Gherkin Budget flopped

The opinion on the budget is that it;s a nothing affair. It won’t reduce the costa living – that’s going up. It won’t make us safer. It won’t reduce the benefits bill – doing that was binned in yet another U-turn.
    And taxes are going up by £7 billion/year to buy benefits votes. And inflation and government borrowing are going up. And all cans remain kicked down the road.

Get out of that!

An alleged celebrity has come up with a novel way to blackmail the jeeja into not printing sex abuse allegations about him. That would endanger his life as he would top himself if it happens. Maybe. Possibly.

Council recycling clots

Back in the 1970s, there was a book created called Night Flowers which introduced the concept of Refuse Reclamation Centres to an imagined group of states. One bin for everything for the customers and everything sorted out at the RRC.
    Fifty years on, the council in Denbighshire in Wales is forcing residents to do the RRC’s job by loading them with 12 bins. And, no doubt, hoping to rake in fines for putting the wrong thing in a bin.

Vanity stroke fear project

Put’n the Poisoner has felt the need to surround his palace at Lake Valdal with 50 defence towers at a cost to his customers of 800 million quid! Such is his perception of the threat of drone attacks from Ukraine.
    Small snag. Ukraine is sending drones at targets of economic damage such as the oil industry and warehouses, not palaces.

Not only A.Is steal

Back in the 20th century, Labour was dismissive of the Thatcher Cupboard stocked with necessities. No surprise that our prime mayor has stolen the concept and dressed it up as being ready for Armageddon; well, 3 days of it, as an attempt to distract attention from the mess Jonah’s gang is making of everything.

How very sneaky!

Q; What happens when Labour starts a ‘back to work’ scam for the long-term unemployed with a target for the number of them to be recvruited?
A: The scam flops and the target has to be reduced retrospectively to make the failure look less obvious.

Today’s Observation

Headline in a newspaper being recycled: We need to eat more tomatoes to avoid getting a fatty liver. The next warning: one about the perils of reckless tomato scoffing?

Not going short

Over 10% of the NHS senile doctors who are threatening a strike are on over £200K per year. This is the gang that think they’re entitled to another 25% on their pay.
● Just 20% of the NHS consultants voted to strike. Half of them weren’t consulted and offered a chance to vote.

Burnt bum and cloth ears

Our prime mayor has been warned that allowing Europeons to come here unchecked under the EFU free movement scam would hike the benefits bill by over £2 BILLION/year. No sign that Jonah is listening.
    Not that he ever does.

100 Daze In Office

Our prime mayor is the sort of person who’s big on trivia, like noisy buggers on buses, but never has a workable solution to offer. And everything important gets can-kicked down the road so that no solution is needed.

Thursday Nite, Week 8

We got the Carolina Panthers @ the Pea Hockers, who fumbled away the kick-off return. Groan. CP sacked to a FG. Red zone for GB, on to a TD, PAT blown, 3-6. Panthers from the GB 1 to start Q2, TD.
    Another fumble to the Panthers. No damage. GB to the CP 1, TD, 10-13. A pick by the Pack. End zone drop. Next pass caught! Sack in 13th minute by GB.
    The Panthers stopped on 4th & 2 in Q3. Red zone for GB, on to a TD, 10-27. Panthers sacked to a 50-yard FG. GB drove into Q4, Love picked at the CP 1.
    Another sack by GB. 4th & 3 for the Panthers, dash to the end zone made. 19-27 in 10th minute. GB ate clock to the last minute. Pass and hope by the Panthers ended up in GB hands.

Rather rare event

Crumbs! Dr. Sloan diagnosed the murder of a transpicater in 1995. The deceased got himself rebuilt to look like a woman and tried to make a career out of shagging every bloke he used to know.

Credibility crisis

We have a Business Sec. who thinks cutting import duty on the likes of gherkins will make a dent in the government-created costa living crisis.
    40p per week is on offer to gherkin fans, according to the government – something which will be swallowed up in retailers’ operating costs.

Costa plenty

Israel and President $thump have cost British motorists £10 BILLION in excess fuel charges thanks to their ineffective war against Iran.
    £1.75 billion of that has gone to the Treasury to buy benefits votes via VAT.

Another excuse for convict liberation

Unshiftable bedbugs have been added to the list of excuses for why gaol calls cannot be used.
    Getting on for 4,000 cells are empty due to damage, asbestos, damp, rising radon gas, etc. and nothing much is ever done to rectify the problem.

Stop the rogues

The pensions minister, P. McFadden, is gearing up to ban the firms which take cash off people for getting them onto the Pension Credit climb.
    Up-front fees or 20% of the take is their price. Thousands of these claims per year are now being made, sometimes without the knowledge of the pensioner concerned.

Today’s Conclusion

If our prime mayor wants an ‘honest’ discussion about Betraying Brexit and letting Europeons come here unchecked, then that rules him out of participation.
    Wot we’ve seen thus far suggests he doesn’t have an honest bone in his body if he’s going back on his election guarantee in Makerfield about respecting the Brexit vote.

Early start

It has been November 5th for well over a week now. Not every night but there have been bangs and whooshes after dark on most of them. Fortunately, the Mansion cat manages to be indoors and usually asleep somewhere when the Fawkes clones are at it.

The right move

Marine Le Pen, the leader of the National Rally party in France, seems to be positioning herself as everyone’s favourite granny in her publicity pix. She’s the person to tackle the naughty boys who are wrecking the joint, not the hapless President MacRon.

Still failing

Our prime mayor failed to put an end to rough sleeping when he was mayor of Manchester. He’s failing to do it nationally now. So he’s chucking another £432 million of borrowed cash down this Brown Hole.

Pushing it

Want something to moan about? How about watching cartoons made in the last 90 or so years and moaning that only 25% of them have a female leading character?

Streeting deadline

Our Defence Sec., Wee Streeting, has given the government an ultimatum. We have until July 2029 to prepare for the coming war with Put’nstan.
    No wonder the present Chancellor ducked out of Wee’s job, knowing there was no way he could deliver anything useful.
    No doubt he wants us to think it was a rather clever tactical retreat which will keep his career plodding along; and his nose in the trough.

Back at yer

Britain’s largest Jewish group has taken a reciprocal swipe at the green grotters. The Board of Deputies has had a vote and declared the grotters responsible for giving prejudice against Jews a political licence.
[Wait till the Sheriffs get stuck into the grotters! Ed.]

The delusions spread

Jonah Burnbum thinks he can get away with Binning Brexit and sliding Britain back into the EFU’s single market via what amounts to an Executive Order rather than holding a referendum to legitimize the betrayal.

Ears of cloth

The Man From UNCLE subtitles provided their usual amusement. Illya crayon – the other Man from UNCLE. Then “No 1st May leave” for “No one may leave”. Sheesh! Later, Illya became area.

Talking tripe

The Brag: The Chancellor claimed he was going to help entrepreneurs build their business and grow the economy.
The Reality: His department’s Entrepreneurship Tsar found she was being sidelined and treated as a side-show, and quit.

Everyone on it soon?

The Metropolitan Police have been forced to drawn up an ‘ignore list’ for breaches of tagging conditions for criminals in the London area in response to Labour’s early release scam.

Nothing useful to say

Q: What do you get when the prime mayor calls for a ‘national resilience conversation’?
A: He thinks that’s job done and slopes off to do more cute internet stuff and there’s no actual chat.

Dodging the difficult stuff

HMRC has written off £13 BILLION due to the collapse of businesses under Labour. Wot does the prime mayor do? Go on TV doing his imitation of the two puppets in the Twix advert.

Budget Verdict

Inadequate and deliberately vague. Power costs to rise by £500 next year, £100 on offer to some. No one surprised.

Nett Zero due diligence

The Irish government had to rush into denial after videos made at public expense were seen as trying to equate grandparents with paedophiles. Woke, indeed.
● The Irish Republic is now being condemned as a sewer of anti-Semitism, where they hate Israel almost as much as the UK and fossil fuels.

Battered, but not quite broken

Brighton has been selected as the image of what Labour government does. The iconic pier was closed to the public in 1975 and left to be battered to bitz by the weather because the council didn’t dare demolish it. It has been wrecked a bit more by Stiorms A & B.
    The fact that some of it is left is a tribute to the Victorian builders in the 1860s, long before Labour was invented.
● Brighton also offers the tourist the opportunity to view holiday apartments owned by government ministers and wonder how many millions of taxpayers’ money were blown to buy the favours needed to raise the purchase price.

Talk, snag, inaction

The Education Sec., not the world’s brightest spark, sez a 4-day week and more pay for teachers in state schools is a good idea.
    Told it can’t be done, she reduces it to a target. Can kicked successfully down the road.

File under ‘F’ for Fail

Wot was our posturing prime mayor doing on the Channel 4 show Celebrity Gobbledegook? He’s not a celeb. He’s just a clueless attention-seeker.

Something to look forward to

The alleged energy regulator, OfGem, is getting its alibis in place for running out of gas and the lights going out if we have a very cold winter. Meanwhile, the Labour loonies are working at pace to halve our gas storage capacity, which is only about 4 days at present.

Bad mistake

The law firm at the forefront of the campaign by Henry Sussex Windsor and others to shut down the Daily Mail has gone broke.

Pay up, or else

The senile doctors’ union is recycling the various legends used by their juvenile counterparts during their 3 years of industrial inaction. The Seniles don’t want to go on strike [yeah, right] but they want 25% more to get back to where they were ages ago and anyone who wants to see their arithmetic is a rotter.

Wot nice people

No surprise that the yoof wing of the green grotters is urging spoilt brats here to take to the streets for some lootin’ and arson about like what’s happening across the Channel. Smash, bash, grab is the new Green Way.

Madam Deputy Speaker . . .

Everything backed by this budget. That’s backed into a corner. No one surprised.

More battering to come

The Met Office is working at pace to inflict another winter storm upon us. This one will have a friendlier name, Chloe, than A&B got.

Thief’s paradise

Police budget cuts and early release of persistent criminals has sent the number of recorded crimes crashing through the notional 7 million ‘barrier’.
    The number is rather meaningless, though, because of the numbers of crimes not reported and not recorded by the cops.

The lights WILL go out

The Labour plan for wrecking the joint is going so well that the government is advising everyone to have at least 3 days’ emergency supplies stashed for a big shut-down of everything.
    The Defence and Security bods were accused of having shares in a wind-up radio manufacturer when one was included in the essentials list.

One toe on the line

The Energy Sec., Ms Fahncypants, has been bludgeoned into giving the Home Sec. a little support for her immigration plans, on which Labout has been slushily soft. Not any great achievement with the prime mayor diluting them furiously.

Money-go-round

Banks are going big on A.I and shedding human jobs by the thousands. Customers are advised to keep a stash of cash for when bad software or criminals make the system crash. Advice that burglars will take note of.

Get out of that!

Glasgow Life has taken mummies off display in Kelvingrove. Why? Coz they don’t have documented consent from the deceased or their exors to put the remains on show.
    Wokeosaurus, or what!
● Another museum in Glasgow, run by the same charity, has followed this sorry lead.

Labour’s economy wrecker

No surprise that trade unions are already abusing the powers granted to them by Angular Robot before they become law. The right to jackboot into a business even if it has no deal with a union, huge fines and endless quango red tape in prospect.

