Translation problem

“Chi puds? What are they?” asked the English detective. “Some dessert that fuels your psychic energy?”
    “What he said was ‘cheap hoods’,” said his American ally.

That will work

The government, which is driving huge numbers of people mental, has put Elf Sec. Pixie Balls in charge of opening hundreds of Mental Elf Centres across the country. No word on the cost and where the cash will come from, of course.

Very well qualified

There is a sound argument for moving the Cambridge academic who tied himself in knots over his CV to the Treasury. The bloke seems to have at least as much imagination about his past as Thievin Reeves.

Super sport

It was the RedBlacks versus the RoughRiders on a beautiful summer Fritay nite. First points to the home team, a FG. Then the RB fumbled the ball away! Only to be picked right off! A FG from their next drive? Short. A RB punt was blocked but a penalty on the RR wiped out a visit to the RB end zone.
    The RB drove into Q2, Charge! to a TD, 6-3. Nearly an RB TD, out on downs. A FG with 2 minutes left got the RR to 6-all. Then a TD in the last minute and 6-13.
    A wrestling match at the goal line gave the RB a TD, +2, 14-13. One for the RR to reclaim the lead, +2, 14-21. Back for another to start Q4, 14-28. A pick stopped the RB. The RR were unstoppable on the way to another TD, 14-35. One for the RB with 4 minutes left, 20-35. An on-side kick try was fielded by the RR. Another TD for them, 20-42 final.

Non-News

1. BBC TV attention-seeker yells at FIFA boss Infantino in Colombia. Ignored.
2. 5th heat wave to come next week with temperatures of 135 deg.C. Or something.

Would it work?

It has been suggested that there should be a national database for whingers who complain about harmless trivial, such as a streaker on the football field of a model village. This would work only if the whingers had to pay for the service in order to spare the taxpayer the burden of funding attention-seekers. It might even be profitable if the participation fee is set high enuff.

What drought?

If England has gone brown, one of my correspondents asked, why is there green grass, mare’s tails and other unwanteds thriving in the gaps between the paving slabs in his back garden?