Some honesty by mistake?

A Burnbum spokes described his 10-year plan as ‘incredible’; i.e. something not to be believed. Figures. What else can you expect from the embodiment of the term ‘a zero with the rim rubbed off’? And a bloke who keeps saying “I wish to be honest” and then isn’t?

Making NEETs invisible

The plan on offer for getting NEETs into education from L. Powell, our wonderful education secretary, is to tell them they don’t need to do much of the hard stuff like maths and English if they go to college.
● The plan for NEETs on offer from A. Milburn, a sometime Labour health sec., has been costed at £6 BILLION/year. So that’s more borrowing and more rip-off interest for us to pay.

No plan? Do lotz of spin!

Our prime fantasist reckons he will have his 10-year plan published before Xmas. That’s if his gang of management consultants can get the job done.
    He himself is so clueless that he doesn’t have a 10-minute plan, never mind one for 10 years.
    And his indecision is driving the gang of Downing Street alibi merchants nutz!

Deliberate failure

An audit on what the government is doing about Asian grooming gangs has found that it’s nothing much due to feet dragging. The Smarmer gang accepted 20 recommendations from Baroness Carey 18 months ago and then proceeded to ignore them. The Moslem vote at stake?

Counterblast

Someone needs to tell the Legend TV channel that we have a ’uman bluddy right to discriminate and not just accept any old crap that we’re confronted with.

They just don’t get it

Is it arrogance or just stupidity that moved Labour politicians to pretend that they knew nothing about the criminal antics of the sex-obsessed entertainers with whom they consorted?
    Even with the papers full of the stuff their pals got up to over recent decades, we’re still being invited to accept that the politicos are uncontaminated. Fat chance.

How generous

The FBI has felt obliged to stick T. Markle in gaol to prevent him from hopping it on his remaining leg. Which should spare him having to pay care home fees.

It never stops

An animal rights charity is demanding that the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionary stops including the information that chicken is a taunt directed at cowards.
    Disregarding common use of language in the interests of  protecting the mental ’elf of hens?

Can-kicking condemned

Expertrs have concluded that the first budget from the Burnbum regime failed to meet a test of minimum credibility and it puts the country on course for a £30 billion Gordon Brown Hole. No one surprised.
● Worse, failing to tackle borrowing to buy benefits votes will stick the UK with even huger interest charges in future years.

Building on success

Iran is planning more of the operations against US bases in the UK following the removal of the long-range bombers from RAF Fairford. Similar operations are seen as way of getting a big result cheaply using proxy stooges.

Miserable deal

A Home Office review has accused the French of sabotaging the one in, one out scam, from which they scrounged zillions of quids.
    Their snivel servants just say “Non.” without explanation and someone scheduled for export is taken off the list.

Possible fit-notice shake-up

The government is thinking about a U-turn on a Tory reform which it dropped last year. Following scrutiny by the former minister A. Milburn, there may be something done about putting young people on long-term benefits on the basis one just one single note from their GP. Or not.

Target switch

After fake bomb threats were sent to airlines last week, schools in Scotland, Northern Ireland and Italy got them this week. Wot next?

Just expected

Why is it front page news that a bodyguard of the boss of the Hamas was given UK citizenship? Anyone can get it, even Put’n the Poisoner and whoever the Ayatollah Bunchacommies is now, the system is that open to abuse.
    And now there’s Jonah’s trademark indecisiveness to cop with.

Public sector shirkforce

The snivel servants of the Dept. of Work & Pensions are taking the mickey out of the order to spend 60% of their time in their offices. A surveillance operation found that 86% of them don’t turn up until the afternoon on a working day.
● The Business Dept. has an occupancy rate of its offices of a mere 20%.

Work of vital importance

A gang of experts in Germany has concluded that men are more tolerant of a room in a messy condition than women. Their next job of major importance will be to discover which personality types are most distressed by a mess.

Rapid naval surveillance

The Royal Navy has amazed itself by discovering a long neglected urgency button. It has rushed into service, some marine drones.
    Their job will be to keep an eye on the spy ships sent by Put’nstan to target undersea communications cables in UK territorial waters.

No deterrent

What do you get if you whizz off to Thailand to commit bigamy and you send wedding invitations to family members? Hauled into court to be given a suspended sentence, i.e. away with it.

Reality Bite

President $thump has reduced the price of oil by a significant amount by declaring that the Iran war is effectively over.
    They won and he didn’t, but that’s life. Deal with it.

A way to spend £2 billion

The boss of the Met is beating a drum for a national police service because some of the 43 police forces in England and Wales are not up to the job. Eight of them didn’t mount a single undercover operation against the likes of drug gangs or migrant smugglers last year, and some of them may have forgotten how to do such operations. Hence the need to blow a huge wodge of cash on a huge shake-up.

Today’s Bonus Question

Who is this guy Poch, who looks lkie being lumbered with sorting out Man. Utd. FC? Is he one of the Spice Mob? Sure sounds like he should be.

A fine tangle

Israel, offered constantly as the only democracy in the Middle East, is going to be without a government for quite some time after the Ne10yahoo coalition lost its majority.
    The ex-militlary leader of the next largest party could gather up a majority but he doesn’t want anything to do with the Arab members of the parliament. The biog on offer about him suggests that he sees A-rabs as inconvenient human shields to be blasted to bitz when they get in his way.

Today’s Other Question

If you’re expecting a bill for recent services but the email with the details doesn’t arrive because the wheels have come off the MicroSoft Outlook system, does that mean you don’t have to pay the bill?

Stonking grab

Council tax under Labour will rise by 30% in the next 5 years, according to a projection from official government figures. A Housing Ministry spokes offered some BS about this not happening if councils put taxpayers first. Which, we all know, never happens where the looney Left are in charge.

Today’s Questions

Is the founder and boss of a tech giant who cheated on his wife with a Chinese spy liable to get the sack? Or will he get Labour-stlye soft justice and told not to do it again just because he met King Chuck a few times?

Another double deadleg

The one-time EFU Brexit negotions guy, “Bollocks to” Barnier, reckons there is no way the UK will be able to cherry pick the EFU rules and ‘freedoms’ before we’re signed up to Burnbum’s reset. News flash, mate. There are no freedoms where the EFU is concerned, just rips in the direction of off.

Both legs dead

The Culture Vulture Sec., L. Nandy, got a good booting when she claimed that we owe it to our war veterans to fall back into the voracious clutches of the EFU. And rightly so.

Wot a dope

Cllr. Burnbum is about to hand tens of millions of our cash to the EFU cohesion fund. An investigation in the last year turned up fraud amounting to £83 million. And that’s only what was detected. The UK will derive Nett Zero benefit from this part of Jonah’s bribe, and he knows it, but he’s still going ahead with it.

Got it backwards

Britain enjoys a unique trust among nations, Cllr. Burnbum told us after the Commonwealth Conference.
    The reparations scroungers trust the looney Left here to pay up and so do the EFU scroungers when they try to rob us blind in revenge for Brexit.
● Burnbum; a bloke who thinks the mid-term mayhem in the Untied States will end the costa living crisis here!

Entirely predictable

We all know what Burnbum going soft on the reparations racket means. Caribbean politicians swanning round in posh cars like a Sadgeek and nowt for their customers. And an even HUGER hole in our pockets.

Just what everyone needs

Singapore Airlines is offering long-haul travellers the chance to spend a 12-hour journey in a double bed for a modest charge of 10 grand.
    The bed has built-in seat belts for periods of turbulence.

Bumping the costa travelling

The government is trying to sneak in a surge pricing scam for the railways. The greater the demand, the more tickets cost. Cllr. Burnbum, of course, hops on a chartered jet at our expense when he wants to go somewhere, so he’s not affected.

More meaningless rhubarb

The COPout 31 global warming swindler do in Turkey is living up to its name. None of the nations responsible for major carbon dioxide emissions is there. Just a collection of minnows and parasites, including our own sorry substitute for a prime monster having a skive instead of getting on with making a bog of his job.

More cash wasted

The F.O. has spent a ton of cash on a calendar of woke awareness dates, which includes junk like International Pronoun Day and Internationally Allyship Day(?), but excludes real dates like that of Remembrance Sunday.
● Bloody Hell Tourettes’s Day is also included.

Take yer pick

The experts are at it again. Some are claiming that the Polar Vortex, which keeps the coldest air over the Arctic, is breaking down and we’ll get lotz of snow in November.
    Others, using the same evidence, are predicting that this early collapse will prevent early snow.

Seen it all before

Our wonderful government is so short of ideas of its own that it is having to recycle the Project Fear BS concocted by the Bremoaners on their way to losing the Brexit referendum to set up Burnbum’s Brexit Betrayal.

Heads that rolled

We certainly got through prime monsters at a fair pace in the last decades if there were nine ex-members of the clan on parade on Remembrance Sunday.
    If failing to support the Armed Forces cost Bier Smarmer his job, we can expect to see some other deadleg in Burnbum’s place next year in the absence of a revolution?

Down a bit more

The price of Esso petrol has slipped a bit more to 169.9 per litre. Diesel is still stuck @ 199.9p/litre.

Well over the top

Was anyone impressed b y the FBI haul ing an 82-year-old with dementia to court in handcuffs and on a wheelchair?
    And did they have to ‘swoop’ on his care home to make sure he didn’t leg it when they hammered on the door with a retinue of meeja types in attendance?

No longer at it

Monday night’s rash of pops and bangs came during the finale of the Bablylon 5 series. There was a strange silence last night, when the first of the B5 films was shown. That will take some getting used to!

Today’s Question

Does the Trade Descriptions Act not apply to the BBC? That’s the only conclusion possible from the cast chosen for a ‘celebrity’ version of one of its shows.

Also predictable

Sheesh! Whoever does the UNCLE subtitles is a total twat. Or robot plane wouldn’t have been Robert plane. “Henkel” agent? How the FK do you get there from UNCLE?
    Sullivan not Solo. And, inevitably, solow with no capital.

How predictable

The gang making a fortune out of occasionals are asking operators of proper power stations to be ready to meet most of the demand for electricity as they expect their occasionals to be offering Nett Zero power, at great expense to the confumer, for a lot of the coming winter. No wonder our electricity costs twice as much as everyone else’s.

Shameful lapse

Gordon Bennett! You have to be really desperate for a big filler article for your newspaper column if you have to take up smoking ciggies after a gap of 5 years to have something to write about.

More ineffectiveness

Maybe judges, as well as HMRC, need to be replaced by an A.I system. Then we might get sentences issued to criminals on a more reliable basis, eliminating appeals that get them bumped up a bit and shove more cash into the maws of the legal trade.

Money-go-round

Labour’s law on abusive attempts to change sexuality or gender identity could bung £800 million into the economy over a decade by making transpicaters less depressed. Or it will cost businesses £100 million over the decade.
    Both guesses are based on the same data. The big positive guess, natch, comes from a ‘consultation’ run by the transpicater lobby.

Soft in the head ‘justice’

A gang-banger with a collection of nasty knives was given a gaol sentence of 48 weeks, which had to be suspended as it was below the current Labour threshold of 12 months for actually doing time inside. So he got away with it.
    Another triumph for Labour’s Empty Gaols campaign.

