Death awaits them

The green-posturing SNP and Edstone Milipede are planning to turn the Firth of Forth into a puffin-free zone by building a monstrous off-shore wind farm of four times the size of the city of Edinburgh.
    All puffins returning to this part of Scotland after migrating will be mashed; possibly because they are the wrong colour, i.e. not green?

Not me, Gov

The Prime Fantasist’s Silly Season continues with a declaration that he wasn’t in charge, his alleged minion McSweety made all this decisions for him.
    As a lawyer, Smarmer is incapable of making his mind up, especially when Toxic Hot Potatoes are on the menu.

Just criminal

Good news: The daft plan to build a road tunnel by-pass near Stonehenge has been binned.
Bad news: The usual scroungers copped for over £220 million of our money whilst talking about it.

Pesky humans

The Mansion Cat does not approve of spring refurbishments. Putting new roofing felt on the garden sheds where she parks to sun herself keeps getting in the way for her Plan For The Day.

Passing news

Seen in a paper being recycled: Are we in danger of suicidal empathy?
    Probably not, but let’s pretend we are to shock the gullible.

Sense? Who needs it?

The big problem facing Mr. Alias, the attention-seeking green grotter honcho, is what to do next? After every bit of lunacy, like rounding up all the right-wingers and flooding the UK with migrants, wot next?
    And if it could be years before there’s another general election, where will be be then? Left of Stalin, Mao and Attila the Hun?

Minor inconvenience

Lord Squirmer has been reported to the Bar Standards Board over his witch hunt against Iraq war veterans based on ‘evidence’ known to be false. He is expected to squirm out of his spot of difficulty in due course.

Somewhat typical

Birmingham’s Labour council has given in to the striking binpersons after a year of rats and rubbish-filled street in the hope of keeping the votes of the comrades in the May local elections.

The Way Ahead

Okay, we know that Uncle Bier is a useless liar and Net Zero in leadership and other skills. Can we all just move on now and ignore him completely in the future?
    That way, people wouldn’t have to disrupt their day to Jeer Bier when he does a walk-through of an area after a terrorist assault on members of the local Jewish community.

Deluded to the Max: the Niedergang Kid

The latest alibi for Bier Smarmer is that he really, actually, truly believes that most people think he’s a really great guy and no matter what he does during one of his stoopid blunders, they’ll have his back. Sounds like he belongs in a padded cell if he doesn’t realize that his silent majority isn’t making any noise coz it don’t exist. And Bier never stops being Bier.

Rebrand

The government’s Prevent programme is being obliged to rename itself Ignore under the terms of the Trades Descriptions Act following its failures to deal with obvious terrorists in the making.

Sneaky, or what!

The Metropolitan Police will be reduced to just a handful of meter maids! No, it’s not quite that bad, but setting an A.I system loose on the records has identified hundreds of idle and/or thieving officers, who face the sack. Including senior ones.

War, War not Jaw, Jaw

The US Secretary of War is not impressed by the Europeon response to the Hortmuz Situation. They should be on the spot, blasting Iranian mines instead of talking endlessly and scoffing posh grub and drink at the expense of taxpayers.

Dodgy Data

Sensation! Shoplifting was down 1% in 2025 compared with 2024! Actually, no. The Home Office has just shifted some shoplifting cases into the robbery category.

Sounds a good idea

What we need for the snivel servants such as the Cabinet Office crew is a Going Away Index – an indication of the amount of slithering that was necessary to make the allegations just go away when they were accused of bullying, playing fast and loose with expenses, etc.

Shudda bin done

Is it true that King Chuck and Queen Camilla were issued with the new light-weight, ‘invisible’ bullet-proof vests for their ordeal in Thumpland?
    There are still plenty of twats with gats in circulation in the Untied States.

Bound to happen

How much intimidation, fraud and coercion will be ignored on polling day next month? Place your bets now!

Oooops!

The Home Office is getting another booting for parking illegals in houses of multiple occupation near schools in remote areas and trying to keep this quiet.
    Shame that gangs of illegals hanging around at schools and molesting the kids is giving the game away.

Another deal disaster

What’s the Labour take on payment by results, such as shoving cash at the French for stopping small boats?
    If the number of arrivals of illegals here goes UP, the Frogs STILL get paid the dosh is the Labour way.

Mandarin solidarity

The heads of the snivel service are lining up to boot Serbia Smarmer for his sacking of Oily Roberts over the Mandelsleaze embarrassment. If there was ever a way to blunder, our Prime Fantasist managed to find it, is their story.
● Much of the above is fuelled by the mandarins’ distress over people probing into the shenannygoats they get up to and try to keep hidden.

Not a chance

Will Bier Smarmer sack Lord Squirmer for his assaults on British troops who served in Iraq on the basis of lies told by the clients who helped him to stuff his pockets? The world awaits in a state of resignation for nothing to happen.

Silly buggers on steroids

Smarmer orders his MPs to vote against investigating the latest Mandelsleaze scandal. They hold a prize draw with the winners pretending to rebel and vote against the investigation?
    The message? We know this stinks, everyone knows this stinks but we’re too cowardly to do anything other than go along with it to avoid putting our cushy jobs at risk.
    Bier’s Day of Reckoning? Ha!

Today’s extra question

If Bier Smarmer has been such a gift to those who are trying to attract votes to Reform UK, why are they so keen to get shot of him?

Not of lot of people know this

What’s the real reason for King Chuck’s visit to the US? It’s actually to give President Thump a chance to apologize for all the cheek his upstart young country has given to its parent nation.

No one fooled

The Labour party was really worried about who would be contaminated by an inquiry into the lies surrounding the latest Mandelsleaze scandal. Hence the arm-twisting to prevent it from happening.

Applicable Saying

“If it ain’t broke, keep messing about with it until it is.”

Gone for good

The BierBC is actually binning a 52-year-old football preview Saturday TV show because viewers have decided it’s too woke to watch.
    Former viewers are accused of deserting the sinking ship in favour of anti-social meeja on the interweb.

Another Question

Q: What do you get when a Labour government sticks more red tape all over the rules for renting houses and flats?
A: People with a property portfolio sell up, finding somewhere to rent becomes harder and rental rates soar to pay for all the extra messing about.

More speculation

The Conservatives and Reform will have to bang heads together to avoid inflicting a coalition of chaos of all the other parties on us, say the doombuggers.
    But let us not forget that there’s a hell of a lot of stuff that will happen in the meantime before the next general election is due. And this is just speculation of the space-filling sort.

Question & Answer

Q: What do you get when a Labour government gives foreigners access to the medical data of half a million NHS customers? A decision which was approved by the Health Sec. and PM hopeful Wee Streeting.
A: The data is offered for sale by Chinese spivs.

All bets covered

Next month’s local elections could might maybe change the shape of Britisch pollytics, an academic guru reckons. Or not. So now we know.

Tough guy Farage

The Reform leader is going to make himself really unpopular with Labour’s benefits clients. They can go on strike, they can riot and he’ll still chop them down to size. If he gets to be PM, of course.

Same problem, different source

The mayor of Athens is having a similar problem to the previous one with invaders from abroad. Tourists are wrecking the joint and making life miserable for the residents.
    But how to cull the invaders? That is the problem.

Another drugs legacy

Colombia hopes that killing 40% of its hippo population will prevent them from being a severe threat to native species and river systems.
    The imported animals were originally confined on the estate of a notorious drug baron but they escaped when he was wiped out over 30 years ago.

All quiet there

Did King Chuck and Queen Camilla arrive in the Untied States to find themselves in a storm over the Falkland Islands?
    Actually, no. But hey, that was last week’s ‘news’. It’s all forgotten now.

An essential bloke

It was Triple Kirk Night on Legend yesterday. He was in charge, sort of, of the Starship Enterprise, then he was a crazy astronaut pal of the $6 Million Man, then he was T.J.-ing as Hooker, the cop.

We will, we will, Thump you!

Desperate for wars to end to build up his Nobel Prize credits, President Thump is trying to get the Argies to attack the Falkland Islands again so that he can step in and claim to have ended yet another war. There is also an assumption that the Smarmer/Squirmer axis would come up with some dodgy piece of ‘international law’ to encourage the Argies.

Return to drawing board

A virtue-flagging, carbon-locking scheme to plant thousands of trees in Scotland has hit the buffers. The Scottish Greens had been hoping to blag £2 billion from investors but three years on, not a cent has been forthcoming as potential investors are going for reliables like gold rather than getting involved in carbon credits scams.

Nothing to offer

The best argument the SNP can come up with after dire decades in government north of the border is that a vote for them in the elections for the Scottish parliament would be a vote of no confidence in Bier Smarmer. Which is limp, at best.

More hands in our pockets

Bogus asylum seekers from Afghanistan should be allowed to stay here, campaigners reckon, because the Talibandits are an evil and thuggish regime. Which means it would be inhuman to send the small boaters back where they came from.

Freedom from Scrutiny

Glasgow City Council has a cute excuse for ignoring Freedom of Information requests. It won’t give details of inspections of vape shops like the one which started the fire which destroyed a historic building on Union Street.
    Why? Because it would be ‘unreasonable’ to do a manual review of thousands of Trading Standards records. Which suggests they’re filed on odd scraps of paper rather than a computer system as an evasion tactic.

