Guess again

Crossword clue: User of book. Answer: table engineer (who compensates for a short leg by putting a book under it)
    Nope, too long.

Match of the Century

The best quotes are: “It feels like the last time we beat the Germans @ football was in 1066, not 1966.” and “If they’d got over their knee fixation quicker, they could have made it four-nil.”
    No surprise that there were accusations of sneakily playing loud music and putting fake crowd noise on the PA system to censor/cancel the boos for the Knee of Shame display.

Farewell to Fox today

Victim of the Disney cancel culture. No more The Mental Case, no more jury foremen doing that daft, endless dramatic pause before they pronounce Mr. Cologne’s client not guilty, no more endless repetition of the same old same old plugs for programmes I’d never dream of watching.
    Subscribe to Disney? No chance.

Off the bike, on the deck

Will there be any dust left in France? Because the Autour de France bikers seem to be doing their best to bite all of it up with their persistent crashes.
    Mark Cavendish won a stage at the grand old age of 35? Well, he is British; from the Isle of Man; which has to be a huge advantage.

Illiterature

“Germany Do Not Scare Us”? What hope is there for literacy in the nation if newspaper headliners don’t know that the ‘Do’ should be a ‘Does’?

Getting philosophical

Doing something repeatedly and expecting different outcomes is not as pointless as it sounds. No action can be repeated exactly by a human, and thus a different outcome is not an unreasonable expectation. On the contrary, it is what always happens, even if the difference is undetectable by humans.

Fox Update

Apparently, the Disney monster, which bought Fox, thinks that people will pay extra cash to view the shows that used to be on this channel. Good luck with that.

Curious obsession

What is it with Americans and candles? It’s a wonder more of them don’t get burn to the ground with them resorting to such an obvious fire hazard given the slightest excuse.

Not impressed. Not even a bit

Was it newsworthy that the new Health Secretary ‘speaks for the first time’, as the BBC News wanted us to believe? No, it’s something that was always going to happen as politicians are congenitally unable to keep their trap shut.
    It’s just BBC junk journalism.

Spreaders’ Paradise

A good place to catch the Chinese plague looks like on the sidelines, watching Autour de France.

Unshaken, unStyrian

A bit of argy-bargy in the first lap of the Austrian Grand Prix then nothing to get excited about up to the first adverts. And that was the story of the rest of it. Red Bull still rules.
    Get orf yer knees!

Sinister going on

Why has the Daily Mail cancelled the Fox Channel from its weekend TV listing magazine? Got at by the American Looney Left? Or Sky, which seems to be getting disproportionate space.

No, actually, it ain’t

Is not being able to feel pain a ‘superhuman’ condition? Not if it lets you do severe damage to your body without any warning that something terrible is happening.

Calm down, dears!

It’s all very synthetic, the comms working themselves into a lather during lap 1 of a 26-lap MotoGP race. You can’t win on the first lap. All you can do is lose by crashing.
    Rossi scrapped his bike on lap 7. Miller was gone with 12 laps left. Marc Marquez worked his way up from the back to finish 7th behind a Yamaha 1-2.

More close racing

Two crashes on the opening lap of Moto2, including Arbolino’s bike flying into a plastic safety screen above the side barrier. Sam Lowes led briefly at the end of lap 1. Another crash on lap 3/24. “It’s like Moto3!” yelled the comms.
    Four riders off the front. Then just one. Lowes finished 4th.

Suspicion, Suspicion

A dozy spectator caused the first major crash in yesterday’s Tour de France opener? Or was it a plot by someone trying for a betting coup?

Meanwhile, in Holland

More penalties than you can shake a stick at distorted the grid for the Assen Moto3 race; dozy riders and fierce stewards. No one fell off until lap 10/22 – two gone. Another with 8 laps to go. Must be a track that promotes smooth riding.
    There was a big battle among the leading 7 as the finish drew near; 7th place of John McPhee.

Today’s View

Oh, the relief for former Health Secretary Hancock! No more being moaned at by armchair morons & political hypocrites. And it’s time for the other plague rule violators to put their money where their mouths are.

