding a strike as the worst ever flu season gets worse with no peak in sight. Not that most of them are bovvered if all that matters to them is how much money they can screw out of a useless Labour government.

Spot on

This government is so useless that it can’t even be bothered to lie properly. Wise words from T. Barker Bowles, son of Queen Camilla.

Biased Beeb Booted

Reform UK leader N. Farage came up with the ideal response to the BierBC’s attempts to stick the rachelist label on him – daring to notice the double standards.
    The BierBC’s output 50 years ago included the sort of programmes which get trigger warnings now, but there’s no sign of the Beeb hanging its collective heads in shame over something that wasn’t shameful at the time. And still ain’t now, if it comes to the crunch. Thus there ain’t no beef against Mr. Farage.

More wisdom

Based on a study of just 31 cats, researchers at Ankara U. have concluded that cats talk more to male hosts than female hosts because men make less of a fuss of them.
    When confronted with this news, the Mansion cat walked over to a fairly well-stocked feeding dish and sat down beside it. Which is an invitation to give her a sprinkling of cat treats. Not a sound uttered.

No mystery

Is there a molecule of surprise in the news that America has more billionaires than we can ever have? No chance. Anyone with a billion or more quid here gets the Hell out of Dodge at their best speed before some lying Labour Fantasist can steal it.

Visible Warning

A correspondent has suggested that the juvenile doctors, who have upset Health Sec. Wee Streeting so much with their intransigence, should have to be tattoo’d on the forehead with a bold JD if they inhabit picket lines so that members of the public can opt to walk on by if they ever see one in trouble and in need of assistance.

More legal tiers

It’s official. If you suffer from extreme sensitivity and an inability to take criticism when you screw up, you’re entitled to a bucketful of compenbluddysation if you get the right judge for your tribunal.

Sort of legal at last

Took them long enuff but the Brownies and Guides have decided not to let boys who say they are girls become members. Curiously, this rule doesn’t apply to adult volunteers.

More Shambles

The decision on whether to let China build a mega-embassy and dungeon over sensitive communications infrastructure and make it oh, so easy for enemies of our state to tap into that infrastructure has been booted down the road a bit more.

An absence of common sense

The failure to prosecute the two men accused of spying for China was government conspiracy-free, an inquiry has declared. It was all down to the shambolic state of Smarmer’s Army and the current Director of Public Prostitutions. They were just too thick to understand the significance of the evidence.

How the truth hurts some people!

More from the OBR – the Treasury failed to do anything about pre-budget leaks and kite-flying despite a string of warnings from the OBR about the damage being done to the economy.
    And there was further repetition of the truth that Thievin’s Brown Hole in the economy was a black lie as the OBR continues to set the record straight.

The politics of irrelevance

On what US President Roosevelt branded as Infamy Day, it was reported that the SNP honcho called the Reform UK honcho rachelist for daring to notice that one third of Glasgow schoolkids don’t have English as their first language.
    The name-calling had to be political BS and the observation by Mr. Farage isn’t rachelism if it’s factual. In fact, the only rachelism is coming from Mr. Swiney of the SNP.

Labour really does hate us

The Notional Crime Agency is busting criminal gangs which are doing us the favour of smuggling illegals OUT of the UK to France! Certainly a lot more than Bier Smarmer’s one in, one out, one back scam is moving.
    No danger of the bosses of the NCA being sent to gaol for gross misconduct in a public office, though.

Another distraction

Is there public concern about a few Royals getting a cheap deal on where they live? Nope. But seeking to move some indignation away from their eternal screw-ups, Smarmer’s Army are going to do a probe into Royal rents in order to look busy. Yawn.

End of the line

The Danish postal ‘service’ will give up on letters at the end of this year. Parcels only from 2026 on. Anyone wanting to send a letter will have to find an alternative service. Something that will happen here when the Czech billionaire who’s taking over the Royal Mail gets down to business?

Today’s Question

Is it an inevitable consequence of putting a woman in the job for the first time ever that the current Chancellor is a busted flush?