Just another thought

If the green grotters don’t want right-wingers near them, maybe we could round them up, along with the rest of the UK’s looney lefties, and dump them on Greenland for President Thump to sort out.

Total ignorance!

The Cumbria Nature Festival organizers are having to tell people after tickets that it’s for wildlife enthusiasts, not nutty nudists. And everyone attending will have to keep their kit on.

Phut!

Is it a ‘bombshell’ if a poll predicts that Reform and the grotters will do well in next month’s council elections? Or is it just some journo getting hyped by what’s been on the cards for ages? Yawn.

From another world

What’s a great bit of lawyer-think? Putting a Beware Of The Dog sign on the front gate of a house means that you don’t have to pay compenbluddysation if the animal attacks a member of your staff inside the house.

Denial Disasters

The way he’s going, Bier Smarmer will end up in one of those collections books. The one I’m currently reading is called Hippo  Eats Dwarf! by Alex Boese. It’s presented as the world’s greatest urban myths, fakes and hoaxes, along with some true stuff to keep the reader baffled.
    Like ex-president Slick Willy Clinton, Bier will have his own long section in the chapter on Worst of the Worst in a similar book, which will be devoted to the most unbelievable excuses of all time.

No deader legs

The thing about the current Labour political catastrophe is that none of the players has a reputation for anything other than failure. Mandelsleaze, Smarmer, old Oily, McSweety, Edstone, Lady ‘White Van Man’, Angrier the failed tax dodger (so far as we know there’s not been a fix yet) and all the rest.
    And if Diane Abbott has to be offered as a voice of reason, they’re in real trouble!

Harm to the max

Labour’s attempts to fiddle hospital waiting lists are putting cancer patients at risk of getting vital treatment delayed, GPs are warning. No one surprised.

No problem

A evil man died but is this justice? the headline in a newspaper being recycled asked.
    Well, if he got the same justice in gaol that he gave to the little girls that he killed, then the answer has to be a resounding affirmative.

Insufficient Expertise

Sir D. Attenborough has reached 100 with notional treasure status. How best to take him down a peg or two? A good start is to point out that he is totally wrong in his view that human agriculture is wrecking The Planet.
    The world is producing more food from a declining amount of agricultural land. But the best club to clobber him with is his approval of Greenhouse Grotter’s ‘look at me’ antics!

A bright future

50% of the nation’s under 30s are chicken bastards who would not fight for their country under any circumstances. Which means that all we have to do is spread this attitude to the rest of the world, get it up to 100% and wars will become impossible!!

Like for like

Bier Smarmer, before ending up in No. 10, guaran-damn-teed that he would get rid of the (Tory) conveyor belt of cronyism. And he did. By replacing it with a Labour conveyor belt of cronyism. Which leaves us better off how?

Good boy’s alibi

Sinister forces decided that the Mandelsleaze had to be our US ambassodor as he could manipulate Mr. Thump. Bier was told to make it happen and, like a good boy, he did as he was told.
    Same with Oily, who went through the usual snivel service antics to get his orders done.

Sexism by women don’t count?

How very strange that the Fantasist of the Exchequer has been able to get away with a ban on art works by men in 11 Downing Street. No surprise, however, that the bill for a portrait of Thievin by a female artist went to the taxpayer.

Is this a joke?

The NHS Trust in Gateshead got a good booting for telling parents to get babies used to eating solids by feeding them biscuits, crisps and chocolate.
    Cue a deafening roar of disapproval from the anti-o’besity campaigners who want an end to the ultra-processed junk foods which teenagers scoff by the ton.

Aaaa-CHOO!!

Climate change is making the hay fever season start sooner and last longer, the experts reckon. The pollen-producing trees and plants are getting down to business one to two weeks earlier than during the 1990s.

Slight error of judgement

What’s the Smarmer escape route? Blame everything on the departed backroom boss McSweety! Bier was just being a good boy and doing what he was told when he made the Mandelsleaze our US Ambassodor.
    Just a small blunder, nowt to worry about, not a sacking offence. Same with all the B.S he’s fed to Parliament. Bier is just a lawyer and a mouthpiece, not a decision-maker.

Be warned!

Stand by for hosepipe bans. We had only about 0.001% of the average April rainfall and unfixed leaky pipes have left all the reservoirs half-full instead of topped up with early spring rain.

Endless procession

Another twat with a gat running riot at a do in the Untied States near President Thump. A bulletproof vest does its job for a Secret Service agent. Cue a shower of mealy-mouthed routine from the usual suspects, who feel they need to be noticed.

Not Welcome

It is now being argued that the Iran war won’t stop Brits from going abroad for a holiday this summer after all as it will be cheaper than a homecation.
    Why? For starters, because our Fantasist keeps VAT on bills at 20% rather giving the reductions available abroad, and there are tourist taxes in places here to discourage visitors.

It’s only our money

We were told that the government was demanding grants made to ineligible students on weekend university courses would have to be repaid, like, yesterday.
    Now, the tough bubble has burst. Okay, repaid in a decade or four is the current message.

Simple & obvious solution

Where Mr. Alias of the green grotters is going wrong is in neglecting his own massive talent.
    If he has a problem with people who don’t agree with him, he doesn’t need to wipe them out like a bog-standard tyrant to create his perfect society.
    The bloke who used to hypnotize women into thinking their boobs had grown just needs to hypnotize his undesirables and convert them into grotter desirables.

Mitigation

f Bier Smarmer has run out of people to blame, a lawyer can argue that this is not his fault. The blame lies squarely on the head of the office manager who failed to provide him with enuff scrapegoats.

Another bit of wishy-washiness

Phones are to be banned from schools – eventually. There has been a U-turn a year after the Prime Fantasist deciding a ban on them was unnecessary.
    More manoeuvring needs to go on, and it will be a ban only on the use of phones at school, not on taking one to school and using it when the teachers aren’t looking.

Going through the motions

Here’s more evidence [if it were needed] that Bier just reads to the stuff he’s given without taking in what it says – he had no problem with making St. George the patron saint of Britain rather than England in some St. George’s Day waffle.

On the cheap

Reformist N. Farage is going to get tough with illegals. Labour wants to give families forty grand to get lost. Nige will offer a million unwanteds just one grand and a plane ticket.
    This will save us £14 billion over a 5-year parliament by ending payments to scroungers.
● The asylum industry is up in arms over the job losses!

Choices, choices

What would be a good front-page story for a campaigning newspaper? That the green grotters might be thinking about a purge of their craziest policies to avoid the embarrassment of their being constantly revealed in the likes of the Daily Disaster?
    Or a story about a lady who’d going to commit suicide abroad because she’s had enough of her life?
    Whichever is chosen, it looks like the current Smarmer catastrophe is now over through becoming boring.
● Drug dens stay on the grotter agenda; Mr. Alias is for them.

Free cash for all

A new growth industry under Labour is claiming benefits for an inability to work due to food intolerance. A recent boost has brought the rate of growth to 500% over the past semi-decade.
    Claims for personal independence payments for writer’s cramp are also becoming increasingly popular.

Strategy

Maybe Serbia Smarmer should grow a beard. Then, no one can call him a bare-faced liar.

Big Beggar 2

We are now standing by for an ultimate ‘not me, Gov’ – Bier Smarmer telling us that all the B.S he trotted out about the Mandelsleaze ambassodorship was concocted by his advisors and he went along with it only ‘for the good of the country’.

Everyone loses

The good news for Labour is that it can’t lose more than 2,196 council seats in the coming local elections as that’s the total number exposed to public ire.
    The bad news for the country is that this would leave lotz of Labourites in place where there are no elections going on.

Big beggar

Bier Smarmer is heading for a place in the Guinness Book Of Records as the world’s biggest belief beggarer. The ‘not me, Gov’ stuff he has concocted goes way beyond the garbage issued by any of the Communist states, past and present.

Column dodgers

The bosses of the Polis of the Metrolopis are after recruiting someone to build up its brand with the usual hype and B.S. Clearly, gaining trust, recognition and reputation by stopping criminals in their tracks has been abandoned as much too much like hard work.

An alternative

President Thump: “Drill, baby, drill.”
Serbia Smarmer: “Drill? What’s that?”

Decisions, decisions

High politics or hype olitics? Probably the latter as it’s mainly hype and every catastrophe is always overtaken by some other distraction.

Bomb ‘n’ burn

Iranian agents with lotz of cash are having no trouble finding British thugs willing to bomb and batter and set fire to Jewish targets here. Counter-terrorism police report being run off their feet.

Big let-down

Millions of high street outlets for drugs – but only 2 (TWO!!) people arrested, according to last night’s BierBC late news.

Just a thought

Are there really people around who would be freaked out by seeing American actors with their face stained to look like locals in an episode of The Man Fron U.N.C.L.E. set in India?
    Maybe we can get Mr. Alias to hypnotize them and turn them into reasonable human beans.

Medical news

The Prime Fantasist has been diagnosed with Selective Deafness Syndrome and thus cannot be blamed for anything.