Yesterday’s View

The main accusation against Health Secretary Matt Hancock seems to be that he dared to enjoy himself at a time when some people were feeling miserable and upset them to a state of vindictiveness.
    Should he resign? Only if everyone who ignored the rules for the plague and got away with it pays a voluntary fine of £100. If it’s the same rule for everyone, everyone should share the liability, not just government ministers.

Also Disconnected

The least convincing thing you see in a cop show has to be the ransom or whatever note from the bad guys composed with single letters cut out of magazines and pasted on a sheet of typing paper. No one would do that in real life. Especially not in the 21st century.

Sound reason

Why don’t I boycott Fox to escape the appalling interprogramme junk? Because no one else is showing repeats of The Mental Case.

Disconnected from reality

The bigger the company, the dafter its communication system. Someone who needed a job done by Electricity North West was contacted by the Services department about the appointment.
    He had a phone call to confirm his post code, house number and name; he even spelled the name. The young lady said she’d send a letter of confirmation.
    The letter arrived the next day; addressed to The Occupant and Dear The Occupant.

Better off than on

Which is the most annoying advert on Fox? Has to be the one for Fox Comedy and American Dad. Excruciating; quick, the mute button; aaaaahhh! Mind you, if I never see the one about General Westmoreland again, I won’t object.

Somewhat better

AEW is just over 2 hours long. The latest opened with a play pen match with the weird lady ref in charge. Different. Won by Hagar the Horrible. Two more matches in the first hour, three more in the next. And all the usual crap. But still better than WW.

Me, me, me

Despite all the fulminating by Greater Manchester’s joke of a mayor, his chances of getting any compensation out of the Scottish government for the travel ban remains @ zero. And the cynical chancer Burnham knows it.

Stunning Concept

I was surprised to be told that the Daily Mail Wine Club is having an end-of-year Mystery Case Sale. Have I gone to sleep and woken up to find it’s suddenly December? No, in fact it’s the end of the financial year that’s being marked.
    Looks like this could be a future trend; sales to mark the end of each year – Chinese, Jewish, etc. – in the name of diversity!

Unexpected Diversity

I normally associate idiots with rips across both knees of their trousers with fashion-victim women, who don’t care if they look like an idiot. But I actually saw a bloke with trousers like that locally the other day. And another bloke in an episode of a TV cop show.
    There is no getting away from weirdos of both sexes.

Good news

I’ve had a look at the list of companies boycotting GB News and I don’t use products or services from any of them. Which will make operating my personal boycott against them so much easier.

Negative Waves

If telling the TV audience that your firm’s used cars are carefully reconditioned, does that imply that everyone else’s dodgy cars are refurbed carelessly? Or not at all? If so, we need to be told about it.

Just not trying (or being very trying)

WW RAW is a two and a half hour show in repeat. Number of matches in the first hour? 2. Two more plus Alexa and her Scots WonderWoman in the next hour. And Crap In A Cell in the last half hour.
    Proof that talk is cheap and pretty much all that’s on offer.

Being Helpful

I understand there’s a charity called Pregnant Then Screwed. Might I suggest that a more accurate name would be Pregnant Then Screwed Again? No charge for the suggestion.

New slant

According to the Daily Mail, that car crash in Paris was all Princess Diana’s fault. If she hadn’t started a row with the government over landmines, she would never have set in motion the chain of events that led to her death.

No actual continuity

Is there any point in telling us at 2 minutes to 10 p.m. what will be on TV @ 8 tomorrow nite? The information just goes in one ear and out the other, and it is completely lost by 10 p.m. tonite.

Political crapness of long endurance

I’ve just started re-reading From Potter’s Field by Patricia Cornwell, which was published in 1995, 25 years ago. Cops back then, I was surprised to read, were being sent on ineffective cultural diversity courses. But hey, if the in-people are making cash out of a scam, it will endure. And they will probably still be running it 25 years from now.

Nothing changes

I’ve just finished a trip through the 2018 collection of cartoons by Giles, the immortal artist of the Daily & Sunday Express. They are from the 1950s to the 1980s, and reveal that the nation’s airports were chaotic disaster areas queuewise back in the 20th century – just as they are now.