Action? Yeah, right!

The culture vulture secretary in Scotland is getting a booting for doing a Burnbum. She promised to get on with planning to restore Glasgow’s twice burnt-out School of Art building. But she seems to have kicked the can down the road, Jonah-style.
● The speed with which the French got the wreck of Notre Dame cathedral fixed up is being used to underline the useless-ness of the Scottish government.

Not a nice place to visit

The French police are in danger of running out of tear gas and stun grenades as far-Left manipulators continue to encourage thieves and arsonists onto the streets all over the country.

What next?

Apparently, the prime mayor’s first 3 months in the job have been all about resetting political expectations. Okay, we know know for sure that he’s clueless and he sees every can as something to kick down the road. Where do we go now?

Budget Disaster

Everything that could have been got wrong has been. Healey lives up to his name. No cans in sight, all kicked down the road. No one surprised. PM waggles eyebrows on internet.
Alternative title: Putin the ‘sad’ into sadist

Wrecking the joint

The head of the London Stock Exchange reckons that the take-overs of British companies by foreigners poses a threat to national security. Labour’s constant tax and waste agenda prevents companies from growing here and exposed them to being snapped up by foreigners enjoying a more business-friendly regime.
    This is typical of Jonah, who brings disaster to everything he touches and, devoid of ideas himself, is shameless about misappropriating those of others.

Same scam, same flop?

Oh, dear. Someone has recalled that our prime mayor’s Big Idea of spot fines for noisy buggers on buses and trains was stolen from tony b. liar. No one believes he will make it work either.

Not a smart buy

Vitamin gummies are a racket, we have been told. Mugs are paying well over the odds for attractively packaged stuff when conventional tablets deliver higher doses of essential vitamins and minerals at a fraction of the gummy cost.

Back to Square 1

Drinking 6-8 cups of tea per day will help you live forever, is almost the message from one gang of experts.
    No it won’t, say other experts. The conclusion is based on dodgy data.

A cause of it

The lawyers making a mint out of the migration racket are hoping to take the UK to the Euro court of ’uman bluddy rights. Wot for this time? To get compenbluddysation for our part in causing the gorbal warmage which creates the storms that stop their customers from crossing the Channel to the Benefits Wonderland.

That’ll larn ’em!

Killers who refused to be in the dock to listen to a judge ranting at them and delivering a gaol sentence will be dealt with severely. Three whole weeks in solitary!!! Gosh! The ’uman bluddy rights mob will be up in arms over that!

The voice of vested interest?

Trichologists in Italy have decided that Lisa Gherardini, a.k.a. Mona Lisa, had alopecia and she was going bald. This conflicts with other experts who reckon that her lack of eyebrows and eyelashes was just the fashion of the age.

Now we know

From the 1930s, MI-5 was busy watching the Labour party, which was full of commies, including the saintly leader A. Bevan. Some of the active spies for the Soviet Union, safely dead, have now been outed, Cash, cigars and wine were popular payments.

The only colour is bleak

Labour shoved the national debt through the 3 trillion quid ‘barrier’ effortlessly and without a trace of a sonic boom this month and hiked inflation up to 3.5% Taxes, mortgages and everything else to go up?

Opaque on transparency

Our prime mayor is being economic with the truth again; this time on how many freebies he enjoyed from the foreign owner of Man City FC. The next bit of economy is expected to be about what he’s hiding.

Meeting 194

That’s how many times the Packers have played the Lions. Inside the Detroit 5 for the Pack, FG, botched. Red zone for the Lions, TD dive. 4th & 2 made by the Pack, red zone, TD, 7-all. Into Q2, FG for the Lions. GB stopped close. Detroit out of a hole to a fumble inside the GB 10.
    In Q3, another fumble to GB. All the way to a TD, 14-10. TD in reply by the Lions. Detroit out on downs with a minute to go.  Big pass by Love picked in Q4. Long FG for GB and 17-all. Lions out on another 4th down. Another GB FG try tipped wide. FG by Detroit with 1 second left, 17-20. Groan.

Work not shirk

No surprise that their union has called NatWest bank’s decision to make staff go to the office at least twice a week instead of skiving at home for all of it ‘a kick in the teeth’.

Yawn

Why is the BierBC doing ‘live’ coverage of Wednesday’s budget from 9 a.m. when most MPs aren’t out of bed then? Just a load of waffle and pointless speculation will be on offer for several hours. Not something that bovvers the Beeb, apparently.

Don’t add up

We are being ordered to put the address in the bottom half of an envelope. So how come all official correspondence from government and council departments puts it in a box in the top-left corner?

Last Saturday West

Finally, the Edmonton Antlers in Regina. Red zone for the Ants, Charge! from the RoughRider 1, TD, PAT try missed, 6-0. Sack by the RR after 9 minutes. FG by the Riders in Q2. A pick by the Ants, out on downs. A Charge! by the Riders got them a TD,  the PAT was a terrible miss, 6-9.
    Lotz of defence in Q3. The Ants lost a TD to a penalty. The Riders collected a fumble. Red zone in Q4, almost a TD, DPI, Charge! TD Riders, 6-15, no +2. Lotz of defence, and a rouge from a punt for the RR, 6-16. A fumble recovery got them nothing. A FG for the Antlers, 9-16 final.

Nett insanity

The storms underline the folly of Edstone Milipede’s narcisistic posturing. Power stations are connected to the national grid, windmills aren’t, especially those in the sea. Thus they need hugely expensive connection infrastructure.
    Also, they costa fortune and deliver Nett Zero electricity when they’re switched off coz the wind is blowing too fast.
    No wonder Labour has bumped electricity here up to lunatic prices.

Wheels off again

Booting for the prime mayor. He claimed he’s put a cap on fines imposed by cowboy parking lots, only to be told that his £100 was the existing cap, not something new, and the suggestion had been to reduce it to £80. Well, typical Jonah, claiming he invented something done by someone else.

Expensive frill

The government wastes £1.7 million on applying D.I.E. BS to prisons, claiming they are raysist. How strange that ‘inclusion’ doesn’t include keeping dangerous criminals behind bars.

Last Saturday East

We got the RedBlacks in Hamilton on s cloudless afternoon. The RB opened with a FG. One for the TigerCats. The RB took a bobbled punt return to midfield, sacked to a FG, 3-6. One back for the Cats at the end of Q1. Another FG for the RR in Q2. Then a pick stopped the Cats.  Nowt from it. Another pick to scoring range. On to a TD, 6-16.  Add more 3 FGs, 9-22 at half time.
    Another FG for the Cats in Q3, then they recovered a fumble. FG from it, 9-28. The RB were sacked to a punt, which was blocked, TC ball. On to another TD, 9-35.
    Gasp! TD for the RB in Q4. Close by the RB as time ran out, sack, still on to a TD, 22-35, a +2 try botched. The end.

Dead Ringer

Who did the president of Brasil remind me of when he was on the lunchtime TV news, posturing at a polling station? An elderly version of Boss Hogg of Hazzard County!

Today’s thought

A major indicator of the decline of Western civilization has to be the continued inclusion of cartoons of the respected scientist A. Einstein in adverts for ‘smart’ meters.

Good, that’s settled

The Chinese plague shambles was the fault of the then Health Sec., a non-medical political administrator. It was nothing to do with the experts who were offering contradictory advice and the likes of the snivel servants who were failing to do due diligence on PPI contracts, etc, etc.

His fault

They should have called Storm B Burnbum| to dump the blame for 2 severe blasts in quick succession where it belongs – on Jonah’s sorry arse.

Keep candles handy

Thanks to the Milipede Nett Zero BS, the country came to the verge of power blackouts multiple times during the summer as demand from cooling systems soared.
    We are now being warned that cold winter will make them inevitable. Stand by for lots of excess deaths and the government bods pretending it’s nothing to do with them.

Alternative fate

Yet another of them there experts has come up with another way for humanity to go when A.I systems take over. They might not wipe out all of us out. They might just keep some of the cuter specimens around as pets.

Land of the Unfree

Labour’s hand-outs to benefits fraudsters are big news across the pond. The US media are holding Britain up as a horrible example of what looney-left politicians can do to a sometime prosperous country.
    The faltering Republicans are saying only they can stop the same happening to the Untied States, pointing to the likes of the Democrap mayor of Noo Yawk and various congresspersons with the same agenda as our Labour lot.
● The loss of free speech in the UK and the agenda of biased police forces are also ishues for the Yanks.

Fat chance

Who is going to spend 5 minutes gawping at an advert for some load of rubbish during the hilites of the NFL’s Thursday Nite Football? ViewTube extracting the urine by the gallon!

Last Friday West

 Last Friday West
    24th October 2026

The Blue Bombers were in Vancouver. Bomb pass to the end zone after 2 minutes, TD for BC. A sack by each team. A fumble went to the Lions. BC got a stop on a 3rd and 1, Then a pick in their end zone. BC fumbled a punt away in Q2.
    The BB were picked in the BC end zone. FG for the BB with 2 minutes to go, one for the Als, 3-10 with 21 seconds left. A 54-yard try by the BB at 0:00 missed.
    In Q3, Collards was roughed and off, Brown on and fired a huge pass. Then a TD pass! 10-all. TD, 53 yards by Olivera a minute into Q4, 17-10. A pick gave the ball to the BB. Red zone, another TD pass by Brown, 24-10. FG with 2 minutes to go. Another TD for the Bombers, 34-10. Close by the Lions, but stopped at the BB 2 at 0:00.

The enemies within

No surprise that Labour has an infinite supply of deadlegs to put in the Energy Sec. job. The latest is poised to bin the Rosebank oil field; big and essential; if she isn’t booted into seeing sense.
● Ms Fahncypants is a typical hippocritial leftie who sent her kids to private school.

Some moderation

Esso petrol has crashed down to 173.9p/litre. Diesel remains at 199.9p/litre, just below the notional barrier.

Last Friday East

The Alouettes headed tor T’ronno. Red zone for the Als, Charge! From the TA 1 for a TD but the PAT missed. Bomb pass, one play to a TD for the Argonauts! 6-7. Sloppy finish to a drive, FG for the Als.
    Into Q2, huge FG for the Argos, 9-10. FG for the Als. FG try missed by the Argos. A miss by the Als in the 13th minute. Time enuff left for an Als TD, 19-10.
    A 47-yard FG for the Argos in Q3, then they stopped the Als with a pick. A takeaway by the Als, nowt from it. Another FG, 19-16 at the end of Q3.
    Red zone for the Als, TD in the 8th minute, 26-16. Another TD for the Als with 2 minutes to go. 33-16 final.

Problem being ignored

A review of schools has found that 20% of pupils have witnessed anti-Semitism, 60% of Jewish kids have experienced it and over 50% of all kids see no point in reporting it as nothing will be done.
    Agitation by Palestine Pals is getting most of the blame.

Missing the point

Good booting for the prime mayor over immigration from Mrs. Badenuss. Jonah is letting his looney left intimidate the Home Sec. into being soft on benefits scoffering migrants and claiming cosying up to the Europeon state is the answer.
    That’s the place where migrants and spoilt kids are wrecking the joint from Spain across to Germany.
    Meanwhile, Jonah’s main focus is quieter trains and buses rather than anything a prime monster should be doing.