Pots & Kettles, come away!

It’s rather rich that Eddie Gravy, the Trivial leader and the Post Office minister who let Horizon Happen, is accusing Smarmer of a catastrophic misjudgement when he’s living proof that such things don’t matter in pollyticks.

Another Question

Q: If the Cabinet Office knew weeks ago about the Mandelsleaze Dodgy Vetting ishue, why didn’t Bier come clean about it?
A: Because he’s such a dithering duffer that he couldn’t come up with a script that lasted more than a few seconds and he couldn’t decide where to dump the blame as he felt entitled not to be blamed.

Tourism triumph

The Greek government is making a bid for summer tourists by opting out of the EFU’s stoopid border checks and their 4-hour queues at airports.
    Good for them!

Big nothing

In theory, a university can soon be fined half a million quid if it censors free speech on woke grounds – or even struck off.
    But if we have an Education Sec. who’s more interested in replacing Bier Smarmer than enforcing rules in place, the theory ends up becoming just another Labour ‘so what?’ and nothing of any benefit will happen.

They’re at it again

Some MPs are demanding that schools should abandon their uniform and let kids wear a tracksuit in classes in the name of inclusion. Presumably, to help the brats to feel more comfortable when they’re running away after bashing a teacher.

Putin the ‘guest’ into guestapo

Mr. Alias, leader of the green grotters, wants people who don’t agree with his gang’s anti-Semitism, its support for Islamist terrorists and other nutty views to be shut out of Society for daring to notice that grotter views can be really poisonous.

Bad times, getting worse

The doombuggers are lining up to offer increasinly gloomy opinions of how our economy will tank with a Fantasist like Thievin wrecking it.
    The doomy stuff includes accusations that the Whitehall mob are fiddling their numbers in an attempt to hide the true state of affairs.

Weird

Why would a school in Leicestershire ban wearing its own-brand jumpers when the winter term ends and put jumper-wearing kids into isolation in the current term?
    Is it some sort of twisted endorsement of the gorbal warmage scam and a pretence that anyone wearing a jumper in spring will bake and they’re doing the kids a favour? That certainly sounds daft enuff to be true.

Gotcha all ways!

How do you bash a green grotter? Point out her lack of judgement when she gave a character reference to a bloke who’s in gaol for 37 years for a nasty double murder.
    Then have a go at her for accepting that the Chinese plague was caused by a leak from the virus lab in Wuhan, not the B.S that the apologists want us to believe.
● The grotter scramble to line up 4,500 candidates for next month’s local council elections let some real nutters through the vetting sieve, including openly anti-Jewish and pro-Put’n ones.

An actual success story

The multi-billion pound Chinese Plague inquiry results have given President Boris a chance to pop up and crow. Labour has got us into a terrible mess but he and his gang were able to condense a 10-year process into one year and deliver a vaccine which saved lives.
    And it was all thanks to Brexit giving us freedom from EFU B.S, despite Oily’s attempts to sabotage our exit.

Time waster

What’s a good way to get a public park closed? Claim you’re an Islamic terror gang, put a picture of a bloke in a space suit and a drone on the internet and claim the drone took radioactive and cancer-causing stuff to the Israeli embassy.
    Worked on the Met, who closed Kensington Gardens for a while.

Already there

A BierBC investigation has found lotz of drugs on sale in high street mini-markets. Which kind of pulls the rug out from under the green grotter plans for pot parlours everywhere.
● Reasons to be cheerful, one, two, three: cannabis, laughing gas and cocaine are all freely available.

Carping but clueless

“The country needs a credible and strong PM,” the pound-its keep telling us from their perches in the meeja. But we all know that the Labour party doesn’t have anyone who fits the bill.
    So what’s the answer from the pound-its? Pound it out!
    Silence.

An answer to everything

When European NATO members failed to leap into his war after not being consulted, the US president Thumped them. When they offered a fleet to keep the Strait of Hormuz open; French warships and a British rowing boat; they were Thumped again.
    And nothing is happening Hormuz-wise ’coz the Strait is full of Iranian mines and only they know the safe channel.

Get it right

Does the latest Mandelsleaze scandal show that Smarmer has lost control of his government? Rubbish1 Ignoring the economy-wrecking antics of the likes of his Fantasist and Edstone Milipede, and all the U-turns, told us ages ago that Bier has never been in control.

Not convinced

If if’s hard to do, it’s worth doing, a Daily Disaster correspondent offered. Okay, how about the traditional impossibility of plaiting sawdust?

Today’s Question

Isn’t it time the Monster Raving Looney Party sued the green grotters for copyright theft? Or can it be argued that the GGs make the MRLs look quite sensible, really?

Wrong half

Why exactly should we be amazed that over half the population  believe in intelligent alien life?
    Which means that nearly half of us are weird enough to think that intelligent life in the whole universe exists only on The Earth; which is actually amazing.
    As in amazingly dumb.

Flop

The Israeli secret army, Mossad, is being lined up for the blame for the failure to achieve regime change in Iran. The bigwigs were taken out quickly but there was a failure to locate the lower levels of minions; the ones keeping the war going from 31 regional command centres. There was also a failure to locate all the places where missles and drones were stashed.

Don’t do it

Taking a homecation is being advised for British customers this summer. Unless they fancy paying huge prices for flights abroad; at the risk of sudden cancellation; thanks to soaring prices for depleted jet fuel stocks.
    And also if they fancy spending 4 hours in a queue being buggered about by the EFU’s new border rules, which are administered by inadequate numbers of staff, and the defective checking systems.

Low threshold

President Thump was claiming he had ended a 10th war after Israel agreed to have a 10-day cease-fire with the Hezbolikers in Lebanon. So if the shooting and mayhem starts again and there’s another short cease-fire, will that be the end of an 11th war, thanks to The Donald?

Daft lot

The political commentators managed to get outraged over memories of Bier Smarmer’s opening address containing a plege to cleanse and purify Britisch pollyticks.
    More fool them for believing anything from a Labour prime monster, has to be the response from sensible people.

Detected at last

It took the Fergie-spotters 7 months to track down the expired Duchess of York. Not much of a budget for the job?

Anything to be noticed

The green grotters felt obliged to take a pop at the BierBC for daring to expose lawyers and others who are arranging fake abuse claims and fake boyfriends for male asylum claimants.
    Worried about the invaders not being able to vote for them?

Masochism Tango?

“Blessed are the peace-makers but woe to those who manipulate religion,” said the American-born Pope. Was he taking a swipe at everyone who does it? Himself included?

Another World Cup Swindle

What can you get away with if the World Cup goes to the Untied States? Bumping up a $12.90 return train fare to $150 with no concessions for kids and oldies.
    Welcome to what’s in your wallet but not you!

Another gotcha?

There is a move afoot to get detailed analysis of a footballer’s performance banned due to similarity to the postential gains from doping.
    The crunch point is whether natural talent is being rejected in favour of diktats from the data-crunchers. The apparent success of this replacement job is being offered as evidence of violation of the spirit of the sport.
    But hey, is football sport any more with all that dosh sloshing around at the sharp end?

Changed times

A survey by a beer manufacturer reckons that Britisch workers don’t do lunch any more. They just speed through a 25-minute refuelling stop as they have a work ethic.
    Continentals, in contrast, spend at least an hour scoffing and socializing. Or anything up to 3 hours if they are Eurocrats.

Could work!

A really good way to put a crimp into the activities of the mobsters running Iran, a correspondent has suggested, would be to bomb the factories that make the flags which the human shields have to wave around during staged demos.

Industrial level treachery

President Thump is twitted for doing what he feels like doing, but how about Bier Smarmer? He has a negative mandate for all his Brexit Betrayals but he just goes ahead and does it. Like a typical Labour hippocrite.

Savage Shrinkage

Labour’s taxes are expected to raise the rate of restaurant closure from 2 per day in 2025 to 3 per day in 2026. So much for Thievin’s BS about building a stable economy.

Pipe dream

Reform UK is threatening to gaol lawyers who help invaders to pretend they’re o’sexualists in need of asylum by providing ‘partners’ for them. But politicians having a go at lawyers? Right.
    A better idea of theirs is to abolish legal aid for invaders who have made no contribution to this country’s finances.

Today’s Wisdom

It it’s TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out) in the Untied States, then here it’s SHUT (Smarmer Has U-Turns).

Bump, Crunch, Stuck

The Gods do sometimes get it right. The Transport Sec., who’s supposed to be in charge of roads, had to have her car towed away after it was bashed to a standstill by a pothole in Oxfordshire.
    Maybe that will encourage her to put some real muscle into a plan to deprive councils of one-third of their funding if they persist in ignoring potholed roads.

Scrutiny? Schmutiny!

What’s a good way for the Squeaker of the Commons to rub Uncle Bier up the wrong way? Interrupting Bier in full bluster flot to remind him that it’s Prime Minister’s Questions and he’s supposed to answer questions, not ask them as a distraction from his failings.

Under review = ignore the law

97% of NHS trusts are treating the Supreme Court ruling on the Equalities Act as irrelevant a year on. Same with the rest of the public sector to one degree or another.
    Ministers are treating keeping men out of female spaces as optional, not mandatory, to try to buy votes.