Guess again

Why would anyone take seriously a TV prog called Impossible Animals? If they are impossible, they don’t exist and you can’t make a prog about them.

Only fair

One of the weirder consequences of the cancel culture is a suggestion that all Rhodes Scholars should be obliterated as beneficiaries of slavery. That would chuck a whole tribe of cats among the pigeons!

Beyond belief

Reading that there are people who think global warming will lead to a mass extinction like the one that did for the dinosaurs, and the human race will be on the receiving end of it, leaves me wondering why the nation’s weirdos can’t get a useful hobby instead of one that scares the pants off them.

Mustard not cut

Something else mysterious is why they keep showing The Legend of Zorro on the Syfy Channel. Are there no monster movies they could be showing instead?

Very curious

Why would an old folks’ home be called Forest Lawns? There are no lawns in forests and not that many trees in lawns. Urban Meadows, anyone?

Moron 4 wheels

The French Grand Prix was held on a very colourful & jazzy track. ‘Don’t screw with the blue!’
    “We race as one” – but one what? Banana? Piranha?
    Better race strategy by Red Bull than the moron @ Mercedes? Yup. Maybe it would be a good idea for certain people to get off their knees and concentrate on the job in hand.

More on 4 wheels

I see Sky has put IndyCars on its Mix channel to get some viewers – including accidental ones like me. The season, apparently, is half over and we were @ Road America in Wisconsin, not a boring oval track. Elbows out when the other guy gets pushy.

Sussed

Are descendants of P.T. Barnum now running the WW? It has sunk to the level of a freak show with all the seven-foot minders. The first half of this week’s SmackDown was fast forward fodder. Like the rest of it.

Rewrite! Rewrite!

Bad guys busted whilst trying to kidnap Lt. Dax after accusing her of treason & the murder of the head bad guy’s father. What should Captain Cisco of Deep Space 9 do? Space the lot of them would make the problem go away.
    But then the scriptrotters would have to come up with something better. But one would expect the saintly Dorothy Fontana & her accomplice to be up to the job.

Go, Marquez!

Will it start raining 30 minutes into the MotoGP race? Marc Marquez swept into the lead on the first lap of 30. White flags were waved on lap 9 and swapping to a bike with a wet setup became an option. No one took it.
    Could Olivera catch Marquez with better tyres? Nope.

More from Germany

Corsi, back of the grid, crashed @ turn 1 on lap 1 of Moto2. Short day. Gardner & Fernandez went off the front; until Fernandez crashed on lap 5.
    Bash-crash, like Moto3, over the next few laps. Gardner was out of sight for his 3rd win on the trot and 3 crashes on the last lap promoted Sam Lowes to 5th!

Bad guy mystery

Why is it bad guys are so afraid of being seen talking to cops? In TV series, at least. Is there an automatic assumption that they are such pathetic pieces of crap that they are bound to spill all the beenz going?

Deutsche delight

The stewards had made menacing noises before the German Moto3 race and Basher Binder ended up at the back after a long lap penalty for causing a crash. But there were so many crashes to come that he ended up just in the points.
    McPhee just missed being involved in a 3-bike crash with 15/27 laps to go, and lost touch with the leaders. Two more crashes with 13 to go.
    There was some dodgy driving at the end of lap 26! And Acosta racked up his 4th win of the season.

Purposeless Pillock

What sort of brain-dead moron asked Matt Hancock if our health secretary thinks he’s useless following the latest pop from Volcano Cummings? Like he’s going to agree.

Not much of a joke

A film about a violent football hooligan on the Comedy Central channel? What on earth have the programme pickers been smoking!

Bright idea

A mutual head-but in AEW is a ‘meeting of minds’, according to Good Old J.R. Nice one!

Well, why not?

Still with AEW: does that lady ref have a drama coach to teach her all the weird gestures and postures she uses? Watching her can be more entertaining than what the grapplers are doing. It’s the same concept as actors using a bonkographer for the porn scenes in cinema films.

Name Games

Christian seemed quite happy to have one name in the WW. He’s now Christian Cage in AEW. Are we supposed to think he’s now someone else Like Mr. Moxley or the former Big Show?

Nice one!

