Hippocrisy galore

The Labour lot were always bitching at the Tories when they dared to fly to visit somewhere in the UK. Jonah Burnbum spent his first week whizzing around the country in a government jet. Different rulz for Labour?

Cue the next reshuffle

The sooner Jonah Burnbum gets Smarmerized, the better, if he’s going to grab a 10% death tax off all inheritances to buy more benefit votes.

Zoom

Esso petrol has gone up to 159.9p/litre and diesel is 181.9p/litre just down the road. And President $thump is reported to be clueless when it coms to sorting out the Iranians.

Today’s Observation

Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Strange that the credentials of the opinion donor are never subjected to close scrutiny.

Canadian Crunch

The Lions in Winnipeg to start Week 9. Short with a FG try from their opener. Olivera took the Blue Bombers into the red zone, on to a TD? Holding, just a FG. Back to the red zone, another FG, 0-6.
    Into Q2. Lotz of defence. Lotz of rushing by the BC QB in the last couple of minutes, Charge! for a TD, 7-6.
    The BB kicked a FG 6 minutes into Q3. The Lions were sacked to a FG try, 10-9. Sack for the Lions then a long pass to the red zone for the BB, on to a TD, 10-16. Another sack by the BB in Q4, FG for the Lions, 13-16. One for the BB.
    Scoring range for the Lions, TD, 20-19. Another big BC sprint for a TD and 28-19 with +2. The Lions recovered a fumble as time tan out, on to a 35-yard TD, 35-19. And that was enuff.

Escape route

If you want to get away from GenZers, try a beach. They are reported not to like sand being blown in their faces or invading their shoes, there are no charging points for their phones and they can’t see the screen when it’s sunny.

Bomb attack foiled

A woman who was arrested whilst driving a car containing a bomb to Northern Ireland was released on bail. A bloke suspected of being involved was held in custody. So much for sex equality for terrorists!

The actual assassin

Team Burnbum, it has been revealed, has been plotting the demise of Bier Smarmer for over a year. But it’s the current Chancellor, J. Healey, who is getting the credit, not J.B, for putting Smarmer’s coup out to gras.

Just stay away

Another good reason for not going to Europe this summer, on top of the EFU border shambles delays and the wildfires, is the arrival of West Nile virus. There is no cure for it and severe cases can become fatalities.

Not a sensible place to be

An added hazard to the residents of Bordeau is the possibility that the wildfires in their area will become explosive. There are missile and rocket factories in the region, and an army camp that’s choc-a-bloc with buried military ammunition.

Not a sensible place to build

Rebuild a shopping mall in Japan after it was badly damaged by an earthquake in 2016. Claim the rebuild has given it seismically reinforced ceilings at last month’s re-opening.
    Then what happens? The whole thing collapses thanks to an R6.8 quake this week.

Vanishing Sun

The alleged heat wave remains with us? Bright sunshine to start the day. Then dark and gloomy and solid overcast at about 10 a.m. The Met Office can paint the weather map with the brightest red it can find but we ain’t fooled.
● Things lightened up later but we’re still at 70 deg.F rather than 90 deg.F with the wind machine running.

Always a way round

Wot can the water companies do when the government bans bonuses for bosses of polluters? Just give them a stonking salary hike. Simple.

Definitely works

It has been suggested that if the Labour lot want a new emblem to replace the wilted New Labour rose, then they should go for a design that features a hood and a wink to tell the customers wot the party is really all about.

Not a solution

More business for the medical negligence lawyers – Zimmer NextGen knee implants that don’t work, leaving the customer in relentless pain.

Cesspool polyticks

For a couple of days in the middle of this month, the government was pretending that it had foiled a far-Right version of the 9/11 terrorist atrocity.
    A few days later, the ‘plot’ was exposed as a political fantasy and all the cooked-up charges were dropped.
    All this took place when the government was ordering people not to ask questions about the Anne Widdecombe murder and claiming it wasn’t terrorism. As a distraction? With the full approval of Bier Smarmer, his replacement Randy Burnbum and the then Home Sec. Mahmood?

Economical reply

A government spokes said that the running of No. 10 North will be covered by existing Cabinet Office budgets and there is no additional cost to the taxpayer.
    He failed to add that those budgets will be inflated to conceal the extra cost. No one surprised.

Eurocraps

Anyone who isn’t abroad is advised to stay put as the EFU’s don’t work and the queues just get longer and longer. To make things worse, airlines are sticking to their schedules and anyone delayed is liable to be left behind.

Hot & spectacular

Parts of Europe have a new tourist attraction this year. People are making for places where they can sit on a beach with a cold drink and watch a huge wildfire from a safe distance.

Colourful crooks

Oh, yes, the second episode of series 2 of U.N.C.L.E. is the conclusion of a 2-parter. All we have to do now is remember what happened a week ago.

Lucky us

We now have an Education Sec. who can’t do spelling and grammar, and who can’t tell a ‘poor little me’ story about her early life that survives a casual glance by the meeja.
    Snorts of derision all round from her contemporaries at school in Didsbury and at university. No doubt she’ll be claiming that she was the boss of the Bank of England next.

Grrrr!

The word is that Red Edstone shot off to the Philippines so that he could drown his sorrows in duty-free after being voted much too dangerous for the Chancellor job. The bite of reality has left Foreign Sec. Ed really steamed up.

Today Talk

He (or she) is strogan with the emphasis on the off.
    A useful phrase to use when discussing politicians and their hirelings and the snivel service.

Polyticks of today

How come they’re having to pay for an election for a new cosmetic mayor in Greater Manchester today?
    Did the bloke who swore blind he’d do his full 5-year stretch die suddenly?
    Or was he just a lying bastard? And will his successor be another out of the same box?

Low attention zone

What happens when you take your eyes off the road to yell abuse at Nigel Farage? A woman in Clacton promptly crashed her car into the back of a car that was stopped at a red traffic light.

More useless I.T

The government’s Child Maintenance Service is running a scam which is being compared to the Post Office’s Horizon Horror. Parents are being hounded for payment of inflated bills. Some, as with Horizon, have been driven to suicide.
    No sign of the grabbers doing anything about this abuse.

Got their numbers

Foreign Sec. Red Edstone won’t get much change out of the Yanks when he tries to inflict himself on them. He has too much history of bad-mouthing The Donald.
    Same with the Pretender Randy Burnbum, who is seen as just another chancer rather than someone with the clout to order President $thump about.

Tax to waste

By the time the burrocraps have finished complicating the Burnbum Mansion Tax, it will cost more to administer than it will raise at the planned level, the experts are warning.

Economic dismantlement

The holiday industry is being damaged by this Labour mob’s keenness for taxing pubs into extinction. In a recent survey, two-thirds of the people taking a Break in Britain thought that a good pub where they are staying is essential.

Really, really dangerous

All 5 advanced A.I models tested have gone rogue and ignored their safety and security protocols to go snooping and hacking. Our government, meanwhile, is going to apply A.I to every postcode. So there!

Inventive

The EFU has found a new source of revenue – fines on tech firms for favouring their own crApps in searches, etc. Gooble has been done for 900 million euros.
    The company has dismissed this as product degradation driven by petty complaints.
    So there!

How appropriate

Randy Burnbum has appointed a new Education Sec. No surprise that she thinks spelling tests at school are ridiculous and she herself can’t write a grammatical sentence.

Okay bloke

A new ferry operating between the two main islands of New Zealand has been named after Captain Cook, who arrived there in the 18th century.
    The nation’s Foreign Minister seized the opportunity to take a pop at snivelling wokesters who hate everything British and go in for whinger politics.
    Good for him!

Somewhat typical

Dr. Congo, the African country where there is a lethal ebola plague rampant, is a lousy employer if the staff; medical and security; at a treatment centre are on strike because the Dr. isn’t paying them properly.

Going up

“We need to be a costa living government”, Jonah told his Cabinet. So when it soars, you can’t say you weren’t warned!

The grabbing goes on

Angrier Robot is refusing to return £17K in excess severance pay now that she’s back in her old Cabinet job. She was always yelling that Tories should do it when in Opposition.
    But she’s Labour, which means her rulz don’t apply to someone like her.

Non-stop

Over 50% of e-bikers feel entitled to ignore red traffic lights. Because they know they can get away with it? The figure for push-bikers is 20%.
    Apologists for cyclists are trying to dump the blame on badly pohased traffic lights causing delays which impatient bikers find unreasonable.

Working at pace

The Scottish government is being applauded for doing a grand job of removing lethal cladding from hi-rise residential buildings. A magnificent total of three of them have been tackled out of around 1,000 declared at risk of an inferno caused by one of the occupants.

Man-made mayhem

The rewilders are getting a severe booting from the people who have been forced out of their homes by wildfires.
    Just abandoning the countryside and making no effort to create fire-breaks and remove dead vegetation is an obvious recipe for disaster. But not one the burrocraps can see. And they are clearly not bovvered about the massacre of wildlife caused by their negligence.

Mega-mob

Forget small boats. Invaders are now arriving 165 at a time in dinghies eight metres long – the length of a bus – to get to Jonah Burnbum’s uncosted socialist paradise.

Messiah myth

The rampant charity sector in Scotland is banging on at the First Meenister, J. Swinney, to join in the Burnbum campaign to tackle street campers. Does that mean the rate will double north of the border, as it did when Jonah was in charge of Manchester?

Dream on, kid

Our leader of the moment definitely is a fantasist if Ran D. Eyelashes thinks he’s going to be able to order President Thump around.

Double bubble

Another Daily Disaster reader realized that pensioners can use their hosepipe to water the gardens of neighbours as well as their own garden.

Always a price to pay

Stick a fat jab in your tum and your chances of going bald shoot up, the experts here and in the US have found. Oh, well. You can’t win because you’re not supposed to.

Good point

A Daily Disaster reader decided that if the Labour government keeps claiming that the state pension is a benefit, not something paid for via decades of contributions, then pensioners are excused hosepipe bas along with the people on actual benefits.

Bus-size lie

Our Pretender Fantasist announced his bus fare scam standing in front of a bus bearing the slogan “Funded By UK Government”.
    But the government doesn’t have any money. It just wastes OUR money grabbed via taxes and other scams.
    But “Lies don’t count to Labour”?
● The bus fare scam is something else that’s unfunded – just a mere half a billion quid needed from . . . somewhere.

Facts of life

1. Jonah Burnbum is refusing to admit how much his jaunt to his temporary No. 10 North in Manchester in the weekend just gone cost the taxpayer.
2. 80% of respondents to a poll decided No. 10 North is a pointless ego trip and a waste of money.
3. Jonah’s council house building splurge is unfunded to the tune of £8 BILLION.

Permanent dry spell

Water UK has delivered a boot up the bum to the government, which isn’t bovvered about all the cooling water which its scam to cover acres of the country with A.I data centres will need.
    There isn’t enuff to go round now, sez WUK, which oversees the water companies. Not something the Westminster fantasists want to hear.

Safe passage

Burnbum Boats are now getting the Benefit of the Border Farce taxi service across the Channel. But we’re not allowed to notice the continued influx of illegals.
    Gang-smashing isn’t on the agenda of the bloke who could ignore the Rochdale groomers.