Empty threat

The Yanks are threatening to ditch Bier’s trade deal, which is a year old now but still up in the air. So it’s worth what? Not much?

One way to be noticed

The Scottish confectionary firm Tunnock’s has enjoyed a burst of world-wide publicity from the return to Earth of NASA’s latest space tourists.
    As for the parachutes used to lower the crew of Apollo 16 safely onto the Pacific, those used by the Artemis II mission looked just like the Scottish firm’s iconic Tea Cakes in their foil wrappers.
    Customers in countries where Scottish exiles have flown are now wondering if Tunnock’s had a sponsorship deal with NASA to get that particular design onto the parachutes.

Cursing guide

Academics at Sheffield U. have decided it would be a good idea to create a swear map of Britain so that people know which bad language to use in order to be understood in any given town or region. Why eye, ya bugga!

Part of history

Persia had a civilization 2,000 years before America, some wise guy pointed out. Okay, Persia is where on a map these days?

Poisoned ambition

Inequalities Minister Phillipson is getting an extra severe booting because she sees pandering to transpicaters and their mates as an essential part of her road to No. 10 when Bier is binned.

Today’s other questions

1. Was Oily Robbins sacked for claiming that giving the Mandelsleaze a £75K leaving bonus was good value for money or as delayed revenge for his failures in his Brexit negotions with the EFU?
2. The current Foreign Secretary, Pixie Balls, was involved in the vetting scandal. Does she have to go right away or only when Bier goes?
3. Just how relevant is a picture of Petey in his underpants to this sorry saga?

Putin the ‘F’ into EFU

The EFU’s new border rules are doing a wonderful job of leaving people stuck in an endless airport queue whilst their flight home zooms off without them. No one surprised.

What I said, not!

The Pope is having to try to distance himself from a conflict with President Thump after making a speech that included having a go at tyrants. He is doing a ‘not me, Gov’ and blaming other people for interpreting his message wrongly.

Today’s Question

Q: The Mandelsleaze was granted DV status – what do those initials stand for?
A: Dodgy Vetting.

How to be woke

1. Remove something upsetting to the wokists from a community website.
2. Claim it’s not censorship.

Squashed hands from being sat on?

Wot Xactly is the point of an Equalities Minister who is refusing to publish rules based on a year-old High Court ruling that keeps men out of women’s spaces? B. Phillipson is being accused of being feart of what her party’s pro-tranny back benchers will do to her and too busy trying to replace Bier with herself.

Thumped

Our Fantasist of the Exchequer has built on her credentials for being completely unconnected to reality by giving President Thump a verbal booting during a jolly to the Untied States almost within hollering distance of the White House.
    His war with Iran is a mistake and folly and it’s made Thievin angry. Pretty much what her constant blunders in office do to her victims here.

All the same

It seems the Scottish government is just as crooked as Bier and his gang. The Sunday Post yesterday was waxing indignant about being lied to by the SNP Justice Secretary, A. Constance, and her department over a failed cover-up of the aftermath of a rape and killing by a bloke who should never have been out of gaol.
● She also has history for blocking a grooming gangs inquiry.

Nope

Will the parents of the Southport child killer go to gaol for failing to do anything about a demented child with a collection of lethal weapons? As this would appear reasonable, it won’t happen under the current cover-up and ignore culture.

Unsocial rather than social?

Durham U. is being accused of anti-white rachelism by offering places to Asian-origin students with lower grades than those expected of white applicants.
    Oxford U. has shown similar anti-white bias. Amazing what you can get away with if you call it social engineering.

Downside

In an interesting backlash to the fat-jab culture – women who have slimmed are warning that every man they meet makes a pass at them and they are ending up miserable after being fat, ignored and happy.

Putin the ‘con’ into contribution

If you take your family to visit the Tower of London and one or both of the parents is on benefits, there is a 96% discount on the admission fee. And fish & chips is half price.
    No wonder no one is working, and so much for Thievin’s claim to believe in a Britain founded contribution.

Energy (and dosh) crisis

The national electricity grid operators are having to offer people free electricity on sunny and windy summer days to prevent a solar and wind power excess situation.
    The grid has to pay both types of supplier a huge bonus when demand is lower than what is on offer and there is no means of tailoring supply to demand, as with proper power stations.

Interesting fact

A pensioner who buys their own supplies and cooks their own meals can create a week’s dinners for the cost of just two snack meals at Ebbw Vale prices.
    This came from a correspondent who evidently lives in the real world.

He hates us, too

What’s the latest from the green grotters and their leader, Mr. Alias? The bloke who wants brothels and lotz of pot parlours on every high street.
    Another four and a half million migrant scroungers from the Fourth World lounging around at our expense during the next government’s span.

Always the same

Labour stooge Harridan Harperson is making herself even more unpopular by proposing taking cash from pensioners to increase the Defence budget instead of cuts for Labour’s benefits clients.

Spot on

Beir Smarmer says it’s incredible that no one told him that the Madelsleaze had failed his security vetting. And for once, he’s dead right. So incredible, in fact, that no bugger believes it.
● Bier’s alternatives now are that 1. He’s lying and 2. He’s so pointless that no one at the F.O. bothers to tell him anything as it’s a total waste of their time.

We should be told

Our Health Sec., Wee Streeting, is going to end subjecting NHS customers to unsafe corridor treatment when the wards are full to overflowing.
    So, what instead? Car park care?

Win and you emigrate?

Mugs in Britain will be given a chance to enter a national lottery ‘game’ based on one in the US, which will offer a possible jackpot of a billion quid! Maybe.
    No mention of how many trillions to one the odds are against winning are is on offer.
    And there can’t be much chance of a winner staying here to be robbed by the Fantasist of the Exchequer.

Sounds right

Who’s the right bloke to oust the Put’n the Poisoner ally who’s been PM of Hungary for . . . ever? How about Peter Magyar, whose surname is what the language spoken in Hungary is called.

We’re doomed

No surprise that the International Moneybags Fund has concluded that the UK will take the biggest Iran war hit of the G7 nations. With a Labour government and a tombstone like Red Edstone in charge of not exploiting the North Sea treasures, it’s inevitable.
● Labour promises lie in tatters or Labour promises tattered lies? Who can tell which it is.

Biggest of the big

The Welsh town of Ebbw Vale is the home of Britain’s biggest collection of fatties, the experts have found. 78% of the residents are overweight and 37% are o’bese with a BMI of 30 or more, and you can smell the kebab and burger shops before you can see the town.

History rewrite

A museum in County Durham is being mocked for claiming that picture of young boys wearing a dress in Victorian times proves that they were transpicaters.
    Cobblers, say the real experts. That was just the fashion of the day – a sort of one type fits all rather than one size.

Human sacrifice

Oily Robbins, the Foreign Office permanent under-secretary, is the latest minion to carry the can for one of Bier Smarmer’s disasters – the Mandelsleaze vetting failure.
    Is it damaging to Bier, having to boot Oily into touch?
    No, if he’s established a comprehensive reputation for being UseLEZ to the nth degree, nothing that he does now can possibly do any damage to his ‘legacy’ and his place in history.

Fair, it ain’t

The government is trying to hide illegal immigrants by evicting them from hotels and dumping them in houses in small rural communities.
    People who have been on a council waiting list for years are losing out big time to the scroungers.

History does a repeat

Page 493 of Rogue Shooter: “The spin doctors are trying to say it was all an oversight by some underling.”
    Which is exactly what our Prime Fantasist is trying to tell us.
    Back to Rogue Shooter: “But no one is buying that.”
    Just as no one is buying it now.

That’s him gone

The doombuggers are now writing President Thump off as his 10-minute war with Iran drags on and on. He doesn’t have a means to end it and he’s upsetting motorists and farmers in the US, who are being clobbered with fuel and fertilizer prices.

Price reversal

Esso petrol 159.9p/litre, diesel 195.9p/litre. Okay, it’s only the 59 and the the 95 bits of the prices that are reversed, but they are the really important ones. And remember, one-half of the petrol price and 45% of the diesel price is tax thanks to a thieving Labour government, not a foreign war.

More shrinkage?

The Thievin Reeves plan to vanish the economy will get a big boost if the heavy machinery firm JCB relocates to the US to avoid what would be an effective 40% rate of death duties, which she’s threatening the family-owned firm with.

To panic or not

One set of experts is going on about 100 hospital admissions last year due to bites from noble (?) false widow spiders. Another lot are telling us if we don’t mess with spiders, we’ll be okay.

Credibility gap

Prime Fantasist Beir Smarmer guaranteed that there would be a Defence plan in August. Only that was August 2025. What do we conclude from the on-going lack of a plan? That Bier couldn’t be arsed to come up with one?

Worth a try

Having seen the success their counterparts in the Irish Republic have had with their fuel blockades, farmers here are making noises about doing the same to get a reduction in the fuel taxes creamed off by the Fantasist of the Exchequer.

Shock-horror

This government is handing more cash to its benefits customers than is raised in income tax!