That was a great quip Julie Burchill shared with us when explaining why she has abandoned Twatter – wonks probably accuse the milkman of being racialist for delivering only white milk. Sounds highly likely.
    Her experience will certainly make me think twice about ever buying the Telegraph again.

Market Opportunity

In these days of computer wizardry, I’m surprised someone hasn’t come up with a voice modification App, which makes an Indian phone scammer sound not-Indian.
    Okay, you’ll still realize what they’re up to when they mention the magic word ‘internet’ and start telling you that you’re not getting the proper broadband speed and they can fix it for you, but it would show they’re making a bit of an effort.

No inquiry needed

100% of the blame for the Manchester Arena bombing has to fall on the exploding Islamist and all those who encouraged him and gave his his sense of entitlement. End of.

Better strategy

It’s a film cliché when tying someone to something solid to put loops of rope round the victim’s arms and chest and the anchor. But if the bonds would be much more secure if they went round just the chest and the arms were tied separately. Strange no one else has come up with that.

Oh . . . no

It was bad enough when that dummox Q was making life a misery for Captain Picard. But to see him at the start of an episode of Deep Space 9 makes the heart sink like the proverbial stone.

New act needed

How long is it going to take Desperate Dom Cummings to find a new hobby? Because no one is that interested in his shock-horror revelations any more.

Some actual entertainment

Big surprise to see Alexa in the ring again in WW Raw. Up against a woman who was quite literally twice her size! And winning. More!

Desperation Time

A Trivial-Democrat Lord is trying to blame the UK getting nul points in the Eurovision Song Contest on the Brexit Minister. That’s scraping right through the barrel.

Wonderful future!

The Warmists have nothing to offer but floods everywhere and storms blasting electricity pylons, leaving areas which aren’t flooded with no power for recharging electric cars. Sounds like the wisest thing to do would just to be to give up right now.

What went wrong?

A spot of reading of recent history told me that the Warmists were predicting back in 2004 that Mount Snowdon would be free of snow by 2013 and the name would have to be changed to eliminate the ‘snow’ part.
    I wonder how that didn’t happen!

Not 3 Bad

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016) has Tom Cruise, 5' 7", playing the hero, who is 7' 5" or thereabouts. It’s a lot like the Cussler novel I’m reading at the moment – Havana Storm (2014) – something goes horribly wrong every 5 minutes, which would be terrible exhausting in real life.

Alternative viewpoint

Keeping the news tape at the bottom of the screen going through the GB News advert breaks is a good idea. Until the advertisers complain about the distraction and get it stopped!

Visual Effect

If there’s a docks scene in a film, there’s always some pratt doing something that’s sending showers of red-hot metal sparks flying all over the shop. Real life or cliché? I suspect the latter.

Do join in

Nice to see that Spanish football supporters have decided to boo their national side if it does the Knee of Shame, something which it hasn’t done pre-Euros.

No way

Should you ever trust a politician? Not if they do a U-turn as fast as the one our PM has done on the issue of booing the England football team when they do the Knee of Shame in support of anarchists and criminals.

Redo, reboot

GB News with its talking heads format should really be called GB Views. Which is actually part of one of their email addresses.

Useless then, still useless

17 years ago, the New Labour wonks at the Home Office realized that the millions of pounds of taxpayers’ cash which had been blown on making criminals apologize to their victims had been wasted. A ‘repentant’ criminal was just as likely to seize an opportunity to offend again as an unrepentant one.

In need of cancellation

Some recent reading reminded me that there’s a headmaster at an English school who has banned history lessons because they are only about white kings & queens. Which just underlines that you don’t need a working brain to be in a position of authority these days.
    If there is at least one head who thinks history ought to be distorted to include people who were no part of it, welcome to the Kingdom of Moronia.

Could be worthwhile

I tried out the new GB News channel (626 on my TV) yesterday. The news tape at the bottom of the screen is a decent size and offers a fair bit of information. But the presenters can be cut off in mid-word for adverts. And whenever I switched over during an ad-break in the film I was watching, there were talking heads rather than someone offering lots of news.

Yawn

Best bit of the latest WW SmackDown? Pizzaro smacking the whinger Rollins down. Shame he didn’t do it to Roman as well. Way too much bloody whingeing and way too much crap in the rest.

