Tell ’em anything

Donald Trump has really upset the Democraps in the US if they’re claiming he encouraged Putin to invade Ukraine. Those whom the Gods would destroy, and all that.

No surprise

The world fell over in amazement when Russia was booted out of international football. But this nation of drug cheats and terrorists is still welcome at the Paralympics.

Stalin Mk II

That’s what Putin has become. Everyone in Russia knows he’s stark raving bonkers but they’re too scared of the other stooges to be the one who does something about him.
    So all they can do is hang around and wait for him to croak.

Yawn even more

Why the hell to we need a remake of The Ipcress File when we have the Michael Caine version? Total waste of time & money.

War is everywhere

Battle: Los Angeles (2011) on Great! Movies last night – an attack by evil, scum-sucking aliens. Pretty much like Battle: Kiev about 7,000 miles away and on the news channels.

Not for cancelling

Lembit Öpik, sometime Liberal MP, has the reputation for being a bit of an idiot. But after seeing him on GB Views last night, I felt that he comes across as quite a worthwhile bloke. Which just shows how false casual impressions can be.

Crap-ola

There are those who claim you can’t write wog any more. It has to be w**. Oh, dear, they’re being ignored.
    Workers On Government Service of the world unite. You have nothing to shed but your woke-wash.

Sack the bugger

What is the point of Maxwell Jerkoff on AEW? All he does is whinge a lot in his fake tartan scarf then stomp off in a huff. Oh, yes, and he orders some stooges around. Not much of a contribution to a wrestling show.

Just incidentals

Amol, Mathiss, Sopel – does anyone outside the BBC care if they’re in or out?
    Surprise! No one gives a camel’s hump.

Automatic doom

It’s not really possible to take someone seriously if his name is Brazilian Fred, as some footballer appears to be. It puts him on the same footing as Camberwell Clyde.

Unlikely

FIFA is said to be awash with Russian dosh, which makes it unlikely that Putin the Poisoner will be deprived of pretending that he’s the bee’s knees of international football. Not given FIFA’s history of corruption. There’s bound to be some wriggle.

Just not trying

I was amused by Oti Mabuse having to wear a shock frock to get noticed. Why doesn’t she just use the legendary mind-boggling powers inherited from her ancestor, Dr. Mabuse, to do the job effectively?

Another thought

Do we want DRAMATIC REPORTS & ANALYSIS of Putin the Poisoner’s invasion of Ukraine or would we rather have FACTUAL ones? I know which I’d prefer.

La-La Land

One minute, we’re watching all sorts of jolly BBC plugs for upcoming progs, the next, we’re watching Putin the Poisoner invading Ukraine. It certainly does wonders for your sense of reality.

Safe only a long way from him?

That was an interesting picture in the paper of Putin the Poisoner holding a meeting. His stooges were sitting 30 feet away from his desk in a vast room and he was having to use a public address system to harangue them.

You live and learn

Education is a wonderful thing. I’ve always connected Tonto with the Lone Ranger. It never occurred to me that Vlad the Putin going tonto was using a Spanish word meaning anything from stupid or silly to backward, pointless and just plain stoopid, according to the context.

Non-story

Are Madonna’s fans really ‘shocked’ to see a woman close to pension age with the complexion of a teenager, as a gossipy journo would have us believe?
    Of course not. The fans know all about photo-editing and false-facing. Probably from their own experience of doing it.

Proof-reader on holiday?

The Guess the Word feature in Monday's paper looked rather familiar. Turned out to be Friday's effort recycled!

Success Envy

It is really amazing how much someone who did well from humble beginnings upsets the looney left. There was a bloke on GB Views the other night who looked like he was choking with rage because Nadine Dorries, the Culture Sec., is a card-carrying millionaire.
    Through her own efforts from starting a business and writing novels, let us not forget, and thereby showing up all the idle loonies who didn’t have the gumption to do the same and think the world owes them a living.

Big Start

They must have a HUGE budget for the new-to-us cop show FBI on the Pick channel if they can blow up an entire building in a New York street along with all its contents.
    It’s amazing how well it separated from the rest of the city terrace; like an extracted tooth.

Not boggling

The sight of Labour’s deputy leader pretending to be on the side of law & order provokes nothing but cynical laughter. Some politicians will do anything for a ‘look at me!’ moment. The dottier they are, the more extreme and pointless their gesture.

Boggling

Something else you couldn’t make up is a pub landlord inventing reasons not to stock branded booze because of imaginary links with slavery or whatever.

The fix was in

The day after the Chinese Winter Olympics ended, Putin moved his tanks into the two eastern provinces of Ukraine, which are full of his stooges. No way is that a coincidence.