Diversionary tactic

People who work will take a net drop of income of £780 and Labour’s Benefits Bunch will gain £1,400. Smarmer is trying to blame this on the Iraq war.
    But then, he would, wouldn’t he? Not me, Gov!!!

The Ultimate ZONK

An A.I company in the US has built a system which has proved that every major operating system on the internet is full of holes. The A.I has been ruled too dangerous to release to the public as it can get into any system anywhere and cause havoc with or without permission.

Fake crisis

It’s a Labour sell-out to the EFU? Not giving MPs a say on Smarmer’s Brexit betrayals? Given the size of his majority, talking in Parliament is a waste of time and our money.
    His sell-outs will always go ahead regardless.

Bier’s joke I.D

The Smarmer digital I.D scam is getting a booting for being ridiculous as well as a waste of our money. It will be optional and mainly used as proof of a right to work initially. So not needed by Labour’s benefits customers.
    And it won’t include information on the sex of the holder to avoid upsetting the transpicater community.

Frozen in time

The Legend TV channel doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to change its scripts. It should be “the late Chuck Norris as Walker, Texas Range next” if he’s just died at the age of 86. But it ain’t.

Notice me, pleeeze!

Mr. Alias, the figurehead of the green grotters, is so desperate to be noticed that he felt he had to launch a demand for a ban on horse racing on Grand National Day.
    No mention of how he’d fill the £4 BILLION hole in the UK economy, though.
    Or what would happen to all the redundant animals and people. As empty-headed as Uncle Bier?

As incredible as it can get

Only someone as out of touch with reality as Bier Smarmer would expect anyone to believe his claim that no one told him the Mandelsleaze failed his pre-appointment security test before he was made our ambassodor to the Untied States.
    The lawyer didn’t look at the small print? Really?
    Cue a chorus of: “Lying bastard!” clap-clap, clap, clap clap.

Putin the ‘con’ in Conundrum

If the government makes strikes by juvenile doctors illegal, what will it achieve? There aren’t enuff prisons to lock up all the trouble-makers when they go on strike and defy the law.

The official explanation

Are all Dubai’s tourist spots deserted because of the threat of missles from Iran? Nope. It’s because all the hotels are closed for renovation.

Not bovvered

One in the eye for President Thump. Chinese tanker ships were strolling through his Hormuz blockade in both directions and being ignored right after it was declared.

Cold rather than hot air

What’s the Department for Energy Security & Edstone Crap doing to tackle the costa living crisis and the price of energy?
    “We’re supporting de-escalation in the Middle East,” a spokes declared.
    “How?”
    No answer.

No cards? We’re off!

What’s a good way to upset the Iranians? Tell them you hold all the cards. Made them run out of the weekend ‘peace’ talks in Pakistan rather than walk.

How very dare you!

What’s a good way to stir up wokists in a small backwater village? Putting a poem mocking their obsessions in a parish magazine worked a treat on the wokists of a village on the Devon-Dorset border.

One they missed

Given the number of records claimed for the latest NASA space tourists, it comes as rather a surprised that the temperature reached by the ablative heat shield during the ‘daring’ re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere wasn’t claimed as another new world record.

Deja Vu

I’m getting to the end of Rogue Shooter’s 500 pages and as it was 20-odd years ago, so it remains today. No one had any confidence in New Labour after about 7 years of waste and chicanery and Smarmer’s Army is in the same state after just 21 months.
    Typical is the former Labour minister, who did the defence review which has been on Smarmer’s desk since last August, giving him a vote of total no-confidence following noises from Bier about its publication being delayed by at least a year.
    No one surprised.

Fair competition at last

The Darts Regulation Authority has declared that only biological females can compete in tournaments from now on. About time.

File under ‘I’ for Incompetence

To the surprise of the rest of us, the government has ordered universities which ran weekend courses for people with weak academic qualifications to pay back loans and grants made to students who should never have received them.
    22,000 ‘students’ got the bills but the government wants the universities to pay them.

Dead giveaway

Pretending that international law can be made in pretend courts set up by Britain’s enemies and packed only with those enemies is something that only our domestic enemies like Uncle Bier and Lord Squirmer would do.

Par for the course

Iran claims RAF bases have been used to launch attacks aimed specifically at Iranian civilians. Bier Smarmer denies it. No one believes either of them!

Cut backs

20% of people here are cutting back on energy use as costs soar, 10% have abandoned holiday plans as the fall-out from the Iran war spreads and 8% are filling a Thatcher cupboard with food and other essentials.
● One cheerful Labour MP doesn’t expect prices to return to ‘normal’ until 2028 at the earliest.

Swamped

President MacRon of France is hoping for a bumper clear-out of his migrant dustbin during the summer. And there’s no way he’s going to let our Border Farce into his territorial waters to try to turn the small boats back.

The wrecker strikes again

Edstone Milipede got a good booting for overpricing energy with his Nett Zero scam and making an A.I Company bin a plan for a massive data centre here.
    Loss to the nation due to Red Ed – BILLIONs. So much for the Prime Fantasist’s fantasy of making the UK an A.I super power.

One of a kind

Superman is 88 years old this week. Looks very good for his age and not many pensioners can leap a tall building at a single bound.

Weird lot

If you go to the Irish Republic, don’t expect to drive anywhere. Gangs of protesters are blockading fuel depots and over 40% of filling stations have run out.
    The mob is going for 100%.

Arc de Thump

President Thump has outraged the Democraps in the USA with a plan to build a massive triumphal victory arch – one which will make the Arc de Triomphe in Paris look like part of a doll’s house.
    It’s a taxpayer-funded vanity project which will obstruct views of other memorials, the Democraps are yelling.

Today’s Wisdom

Working as a doctor, once a vocation, is now called having a vacation.

One to avoid

Fall-out from Waitrose sacking a bloke who had a go at an Easter egg thief – don’t shop there as the stuff is overpriced to pay for the thievery they ignore.

Bin a tradition

Cod & chips on a chippie menu is heading for extinction. Over-fishing by EFU nations is getting the blame for wiping out once plentiful stocks. Something Chinese imported as a substitute?

Mr. Not Here not here again

Bier Smarmer is getting lotz of mockery for going on a jolly to Saudi Arabia even though the UK is not involved in the Middle East mayhem. Any excuse to posture and collect some duty-free, eh, Bier?

No win available

The pothole crisis is being worsened by a process of feed-back, the experts have decided. People are buying SUVs to cope with rubbish road surfaces, especially in wet weather when no one can tell how deep a puddle is, and these heavier vehicles are creating increased damage and persuading people to buy an SUV to be able to have a hope of completing a journey!

Someone with a bit of sense?

The US Vice-Pres., Jady Vance, is having his hopes to succeed Pres. Thump polished by persistent rumours that he kept telling The Donald that a Middle East war was a terrible idea before the event.
● PM Ne10yahoo is getting the blame for winding up Thump and getting him to join in with Israel’s war.

Holey Hell

The Iraq war has given councils an alibi for neglecting potholes in their roads. Asphalt is up 20% in price and it is made from oil. Councils are hoping that the customers won’t notice their above-inflation grabs of Council Tax and the constant waste of cash and neglect of vital repairs. Fat chance!

No consequences

The result of the Southport inquiry into the murders of three small children by a demented teen is that there were multiple failures by multiple agencies to which he was referred. Will there be multiple sackings of those who let the kids down? Joke.

Skivers’ Charter

The staff of the Office for Notional Sadistics will be allowed to shirtk @ home full-time to avoid a strike. The nation can expect even more embarrassingly dodgy figures from it than at present.

More abuse

Would-be tax-dodger Angular Robot’s legacy includes a pretend Fair Work Agency, a quango which will have the right to batter its way into a business unannounced, grab anything it takes a fancy to and arrest anyone it takes a dislike to.
    More red tape, more damage to the economy and yet more evidence of Labour’s hatred of the wealth-creating private sector.

Goes around

We could be self-sufficient in oil and gas and electricity if not for the stupidity of Edstone Milipede, Thievin, and Bier Smarmer, and Labour’s in-built hatred of everything British.
    Something to remember in May as prices go up and the UK remains reliant on imports of gas rather than tapping the abundance around us.

Blame shedding

The UN is copping for its share of responsibility for the Israeli blitz on Lebanon. A UN mission to the area was supposed to prevent the Hezbolikers from getting weapons and massing on the border with Lebanon.
    It failed.
    The Lebanese government is now hoping that Israel with rid it of the plague of bad guys.

Time for some rehab

The sheer awfulness of Bier Smarmer when he fluffs his ‘I’m a statesman’ act has prompted a re-examination of the record of Neville Chamberlain following multiple comparisons.
    No surprise that Chamberlain has been found to be a real achiever when compared to Smarmer. He gave Britain radar and the Spitfire fighter, his champions are now pointing out, and at the time of the Munich ‘deal’ in 1938, Britain was in no shape to stand up to rampant Germany thanks to years of neglect by Labour, and the country did not want war then, no way!

File under ‘D’ for Dodgy

What we should be asking is what the EFU is trying to draw our attention away from with its confected row over what marmalade can be called.