The cat diet

You’re having a solo meal in front of the TV and the cat parks herself on your lap just after you finish the first course. So you abandon the second course to avoid distrubing your little furry friend.

The colours game

Is it particularly heinous for a zillionaire to be driven to an extra-marital encounter in a gold Porsche? Would it be okay had the car been, say, red? Or black?

Only fair

If displaying pictures of The Queen is now banned to avoid reminding foreigners that they’re in Britain, is the United States going to have to ban all those American flags, which are everywhere, to avoid giving offence to visitors from other lands?

Decisions, decisions!

Do I switch on for the start of the England football match tonight so I can boo the wonks if they take the Knee of Shame in support of abolishing the police? And then switch off.

Useless pillocks

The BBC News channel was at it again last night, repeating the same pair of lines about a possible delay to unlocking over and over and over and over and over again. Mindlessly.
    Maybe it’s time to hang someone to encourage les autres.

Only unimportant stuff affected?

Apparently, the internet crashed last Tuesday. Can’t say I noticed anything strange going on and I was using it most of the morning and early afternoon.

Dosh down the drain

It would be interesting to know how much the current kneeling campaign is costing the footballing industry in lost sponsorship from the gambling firms, which are seeing a drop in business because people are not watching wonks play and not seeing all the gambling adverts.

Include me out

Will I be celebrating Parents Who Have Not Given Birth’s Day a week on Sunday? It’s unlikely.

Not so special

A special relationship in which the US tells the UK what we can and can’t do is not one we should be encouraging. And it’s up to the PM to make that perfectly crystal clear to President Biden as many times as it takes for the message to penetrate.

Westminster Dunce

The reason why Andrew Mitchell is an ex-minister (Cons.) is clear. The Treasury said restoring the cut of £4 billion/year in the foreign aid budget would put 1p on income tax. Mitchell, who was cancelled by the police-confected Plebgate shambles, complained that the 1p would raise £6 billion.
    He’s obviously too thick to get the fact that income tax is so many whole pence in the pound with no fractions or decimal points. Or just too full of himself to be bothered.

Mental, or what!

The Mental Case, series 1, episode 21 – Patrick Jane decides a woman isn’t a real doctor because she has legible handwriting and social skills! You’d think a skilled confidence trickster could do a lot better than that.

Banking BY Dummies (not for)

I have an unwanted Lloyds bank saving account with just a couple of quid in it paying a derisory 0.01% interest. I would have closed it years ago but there isn’t a way to do it on the website and Lloyds has closed all its branches within walking distance of where I live.
    I’ve now had a letter telling me they’re going to close the account for me as I haven’t used it for years. Unless I spend hours waiting on a phone line to tell them not to.
    The banking industry would have us believe that it is run by smart, caring people. Not in my experience, it ain’t.

Incomplete slogan

“HOPE BEATS HATE” is missing: “0.00001% of the time”.

Persistence pays off

By being outside with my eclipse viewer in my hand and willing the clouds to part, I actually got a look at the eclipsed Sun at around 11:30 a.m. Unlike all the pictures I’ve seen telling me about it, the shadow was at the top of the solar disc, and going down to about a quarter of the Sun’s diameter.

Career move?

One gets the impression that the Guru of Gloop, Gwinnie Paltrow, could remake Buster Keaton’s films as she has the Stoneface look off to a T.

No surprise

Partial eclipse of the Sun visible in England this morning, so what do we get? Horizon to horizon clouds.

All not lost

There’s always the catch-up option for keeping track of AEW. Nice, jazzy outfit on one of the young ladies but specs in the ring? Oh, it’s face paint. Weird!

Someone has to do it

Purple Bricks – official estate agent of the KGB! Did the TV advert really say that?

Elusive

You have to keep your wits about you to keep up with the other TV wrestling franchise. AEW has been out of its usual Friday slot and all over the shop recently.

Curious legend

That WW ‘Head of the Table’ concept is rather insulting to the rest of the family. Roman is the one who does all the work and provides for the rest, who are just a bunch of idle layabouts and parasites. Charming!