A real sorry crew

Also as here, the US has senators who have non-American values. Like the guy who’s a big fan of the Hamas. And there are Demos who want to defund the police and abolish prisons, or are transpicaters, fans of gaoled terrorists, opponents of border and migrant checks, advocates of universal free housing and nationalized grocery stores, and similars.
    Really, really Toxic R Us characters.

That’s Why

The reason for the EFU ban on bacon-flavour crisps has been revealed. It’s so that Little John of the Daily Disaster can go into a pub without being assaulted by products with a smell that he finds revolting.

Daft & Irresponsible

A sound reason for not letting our prime fantasist throw lotz of our cash at regional mayors is the lack of a guarantee that it will be spend wisely or even locally. In devolved Wales, they’re throwing cash intended for the people there at all sorts of projects in Africa and being allowed to get away with it.
    The Deadleg in Wherever is simply not to be trusted.

Copycats

If anything, the mid-term elections in the Untied States are a replay of our last general election in 2024. Labour didn’t win, the Tories lost through the Snackstabber and his gang being crap. In 2026, the same fate overtook the Republicans. And the Democrap brand remains just as toxic as ever.

Nice to be proved right

The mandarins of the Office for Budgie Responsibility are enjoying a warm glow of satisfaction. They predicted in 2024 that Beer Smarmer’s lack of financial responsibility would make inflation soar in the short term. And this year’s unmerry Xmas is a direct result of Smarmer buying support with borrowed cash.

Welcome move?

The legal trade in California is facing a big hit after the outgoing governmor converted all death sentences – 548 of them – into imprisonment for life.
    The move is expected to save millions of dollars in court costs and make the legal trade highly miserable.

Epic fail

Define an exercise in futility. How about an ad on TV for specs that doesn’t feature the brand name in type easily legible to someone with dodgy eyesight?

Kitchen Bang!

Baxters are having to recall tins of cullen skink [smoked haddock chowder] as they are defective. The product can end up with a nasty taste or, at worst, the dodgy tins can explode!

Be advised

All those who are claiming that Rissole Brand “did not fool us, we fooled ourselves” are fooling themselves with that ‘us’. You lot were fooled but not the people who have known that Brand and his mate J. Woss are no good for decades. And the stuff coming out now proves that it was available to the group which includes our prime mayor and other Labour luvvie Brand fans.

Bargains!

Who would want to pay £300 for a CryoGlow LED face mask? Or the sale price of £234? Or a grand (reduced to £449) for a bean-to-cup coffee machine?
    Well, I suppose if you’re on the public payroll and with an expense account, these things attract.

Cash or safety?

The Scottish government is wondering if it can make money out of driving tests for the over-70s. A pilot project in Aberdeenshire found that half of them weren’t up to the job.

Emptier pockets

EFU stooge “Bollocks to” Barnier is trying to get himself noticed by announcing that he has decided that the UK will be screwed rotten if our prime fantasist’s Brexit Betrayal goes ahead.

Sunday Treat

The Packers were in New England, where the Patriots threw a pick right away. Big return, Love in for a TD. Then a sack by GB. Huge pass to the red zone, a pick wiped out by DPI, TD GB, 14-0. Nearly a TD pass for NE. Huge pass to Golden, sack by NE in Q2, FG, 17-0.
    The Patriots stopped by a pick. Nowt from it. Swiss cheese, NE on to a TD. NE close, picked again. DPI got GB close, TD, 24-7. NE inside the GB 10, TD, 24-14. Nearly another pick by GB.
    Red zone for GB in Q3, TD, 31-14. Scoring range again, FG. The Pats sopped by a fumble to GB, TD from it. Love with +2, 42-14. Close for NE, end zone pass, TD.
    Into Q4 for a big gain, FG for GB, 45-21. Sack for GB. Looking foggy again. Roughing gave NE a TD shot, 45-27. Into the last minute, no more scoring.

So it goes

The Brand alibi for politicians seems to be settling on: “Everyone knows that they (politicos) are chancers and they cannot be expected to share the moral values of normal people.”

No rush

Our prime fantasist has announced that he is delaying his 10-year plan for Britain. Lack of inspiration? And will it be booted into the consultation ditch for the next decade?

Feeding frenzy

The legal trade is looking forward to more loot as the police look for more charges to dump on the Labour favourite R. Brand following his conviction.
    More trials and compensation claims to follow and bootings for Edstone Milipede, Jonah Burnbum, the Beeb, the Grauniad and the rest of the fan club.

Living standards will crumble

The Bonk of England is talking up inflation getting to 6% and another hike in its base rate. All part of a Labour plan to give us a very miserable Xmas to put us in our place?

No escape

Pop! Fizzzz! @ 5:20 yesterday evening (Sunday). Some clown with fireworks left. There is no getting away from them.
    And again at 5:40.

Reset rubbish

Since when have potato crisps been an exclusively vegetarian product? The EFU bans smoked bacon flavour ones and that stoopid decision will be inflicted on us by our prime fantasist if he is allowed to Betray Brexit.
    Wot part of ‘flavour’ did the EFU not get? Or is that asking too much of this gang of aimless moochers and scroungers?

No to Rosebank

Jonah Burnbum and Ms Faunceypants are getting bootings from back benchers over switching from pragmatic to a ban on exploitation of off-shore oil reserves. Clearly, energy security is something these prize berks don’t get.

A decision rushed

A survey reckons 88% of home buyers make their mind up about a property just 28 seconds after stepping through the front door. Surprise! Mould and damp put punters off! And scruffy neighbours.

Future bleak

A former bop F.O. bod is cheering us with his views on Labour’s culture of capitulation. The Chagos shambles and the onslaught of slavery reparations scroungers will cost the UK a bomb by the time the dust settles on the dirlty deals which Labour will slap on us.
● The more of our cash Labour gives away, the more scroungers will crawl out of the woodwork to rattle begging bowls, another expert is warning.

Where the blame belongs

The main cause of sky high fuel prices is the taxes a Labour government adds to buy benefit votes and repay the debt created by borrowing cash to buy benefit votes.

Is the turn U or another letter?

Having been clobbered by President $thump over the Smarmer Chagos Betrayal, our prime mayor is in reset mode over the scam. Goverment minions, however, remain entirely clueless about what will happen next.

West Final

The B.C. Lions faced the Edmonton Antlers. FG for the Ants to start. Another in the 12th minute. A 50-yarder by the Lions was short. In Q2, BC made a FG, 3-6. Lotz of defence, sacks both ways, FG with 2 minutes left for the Lions, 6-all. Rourke picked off with 11 seconds to go.
    Rourke sacked in Q3 at 9-6 after an unshown FG. Fajardo ran to scoring range, FG, 9-all. More Fajardo, plus a TD! 9-16. BC drove into Q4 and a TD. 16-all. FG for the Ants. Pass to the BC end zone, 16-25.
    BC lost a DPI challenger, went for it on 3rd down and lost the ball. FG for the Ants, 16-28 in 12th minute. A BC end zone pass missed. The Ants ate the clock for the win.
    Both Grey Cup semi-finals presented by Wegover fat jabs!

The real source

What’s all this garbage that ‘mogging’ is a Gen Z invention? The latest Word of the Year is clearly based on the superiority and ability to out-perform others of the respected Mr. Jacob Rees of the ilk Mogg.

East Final

The Blue Bombers took on the Montreal Alouettes. A 40-yard FG for the Als to start. Nearly a TD for a wide-open receiver after 11 minutes, on to 0-10. Olivera mugged, Als’ ball in Q2. FG from it. Collards sacked, punt. And the Als, good return.
    The MA on to a FG, 3-13. More Philpot for the Als. On to a TD. Scoring range for the Bombers from the kick off. From the MA 1, TD, 10-20. Bomb pass by Alexander to scoring range in the last minute, held to a FG and 10-23.
    FG in Q3 for the BB. One for the Als, 13-26. DPI helped the BB get close and score a TD in Q4. 20-26. Almost a TD for the BB, FG instead. Collards mugged, Montreal ball. Time running out. TD pass to the end zone. 23-33 final.

BIG kids

Despite the costa living crisis, o’besity in nearly primary school age kids is on the march, even in poverty-striken areas. 10% of 4-year-olds are now overweight and the trend also is upwards in older kids.

Do we care?

Would it make a scrap of difference to real people in the UK if Antigua becomes a republic and sheds our monarch as its figurehead of state? Nope. Bring it on, guys and save us some cash.

On and on

It was November 7th yesterday but it was Saturday and there were distant pops and bangs after dark. Firework manufacturers must have made a bomb this year.
● A bucketful of stinky sludge on the head of the SoB who was letting off fireworks from 12:20 a.m. for about a quarter of an hour this morning (Sunday).

Going soft

There is an increasing suspicion that our prime mayor, despite his denials, is going soft on the slavery reparations ishue. Mr. U-Turn is expected to sneak cash for scroungers out of our pockets using the foreign aid label. He’s not a guy to be trusted.

Hostile services at it again

Put’nstan is getting the blame for a series of hoax bomb calls which forced planes to make emergency landings in 4 European countries and disrupted flights from the UK.

Arrogant immigrant

A Sudanese migrant is under arrest for an act of marine piracy. He thought it would be okay to steal a trawler at Ramsgate and use it to bring his family here from France to scrounge off us.
    He managed to do enough damage to turn the boat into a write-off before the crew struggled out of their bunks and confronted him.

Trigger tossers

There is serious ongoing daftitude about. A musical about Scottish culture being performed in London has a trigger warning for ‘bagpipes that can be loud’. But what is really amazing is that there isn’t a warning about human beings moving about on the stage.
● A musical for next year about the life of Anne Boleyn, the second wife of King Henry VIII, has a trigger warning about beheading.

Our fate?

Pop, pop, BARABAM! Again yesterday evening (Friday). Is it going to be Guy Fawkes Nite for the rest of the year?

Down a bit

The price of Esso petrol near me is slipping a penny at a time. Was 172.9, now 171.9. Diesel, however, remains stuck next door to two quid per litre.

Government created slump

Why are young people unemployable? Because Labour has shoved the cost of giving them a job up by three times the rate of inflation since 2024. Kids can’t add profit to a business.

Eminently predictable

Q: How can you tell we have a failing Labour government? [tautology, Ed.]
A: The Bonk of England has had to shove its base rate up, not down.

Wealth wars

California could well shoot itself in the foot by shoving a 5% tax on billionaires. This could lead to an exodus of them and their tech, as E. Musk did in 2020, reducing California to Fourth World status.
    That’s if the billionaires don’t fight back against the grabbing peasants and their political stooges and neutralize the grab.

How Labour cheats

Q: How does a Labour government get to a set of rules that are overwhelmingly to the advantage of migrants?
A: By doing a pretend consultation in which an overwhelming majority of the respondents were migrants, not the people who will be paying for the scam.

’Uman rights law ignored

Labour is also getting appropriate mockery for trying to force into law, a Bill that would make it a criminal offence not to believe that someone who identifies as a cat is actually feline rather than human.

Get off yer knees, Jonah!

Our prime fantasist is finding that he will have to deliver a whole series of apologies for slavery according to who gets one.
    One for countries like Nigeria, which made a bomb out of selling its citizens as slaves. Another to each of the many countries around the world, e.g. China, which are still doing slavery. And on and on.
    But what about an apology for being a two-faced git to the nation that spent more on ending the slave trade than any profits made from it? No bloody chance!

