Nothing to cheer about

The experts are predicting that the Budget in October will affect growth in very postcode – it will drive it down or snuff it out.
● Bingo halls as well as bookies will be taxed out of existence to raise unemployment statistics.

32 lost deposits

One thing the Clacton bye-election achieved was a world record for the size of the ballot paper – it was three feet long. Not easily scrunched through the slot in the lid of a standard vote collecting receptacle.
● Q: Why is it called a bye-election?
A: Because most are just bye-bye to taxpayers’ money.

Also not gonna happen

Why isn’t seawater collected in reservoirs and to provided to flush toilets? a Daily Disaster reader asked.
    Imagine the Godzillions of pounds the infrastructure needed would cost. And all the salt water leaking into the landscape to kill off plant life.

Fact vs Fantasy

NHS England has calculated that Labour’s target of reducing the waiting list from 7.2 million to 3.5 million won’t be reached in 2029, as guaranteed.
    A much more realistic figure, given the present reduction rate, is 2067.

Faux moral outrage

The people-smuggler gangsters are accused of not caring a jot about their customers and being interested only in the money they make out of clients. But why would they care? They are evil and vicious criminals, after all.

Clear political bias

We were told that the election to make Nigel Farage the MP for Clacton again cost the taxpayer £250,000. Which means that the Burnbum election in Makerfield plus the one for a replacement Manchester mayor have to have cost us well over half a million quid. Odd that this was never pointed out.

Trades Descriptions Act territory

Maybe I was a little harsh on the 97-year-old lady who got the world record for being the oldest female wing-walker a week or so ago. The $6 Million Man got a job doing this last night but he was just strapped to a frame on the top wing of a biplane, like the lady, and there was no actual walking involved.
    All Steve did was wave his arms about a bit when the plane was blasting out a smoke trail.
● Mr. Austin did actually also do a bit of kneeling on the lower wing; stationary; at the end of the episode for variety.