Poor Stock

It doesn’t say much for the quality of human beans if the TV begging ad is right and 50% of them will get cancer.

Credibility gap

Switched on for the next programme and saw Dr. Bull and his sidekick Mr. Cologne getting someone unfortunate busted for jury tampering! Which is what they do in every episode.
    There ain’t no justice like American justice coz there ain’t no justice there.

Sad Decline

If it’s not already there, the WW is heading for rebranding as Snivelling Gits R Us. Especially thanks to Roman what’shisface and Snivelling Rollins. If Roman is the Head of the Table, the arse end must be truly tragic.

War is unaffordable

If it costs £14 Billion to develop a tank which won’t go faster than 20 mph, can’t fire its gun on the move and shakes the crew about so much that they have to stop and rest every 90 minutes, is there enough cash in the known universe to let our MoD develop a tank that works?
    No danger of any of the useless pillocks getting the sack, of course.

Just routine

‘There is division among scientists over unlocking on June 21st’, we are told. The whole rest of us would fall over in amazement if there weren’t, given the ability of so-called experts to reach diametrically opposed conclusions based on the same data and their personal agendas.

No rush to book a ticket

‘London to New York in 3½ hours is back’ yelled the headline on a feature about Overture, the Concorde-clone supersonic airliner. Then read the small print. It’s the airliner of the future and probably won’t be in service for a decade.

What a world!

On the one hand, you have an NHS full of vaccine refuseniks with the alleged ’uman right not to have it. On the other hand, you have hospital patients who don’t want to be treated by plague carriers.
    And in the middle, the ’uman rights lawyers raking in cash.

Rubber mayhem

It made a change to have tyres as the main story @ the Azerbaijan street race up to nearly the end. And then Louie Hamilton bogged things up spectacularly and Did Not Score. Presumably in the interests of not getting too far ahead of Verstappen and keeping F1 a little bit interesting.
    Had another look at the B Bloody C News channel. Still the same 3 lines @ the bottom of the screen about something that was old news. Unacceptable, in the jargon of the day.

Bloody Useless Broadcasting Company

I switched over to the BBC News channel at intervals through yesterday and the ticker at the bottom of the screen was showing just the same 3 items about Prince Hairy having a daughter days ago all bloody day.
    What about the rest of the real news? It was June the 6th and D-Day+77 and the new memorial was unveiled. Not a bloody word about that.

Not too fevered

Moto2 was too long a race to do anything daft. Poor start for Sam Lowes, but no one crashed him out this week. There were occasional crashes. Gardner found himself in the lead almost by accident and made himself unassailable to claim his second win on the trot.

Yes, Great TV

If there’s a classic episode of Starsky & Hutch, it has to be the gambling truck episode, which was on last night on the renamed Paramount Channel.

More best of

No sedate, ‘save the tyres’ start to the Catalan MotoGP race, and a couple of crashes in the early laps. Then things calmed down. Until Marq Marquez went out @ turn 10 on lap 8/24 when he was ‘right in it’ despite having an inferior Honda.
    More trying too hard crashes, including Rossi Sr. Quateraro was riding bare-chested with his jacket wide open with 3 laps to go, and not stopped on safety grounds!!
    Could Zarco pass Olivera for his first win on the last lap? Nope. And a time penalty on Quateraro dropped him to 4th behind Jack Miller. 21 started, 15 finished.

Not cut, not dried

Typical, ain’t it! The experts put 3,500 questionnaires through their computer and decide that how people get along with their cat has to fall into one of five categories.
    But when the Mansion cat and I examined them, we agreed that our relationship is none of the above. Get out of that.

The best of biking

Rossi Jr. fell off on the warm-up lap of the Catalan Moto3 race. Lap after lap with no one falling off until McPhee did it in the lead with 12/21 laps to go, and his bike took out 2 others. Acosta was up to the lead from 25th on the grid!
    Some silly & aggressive moves, and a lot of surfing of the track limits. Mayhem at the start of the last lap as no one wanted to be in the lead! Acosta was shunted back to 13th. There was a crasher and a red flag but Garcia was allowed to keep his win. One of the best Moto3 races ever.