An appropriate professional standard

Oxford University is attracting more mockery over its policy of inclusion. Why? Because it sees nothing wrong with a bearded tit-fetishist bloke giving biochemistry lessons wearing a pair of ginormous false chest balloons under a skimpy frock!

Early start

Just as Bonfire Night started in the middle of October; well, as far as the fireworks are concerned; Christmas is upon us now. We are invited to belive that 10% of those planning to have an Xmas tree will have it in place this week.

Maybe, or not

Are we in for an ‘early’ general election? Definitely, say some pundits, as a consequence of the useless budget. No way after the Chancellor ducked Benefits Binge reduction, say others.
    Well, that’s fortune-tellers for you, reading the same runes and giving opposite guesses.

More hands in our pockets

What is the cost to the nation of our prime mayor’s latest crawl to the EFU? £450 million/year if Europeon students get subsidized courses at British universities.
● This is part of an under the counter scam to pay compenbluddysation to the EFU, which claims it was traumatized by Brexit and Jonah is stoopid enuff to believe this.

Just inevitable

Is it really possible to imagine Jonah Burnbum not screwing up the slavery appeasement and reparations BS royally? Fat chance.

The new norm

Bang! Boom! Pop! at 17:22 hours last evening. Oh, is it Guy Fawkes night again?

Tax as theft

If the coming Tourist Tax is “just a couple of pounds” according to a dismissive spokes, what are the chances of anyone benefiting from it other than snivel servants paid to collect and count it?

Insulting and Irrelevant

Thinking about the mummies which were removed from display in Glasgow because they didn’t leave behind a letter of consent; what right has Jonah Burnbum to apologize for the actions of people now long dead without their consent?

So it goes

What do you get if you’re a violent female criminal who has collected 19 convictions for 74 offences over a decade and the police had to use a taser to bust you on an assault charge?
    Not sent to gaol. No one surprised.

Smart move

What’s a good way to short circuit attempts by the chattering class to make you into a major criminal without the benefit of a trial and a conviction?
    Moving into a care home for dementia patients where you can’t be grilled and intimidated seems to have worked for T. Markle (82).

A bit more mud

“Our approach to China is consistent,” said a government spokes. “They tell us what to do, we do it and we refuse to acknowledge our cringing obedience.”

Wot kept him going?

The big question about the bloke who spent 28 years walking about on various bits of the world is how he could afford it. Did he win the Lottery back in 1998?

Really soft in the head

Illegal immigrants working here illegally can get legal aid to sue their employer under the Angrier Robot workers’ rights law? Sheesh!
    And the Home Sec.’s plans to toughen immigration laws has been diluted to the point of invisibility by Labour MPs reliant on immigrant votes.
    Sheesh squared.

File under ‘S’ for Sabotage

A report from the Commons business committee has accused the government of being soft on China and putting the nation’s security at risk.
    It has sabotaged lucrative deals for British companies and it lets China spy on and harass dissidents resident here and their supporters.
    The spy HQ cum embassy in London is a prime example of crawling. And the importation of cheap tech with a kill switch. There is nothing as muddy as Labour government clarity.

A burst of truth

King Chuck tells ungrateful scroungers that it was Britain that ended the slave trade and their ancestors who were making money out of selling slaves. Almost.
    He could have added that we didn’t abandon the liberated slaves, we let them enjoy the fruits of European civilization and technology, and we’re not charging them repayments for that.

Still got it

It’s all very well to mock the Monaco-based exile from the grabbing taxman Louie Sam Milton as the grandad of Formula One. But if he’s third in the drivers’ championship, he’s doing okay if not spectacularly, and still showing most of the kids who’s the boss.

Yeah, right

Ring, ring from 07475760993. Who can that be? Some recorded scam telling me I’ve spent the best part of a grand on Amazon. Did I have Black Friday Fever, or something?

Reforms effectively binned

Our soggy prime mayor has grotted all over the Home Sec.’s plan to make getting UK citizenship tougher for invaders to blag. The scam now contains lotz more holes than the most Swiss of cheese, and it’s being sneaked through Parliament just before the inmakes skive off on another holiday.

File under ‘D’ for Discard

It’s not just Mr. Burnbum’s pants that are on fire. So are those of his Chancellor, who is going soft on his Defence spending pledges. Meanwhile, Wee Streeting is getting himself noticed by claiming that the Labour lot may, maybe might just saw a bit off the benefits bonanza.
● The Burnbum plan to get young people into work would take 10 years to show results if it ever happens.

Goes with the choice

Are we surprised to be told that young people who work at home and spend ages messing about on the interweb experience loneliness and mental elf ishues? Aaaah, nope.

Crypto-crackers

The North Koreans are getting the blame for hacking the world’s largest crypto treasure chest and strolling off with $6.3 billion in imaginary cash.
    North Korea is like Labour on steroids. It has little in the way of industry and relies on what it can scrounge to survive.

Toxic colour fades

Green grotter members and councillors have been dropping out of Mr. Alias’ party at a fair rate since its conference declared supporting a Jewish state in Palestine is rachelist.

Labour lockjaw

The ’uman bluddy rights industry is expecting to make a bomb out of Angrier Robot’s miles of red tape aimed at wolf-whistling builders. There will be compulsory courses on their conduct for employees on top of stonking fines on employers.

Well, I tried

Crossword clue: small clothes shop (8)
My Answer: Midgets R Us
Shame is doesn’t fit.

Another way ahead

If the scrounger nations want cash, they can always apply to the IMF for a loan and pay interest. Which might make them think carefully about how the money is spent. Unless they have a Labour-clone government, of course.

A way ahead

The scroungers who are after money from us should also have to offset their demands against the benefits enjoyed by the descendants of slaves both in Africa and the rest of the world.
    Arguing over that should allow the can to be kicked down the road at least until all the scroungers and their next generation are dead.
    And there’s always the possibility that the next generation will see their cause is hopeless. If a very, very tiny chance.

Sound, fury, signifying nothing

President $thump was thumped in the mid-term elections in the Untied States but nothing is going to change. The price of diesel won’t drop. He’s still in charge for another 2 years, if only by executive orders, and there’s nowt the Democraps can do about it no matter how much impeaching they try to do.

Today’s Explanation

Addictive Defective Honesty Disorder (ADHD) is what politicians need to have to thrive when Labour is in government.

Today’s Questions

Is an A.I to blame for ignoring in a test run advice that its planned course of action will harm people? Or does the blame really belong to the incompetent humans who wrote its programs in a way that allowed this to happen?

Act of political vandalism

If you want to know why imposing another tier of spend & waste mayors is a terrible idea, alll you have to do is look at the 2 most notorious of them. In London, Sadgeek K’han’t. In Manchester, Jonah Burnbum.
    Neither has actually covered himself in glory.

Further fallout

The Chancellor’s gambling stealth tax will shut down bingo halls, cancel jobs and leave benefits customers with nowhere to spend their loot.
● Not a word from the prime mayor about this, despite his claim that he wants to see jobs protected. Or is he talking about just the public sector?

These things take time

Put’n the Poisoner reckons he’s ready for a major war with Europe. But has anyone told him that he’s not going to get one until everyone here has stocked up with 3 days’ worth of baked beans and bottled water? Both of which have sold out in the supermarkets, which means the job will drag on and on.

Ignore the facts

Hedgehogs are becoming extinct in Britain and the cause is the badger. But self-appointed experts are blaming all sorts of other things, such as road traffic and pesticides.
    But the fact remains, hedgehogs thrive only where badgers, now a protected species, are rare. And when badgers are culled, as during the bovine tuberculosis outbreak, hedgehog numbers grow.

Unlawfare

Criminals let out of gaol early committed 46,500 recorded crimes in the first 3 months of this Labour scam. No guess is on offer for the number of crimes they got away with.

The way forward

If the unofficial guide to the UK’s tax code, Tolley’s Tax Guide, is now 728 pages long, maybe the time has come to hand the ineffective HMRC over to an A.I system, which should be able to cut through the maze in microseconds.

Lest we forget

The Labour Way: “An announcement that there will be a reduction in the bill for benefit votes is not to be taken as a promise to cut this bill,” according to a Treasury spokes.
● Maybe the Chancellor who can down a pint of beer in ont long swallow had done it once too often before he launched his Budgie at an ungrateful nation.

Today’s Question

Is Labour trying to make ua a nation of house owners by killing off the buy-to-rent sector? The current trend is for higher rents to pay relentless stealth taxes and lotz of landlords getting out of the business altogether.

Diet bonus?

NatureScot has authorised the parking of beaver families in the River Ness in the name of promoting biodiversity. If they get about a bit, too adventurous newcomers will end up in Loch Ness. And provide tasty snacks for Nessie, the loch’s resident monster?

So it goes

What do you get if there’s a cease-fire in Gaza? Israel terminates another 1,500 Palestinians.

Labour lies upset Scots

The government promised to hurl £200 million at a flim-flam carbon capture plan, which will have Nett Zero effect on the global climate. Does the government actually deserve a pat on the back for coughing up only £12 million? Or a series of extremely vigorous boots up the bum for wasting that much?

Today’s Question

Does a deal to supply Ukraine with Patriot missles from the US for air defence really ‘aid’ the embattled country if the missles won’t be delivered for several years?

Another wipe-out threat?

The next big health scare is a mutant flu concocted in the bodies of farm workers who catch both human flu and an animal strain. Thus there is a campaign to tell farm staff to get a flu jab.

Lame duck long shot?

As the Untied States brace themselves for mid-term elections, pollsters have the dazzling Democrats 8 percentage points ahead of the reeling Republicans.
    Winning control of the House of Representatives would encourage $thump’s enemies to drown him in impeachment attempts. Not that this would force a premature end to $thump’s reign. It would just be politicians wasting the customers’ cash, as they usually do.

Young ones with sense

Gen Zers are getting the blame for climate change because they refuse to go along with the Nett Zero BS requiring them to give up meat and the health benefits it provides.
    Which is encouraging, if they can spot a meaningless political gesture and ignore it.

We’ll show them!

Egypt has asked for the mummified remains taken off display in Glasgow to add to its mega-museum near Cairo. Assuming Glasgow Life has the consent of the deceased to box them up and shunt them round the world?
● Academics see this as a bad move, which is likely to trigger a wave of repatriation demands to the detriment of education in Britain.

Logical follow-up

SqueeziJet, the one that packs more in, is getting wifi, which will let travellers use a pocket phone. And fall foul of a Burnbum Air Marshal if they don’t use earphones? Kerching! One hundred quid blown!

Short changed

Wot do you get if you sign up for a ‘cruise for life’ on a luxury liner? As far as Cambodia then chucked off the ship coz the fuel costs have made the company go bust.

Too much like being useful?

o surprise that the government is doing nothing to prevent Meta from hoovering up Britisch copyright material without payment to feed to its A.I gadgets. Although Meta did get a bit of a kicking from a court in Europe.

Gadget enhancement

A number of athletes are claiming that trainers with a carbon-plate gadget that provides a springboard action should be allowed in record attempts.
    Wot next? Marathon runners doing a race in just an hour on electric rollerskates?

