The popular opinion

Maybe head teachers should have to pass an annual reality check so that if they stop their quota of kids from wearing a jumper after the school winter term, they can be dumped into a dole queue as a failure.

An artist of talent

The portrait of Thievin Reeves, for which we paid three grand, is being praised because it captures ‘the essense of someone who hasn’t a clue what to do next’.
    Which sounds spot on.

Parting shot

The Lords have frustrated a Labour plan to let the government order pension funds to put cash into its fave projects. A useful contribution to the nation, which is likely to decrease now that hereditary peers have gone and only a majority of party hacks and deadlegs remains.

Worth a try?

Someone billed as a house whisperer has to be out of the same box as a bloke who reckons he can make a woman’s boobs bloom by hypnotizing her. Or could the lady whisperer be just the person to drop a hint to subsonics-emitting old pipes and get them to shut the FK up?

Myth mangled

According to experts in Alberta, haunted houses are more likely to have ancient plumbing than a ghost. Low frequency vibrations in ancient pipes cannot be heard by humans but they can be sensed and have an adverse effect on someone’s sense of well being.

Ginger Crunch

The Angular Robot lobby is in full ‘nowt happened’ mode after she clobbered a door of Parliament’s Strangers’ Bar after a heavily taxpayer-subsidized boozing session and the door had to be removed for repairs. Not at all prime ministerial conduct! After all, how many doors has Bier battered?

Double think

The housing minister thinks freezing private rents will lose Labour votes in the local elections and shove rents up. The Fantasist Thievin thinks it will win votes for Labour. All bases covered, then?