Fleet shrinkage

The Royal Navy is retiring its small ships at a rate of knots. 8 of them will be gone by 2031. A government spokes offered some wibble about autonomous systems. Translation: it will all be done using drones.

Yet another betrayal

Labour is getting a booting for shoving through Parliament, a Bill aimed at weaponizing the law against troops to the benefit of the lawfare carried out by the IRA and the legal trade.
    The government is trying to put the blame on the Europeon ’Uman bluddy Rights stuff.

Something to look forward to

The commies, spoilt brats and Pal Pals in France are hoping to get riots going on our side of the Channel next month. They want students to hit the streets for arson around and looting on International Yoof Day. Groan.

Alternative future

A rise in bowel cancer in younger patients is being interpreted as a sign of early ageing onset by the medical trade. Is that going to kill off humanity and save A.I the bother?

Here we go again

What’s a good way to get all of the NHS staff out on strike? Offer everyone a 2.4% pay rise, way below inflation, in the 2027/28 financial year.
    The official response is that juvenile docs have had a pay rise of 35.2% over the last 4 years and their strikes wasted £3 billion, which would have given all NHS medical staff a 4% rise.
    This distraction ignores the fate of nursing and auxiliary staff.

Another waste of time

Our prime mayor’s pledge to silence noisy bastard phone users on buses and trains by making them wear earphones is collapsing in disarray. Who will enforce it? Silence.

Cloud-free

Relying on just Gooble’s cloud for data storage can be a huge mistake, banks and government services found this week. A power failure caused an outage and masses of outrage when information and internet services vanished for a while.

Rackety

It was certainly rather noisy last night. No doubt it was the fringe of one of those storms with a rubbish name due to human-caused gorbal warmage.
    How much is this going to cost us in switch-off fees to windmill spivs and fire-up fees to gas power stations?

No surprise

There’s nothing like creating expectations. The did-a-bunk Defence Sec.’s first Budget is expected to be worse than either of the disasters we got from Thievin Reeves!
    It will be just a work of fiction, full of never-to-be-delivered spending cuts.

The name is a giveaway

Anything called ‘smart’ isn’t. Thus no surprise that one-third of the speed cameras on ‘smart’ roads haven’t worked for a year.

On and on

The inquiry into the Chinese plague is now in its 4th year and it has blow £200 million. Most of it vanishing into the pockets of the legal trade? Politicians seem to be getting the blame for the failings of the medical ‘experts’.

Not to be trusted

The BBC has received a good booting for using government statisticians to create material for news broadcasts and reviews. They were also passed off by neglect as Beeb staff.
    Independence and transparency effectively compromised.
    Another part of the left-wing invasion? Well, wot can you expect if the Director General is busy building a satnav around bias? Which will do what? Help people with some anti-social bias to find others of the same ilk?

Moving on

More financial stability for women and flexibility in their lives is getting the blame for moving the traditional 7-year-itch breakdown of marriages to a 20-year-itch.

Ignore the facts?

Experts are claiming that 90% of the puffins around the British Isles will have gone by 2050. Global warming hitting their food supply is blamed.
    But this ignores the fact that A.I will wipe out humanity before long, and end gorbal warmage completely forever.

The pace of Labour government

Our wonderful government had to axe 24 new road-building projects to buy benefits votes. No one surprised.

Radical switch

Left-wing globalizers are getting the blame for the riots all over Europe. Does that mean the attempt to blame everything on a few right-wingers is hitting the buffers?

Expected reaction

Labour’s laws making it nearly impossible to tell tenants to leave a property have resulted in a spectacular rise in rent prices for new agreements. No one surprised.
    The supply of properties for rent is diminishing rapidly.

All talk

What happens when Labour sez it’s going to get tough with migrants? Absolutely nothing other than over 200,000 more aliens get leave to stay her and hoover up benefits.
    Angular Robot and the trade unions are getting the blame for obstructionism and overloading the taxpayer.

Today’s conjecture

If F-off means go away, what does the opposite, F-on, mean? Stay put? Works.

Extreme daftitude

Moray, the gem of North-East Scotland, has a councillor who has to travel 3,500 miles from his base in Cairo to visit his constituency. Definitely someone to blame for causing global warmage!

An explanation

If some little kids are taking 30,000 steps per day, could it be because their legs are very short and one step doesn’t actually get them very far?

No mystery

“I don’t think many working-class stories are being told”, sed a bloke when he got his name in the paper. Could that be because Labour is working at pace to abolishing working?

No big deal

A Norwegian teenager who was sent to the UK as a hit-man by Swedish stooges controlled by Iran has been sentenced to 20 years in gaol. He is expected to be out again by the end of this decade under Labour’s soft-on-crime agenda.

Goes with the job?

The bloke who was Sheriff of Nottingham until May, a Labour councillor, has been exposed as a bad guy who lived up to the reputation created for the post in the Robin Hood era.
    Blagging freebies and getting cut-price deals was all a result of inadvertently using his title, he sez.
    An alibi not available to our prime mayor when he was blagging freebies in Manchester.

Today’s Questions

Are we impressed by some journalists realizing that our prime mayor is a dud and not up to the job? Or are we too busy wondering what took them so long to spot his blatantly obvious dudness?
    This is a bloke who thinks he’s entitled to be the prime mayor. Nothing more than that in the way of qualifications.

Bluff works

How do you get to be the press secretary of the POTUS? Be a glamour chick and claim you’re a lawyer even if you didn’t actually pass your bar exam. You’ll get at least 5 days’ pay out of it.

Ignore the Law?

Female staff at Whitehall have been told that they will be done for unlawful harassment if they dare to complain about blokes using their toilets. And done for misconduct if they fail to use a transpicater’s personal pronouns.

Univeral lack of pearly purity

Reform UK is losing voter ratings to the Tories thanks to the relentless left-wing sleaze campaigns by politicians and the meeja. Good point from Tory defector R. Jenrick on the BBC: can our national broadcaster guaran-damn-tee that it won’t employ sex offenders and other nasties in the future? No, it can’t. Vetting can only go so far. And then there’s the conspiracy of silence in the meeja about Labour’s anti-Semitism.

Plenty of paint-work

The Japanese PM got a good booting on the interweb for claiming she works longer hours than a man because of all the time she spends slapping on make up. A topic which our own prime mayor would rather we ignore after all the speculation about his mascara and eye liner use.

Polytics

What happens when the IMF tells the Chancer of the Exchequer to cut welfare instead of grabbing more taxes? He shoves tax rates up to show what a tough guy he is. Even though tax rates are already hysterically high and cash flow out of the UK from the ‘jewel in the crown’ banking sector is inevitable.

Not a solution

It’s all very well for disaster preparers to stock a garden shed with food for when the wheels come off. But what do they do on that awful day when they find everything is well past the use-by date and they can’t get replacements?

Excellent question

Why does our prime mayor assume that Put’n the Poisoner got us out of the EFU, a Daily Disaster reader wondered. Correctly, as keeping us in would have done even more damage and destroyed our economy so much faster. Bad guys can fail. And politicians like Jonah will lie their head off.

File under ‘I’ for Invention

Oh, to be a snivel servant! It’s possible to have 5 full-time jobs with different departments, all funded by the taxpayer, and to get paid for working more hours than the 168 in a week.
    And get away with the fraud for years and years.

The U-turn made

President $thump will not be allowed to put the execution of a terrorist on the interweb in December. He has been told that cultivating an appetite for executions as entertainments is a Bad Idea and will lose him lotz of votes.

Not exactly a world record

Not one you’d want, anyway. NHS bosses have been working at pace to ban blokes claiming to be women from female spaces in hospitals. It has taken a mere 18 months to come up with guidelines after the High Court ruling on sex not ‘gender’. No rush to apply the guidelines, of course.

So much for transparency

Who was a Freebie Friend of Man City FC’s foreign owners? The city’s cosmetic mayor at the time. He’s supposed to have published a list all the presents he got but that hasn’t happened. No one surprised.

Very inventive

It would appear that Thames Valley Police bamboozled a judge with fantasy to get their search warrants for Prince Andrew’s gaffs back in February. And that’s why they were declared unlawful. But things are expected to be fixed retrospectively.

The titlers strike again

“The mountain . . . must come to my habit” was in the titles of an episode of Maigret. Makes a change from Mohammet.

Swipe Two

The Education Sec., boss of what is now the Department of Dope, claims to believe in the importance of clear communication.
    Small snag. Her speech on the subject was full of clichés and platitudes, and it had pretty well Nett Zero communication content.

We care

Our Foreign Sec., Wee Streeting, has ordered the US Defence Sec. not to abandon Ukraine on a jolly across the pond. The UK is having to bridge the missle gap left by the latest $thump tantrum.

No one sent home

Only the Labour party could give the job of Education Sec. to a woman who thinks ‘inclusion’ should be used to keep badly behaved kids at schools. Someone who wants the widen the narrow of what good is to include appalling.

Sunday Satisfaction

The Cowboys in Green Bay were stopped. GB got to the red zone, on to a TD. Cue an ad for something you can’t buy! A pick was battled to a TD by the Cowboys at the end of Q1? No, down by contact miles away. Into Q2 and a pick by the Pack. Inside the 10, just a FG, 0-10. A pick stopped the Cowboys. Charge! from the DC 1 in the last few seconds of the half. Ads before the replay, 0-17.
    Red zone for Dallas in Q3, to the 1, Charge! 7-17. Add a FG to the GB score, 7-20. Into Q4 after lotz of defence. Dallas out on downs. Red zone. FG, 7-21. Another pick? Roughing the passer, Dallas ball. 4th down made, red zone, no score. Close in the last minute, TD, no +2, 13-23, the end.

Sounds fair enuff

“The unique problem with A.I is that if it takes over, you don’t get a second chance”, one of the bods creating it reckons. So in that case, does doing in people like him count as an act of self-defence and something the Law can’t touch you for?

Today’s Explanation

Why does our cosmetic prime mayor get called Jonah Burnbum? It’s a consequence of being a liar, liar, with his pants on fire.

Extinction looms

Real would-be influenzers are finding they just can’t compete with the A.I ones. They have no hope of matching the sheer perfection of A.I generated images, and also their pretend access to places which human influenzers have no hope of invading.

Reckless endangerment

The decline of NHS dentistry means that speeders without a helmet on e-bikes and scooters face monster bills for private sector dental repairs after a good crash.

Today’s Q&A

Q: Why are they called subs?
A: Because they fall short of being a substitute for proper food.

Confidence loser?

Six years after Police Scotland promised to obey the then Lord Advocate’s command to have an independent review of all rogue coppers, it’s been binned secretly.
    Too much like hard work?

Unexpected bonus

The French government is expecting to make a tidy sum out of fines imposed on the rioters who have been busted for arson about, fighting one another as well as attacking the police and wrecking the joint all over the country.

Stoooopidity

What exactly is the point of online knowledge of Britain citizenship tests with Nett Zero supervision? Ones that can be taken by a substitute with access to Mr. Internet for answers? Who came up with that daft idea? The government or the snivel service?

Overdue

When are we going to get an investigation into the Put’nstani influence on the Makerfield confected bye-election which put a totally dozy dope into the real 10 Downing Street?

Doomed!