Must try harder

The UK is leaping up the league of eating disorders, a survey of 204 countries has revealed. But we are only half as good at it as Australia in the count of cases per 100,000 head of population.

Attack of ‘if only’?

The Daily Disaster would really like us to believe that Tom E. Robinson-Lennon could maybe might go to gaol for 10 years for threatening journalists. But with a Labour government making a mess of the prison system? A couple of years inside suspended for 12 months sounds much more likely.

Neat of the Dead

Neatflix subscribers who can’t find anything to watch are being described as zombies. There is little new on the service, one of the zombies complained, and lots of repeats.
    No wonder the shares are down by almost one-third on the January price and the company is shedding jobs.

Reality bite

1.5 million new homes during this Parliament and jobs created across Britain. That’s what we were told in 2024.
    The government will be lucky to get close to 1 million homes due to the damage done to the economy, and we can forget all the stuff about jobs.

Just sleight of hand

The government has confirmed that it has no intention of stopping the boats. Instead, the plan is to blow £150 million on camps for illegals to hold the ones currently in hotels and the new arrivals.
    The Home Office will claim a cut in asylum costs – by shoving them onto local authorities instead.
    Meanwhile, 5 EFU nations are planning to send their illegals to camps built in Rwanda at our expense before that Biery Smarmer threw away this investment.

Command failure

Spain’s mega high-speed train crash was a consequence of epic human stoopidity as well as a failure of technology. The command centre let a train start moving again, knowing there was another stopped on the line ahead of it, and the driver was not ordered to travel at a speed which would have allowed him to stop safely if he had seen an obstruction.

West Semi-Final

The RoughRiders were in Vancover on a beautiful day. The Lions fumbed their opener to the Riders, FG from it. Sack for the RR. Another FG after 9 minutes. One back for the Lions. Another 55-yarder for the Riders in Q2, 9-3.
    BC fumble to the RR. Inside the BC 5, TD, +2, 17-3. Scrambling Rourke, fired a huge pass to a wide open receiver for a TD!! 17-10. A pick stopped a promising RR drive. Whyte with a FG at 0:00, 17-13.
    The Riders were sacked to a FG in Q3. Another big pass and a receiver a long way to the end zone for BC, 20-all. FG for the Riders. Red zone, TD for the Lions, 23-27.
    FG for the Lions in Q4. Whyte again as time ran out, 23-33.  FG for the RR in the 14th minute, 26-33. On-side trick kick failed. FG try by the Lions NG. Harris to Shaker Baker. Just 2 seconds left, the Lions held the line.

A way with words

The Chancellor claimed that the benefits bill will be brought down ‘in a Labour way’. Translation: It will go up but the government will obfuscate and pretend that it has gone down.

Interesting analysis

The government’s numbers add up, sez a former boss of the Institute for Fiscal Studies. How? Coz they are made up! To which could be added: “Austerity is other others – certainly not for Labour MPs and their benefits clients.”

East Semi-Final

The Blue Bombers crossed over to T’ronno with not a cloud in the sky. The BB started with a TD. Sack but the Argos kept going, Kelly passed to the end zone for an equalizer. A pick in the last minute of Q1 took the Argos to scoring range and a FG in Q2. 7-10.
    The BB drew level with a FG. The BB looked threatening but a spectacular pick stopped them. Bomb pass by Kelly. Ahead with a FG. Brown sacked, fumbled to the Argos, FG, 10-16.
    A FG in Q3 for the Argos, 10-19. A 47-yarder by the BB missed. Scoring range for the BB, fumble to the Argos! Kelly lost the ball, taken in for a TD by Fletcher, 17-19. DPI let the Argos kick a FG in Q4, 17-22.
    Kelly dinged, Arbuckle on. Time running out, punt return fumbled to the BB. TD in the last minute, +2, 25-22. Final.

Safer option, maybe

Experts in Turkey are recommending the use of loose tea and a teapot instad of convenient T-bags. Why? Coz plastic bags might maybe releasing 2,500 nano-particles of forever chemicals per cuppa.

Gherkin Budget flopped

The opinion on the budget is that it;s a nothing affair. It won’t reduce the costa living – that’s going up. It won’t make us safer. It won’t reduce the benefits bill – doing that was binned in yet another U-turn.
    And taxes are going up by £7 billion/year to buy benefits votes. And inflation and government borrowing are going up. And all cans remain kicked down the road.

Get out of that!

An alleged celebrity has come up with a novel way to blackmail the jeeja into not printing sex abuse allegations about him. That would endanger his life as he would top himself if it happens. Maybe. Possibly.

Council recycling clots

Back in the 1970s, there was a book created called Night Flowers which introduced the concept of Refuse Reclamation Centres to an imagined group of states. One bin for everything for the customers and everything sorted out at the RRC.
    Fifty years on, the council in Denbighshire in Wales is forcing residents to do the RRC’s job by loading them with 12 bins. And, no doubt, hoping to rake in fines for putting the wrong thing in a bin.

Vanity stroke fear project

Put’n the Poisoner has felt the need to surround his palace at Lake Valdal with 50 defence towers at a cost to his customers of 800 million quid! Such is his perception of the threat of drone attacks from Ukraine.
    Small snag. Ukraine is sending drones at targets of economic damage such as the oil industry and warehouses, not palaces.

Not only A.Is steal

Back in the 20th century, Labour was dismissive of the Thatcher Cupboard stocked with necessities. No surprise that our prime mayor has stolen the concept and dressed it up as being ready for Armageddon; well, 3 days of it, as an attempt to distract attention from the mess Jonah’s gang is making of everything.

How very sneaky!

Q; What happens when Labour starts a ‘back to work’ scam for the long-term unemployed with a target for the number of them to be recvruited?
A: The scam flops and the target has to be reduced retrospectively to make the failure look less obvious.

Today’s Observation

Headline in a newspaper being recycled: We need to eat more tomatoes to avoid getting a fatty liver. The next warning: one about the perils of reckless tomato scoffing?

Not going short

Over 10% of the NHS senile doctors who are threatening a strike are on over £200K per year. This is the gang that think they’re entitled to another 25% on their pay.
● Just 20% of the NHS consultants voted to strike. Half of them weren’t consulted and offered a chance to vote.

Burnt bum and cloth ears

Our prime mayor has been warned that allowing Europeons to come here unchecked under the EFU free movement scam would hike the benefits bill by over £2 BILLION/year. No sign that Jonah is listening.
    Not that he ever does.

100 Daze In Office

Our prime mayor is the sort of person who’s big on trivia, like noisy buggers on buses, but never has a workable solution to offer. And everything important gets can-kicked down the road so that no solution is needed.

Thursday Nite, Week 8

We got the Carolina Panthers @ the Pea Hockers, who fumbled away the kick-off return. Groan. CP sacked to a FG. Red zone for GB, on to a TD, PAT blown, 3-6. Panthers from the GB 1 to start Q2, TD.
    Another fumble to the Panthers. No damage. GB to the CP 1, TD, 10-13. A pick by the Pack. End zone drop. Next pass caught! Sack in 13th minute by GB.
    The Panthers stopped on 4th & 2 in Q3. Red zone for GB, on to a TD, 10-27. Panthers sacked to a 50-yard FG. GB drove into Q4, Love picked at the CP 1.
    Another sack by GB. 4th & 3 for the Panthers, dash to the end zone made. 19-27 in 10th minute. GB ate clock to the last minute. Pass and hope by the Panthers ended up in GB hands.

Rather rare event

Crumbs! Dr. Sloan diagnosed the murder of a transpicater in 1995. The deceased got himself rebuilt to look like a woman and tried to make a career out of shagging every bloke he used to know.

Credibility crisis

We have a Business Sec. who thinks cutting import duty on the likes of gherkins will make a dent in the government-created costa living crisis.
    40p per week is on offer to gherkin fans, according to the government – something which will be swallowed up in retailers’ operating costs.

Costa plenty

Israel and President $thump have cost British motorists £10 BILLION in excess fuel charges thanks to their ineffective war against Iran.
    £1.75 billion of that has gone to the Treasury to buy benefits votes via VAT.

Another excuse for convict liberation

Unshiftable bedbugs have been added to the list of excuses for why gaol calls cannot be used.
    Getting on for 4,000 cells are empty due to damage, asbestos, damp, rising radon gas, etc. and nothing much is ever done to rectify the problem.

Stop the rogues

The pensions minister, P. McFadden, is gearing up to ban the firms which take cash off people for getting them onto the Pension Credit climb.
    Up-front fees or 20% of the take is their price. Thousands of these claims per year are now being made, sometimes without the knowledge of the pensioner concerned.

Today’s Conclusion

If our prime mayor wants an ‘honest’ discussion about Betraying Brexit and letting Europeons come here unchecked, then that rules him out of participation.
    Wot we’ve seen thus far suggests he doesn’t have an honest bone in his body if he’s going back on his election guarantee in Makerfield about respecting the Brexit vote.

Early start

It has been November 5th for well over a week now. Not every night but there have been bangs and whooshes after dark on most of them. Fortunately, the Mansion cat manages to be indoors and usually asleep somewhere when the Fawkes clones are at it.

The right move

Marine Le Pen, the leader of the National Rally party in France, seems to be positioning herself as everyone’s favourite granny in her publicity pix. She’s the person to tackle the naughty boys who are wrecking the joint, not the hapless President MacRon.

Still failing

Our prime mayor failed to put an end to rough sleeping when he was mayor of Manchester. He’s failing to do it nationally now. So he’s chucking another £432 million of borrowed cash down this Brown Hole.

Pushing it

Want something to moan about? How about watching cartoons made in the last 90 or so years and moaning that only 25% of them have a female leading character?

Streeting deadline

Our Defence Sec., Wee Streeting, has given the government an ultimatum. We have until July 2029 to prepare for the coming war with Put’nstan.
    No wonder the present Chancellor ducked out of Wee’s job, knowing there was no way he could deliver anything useful.
    No doubt he wants us to think it was a rather clever tactical retreat which will keep his career plodding along; and his nose in the trough.

Back at yer

Britain’s largest Jewish group has taken a reciprocal swipe at the green grotters. The Board of Deputies has had a vote and declared the grotters responsible for giving prejudice against Jews a political licence.
[Wait till the Sheriffs get stuck into the grotters! Ed.]

The delusions spread

Jonah Burnbum thinks he can get away with Binning Brexit and sliding Britain back into the EFU’s single market via what amounts to an Executive Order rather than holding a referendum to legitimize the betrayal.

Ears of cloth

The Man From UNCLE subtitles provided their usual amusement. Illya crayon – the other Man from UNCLE. Then “No 1st May leave” for “No one may leave”. Sheesh! Later, Illya became area.

Talking tripe

The Brag: The Chancellor claimed he was going to help entrepreneurs build their business and grow the economy.
The Reality: His department’s Entrepreneurship Tsar found she was being sidelined and treated as a side-show, and quit.

Everyone on it soon?

The Metropolitan Police have been forced to drawn up an ‘ignore list’ for breaches of tagging conditions for criminals in the London area in response to Labour’s early release scam.

Nothing useful to say

Q: What do you get when the prime mayor calls for a ‘national resilience conversation’?
A: He thinks that’s job done and slopes off to do more cute internet stuff and there’s no actual chat.

