A 3-times winner, so he sez

President $thump is nothing if not a trend-setter. He’s promising a $5,000 dividend cum bribe to the voters if the Republicans come out on top in the looming mid-term elections.
    Despite what the Democraps will tell you, offering this sort of ‘helicopter money’ to the people of the Untied States is nothing new. All $thump has done is big it up.

Foreign friends

Iran and the Hamas have given Jonah Burnbum and Edstone Milipede two cheers for the sanctions imposed on goods produced by Israeli invaders in the occupied West Bank. The move is supported by France and Canada as a response to the harassment and murder of Arabs in the area.

More grabbing

The latest kick in the teeth for the economy is a holiday tax. It will be an overnight visit levy imposed by Burnbum regional mayors at 5% in Labour areas.

Monstrous bump

This week, Esso petrol locally is now 173.9p/liter and diesel has shot up 6p to 199.9p/litre.

Stompers!

A survey commissioned by recyclers found that one-third of the respondents get into a wheelie bin to stomp on the contents to pack them tighter.
    Looks like councils are wasting too much cash on expensive frivolities and daftness, and not doing as much waste collection as they should.

Anticipation trip

Why is Labour so upset about the big bucks going to Reform UK? Because the party bosses are worried about what investigations and opinion polls will tell the world about what goes on in Labour’s dark corners.
    Hence the move to ban the donations retrospectively with parliamentary shenannygoats.

Ooops!

Okay, so the doombuggers are convinced that A.I could maybe might wipe out humanity in the next decade. What then? A.I gadgets hacking one another and seeking total world domination?
    But what are they going to do when the electricity grid fails or their cooling water develops a leak?
    Apart from croak.