Monday, 31 January 2011
Lost Cause?
Is it worth bothering with the actual Pro Bowl match any more? Playing it the week before the Super Bowl, instead of the week after, means that no one from the SB teams will be in it – no Steelers or Packers this year – and the guys who just couldn’t be ersed because they’re too rich to be bothered about $25,000, or $45,000 for a win, won’t be there, either. Maybe it would be better to pick a couple of fantasy teams and just leave it at that from now on.
Sunday, 30 January 2011
They just don’t get it
Gadaffy, displaced a king in Libya, became ruler for life but pretends he’s not the new king of Libya. Mubarak, thinks he’s entitled to be president for life of Egypt, and sacking his government will deflect a discontented population’s attention away from their main problem, namely him. What a funny old world it is, and no mistake!
And now we’ve got A. Campbell, New Labour spin doctor and war-monger, expecting people to feel sorry for him because someone’s nicked a couple of bikes from his shed. Obviously, no one has told him that bad things happen to bad people. But not often enough.
And now we’ve got A. Campbell, New Labour spin doctor and war-monger, expecting people to feel sorry for him because someone’s nicked a couple of bikes from his shed. Obviously, no one has told him that bad things happen to bad people. But not often enough.
Saturday, 29 January 2011
Olds, Not News
Is it news that supermarkets have been pumping bacon full of water? Not to anyone who’s ever opened a packet of supermarket bacon and had to pour the water in it down the sink. There’s obviously not enough protesters being killed by the regime in Egypt to fill up the newspapers.
And another thing. Who’s going to want pills made out of red grape skins, which are supposed to stop heart attacks and cancer and all sorts of other stuff, when you can get the antioxidant stuff in bottles of wine in a much more palatable form?
And another thing. Who’s going to want pills made out of red grape skins, which are supposed to stop heart attacks and cancer and all sorts of other stuff, when you can get the antioxidant stuff in bottles of wine in a much more palatable form?
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
No new? Good!
Watching the lunchtime TV news today, I was struck by all the non-news stuff padding it out. Like some soldier in Afghanistan dialling the wrong number and leaving a personal message on the wrong woman’s answering service.
Is that the best they can do? I asked myself. And then I realized that maybe we’re safer if there’s nothing newsworthy happening around the world. Because the worst disasters always start with some idiot doing something that seems like a great idea at the time.
Is that the best they can do? I asked myself. And then I realized that maybe we’re safer if there’s nothing newsworthy happening around the world. Because the worst disasters always start with some idiot doing something that seems like a great idea at the time.
Monday, 24 January 2011
Further To Yesterday . . .
The Association of Miscellaneous Sexual Deviants is being allowed to feature its members in school exams, thanks to a grant from the Training & Development Agency for Schools, a New Labour quango. The AMSD-oriented questions include the likes of:
MATHS: If two transvestites can dig three holes in two hours, how many holes could they dig if they weren’t wearing frocks?
GEOGRAPHY: If two lesbians try to ride their bikes across Africa, in which country are the bikes most likely to be stolen?
Tony “Education, Education, Education” Blair always wanted a legacy. I wonder how chuffed he is with the one he got?
MATHS: If two transvestites can dig three holes in two hours, how many holes could they dig if they weren’t wearing frocks?
GEOGRAPHY: If two lesbians try to ride their bikes across Africa, in which country are the bikes most likely to be stolen?
Tony “Education, Education, Education” Blair always wanted a legacy. I wonder how chuffed he is with the one he got?
Sunday, 23 January 2011
Govori, “Nyet!”
This whole phobia thing is totally out of control. You get stupid politicians [tautology, Ed.] telling people they can’t be xenophobic, by law, when what they really mean is they don’t think you should have the right to be disgusted by the disgusting habits of other people – mainly foreigners.
So the proposal is on the table to ditch “phobia” and go for a simple “nyet” instead. Islamophobia is out and Islamnyet is in for people who want nothing to do with murderous faux Islamicists. Likewise, homosexnyet for those who don’t think homosexualists deserve special rights, and xenonyet for people who don’t want to be forced to have anything to do with the weird customs and diet of foreigners in their own country.
I think you get the picture – just say, “Nyet!” when confronted with “xenos” and demand your human right to have your own preferences respected by intolerant minorities and petty burrocrats.
So the proposal is on the table to ditch “phobia” and go for a simple “nyet” instead. Islamophobia is out and Islamnyet is in for people who want nothing to do with murderous faux Islamicists. Likewise, homosexnyet for those who don’t think homosexualists deserve special rights, and xenonyet for people who don’t want to be forced to have anything to do with the weird customs and diet of foreigners in their own country.
I think you get the picture – just say, “Nyet!” when confronted with “xenos” and demand your human right to have your own preferences respected by intolerant minorities and petty burrocrats.
Saturday, 22 January 2011
Restricted Vision
We don’t get fogs like the ones we used to get in the 20th century. The fogs last Thursday were so-so, but I remember one in the late 1960s or early 1970s because everyone got to go home early from work on that day. And you could walk faster than the buses were crawling along. There’s not been another like it since (where I’ve been, at any rate). Probably something to do with Gorbal Warming.
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