Get real

Some wiseguy was asking why we don’t have a fleet review at Spithead like the ones we had in the good old days. Probably because with so much of the fleet in repair yards, it could be done on a handy duck pond.

Weird concept

President Thump is reported to have had an 80th birthday bash involving a cage fighting event, which sounds rather boring. After all, how much fighting can cages do?
● The ‘sport’ has been described as humangle cockfighting with the emphasis on the ‘mangle’ rather than the ‘human’.

And again

Another U-Turn from Bier – a ban on under-16s using 10 anti-social meeja platforms. Maybe sometime next year. And also a curfew for 16- and 17-year-olds, even though Bier thinks they’re responsible enuff to have the vote.
    He wants to replace a status quo that isn’t working with another quo which won’t work either.

Not creaky, no way

President Thump, now 80, doesn’t drop off to sleep in meetings and at events. He just does long blinks. Ones which can leave him with his eyes closed for incredibly long periods of time, which gives annoying photographers lotz of chances to snap him like that. He also closes his eyes as a signal that he wants to get the hell out of something boring.

Beware!

If storm troopers kick your door down and wreck your electric towel rail, it will be part of Edstone Milipede’s Nett Zero scam and done in the name of reducing demand on the windmills and solar stations which can’t keep the lights on.
    Gas fires, storage heaters and underfloor heating systems are also at risk of extermination by Mad Milipede.

Trying it on

A sports centre receptionist who is training to be a vicar got a flea in his ear when he tried to sue his employer for being given Sunday shifts. The tribunal was told that he had actually asked for work on Sundays, so no compenbluddysation!

Blame where it belongs

The Office for Notional Sadistics is blaming Thievin Reeves, the Fantasist of the Exchequer, for putting the country on the road to recession with her tax grabs. The economy can expect a summer of sluggishness. And an autumn of recession?