More financial fantasy

Fortifying a bomb-proof building opposite the town hall in Manchester to make it No. 10 North will costa bomb and the security bill will costa second bomb.
    The Downing Street spokes claims there will be no extra cost to the taxpayer. Derision is the only response to a lie like that.

Exit stage left

The new safeguarding minister is toast after a couple of months. Her job was to protect females from violence but her complaint that Reform members don’t deserve the same security ‘as the rest of us’ after the brutal murder of Anne Widdecombe wasn’t exactly a confidence-builder.

Same thing only different

It’s not a U-turn, it’s a B-turn when our Pretender Fantasist Jonah Burnbum does one.
    It has the same effect as one of Bier Smarmer’s dithers but we’re not to supposed to notice that.
    The latest turn-around is on letting dangerous criminals out of gaol early to buy their votes. Someone has told Jonah it’s not a good idea and he’s swithering.

All visitors victorious?

The TigerCats and the Alouettes finished Week 8 of the CFL on a steamy night. A FG to start for the home team. The Cats were sacked to a punt. The Als had to punt and saw the ball returned for a TD! 7-3. The Als lost a fumble recovery on a review. Into Q2, red zone for the Als, Charge! for a TD, 7-10.
    Another sack by the Als. Then they were went out on downs on a 3rd & 1. Another sack by the Als. A pick by the Cats in the last minute stopped the Als.
    Ford did a sprint in Q3 then fired a TD pass to Lawler, 15-10.  Another Charge! by the Als for a TD, 15-17. The Cats kicked a FG, 18-17. In Q4, the Als recovered a fumble then lost the ball!
    The Als went ahead with a FG, 18-20. The Cats gave the ball away; no end at a snap. A FG with 2 minutes left got the Als to 18-24 with a rouge from the kick off. A pick stopped the Cats. Red zone for the Als, on to a TD, 18-31 final, first home team win this week.

More vagueness

Jonah Burnbum is planning to collapse the NHS. Or something. Nothing much in the way of detail was on offer.

Inequality

A heat wave in Japan has got female office workers up in arms over men with hairy legs being allowed to swan around in shorts while they have to keep their hairy legs wrapped up in tights.

Sense needed

The iconic radio telescope at Joderell Bank has been stripped of its public funding. Labour has benefits votes to buy. Maybe the prime pillocks could toss some of their surplus cash in this direction. Could but won’t.

Prime pillocks

Why did 120 millionaires write a letter to the government begging to be taxed more when they could have gone to HMG‘s website and put some cash in the national coffers?
    Was it attention seeking? Virtue flagging? Guilt at having accumulated wealth by doing nothing much, like the notorious tax avoider gbl? An attempt to drive even more rich people out of the UK? What?

Overload

What’s it like being a prolific author? One of my correspondents was making a list of his novels the other day, working from the directories on his computer, which have just a number and the initials of the book to identify them. And he had a devil of a job remembering the words that went with several sets of initials!

On the cheap

The air resounds with the din of lawyerly teeth grinding. The German police have written off the terrorist who caused all the excitement in Berlin on Saturday. No trial, no fees, nowt.

Today’s Initiative

After putting an end to rough sleeping in the streets at a stroke, Jonah Burnbum will do the same for wildfires and forest fires.

Today’s Question

Is Jonah Burnbum another product of the tool-making factory that Bier Smarmer’s dad used to run?

Needing the votes?

Something else the not-so-great Pretender ain’t bovvered about is publishing figures for crimes committed by illegals. Other countries do it but Jonah seems content to go along with the Labour party’s built-in opposition to it.

No noos day?

There can’t be much happening in the world today if blaming Islamist terrorists for a vehicular attack on a homo’sexualist event in Berlin yesterday got such a lengthy slot on the lunchtime Beeb news programme.

Retro? No way!

One of my correspondents, a prolific writer who rejoiced when he could afford a PC and a laser printer via earnings from the 1992 general election campaign, is not going back to the 1970s.
    Yes, he still has his second typewriter – he wore the first one out – but he is not going to give up being able to design and print his own thermal-bound and hardback volumes for any iggorant git from Wigan. So there!
p.s. Do they still make ribbons for typewriters?

Plenty dosh

Paying off the Cabinet ministers sacked (but for how long) by J.B will coat the taxpayer £223,000.

Strange people!

What’s the strange wet stuff falling out of the sky since yesterday afternoon? Ah, yes, anorak weather. But no. Blokes were spotted this morning in shorts and a T-shirt, and women in similar heat wave gear. Getting wet and not bovvered about it. Weird!

Argos in B.C.

The team from T’ronno got to tackle the Lions in Vancouver. The first Argo drive went to a TD. Lots of defence. The Lions reached scoring range as Q1 ran out, FG, 7-3 to start Q2. One for the Argos. One for the Lions, 10-6. Kelly 44-yard pass to the end zone, 17-6. Off after a violent tackle. Arbuckle sacked to stop the Argos.
    In Q3, Arbuckle doing some rushing as well as passing, FG for the Argos. Rourke sacked. 47-yard FG for the Argos, 23-6. Finally, the Lions close, FG to close Q3 at 23-9.
    More rushing by Arbuckle, sacked, FG from 48 yards, 26-9. Another Argo long FG try hit the upright. Whyte again for the Lions, 26-12 final.

Interesting theory

The speculators have decided that Jonah Burnbum has proved that disloyalty can be beneficial and they are now wondering how long it will be before the same force topples the Pretender.
    Backstabbing is something that worked for Tory pretenders. And wot if Red Edstone decides he deserves another shot at being the party leader? He certainly has form for it.

The impossible dream

Jonah Burnbum has made a Big Thing out of his alternative base in Manchester. But it has been revealed that it won’t be ready for use before 2032 or 2033, and he’ll be long gone before then.

Lost interest?

Whatever happened to crop circles? They were the answer to a clue in a Professor Rebus Pitcherwitz puzzle and it occurred to me that there has been nothing much about them in the papers for years.
    Have the aliens decided to give up on us?

More cosmetics revealed

The Costa Living Tsar, the boss of the Iceland supermarket, has quit the job in disgust, having found that the snivel service is all about NOT getting things done.

No one surprised

Former Scottish Labour leader, Anass Aahwaa, is playing the hippocrite card. The bloke who used to be all in favour of abolishing the House of Lords, and who declared that he would never ever no way accept a peerage is now staying on the gravy train and crawling into the Lords.

Dog destroyers

Councils which can’t be arsed to mow grass in parks and verges on bogus enviromint grounds are putting dogs at risks, the experts are warning.
    Sharp seeds cause abrasions and abcesses, and some seeds cause infections if inhaled.

Another one at it

Wee Streeting, moved to the Defence Department, will be spending more money on the Armed Forces. But there’s not a clue on offer about where the cash will come from.

Rend-off, not rip-off

A good thing to avoid is a jar of dried chives offered by the firm Schwartz. They are on offer at a price equivalent to £2,000 per kilo at supermarkets, and £2,150 per kilo on the Schwartz website.
● Supermarket own brand products are available at just 15% of the Schwartz price.

Good to know

The new Chancellor Duchess of Lancaster, who has a fraud conviction, won’t be handling the part of the job that involves fraud oversight. Much too embarrassing.

Loose wheels

Our new Pretender Fantasist was splashing the cash around to buy votes right away. But, like his plan and the rest, we’re not allowed to know any details. Such as where the money is coming from. Which tells me that Jonah doesn’t know either. And it’s all just cosmetic puff.
● His abolition of 5% VAT on electricity is also unfunded. Even more tax rises to come?
● The VAT cut will be swallowed up by the rise in the energy cap.
● No cut for Northern Ireland, which is still in the dead grip of the EFU as far as VAT goes.

Rather suspicious

One of my correspondents had received an official booklet about the election for a new mayor for Greater Manchester to replace the lying sod who swore blind he’d serve his full term.
    The seven candidates are listed alphabetically early on. But their individual plugs aren’t. The Conservative plug is last, even though the party name is first alphabetically and the man himself is in the middle of the candidate list.
    Political bias in a Labour area?

Still out West

Friday nite’s helping of CFL was the Stampeders in Winnipeg.  First score to the visitors; a TD. Add a rouge from a punt. The Blue Bombers got to scoring range, picked in the CS end zone! Defence into Q2 and a TD for the BB in the first minute, 8-7.
    Bomb pass by Adams, wide open receiver, TD Calgary. A 58 yard BB FG try missed and was returned . . . for a TD!!! 22-7. Olivera in the 13th minute, 22-14. The Stamps had time to kick a FG, and so did the BB, 25-17.
    In Q3, the Stamps went from their own half to a TD. Close for the BB, sacked to a FG, 32-20. Inside the 10 for the Stamps, TD pass, 39-20. The BB fumbled the ball but got it back, dash for the end zone by Olivera on the next play, 39-27. Sack, fumble by Adams, BB ball, FG to open Q4.
    A pick stopped a BB drive and set up a CS FG, 42-30. Another pick by the Stamps, another FG; missed. The Stamps kicked a FG with 2 minutes left, 45-30. The BB were stopped, another TD for the Stamps, 52-30 at the end.

Common ground

Something the Bond continuer, John Gardner, has in common with the Cussler family, Clive and his son Dirk, is a tendency to over-explain everything. A good way to bulk out a book, it can get very tedious for the reader.
    That last sentence is a good example of Clive Cussler’s A.I style. Dirk can do it less obtrusively.

One to read

Also in the box was a book club edition of 2 James Bond novels written by John Gardner. Win, Lose Or Die, written in 1989, starts with an attack on an oil tanker in the Strait of Hormuz. How about that for a spot of accidental just-like-today!

Today’s thought

Iran is having a full-scale war with America again. Petrol prices to zoom up again. Bet there isn’t a plan for tackling that.

A flutter of eyelashes

We keep being given a daily ration of promises of amazing changes but we can’t be told what they are and when; if ever; they will be delivered. And there is an amazing plan but we can’t be told what is in it and when it will start.
    Not really a confidence-builder, Jonah.

Read the small print

The experts are still demanding that we have 5 cups of coffee per day, not 3, to prevent heart disease and strokes. And when the nation suddenly goes down with mass polyphenolia, will these sooth-sayers be rounded up and shot? Joke!

Blue bin fodder

You pick a paperback book out of a box of them and find the front and back covers, the inside front cover and the first two pages are crammed with plugs for the book by names that mean nothing or examples of Mr. Anonymous.
    1. Do you read the book?
    or 2. Do you conclude that if they have to try so hard to promote it, it’s not worth bothering with?
    My instinct is No. 2.

Labour logic

 People on benefits for an imaginary condition can’t be banned for using a hosepipe to tend a vast garden and fill up a paddling pool but the people paying for those benefits can.

Labour waste

When Justice Sec. Dippy Dave Lammy bunged £180,000 of our money to influenzers, it was in an attempt to distract attention from a lunatic plan to let dangerous criminals out of gaol early and similar scams.

Foolish Fad

It is now fashionable for weirdos to have a peculiar hobby – Moon gardening. Adherents believe that the tidal effects caused by the Moon’s eccentric orbit should be used to determine when to plant certain crops.
    The experts have pointed out that this had no scientific basis, but if it keeps weirdos out of mischief . . .