Waste of space

That’s the only possible conclusion about the people who dig back into the garbage on social meeja, looking for something unfortunate someone now currently fashionable wrote a dozen or so years in the past. They should be thrust into the stocks and pelted with rotten veg until the undertake to get a life and do something useful.

Successor needed urgently

Where’s Michael Winner when you need him? Gone to his reward, unfortunately. What we need now is a successor who will tell SAGE to “Calm down, dears” when they get their collective knickers in a twist over a new plague variant, like the one brewed up in Nepal, and the alleged experts start spreading baseless scare stories about it making vaccines ineffective and everyone should go and hide in a cave.

Bit of a handicap

Why is Israel’s PM For Life so worried about being ousted from his job by a looney left coalition, which is bound to drop to bits quite quickly?
    Because he won’t be able to organize a pardon for himself if he’s convicted of fraud. Nothing like a spot of self-interest to concentrate the mind.

They could get it right for once

The Conversation Regulator is investigating FakeBuk, Old Clothears heard. Which sounds like the right job title!

Racket sport

I was surprised to read that the disapprovers among the 8,000 space-out supporters at an England/Austria football match managed to drown out the broadcast commentators with their booing when the players took the Knee of Shame. They must have strong lungs in the North-East!

Lessons not learnt

You’d think people would know by now what a terrible idea it is to got to a cabin in the woods. But if they stopped doing it, I suppose the Horror Channel on TV would struggle to find enough films to put between the adverts.

Decisions, Decisions

If they made dithering on the doorstep over whether to go out or not an Olympic sport, the Mansion cat would have a boxful of gold medals!

Slogan on, brain off

“THIS IS A PUB SAFE PUB” looks like it’s missing some punctuation or a few words. But, no doubt, someone copped for a fistful of cash for coming up with it.

More Iggorance

“Summer makes a splash” was the headline for pix of birds in bathing suits. But Mr. Editor, summer doesn’t start until the 3rd Sunday of this month. And that headline was for the May Bank Holiday No. 2.

Surprise!

Prince Harry’s mental health problems are not due to the way his dad treated him or the news media not following his orders to the letter. Global warming is to blame. Well, why not?

Had to happen

The French ban on visitors from the UK loses all its impact when you read that the shirkers at their airports are going to be leaping out on strike again.

BBC News? Forget it!

The thing that’s totally useless about the little bits of headline news at the bottom of the BBC News channel screen is the way they can be just repetition of the same couple of lines endlessly.
    No attempt is made to include all the other stuff going on here and around the world. Totally crap compared with the Al Jazeera tickertape.

Not 100% – nothing is

‘How can we claim to be a responsible & caring society?’ complains someone who feels let down by it.
    The response has to be: ‘On the basis of being like that by and large – after taking human error, bad judgement and living in a Universe which hates us into consideration.’

Self-inflicted

I was amused to read that the American cities which cut their police budget following all the George Floyd riots are now having to boost them again following a massive crime wave.
    Nothing like giving the Bad Guys a spot of encouragement.

No surprise there

Some of the health industry boffins are putting their money on a new strain of the Chinese plague with an unknown talent for spreading itself coming along before the Grand Unlocking on the 21st. It’s only being so cheerful as keeps us going.

Learning the rules

Schools have been told not to let pupils demonstrate in favour of Palestinian rights because criticising the conduct of the Israeli government is furthering the Labour left’s anti-Semitic agenda. Which teaches the kids that everyone has rights, but some command more respect than others?

No, ta!

All the secrets of Boris’s secret wedding! Pages 8-17.
    Yawn.

 

Unfair! Unfair!

How surprising that the acting profession isn’t up in arms over misappropriation of their description. Spies & hackers are now state actors. And now that term has been extended to criminal suspects.

Out of fashion?

Whatever happened to sub-dural haematomas? Once upon a time, everyone in TV shows was getting them. These days, no one any more.

Further to Friends . . .

That’s a nogative

Another of my World Records – the only person in the world who hasn’t read the story of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, the author of which has just died at 91. Never came across it.

Fickle Fate

Hero to zero instantly for poor old Marcus Rashford when his team lost the Europa League final, after extra time and on penalties. Winning is everything.