Another Cliché

The OBR’s website manager putting the response to the budget where people clever enuff to guess the URL could find it wasn’t ‘catastrophic’. It was just a tiny blip compared to the actual catastrophes we’re getting from Smarmer’s Army.
    Furthermore, the escape of the OBR’s opinion wasn’t a leak if there was no link included in the website and the guessers found it from the URL. Which means that every news media outlet which goes on about a leak is offering fake news.
    Not that we’re not used to that, of course.

Cliché Zone

Was the Liz Truss budget disastrous? Look at the graph and it’s just a blip lasting about 6 weeks.
    Nothing at all compared with the disaster inflicted on the economy by Smarmer’s Army and his Fantasist.
    But, sadly for the real people in the country, the Truss budget is now a cliché, which brain-dead journos and the lying-Left will continue to deploy. Yawn.

Not involved at all

Sometime Labour anti-corruption minister Tulip Siddiq, MP, will not be taking a break in Bangladesh to serve a 2-year prison sentence for . . . corruption.
    Nor will she be paying a £600 fine. Her aunt, who was the PM of Bangladesh for 15 years, will not be taking a break from her exile in India either.

Some relief?

Prince Andrew has been able to shed the last of those tedious titles, allowing him to get on with his life without having to associate with boring commoners.

Telling them

Anyone who throws a wobbly whilst watching the next ancient programme if a jerk and so is anyone who sticks a trigger warning in front of it.

Fantasy on steroids

If you’re a cross-dresser with tattoo’d legs who’s been convicted of molesting a young girl, what’s your response? How about the jury was hypnotized into delivering the guilty verdict!

An abundance of hedgeroom

The Fantasist is active, is the opinion of the rest of the Cabinet (except Bier). Is that a Good Thing?
    Not if she’s radioactive and contaminating everyone else. That’s in addition to the horseshit which Ministers are accusing Lord Squirmer of flinging around in the far-Left press.

Sacked for telling the truth

Was it the website company which made the OBR response to the budget prematurely available guilty of a catastrophic error? In terms of its reputation for competence and the job of the boss of the OBR, definitely.
    In terms of the economy, no. And it did have the spin-off of shining further light on the extent of the dishonesty of Thievin Reeves and Freebie Smarmer.
p.s. A liar who lies about telling lies slips across the border under ‘the product of two negatives is a positive’ rule. But scores nul points for integrity.

We wish!

No bouncing bimbo in the ViewTube hilites of the Thursday nite NFL match. Dare we hope the serial killer has got to her?

More stately bloat

Something else the Fantasist, this unfortunate nation’s No. 1 HUTAgonian, Bogged Up Big Time on – a Daily Disaster reader spotted that at least 3 of her budget scams will mean more snivel servants as there is no one currently grabbing these new taxes off the customers.
p.s. Something else the Fantasist lied about – her claim that business rates will be at a 30-year low. Not if they’re going up by 400% in some cases and lots of pubs will close.

Special interest

A community group in Notting Hill, London, is annoyed because the owner of a mansion has had an electric fence installed to keep the local foxes off his millionaire-row pad.
    The community group is claiming it’s a danger to public safety. Local burglars at risk of electrocution?

Can we be mates? Pleeeez!

The Reform UK stance against woke has got the major universities infected with it, e.g. Cambridge, rather worried about their funding. They are now trying to build bridges with the party of the future.

More Tiers

On the one hand, we’re told that stopping violence against women and girls is a national priority.
    On the other hand, the government is content to boot it down the road for a decade.

A bin-worthy plan

Justice Sec. Dippy Dave has been warned that judge-only trials will put judges at risk of violence from criminal gangs. Maybe.

Distraction

When you see a woman with green-dyed hair talking about child poverty on the news, your reaction tends to be wondering how much the dye job cost rather than taking in what she’s telling you she can’t afford.

Cor blimey, Guv!

F.O.I.A.! A judge has ruled that a female health worker who is using a male name and pronouns, but hasn’t had the operation, is not entitled to compenbluddysation. The complainant has not changed her sex to male from female, and she needs to stop being so offended when people don’t go along with the bloke pose, the judge more or less said.

Oh, Joy!