Dictionary for Today

scrambles (n), a shambles performed at reckless speed, e.g. the Burnbum takeover when Bier Smarmer refused to be a figurehead from getting the boot in July to the end of September.

Two of a kind

Every picture tells a story. There was one in the paper the other day of Jonah Burnbum pulling a weirdo Muppet face that made him look just like an Edstone Milipede clone.
    No doubt his term as Labour leader will be as disastrous as Edstone’s was. But briefer.

Today’s Question

There are bozos everywhere – we all know who they are – but does equality demand a female equivalent, bozas?
    We should be told.

Not very charitable

Amnesty International is getting a good kicking for making the ishues of transpicaters and their advocates more important than the safe-space rights of women.
    One to ignore when the collecting tin rattles until people with a bit of sense are fronting it.

Lotz of fun league!

The Antlers in Regina to start CFL Week 8. Close to the penalty area on the all-purpose pitch, on to a TD for the visitors. Plenty of defence then a huge pass by Harris gave the RoughRiders a TD. A drive into Q2 gave them another, 7-14.
    A bomb pass by Fajardo got the Antlers close, TD! Scoring range in the last 3 minutes, FG. Huge scramble for the ball, the RR kept it, on to a TD in the last few seconds, 17-21.
    A fumble in Q3 gave the ball to the Ants. Sack, FG, 20-21. Another bomb pass by Fajardo, another TD. 27-21. Close at the start of Q4 by the RR, TD. Another bomb by Fajardo, another TD, 33-28. Lots of time left. FG at half-way, 33-31.
    Fumble by the Ants, shambles, RR ball. On to a TD? OPI. Try again, FG with a bit of time left, 33-34. FG from the SSK 50, 36-34. Phew!

Unintended consequences

There was a picture in the paper of 14 assorted bods – some of the 100 or so BBC ‘celebs’ involved in an advertising campaign aimed at make us think the Beeb is worth paying for. Looking at the faces, I didn’t recognize anyone. Looking at the names, I knew only 2 of the 14 – which gives the Beeb a worth-paying-for rating of 14% and a licence fee of £25 instead of £180.

Vanished

In response to Pakistan’s refusal to take back the head Rochdale grooming gangster, the government has whisked the ungaoled monster out of a stash near Accrington and hidden him away. Presumably, hoping that everyone will forget about the SoB.

B.S by the ton

One part of the public sector is on permanent overtime now that Bier Smarmer is toast – the drivel mines. Our Pretender Fantasist can churn out words without saying anything at one hell of a rate, and keeping up with his demand is a serious problem.

Retro retracted

No more steam engines pulling excursion trains until we’ve had a lot of rain. That’s the ruling by Notwork Rail, which is worried about being blamed for wildfires caused by sparks hurled out of the funnel of a steam loco.

Weird concept

The bloke arrested for the brutal murder of A. Widdecombe has been described as ‘polite, quiet and shy’. Is that supposed to make everything okay?

The financial stitch is up

Reform UK leader N. Farage has legitimate fears for his safety. Which have been made worse by the government which assigned 8 security guards to him after he was elected reducing the number to 1 a year later. How very Labour.

Broken system

Labour’s switch from interviewing people to just accepting what’s on a form when they claim benefits has resulted in a huge rise on the cost of sickness claims.
    As the UK has not suddenly got sicker, this is clear evidence that Labour is abusing the system to buy votes.

Still not my P.M

There’s no point in listening to Randy Laburnum. He might have his plans for wrecking the joint but nothing will ever come of them. The rest of the Labour mob will just keep him doing U-turns until he’s even dizzier, just like Smarmer.

Left out

A respectable councillor was shoved in gaol for stuff posted online briefly and being a Tory when Bier Smarmer was trying to look tough. A green grotter transpicater has been busted for celebrating the murder of A. Widdecombe. Any chance of the Procurator Fiscal doing the same to Herbert? Joke.

Spot the source

“What we really want to see is a bloke with a long history of dishonesty on TV telling us we can trust a woman with an equally long history of dishonesty.”
    Said by whom about whom?

Built-in failure

A main reason why the NESO, which reported a loss of $409 million in 2024/25, can’t cope is the Milipede obsession with occasionals.
    When the wind don’t blow and the sun don’t shine, they can’t be turned up to meet demand and the result is loss of control and a scramble for more from reliable energy sources.
    Which is why the cost of electricity in the UK is so stupidly excessive.

Diving into disaster

A failed stamp duty dodger as housing sec. A convicted fraudster back on the gravy train. A guarantee to end rough sleeping; something that was doubled instead of delivered in Manchester; and that’s just for starters.
● Nothing about stopping the boats and smashing the gangs.

Today’s Wisdom

Turn the page quickly at an “open letter” advert in a newspaper and it becomes a closed one in the blink of an eye.

Just asking

Are we going to get another public inquiry to find out why the Chinese plague inquiry dragged on for years and cost billions when other countries did the job in months or decided an inquest wasn’t worth it?

Daft as ever!

Wow! The Schmuck from U.N.C.L.E. in colour for series 2, which goes all the way back to 1965. 60 years ago!! And a two-parter with new baddies to start things off.

Bonuses at stake?

The National Energy System Operator, prop. Edstone Milipede, is supposed to balance Britain’s energy supply against demand. But when the wheels come off, as they did on the 4th Tuesday in June, staff know that they shouldn’t keep records of decisions made to avoid leaving a paper trail to UseLEZ bosses.
    How very Labour.
● The honcho is prepared to lie about this practice, according to whistleblowers.

Typical Labour

Smarmer and Reeves have created a lamentable legacy, as far as the economy is concerned. But their achievements are bound to be dwarfed by Jonah, the Bringer of Disaster. Just as well he wasn’t stoopid enuff to bow to the looney Left and put Edstone into the Treasury job. Or weak enuff.

More Hippocritosaurus

Bier Smarmer did a rant about Boris Johnson’s resignation honours list. Surprise! Bier has done one of his own with some prize idiots on it. Like the Sadgeek mayor of London, who claimed he wants to abolish the Lords but who is now quite happy to do his freeloading there.
    Legs don’t come deader than this. But, no doubt, J.B will make toast of Bier’s record.

Today’s Question

Are Argies a bunch of hopeless drunks if all they think about is lasmal vinas?
● Is the wine white, the colour of their surrender flag?
● Let us not forget that the Argentinians are Animals, a condition diagnosed back in the 20th century by England’s then football manager, Sir Alf Ramsey.

It’s only dosh

Yattering on about how the snivel service bogged up handling the Chinese plague has cost the taxpayer £322 million thus far, with more to come. No one surprised.

By the way

Oh, good. I’ve just found out that the plot to hand this World Cup to the Argies didn’t come off. Spain refused to play along. FIFA will be sad.
● Singing “one-nil, one-nil, one-nil, one-nil!” And in the 18th minute of time added on. How very boring.

P.M by stealth

Sales of “Not my P.M” T-shirts are at record levels in the South of England. Chinese manufacturers are struggling to keep up. Jonah’s big problem is that his history of failures; Stafford Hospital deaths on his watch, the banks going bust, pushing GM Police into administration, and his record for claiming the successes of other, e.g. the regeneration of Manchester in the 1980s and 90s; all this is being repeated relentlessly via printed and online meeja to tell the public what he’s really about. And there’s nowt he can do about it.

File under ‘S’ for Slowcoach

So-called energy drinks loaded with caffeine are bad for kids and the government is going to ban their sale to under-16s. But not until next April. Is that the sound of feet dragging?

Politicians, eh?

What wonderful people the Pakistani government are, sticking their hands out for £153 million of our money in aid whilst refusing to take back the head of the Rochdale grooming gangs and blaming the activities of Pakistani rape gangs on us.
    And the sorry bunch pretending to be the government here are content to let them get away with it.

Reduced Peril on the Sea

The government has been shamed into booting the Coastguard Agency’s management up the bum and forcing the blighters to drop a shameful plan to stop paying volunteers for training and call-outs.
    The ill-considered and self-harming scam is now history.

Today’s Thought

“Football Unites The World”, FIFA claims. But the slogan doesn’t go far enough, having missed “In Indifference” off the end.
    Or is that unites the world in hatred of swindlers?
● It’s all about the money, really. We do know that.

Another tariff

President $thump has taken a break from bombing Iran to threaten Canada with penalties for letting smoke from its wildfires drift over the border to the Untied States.
    Canadians who helped to tackle wildfires in California are not impressed by the lack of reciprocal aid.

Good story

The government is trying to pretend that arresting 10 illegals for doing delivery work amounts to a crack-down on something which everyone knows is widespread.

Canny shopping

Looking for value for money from a box of chocs? Avoid Black Magic. £2.58 per 100 grammes versus £1.78 for something like a pack of Celebrations. A fancy box is no substitute for chocs!

Same old Labour

Our Pretender Fantasist wants a death tax to buy benefits votes. Mahmoud, had she been made Chancellor, would have dug her fist into pensions like Gordon F. Broon. And there will be other scams in the same vein to follow. No doubt about that.

Doing a good job

Tory leader Mrs. Badenuff has joined the ranks of record setters with a positive approval rating of +3. Bier Smarmer remains at the bottom of the heap with -42, up from -51 last November. Bets are already being laid on when Jonah will beat that.

Readily available killers

25% of deaths due to heart failure are caused by eating crisps, biscuits, ready meals and other ultra-processed foods, the experts have decided. You have been warned!!
● One of their answers is food taxes. How very Labour!

Amazing leap forward

Randy Laburnum, the Cheap Fantasist, is cutting the price of electricity by enuff to let the average family buy a couple of takeaway pizzas between October and next April. So that’s Xmas and Boxing Day dinner sorted.
● The saving is probably about half what he pays for one session of trimming and massaging his eyelashes.

The toadfish menace

What’s the latest reason for avoiding the Mediterranean coast at holiday time? Nothing to do with the EFU for a change. Deadly pufferfish with a lethal bite have snuck through the Suez Canal and infested the region.
    They can bite off fingers and toes whilst administering a lethal poison, and just touching them is a bad idea.

How very Labour

Predictably, the new boss of the BurnBC wants to tax every household to replace the licence fee so that everyone pays, even if they don’t use what’s on offer, and stoopid amounts of cash can be thrown even more vigorously at the undeserving.

Samethink

The boss of Thames Water, which has dug a £20 billion hole in its finances by paying excessive dividends to foreign shareholders, reckons he deserves the 14% pay rise he got in April.
    Imagine how much he’d be expecting if he wasn’t the figurehead of one of the worst of the bunch.

Caught in the act

The operators of the national power grid tried to hide how close the system came to collapse in June due to Milipede Madness. Multiple whistle blowers have exposed their attempts to hide their failings – done to protect the reputation of the organization and excessive salaries?

First and last?

The police have arrested a bloke living in Sarf London for putting a Farage death threat on anti-social meeja but he’s now out on bail. 597 death threats received by Mr. Farage since February. No action on all the others?