Dodging the difficult stuff

HMRC has written off £13 BILLION due to the collapse of businesses under Labour. Wot does the prime mayor do? Go on TV doing his imitation of the two puppets in the Twix advert.

Budget Verdict

Inadequate and deliberately vague. Power costs to rise by £500 next year, £100 on offer to some. No one surprised.

Nett Zero due diligence

The Irish government had to rush into denial after videos made at public expense were seen as trying to equate grandparents with paedophiles. Woke, indeed.
● The Irish Republic is now being condemned as a sewer of anti-Semitism, where they hate Israel almost as much as the UK and fossil fuels.

Battered, but not quite broken

Brighton has been selected as the image of what Labour government does. The iconic pier was closed to the public in 1975 and left to be battered to bitz by the weather because the council didn’t dare demolish it. It has been wrecked a bit more by Stiorms A & B.
    The fact that some of it is left is a tribute to the Victorian builders in the 1860s, long before Labour was invented.
● Brighton also offers the tourist the opportunity to view holiday apartments owned by government ministers and wonder how many millions of taxpayers’ money were blown to buy the favours needed to raise the purchase price.

Talk, snag, inaction

The Education Sec., not the world’s brightest spark, sez a 4-day week and more pay for teachers in state schools is a good idea.
    Told it can’t be done, she reduces it to a target. Can kicked successfully down the road.

File under ‘F’ for Fail

Wot was our posturing prime mayor doing on the Channel 4 show Celebrity Gobbledegook? He’s not a celeb. He’s just a clueless attention-seeker.

Something to look forward to

The alleged energy regulator, OfGem, is getting its alibis in place for running out of gas and the lights going out if we have a very cold winter. Meanwhile, the Labour loonies are working at pace to halve our gas storage capacity, which is only about 4 days at present.

Bad mistake

The law firm at the forefront of the campaign by Henry Sussex Windsor and others to shut down the Daily Mail has gone broke.

Pay up, or else

The senile doctors’ union is recycling the various legends used by their juvenile counterparts during their 3 years of industrial inaction. The Seniles don’t want to go on strike [yeah, right] but they want 25% more to get back to where they were ages ago and anyone who wants to see their arithmetic is a rotter.

Wot nice people

No surprise that the yoof wing of the green grotters is urging spoilt brats here to take to the streets for some lootin’ and arson about like what’s happening across the Channel. Smash, bash, grab is the new Green Way.

Madam Deputy Speaker . . .

Everything backed by this budget. That’s backed into a corner. No one surprised.

More battering to come

The Met Office is working at pace to inflict another winter storm upon us. This one will have a friendlier name, Chloe, than A&B got.

Thief’s paradise

Police budget cuts and early release of persistent criminals has sent the number of recorded crimes crashing through the notional 7 million ‘barrier’.
    The number is rather meaningless, though, because of the numbers of crimes not reported and not recorded by the cops.

The lights WILL go out

The Labour plan for wrecking the joint is going so well that the government is advising everyone to have at least 3 days’ emergency supplies stashed for a big shut-down of everything.
    The Defence and Security bods were accused of having shares in a wind-up radio manufacturer when one was included in the essentials list.

One toe on the line

The Energy Sec., Ms Fahncypants, has been bludgeoned into giving the Home Sec. a little support for her immigration plans, on which Labout has been slushily soft. Not any great achievement with the prime mayor diluting them furiously.

Money-go-round

Banks are going big on A.I and shedding human jobs by the thousands. Customers are advised to keep a stash of cash for when bad software or criminals make the system crash. Advice that burglars will take note of.

Get out of that!

Glasgow Life has taken mummies off display in Kelvingrove. Why? Coz they don’t have documented consent from the deceased or their exors to put the remains on show.
    Wokeosaurus, or what!
● Another museum in Glasgow, run by the same charity, has followed this sorry lead.

Labour’s economy wrecker

No surprise that trade unions are already abusing the powers granted to them by Angular Robot before they become law. The right to jackboot into a business even if it has no deal with a union, huge fines and endless quango red tape in prospect.

Action? Yeah, right!

The culture vulture secretary in Scotland is getting a booting for doing a Burnbum. She promised to get on with planning to restore Glasgow’s twice burnt-out School of Art building. But she seems to have kicked the can down the road, Jonah-style.
● The speed with which the French got the wreck of Notre Dame cathedral fixed up is being used to underline the useless-ness of the Scottish government.

Not a nice place to visit

The French police are in danger of running out of tear gas and stun grenades as far-Left manipulators continue to encourage thieves and arsonists onto the streets all over the country.

What next?

Apparently, the prime mayor’s first 3 months in the job have been all about resetting political expectations. Okay, we know know for sure that he’s clueless and he sees every can as something to kick down the road. Where do we go now?

Budget Disaster

Everything that could have been got wrong has been. Healey lives up to his name. No cans in sight, all kicked down the road. No one surprised. PM waggles eyebrows on internet.
Alternative title: Putin the ‘sad’ into sadist

Wrecking the joint

The head of the London Stock Exchange reckons that the take-overs of British companies by foreigners poses a threat to national security. Labour’s constant tax and waste agenda prevents companies from growing here and exposed them to being snapped up by foreigners enjoying a more business-friendly regime.
    This is typical of Jonah, who brings disaster to everything he touches and, devoid of ideas himself, is shameless about misappropriating those of others.

Same scam, same flop?

Oh, dear. Someone has recalled that our prime mayor’s Big Idea of spot fines for noisy buggers on buses and trains was stolen from tony b. liar. No one believes he will make it work either.

Not a smart buy

Vitamin gummies are a racket, we have been told. Mugs are paying well over the odds for attractively packaged stuff when conventional tablets deliver higher doses of essential vitamins and minerals at a fraction of the gummy cost.

Back to Square 1

Drinking 6-8 cups of tea per day will help you live forever, is almost the message from one gang of experts.
    No it won’t, say other experts. The conclusion is based on dodgy data.

A cause of it

The lawyers making a mint out of the migration racket are hoping to take the UK to the Euro court of ’uman bluddy rights. Wot for this time? To get compenbluddysation for our part in causing the gorbal warmage which creates the storms that stop their customers from crossing the Channel to the Benefits Wonderland.

That’ll larn ’em!

Killers who refused to be in the dock to listen to a judge ranting at them and delivering a gaol sentence will be dealt with severely. Three whole weeks in solitary!!! Gosh! The ’uman bluddy rights mob will be up in arms over that!

The voice of vested interest?

Trichologists in Italy have decided that Lisa Gherardini, a.k.a. Mona Lisa, had alopecia and she was going bald. This conflicts with other experts who reckon that her lack of eyebrows and eyelashes was just the fashion of the age.

Now we know

From the 1930s, MI-5 was busy watching the Labour party, which was full of commies, including the saintly leader A. Bevan. Some of the active spies for the Soviet Union, safely dead, have now been outed, Cash, cigars and wine were popular payments.

The only colour is bleak

Labour shoved the national debt through the 3 trillion quid ‘barrier’ effortlessly and without a trace of a sonic boom this month and hiked inflation up to 3.5% Taxes, mortgages and everything else to go up?

Opaque on transparency

Our prime mayor is being economic with the truth again; this time on how many freebies he enjoyed from the foreign owner of Man City FC. The next bit of economy is expected to be about what he’s hiding.

Meeting 194

That’s how many times the Packers have played the Lions. Inside the Detroit 5 for the Pack, FG, botched. Red zone for the Lions, TD dive. 4th & 2 made by the Pack, red zone, TD, 7-all. Into Q2, FG for the Lions. GB stopped close. Detroit out of a hole to a fumble inside the GB 10.
    In Q3, another fumble to GB. All the way to a TD, 14-10. TD in reply by the Lions. Detroit out on downs with a minute to go.  Big pass by Love picked in Q4. Long FG for GB and 17-all. Lions out on another 4th down. Another GB FG try tipped wide. FG by Detroit with 1 second left, 17-20. Groan.

Work not shirk

No surprise that their union has called NatWest bank’s decision to make staff go to the office at least twice a week instead of skiving at home for all of it ‘a kick in the teeth’.

Yawn

Why is the BierBC doing ‘live’ coverage of Wednesday’s budget from 9 a.m. when most MPs aren’t out of bed then? Just a load of waffle and pointless speculation will be on offer for several hours. Not something that bovvers the Beeb, apparently.

Don’t add up

We are being ordered to put the address in the bottom half of an envelope. So how come all official correspondence from government and council departments puts it in a box in the top-left corner?

Last Saturday West

Finally, the Edmonton Antlers in Regina. Red zone for the Ants, Charge! from the RoughRider 1, TD, PAT try missed, 6-0. Sack by the RR after 9 minutes. FG by the Riders in Q2. A pick by the Ants, out on downs. A Charge! by the Riders got them a TD,  the PAT was a terrible miss, 6-9.
    Lotz of defence in Q3. The Ants lost a TD to a penalty. The Riders collected a fumble. Red zone in Q4, almost a TD, DPI, Charge! TD Riders, 6-15, no +2. Lotz of defence, and a rouge from a punt for the RR, 6-16. A fumble recovery got them nothing. A FG for the Antlers, 9-16 final.

Nett insanity

The storms underline the folly of Edstone Milipede’s narcisistic posturing. Power stations are connected to the national grid, windmills aren’t, especially those in the sea. Thus they need hugely expensive connection infrastructure.
    Also, they costa fortune and deliver Nett Zero electricity when they’re switched off coz the wind is blowing too fast.
    No wonder Labour has bumped electricity here up to lunatic prices.

Wheels off again

Booting for the prime mayor. He claimed he’s put a cap on fines imposed by cowboy parking lots, only to be told that his £100 was the existing cap, not something new, and the suggestion had been to reduce it to £80. Well, typical Jonah, claiming he invented something done by someone else.

Expensive frill

The government wastes £1.7 million on applying D.I.E. BS to prisons, claiming they are raysist. How strange that ‘inclusion’ doesn’t include keeping dangerous criminals behind bars.

Last Saturday East

We got the RedBlacks in Hamilton on s cloudless afternoon. The RB opened with a FG. One for the TigerCats. The RB took a bobbled punt return to midfield, sacked to a FG, 3-6. One back for the Cats at the end of Q1. Another FG for the RR in Q2. Then a pick stopped the Cats.  Nowt from it. Another pick to scoring range. On to a TD, 6-16.  Add more 3 FGs, 9-22 at half time.
    Another FG for the Cats in Q3, then they recovered a fumble. FG from it, 9-28. The RB were sacked to a punt, which was blocked, TC ball. On to another TD, 9-35.
    Gasp! TD for the RB in Q4. Close by the RB as time ran out, sack, still on to a TD, 22-35, a +2 try botched. The end.

Dead Ringer

Who did the president of Brasil remind me of when he was on the lunchtime TV news, posturing at a polling station? An elderly version of Boss Hogg of Hazzard County!

Today’s thought

A major indicator of the decline of Western civilization has to be the continued inclusion of cartoons of the respected scientist A. Einstein in adverts for ‘smart’ meters.

Good, that’s settled

The Chinese plague shambles was the fault of the then Health Sec., a non-medical political administrator. It was nothing to do with the experts who were offering contradictory advice and the likes of the snivel servants who were failing to do due diligence on PPI contracts, etc, etc.