Juvenile doctors will be on strike again in a couple of weeks as their contribution to the Christmas celebrations.

One flake of snow somewhere

I read a few days ago that there won’t be a White Christmas this year. Now, the story is that it could happen in the North of England and parts of Scotland; especially the Aberdeen area.
    Looks like the amount of guesswork in weather forecasts a few weeks ahead is still considerable.

Legal immigrants

Extensive studies across Europe and places to the south and east have concluded that the Romans invented pet cats. They were imported from Africa around 2,000 years ago; initially, as pest control agents on ships. And everywhere the Romans invaded, they took cats with them. Which is how they arrived in Britain.

War-broker

He chose to side with Put’nstan against Ukraine. What’s President Trump’s next move? The speculators are sure he’s letting China know that he won’t stand in their way if President Eleven invades Taiwan.

Rail passengers not amused

The Office of Rail & Road has gone into the ghost train business. A 7 a.m. Avanti train on the West Coast line will set off from Manchester with just a crew aboard and head for London on every weekdays.
    The ORR’s excuse for this waste of public money is that it needs a train which can be paused or diverted in the timetable in case there is trouble elsewhere on the route.
UPDATE: The ORR has been given a good booting by the Transport Sec. and the ghost trains will be allowed to carry passengers now.

Result!

What has having to watch the bouncing bimbo millions of times during NFL hilites on ViewTube achieved? A grim determination never ever to buy anything made by Sam Sung or any of his relatives.

One explanation

The number of complaints against the police reaching a record high is nothing to worry about, the Independent Office for Police Conduct reckons.
    It just means the police are telling the IOPC about more of the complaints they get.

Bruvvers disunited

The BMA trade union is getting a booting for offering its GMB minions a 2% pay rise whilst demanding 30% for the juvenile doctors in its membership.
    Tripe at 10 paces @ dawn for the BMA vs GMB showdown?

Wild West of slop

X-witter is now getting half a cheer for making a contributor’s location available.
    Mr. Musk’s acquisition has taken a mere couple of years to get round to exposing fake websites, such as ones claiming to originate in the UK, the US and Gaza when they are run by people living in the likes of India, Russia and Iran.
    Some of the fakers are trouble-makers but most are just after the income that comes from the adverts X-witter shoves around their nonsense.

Only fair

If water companies still have hosepipe bans in force now to build up stocks in reservoirs, that means they need a relentless booting to make them stop their pipes leaking so much. But will this government do it? Joke.

More out

Teachers will be out on strike next year as Smarmer’s Army is using its stonking tax rises to buy welfare votes instead of unionized tearchers’ votes.

Never gonna happen

A British tourist in the US ‘could’ face ‘up to’ 50 years in gaol for joining in the theft of 6 bottles of wine worth £30 grand? That definitely belongs in the ‘Yeah, right!’ box.

Injustice Tiers

Who told the lies about a Brown Hole in the nation’s accounts? The Fantasist of the Exchequer.
    Who got the push?
    The head of the OBR, who exposed the Fantasist’s lies.
    Well, we do have a Labour government.
p.s. Serbia Smarmer doesn’t get the push as he knew all about the lies, according to the Fantasist, but kept quiet about them.

Today’s Question

Was the online availability of the OBR opinions an hour before the Budget was aired in the Commons really a Good Thing if it deprived the usual suspects of excuses to do attention-grabbing panics when the Fantasist was doing her ‘betray the customers’ routine?

No relief

The hospitality industry is up in arms after working out what the Fantasist’s budget will do to their business rates. Rises of over 300% triggered accusations of lying and gaslighting by Thievin, who promised them reductions.
    These further accusations of betrayal are just bouncing off our dishonest Prime Fantasist as Bier never listens to his customers.

More Tiers

What do you get if you’re a Labour councillor and you keep parking your £208K flash car in a disabled bay on a council-owned car park?
    If you do it in London, away with it.

Curious repetition

Should we be suspicious of TV ads which tell us something is ‘ATOL protected’?
    If it wasn’t, they wouldn’t be able to sell the holidays. So why are they giving us this unnecessary information?