Bright side

The big advantage of making S. Mahmoot the Fantasist of the Exchequer is that unlike Thievin, who was boss of the Bank of England (according to her CV?), Shabana has no record in this area. Thus when the wheels come off, it will be all her fault and nothing to do with Jonah Bandwagon.

Putin the ‘con’ into consumer goods

Anyone who buys a cheap Chinese air-conditioner gadget off the internet for a tenner plus or minus 3 quid will be wasting their dosh – if it ever arrives, sez a consumer goods expert. No one surprised.

Inevitable

Our Culture Vulture Sec. (Labour) thinks that people who went to a private school shouldn’t be allowed to become pop stars.
    No wonder every Labour government starts with chaos and descends deeper into it.

Fantastic to the end

Thievin Reeves would have us believe that making 25 companies per week go bust in the first half of 2026 is proof that she saved the economy. What has she bin smokin’?

Watered down

How curious that Labour didn’t use terrorism legislation against the Iranian Republican Guards. Instead, we got something woke and porous, which allows the Islamic hate preachers to continue to spread their poison here, especially in London. And nothing is being done about the RG front companies, which are allowed to trade freely.

Other sources available

Deliberate distortion of news items and far-Left bias cost the BierBC half a million licence payers in the last year. Its annual report talks about adverse impact on the perception of its impartiality without admitting that the perception is actually a total lack of impartiality.
    That and ridiculous pay deals for some of the cast.

The slack ishue

Does Jonah Burnbum deserve to be cut some slack? Nope. He has no mandate. He was picked by a few hundred Labour MPs for dodgy reasons. None.

Sunday in the nation’s capital

It was the Blue Bombers against the RedBlacks to finish Week 7 of the CFL. The BB first series ended with a turnover on downs. A FG by the RB. One back for the BB. Roughing the kicker let the RB go on to a FG to end Q1.
    One for the BB in Q2 and 6-all. Red zone for the RB, just a FG. Close for the Bombers, FG, 9-all. Another RB FG. Close in the last minute, TD this time, 9-19.
    A big pass and roughing the passer got the RB to the BB 1 in Q3, stopped. A pick in the BB end zone stopped the next effort. Back close again toward the end of the quarter, TD. 9-26.
    FG for the BB in Q4. To the RB 8, TD pass, 19-26. Almost a TD for the BB with a minute to go? TD given by the replay centre, 26-all and overtime.
    FG for the RedBlacks. One for the BB. One for each, 32-all.  2-point tries next, 2-1 for the Bombers, 36-34 final. Phew!

Not my Prime Minister

Definitely not if he wants to drag us back to the 1970s and let a gang of Scaregill clones wreck the joint.

More sneakery

The government is being very coy about zooming the state pension age from 66 to 68. Retirement at 68 is supposed to happen between April 2044 and April 2046. But the grabbers are planning to sneak 68 in 7 years early; in 2037. Or sooner.
● The government Spokes For Change declined a chance to inform about the move due to the embarrassment factor.

Another bite

Labour’s pay-by-the-mile grab from electric vehicles is yet another stab in the back to the wealth-generating private sector. Buy Green vehicles and get stealth-taxed. How very Labour.
● Surprise! A government impact assessment actually admitted that the tax will do damage to the economy!

No one up to the job

During the Chinese plague pandemic, two-thirds of the £15 billion spent on PPE was wasted, according to the bloated inquiry. Why?
    Because the bloated snivel service didn’t have a workable plan to get hold of it, went into a panic and splurged, sez the Taxpayers’ Alliance.

In the East

The Argos visited the Cats, got inside the 10, Charge! TD for the light blues. One back for the Cats after 10 minutes. Defence into Q2. A pick by the Argos, nowt from it.
    Lotz of defence. Scoring range for the Cats as the half ran out, a face-mask penalty put them on the T’ronno 1, Charge! 7-14.
    A pick stopped the Argos in Q3. Another face-mask penalty, another Charge! 7-21. FG in reply. One for the Cats, 10-24. First & goal for the Argos in Q4, TD.
    The Argos to the TC 1, TD but 23-24. The Argos to FG range in the last minute, missed.

Just cosmetic

If Nigel Farage gets 30 death threats per week, most of them on anti-social meeja, what does that say about the quality of the A.I gadgets used by Xwitter and the rest? The ones that are supposed to remove such stuff? Not a whole lot.
    And the BierBC seems to have its A.I switched off to allow offensive views from the looney Left to be broadcast about the murder of former MP A. Widdecombe.

Still out West

The Alouettes visited the Stampeders. The Als sped to the red zone, and the end zone. Add a rouge from the kick off. Lots of defence. The Als were back as the quarter ran out, TD at 0:00 and 15-0. More Als in Q2, another TD in the 5th minute. The Stamps managed a FG as the half ran out, 22-3.
    Red zone for the Stamps in Q3, TD for Mills, +2, 22-11. The Als inside the 5, shove into the end zone. A TD for the Stamps to start Q4, 29-18. A FG for the Als at half-way.
    Penalties helped the Stamps to a TD with 5 minutes left. The Als were stuffed on a 3rd & 1 at their 14, TD for the Stamps, 32-all. FG range for the Als, TD pass with a minute left, 38-32. Fumble to the Als by the Stamps. Phew!

Another betrayal

Gibraltar has been sneaked into the EFU Schengen zone, which means that visitors from the UK have to show a passport to Spanish guards at Gibraltar’s airport to enter an offshoot of Britisch territory.

Less glitter

Things is bad in China. The demand for diamonds has fallen and De Beers is having to close its largest mine in Sarf Efrica for a couple of years due to a drop in prices. Lab-grown alternatives are also challenging natural diamonds.

Population regulator

Good news for the future of humanity – those glued to a pocket phone will go extinct. Why? Because they never clean the gadget and it ends up covered with nasty bugs of all sorts, particularly after a trip to the lavatory.
● Using A.I chatbots increases the rate of dementia in those who don’t use their own brain.

More false accounting

Using air conditioning to keep people cool in heat waves heats up cities even more, some Warmists are claiming. Which ignores the basic fact that hot air rises and disperses in the atmosphere rather than hovering at street level. Especially when the wind machine is on the HIGH setting.

False accounting syndrome

Shock, horror! The claim that there were 2,700 excess deaths due to the hot weather in May and June is a fantasy!
    It’s not based on actual counts of properly diagnosed deaths, it’s just a guess that came out of a statistics program.
    Worse, data available today sez no excess deaths in May, and a reduction of them in June compared to previous data.
    It’s just panic-mongering without proper scrutiny coming from the Warmists.
● 90% of excess deaths caused by extreme weather are still due to cold spells. Fact.

False memory syndrome?

Did the ‘long, hot summer of 1976' leave an indelible mark on those who lived through it? Say, on those who were in their teens or 20s? I asked a couple of correspondents who were ‘there and aware’ if anything had stuck in their minds. No, nothing.
    Which leaves me wondering about the validity of all the ‘memories’ paraded in newspaper articles.

Edstone carnage

Councils across England are switching off solar panels as they are setting schools on fire. But Edstone is still planning to inflict his scam on over 250 schools and colleges.

Edstone millstone

The CBI and Energy UK are warning the Pretender Fantasist that Labour’s Nett Zero crap and electricity costing 45% more than the G7 average are wrecking investment and the economy.
    But will he listen? Or be allowed to do anything useful by the looney Lefties who are really in charge?

Gesture polytics

Labour is to ban the Iranian Revolutionary Guards as a threat to national security. This is expected to have Nett Zero effect on reducing world terrorism.

Back down to earth

How long does it take President $thump to come to his senses after going over the top? Less than 24 hours on a good day. That’s how long it took him to realize that his scam to put a 20% toll on tankers using the Strait of Hormuz was daft.

So it goes

The US attacks Iranian weapon sites. Iran responds by zapping a car park in Kuwait.

Cute alibi

Should Bier Smarmer be moved to a secure mental institution for his own safety? That’s the only possible conclusion from his assertion that he has left Britain in better shape than he found it when he took over the job from which he’s been evicted.
    But he has a get-out. Politicians are notorious liars.  Evidence? The hundreds of Labour MPs who pretended to be sorry to see him get the bullet and that it’s a major tragedy for the whole human race.

Friday Nite in Edmonton

The Lions visited the Antlers. 2 and sack and out for the Lions. A pick by the Ants to end the next drive, FG from it. A sack back for the Lions. To the EA 2, Charge! 7-3. Another FG for the Ants to start Q2? Missed.
    Another sack by the Ants, the next play picked. Red zone, TD, 7-10. Bomb pass by Fajardo to the red zone, FG. Yet another pick by the Ants as the half ran out. FG, 7-16.
    Another pick in the 6th minute by the Antlers. FG, 7-19. Almost a sack by the Ants to start Q4, scoring range for the Lions, TD BC, 14-19. Then the Ants coughed up the ball. Groan. FG from it, 17-19.
    Lots of defence, another sack by the Ants, and another with a minute to go. BC stopped, the Ants ate clock for a win.

The Moron without a Mandate

Smarmer’s Army has sought to excuse a shambolic career by claiming it’s all due to Tory chaos. J.B undermined the alibi by openly creating Labour chaos by dithering over whether to bin economy-wrecking Edstone Milipede and make the current Home Sec. the next Chancellor.
    To complicate things, Pixie Balls remains sure she’s in with a shot. But Wee Streeting is toast.

The leg remains dead

The Pretender Fantasist reckons he has a plan. But given Jonah’s lengthy history of triggering disasters by his mere presence, that’s not anything to cheer about.

Getting worser

The government’s assaults on the private sector and reducing profits for pharmacies are forcing closures. The Health Dept. is still in denial about this.

Oh, dear!

Vaping is just as bad as smoking, the experts have concluded, as far as fitness is concerned. Rates of breathlessness during exercise and damage to blood vessels are much the same as those for smokers. Poison is poison.

We’ll see

The current Home Sec. has vowed to deport the non-gaoled leader of the Rochdale grooming gang. No one is at all optimistic that the looney Left will let her.

Shrinking mission

Further to the bloke who’s spent 3 decades walking and swimming round the world, there’s another bloke trying to visit every put in the UK. He started in 2022, he has done 10,000 pubs and he reckons there are 38,000 left to do.
● His task is aided by the pub closures forced by Labour’s assaults on the finances of the private sector!

Nothing changes

I’m currently reading a book of short stories written in the 2010s and they could have been written last week as far as the attitudes go. There are politicians blaming the shambles they’re creating on the previous government, and in crime-themed stories, there are woke coppers blundering around, harassing the innocent and getting away with it.

What do seasons matter?

The Met Office is trying to make us think the British Isles are melting but what do we get on the Legend Channel? A bionic rip-off of Scrooge’s Xmas conversion to a human bean.
    Oh, well.

Options update

My correspondent decided that he had 3 options for his defunct toilet which didn’t involving hurling cash at a cowboy.
    1. Separate the water tank from the base, add earth and plants, and create two garden features.
    2. Dig two holes and bury the bits.
    3. Tap the porcelain structures with a lump hammer to reduce them to disposable bitz and load them into the black bin over a period of weeks. Which sounded like a plan.