His fault

They should have called Storm B Burnbum| to dump the blame for 2 severe blasts in quick succession where it belongs – on Jonah’s sorry arse.

Keep candles handy

Thanks to the Milipede Nett Zero BS, the country came to the verge of power blackouts multiple times during the summer as demand from cooling systems soared.
    We are now being warned that cold winter will make them inevitable. Stand by for lots of excess deaths and the government bods pretending it’s nothing to do with them.

Alternative fate

Yet another of them there experts has come up with another way for humanity to go when A.I systems take over. They might not wipe out all of us out. They might just keep some of the cuter specimens around as pets.

Land of the Unfree

Labour’s hand-outs to benefits fraudsters are big news across the pond. The US media are holding Britain up as a horrible example of what looney-left politicians can do to a sometime prosperous country.
    The faltering Republicans are saying only they can stop the same happening to the Untied States, pointing to the likes of the Democrap mayor of Noo Yawk and various congresspersons with the same agenda as our Labour lot.
● The loss of free speech in the UK and the agenda of biased police forces are also ishues for the Yanks.

Fat chance

Who is going to spend 5 minutes gawping at an advert for some load of rubbish during the hilites of the NFL’s Thursday Nite Football? ViewTube extracting the urine by the gallon!

Last Friday West

 Last Friday West
    24th October 2026

The Blue Bombers were in Vancouver. Bomb pass to the end zone after 2 minutes, TD for BC. A sack by each team. A fumble went to the Lions. BC got a stop on a 3rd and 1, Then a pick in their end zone. BC fumbled a punt away in Q2.
    The BB were picked in the BC end zone. FG for the BB with 2 minutes to go, one for the Als, 3-10 with 21 seconds left. A 54-yard try by the BB at 0:00 missed.
    In Q3, Collards was roughed and off, Brown on and fired a huge pass. Then a TD pass! 10-all. TD, 53 yards by Olivera a minute into Q4, 17-10. A pick gave the ball to the BB. Red zone, another TD pass by Brown, 24-10. FG with 2 minutes to go. Another TD for the Bombers, 34-10. Close by the Lions, but stopped at the BB 2 at 0:00.

The enemies within

No surprise that Labour has an infinite supply of deadlegs to put in the Energy Sec. job. The latest is poised to bin the Rosebank oil field; big and essential; if she isn’t booted into seeing sense.
● Ms Fahncypants is a typical hippocritial leftie who sent her kids to private school.

Some moderation

Esso petrol has crashed down to 173.9p/litre. Diesel remains at 199.9p/litre, just below the notional barrier.

Last Friday East

The Alouettes headed tor T’ronno. Red zone for the Als, Charge! From the TA 1 for a TD but the PAT missed. Bomb pass, one play to a TD for the Argonauts! 6-7. Sloppy finish to a drive, FG for the Als.
    Into Q2, huge FG for the Argos, 9-10. FG for the Als. FG try missed by the Argos. A miss by the Als in the 13th minute. Time enuff left for an Als TD, 19-10.
    A 47-yard FG for the Argos in Q3, then they stopped the Als with a pick. A takeaway by the Als, nowt from it. Another FG, 19-16 at the end of Q3.
    Red zone for the Als, TD in the 8th minute, 26-16. Another TD for the Als with 2 minutes to go. 33-16 final.

Problem being ignored

A review of schools has found that 20% of pupils have witnessed anti-Semitism, 60% of Jewish kids have experienced it and over 50% of all kids see no point in reporting it as nothing will be done.
    Agitation by Palestine Pals is getting most of the blame.

Missing the point

Good booting for the prime mayor over immigration from Mrs. Badenuss. Jonah is letting his looney left intimidate the Home Sec. into being soft on benefits scoffering migrants and claiming cosying up to the Europeon state is the answer.
    That’s the place where migrants and spoilt kids are wrecking the joint from Spain across to Germany.
    Meanwhile, Jonah’s main focus is quieter trains and buses rather than anything a prime monster should be doing.

Fleet shrinkage

The Royal Navy is retiring its small ships at a rate of knots. 8 of them will be gone by 2031. A government spokes offered some wibble about autonomous systems. Translation: it will all be done using drones.

Yet another betrayal

Labour is getting a booting for shoving through Parliament, a Bill aimed at weaponizing the law against troops to the benefit of the lawfare carried out by the IRA and the legal trade.
    The government is trying to put the blame on the Europeon ’Uman bluddy Rights stuff.

Something to look forward to

The commies, spoilt brats and Pal Pals in France are hoping to get riots going on our side of the Channel next month. They want students to hit the streets for arson around and looting on International Yoof Day. Groan.

Alternative future

A rise in bowel cancer in younger patients is being interpreted as a sign of early ageing onset by the medical trade. Is that going to kill off humanity and save A.I the bother?

Here we go again

What’s a good way to get all of the NHS staff out on strike? Offer everyone a 2.4% pay rise, way below inflation, in the 2027/28 financial year.
    The official response is that juvenile docs have had a pay rise of 35.2% over the last 4 years and their strikes wasted £3 billion, which would have given all NHS medical staff a 4% rise.
    This distraction ignores the fate of nursing and auxiliary staff.

Another waste of time

Our prime mayor’s pledge to silence noisy bastard phone users on buses and trains by making them wear earphones is collapsing in disarray. Who will enforce it? Silence.

Cloud-free

Relying on just Gooble’s cloud for data storage can be a huge mistake, banks and government services found this week. A power failure caused an outage and masses of outrage when information and internet services vanished for a while.

Rackety

It was certainly rather noisy last night. No doubt it was the fringe of one of those storms with a rubbish name due to human-caused gorbal warmage.
    How much is this going to cost us in switch-off fees to windmill spivs and fire-up fees to gas power stations?

No surprise

There’s nothing like creating expectations. The did-a-bunk Defence Sec.’s first Budget is expected to be worse than either of the disasters we got from Thievin Reeves!
    It will be just a work of fiction, full of never-to-be-delivered spending cuts.

The name is a giveaway

Anything called ‘smart’ isn’t. Thus no surprise that one-third of the speed cameras on ‘smart’ roads haven’t worked for a year.

On and on

The inquiry into the Chinese plague is now in its 4th year and it has blow £200 million. Most of it vanishing into the pockets of the legal trade? Politicians seem to be getting the blame for the failings of the medical ‘experts’.

Not to be trusted

The BBC has received a good booting for using government statisticians to create material for news broadcasts and reviews. They were also passed off by neglect as Beeb staff.
    Independence and transparency effectively compromised.
    Another part of the left-wing invasion? Well, wot can you expect if the Director General is busy building a satnav around bias? Which will do what? Help people with some anti-social bias to find others of the same ilk?

Moving on

More financial stability for women and flexibility in their lives is getting the blame for moving the traditional 7-year-itch breakdown of marriages to a 20-year-itch.

Ignore the facts?

Experts are claiming that 90% of the puffins around the British Isles will have gone by 2050. Global warming hitting their food supply is blamed.
    But this ignores the fact that A.I will wipe out humanity before long, and end gorbal warmage completely forever.

The pace of Labour government

Our wonderful government had to axe 24 new road-building projects to buy benefits votes. No one surprised.

Radical switch

Left-wing globalizers are getting the blame for the riots all over Europe. Does that mean the attempt to blame everything on a few right-wingers is hitting the buffers?

Expected reaction

Labour’s laws making it nearly impossible to tell tenants to leave a property have resulted in a spectacular rise in rent prices for new agreements. No one surprised.
    The supply of properties for rent is diminishing rapidly.

All talk

What happens when Labour sez it’s going to get tough with migrants? Absolutely nothing other than over 200,000 more aliens get leave to stay her and hoover up benefits.
    Angular Robot and the trade unions are getting the blame for obstructionism and overloading the taxpayer.

Today’s conjecture

If F-off means go away, what does the opposite, F-on, mean? Stay put? Works.

Extreme daftitude

Moray, the gem of North-East Scotland, has a councillor who has to travel 3,500 miles from his base in Cairo to visit his constituency. Definitely someone to blame for causing global warmage!

An explanation

If some little kids are taking 30,000 steps per day, could it be because their legs are very short and one step doesn’t actually get them very far?

No mystery

“I don’t think many working-class stories are being told”, sed a bloke when he got his name in the paper. Could that be because Labour is working at pace to abolishing working?

No big deal

A Norwegian teenager who was sent to the UK as a hit-man by Swedish stooges controlled by Iran has been sentenced to 20 years in gaol. He is expected to be out again by the end of this decade under Labour’s soft-on-crime agenda.

Goes with the job?

The bloke who was Sheriff of Nottingham until May, a Labour councillor, has been exposed as a bad guy who lived up to the reputation created for the post in the Robin Hood era.
    Blagging freebies and getting cut-price deals was all a result of inadvertently using his title, he sez.
    An alibi not available to our prime mayor when he was blagging freebies in Manchester.

Today’s Questions

Are we impressed by some journalists realizing that our prime mayor is a dud and not up to the job? Or are we too busy wondering what took them so long to spot his blatantly obvious dudness?
    This is a bloke who thinks he’s entitled to be the prime mayor. Nothing more than that in the way of qualifications.

Bluff works

How do you get to be the press secretary of the POTUS? Be a glamour chick and claim you’re a lawyer even if you didn’t actually pass your bar exam. You’ll get at least 5 days’ pay out of it.

Ignore the Law?

Female staff at Whitehall have been told that they will be done for unlawful harassment if they dare to complain about blokes using their toilets. And done for misconduct if they fail to use a transpicater’s personal pronouns.

Univeral lack of pearly purity

Reform UK is losing voter ratings to the Tories thanks to the relentless left-wing sleaze campaigns by politicians and the meeja. Good point from Tory defector R. Jenrick on the BBC: can our national broadcaster guaran-damn-tee that it won’t employ sex offenders and other nasties in the future? No, it can’t. Vetting can only go so far. And then there’s the conspiracy of silence in the meeja about Labour’s anti-Semitism.

Plenty of paint-work

The Japanese PM got a good booting on the interweb for claiming she works longer hours than a man because of all the time she spends slapping on make up. A topic which our own prime mayor would rather we ignore after all the speculation about his mascara and eye liner use.

Polytics

What happens when the IMF tells the Chancer of the Exchequer to cut welfare instead of grabbing more taxes? He shoves tax rates up to show what a tough guy he is. Even though tax rates are already hysterically high and cash flow out of the UK from the ‘jewel in the crown’ banking sector is inevitable.

Not a solution

It’s all very well for disaster preparers to stock a garden shed with food for when the wheels come off. But what do they do on that awful day when they find everything is well past the use-by date and they can’t get replacements?

Excellent question

Why does our prime mayor assume that Put’n the Poisoner got us out of the EFU, a Daily Disaster reader wondered. Correctly, as keeping us in would have done even more damage and destroyed our economy so much faster. Bad guys can fail. And politicians like Jonah will lie their head off.

File under ‘I’ for Invention

Oh, to be a snivel servant! It’s possible to have 5 full-time jobs with different departments, all funded by the taxpayer, and to get paid for working more hours than the 168 in a week.
    And get away with the fraud for years and years.