Everyone with a robot lawnmower is under threat of a) having to cut the grass themself if the Chinese operate the kill switch, or b) being killed by it if a homicidal A.I takes it over.

Dream on!

A British company, ClearSpace UK, has been awarded a £62 million contract to de-orbit a couple of dead satellites. The hope is that it will lead to a fleet of the clean-up vehicles tidying up Earth orbit.

Blatant untruth

President $thump got a boot up the bum when he tried to blame Ukraine’s lack of access to the Starlink satellite system on E. Musk, who owns it.
    Entirely $thump’s decision, Musk countered.
    The cut-off is in revenge for criticism of his deal to buy oil from Put’nstan and Ukraine’s attacks on the oil industry there following the Poisoner’s attempts to destroy Ukraine’s power system with winter looming.

Vanishing trick

Foreign-owned Royal Mail is going extinct. 400 posties a week are quitting over having to lug heavy parcels around and ignore letters.

It’s what they do

The wheels are coming of our prime mayor’s attempts to cover up his deals with the billionaire owner of Man. City FC when he was just the cosmetic mayor of Mancester. Taxpayer-funded loads to companies owned by someone with more money than Soft Mick, non-disclosuure of benefits receives, dodgy planning deals, etc.

One-target stings

Is it strange that ITV is going after Reform UK councillors who make unfortunate remarks but ignoring other policital parties? Or is political bias just what broadcasters do?

Not at all Britisch

Some Islamist preacherrs are claiming that men have a right to beat up a wife who dares to say “No!” to them. As usual, the police are assessing complaints but not actually doing anything.

More daftness

On the one hand, we’re told that family meals are silent affairs with everyone gawping at a pocket phone. On the other, some pundits would like us to believe that meals are occasions for furious rows about gravy – the recipe, the thickness, how it’s served, etc.

Job security issue

The self-styled experts are now claiming that the Badenuff Bounce delivered to the Tories by their leader is killing off the prospect of an early general election and hundreds of Labour MPs being binned.

Not bad

What’s the daftest thing a legal mouthpiece can complain to the judge about during a court case? How about scribes of His Majesty’s Press typing too loudly in the press gallery?

Not a good move

Joining in the green energy scams has cost BP £7.5 BILLION and counting.

Dead silence

Who was it who told our prime mayor that Put’nstan rigged the Brexit vote? Strange there hasn’t been a leak of such an essential piece of information.
● Was it the same person who told Thievin Reeves about the £20 billion Brown Hole in the accounts that she hadn’t been bovvered to check?

Today’s Questions

Are traditional British surnames ‘falling out of fashion’, as the Daily Disaster would have us believe? Or do the presence of foreign surnames like K’han’t in the top 10 of the most-frequent list just reflect the relentless invasion of migrants?

Mr. Sloppy

Something else to boot the prime mayor with: when he gets his fake tan done, he neglects to include his eyelids and looks even weirder than normal.

Mr. Dull vs Mr. Fantasy

The invisible Bier Smarmer is doing rather well out of the lack-lustre reign of Jonah Burnbum. Uncle Bier looks destined to go down in history as a towering genius when compared with his U-turning replacement, who has confirmed to us that he is a fool and very bad at lying.

Confidence @ Nett Zero

The Justice Sec. is getting a booting for barefaced lies. All early releases from prison will be tagged, he said. Nope. Proper safeguards will be in place. Nope, reoffending rates are sky high and he’s trying to hide the details until next January.
● Recalls to prison exceeded releases in January to March 2026.

Saturday West 2

The Lions travelled to Calgary. FG to start. One for the Stamps.  Great TD play by BC, 10-3. Goal line for the Stamps in Q2, Charge! 10-all. Bad snap, but a big gain for BC, not a disaster. Red zone, FG, 13-10. FG for the Stamps in the last minute.
    FG by Peredes in Q3, 13-16. Picked next time the Stamps were threatening but BC punted. A long FG try by the Stamps fell short. Wide open receiver, BC to the red zone, sack, FG try missed.
    All stop for a rabbit on the pitch just into Q4! FG for the Stamps, 13-19. TD pass from the BC 12, 13-25, no +2. BC picked off in the 12th minute. On to a Charge! for a TD, 13-32. Final. Wins by all 4 home teams this week.

Another doing U-turns

Both Republicans & Democrats are accusing Pres. $thump of betraying Ukraine after he put a block on a sanctions order against Put’nstan. One which he signed off on only last month.

One to stay away from

A new species of raptor dinosaur has been identified from a skull fragment found on the Isle of Wight. This has been expanded into a creature 5 feet tall with 8" talons on powerful arms.
    A picture on offer shows a creature with a grass green upper body and zebra stripes on arms, hindquarters, legs and tail.

Mr. Nasty Hippocrite

Current Foreign Sec. Edstone Milipede has approved an oil field off the Falkland Islands to nark Argentina. He continues to block exploitation of our North Sea reserves to nark the UK.

Saturday West 1

The winning Montreal Alouettes went to Regina on a gorgeous afternoon. First score, a rouge from a punt by the Als. Then a TD pass to a wide-open receiver, 8-0. In Q2, the RoughRiders kicked a 52-yard FG. They missed a 48-yarder with 2 minutes left to half time. The Als dashed to scoring range with a pick, FG, 11-3.
    Sack, punt for the Als in Q3. Scoring range for the RR, sack, FG, 11-6. Another sack by the Als to end Q3. Another rouge in Q4 after losing a FG to a penalty. A FG for the Riders, 12-9. They went out on 3rd & short with 3 minutes left. A FG try by the Als missed, 1:31 left. Red zone for the Riders, TD! 12-16. Final.

The Poisoner’s Pal

There is no doubt that Put’nstan does try to interfere here. But Jonah Burnbum’s silly story about them fixing the Brexit vote just builds up Put’n and makes the gullible think the Poisoner is more powerful than he actually is. That’s what the boss of MI5 is telling us.

Reasons to panic

Will A.I turn the common cold into a lethal virus? Will we not be bovvered about this if A.I kills all ATMs and makes everyone’s bank balance disappear?
    Some senior financial bods are already stashing bank notes at home, creating a potential burglar bonanza!

Nett Zero headroom

The IMF has given the Chancellor a boot up the bum with a warning that delaying reducing the UK’s national debt any more is just plain stoopid. A similar booting was delivered by the Gov. of the Bank of England.

Another U-turn for Jonah?

Labour MPs in the North and Midlands ‘Red Wall’ areas can see their job s going up in smoke if Jonah Burnbum sells us out to the EFU. Telling Leave supporters they were wrong, or manipulated by Put’nstan, and rejoining the EFU without another referendum is a non-started, the Wallers reckon.

Worra Dope

The Chancellor has been hit with a truth bomb over a scam to double capital gains tax to income tax level. He has been warned that this will make people avoid paying the tax all together and cost the Treasury BILLIONs.
    “Bat sh1t crazy” is the official Treasury view.

UK last

80% of new jobs created in the last decade went to migrants, and Labout MPs want more and more of them [migrants, Ed.]. The result has been the creation of a benefits bill on course to reach £136 BILLION this year.

Modern Dictionary

Efocet (n) the verbal equivalent of an Exocet missile.

A choice!

“British White Potato” is said on the supermarket’s bag of them. Crumbs! Are there green spuds and blue ones too for those who want something different?

Fair conclusion

“There is no secret plan to raise rates” said the headline on the financial page of a newspaper being recycled. But if there were, would the bastards tell us?

Could be verse

Although he seemed to be on song,
Jonah Burnbum got it wrong.
But there’s no need to cringe in fright,
His next U-turn will get it right.
And then the next reverse of track,
Will bring the course to wrong right back.

Misleading gadget

Anyone using a so-called smart watch to monitor their blood pressure could be deluding themself, the experts reckon after doing some tests.
    A watch isn’t up to the job of measurement in 50% of the cases examined, they found.

Protest tiers

A good way to upset the French government is to target protests against the state of schools and fuel prices. They’re not that bovvered about random ones, then?

Still going up

Esso petrol has sneaked up another 1p to 177.9p/litre. Diesel remains at 199.9p/litre, just below the notional barrier.

No taste but bad

President $thump is really good at creating outrage. His latest stunt was posting a video of himself ‘playing’ with a tiger created using A.I and having a really good time.

This week’s Big Mystery

Why has the Legend TV channel shopped adding sub-titles to its ancient shows? It can’t possibly have been getting as much mockery as that from the blunders on the Talking Pictures channel.

Change of subject

Our wonderful Labour government is getting the blame for what people moan about now. Forget the weather, it’s the costa living and the tax ‘n’ waste grabs.

Friday Fest 2

Next, the Blue Bombers travelled to Edmonton. The BB missed a FG to close Q1. Then they had to recover a fumbled punt return. Collards to the end zone, TD. A deep pass by Fajardo picked? Nope, DPI. FG, 7-3. BB pinned deep, pick by the Antlers, TD and the lead. End zone pass by the BB, 14-10. DPI by the Ants as the half ran out, Charge! for a TD, 21-10. Almost to the red zone with the kick off return, on to a TD, 21-17.
    Red zone for the Antlers in Q3, Fajardo in for a dive over TD. Add a rouge from the kick off, 21-25. FG for the Argos. Into Q4, a long FG by the BB hit the upright. Through for a kick by the Ants, 24-28. A pick by the Antlers. Red zone with time running out. Fajardo with a TD dive, 24-35. FG by the BB, 27-35. On-side kick try to the Antlers. The end.

Action replay

Back in 1978, the Tories were complaining that as the Soviet Union was building up its forces, the Labour government here was disarming at an alarming rate. Does that sound familiar? Must be what Labour always does.

Friday Fest 1

It was the Argos in the frosty nation’s capital to start Week 20. The RedBlack opener ended in a blocked punt and a TD for the visitors!  The RB were inside the 5, on to a TD, 6-7. Red zone again, FG, 6-10. Close for the Argos in Q2, TD, 13-10. FG for the RB and level. One for the Argos. QB dashes got the RB close, TD and a 16-20 lead. Seconds left, HUGE FG, 16-23.
    Sack, fumble, RB ball in Q3. Sack, FG miss for a rouge, 16-24. Bomb pass to the end zone, +2, 24-all! 51-yard FG for the RB; In Q4, inside the 5 for the RB, TD, 24-33. End zone pass, TD Argos, 31-33. Pick by the RB in the 13th minute. DPI by the RB, Argos on to a TD +2 and a 39-33 win? Nope, a TD for the RedBlacks with 6 seconds left!!!! Their first win of the season!!!! 39-40.

Havoc by design

At a loose end, I read an article in the Daily Disaster about the government’s directive to industry to create Menopause Champions instead of turning the page. And the plan turns out to be based on bogus data!!
    It’s just a progressive cause with no science behind it. And something which will doom the employment prospects of women in their 40s and 50s.

Sure, it does

Any sort of their Italian pizza for £9.99, according to the TV ad. Does that apply to the 14-foot wide version?

Small spelling mistake

What President $thump actually promised was to make America grate again – as in slicing the country’s enemies down to small bitz. But due to the efforts of a cloth-eared rotten typist, that grate was transposed to great.