Logical impossibility

President $thump has described the Iranian leaders as scum. But they can’t be. Scum is found floating on the surface of something. But Iranian bad guys are in the deepest bunkers they can dig to prevent their explosive removal.

Direction verified

If the pundits are going on about a second by-election in Clacton after Mr. Farage wins the coming one, that’s a clear enuff sign that the finances stitch on Nigel is definitely going UP.

Pick of the deadlegs?

The Labour party must be really desperate to make a twice rejected chancer its leader. Milipede, Corbynstein, Smarmer and now Burnbum. One loser after another.

File under ‘A’ for Absence of Accountability

How very Labour. They inflict a new Prime Fantasist on us as Parliament is breaking up for a 6-week summer skive.

Goes with the job?

Jonah Burnbum has inherited a title from the bloke he deposed – “Mr. Knock & Run”. When asked a question, he says something rude about someone else and then legs it. Worked for Bier.

The Capitalist Alternative

President $thump decided to take over the Strait of Hormuz so that Iran wouldn’t be able to charge tankers a million bucks for a safe passage. Instead, tankers would have to cough up 20% of the value of their load to the $thump Protection Service.
● The sufferer of the greatest hit from this? China.

File under ‘P’ for Pointless

The Warmists are working at pace to ramp up the number of excess deaths due to hot weather. But they have not answer to 2 serious ishues.
    1. Their number is just a small fraction of cold weather excess deaths.
    2. They have no answer to hot weather if they can’t supply enuff electricity to keep people cool and they have to ban the use of air conditioning.

Could happen?

Will there be howls of protest from diversifiers when university students are offered a MenB shot?
    “Wot about MenA? And MenC?” the diversifiers could be yelling. Not to mention WomenB and TrannyB.

File under ‘M’ for Mucho

The record for the number of illegals reaching the Border Farce taxi service in the Channel on a single boat has gone up from 125 to 128.

File under ‘D’ for Dumox

Here at home, J.B is being forced to bin the plan to bin jury trials promoted by our Injustice Sec., Dippy Dave.

File under ‘B’ for Blagging

The International Court of Injustice is eager to slap Britain with a huge bill as a penalty for our Industrial Revolution. Another bite from the world’s scroungers. 40 million million quid.
    If we had a government that’s on Britain’s side, it would demand 100 times that amount for civilizing the scroungers.
    Shame we don’t.

More leftie bile

The Wimbledon wild-card A. Fery, got to the semi-finals ’coz his family is worth millions. Nothing to do with his ability to whack a tennis ball about, then? Just the cash?

Who’s superior really?

No doubt the French are gnashing their little teef because the Canterbury Embroidery didn’t drop to bitz on England’s pot-holed roads and made it to the British Museum intact. Where it shows off the talents of the English nuns who made it, and reminds viewers that the French couldn’t manage this job.

A Modern Parable

A correspondent had a toilet replaced. What do you do with the non-working one? He thought he’d paid his local council £30 to take it away but a couple of days before that was due to happen, he got a phone call.
    It wasn’t the council doing the shifting, it was a cowboy sub-contractor who had decided he couldn’t be bothered. The ‘good’ news was that the council would do the job for its one-size-fits-all jobs rate of . . . £150!!!
    Well, the only possible answer to that is 2 words; the first begins with ‘f’ and the second if ‘off’. My correspondent is now considering his options.

Just a thought

How strange that it’s okay for Norwegians to celebrate a Viking heritage of murder, rape, looting and arson yet the British Empire, which civilized most of the world, is spat upon by the woke and the Left-wingers who hate everything British.

Today’s Observations

1. Is J.B a great pretender? Yes, he is. Apart from that bit about being ‘great’. He’s more of a snake-oil merchant than one of the greats.
2. Bier Smarmer and Labour weren’t elected by a landslide in 2024. They were elected by default as a result of Vote Reform, Get Labour.

Goes with the territory

Labour’s innate anti-Semitism is getting Jonah Bandwagon into trouble with Jewish groups in the UK over his perceived bias against Israel’s civilian-killing attacks on Gaza. His views on illegal settlements in occupied territories are also an ishue.

Just useless

The Home Sec.’s one in, one out, one back deal with the French for illegals is a total waste of time thanks to the system for dealing with bogus modern slavery claims. No one surprised.

Boozed & Confused

It’s a rather weird notion that people would spend all day on Saturday boozing if England’s team is in a World Cup match at 10 p.m. All the normal stuff done at the weekend abandoned to boozing?
    Alternatively, the hot weather can be blamed. Too hot to do anything but not too hot to pour booze into a dehydrated body, which makes its effects much worse. Punch-ups and heart attacks galore on offer.

Brown lawn season

Eastern England is definitely the worst place to be if you want to avoid a hosepipe ban. 5 water companies have a ban in place and others are laying the groundwork for one.
● No danger of fixing leaks and expanding reservoirs instead of handing huge amounts of our cash to foreign shareholders?

Haste-free

Q: What’s a good way to make your bank nervous?
A: If they switch you from a Mastercard that you know the number, expiry and security code of to a Visa credit card with entirely new information, don’t be in a rush to buy anything.
    Cue anxious emails tellying you the new card is active with a ‘please, please use it’ message in the background.

Today’s Question

If there are panic-stations major incidents, are there also lieutenant and sergeant incidents for lesser crises?

Evasion in all things

The Bandwagon chaser communicates, Bier Smarmer doesn’t, according to a Daily Disaster reader.
    Small snag – Messiah Jonah’s idea of communication involves saying a lot of words but not using them to convey useful information or anything relevant to the question.

What blighters!

A bloke who has spent the last 28 years walking and swimming round the world has hit the buffers at France. Cross-Channel swims are okay from England, but nokay from France.
    Probably in case the swimmer and escorts get in the way of small boaters.
● Eurotunnel won’t let him do a Tunnel Run [see the short story of the same name], so there!

Don’t go there

The number of members telling the EFU that its border checks are crap has reached 9. But no one has any confidence that the sclerotic burrocraps in Brussels will manage to avert chaos.

Today’s Question

Can J. Bandwagon, a.k.a. Andy Crapp, be described as having a ‘top team’ if it is entirely composed of dregs and crawlers?

Panic!

The Alarmists are working at pace to convince us that every bit of the countryside will go up in flames any day now. Not a word, however, about all the years of resistance to proper land management of the sort that creates fire breaks and makes an effort to remove combustibles.

Abuse of office?

A non-crime, non-event harassment involving 5 armed coppers busting the writer G. Linehan has cost the Met £25,000 in compenbluddysation.
    No one amused.

Unfit for purpose

The quality of our politicians is severely lacking if R. Lowe, the honcho of Restore, is anything to go by. He got a well-deserved booting for dismissing the massacre of 15 children at Dunblane Primary School in 1996 as ‘one murder’ when trying to cosy up to the American gun lobby.

Gaze deflected

Will the deadleg use his other leg to boot Put’n up the bum if the Poisoner gets cute with a cyber attack during the infancy of Jonah’s rule without a mandate? Or will the Bandwagon Kid be too busy creating his centre of government Up North? Or will Jonah just fall over if he tries to stand on his dead leg?

Schmustice

Labour’s soft justice scam requires convicts to be tagged after early release. But 15% of them won’t be at all because of Labour chaos. And we’re sure that the most dangerous criminals will be well represented.
● A spokes for the Department of Injustice said: “Labour moaned about inheriting a broken system but did Nett Zero to repair it. In fact, Labour just made everything worser.”
    He was then arrested for the non-crime, non-event of speaking the truth about government policy.

Laughing stock UK

The Messiah without a Mandate, the Deadleg with a hand of the Doorknob (of No. 10), the Epitome of Entitlement, the Scrambler away from Scrutiny – the cute phrases keep rolling in and underline the fact that the next Prime Fantasist will have no more credibility than that bloke with the dustbin on his bonce.

Jolly fun

The World Wife-Carrying Championship, held in Finland, clearly isn’t to be taken seriously. Not if the winner isn’t actually married and he was carrying a training partner in his event, not his girlfriend.
● The prizes include the passenger’s weight in beer.

Big deal

New Eurostar trains can operate at 55 deg.C, I read. But so what? They’ll only be hauling freight by remote control. They won’t be safe for mass transit of ’uman beans.
    And lotz of types of freight won’t appreciate the heat, either.

Stop press!!

Two, count them, two yellow butterflies spotted flitting about in the garden and defying the wind machine’s attempts to blow them into the next county.

Desperate times

The meeja are getting desperate for something to say when they’re reduced to telling us a terrorist killer was seen with a foot-long pole 300 miles from his crime. Hidden under his top. Cuddan bin wooden or a steel bar. Or not.

Energy gap

A campaign to install air conditioning in primary schools to make kids comfortable and able to learn is another embarrassment for Edstone Milipede. His occasionals are unable to meet current demands for electricity, never mind extras.
    No wonder this particular deadleg is trying to bug out of his current grotto and do further wrecking @ the Treasury.

We know who to blame

Another part of Jonah Burnbum’s legacy of disaster: massive out-of-control wildfires eating up Greater Manchester’s moorland.

Ever the optimist

President $thump has warned the Iranians that there are 1,000 missles ready to blast them immediately if the rogue state goes ahead with the assassination plan uncovered by the Israelis.
    But will the thousand missles actually be fired, plus thousands more, if $trump is whacked? Or will his successor just accept that these things happen in a war?

Heritage in danger

The dire pace of recovery of Scotland’s high streets had led an expert in architecture to call for new laws to protect empty buildings from fires due to accidents, arson and vandalism.
    Major fires in iconic buildings have closed main streets in the capital and elsewhere, and a decade is now a typical time for clearing up the mess.

Weather report

The wind machine is as blasting as ever, which is good for drying washing, but that big, bright object in the sky keeps disappearing behind white patches.
    What is going on?

Noted in passing

Esso petrol is currently 149.9p/litre and diesel is 165.9p/litre just down the road. But with the Yanks and the Iranians shooting at each another again, how long will that last?

Massive climate change!

Spotted yesterday – there are a few yellow leaves on the apple trees among all the greenery. Is this a sign that the seasons are shifting and we can expect Meteorological Autumn to start at the beginning of next month?

Today’s Wisdom

If you have an agenda to service, you’re not going to be too bovvered about a few scrips and scraps of information which don’t fit into the structure.
    Experience tells us that they can always be made to go away when the public’s attention is deflected by a suitable diversion down a blind alley, which looks interesting but turns out not to be.

Hippocritosaurus

It’s something you expect, really. The looney Lefties celebrating the murder of former Tory MP A. Widdecombe gleefully. And then trying to deny everything when they get booted.
    Boo to you, P. Tatchell and the Socialist Worker.

How many?

I keep seeing on yellow butterfly flitting around an area of the garden. Which leaves me wondering if there are several of them taking turns to visit me or just one? Never seeing more than one at any time suggests the latter option.

The fiddle goes on

The Edstone Green power station Drax has set a new world record for its carbon emissions. There’s also a billion quid in subsidies to add to the total for 2025.
● Our wonderful government is still trying to tell us that if it takes advantage of a fiddle approved by the UN, then everything is okay and Green is a subtle shade of puce or anything else it chooses to tell the customers.

