Neat of the Dead

Neatflix subscribers who can’t find anything to watch are being described as zombies. There is little new on the service, one of the zombies complained, and lots of repeats.
    No wonder the shares are down by almost one-third on the January price and the company is shedding jobs.

Reality bite

1.5 million new homes during this Parliament and jobs created across Britain. That’s what we were told in 2024.
    The government will be lucky to get close to 1 million homes due to the damage done to the economy, and we can forget all the stuff about jobs.

Just sleight of hand

The government has confirmed that it has no intention of stopping the boats. Instead, the plan is to blow £150 million on camps for illegals to hold the ones currently in hotels and the new arrivals.
    The Home Office will claim a cut in asylum costs – by shoving them onto local authorities instead.
    Meanwhile, 5 EFU nations are planning to send their illegals to camps built in Rwanda at our expense before that Biery Smarmer threw away this investment.

Command failure

Spain’s mega high-speed train crash was a consequence of epic human stoopidity as well as a failure of technology. The command centre let a train start moving again, knowing there was another stopped on the line ahead of it, and the driver was not ordered to travel at a speed which would have allowed him to stop safely if he had seen an obstruction.

West Semi-Final

The RoughRiders were in Vancover on a beautiful day. The Lions fumbed their opener to the Riders, FG from it. Sack for the RR. Another FG after 9 minutes. One back for the Lions. Another 55-yarder for the Riders in Q2, 9-3.
    BC fumble to the RR. Inside the BC 5, TD, +2, 17-3. Scrambling Rourke, fired a huge pass to a wide open receiver for a TD!! 17-10. A pick stopped a promising RR drive. Whyte with a FG at 0:00, 17-13.
    The Riders were sacked to a FG in Q3. Another big pass and a receiver a long way to the end zone for BC, 20-all. FG for the Riders. Red zone, TD for the Lions, 23-27.
    FG for the Lions in Q4. Whyte again as time ran out, 23-33.  FG for the RR in the 14th minute, 26-33. On-side trick kick failed. FG try by the Lions NG. Harris to Shaker Baker. Just 2 seconds left, the Lions held the line.

A way with words

The Chancellor claimed that the benefits bill will be brought down ‘in a Labour way’. Translation: It will go up but the government will obfuscate and pretend that it has gone down.

Interesting analysis

The government’s numbers add up, sez a former boss of the Institute for Fiscal Studies. How? Coz they are made up! To which could be added: “Austerity is other others – certainly not for Labour MPs and their benefits clients.”

East Semi-Final

The Blue Bombers crossed over to T’ronno with not a cloud in the sky. The BB started with a TD. Sack but the Argos kept going, Kelly passed to the end zone for an equalizer. A pick in the last minute of Q1 took the Argos to scoring range and a FG in Q2. 7-10.
    The BB drew level with a FG. The BB looked threatening but a spectacular pick stopped them. Bomb pass by Kelly. Ahead with a FG. Brown sacked, fumbled to the Argos, FG, 10-16.
    A FG in Q3 for the Argos, 10-19. A 47-yarder by the BB missed. Scoring range for the BB, fumble to the Argos! Kelly lost the ball, taken in for a TD by Fletcher, 17-19. DPI let the Argos kick a FG in Q4, 17-22.
    Kelly dinged, Arbuckle on. Time running out, punt return fumbled to the BB. TD in the last minute, +2, 25-22. Final.

Safer option, maybe

Experts in Turkey are recommending the use of loose tea and a teapot instad of convenient T-bags. Why? Coz plastic bags might maybe releasing 2,500 nano-particles of forever chemicals per cuppa.