How many cheers does he expect?

And is it possible to deliver a negative number? We have been told that Tony B. Liar is busting a gut to return to British politics because he has lots more to say. One thing he hasn’t said yet is where he plans to start his next war for fun and his profit.

The Bozo Tendency is still winning

If you work at Scotland Yard, you can’t use the words “blacklist” and “whitelist” any more. You have to use “redlist” and “greenlist” instead as it’s “more appropriate language in a professional, police environment”. So if you were ever wondering why policing in Britain no longer works, it’s because they’re churning out this sort of crap instead of doing too much tracking down of criminals. Which is, like, dangerous, man and contra-indicated on 'elf 'n' safety grounds.

You can’t give up what you never had

The election results in France and Greece yesterday are being spun as oppressed people giving up on austerity and voting for lots of lovely tax and spend. But they haven’t actually had any austerity yet. Which means that spongers expect to get even more cash from the only countries which actually contribute to the EU’s coffers – us and the Germans. It’s at times like this that you wish that you had a prime monster who can summon up the courage to say Boo! to the EU monster.

They can’t do that!

No more wind-turbine Toryism to make Dave popular enough be be re-elected? Anyone would think there’s something wrong with paying lots of taxpayers’ cash to rich people with wind farms for the privilege of posturing on the world stage and waving worthless Green credentials around.

What a F.A.C-up!

The F.A. Cup has kicked off at 3 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon since way back into the 20th century. Then along comes some over-blown tosser who decides to change the kick-off time to 5:15 p.m. in the early evening just to get himself noticed. Sheesh!

Date check okay? So what’s going on?

There it is in the Daily Disaster, Tony B. Liar has hired a spin doctor as a first step to getting himself back into British politics. Presumably, as Lord Liar of Baghdad. First thing you do, check the date at the top of the page. Surprise! It’s not April 1st. Surely the old fraud can’t be serious about having things to say to his British subjects. Especially when the only talking he should be doing is from the dock at The Hague during his trial for war-crimes against humanity.

No quite so unanimous

How amusing to note that the Labour MP who got Mr. Murdoch condemned in the Commons report has a book to plug and he’s also a former hit-man for Wee Gordie Broon, who has never forgiven Mr. Murdoch for ditching him. So all the sound and fury, as usual, signifies nothing more than self-publicity and a bitter man’s revenge.