Massive drain

Our wonderful government handed out more cash to benefits clients than was raised from income tax in the last financial year.
    And things are only going to get worser with a deader leg leading the party and the deadlegs like Thievin scrambling for a piece of the pie.

Just don’t listen

Virgin Media has just set a new world record – a fine of £28 million from the regulator Ofcom for deliberately obstructing attempts by customers to cancel their contract.
● Even though VM failed to co-operate fully with the investigation, it still got a discount of 30%.

Avoiding a new war zone

Europeon leaders had to agree not to mention the World Cup to avoid the prospect of President $thump stomping out over his team’s dismissal by Belgium.
    This was likely to be his last NATO summit as the rest of the crew are scared to hold another until after The Donald’s term of office ends.

Not much of a gift

The Turkish president, who hosted the latest NATO meeting, is a bit of a joker. He presented Bier Smarmer with a cowboy Colt pistol engraved with the extinct prime fantasist’s name plus 500 rounds of ammo.
    Slight snag; importing that lot into the UK is illegal, and Bier had to leave everything behind when he came home.

Not trusted

You see a lot of plugs for trustatrader.com on the Legend TV channel. One of my correspondents was inspired to give it a try. But he abandoned it double-quick when his anti-virus program popped up a screen saying it wasn’t going to allow the use of a website it didn’t approve of!

A matter of marketing

And so it goes on. More lumps for FIFA. Egypt is claiming that its team was swindled out of a win against Argentina by a got-at officiating crew so that the current champions could progress.

Back West again

The TigerCats visited the RoughRiders on Sunday; 55 degrees on the field!! FG for the RR to start? Missed for a rouge. Sack, fumble RR ball. A rouge for the RR, 1-all. In to Q2, FG for the RR. Another TC fumble, recovered by them for a gain. FG, 4-all. The RR got close as the half ran down, TD, 4-11. Where’s the kick off going? Scoring range, just a FG, 7-11.
    A pick by the Cats in Q3, out on a 3rd & 1. TD for the RR after 10 minutes, 7-18. The TC drove in to Q4, sack, punt. A fumble recovery to the end zone by the RR? Charge! from the TC 1, 7-24 after the PAT missed. Red zone for the Cats; a pick by the RR, taken all the way to the end zone! 7-31. A sack stopped the Cats. Another TD for the Riders, 7-38 final.

Fiscal danger zone

The general cluelessness of Jonah Bandwagon has upset the Office for Budgie Responsibility and the Bonk of England. They are complaining that the current uncertainty and indecision about government policy has left the UK on the brink of a debt precipice. How very Labour.

Not going away

President Thump still wants to be handed Greenland as compensation for NATO’s failure to join in the Israel/USA war with Iran. Do it, or all US troops will be withdrawn from Europe, is the latest threat.

Entirely predictable

Milipede’s Nett Zero scam costs a bomb during hot weather. Occasionals can’t supply enuff power for air conditioning and simple fans to keep the customers cool. Expensive imports from Europe are needed to bridge the Edstone Gaps.

Them Frogs, eh!

M. Le Pen is in manoeuvres with the legal system to get her name on the ballot paper for next year’s presidential election in France. How odd that someone who failed to swindle the EFU out of over a million quid is the favourite to replace Manny MacRon: if allowed to run.

Displacement benefits bonanza

A best guess for the cost of giving our former P.Ms full-time security wherever they go if £100 million/year. And then there’s Bier Smarmer to come. And then the Deadleg from the North when he becomes surplus to the ambitions of others.

Impossible role model

The real reason for MPs of other parties hating the leader of Reform UK is that he doesn’t milk the expenses machine. Not a penny for anything. And his very presence in Parliament makes the grabbers look like what they are – a buncha parasites.

Not convinced

Has the government cracked the problem of abuse of the migrant visa system if the likes of care workers are importing 15 allegedly dependent family members. Or is it just more lies from the Home Office and The Blob?

Treachery

The government is being warned that its attempts to block oil and gas production to the north of the Scottish mainland will cause energy shortages this winter.
    But is anyone in government listening? Do they ever?

Today’s comment

Not much hope of gangs being busted following Labour’s change of leadership given that J.B’s record for ignoring the activities of grooming gangs.

East, for a change

The Calgary Stampeders visited the Alouettes in Montreal on a beautiful summer evening. A FG for the Als to start. Sack then Adams lost the ball when tackled, Als’ ball! On to a TD, 0-10.  Adams fired a pass to the end zone, TD, 7-10. The Als lost a long TD dash to a penalty. In Q2, the Als went to a diving TD. A forced fumble gave the ball to the Stamps, nowt from it. The Als reached the red zone as the half ran out, into the end zone. A 47-yard FG got the Stamps to 13-24.
    Add a point for the Stamps from a rouge in Q3. A FG for the Als. The Stamps came back with a TD, 20-27. To the CS 1 by the Als, TD, 20-34. Bunch sack on Adams, FG. Another sack on Adams in Q4.
    Red zone for the Stamps, TD with 2 minutes to go, 30-37. Close again for the Stamps as time ran out, out on downs with 20 seconds to go. The End.

A staggering challenge

Access to A.I is on the road to making school homework a thing of the past. Homework is already being dismissed by experts as useless for improving the skills of children, and things can only get worser.

Beach excitement

Emergency services went into full flap/panic mode when half a dozen 10-foot metal spheres turned up on a beach in Queensland. The Australian Space Agency concluded that they were rocket-fuel tanks, which had survived the re-entry of a foreign spacecraft.
    Made of titanium alloys, these space balls are among the most common bitz of space junk encountered, the experts reckon.

Grave security flaws

Drone deliveries are supplying everything to convicts in gaol now. Fat-jabs and hair-restoring drugs are freely available in addition to smack, pot and similar offerings.

Just not ready

Bier Smarmer’s failure as a P.M is being blamed on Labour’s failure to prepare for government when in Opposition. J.B is headed down the same road with a bid to set world records for being unprepared when he takes over the job.
● Mr. Bandwagon is also about to stick the wealth generating sector with a bill for £800 million in extra business rates.

Disgusting & Indecent

The leader of the Opposition, Mrs. Badenuff, is trying to shame the goverment into abandoning plans to give the worst criminals early release from gaol. But J.B is on record as saying they shouldn’t be released. Which probably means that they will.

No more cruising

Put’n the Poisoner has had to move his luxury yacht from St. Petersburg as it was within range of Ukraine’s drones. It is now mothballed at Murmansk on the chilly northern coast.

Shake the Magic Money Tree

The juvenile doctors got their massive pay deal and £100K. Now, their senile counterparts; the consultants; are going on strike for one-third more pay and a shorter working week and £200K. No one surprised.

Also out West

The T’ronno Argonauts headed to hot and steamy Winnipeg. The visitors started well but fumbled the ball away inside the Blue Bomber 5. Lots of defence until a BB TD in the 12th minute. A sack on Kelly and a fumble gave the ball back to the BB. 56-yard FG and 0-10.
    Another from 53 yards in Q2. Close again, TD Argos this time, 7-13. Another BB FG. To scoring range as the half ran out, FG, 7-19.
    A pick in the Argo end zone stopped a promising BB drive in Q3. Red zone, TD, 14-19. The BB got close in Q4, FG. The Argos had to punt but ended up with the ball again.
    Nearly a TD, just a FG try, missed, returned all the way for a TD!!! 129 yards. 14-29. TD by the Argos with 3 minutes left, 21-29. 49-yard FG try by the BB, no return, a rouge for the BB, 21-30 final.

All things to everyone

The government is trying to pretend that it's going to keep throwing benefits cash around – the position of the leader in waiting. And it is also going to stop abuses – the position of its current youth employment advisor.

Not to be trusted

Who does Mr. Morden, the secret agent of the Shadows in the world of Babylon 5 remind me of?
    There’s a definited resemblance to a Mr. Jonah Bandwagon in both looks and deeds.

Thumped!

Commit a horrible foul on a football pitch, get a red card and be sent off. But an automatic one-match ban to go with it? Not if you’re in Team USA and your president has the boss of FIFA under this thumb.

Weird bunch!

New Yorkers celebrated the 250th anniversary of America’s 1st civil war by setting fire to the Brooklyn Bridge. The FBI is believed to be looking at the usual anti-$trump suspects.

Just a thought

When the flirty Eyelasher, Jonah Bandwagon, makes his much put off maiden speech in the House of Commons, will that count as him getting as close to being a woman in all but sex as is humanly possible?

On the map

A trawl through the Mansion’s bookcases turned up a 2002 edition of the Manchester AtoZ, which revealed that there are 2 Downing Streets in the area.
    There is one in Ashton-under-Lyme with easy access to the M60 motorway.
    Nearer the city centre, the north-south road that goes past Piccadilly railway station becomes Downing Street for a while after being crossed by the A57(M).

In the jeans

Jonah Burnbum, we are being reminded, used to claim that a mansion tax is the polyticks of envy. But J.B is Labour and Labour is the party of envy. He needs to be bashed with different clubs.

Unfit for purpose

The EFU is being told to scrap its disastrous entry/exit system for citizens of non-EFU states. There is abundant evidence that it just doesn’t work and the queues are getting longer and longer.

Some real sport

The RedBlacks went to Edmonton to start Week 6 of the CFL. The Antlers drove to scoring range, walk-in TD! Lotz of defence into Q2. A FG for the Ants after 7 minutes, 0-10. Penalty, Charge! From the EA 1, 7-10.
    A pick in the 14th minute by the Ants stopped the visitors. Monster play to a FG for the Ants and 7-13. Seconds left, a HUGE FG, 7-16.
    A pick in Q3 stopped the RB. Bomb pass by Fajardo but out on downs. TD for the RB toward the end of the quarter, 14-16.  The Ants drove into Q4, on to a TD. FG for the visitors, 17-23. Through the defence for another EA TD.
    A pick stopped the RB in the 11th minute. Another run through the RB defence, 17-37. And another pick. And another sprint, 67 yards, cancelled by a penalty, just a FG, 17-40 final.

File under ‘U’ for Up-’em!

If Labour can get away with triggering a whole series of cosmetic elections; parliamentary, mayoral, council, etc., why shouldn’t Nigel Farage do it to mock all the stooges who are trying to fit him up?

The box is the same size

The strawberry portions at Bloody Wimbledon are being shown on the internet in large numbers. Predictably, the price of a serving is up and the number in a portion has been cut from the traditional 10 to the number of fingers on two hands, i.e. eight. If you’re lucky.
    Sometimes, the number is made up by cutting berries in half and sometimes only half a dozen strawbs are on offer.

The end

Is the legal trade in deep mourning after the collapse of the case brought by Prince Hairy and other luvvies against the Daily Disaster collaped completely? Or are the legal bods too busy counting and stashing the £50 million extracted from clients?

Insecurity

If Put’nstani hackers are running riot at Whitehall and strolling through firewalls, are we to be reassured by news of what our hackers are doing in Mockba? Or is Labour too useless to use hackers?

Another bite?

Is Jonah Burnbum planning to boost alcohol tax? Is that why he thinks football fans should be allowed to take drinks to their seat during a match?