Could happen

Staff at the government disinformation service, OfCon, are threatening a strike over a pay claim for 6.2% in recognition of their increasing work load.
    The constant rewriting to keep up with the prime mayor’s U-turns is a source of stress. As is the need to do the work in a secure office environment rather than when shirking @ home.

Lengthy pause

A Reform UK government will shut down the asylum system for 5 years, Mr. Farage has announced. Not a tactic likely to win the votes of the legal grifters making a bomb out of bogus claims.
    But will that be enuff time to let the courts and the snivel service catch up with their monumental backlogs?

Freezer assaults

Hackers have sabotaged the freezers of around 400 supermarkets in France. Ancient remotely controlled systems were switched to defrost, spoiling food worth millions of euros. Put’nstan is the main suspect.

The axe wielded selectively

Heat pump grants, school refurbishments and road projects are going to get the chop to put a trickle of cash into the Defence Brown Hole. Nothing from benefits, of course. That’s going to be propped up via assaults on landlords and pensioners.

Not a one-man band

Is it really the fault of actor T. Cruise if his latest film is not being watched? Nothing to do with whoever wrote the script, the director and all the rest?
    Surely they deserve a share of a world record for a box office flopperooni?

Grrrrr!

The government has decided that it is more convenient to blame the non-event at RAF Fairford on Iran rather than the usual far-Right suspects.
    Foreign Sec. E. Milipede is trying to cover up cosying up to the Iranians at a do in New York with a display fo faux toughness.
    This is the bloke who can’t tackle a bacon buttie, so what chance does he have with a major terrorism sponsor?

What sort of super?

Are we entering an age of super-intelligence? Or is it just one of super-self-interest? Is it intelligent for machines to wipe out the creatures that supply them with power and maintenance? Or is killing off humans seen as doing away with potential rivals by these essentials?

Issues dodged

The government is still letting the IRA and lawyers with dodgy claims rewrite history via its redone Troubles Bill. Failing the military in every way possible is written into Labour’s soul?

Another fantasy

Is the world really watching the trial of R. Brand, whoever he is? Or has the Daily Disaster caught a dose of Burnbum’s Disease?

No barrier unburst

Was there a sonic Moob (the opposite of a Boom) when Esso diesel retreated 2p to 199.9p/litre? We didn’t hear one. Petrol is still 176.9p/litre.

A prethetic liar

Shock, horror! Put’nstan rigged the 2016 Brexit vote to get us out of the EFU, an investigation by the Jonah Burnbum Detective Agency discovered.
    Relax. He’s done a U-turn and admitted he made it up.

More screwed than doomed

According to the boss of MicroSoft, washing machines and milk have more safety rules and inspections than the outfits building A.I assassins. The ‘dead in a decade’ mob are clearly nutters but can we trust the politicians we have to protect stuff like vital data and infrastructure? Especially with the Chinese building a kill switch into everything.

Vintage UNCLE

“Oh, this is a heron; I thought it was a damon,” the subtitles to the Man From UNCLE offered. What the lady who kept finding dead blokes in toilets on a train going from Vienna to Venice said was: “Oh, this is a Herren; I thought it was a Damen.”
    Whoever did the titles was clearly out to lunch.

You choose

Is the UK in a Doom Loop thanks to Labour’s serial incompetence, or is it in a Flop Plop? Vote early, vote often!

Worth a try

The Enviromint Agency is chasing a world record – it has just declared a drought in Yorkshire in October.
    Who’s got their rain?

Oh, really?

The bloke busted for murdering the former MP A. Widdecombe is now being positioned as Britain’s first Left-wing terrorist killer, which imcludes the implication that other terrorist murders are by Right-wingers.
    More dodginess from the brigade of looney Left apologists.

Not convinced

Has the American TV serial Dexter (2006-13) really inspired copycat serial killers? Or is it just being used as an excuse by the legal trade to get leniency for the depraved, who don’t kill bad guys, like the TV monster?

Forlorn hope

What is it with Jonah Burnbum? Does he assume everyone else has a case of instant amnedia? And if he sez on Tuesday the exact opposite of what he said on Monday, no one will notice?

No win, in a bin

Mr. Alias is suddenly Mr. Deadleg after failing to win Bier Smarmer’s old seat in a bye-election. The green grotters are now yelling that he should never have been made their leader, even though it were them wot did it.

Think again

If you were hoping to take a trip to the Yorkshire Wildlife Park, forget it. The place is still closed on ’elf & safety grounds. The identity of the bloke who climbed two fences to pick a fight with a tiger and lost has been revealed. He has a long history of mental illness.

Trend spotted

If the last 2 budgets were disasters, and it’s the same old Labour lot still in charge, is there any reason to think the next one won’t be another disaster? The smart money is going on another duck egg.

Not a priority for him

The French have spotted that our cosmetic prime mayor is a mug. They are credited with stopping half of the small boating attempts when Bier Smarmer was our figurehead. That’s down to one-third with Jonah eager to toss even more cash at them.

Enterprising!

There’s a website that sells sick notes for 44 quid to bogus asylum seekers who want to avoid meeting a Home Office minion. This postpones getting another call to present a dodgy claim for several months. There are lotz of other soursces of the sick notes racket, which can be used multiple times.

Oversight needed

The Health Department is going to crack down on the private clinics which are making a bomb out of the autism industry. They are currently not regulated but that will change.

The Not Pleased prize

The Nobel Peace Prize has gone to a judge who made a living in the UN ’uman rights industry. Giving her the prize was a grotesque weaponization of the award, which legitimizes anti-Israel hatred and prejudice by endorsing the judge’s view that writing off 74,000 Gazans constitutes genocide.
    That’s what the Israeli regime thinks, anyway.

Today’s Question

Q: What happens when President $thump declares a cease-fire between Ukraine and Put’nstan?
A: Put’nstan continues to attack Ukraine’s energy network and kill civilians.

Today’s Explanation

Digital was supposed to make life so much easier – what went wrong? We got the middle digit.
OR We got the first 2 digits waved vigorously.

More schmustice

The boss of the Met is not at all thrilled by Labour’s rush for criminal votes via early release from gaol. His officers are having to deal with over 100 breaches of tag conditions per day by bad guys who know they face no penalty.

Separation factor

Lotteries are in trouble with the equalities mob. A really big win makes married women want to shed their husband. Men, on the other hand, want to stay married or get married.
    A big win has no effect on the relationships of single women.

White man’s fault, of course

Wild fires in Australia are all the fault of Captain Cook, who found the place in 1770. Colonists from England created forests and their descendants are too dim to manage them and prevent accululation of combustible debris.

Premature definition

The autism racket operated by schools and the welfare system is steering kids to the Benefits Bucket and unemployment, a major assessment has found. The review found no real increase in the number of autistic children but the private sector taking cash from the NHS is hoovering it up and advertising for customers.
    A focus on the actual needs of kids is required rather than slapping a one-size-fits-all label on them.
    There is no biological test for autism – it’s just an opinion.

Cute TV ad

ALDI is the only place where everything in the supermarket is price-matched to . . . Aldi. Get out of that!

File under ‘M’ for Moot

Do human beings, including violent criminals, have an ‘inherent dignity’? The concept of built-in dignity appears to be on offer mainly by those seeking to exploit people, particularly those motivated by the likes of religion and politics.
    It’s certainly not a reason for preventing society from being protected from defectives with no regard for others.

Nah, don’t work

How much credibility is someone of obvious African descent going to have as the English pirate Long John Silver in a film? About as much as an Afron James Bond. Or maybe we’re being softened up for a Long Jane Silver sometime in the future.

File under ‘E’ for Extinction

The Metropolitan Police are using A.I to exterminate the career of senior officers caught in the act of misconduct. Using a police-issue phone for something you shouldn’t and you will be cut off at the knees!

It’s a trend

Like those for other festivals, Hallowe’en accessories are set to reach frightening prices this year – everything from costumes to basic pumpkins to sweets to decorations.

That’s polyticks

Reform is using tackling migration as a distraction from its donations, sez Labour. Labour is confecting dodginess about the donations to distract attention from its policy of ignoring illegal immigrants, sez . . . well, everyone else.

File under ‘U’ for Useless

Another part of the Jonah Burnbum catastrophe for Greater Manchester – yellow double-decker buses swanning around looking empty in the morning in the outlying areas.
    At great expense to the taxpayer.

In the Good Old Daze

Things you used to be able to do No. 971: From the mid-1960s to the 1970s, before we were invaded by IRA terrorists, we could go up to the public gallery near the top of the Post Office tower and enjoy a view over miles and miles of the London area, a correspondent has reminded me. One who’s dunnit.

Blatant threat

What does the hands pressed flat together gesture really mean? “We will crush you.” Not many people know that.

Punishment without a trial

Prince Andrew is getting pats on the back for challenging the police attempt to create a presumption of guilt against people who have Nett Zero criminal convictions. And also the police assumption that they have a right to stomp into a target’s home and grab anything that takes their fancy in the hope of being able to cobble together a façade of guilt.
● Prince Andrew is not the only target. There’s a history of believing the lies of fantasists and attempting to fit people up going back through Bier Smarmer’s reign as Dir. of Pubic Prostitutions.
    Remember when saintly Cliff Richard was a target?

Legal shoelaces tied together

We are warned that the government and the police don’t trust juries, and that’s why majority verdicts and making getting a jury trial more difficult were introduced.
    The next step is to encourage US-style plea-bargaining with threats of huge sentences. But does this strategy have any hope of success with Labour increasing sentence discounts recklessly in search of the criminal vote?

Legs don’t come deader

The euro is losing value at breakneck speed, France is on course to go bust, Germany is in decline and Spain is in turmoil thanks to the government there. So what does our prime cosmetic mayor want to do? Rejoin the EFU and throw tons of borrowed cash into its Brown Hole. No wonder they call him Jonah.

Improvisation

Supporters of the Hamas in Gaza; students and olders; didn’t wear face masks for a march in London to celebrate the October 7th massacre. They used umbrellas instead to hide their faces on a wet day in the capital.

Ain’t life a grand?

Thanks to Labour’s rental ‘reforms’ to the disadvantage of landlords, the average cost of renting a room in London is over a grand per week. There was no ‘Boom!’ when a notional barrier was breached as there are no limits when Labour is grabbing.

Monday East

It was the RoughRiders in Montreal to end Week 19. Nearly a pick of a pass by Alexander, next play for the RR! 43-yard FG by Lauther. The mighty Als responded with a TD. One back for the Riders to close Q1, 10-7.
    Crazy play by the Alexander.s in Q2, on to a TD from a deep shot, 10-14. TD for the Riders. FG for the Als, 13-17. FG for the Riders, 16-17. End zone bomb by Alexander, 16-24. Another in the 10th minute, 16-31.
     Another TD 4 minutes in to Q4 by the Als. Then a tipped pass picked. FG for the Als, 16-41. TD by the Riders, +2, 24-41. Short kick off to the Als, FG from it. 24-44 final.

Epic failure

Agriculture is letting us down, the experts reckon. The nutritional value of the likes of cereals, apples and vegetables is just 50% of what it was in the 1960s. Missing out on essential vitamins and minerals results in a sickly population.