Under Care

Our Prime Fantasist loves to go on TV and tell us that the UK is well placed to ride out the Iran war, we have large stocks of fuel and energy and the economy is booming.
    And it’s only the two big blokes in white coats from the looney bin standing within easy grabbing range that tell the real story.

Thumped!

Iran blocks the Strait @ Hormuz. What does President Thump do in response? Puts his navy in place to make sure the strait is blocked. Get out of that!

Skivers beware

The Conservatives have decided that letting council staff work 4 days for 5 days’ pay is a Bad Idea. And next time they’re in government, it will be banned so that there is no more full rates demanded for part-time service.
    Predictably, the Trivials and the green grotters are all in favour of lotz more of it.

Human shields work?

What do you do when a ranting enemy threatens to bomb your bridges and power plants? Round up gangs of women and kids, give them flags, post them on and around the targets and tell the enemy: “Go right ahead, Mr. TACO!”
    Worked for the Iranians.

Wallet Hit

The Home Sec. has done a (c)rapper out of $15 million by refusing to issue a visa to let him do his anti-Semitic act here in July at a long-running festival.
    The decision to go for the (c)rapper cost the festival major sponsors and it has been cancelled as a result.

Eyes on them

Boffins reckon that they can predict where knife crime hot-spots are and the times of maximum danger. This will allow live facial recognition cameras to be active at the right places and the right times, and produce a cut in knife crime.
    Unless the perps are masked. And the people opposed to the system get such surveillance ruled unlawful.

You lie!

Our wonderful government attempted to blame the stagnant economy on the war in the Middle East. This has been dismissed by experts as BS from an economically naive, ignorant and stupid regime.
    And the Fantasist’s new costs and red tape applied from this month will only make things worse.

Devalued degrees?

How does a thrusting university, an alleged place of learning and excellence, become more inclusive? Kings Collidge London has decided that ignoring bad grammar and spelling is the way forward. Along with shorter essays to prevent customers from being overburdened. [Or their preferred A.I?]
● The management is going for this (and the money), not the academics.

Yeah, right!

Labour made a big thing out of banning foi gras on animal cruelty grounds if it got elected.
    Surprise! Bier is doing a U-turn on this as part of his reset with the EFU.

Putin the ‘con’ into contribute

Smarmer’s Army is promising to cut down on the consultation culture. But they’re still expecting the private sector to wade through 358 pages of bumph and answer 173 questions to contribute to just 7 of 25 consultations on Shirkers’ Rights.

Not an option

Cynics are asking why the latest quartet of space tourists didn’t keep on going when they were heading back toward the Earth, given the state of things on The Planet.
    A desire to have access to plumbing that works and doesn’t deafen the user could have been behind the decision to land.

File under ‘U’ for Unhealthy

NHS staff took a world record 28,000,000 sick days off last year. This is three times more than the average rate for any other part of the public sector.

File under ‘B’ for Boneheaded

What do the Kent police do when travellers start wrecking part of the rural environment?
    Arrest for obstruction one of the local people who was in the crowd objecting to the vandalism.

Just a blip

Wednesday of this week saw the highest April temperature for 80 years recorded in Kew Gardens (in a greenhouse?). Everywhere to the north and west of London was cold and some places had rain. And to put things in perspective, 80 years ago was 1946; long before gorbal warmage was invented. And this record high will be followed by a cold spell.

Money for nothing

The French government has trousered the £16 million shovelled across the Channel by our gullible Home Sec. and the French police are continuing to stand with their hands in their pockets on the beaches and watch and do FK-all as illegals scramble onto small boats.
    You could also file this one under ‘S’ for Suckers. Or even ‘E’ for Effin Useless Labour Clowns.

Nice one, Nige!

One in the eye for the grabbers! A Reform government would not issue visas to any country demanding slavery reparations!

Max pain

The doctors’ strike was timed to cause havoc, the boss of NHS England reckons. Juveniles, they may be, but they’re obviously not short of low cunning.

Hand in pocket

That Labour ‘overhaul’ of local government has seen rural areas classed as wealthy (whether they are or aren’t) and in need of higher taxes and smaller grants so that cash can be diverted to buy votes in cities with their migrant colonies.
    Everything from parking and pest control to weddings will cost more in the rural cashpots.

Strange choice

One of my correspondents was surprised to find that he has to cast his vote in his May local election in the car park of his local cricket club! With the attendant danger of rain stopping voting?

Sure cure

Tear gas has been offered as a solution to the black-clad mobs of thieving teens in London. Flamethrowers would be much more effective when it comes to driving a ‘don’t bloody do it’ message home to people who think society’s rules don’t apply to them.

Thumped!

Our Prime Fantasist has been booting into abandoning the totally stoopid Chagos betrayal and the waste of £100 million per year of our money for 99 years. A veto from the Untied States has forced another of Bier’s U-eys. Will he do another?

Wrong!

When he took over the job of PM, Labour leader Sunny Jim Callaghan went on TV to tell the customers that the country was living on borrowed money and this cannot go on indefinitely.
    Except when Labour is in office, he omitted to mention some 50 years ago.

Not just bodyweight shed!

Fat jabs are good for business in the divorce courts. Those who lose weight rapidly are twice as likely to shed a spouse as members of the general population, a Swedish study has found.

Not progress

I was less than impressed by the picture of the far side of the Moon from NASA’s latest space venture. Why? Because I have a large poster issued by National Geographic magazine showing the near side and the far side of the Moon side by side in great detail. The poster is dated 1969.

More lies

The government wants us to believe that energy bills have gone down by £117/year this month. But they can’t stop those who keep and eye on such things from from reporting that this just ain’t true.
    All Smarmer & Co. have done is shift some Nett Zero BS to general taxation so that while its benefit partners are paying less, everyone else is paying more.
    And that more is due to shoot up as a reaction to the Iran war.

Cute alibi

People buying second-hand goods aren’t just being mean and/or saving money, they’re also doing it to save The Planet. So there!

More instructions

If you want to make people think you’re charming, the experts have concluded, then the best way to do it is to do something daft then let everyone see you laughing at yourself.

Another racket

A survey by the AA has found that 5.2% of motorists have a blue disability badge and 20% of the people displaying one are doing so fraudulently. The Home Office has stopped making a guess at what this fraud costs the taxpayer but it was put at £40 million/year some 15 years ago.

Bin the blowhard

Edstone Milipede is starting to get Labour’s precariously seated back benchers worried. They see his Nett Zero lunacy as a threat to their jobs now and they have realized that sorting out Ed will give them some temporary popularity.

A really rough life

It’s no fun being a murdering Iranian thug if you have to be out of bed and on the job at dawn (06.30 ish) to start hanging tortured teenage dissenters.

Just a thought

Seen in a paper being recycled: Epstein flew girls to his London flat right up to the day he died. [or was done in]
    Reaction: Well, he’d have had a job doing it after he was dead.

Prediction

The Chancer of the Exchequer is being urged to tax online companies to reduce the rates demands made to those with high street stores. But we all know what will happen.
    Thievin will make a big song and dance about levelling the playing field, stuff bought online will cost more and even more cash will go to Labour’s voters on benefits. And Nett Zero rates relief going to ripped off high streets.

Top Secret

The Home Sec. is being mocked for refusing to admit how many illegal immigrants have decided to take £40,000 of our dosh as an incentive to be exported.
    The reason is suspected to be a bid to cover up how many turned down the offer, knowing they will cop for incredibly more cash by staying here and sponging off the taxpayer for years.

Talent lag

What’s the latest from the doombuggers? Reform UK will get a hammering in the May local elections.
    Lack of talent among the people selected then rejected as candidates when they opened their mouth is getting the blame. That and all the ex-Tories hoovered up by Nigel & Co.

Dead slow then stop

What do the green grotters want now? A reduction in speed limits to 55 mph on the way to 20 mph tops everywhere. And everyone with a car has to pay to park at their home, even if it’s on a driveway that’s part of their property.
    Well, that will definitely save the enviromint.

And another thing

The Sadgeek also needs 24-hour armed police protection in the world’s safest city. But just to confuse the picture a bit, even if his bodyguards leave a bag of assorted weapons lying around near Mr. K’han’t’s gaff, some member of the public can be relied on to take it home have a good look at the guns then tell the cops about them.

An easy choice

Bier Smarmer and Thievin Reeves claim that petrol companies are profiteering shamelessly from fuel prices, but they won’t admit that all the extra VAT that’s going to pay their benefits bill ain’t helping. Today: 161.9p and 194.9p per litre.
    However, Labour’s costa living tsar, Lord Walker, sez he’s not seen any evidence of this ’ere profiteering. Whom do we believe?

More fakery

The blame for the flash mobs in black, which are causing havoc in London, is landing where it belongs. The Sadgeek of a mayor and crime commish is too busy claiming that London is the safest city in the world to know what’s happening.
    That’s the Mr. K’han’t who has to be driven around in a £400,000 armour-plated limo with a huge police escort every time he goes anywhere.

Another killer

What have them there doombuggers come up with to cheer us up? President Thump pressing the kill-switch on Mastercard and Visa bank cards to bring an economy that’s moving away from cash-on-the-nail crashing down.