The U-turn made

President $thump will not be allowed to put the execution of a terrorist on the interweb in December. He has been told that cultivating an appetite for executions as entertainments is a Bad Idea and will lose him lotz of votes.

Not exactly a world record

Not one you’d want, anyway. NHS bosses have been working at pace to ban blokes claiming to be women from female spaces in hospitals. It has taken a mere 18 months to come up with guidelines after the High Court ruling on sex not ‘gender’. No rush to apply the guidelines, of course.

So much for transparency

Who was a Freebie Friend of Man City FC’s foreign owners? The city’s cosmetic mayor at the time. He’s supposed to have published a list all the presents he got but that hasn’t happened. No one surprised.

Very inventive

It would appear that Thames Valley Police bamboozled a judge with fantasy to get their search warrants for Prince Andrew’s gaffs back in February. And that’s why they were declared unlawful. But things are expected to be fixed retrospectively.

The titlers strike again

“The mountain . . . must come to my habit” was in the titles of an episode of Maigret. Makes a change from Mohammet.

Swipe Two

The Education Sec., boss of what is now the Department of Dope, claims to believe in the importance of clear communication.
    Small snag. Her speech on the subject was full of clichés and platitudes, and it had pretty well Nett Zero communication content.

We care

Our Foreign Sec., Wee Streeting, has ordered the US Defence Sec. not to abandon Ukraine on a jolly across the pond. The UK is having to bridge the missle gap left by the latest $thump tantrum.

No one sent home

Only the Labour party could give the job of Education Sec. to a woman who thinks ‘inclusion’ should be used to keep badly behaved kids at schools. Someone who wants the widen the narrow of what good is to include appalling.

Sunday Satisfaction

The Cowboys in Green Bay were stopped. GB got to the red zone, on to a TD. Cue an ad for something you can’t buy! A pick was battled to a TD by the Cowboys at the end of Q1? No, down by contact miles away. Into Q2 and a pick by the Pack. Inside the 10, just a FG, 0-10. A pick stopped the Cowboys. Charge! from the DC 1 in the last few seconds of the half. Ads before the replay, 0-17.
    Red zone for Dallas in Q3, to the 1, Charge! 7-17. Add a FG to the GB score, 7-20. Into Q4 after lotz of defence. Dallas out on downs. Red zone. FG, 7-21. Another pick? Roughing the passer, Dallas ball. 4th down made, red zone, no score. Close in the last minute, TD, no +2, 13-23, the end.

Sounds fair enuff

“The unique problem with A.I is that if it takes over, you don’t get a second chance”, one of the bods creating it reckons. So in that case, does doing in people like him count as an act of self-defence and something the Law can’t touch you for?

Today’s Explanation

Why does our cosmetic prime mayor get called Jonah Burnbum? It’s a consequence of being a liar, liar, with his pants on fire.

Extinction looms

Real would-be influenzers are finding they just can’t compete with the A.I ones. They have no hope of matching the sheer perfection of A.I generated images, and also their pretend access to places which human influenzers have no hope of invading.

Reckless endangerment

The decline of NHS dentistry means that speeders without a helmet on e-bikes and scooters face monster bills for private sector dental repairs after a good crash.

Today’s Q&A

Q: Why are they called subs?
A: Because they fall short of being a substitute for proper food.

Confidence loser?

Six years after Police Scotland promised to obey the then Lord Advocate’s command to have an independent review of all rogue coppers, it’s been binned secretly.
    Too much like hard work?

Unexpected bonus

The French government is expecting to make a tidy sum out of fines imposed on the rioters who have been busted for arson about, fighting one another as well as attacking the police and wrecking the joint all over the country.

Stoooopidity

What exactly is the point of online knowledge of Britain citizenship tests with Nett Zero supervision? Ones that can be taken by a substitute with access to Mr. Internet for answers? Who came up with that daft idea? The government or the snivel service?

Overdue

When are we going to get an investigation into the Put’nstani influence on the Makerfield confected bye-election which put a totally dozy dope into the real 10 Downing Street?

Doomed!

Everyone with a robot lawnmower is under threat of a) having to cut the grass themself if the Chinese operate the kill switch, or b) being killed by it if a homicidal A.I takes it over.

Dream on!

A British company, ClearSpace UK, has been awarded a £62 million contract to de-orbit a couple of dead satellites. The hope is that it will lead to a fleet of the clean-up vehicles tidying up Earth orbit.

Blatant untruth

President $thump got a boot up the bum when he tried to blame Ukraine’s lack of access to the Starlink satellite system on E. Musk, who owns it.
    Entirely $thump’s decision, Musk countered.
    The cut-off is in revenge for criticism of his deal to buy oil from Put’nstan and Ukraine’s attacks on the oil industry there following the Poisoner’s attempts to destroy Ukraine’s power system with winter looming.

Vanishing trick

Foreign-owned Royal Mail is going extinct. 400 posties a week are quitting over having to lug heavy parcels around and ignore letters.

It’s what they do

The wheels are coming of our prime mayor’s attempts to cover up his deals with the billionaire owner of Man. City FC when he was just the cosmetic mayor of Mancester. Taxpayer-funded loads to companies owned by someone with more money than Soft Mick, non-disclosuure of benefits receives, dodgy planning deals, etc.

One-target stings

Is it strange that ITV is going after Reform UK councillors who make unfortunate remarks but ignoring other policital parties? Or is political bias just what broadcasters do?

Not at all Britisch

Some Islamist preacherrs are claiming that men have a right to beat up a wife who dares to say “No!” to them. As usual, the police are assessing complaints but not actually doing anything.

More daftness

On the one hand, we’re told that family meals are silent affairs with everyone gawping at a pocket phone. On the other, some pundits would like us to believe that meals are occasions for furious rows about gravy – the recipe, the thickness, how it’s served, etc.

Job security issue

The self-styled experts are now claiming that the Badenuff Bounce delivered to the Tories by their leader is killing off the prospect of an early general election and hundreds of Labour MPs being binned.

Not bad

What’s the daftest thing a legal mouthpiece can complain to the judge about during a court case? How about scribes of His Majesty’s Press typing too loudly in the press gallery?

Not a good move

Joining in the green energy scams has cost BP £7.5 BILLION and counting.

Dead silence

Who was it who told our prime mayor that Put’nstan rigged the Brexit vote? Strange there hasn’t been a leak of such an essential piece of information.
● Was it the same person who told Thievin Reeves about the £20 billion Brown Hole in the accounts that she hadn’t been bovvered to check?

Today’s Questions

Are traditional British surnames ‘falling out of fashion’, as the Daily Disaster would have us believe? Or do the presence of foreign surnames like K’han’t in the top 10 of the most-frequent list just reflect the relentless invasion of migrants?

Mr. Sloppy

Something else to boot the prime mayor with: when he gets his fake tan done, he neglects to include his eyelids and looks even weirder than normal.

Mr. Dull vs Mr. Fantasy

The invisible Bier Smarmer is doing rather well out of the lack-lustre reign of Jonah Burnbum. Uncle Bier looks destined to go down in history as a towering genius when compared with his U-turning replacement, who has confirmed to us that he is a fool and very bad at lying.

Confidence @ Nett Zero

The Justice Sec. is getting a booting for barefaced lies. All early releases from prison will be tagged, he said. Nope. Proper safeguards will be in place. Nope, reoffending rates are sky high and he’s trying to hide the details until next January.
● Recalls to prison exceeded releases in January to March 2026.

Saturday West 2

The Lions travelled to Calgary. FG to start. One for the Stamps.  Great TD play by BC, 10-3. Goal line for the Stamps in Q2, Charge! 10-all. Bad snap, but a big gain for BC, not a disaster. Red zone, FG, 13-10. FG for the Stamps in the last minute.
    FG by Peredes in Q3, 13-16. Picked next time the Stamps were threatening but BC punted. A long FG try by the Stamps fell short. Wide open receiver, BC to the red zone, sack, FG try missed.
    All stop for a rabbit on the pitch just into Q4! FG for the Stamps, 13-19. TD pass from the BC 12, 13-25, no +2. BC picked off in the 12th minute. On to a Charge! for a TD, 13-32. Final. Wins by all 4 home teams this week.

Another doing U-turns

Both Republicans & Democrats are accusing Pres. $thump of betraying Ukraine after he put a block on a sanctions order against Put’nstan. One which he signed off on only last month.

One to stay away from

A new species of raptor dinosaur has been identified from a skull fragment found on the Isle of Wight. This has been expanded into a creature 5 feet tall with 8" talons on powerful arms.
    A picture on offer shows a creature with a grass green upper body and zebra stripes on arms, hindquarters, legs and tail.

Mr. Nasty Hippocrite

Current Foreign Sec. Edstone Milipede has approved an oil field off the Falkland Islands to nark Argentina. He continues to block exploitation of our North Sea reserves to nark the UK.

Saturday West 1

The winning Montreal Alouettes went to Regina on a gorgeous afternoon. First score, a rouge from a punt by the Als. Then a TD pass to a wide-open receiver, 8-0. In Q2, the RoughRiders kicked a 52-yard FG. They missed a 48-yarder with 2 minutes left to half time. The Als dashed to scoring range with a pick, FG, 11-3.
    Sack, punt for the Als in Q3. Scoring range for the RR, sack, FG, 11-6. Another sack by the Als to end Q3. Another rouge in Q4 after losing a FG to a penalty. A FG for the Riders, 12-9. They went out on 3rd & short with 3 minutes left. A FG try by the Als missed, 1:31 left. Red zone for the Riders, TD! 12-16. Final.

The Poisoner’s Pal

There is no doubt that Put’nstan does try to interfere here. But Jonah Burnbum’s silly story about them fixing the Brexit vote just builds up Put’n and makes the gullible think the Poisoner is more powerful than he actually is. That’s what the boss of MI5 is telling us.

Reasons to panic

Will A.I turn the common cold into a lethal virus? Will we not be bovvered about this if A.I kills all ATMs and makes everyone’s bank balance disappear?
    Some senior financial bods are already stashing bank notes at home, creating a potential burglar bonanza!

Nett Zero headroom

The IMF has given the Chancellor a boot up the bum with a warning that delaying reducing the UK’s national debt any more is just plain stoopid. A similar booting was delivered by the Gov. of the Bank of England.

Another U-turn for Jonah?

Labour MPs in the North and Midlands ‘Red Wall’ areas can see their job s going up in smoke if Jonah Burnbum sells us out to the EFU. Telling Leave supporters they were wrong, or manipulated by Put’nstan, and rejoining the EFU without another referendum is a non-started, the Wallers reckon.

Worra Dope

The Chancellor has been hit with a truth bomb over a scam to double capital gains tax to income tax level. He has been warned that this will make people avoid paying the tax all together and cost the Treasury BILLIONs.
    “Bat sh1t crazy” is the official Treasury view.

UK last

80% of new jobs created in the last decade went to migrants, and Labout MPs want more and more of them [migrants, Ed.]. The result has been the creation of a benefits bill on course to reach £136 BILLION this year.

Modern Dictionary

Efocet (n) the verbal equivalent of an Exocet missile.

A choice!

“British White Potato” is said on the supermarket’s bag of them. Crumbs! Are there green spuds and blue ones too for those who want something different?