World Cup holiday

The number-crunchers are still trying to work out how big a hit the wealth-creating sector took on the Monday after football fans turned up late or not at all.
    There is also a balancing factor of things that weren’t screwed up by skiving snivel servants to consider.

Stasi tactics

Two coppers in Chiswick became internet video stars when they admitted that a bloke hadn’t broken any laws when they tried to intimidate him into not making damaging posts about a green grotter local councillor. No satisfaction from the Metropolitan Police over this latest outrage.

The ‘no clue’ set

Actual fans of tennis are annoyed by the way influenzers have been able to blag tickets for Bloody Wimbledon to use the event to promote themselves and their products, and make the tennis insultingly incidental.

The Mount Rushmore Kid

President $trump is getting a booting for making the celebration of the 250th birthday of America’s first civil war all about himself. In the real world, his war on Iran and the costa living have taken his approval ratings to historic lows.

Be more offensive

Put’n the Poisoner is reported to see the way ahead in his assault on Ukrain as an attack on Poland. This is expected to make President $trump abandon NATO and leave Put’nstan as the boss everywhere east of the Untied States.

Snide snipe

Bier Smarmer would have us believe that he was an incredibly successful Prime Fantasist, who saved the Labour party.
    Translation: Labour can’t handle success and that’s why he was binned. B.S also took time out from defending his Never Here Bier reputation to take a swipe at Jonah Burnbum’s lack of interest in diplomacy.
● The P.M no one voted for has been exposed as not even half-baked. Could he even manage 10% baked, i.e. still soggy and collapsible?

Do, do vs talk, talk

The German government is going to make workers see a doctor before they get even one sick day off in response to high rates of sick leave. Here, the government is doing nothing. But one of its business sector advisors is advocating a health MOT to end our  high sick leave crisis.

Bad lot

The manager of England’s World Cup team has an excellent alibi for the team crashing out of the tournament. The standard of refereeing is now seen as erratic and not up to the job. And the 4th officials on the sidelines are also power-crazed and NBG.

Cute, but no sale

“Years of clinical husting” was the phrase that stuck from a TV advert that I was ignoring. But it’s not something I’m going to rush to buy as I have no idea what the product is!

Foreigners, eh!

Nasty business, this World Cup football. England were reported to be wary of Mexican spies trying to steal their team plan before the match there. And ready for dirty tricks by the locals, who have a habit of letting off lots of firework outside a visiting team’s hotel.
    That’s in addition to the air horn serenades and revving motorbike engines, which provoked an official protest from Equador. There were lots of armed police on overtime around our team’s hotel to prevent it from happening again.

Also NFFP

The rurally illiterate Jonah Bandwagon is being told that there is a lot more to the South of England than the London area, and neglect is routine in the sticks Darn Sarf.
    The message is being delivered from all sides by those rural Southerners who expect to be ignored when Wigan becomes the Jewel of the North and everywhere else Oop Norf is neglected. Sounds like rural Northerners should be yelling too as they are sure to be left out when cities are favoured.

Not fit for purpose

Sales of electric cars are dropping as potential buyers find out that essential systems are poorly protected from even minor shunts, e.g. 10 mph. Worse, replacements for broken items costs thousands of pounds.
    If you can find somewhere to do the job.

Turn-about is okay

Why is it a crime against humanity for Bier Smarmer to have thrown Jonah Binbag under the defence bus? He was just doing unto another what the other has done to him.

Enduring, as planned

Someone was complaining(?) that there are more Queen Elizabeth banknotes in circulation than King Chuck ones. Check wallet, Chuck outnumbered three to one.
    But plastic is supposed to last and that’s why paper notes were replaced. And it’s obviously doing its job so soon after the change of monarch.

Major industry

Crumbs! Popster T. Swift and on-the-way-out NFL star T. Kelce invited 1,100 of their ‘close friends’ to the wedding. You’d definitely have to be a zillionaire with a huge staff to service all them birthday, Xmas and other cards!

And so it goes on

What do you get if you bugger off to Greece and don’t tell the DWP that you’re no longer entitled to thousands of pounds of benefits? Away with it, even if you have previous for theft and handling stolen goods.

No change

The Parasite from the North will not be cutting the welfare bill. His back-benchers are too reliant on benefits votes to stand for it. No one surprised.

It happens

It seems that the woke Baroness Amos report on failed maternity care is fit only for the dustbin, in the opinion of the victims. No one surprised.

Drone games

Put’nstan is using shadow fleet tankers as a base of operations for buzzing RAF stations with drones. Sounds like we need our submarine drones to saw off a few propellors to put a stop to it.

Daft place to do it

Good advert for the brand – England footballers swanning around in COOLIT underpants in the 92 deg.F at their training ground in Kansas before heading for Mexico City. Which is Mile-High plus 50%.
    Did they need oxygen breaks as well as hydration breaks in their match against Mexico? Or do we believe that our footballers are too tough to need such stuff?
    Nice to be spared cheats knocking the ball into the goal with their fist this time around.

Justice delayed . . .

Two years ago, 3 little girls were murdered at a dance class in Southport. The taxi driver who took the killer there fled the scene and didn’t phone the police for an hour.
    He has only just had his operating licence cancelled for failing to meet appropriate standards. A decision which is out of the same box.

New career?

Wee Burney Sturgeon, having failed to separate Scotland from the UK, is putting herself about in London. Is she hoping J.B will give her a Cabinet job? Such as Minster for Not Noticing Things Going Wrong?

We’re Doomed!

The Met Office seems to be doing its level best to make us think its latest heat wave will go on until at least Christmas. And the warmists want us to think that all the crabs and other sea life with a shell around our coasts will be gobbled up by exotic predators from southern parts.

Pointless but harmless

South Koreans have so little to do with themselves that they are having to go to fake websites to waste time. The sites let them pretend to buy stuff, such as clothing and takeaway grub, but when they eventually go to the checkout, that’s it. No payment. No delivery. Just some time wasted.

Educated Africans

Apparently, one of England’s World Cup matches was against a beam from a highly qualified African country – Dr. Congo. Which leaves me wondering if a country celebrating a doctorate in something is out of the same box as Malta having a George Cross.

A hole in the scam

An expert is warning that Jonah Bandwagon’s devolution plan just shifts power from London to other cities. Rural areas appear to be invisible to him.
    In fact, he’s rurally illiterate, which comes as no surprise if he’s never done anything much outside polyticks.

The perils of woke

Vets are issuing warnings about woke owners putting meat-eating pets on a vegan diet. All sorts of things can go wrong if the animal’s nutrient balance isn’t right, and achieving this is well beyond the average wokist.
● Cats are carnivores and should NOT be on a vegan diet.

Wrong message

President $trump is reported to be considering 250 presidential pardons for criminals, including evil, nasty and treacherous ones to mark the 250th anniversary of the first civil war in the Untied States. Worra daft idea!

Self-protection

One of the Daily Disaster’s correspondents seeking an Answer asked if there’s a 10 Downing Street in the North where Jonah Burnbum could make his base.
    If there is, the residents will be working at pace to get the street name changed to avoid being lumbered with a deadleg!

Serious money

The 93,525 asylum claims lodged in the year to March 2026 will cost the taxpayer £1.7 BILLION. Legal trade, snivel service, accommodation, etc.; it all added up.

Wot Next continued . . .

The attempts to stitch up the leader of Reform UK are getting increasingly desperate. Such as pretending that he should have added a property owned by someone else to his MP’s register of interests.
    And things can only get worser as Labour’s looney Left struggles more and more.

Be advised

Labour’s Magic Money Tree has been rebranded as Headroom; just to keep everyone good and confused.
● Insiders are now expecting some political dodo to be added to the Cabinet as Secretary of State for Headroom. Probably someone who is neither white nor male on diversity replacing talent grounds.

Jealous rage

President $trump has outraged his opponents by making $2.25 million during his first year in office. A big chunk came from his family’s cryptocurrency business, and a large range of branded products raised the rest.
    Democrap politicians with nothing to sell are particularly outraged by his enterprise.

Another U-turn

The coppers who handcuffed dying Henry Nowak and wouldn’t believe he’d been stabbed will be investigated for gross misconduct. Tankerload of whitewash diverted to Hampshire?

One with history

The banking brand which started as the Halifax Perpetual Building Society in 1853 is about to hit the buffers and be o’blitereated. Current owner, Lloyds, is doing more branch shrinkage.

Unanswered Question

What is the point of CHANGE if it just swaps one clueless deadleg for another of the same?

Not exactly news

Anyone surprised that Jonah Burnbum’s back benchers have told him he can’thave a general election that would put most of them on the dole?
    No? Quel surprise!

Today’s Conclusion

The future’s mockery of people living now will be the more severe because the mocked will have failed to learn the above simple truth about the past. Knowledge is a multiple-edged weapon.

Sunday in Hamilton

The Blue Bombers visited the TigerCats to close Canada Weekend. The Cats picked the BB first play! Red zone, TD for Lawler after a review. The BB managed a FG after 12 minutes. Collards sacked to start Q2, punt.
    A FG for the Cats, 3-10. Flagfest with 3 minutes left, the Cats close. Nearly a pick, just a FG, 3-13. A missed FG by the BB gave them a rouge.
    Mitchell injured when sacked early in Q3. The Bombers found the end zone, 11-13. Lawler with a TD to start Q4? Incomplete pass. Lotz of defence. A pick stopped the Cats. Too many TC players kept the Bombers going, into the red zone, FG with 22 seconds left, 14-13 final.

That’s telling ’em!

If you are unable to watch the following episode of the $6 Million Man without becoming offended by past attitudes, then you are a defective and you need to report for involuntary re-education.
    The past is the product of the prevailing circumstances, as is the current present, which will be mocked mercilessly by the cultures of the future.

Today’s Quibble

It is totally incorrect to call Jonah Bandwagon ‘Bier Smarmer’s successor’ as ‘success’ is not something which can be associated with either of them.

Fair comment

Bier Smarmer’s U-turn on letting pubs stay open to 5 a.m. this Monday morning for the England vs Mexico World Cup match was described as a ‘rare popular’ one.
    Which is fair as popular doesn’t apply to the majority of what Bier does.

Yeah, right

The Home Sec. reckons she’s going to close the ‘right to family life’ loophole exploited by illegals, who create a brood of kids they can’t support. and the legal trade.
    Good luck with that, matie!

Medical millions

Paying off the juvenile doctors [this time only?] will cost the taxpayer over £200 million. The government has no idea where the cash will come from.
    Translation: they’re still arguing over which tax they can get away with raising.
● The current health sec. thinks the deal is good for taxpayers. What’s he been smoking?

How very Labour

The Treasury is getting a booting for ditching maths tests for prospective employees in the name of diversity as they discriminate against people who can’t add up.

Liquid protection

The coffee industry is smiling after a study found that people who drink 5 or more cups per day are 50% less likely to get liver cancer than non-coffeeists. And even 1 or 2 cups per day helps.

Everything is defective

NHS maternity services have been found to be located in crumbling and filthy hospitals, and not fit for purpose. That last charge also applies to the investigators who talked about ‘birthing people’ in their report instead of women.
    But no danger of them being binned, of course.