Green is the Bay

The Packers hosted their deadly rivals the Bears. A hurl to the end zone by Love after 9 minutes was collected by Watson for a TD. The Bears were picked. Scoring range again. Into the shadows in Q2 for another TD by Lloyd. The Bears got close on a penalty, TD on 4th down, 7-14. Time enuff for 2 sacks by the Bears.
    3rd and 22 in Q3, TD pass to Watson in the end zone!!! PAT no good, 7-20. A 43-yard FG try by the Bears missed. Lots of defence. Another long pass play set up a FG, 7-23. A pick by GB in the last minute of the quarter.
    TD GB by Lloyd to start Q4, +2, 7-31. Huge kick-off return. Pick at their goal line by the Pack! Bomb pass by Love. 43-yard FG try missed. Fumble shambles to GB. Another long FG try missed. Sack, fumble, GB ball. Nowt from it but time running out. No more scoring.

Failed entrapment

Reform UK has investigated a sting scam by journalists who were pretending to offer foreign donations to officers whose job didn’t include dealing with dosh. The conclusion is that no laws were broken, no donations were made by the scammers and nothing was offered to the party’s finance team.
    The police are still dragging out their investigation.

Not helping

The director general of the Beeb is getting a good booting for delivering a cringeworthy pep talk to the minions, 2,000 of whom are getting the chop; along with Radio 3 and BBC Scotland?
    The minions need to ‘be more Elvis’. Which means what? Fat and dead at an early age?

Duck-egg degrees

A former head of Ofsted, the education watchdog, has revealed that a significant minority of academic degrees are worthless. No clinical information is on offer on which degrees pile up student debt with no hope of clearing it, but a 2020 report found that 30% of courses offer a negative return.

Good News

The tiger which defended its enclosure at the Yorkshire Wildlife Park from a human intruder last Saturday is not going to be killed as a pointless gesture.

Clear blue water

Whilst Labour is shaping up to nationalize housing without compensation and charge people rent on homes they’ve bought, the Tories are promising to abandon stamp duty, the mansion tax and inheritance tax. None of which will affect the benefits vote.

Doubt creater

When we hear ‘ATOL protected’ in a TV holiday ad, do we feel reassured? Or is there a sense of something dodgy going on if they can’t do business without being under the ATOL umbrella, so why are they telling us this?

www.WhoWillGetShot.us

Putting a military execution by firing squad on the interweb reduces the perpetrator to the same level as Iran, where inconvenients are strung up on a giant crane to give the mob a good vbiew.

Political Dictionary

Democracy (n) is a process by which the people are free to give power to the people who will do them the most harm.

Justice denied

The bust of Prince Andrew by the Thames Valley Police back in February was unlawful! Does that mean all the coppers involved the searches and the perp-walk process will have to be arrested? And the judge who issued the search warrants will be sacked?
    The next step has been booted into the long grass of next year.

The plot keep thickening

Was it a major or a lance-corporal incident at RAF Fairford the other day? Just before President $thump made an independent decision to take his bombers home? The latter, as far as the van-men were concerned. Now, there’s a story about an Iranian drone attack; one copying a plan used by Ukraine to attack Put’nstan; to confused things further.

Concerning?

Private clinics are issuing almost 2 million prescriptions per year for cannabis products to treat mental elves. Should street-level drug dealers and their suppliers be getting worried?

A new look

Jaguar’s strategy for the future is to sell electric cars – fewer of them but at an enormous price. The new car is only little; 4 feet 7 inches tall; and it doesn’t have a rear window. The roof slopes down at the back.
    There are 2 engines at the back and one at the front – so where does the luggage go? And it’s a 2½ ton pothole builder.

Skating on thinner ice

Labour’s Benefits Bulge has reached the point where cities like Birmingham receive twice as much in handouts as is received via income tax and national insurance.
    The total gap is £53 BILLION in England.

Also dead legged

France is in severe competition with what passes for our government over which can create the biggest, most debt-laden shambles out of the national economy. The bond marketeers are loving it.

More Jonah’s curse

Manchester City FC is in trouble with the FA over the antics of the foreign owners. Man. Utd. is getting a good booting from the fans for grabbing season tickets which have been passed down generations of locals and selling tickets to day-trippers who spend more cash at Old Trafford.
    Football tourists are more valued than genuan fans as an individual match ticket yields 59% more income than what a season ticket holder pays.

The recipe ruse

“What are we having for tea tonight?”
    “Barissaro stedsquash.”
“Eh?”
    “It’s a collection of leftovers jumbled together. If you give it a fancy name, no one will realize.”

Saturday West

The Calgary team stampeded to Winnipeg. The Stamps lost a 10th minute TD to a penalty and ended up with a FG. A bomb pass got the Blue Bombers close, on to a TD.
    A Stamps FG try early in Q2 hit an upright. Scramble, bomb pass, FG for the BB, 3-10. One back for the Stamps. Then a pick stopped the BB. On to a FG. Huge pass by the BB as time ran out, pass to the end zone, TD! 9-17.
    The BB returned the Q3 kick off for a TD! Inside the 10 for the Stamps, on to a TD. The BB lost the ball to a forced fumble. On to a TD, 22-24. Collards sacked but made a 1st down.
    Into Q4, FG, 22-27. Collards down again, FG for the BB. Another from 33 yards, 22-33. Into the last minute. Nearly for Philpot, Charge! to a TD from the 1. No +2, 28-33 final after the BB fielded a short kick off.

File under ‘B’ for Boneheaded

Anyone seen the plot? President $thump has lost it – as confirmed it with his rant at the president of Ukraine for failing to surrender to Put’n the Poisoner’s attack and driving the price of diesel fuel up in the Untied States to a level that costs $thump lotz of votes.
● Nothing to do with his own failure to sort out Iran, of course.

Noiseless

Was there an audible bang when mortgages broke through the mythical 6% ‘barrier’? Only in the minds of the fantasists.

Another EU disaster

LED light bulbs are bad for you, is the message coming from the gurus. Imposed on us by politicians, they output visible light only and none of the deep red and infrared in sunlight, which the human body needs.
    LEDs are getting the blame for bad sleep and causing type 2 diabetes. They are okay for use in the office but incandescents are better for the evening.

Reckless endangerment

The Yorkshire Wildlife Park has suffered an unexpected closure incident. A visitor managed to get into a tiger enclosure and was killed by one of the residents.
    The tiger was unharmed but the rest of the visitors lost a day out after being evicted from the site by the police.

Phew, Gov!

Something that caught the eye of several of my correspondents was a newspaper story about a woman who had surgery after fat-jabs didn’t work and lost 8 stones.
    “That would leave me at 2½ stone,” one of my correspondents wrote. “Is that less than the weight of a skeleton?”

Rock & Hard Place scenario

Our prime cosmetic mayor is being forced to put a tariff on cheap Chinese electric vehicles under pressure from the EFU. The mob in Brussels is worried that the crafty Chinese are using the UK as a back door to evade their 45% tariff.
    But if Jonah goes ahead, the Chinese are bound to retaliate in some evil/sneaky way.

Act Two!

The death of a researcher at the Irkutsk Anti-Plague Institute in Siberia is being equated with the release of the Chinese plague from Wuhan. Cue a silly story about a dropped test tube.
    Biological warfare gone wrong through a lack of due diligence at the factory? Especially if someone else is dead, too.

Yawn

Does anybody really care that a survey has concluded that the average Brit consumes 57,000 cups/mugs of coffee in a lifetime? A number which is meaningless at an individual level.

Going through the motions?

Shutting off wind farms on very windy days and firing up gas-fuelled power stations near cities to keep the supply balanced to the demans has wasted £1.5 BILLION thus far this year.

Out West

The winless Ottawa RedBlacks, in white, trailed to Vancouver. The Lions started with a TD. Red zone, another TD, 0-14. Red zone for the RB, on to a TD but the PAT missed. 6-14.
    A FG in Q2 got the RB to 9-14. The Lions were stopped on downs. QB mugged, Lions’ ball! Rourke pass to the end zone, TD BC, 9-21. A pick in the last minute stopped BC. FG from it, 12-21.
    A FG for the RB in Q3. A forced fumble gave the ball to the RB. Deep pass to the BC 20, FG, 18-21. Red zone for BC, on to a TD dive, 18-28.
    The Lions forced and recovered a fumble. Inside the 10, TD, 18-34, the conversion missed, returned for 2!, 20-34. A pick gave the ball to BC, a big pass play, then a TD, 20-41 final.

No go area

The Northern Ireland Sec., Captain Underpants, has banned an Orange Order march from going down a road of IRA supporters. Policing costs would have been formidable.

Political dictionary

holistic approach: digging the holes in the pockets of customers and their bank accounts even deeper.

Out East

The Edmonton Antlers traveled to Hamilton. Lots of defence then the Ants got close, just a FG. More defence in Q2. A Fajardo bomb pass got the Ants close in the 13th minute, another FG, 6-0. The Antlers punted in the last minute and collected a fumble by the TC. 47-yard FG blocked but a rouge from it, 7-0.
    Lots of Lawler for the TC in Q3, red zone, FG. Into Q4, the Antlers got to scoring range, to the TC 1, TD dive by Fajardo, 14-3. A long pass play got the TC to scoring range. FG, 14-6.
    A pass instead of a punt by the TC was picked for a TD! 21-6. The kick-off return met Swiss cheese and went for a TD!! 21-12. Time running out. Red zone for the Antlers, walk-in TD for Powell, 27-12 final.

Wot next?

The killer whom the authorities in Tennessee failed to kill was supposed to be brain dead in hospital at the beginning of this week. A day later, she woke up and started talking, which foiled taking her off a ventilator and letting her die.

Another government failure

Anti-migrant protesters have been told that they will be busted by the police if they get in the way of the RNLI taxi service taking small boaters to Gosport in Hampshire.
    Failing to use the Border Farce taxi service to take illegals to Dover has run up an unaffordable bill of £500,000 for policing at Gosport.

Flip a coin

The decision to remove US bombers from RAF Fairford was either 1. A tactic to confuse enemies by moving irreplaceable planes around constantly or 2. A vote of no confidence in our government’s ability to protect such assets.

Defence strategy

The Tories have come up with a plan for defence against missles and drones fired by enemies to remind the nation that the current government is ignoring defence of the realm.
    All that political enemy has for us is more taxation to buy more benefits votes.

Pain postponed

My neighbour got a shot of the winter flu jab and a bonus of the current Chinese plague shot on Thursday. I met him when we were in the local supermarket later that day and he said the nurse had told him he’d have a sore arm tomorrow.
    Which was fine by him if tomorrow never comes.

Yeah, right

Are Gen Zers; 18-29-year-olds [which isn’t actually a generation, Ed.]; nutters or wind-up merchants? One or the other if 20% of them are saying they believe that babies born now could live to be 150 years old. If the A.Is let them?

Another government fantasy

The head of the National Association of Probation Officials has warned that the government’s assurances that releasing thousands of criminals from gaol early won’t put the general public in danger is all lies.
    The probation service can’t cope with the existing workload and piling on more and more is lunacy.

Out of the loop

The Injustice Sec., A Norris, is a victim of information non-disclosure. He was made to look a chump by not knowing how many of the first 700 Burnbum criminal votes candidates released from gaol last week will get a tag.
    Or when. Or even if.

Goes around

The Thames Valley Police force has ended up in the same box as Prince Andrew – accused of misconduct but all the particulars are carefully hidden from view. Not that this will bovver them, of course.