More fakery

Director Stanley Kubrick was one of the people in the film industry whom the nutters accused of helping NASA to fake the Moon landings in the 20th century.
    Who’s getting the credit for faking the current near to the Moon mission? Anyone we’ve heard of?

Clarification needed

In the light of some sloppy pronunciation, we need to be told if it’s ‘oil’ prices that are rising or ‘all’ prices that are shooting up.

Nett Zero optimism

The Fantasist of the Exchequer’s war on retailers; as well as everyone else; is pushing a lot of them to breaking point. Huge rates and tax rises with nothing on offer in return, and an 8% drop in retail sales are furthering Labour’s plan to crush the UK’s economy.

Buck-passer

President Thump has an interesting strategy for foreign wars. First, he gets his forces to do a bit of bombing and blasting. Then he turns on his ‘allies’, who weren’t consulted before the off, and tells them to get the job finished/
    ’Coz he can’t?

Equality binned

The people hoping to make a profit out of making Angrier Robot Labour’s leader are trying to goose the taxman. Investigating her attempted stamp duty dodge on her seaside holiday home would normally take two to three years.
    The Robot fans want the not guilty verdict to be delivered in just a couple of days.

Change for the better?

The stroppiness of juvenile doctors is forcing the boss of NHS England to rethink staffing arrangements. The idea is to give jobs done by juveniles to ‘other clinicians’ to maintain continuity of service as far as possible.
● Angular Rayner is not helping with her workers’ rights Bill, which will extend a strike mandate from 6 months to a year.

Not a happy holiday

The Daily Disaster sure lived up to its name as the Easter weekend approached. A bent undertaker’s victims were hyped up to thousands, we were invited to associate shame with a picture of a golfer doing a big yawn, and tremble in our boots at what Storm Dave would do. Etc.
    Esso petrol today 159.9p/ litre, diesel 192.9p/litre. Groan.

No joke

FIFA is getting a severe booting for being involved in the sale of World Cup of the Americas at 160 times their face value. This has led to demands that the organization reflects its true status via a name change to FIRA – Federation International de Ripoff Artists. Add on the inflated travel and hotel costs for fans and doing this world cup is only for the daft or debt-reckless.

Edstonia

Is Edstone Milipede likely to feel bovvered and isolated if the SNP has shifted to favouring North Sea drilling for oil and gas to boost Scotland’s economy and energy security? Nope. The ratbag lives in his own tiny world and ours never intrudes into it.

All out

When the juvenile docs went on strike, so did the staff of their trade union, the BMA. The docs are out for 6 days. The union staff are doing just yesterday and today.
● This strike isn’t expected to kill any customers.

Anything new?

Are NASA’s quartet of space tourists likely to make any worthwhile discoveries when they photograph bitz of the Moon? There have been mapping satellites put into orbit around it and landers have crawled about on it; all getting pix at much closer range than these fly-byers.

Fighting dirty?

Scottish Labour leader Anass Aahwaah seems to be trying to play the race card against Reform and the SNP by accusing them of rachelism. Only a politician would think he could get away with this.

Bonfire of the deadlegs

Political parties in Scotland are getting a booting as the May Holyrood elections approach. Candidates who sailed through the vetting processes have been binned later for fraud, failing to deal properly with a sex offender, doubting the Britischness of the SNP’s Humbug Useless, and other reasons which have not been revealed.

Nasty surprise

What’s the downside of buying cheap electric buses from China instead of going to a British firm? The Chinese remain in control of the computer systems and they can click a kill switch to sabotage them. That’s the evidence from a public transport operator in Norway.

Off Switch

A.I is getting the blame for killing off the thirst for knowledge in children. Instead of needing to know things, they can just ask a chatbot what they should pretend to think.

Mild delusion

The Daily Disaster seems to be trying to convince us that the Can’t Prosecute Service is going to wallop Prince Andrew. But the rest of us see just the police and the CPS doing the usual shadow boxing and nothing of substance going on.

Leadership redefined

Our Prime Fantasist is prepared to take a ‘sort of leadership role’ when it comes to world affairs. That’s the Biery Smarmer sitting in a bunker hundreds of miles from the action, in a state of bollard-like passivity (citing President Boris), and not making any decisions because he’s terminally crap at it.

Curious

How strange that the pharmaceutical industry ‘doesn’t want to scare people about dying’, but it’s spreading vast amounts of doom & gloom about stocks of medicines running out in weeks.

6 off days

In case anyone hasn’t noticed, juvenile doctors have extended their Easter holiday by a week to next Monday.
    Nobody is willing to offer a guess at how many customers will be killed by this latest flounce by the juveniles. Racking the cost of this up to £3 billion (or whatever) is the main obsession.

More private than major

Was the shooting down of one American fighter a ‘major propaganda boost’ for Iran? It used to be truth that was the first casualty of war.
    In these modern times, it seems to be a sense of proportion that’s gone missing right at the start of a war.

Gross Grab

Juvenile doctors are offering the Israel/US war with Iran as their reason for the latest strike.
    The inflation resulting from the war means that they need 26% more, not the 7.1% on offer.

Self-interest

Reform UK has decided that it needs pensioner votes. Thus, after much argy-bargy, it has decided to retain the Tory Triple Lock on pensions (just as some Tories are going floppy on it), which Labour wants to bin to pay bigger bribes to its many benefits customers.

No rush

The coppers and public sector officials who ignored and covered up grooming gangs will be exposed by an inquiry, which will cost £65 million. And report . . . in a decade or two?
    More like a flickering candle than the Home Sec.’s ‘laser focus’.

All in

Senile doctors are threatening to join their juvenile colleages on strike. The BMA is giving them a vote over a pay offer of 8.5%. They want 38%.

Today’s other questions

1. Is it possible for President Thump to lose control of the Iran war if he never ever had it?
2. How many people will believe it when he claims victory; that’s as opposed to how many will go along with the claim out of sheer self-interest?

Orf with his head

What did the BierBC know about the Radio 2 presenter who was sacked? The newspapers say he was questioned by the police in 2018 and the CPS decided not to get involved in 2019. But guilty anyway, according to BierBC Think and the BierBC’s own guilt over its sordid past?

Credibility shot

70% (Labour) to 80% (Conservative) of voters surveyed think the McSweety mugging that deprived the ghouls of his phone and the Mandelsleaze messages on it was faked. Such is the degree of trust in what Smarmer’s Army tells us.

Today’s Question

If our government doesn’t have a clue, is it reasonable to be surprised that it doesn’t have a plan to tackle the crisis created by Israel and the Untied States?

Not possible, mate

President Thump demonstrated that he has no idea what’s happening here when he told our Prime Fantasist to ‘go get your own oil’. He clearly doesn’t know that we have buckets of it under our territorial waters but this daft Labour government won’t let us get to it.

Not a holiday cruise

Can you trust NASA to get anything right? Blow $35 million on a toilet for one of its capsules and it develops a fault right away in Earth orbit.
    It was fixable, fortunately. But there seems to be no fix for the racket it makes and all visitors to it need ear-plugs.

Strange silence

Italy has experienced summer temperatures of 45 deg.C and they are killing its citizens. Deserts in North Africa are getting the blame. So why isn’t the Italian government trying to sue the pants off the nations over there for compenbluddysation?
    Or are they all having a siesta in a temperature-controlled office?

Same only different

What’s the answer to the anti-woman ‘manosphere’? The female influenzers have come up with a ‘nomanhere’ with the rules rewritten in terms of the other sex and just as toxic, given their sociopathic manipulation agenda.

On the lam

What’s a good way to avoid going to gaol? Run out of the court building right after the judge has told you that’s where you’re heading. Worked for a Hackney drug dealer
    A spokes for the police said they are working at Pace. Helping the government to dig for gold teeth in the cemetery?

Benefit binge

The Department of Shirk & Pay-Offs has managed to get the number of kids with an imaginary mental ’elf disability up to 12% over the last decade. 25% by 2035?

Even more not us, Gov

Bier Smarmer is attempting to shed the blame for his government-created energy crisis onto executives of the banking and oil industries. So no danger of the sack for Edstone Milipede and shedding green garbage and EFU red tape.
    And like Bier is going to unblock the Strait of Hormuz and the one next to the bad guys in Yemen that leads to the Suez Canal.

Today’s Question

Will the cost of Labour’s red tape and energy prices, estimated at an extra £3 per week on the average household’s grocery bill, have any impact on o’besity?

Definitive doombuggers

A Scottish consumer charity is warning of a ‘polycrisis’ as the price of fuel, power, food and everything else soars.
    Where with it end? With everyone claiming to be a mental elf and demanding benefits, no one working and everything in a state of lawless collapse? Or not.

Lots to panic about

The front page of the Sunday Post was yelling Panic Stations. Is that because Scotland was blasted by 90 mph gales courtesy of Storm Dave? Nope, motorists are filling their tank before fuel shoots even higher in price and stocks are running out.
● Esso petrol 157.9p/litre, diesel 191.9p/litre for Easter thanks to Scam Edstone.

Update

Responding to non-crime, non-events has not actually been abolished. The rules have been tweaked a bit and it will still go on if senior coppers think they can get away with it.