Today’s Question

Does a lying Fantasist have the excuse of not knowing she’s doing anything wrong as she is the embodiment of perfection in her fantasy?

No-Go Zone

Hosts of cats are being warned not to let their inquisitive guest into a room where there’s a Xmas tree draped with a string of electric lights.
    Cats have a habit of getting tangled up in the wiring when they climb the tree, sometimes with fatal results.

Easy money

Anyone eager to do some research need only apply for a grant to study the polluting effects of A.I toys on children. Consumer groups are sounding the alarm about the brain-rot A.Is can produce by confronting kids with adult perversions, which the kids can’t understand.

What’s in store

Prime Fantasist Smarmer’s digital I.D scam is currently costed at £1.8 billion, which is why the government is hoping people won’t ask where the money is coming from. [clue: the taxpayer, Ed.]
    Two forecasts: 1. When it starts, the cost of the scam will be around £6 billion and rising. 2. It won’t work most of the time due to sloppy I.T and over-complication.

Survey fatigue

Something else we didn’t really need to know is that the average driver forgets where he/she parked their car 6 times per year and spends an average of 13 minutes looking for it.
    Which adds up to 3½ days in a lifetime of driving. Yawn.

Set in Stone

The current First Rule of Politics – each Labour government has to exceed the number of lies told by the previous Labour regime. Which means that the one that follows Smarmer’s Army sometime in the far future will have to work extra hard.
    In the meantime, the present government is reported to be running out of lies to tell about the lies told by the Fantasist of the Exchequer in the run-up to her disastrous budget.
    The Prime Fantasist’s back office is rumoured to be looking for a cheap bulk deal of lies imported from China or Put’nstan.

One way to do it

What’s the best way to win the World’s Strongest Woman title? Be a six-foot five, 400-pound bloke who’s decided to be female.

Microsoft Outlook gloom

A correspondent has told me he was able to access his Outlook email account on the Sunday before last but when he tried again the following Tuesday, he was told the account had been locked.
    And when he tried to jump through Microsoft’s hoops to get it unlocked, he kept getting messages telling him: “Ooops! Something went wrong.”
    So now he’s going to have to go to his bank’s website and lotz of others to give them an email address that he can access. So much for the interweb making life easier and more convenient.

More tiers

Farmers weren’t allowed to bring tractors into London for a Budget demo as it would ‘seriously disrupt the life of the community’. Strange that this consideration doesn’t apply to the marches about ishues irrelevant to the UK? Not with a Labour government dependent on the Moslem vote.

More Downing Street bonkers

According to Bier Smarmer, anyone who dares to notice that his Fantasist of the Exchequer is useless is sexist. More sexist than claiming she’s beyond criticism if she’s female, Bier?
    Does Bier score any points for being the first PM to put a woman in charge of the nation’s finances? Not if she’s as useless as he is. Worse, any women who notice she’s useless are being accused of being misogynists!
p.s. The Budget’s best description is Total Ratner.

Keeps ’em busy

You’re really desperate dan for something to measure if you’re reduced to claiming that the perfect cup of tea for the building trade has to be brewed for 1 minute 53 seconds precisely.

Trial by jury not a right

Make Dippy Dave the Justice Sec. and what happens? Trial by jury will be abolished for all but the most serious cases, sez a leaked memo. Trial by judge is the replacement.
    Given the dippy decisions some judges make, not a desirable move; but we do have a Labour government . . .
p.s. If Dippy Dave said ‘criminal trials without juries are a bad idea’ back in 2020, we must assume he was just reading something given to him and he’s now repeating something else that he’s been told to say. He’s in stooge mode, in other words.

No help

Nett migration to the UK is down. Sadly, the people being put off are ones who would make a contribution to the economy and the ones being admitted in increasing numbers are scroungers.

Something Useful

What we need is an official glossary of government natter. F’rinstance, the admission that Smarmer’s Army saying: “We’re working very hard” means that bugger all is happening.

Justice delayed

What do you do if you’re busted for shoplifting from a Norfolk supermarket and you’re a copper? Say you took the stuff but claim you were suffering from temporary insanity.
    Will it work? Don’t hold your breath. The trial isn’t until August next year!