Empty words

“Britain’s most trusted network”, the voice on the advert sez. Impressed? I’m not. I have no evidence on which to make an assessment; and a confirmed sceptic.

Too nasty

Israel has banned Mr. Alias of the green grotters from going to the country or its occupations over his party conference’s blatant anti-Semitism. Not that he’s ever likely to go there. Especially if he’s not an MP.
● If the grotters are progressive, three cheers for antigressive.

Wot can we come up with?

It’s amazing what can be strapped on to an event like the failed hijacking of a Flydubai plane en route for Tel Aviv. The criminal co-pilot is now another bin Laden, who was planning to take out a skyscraper near Israel’s military HQ rather than crash on to the HQ itself. Maybe.
    It’s out of the same box as the ‘attack’ on RAF Fairford.

Next step?

Will those who claimed the chemicals used by the state of Tennessee for lethal injections would kill killers now be done for fraud if the system turned out to be non-lethal?

The curse of Jonah

The financial stuff that’s being pinned on Manchester City FC is nothing to do with the club’s management and players. It’s all to do with the nod and wink stuff that went on between the foreign owners, the city council and the bloke who used to be the cosmetic mayor before he ditched the job, turning himself into a confirmed liar, to wreck the country as a cosmetic prime mayor.

Progression

Hope? Nope. Dope!

Go compare

Yanks are upset by having to pay $6.50 per gallon for diesel fuel. Thanks to our useless government, it costs the equivalent of $12 here.
    And when the Chancellor sez we have the diesel stocks that we need, he’s a migrant from the truth.
    Translation: he’s badly informed or plain lying.
● The UK has 42 days’ supply of diesel. Japan has 1,000 days’ supply of it.

Nothing for scroungers

King Chuck will not apologize for Britain’s role in ending the slave trade centuries ago when he does a tour of the Caribbean. And no reparation cash for scroungers. That’s a matter for the government, not him.

Much worse to come

Mr. Alias is being positioned as a useful idiot, who will be binned when even nuttier and extreme nutters take over the green grotters. Apparently, we ain’t seen nothing yet from the party that thinks tree planting is all about ethnic cleansing.

Be warned!

What do you get if you blow up a Sadgeek K’han’t Ulez camera and send shrapnel flying 100 yards? 15 years in gaol, which is more than people who killed someone get.

All quiet

Anyone hear the bang when diesel prices crashed the £2 per litre barrier? No? Could it be that it was just journalistic imagination in play again?

Truth embarrasses

Reviews of some top lawyers which described them as an absolute shower were published due to a computer error. That’s the story, anyway, when they were exposed as sloppy, indecisive, difficult to work with and other off-putters.
    A spokes promised that a more robust truth-suppression process will be operated in future.

A revelation

The Boss of the GMB trade union has realized that the lunatic Edstone Milipede Nett Zero scam is destroying jobs and making the working class support Reform UK.
    No danger of the union cutting off Labour funding if they don’t listen?

Safer Streets plan

The Tories have come up with a plan to curb the Labour criminal vote – cut the foreign aid budget by £1 billion per year and use the cash to add 50,000 more to the total of prison cells.
    Good for victims of crime, and dealing with illegals, too.

Blame game 2

According to our cosmetic prime mayor, everything he’s against in society is a product of a conspiracy cooked up by his late father and similarly late Margaret Thatcher. So now we know.

Blame game 1

The blame for Man City FC’s financial problems with the FA is being dumped on the bloke who used to be the city’s cosmetic mayor, whoever he was. He seems to have beaten a hurried retreat from the area.

Still no peril on the sea

The RNLI taxi service taking Channel small boat illegals to new unloading points on the south coase remains as unpopular as ever. Officialdom is upset by protesters having the cheek to use the interweb to stage rallies of opposition.

Bleak future

Our prime cosmetic mayor with a talent for claiming the credit for the work of others left his job in Manchester with the city £1,340 MILLION in debt.
    Wot will his leaving gift to the UK be?

Good for a laugh?

The Royal Shakespeare Company has decided to give the job of playing King Richard II (male) to an Australian actress (female) during its 2027 season.

Mr. No-Credibility

Mr. Alias, the green grotter leader, told his party conference that his Jewish ancestors ‘fled the Nazis’. But how did that happen is all four of his grandparents were born in Manchester or Barrow in Furness between 1916 and 1934?
    No explanation on offer from the grotters.

Grotter terror!

The government’s answer to diesel shortages is to gang up with the EFU to tap into reserves instead of exploiting what we have under the North Sea. Typical. Fear of losing voters to the green grotters is behind the embargo.

Super-soft on crime

According to the Ministry of Injustice, 4,500 criminals will be released early in a typical month when Jonah’s scam to get the criminal vote is up and running.
    That’s 54,000 going unpunished in a year.
● And when the crime rate goes up, the discount rate will, too?

Nett Zero appreciation

The Israeli prime minister, Mr. Ne10yayoo, has seen right through our prime mayor. Jonah goes in for absolutely mind-blowing hippocrisy and he has turned the UK into a rogue state with world-record rapidity.
    Making Edstone Milipede his Foreign Secretary hasn’t helped.

You can’t win

An argument being deployed for legalizing currently banned drugs is that it would protect children from drug dealers.
    Opponents point out that legalization has been done elsewhere and it leads to MORE drug deaths. Hey, ho.

Retire to danger

The murder of former MP A. Widdecombe and the security needs of Reform’s N. Farage and other MPs are being used to force a rethink of how MPs are treated when they stand down.
    At present, they aren’t offered continued protection and they’re not happy about it.

Divided society

Is there anyone this government doesn’t hate? Less cash for pensioners, higher tutiion fees for students, higher taxes for those with jobs. Which leaves what? Benefits voters and illegal immigrants. Wunderbar.

Not helping

On the one side, we have the latest secretary of the GMB union in Scotland declaring that the country must re-industrialize as a matter of urgency.
    On the other, we have our cosmetic prime mayor sitting on his fat bum over spending the £200 million allocated to regenerating the industrial site at Grangemouth.

Political dictionary

Fiscal rules: (fantasy concept) The people pay more and more tax whilst a Labour government digs its financial pothole even deeper instead of even pretending to repair it, and then blames everything on Mrs. Thatcher.

Not all Good Guys

Derbyshire Country Council (Reform) is getting a booting for being very good at vindictiveness. It has banned a local journalist who had the affrontery to expose the council’s harassment of an 81-year-old pensioner over access to her back garden gate using huge Lego-style concrete blocks.

Wrecking ball

Jonah Burnbum’s plan to rip up the electoral system will put more rachelists, bigots and eccentrics into the government, his Chancellor is warning him. So that’s Jonah’s agenda; eternal Labour plus a load of other idiots taxing us to bitz.

Tooth and . . . nothing!

Users of fat-jabs are at risk of a deficiency of the protein keratin, which can make their fingernails drop off! Just another sacrifice in the cause of less bulk.

Wot’s the plot, Jonah?

Edstone Milipede guaranteed a reduction of £300 in our energy bills. Burnbum is shoving them up by £300 and dragging his feet over exploiting our North Sea assets instead of importing oil and gas.
    Is he trying to convert us into a nation of hopeless blubberers, just like him?

Nothing to see

Our Prime Mayor is claiming that the Iranians were behind the non-event terror plot near RAF Fairford. Which puts the notion in the realm of fantasy for even more people.

Nothing special

We are expected to marvel that the late TV presenter Esther Rantzen grew up in a house with no TD. But that is the usual experience of people born in the 1940s.
    There wasn’t much to watch on TV back then. All the best stuff was on radio in the Good Old Days.

Left hanging around

Pocket phones and the ability to send a ‘running late’ or a lying ‘five minutes away’ text message are being blamed for destroying the concept of punctuality. Being 15 minutes late is thought to be fashionable, 29 minutes lase is rude and an hour late is in ‘don’t bother turning up’ territory.

A certain threat

A company that tests the security of A.I programs found that 2 Chinese ones were willing to devise ways of launching terrorist attacks on London. Are others any safer? Not one is saying.

Yet another tax coming

Some MPs think reducing the BBC licence fee will make it more affordable to some of the 20% who don’t pay it. Others want to abolish it and stick a tax on everyone whether or not they use the BBC. And everyone expects the government to make a bog of what it claims will be a ‘reform’.

Bug out!

Anyone who is able to do so is advised to go abroad for the winter, which will be a tough one, our wonderful government is promising. Taxes up, fuel and energy costs up, and anything else they can think of.

Revealed

The green grotters have burst out of the closet as the Official Monster Anti-Jewish Party.

Gone home

RAF Fairford has been declared safe now that all the bombers stationed there have returned to the Untied States.

In Trump Territory

The Pea Hockers, in Florida, lost the ball to the Buccaneers in scoring range. Nowt from it. A drive into Q2 went to a 3rd down TD. The Bucs were level after 10 minutes. A pick in the final minute of the half stopped them. 58-yard FG, 10-7.
    Johnson to the TB 6 in Q3, on to a TD, 17-7. The Bucs drove into Q4, diving TD, 17-14. Close for Green Bay, fumble to the Bucs. Groan. Bad snap, safety for GB? Nope. A kangaroo hop got GB close, an exceptional pick by the Bucs. Sack by GB, nearly another. No more scoring.

Nice idea

The Tories have come up with a cute slogan: “Putting the fair into welfare”. If only, given the endemic foot-dragging of the snivel service.

Limited or cosmetic

The Burnbum amazing free care plan won’t cover the cost of the real killer: residential care. It’s just an excuse to enlarge the civil service. No one surprised.

Effective diversion

An argument against a 4-day working week back in the Good Old Days was that people wouldn’t know what to do with all the spare time.
    Not a problem in the A.I Age, when they can waste ages messing about with so-called media websites, gawping at garbage created by A.I crApps. Even a 2-day working week could be a problem for some of them.

Really?

Israel is claiming that our government ignored a warning of an attack on RAF Fairford; passed on weeks ago; as Jonah’s Junta was too busy setting up its sanctions against Israeli Arab-killers in the occupied West Bank territory.
● No such advance warning was received, said a government spokes. Security at Fairford was beefed up following Iran’s threats made in July against all air bases used in strikes against this terrorism sponsor.

Another fantasy

The mob who claim they have found the remains of a boat-shaped Noah’s Ark are getting a good booting from the purists, who know it was just a big, square-cornered landing craft shape as all it had to do was float about until the mythical flood subsided. It wasn’t meant to sail anywhere, which makes looking for a boat shape plain daft.

Diagnosis 2

The surge in large scale fly-tipping is due to massive rises in landfill taxes. “Didn’t see that one coming,” observed a government spokes.

Diagnosis

It is clear that our Prime Mayor is experiencing Second Childhood Syndrome if he wants to go back to the 1970s when he was just a little kid.

Hoaxer’s panic

A bloke was busted in Singapore for using A.I to fool a water company into thinking there was a crocodile loose in a reservoir, sparking a hunt for it. Sending a false message is worth a fine of £6,000 in Singapore, and obstructing justice by deleting the crocodile picture and the crApp used to create it can be worth 7 years in gaol.

