Pay up, you rats!

The Labour party should pay the entire cost of the bye-election in Makerfield as it is totally unnecessary and solely for Labour’s convenience. Either the whole party or the supporters of A. Burnbum, who will be the principal beneficiary if Reform UK doesn’t get in his way.

Painful!

The Neanderthalers in southern Russia had dentists 60,000 years ago, experts are claiming. That’s the conclusion from a tooth and stone tools found in a cave in the Altal Mountains.

Fear Factor

If you are in a crowded lift, you are entitled to feel uneasy, the experts reckon. Elevator manufacturers have failed to update the maximum number of occupants allowed for decades to take account of the o’besity epidemic. Thus stuck lifts are liable to become even more common.

Not so wellbeing

Those who climbed the social ladder from the working class are less happy than those who started from the middle class, a survey by a charity has concluded.
    One theory would be that they have an inbuilt sense of grudge, which dilutes their ability to feel happy.

Are we braced?

The rat-dropping virus that blighted a cruise ship is being offered as the Next Big Threat by medical experts. The lengthy incubation period; around 2 months; meant that Patient Zero; now deceased; had plenty of opportunities to spread the virus, and so did his contacts.

Today’s Questions

Is Jonah Burnbum even more economically illiterate than Ms Thievin Reeves? Is that why the looney Left are so fond of him?

Kiss of death?

Bier Smarmer sez he’ll support the Labour candidate in the Makerfield bye-election – so that’s the stooge doomed?
● The election was called after the departure of Josh Simons, a Labour MP who had to resign in disgrace from a ministerial job after being found to have presided over a smear campaign against journalists who upset him.