No room at the hospital

A new contract obliges GPs to delay sending customers to hospital to allow the government to massage waiting lists further. A reduction of 25% in admissions in the target.
    A GP who consults a consultant about sending someone to hospital currently gets a fee of £20.

More darn the drain

The Home Sec. has given the French £16 million more to put gendarmes on beaches to watch invaders climb into small boats. That’s do nothing whilst children and elderly disabled people join the rush of draft-dodgers for a trip to the Border Farce mid-Channel taxi service.
● A 5-year deal at the above rate is stalled because the French won’t accept payment by results as they never deliver any.

Unfair is fair?

Police farces will no longer police perfectly legal tweets, the Home Sec. told us. Which raises the question of why, if they were perfectly legal, did the police get involved?
    And also the question of why the senior coppers who sent bunches of minions to persecute innocent citizens are not being prosecuted for wasting police time and sacked.

Blame Red Ed

As a direct result of Edstone Milipede’s abject failure to get the global climate under control despite throwing BILLIONs of pounds of our money at his scams, parts of Britain will be blasted by 90 mph gales tonight.
● His strategy involves trying to set an example but the rest of the world is ignoring it.
● That’s Milip-ede when he’s at the mercy of the Daily Disaster’s line-end A.I system.

Get out of that!

Bier Smarmer keeps claiming that we’re not being invaded by small boat migrants. But someone who pays for them has noted that 70,000 of the buggers have arrived since the last general election. That many bodies arriving all together would be classed as an invasion. And that also applies to a continuous stream of the blighters being scooped out of the Channel over 21 months. But the truth from Bier is way too much to expect, experience tells us.

Corrections

NASA’s current space mission, launched into orbit by the massive Artemis II rocket, is not ‘to the Moon’ as hyped. In fact, the Orion vehicle will be going ‘to the vicinity of the Moon’.
    Furthermore, it will pass behind the ‘far side’ of the Moon; the one never turned toward Earth; not the ‘dark side’ as most of the Moon gets a fortnight’s Sun and darkness in alternation.

Alibi time

The Fantasist of the Exchequer is trying to blame the collapsed state of the UK economy on the recent Iran war and President Thump. It’s nothing at all to do with her almost two years of fiscal incompetence.

Strange silence

Not a word from the usual suspects about the effect the millions of tons of explosives going off in the Middle East will have on gorbal warmage.
    Afraid they’ll have a bomb dropped on them?

New tariff

Any family which failed to blow at least £57 on Easter treats has let the side down. That’s the conclusion of a survey by a buy now, pay later company.

Change, not always for the better

How can the green grotters wreck their image further? How about by claiming the destruction of ambulances run by a Jewish charity was an inside job as a spot of routine anti-Semitism?
    Are the grotters now all about Islam and anti-Semitism rather than the enviromint coz there’s more money in it?

See a good idea . . .

Germany and other EFU countries are looking at exporting their unwanted migrants to ‘return hubs’ in darkest Africa as a way of getting shot of them.
    Echoes of the Conservatives’ Rwanda plan, which Labour binned at huge cost to the nation to punish their British enemies.

Latest scare

If you don’t run for buses and/or you don’t rush up staircases, you could maybe might be at greater risk from dementia.

Even more damage

The latest fall-out from the Smarmer Chagos Betrayal involves the EFU. Putting Mauritius in charge of the islands will let the EFU’s fishing fleets plunder already depleted fish stocks miles from observation.

File under ‘B’ for Boneheaded

The BierBC is getting another booting for cutting the tiny team that handles British events and anniversaries such as royal and military occasions. But throwing bodies at the likes of Glastonbury’s festival will go on. Coz they’re big money-makers and they can have an anti-British theme?

Labour bonanza

Double the rate of inflation for those on benefits, £3,300 for MPs to help with their costa living crisis, more attendance pay for members of the House of Frauds, the 2-child benefit cap scratched.
    When it comes to cash for buying votes, there’s never a costa crisis for Thievin in Labour’s Two Tier society.

Total devastation 2

The CIA’s experts have concluded that the son and successor of the bombed Ayatollah is a homosexualist. Which explains why he’s invisible. It’s illegal in Iran and carries the death penalty.

Off you go

What can you boot the leader under an alias of the green grotters with? Members of the Jewish family to which he belongs think they will be forced out of the country if the Islamist party that he has made out of sometime environmentalists ever gains power.
    That party is now 95% non-Green, the motions before its annual conference and its current obsessions reveal.

Easter treats

Esso petrol 157.9p/litre, diesel 189.9p/litre. 70% of this is taxes that go to Thievin to buy Labour votes.

Hands in our pockets

Smarmer’s Cabinet ministers are not bovvered about fuel prices, congestion charges, parking fees, etc. They just stick them on their expenses and hand the bill for more thousands of pounds to the rest of us. How do they get away with it? The rules are framed to let them do it.

Total devastastion

What’s the best Iran can do to retaliate for all those Israeli and US air strikes? Hack a private email account for holiday pix of the FBI’s director.
    That’s the way to devastate, chaps! And a hell of a lot cheaper than firing off millions of missles and drones.

Useless elsewhere

Bier Smarmer is suspected of planning to buy off a leadership challenge from London’s UseLEZ congestion klutz. If he puts the totally pointless K’han’t into the Haus of Frauds, the Sadgeek can’t be the PM!

Not his problem

President Thump has decided that those nations that need to put traffic through Hormuz should get it open. America has no need of it.

Move along, nowt to see

GM Police are even less popular than usual after finding no evidence of family voting in the Gorton & Gaza by-election. More brushing under the carpet by the usual suspects, was the view from Reform UK.

Act your age

The astronauts who are off on a jaunt round the Moon; not a landing; said they’re doing it for all mankind. Someone needs to tell NASA to grow up and stop making its people offer what is obviously cringeworthy BS.
    Everyone knows that they’re trying to get a base established on the Moon before the Chinese get their act together and claim it as their territory.
    And going further away from The Planet than anyone has ever gone before? Not that much further, so not a big deal and certainly not worth mentioning. Unless you’re really, really, really desperate.

Comparison

Norway has a cash pile of $2 trillion from its North Sea assets. We have a debt pile of £3 trillion from leaving our oil and gas untouched under the sea and the land.

Synthesis

Most government ministers are working at Pace. Doing what? Digging up the cemetery there in search of gold teeth to give to the Fantasist of the Exchequer?

More from the grotters

If made our president, Mr. Alias, leader of the green grotters, will grab any cash that’s not nailed down safely abroad and throw it at schools, and he will abolish exams. Or something.

For the unambitious

Forget landscaping, it’s too much like hard work. Be an expert at bed-scaping. Which is what? No more than making the bed ready for your next kip.

Unappreciated, so absent

The tourist industry on Cypris is getting the fall-out from all the bad-mouthing from the island after one single Iranian drone hit the RAF base there. Britisch tourists have staged a boycott and they are taking an Easter break elsewhere.

Agonising work

Oh, dear, how terrible it is to be a newpaper pagist! One who has to sit and shudder through terrible TV programmes in order to have enough to fill up most of their page. And it’s about a bad guy playing the mental elf card. Oh, the pain, the pain!

More gender pollyticks

The Can’t Prosecute Service can now be accused of gaslighting when it calls a born-male killer ‘she’ in official documents.
    “Men’s crimes are not women’s crimes,” the campaigners are yelling. And the killer will end up in a male prison.

Nasty lot

Disruptive school kids are being accused of making secret recordings of teachers then using A.I gadgets to make fake videos of the teachers screaming abuse at them.

Cack-handed

The war on Iran will hit the UK harder than the other G7 nations, the OECD reckons. Why? Because of the bog Labour has made of ‘growing’ our economy since the middle of 2024.

A spot of good-sense news

The bunch running the Olympics have seen sense at last. The Games in L.A. will exclude biological males from female events. Blokes beating up women in boxing events in 2024 was one of the triggers.

Sludge-pumpers

Mucho mockery for the Cabinet Office minister (Labour) who has promised a sludge-busting crackdown on Labour’s consultation culture. There has been over one per day of Labour consultations as an alternative to doing something useful since Smarmer’s Army took office.

Loada dosh

What is the price of Smarmering up to the EFU? £700 million last year for absolutely Nett Zero benefit to us, and extensive cancellation of road repair and improvement plans inherited from the Tories.

More stop than dead slow

The boss of NS&I had been booted out over persistent foot-dragging, which has deprived relatives of customers who died of £476 million, according to the official guess.

Blameworthy

Thievin & Edstone are getting a good booting for driving up energy prices with green garbage and profiteering from tax on rising petrol prices.
    No danger of either being replaced by someone competent, though.

What day it is?

Oh, yes. April Fool’s Day. Cue Bier Smarmer contributing to the bleedin’ obvious by telling us this country’s future will be affected by the Iran war. Then the Fantasist saying financial relief will be on offer only to Labour voters.

All change back

Thailand is trying to repair its former image as a family friendly holiday destination by backing away from the cannabis free for all provided by a deposed regime.
    Medical use only now and the police are busting illegal users.