Weird, or what

An A.I company is using its prospectus for a stock market launch to tell investors at great length that they could be helping to wipe out humanity.
    Those who are worried will be relieved to know that the Director General of the BBC doesn’t think it will happen.

Eastern Saturday 2

To finish, the Bombers @ the Alouettes. Bomb pass to Philpot in the red zone, on to a TD. Bomb pass by the Blue Bombers, straight to the end zone! 7-all. To the BB 5, TD for the Als. FG in reply. In Q2, the Als kicked a FG, 10-17.
    A fumble gave the ball to the Als. More Philpot, but the Als were stopped on a 3rd and 1. A bomb pass from Alexander to Philpot, to the BB 1, TD and 10-24.
    Back to the BB 1 in Q3, TD for the Als. Lots of defence. Alexander sacked to close Q3, but the Als advanced to a TD in Q4. No, incomplete pass. Alexander lost a trip to the end zone on a holding penalty. Just a FG and 10-34. Sack by the Als. Another FG and that was the final score, 10-37. The Als were the only home team to win this weekend.

More fantasists

The Republic of Ireland is getting a good booting for climbing a ladder of hippocrisy to an imaginary moral high ground and living in a state of perpetual victimhood.
    That’s a country that has never been persecuted by the Jews, according to its acclaimed author J. Joyce.

Very peculiar script

How do you have a major incident terrorist attack on an RAF base used by the Americans if the 3 large vans at the scene contained Nett Zero explosives?
    Why would one of the bailed suspects make a 999 call to get armed police to the scene? How weird is it that the local farmer who called the police later actually saw armed coppers swanning about, not terrorists?
    Was it all just a stunt to wind up the local cops as verified by an Iranian denial?

Eastern Saturday 1

The Lions travelled to T’ronno and started with a FG. The double blue got real close; just a FG. Another FG for BC after 14 minutes. Arbuckle crunched in Q2. Another FG for the Lions, 9-3. Red zone, and goal, TD for the Argonauts, leaving time for the Lions to kick a go-ahead FG at 0:00, 12-10.
    A pass try by Arbuckle deflected and grabbed by the Lions in Q3, FG from it. A BC drive went to a fumbled snap but the Lions got to kick a FG,18-10. Another FG in Q4. The Argos got their act together and hit the end zone, 21-17. FG for BC, Whyte on form. Arbuckle intercepted inside the BC 10 with a couple of minutes left. Punt. The Argos to the BC 5, Charge! Stopped. And stopped again on 3rd down. 24-17 final.

Be advised

Due to a printing error, banners reading HOPE AGAIN were supplied to the Labour conference organizers instead of ones reading DOPE AGAIN. And what a dope our blubbing Prime Mayor turned out to be, blaming everything on his late father.

Undesirables made welcome

What happens when you’re a Palestinian small boat illegal and an ex-convict who put videos calling for the death of all Jews on the interweb? The Home Office parks you in a house in Corby in Northamptonshire.

Nett Zero breathing space

Consumer borrowing is at a new record level. 60% of customers are feeling under strain from Labour’s costa living crisis, and many are having to dip into savings to manage. And an inflation rate of 4% next year will not help one little bit.

Last night’s question

Does using the f-word when some obstructive piece of furniture messes you about during the hours of darkness count double or only 50% of the usual rate?

Life extender

A British firm has come up with a gene tweak which delays the browning process in bananas that have been peeled, sliced or bashed.
    The new stock could put a dent in the number of bananas thrown away unconsumed; one million per day in the UK.

Absurd wokeness

The former BierBC is getting a severe booting for claiming that unpainted fingernails are ‘classist’ and a blatant symbol of white supremacy.
    Divisive tosh is now seen as part of a tedious Beeb agenda to politicise absolutely everything.

Extremely far-Wrong

Our Prime Mayor has given the job of Nature Minister to a woman who thinks everyone who enjoys the countryside, its pubs and the company of dogs is a rabid member of the far-Right. But also claims she enjoys these things herself.
    Where do they get people like this?

Somewhere new

Illegals have found that Mylor harbour near Falmouth is a good place to sneak ashore undetected by the usual seaborne spies. For a while. The Cornish police made 10 arrests of boaters and accomplices to foil some sneakery.

At it again

London’s Sadgeek cosmetic mayor is intent on banning vehicles from a half-mile stretch of Oxford Street in the capital in time to discourage Xmas shoppers.

Bad bods

A survey has declared Tesla vehicle drivers the worst-mannered of all road users.
    They rant at other motorists over crimes like not letting another vehicle pull out into a traffic stream whilst doing it shamelessly themselves.

Big let-down

Illegals being sent back to France under the one in, one out, one back again scam are upset over the lack of appreciation shown to them.
    They all want to be parked in a five-star hotel but all they get instead is a bunk in a detention centre until they can be exported, which they find stressful.
    Tough!

One out

Mrs. Burnbum has decided to quit her job as a marketing exec. to become Mrs. Prime Mayor full-time. A grateful nation salutes her sacrifice.
[Really? Or is this a ‘name the nation to win this week’s jackpot’ competition? Ed.]

Today’s Question

In the now essential interests of equality, is there a Bent of Hormuz to counterbalance the Straight of Hormuz?

Friday Treat 2

The Stampeders visited the RoughRiders. The RR fumbled away the kick off, TD Calgary. Harris to the end zone, 7-all. Bomb pass by Adams, TD Stamps! FG in the last minute of Q1, 14-10. One for the Stamps in Q2. The Riders missed a try. A 45-yarder also missed.
    The Riders took their Q3 opener to a FG, 17-13. A 45-yarder for the Stamps. Red zone for the Stamps in Q4, end zone pass for a TD, 27-13. Another TD in the 10th minute. One back for the Riders, 34-19, no +2.
    A FG with 2 minutes left, 37-19. A TD for the Riders got them to 37-25, no +2, final? No, the Riders persisted and scored a TD at 0:00 on the clock, and Harris was flattened when they went for +2. 37-31 final.

No Working Brain Cells

It’s a typical Labour politician response. The ‘deal’ with the French to stop small boaters doesn’t work so the Burnbummers want to up the ante to a billion quid down this drain. No wonder the EFU mob are so keen to get our deadlegs back into their swamp of despond.

Friday Treat 1

The Hamilton TigerCats visited the nation’s capital, where the RedBlacks opened with a FG. The Cats were sacked to a FG. Amazing catch! The RB at the TC 1, TD, 3-10.
    A long dash in Q2 got the RB close, another FG. Penalties set up a TC TD, 10-13. FG for the home team. One for the Cats, 13-16. A pick in the RB end zone prevented a TD with seconds to go to half time.
    All defence in Q3 to a TC TD at 0:00, 20-16. Lawler to the end zone in Q4, 27-16. Sack, fumble recovery, TC ball. 3rd and goal, TD, 34-16 final, the RB remain winless.

Discard the old

The Imperial War Museum’s management is getting a booting for turing away from old wars. The emphasis now is on wars that took place during the lifetime of younger visitors. Anything older is history that can be ignored.

Final curtain plan

Put’n the Poisoner has ordered a revamp and sprucing up of his domain’s doomsday bunker in the Ural wilderness. If he gets bombed to bitz, the bunker will keep on shooting any available missles at the many enemies of Put’nstan.

Dietary shift

Fat jabs are having a bad effect on the sales of pork pies, one of the major manufacturers is finding. Those producing Cornish pasties and snacks are also having to restructure to tackle the challenge.

Blame the geek

Another tycoon is taking his mega-wealth out of the UK thanks to the eternal anti-vehicle policies of London’s deluded Sadgeek of a mayor.
    The elderly departer is finding it impossible to get into and around the capital quickly. Jams and queues are the norm and he is organized and smart enough to have better places to be.

Bad as it can possibly get

And the award for the crappest sub-titles of ALL TIME goes to The Virtue Affair – S2, E11 of The Man From U.N.C.L.E. for the ludicrous attempt to do titles using sort-of English words for a count-down in French to the launch of a missle. It set a new and unbeatable record for abject and total failure.

The late party

Labour really is the party of ‘can’t be done’ if criminals released early from gaol so they can vote Labour won’t get a tag for five months.

Rate rise inevitable?

The Gov. of the Bank of England is warning that the government’s failure to get a grip on its overspending is driving the cost of a mortgage towards a rate of 6% or even more.
    Is anyone who can do anything about it listening and preparing to make an effort?
    Probably not.

Desperation move

Shock-horror! The Democraps in the Untied States are so desperate to take over Congress and stall President $thump that they are claiming they no longer want to defund all police forces, abolish prisons and ban Thanksgiving celebrations as colonialist.
    Normal lunacy will be resumed after the mid-term elections in November.

Correction

It seems that the term ‘white tears’ is abologically incorrect. The approved woke form is: ‘white they/them tears’. So now we know.

Seepage lack

Is has been revealed that there are no leaks about what will be in the coming Budget because there is no plan. Snivel servants are sitting in their offices, or skiving at home, waiting in vain to put suitable words around crisis-fixing plans.

Gulp!

Blubbing Burnbum of the crocodile tears cancels state penion. He’s doing it for the sake of the country. Will he get away with it?

Bad idea all round

The Institute of Fiscal Studies has delivered a no-confidence vote for our Prime Mayor’s plan for mass nationalization. There is no confidence that Labour will get the buy-out price right. It will either be too low and turn off investment prospects, or it will be too high and encourage businesses to fail deliberately to get a big pay-off.

Spin applied

Our Prime Mayor has admitted that the invitation to Put’n the Poisoner to attend next year’s G20 meeting here is just puff and nonsense. No top bods from Put’nstan dare show their mugs here and just minions will be sent.
    Which will be interpreted as a sign that the West is no longer bovvered about the assault on Ukraine and normal relations can be resumed.

Opting out

A survey has concluded that teenage girls are no longer sporty. More and more of them would rather mess about with a pocket phone than get out and compete and get healthy.

Trigger warning

The following programme may contain scenes unsuitable for flashing images. Daft? Well, aren’t they all!

Fantasy

The government is claiming that its mass release of criminals from gaols will put them under the strictest possible monitoring conditions. Which can include them waiting 5 months to get an ankle tag.

Just talk

Making Angrier Robot the Housing Sec. meant that Labour has no chance of getting even close to its target to build 1.5 million new homes.
    Completion rates are the lowest for a decade due to excessive taxation and red tape.

No shortage of political gas

Our Prime Mayor’s latest bit of gaslighting is a claim that Brexit caused the invasion of small boaters, and also a loss of collaboration with EFU neighbours. In fact, the opposite is true.
    Brexit was our response to constant swindles by the EFU’s bandits in Brussels with nothing worthwhile on offer to us.
● The major economies of the EFU are stagnant, so no help for ours on offer, and their socialist governments are on the way out.

The rip uncovered as off

Pet care companies are reported to be disappointed by a Competion & Markets Authority revelation that vets’ bills have been rising at twice the rate of inflation.

What nice people!

Students in London want to stage a protest march against Israeli ‘genocide of Palestinians’ on the 3rd anniversary of the massacre by the Hamas that started off the destruction of Gaza and writing off 73,000 Palestinians.

More down the drain

Legal aid thrown at bogus asylum claims cost the taxpayer the best part of £20 million in the second quarter of this year, the Ministry of Injustice has admitted.