Super-Duper Swindle

Female Labour MPs are telling Jonah Bandwagon that 50% of newly created ministers should be women.
    Is this a golden opportunity to claim that the party is doing this ‘in all but sex’?

Health-free pills

What’s a good way to feel virtuous? Don’t take the vitamin and other dietary supplements on offer. The experts have found they are a rip-off pricewise and some of them are actually harmful.

Out West

The Edmonton Antlers visited the Lions to start Canada Weekend. A long opening drive went to a TD Charge! for the home team. The Ants were stopped but a pick gave them a short field. On to a TD but the PAT try was a bad miss. Swiss cheese, the Lions inside the 10, just a FG, 6-10.
    In Q2, Fajardo to the end zone, TD Antlers, +2, 14-10. The Lions were back for a TD, PAT blocked! Another TD in the 13th minute, 14-23. A tipped pass picked by the Lions, FG, 14-26. Fajardo to the end zone, TD catch. Time for a FG for the Lions and 21-29.
    A good gain for the Ants late in Q3 ended with fumbling the ball away. A shove-in TD for the Lions to start Q4. The Ants managed a FG, 24-36.
    A FG try by the Lions missed. A pick by the Ants in the 10th minute, pick close to the BC end zone by the Lions! No more scoring.

Still not sold

Despite all the guff about a heat wave this weekend, the Mansion Cat spent the morning on a windowsill looking out and avoiding getting rained on.

Even more political B.S

plant-based collaboration: only vegans welcome
complimentary industrial dusters: Keep our factories and other workplaces tidy
a mission to skive: shirking @ home in Wigan instead of where the governing goes on
Bonus: Andy Pandy in Manchester will be Andrew Pandrew in London?

Phantom Phoner

The phone rings; it’s a mobile number starting with 073, but when you say “Hello?”, the line goes dead.
    Burglars finding out if there’s anyone at home at a potential target?

Pedestrian challenge

What happened to the parcel bots which were banned in Canada and the US? Could they be about to start chugging along Britain’s streets at 4 mph, delivering groceries and takeaways, and causing mayhem on broken pavements?

Futile gesture

The Home Sec. has decided that asylum seekers will have to repay 10 grand of the cash they blagged from taxpayers. But repayment will be means-tested with the result that admin costs will far exceed any cash raised.

Polyticks Xplained a bit more

Our Prime Fantasist wannabe is not afraid of questions. The reason why Jonah never responds to them is that he doesn’t have any answers. It’s that simple.

Over-promoted

The Ford motor company has been forced to re-hire over 300 retired engineers to improve the reliability of its vehicles.
    The staff were junked when that job was handed to A.I systems, which have failed to live up to the propaganda behind them.

More Polytics Xplained

Devolution: The person who is supposed to be in charge doesn’t have a clue and can’t take difficult decisions, so he/she had dumped the problems off elsewhere.
Circuit-breaker: Someone who shuts off a system which is working and brings everything grinding to a halt for no apparent reason.

Just a thought

When the number of excess deaths due to hot weather is guessed at, will there be a share of the blame parked on Edstone Milipede for encouraging councils to rip out air conditioners and for making electricity unaffordable to those who needed it most?

Friday in the nation’s capital

The RoughRiders travelled east to face the RedBlacks on a perfect evening. The home team stopped the opening drive with a turn-over and zoomed to a TD. They blocked a punt half-way through Q1, short field, FG from Lauther, 0-10. Finally, the Riders scored a TD early in Q2. The RB coughed up the kick off return, FG, 10-all. One for either team, 13-all at half time.
    Two minutes in to Q3, the RR returned a punt for a TD! A FG in reply from the RB, 20-16. Another RR TD to close Q3. A bomb pass early in Q4 put the RedBlacks at the RR 1, TD, no +2, 27-22. The RB got close but went out on downs. The RR ate clock to win 27-22.

Another shaking

The Magic Money Tree has been rattled to give juvenile doctors a huge pay rise which will put them on £100K before they reach consultant status. And it will, no doubt, encourage them to vote for even more strikes for even more.

Failed con job

Wednesday’s paper was threatening us with a killer weekend heat wave. What do we have today, Saturday? Horizon to horizon cloud cover and the wind machine blasting away. Yes, it’s warm but it is one hell of a long way from Scorchio! And with the sun not shining, my laptop internet connection is okay!

Pontificate at Home

Jonah Bandwagon is planning to be a Part-Time Fantasist, turning up at Downing Street from time to time, and shirking at home in Wigan. Lotz of time to be wasted on travelling and pretty well Nett Zero scrutiny of what the snivel servants are getting up to darn sarf.

New world record

Serbia Smarmer is now being offered as the first British P.M to be forced to resign for being too successful.
    Not likely to be a fate that awaits J.B?

There’s always a way

How can a water company, which is a major source of pollution, get away with giving huge amounts of cash to the boss as a reward for failure? The regulators can ban bonuses but not an ‘allowance’ given as shares worth hundreds of thousands of pounds. So that’s what the bosses are getting now.

Another costa living crisis

Vet bills are now so enormous that the RSPCA is warning that pet hosts are relying on A.I crApps for advice when things go wrong and breaking the law by not getting help for an animal which is suffering.
    Not something the Mansion Cat needs to worry about, I hasten to add.

Stop, go

The pundits have been declaring that the Reform UK bubble has burst, hard luck, Nige. But now, they are telling us that J.B’s immigrant trawling and Angrier Rainer’s benefits for migrants campaign will revive Reform’s flagging fortunes.
    Oh, well.

Tech Stealth Tax

Use an Apple or Gooble crApp to buy something and you will be ripped off for 15%, 25% or 30% of the price, a campaign group seeking crApp fairness has found. The tech monsters have a strangle-hold on the firms creating crApps and they can get away with anything.

What’s slower than dead stop?

Bloody hell! Aren’t Virgin Media and Gooble’s internet stuff crap speedwise when the sun’s shining!

Week 5 already!

 Send the Argos to Calgary, where the Stampeders started with a major, and colleced a rouge from their kick off. TD for the Argos in reply, 7-8. A spectacular pick gave the ball to the Stamps in the 12th minute, on to a TD in Q2.
    A FG in reply from the Argos, 10-15. Another TD for the Stamps near the end of the half. The Argos had time to get inside the 10, walk-in TD by Kelly, +2, 18-22.
    A 73-yard TD for Jones to start Q3, 18-29. Another catch by Jones set up a TD pass by Adams, 18-36. Another TD for the Argos, 24-36. DPI in the Argo end zone, Charge! 24-44 with +2.
    Into Q4, TD for the Argos, no +2, 30-44. A TD for the Stamps in the 5th minute. An early pick stopped the Argos, nearly a sack but a TD pass delivered, 30-58. Another TD for the Argos, 36-58 final.

On the up?

Labour’s legal geniuses are working at pace to raise the age of criminal responsibility from 10 to 14. If they manage that, the next stop will have to be 16, which will be the voting age by then.
    After that, what? Abolish criminal responsibility entirely to buy even more votes?

Outcast

Thievin Reeves wasn’t at Bier Smarmer’s farewell party in the garden at No. 10 because the Bierites are now dumping the blame for his departure on her.
    Thievin, meanwhile, is trying to cosy up to J.B to keep her economy-wrecking spree going.

Today’s Question

How much does it add to your carbon footprint if you drive one car to the start point of your brief jog for the cameras and then drive home in another car parked for you by a minion? Who will have to be driven to where you parked car No. 1 to drive it back to your home ready for the next outing.

Just mindblowing

The Jonah Bandwagon luvvie wing of the Labour party doesn’t want economic growth. They see it as something as bad as cancer.
    So what’s the answer? Get Put’n the Poisoner to nuke the UK to give everyone some free radiation treatment to make sure there can’t be any economic growth because everyone is either dead or crippled?

Jonah’s poison pill

 Bier Smarmer’s Wonderful Defence Plan arrived a year late, after he became toast and it’s £15 billion short, which means there will have to be £10 billion of cuts. But it does give aid and comfort to Britain’s enemies, which is always Labour’s aim.

Takeaway or taken for a ride

Lamb kebabs containing Nett Zero lamb, we were told on the lunchtime TV news. Definitely a great reason for sticking with home cooking and knowing what’s in what you eat.

Skullduggers

Another bit of Labour sneakery has been exposed. The looney Left were hoping that no one would notice their scrapping of the Conservative law which denies illegals a UK passport. Wrong!
● The Home Secretary is calling this a minor change. Like her change from wanting to deport all illegals within a week of arrival?

Futile fantasy

The outgoing by eviction Bier Smarmer is busy cancelling ships for the Royal Navy in favour of air and sea unmanned drones. He thinks this will buy him a new job as Secretary General of NATO. Weird!

Well, why not?

Maybe we could start a fashion for incorporating crossword clues into political journalism. As in: Our badly illuminated (3) Prime Fantasist wannabe came up with another of his U-turns today when he . . .

In perspective

Has Bier Smarmer left a legacy? Or is it more of a clipping from a little toenail rather than a whole leg?

Successful hijacking

The doctors’ union, the BMA, is to oppose NHS plans for tacking anti-Semitism. It interferes with the right to free speech and expressing support for terrorist groups, appears to be the argument on offer.

Active day

The wind machine is on overtime now that we have escaped from the Met Office’s heat dome and the apple trees are getting a good thrashing.
    The Mansion Cat is parked on one of her window sill observations posts and not inclined to go out. Must be a typical British summer now.
    Oh, yes, the Sun does manage to look through the clouds very occasionally.

Scroungers’ Charter

The Polish government is using a website to encourage citizens who are in the UK but planning to return to milk the sloppy UK benefits system for all they can blag first. Allies like them we definitely do not need.

Lawyer’s laxity

It is being argued that imposing J.B on the nation as our next useless Prime Fantasist is in line with Serbia Smarmer’s declaration that he would “restore service and respect to politics”.
    How? Because there’s a loophole. ‘Service’ includes ‘self-service’. And which blackish-blue T-shirter do we associate with that?

Realists, maybe?

GenZers are accused of all sorts of weirdness, but maybe their preference for using a taxi instead of becoming a motorist makes sense. Getting a driving test appointment is pretty well impossible thanks to A.I systems and spivs grabbing them for resale. And spivish local councils are doing their level best to make motoring unaffordable with all sorts of scams.

Tariff tantrum

President Thump is threatening to slap 100% tariffs on imports from the UK if Jonah Bandwagon taxes tech companies. Cute!

Time warp

We’re going back to the 1970s, J.B reckons. There will be millions of council houses full of migrants and factories making stuff that won’t be able to compete with Chinese prices.
    All utilities will be in the hands of the state and strike-happy trade unions, and all this will be achieved in the 2 years before Jonah gets the boot in favour of another charlatan messiah.

Another dip

Esso petrol has gone down 2p to 149.9p/litre locally but diesel is still stuck at 167.9p/litre.

So it’s burning, so what?

Labour’s woke obsession with rewilding is putting the kybosh on sensible land management and creating the conditions which devastated the Los Angeles area with wildfires.
    A monster moorland fire in Derbyshire at the end of last week was one of the early products of rewilding.