Fair conclusion

“There is no secret plan to raise rates” said the headline on the financial page of a newspaper being recycled. But if there were, would the bastards tell us?

Could be verse

Although he seemed to be on song,
Jonah Burnbum got it wrong.
But there’s no need to cringe in fright,
His next U-turn will get it right.
And then the next reverse of track,
Will bring the course to wrong right back.

Misleading gadget

Anyone using a so-called smart watch to monitor their blood pressure could be deluding themself, the experts reckon after doing some tests.
    A watch isn’t up to the job of measurement in 50% of the cases examined, they found.

Protest tiers

A good way to upset the French government is to target protests against the state of schools and fuel prices. They’re not that bovvered about random ones, then?

Still going up

Esso petrol has sneaked up another 1p to 177.9p/litre. Diesel remains at 199.9p/litre, just below the notional barrier.

No taste but bad

President $thump is really good at creating outrage. His latest stunt was posting a video of himself ‘playing’ with a tiger created using A.I and having a really good time.

This week’s Big Mystery

Why has the Legend TV channel shopped adding sub-titles to its ancient shows? It can’t possibly have been getting as much mockery as that from the blunders on the Talking Pictures channel.

Change of subject

Our wonderful Labour government is getting the blame for what people moan about now. Forget the weather, it’s the costa living and the tax ‘n’ waste grabs.

Friday Fest 2

Next, the Blue Bombers travelled to Edmonton. The BB missed a FG to close Q1. Then they had to recover a fumbled punt return. Collards to the end zone, TD. A deep pass by Fajardo picked? Nope, DPI. FG, 7-3. BB pinned deep, pick by the Antlers, TD and the lead. End zone pass by the BB, 14-10. DPI by the Ants as the half ran out, Charge! for a TD, 21-10. Almost to the red zone with the kick off return, on to a TD, 21-17.
    Red zone for the Antlers in Q3, Fajardo in for a dive over TD. Add a rouge from the kick off, 21-25. FG for the Argos. Into Q4, a long FG by the BB hit the upright. Through for a kick by the Ants, 24-28. A pick by the Antlers. Red zone with time running out. Fajardo with a TD dive, 24-35. FG by the BB, 27-35. On-side kick try to the Antlers. The end.

Action replay

Back in 1978, the Tories were complaining that as the Soviet Union was building up its forces, the Labour government here was disarming at an alarming rate. Does that sound familiar? Must be what Labour always does.

Friday Fest 1

It was the Argos in the frosty nation’s capital to start Week 20. The RedBlack opener ended in a blocked punt and a TD for the visitors!  The RB were inside the 5, on to a TD, 6-7. Red zone again, FG, 6-10. Close for the Argos in Q2, TD, 13-10. FG for the RB and level. One for the Argos. QB dashes got the RB close, TD and a 16-20 lead. Seconds left, HUGE FG, 16-23.
    Sack, fumble, RB ball in Q3. Sack, FG miss for a rouge, 16-24. Bomb pass to the end zone, +2, 24-all! 51-yard FG for the RB; In Q4, inside the 5 for the RB, TD, 24-33. End zone pass, TD Argos, 31-33. Pick by the RB in the 13th minute. DPI by the RB, Argos on to a TD +2 and a 39-33 win? Nope, a TD for the RedBlacks with 6 seconds left!!!! Their first win of the season!!!! 39-40.

Havoc by design

At a loose end, I read an article in the Daily Disaster about the government’s directive to industry to create Menopause Champions instead of turning the page. And the plan turns out to be based on bogus data!!
    It’s just a progressive cause with no science behind it. And something which will doom the employment prospects of women in their 40s and 50s.

Sure, it does

Any sort of their Italian pizza for £9.99, according to the TV ad. Does that apply to the 14-foot wide version?

Small spelling mistake

What President $thump actually promised was to make America grate again – as in slicing the country’s enemies down to small bitz. But due to the efforts of a cloth-eared rotten typist, that grate was transposed to great.

Could happen

Staff at the government disinformation service, OfCon, are threatening a strike over a pay claim for 6.2% in recognition of their increasing work load.
    The constant rewriting to keep up with the prime mayor’s U-turns is a source of stress. As is the need to do the work in a secure office environment rather than when shirking @ home.

Lengthy pause

A Reform UK government will shut down the asylum system for 5 years, Mr. Farage has announced. Not a tactic likely to win the votes of the legal grifters making a bomb out of bogus claims.
    But will that be enuff time to let the courts and the snivel service catch up with their monumental backlogs?

Freezer assaults

Hackers have sabotaged the freezers of around 400 supermarkets in France. Ancient remotely controlled systems were switched to defrost, spoiling food worth millions of euros. Put’nstan is the main suspect.

The axe wielded selectively

Heat pump grants, school refurbishments and road projects are going to get the chop to put a trickle of cash into the Defence Brown Hole. Nothing from benefits, of course. That’s going to be propped up via assaults on landlords and pensioners.

Not a one-man band

Is it really the fault of actor T. Cruise if his latest film is not being watched? Nothing to do with whoever wrote the script, the director and all the rest?
    Surely they deserve a share of a world record for a box office flopperooni?

Grrrrr!

The government has decided that it is more convenient to blame the non-event at RAF Fairford on Iran rather than the usual far-Right suspects.
    Foreign Sec. E. Milipede is trying to cover up cosying up to the Iranians at a do in New York with a display fo faux toughness.
    This is the bloke who can’t tackle a bacon buttie, so what chance does he have with a major terrorism sponsor?

What sort of super?

Are we entering an age of super-intelligence? Or is it just one of super-self-interest? Is it intelligent for machines to wipe out the creatures that supply them with power and maintenance? Or is killing off humans seen as doing away with potential rivals by these essentials?

Issues dodged

The government is still letting the IRA and lawyers with dodgy claims rewrite history via its redone Troubles Bill. Failing the military in every way possible is written into Labour’s soul?

Another fantasy

Is the world really watching the trial of R. Brand, whoever he is? Or has the Daily Disaster caught a dose of Burnbum’s Disease?

No barrier unburst

Was there a sonic Moob (the opposite of a Boom) when Esso diesel retreated 2p to 199.9p/litre? We didn’t hear one. Petrol is still 176.9p/litre.

A prethetic liar

Shock, horror! Put’nstan rigged the 2016 Brexit vote to get us out of the EFU, an investigation by the Jonah Burnbum Detective Agency discovered.
    Relax. He’s done a U-turn and admitted he made it up.

More screwed than doomed

According to the boss of MicroSoft, washing machines and milk have more safety rules and inspections than the outfits building A.I assassins. The ‘dead in a decade’ mob are clearly nutters but can we trust the politicians we have to protect stuff like vital data and infrastructure? Especially with the Chinese building a kill switch into everything.

Vintage UNCLE

“Oh, this is a heron; I thought it was a damon,” the subtitles to the Man From UNCLE offered. What the lady who kept finding dead blokes in toilets on a train going from Vienna to Venice said was: “Oh, this is a Herren; I thought it was a Damen.”
    Whoever did the titles was clearly out to lunch.

You choose

Is the UK in a Doom Loop thanks to Labour’s serial incompetence, or is it in a Flop Plop? Vote early, vote often!

Worth a try

The Enviromint Agency is chasing a world record – it has just declared a drought in Yorkshire in October.
    Who’s got their rain?

Oh, really?

The bloke busted for murdering the former MP A. Widdecombe is now being positioned as Britain’s first Left-wing terrorist killer, which imcludes the implication that other terrorist murders are by Right-wingers.
    More dodginess from the brigade of looney Left apologists.

Not convinced

Has the American TV serial Dexter (2006-13) really inspired copycat serial killers? Or is it just being used as an excuse by the legal trade to get leniency for the depraved, who don’t kill bad guys, like the TV monster?

Forlorn hope

What is it with Jonah Burnbum? Does he assume everyone else has a case of instant amnedia? And if he sez on Tuesday the exact opposite of what he said on Monday, no one will notice?

No win, in a bin

Mr. Alias is suddenly Mr. Deadleg after failing to win Bier Smarmer’s old seat in a bye-election. The green grotters are now yelling that he should never have been made their leader, even though it were them wot did it.

Think again

If you were hoping to take a trip to the Yorkshire Wildlife Park, forget it. The place is still closed on ’elf & safety grounds. The identity of the bloke who climbed two fences to pick a fight with a tiger and lost has been revealed. He has a long history of mental illness.

Trend spotted

If the last 2 budgets were disasters, and it’s the same old Labour lot still in charge, is there any reason to think the next one won’t be another disaster? The smart money is going on another duck egg.

Not a priority for him

The French have spotted that our cosmetic prime mayor is a mug. They are credited with stopping half of the small boating attempts when Bier Smarmer was our figurehead. That’s down to one-third with Jonah eager to toss even more cash at them.

Enterprising!

There’s a website that sells sick notes for 44 quid to bogus asylum seekers who want to avoid meeting a Home Office minion. This postpones getting another call to present a dodgy claim for several months. There are lotz of other soursces of the sick notes racket, which can be used multiple times.

Oversight needed

The Health Department is going to crack down on the private clinics which are making a bomb out of the autism industry. They are currently not regulated but that will change.

The Not Pleased prize

The Nobel Peace Prize has gone to a judge who made a living in the UN ’uman rights industry. Giving her the prize was a grotesque weaponization of the award, which legitimizes anti-Israel hatred and prejudice by endorsing the judge’s view that writing off 74,000 Gazans constitutes genocide.
    That’s what the Israeli regime thinks, anyway.

Today’s Question

Q: What happens when President $thump declares a cease-fire between Ukraine and Put’nstan?
A: Put’nstan continues to attack Ukraine’s energy network and kill civilians.

Today’s Explanation

Digital was supposed to make life so much easier – what went wrong? We got the middle digit.
OR We got the first 2 digits waved vigorously.

More schmustice

The boss of the Met is not at all thrilled by Labour’s rush for criminal votes via early release from gaol. His officers are having to deal with over 100 breaches of tag conditions per day by bad guys who know they face no penalty.

Separation factor

Lotteries are in trouble with the equalities mob. A really big win makes married women want to shed their husband. Men, on the other hand, want to stay married or get married.
    A big win has no effect on the relationships of single women.

White man’s fault, of course

Wild fires in Australia are all the fault of Captain Cook, who found the place in 1770. Colonists from England created forests and their descendants are too dim to manage them and prevent accululation of combustible debris.

Premature definition

The autism racket operated by schools and the welfare system is steering kids to the Benefits Bucket and unemployment, a major assessment has found. The review found no real increase in the number of autistic children but the private sector taking cash from the NHS is hoovering it up and advertising for customers.
    A focus on the actual needs of kids is required rather than slapping a one-size-fits-all label on them.
    There is no biological test for autism – it’s just an opinion.

Cute TV ad

ALDI is the only place where everything in the supermarket is price-matched to . . . Aldi. Get out of that!

File under ‘M’ for Moot

Do human beings, including violent criminals, have an ‘inherent dignity’? The concept of built-in dignity appears to be on offer mainly by those seeking to exploit people, particularly those motivated by the likes of religion and politics.
    It’s certainly not a reason for preventing society from being protected from defectives with no regard for others.