Universally unconvincing

Are we reassured by being told by the housing minister that dwellings in the south of England are in no danger from Iranian missles? And Israel is exaggerating the threat for its own devious purposes?
    Probably no more reassured than if whoever is the defence minister told us this, given the general quality of Smarmer’s Army.

Not helping

Argos is being booted for creating a wooden toy influenzer kit which lets kids as young as two pretend to take selfies and make self-promoting videos.
    It’s something which a charity advocating a phone-free childhood thinks is dangerous to mental ’elf and acquiring relationship-building skills.

Not a total game-changer

A study of clinical trials of fat-jabs has found that 10% of the customers are ‘non responders’, who don’t lose a significant amount of weight.
    O’besity, the experts say, has multiple causes and fat-jabs address just one of them.

Asking for it

If you sit next to President Thump, you have to be prepared to be dropped right in it. Like his self-proclaimed war minister, Petey Hegseth, who found himself getting the blame for suggesting an attack on Iran to President Thump and starting all the current bother.

How convenient

Cover-up Bier is at it again. His former chief of staff’s text messages to the Mandelsleaze have disappeared mysteriously thanks to a convenient phone theft. Bier is getting no mercy from the mockers over this latest gap in the promised Mandelsleaze Revelations.

Another scandal

How do you do 5 days’ work in 4 days for 5 days’ pay? 10% of the snivel service are using a scam called compressed hours arrangements.
    Which is what? Travel time, tea breaks and a lunch break all classed as work hours to make up the required number?

A matter of interpretation

Another could, maybe might is on offer from some historians. After seeing off the King of Norway at Stamford Bridge in 1066, King Harold’s army might not have spent 3 days marching south to face the Normans at Battle, near Hastings.
    The army might have sailed aboard Harold’s fleet to the south coast to face these invaders. Or not.