All about me

Newspaper columnists seem to think the world is all about them. If they failed to keep a husband interested, that puts them in Team Diana, an imaginary organization of rejected wives. But there doesn’t appear to be a Team Charles for the husbands. A failure of the diversifiers?

We’ve had enough, thanks

Message to Weather Control: We’ve had enough of your storms and we don’t need any more of them this year.

Definitely down, the dumbing

Could someone explain to the Daily Mail’s proof-reading computer when to use ‘who’ and when to use ‘whom’?
    Its lack of knowledge of basic grammar isn’t helping in these increasingly woke and illiterate times.

Sideways step

While everyone was expecting Putin to invade Ukraine, is his real destination Belarus because the regime there is unreliable? One small snag with that theory; no one gives a monkey’s about Belarus and he could just walk straight in.

Even more talk

Is there anything more annoying than a BBC newsreader reading out a statement about The Queen having a mild dose of the Chinese plague and then handing over to the royal correspondent, who then proceeds to read out exactly the same message over again?
    Make-work at the expense of the licence payer.

All talk

Labour’s deputy, Violent Angela, might talk tough but she’d never be able to tell the police to go and interfere with known burglars at 3 a.m. if she became Home Secretary. And she knows it. So she’s either having a giraffe or taking the Mick out of the party’s po-faced lawyer leader.
    Politics of the pointless, anyone?

Same again

A cosmetic sacking of the race official who rigged the last race of the Formula One season in favour of Red Bull doesn’t buy them any redemption if the false result is allowed to stand. F1 is still in the same box as the WW.

No sale

How can he be The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) if Peter Parker is still a punk kid at school? I hope his web stuff degrades quickly or he’ll have Noo Yawk @ a standstill.

Not a problem

A sensible place to live on an island is as far from the sea as possible so that approaching storms have to lose a lot of energy from friction with the ground and structures before they get to you.
    This seems to have worked well for the Mansion and its environs. A few big puddles in the usual spots but nothing at all dramatic from storms Doris & Eunice.

Triffic Crossword Clue

Archbishop of Canterbury, say (4,2,4)
Give up? Bird of Pray!

Different

I was amused to read that the right-on police in New Zealand play what they hope will be annoying pop music at people making a nuisance of themselves in a public place. And the nuisances play annoying music back at the cops.
    At least the cops there don’t buy the bad guys lunch, like the ones here.

Good business

The BBC might rant on with the global warming swindlers about climate change but there’s nothing like a good spot of weather for filling up the news bulletins and sparing the Beeb the necessity to make up some fake news trivia about Boris or another of its enemies.

Strange

How curious that Watergate got Richard Nixon sacked by Spygate and Liegate are okay, as far as Mrs. Clinton is concerned. But then, the one was a Republican and the other is a Democrat, and different rules of conduct apply.

Alternate reality

“After the Bible, it became the best-selling non-fiction book in the world”, I read. Since when has the Bible been classed as non-fiction?

Identity Security

For what it’s worth, the Mansion cat has shown no inclination to identify as a human. Which just goes to confirm that cats are smarter than human beans.

Wot barrier?

The papers were going on about petrol reaching the 150p/litre ‘barrier’. Not around here, it isn’t. A barrier, I mean. I’ve seen it on offer at 152.9/litre locally.
    Whatever the market will stand is always the rule.

Spot right on

I’m also reading The Golden Age of Science Fiction: An Anthology (1981), which was compiled by Kingsley Amis. He offers “Amorphous chunks of wordage” as his description of the New Age, which followed the Golden one in the 1960s.
    And he is 100% right.
    Having seen issues of the previously excellent magazine New Worlds from the New Age era, I can understand why so many subscribers stopped.

High praise indeed

That ladies’ gauntlet match on WW Raw was worthy of a place on an ECW show. Shame about the Mizrable crap that followed it, but inevitably, I suppose.

Interesting notion

My current reading matter; sensational stuff trawled from 19th century newspapers; reckons that doctors back then found that a noseful of cocaine is an effective asthma treatment. Something for the urban coke-head to try on the cops next time she/he is busted?

Madcap of the Moment

That’s the award that should go to whoever thought up the idea of turning the nation’s electric cars into a vast, nation-wide battery for topping up the National Grid when they are parked at home, connected to their charge. Which will also act as a discharger.

Getting away with it?

The latest storm seems to have done a bit of fence-flattening, my neighbours report. None of mine. Yet. But with another storm coming tonight, no point in tempting fate by crowing too loudly.

Fantasy world

I read with some wonderment that HMRC has seized one of those Non-F Tokens for things that don’t have any physical existence. The taxman might be rubbish at catching up with fraudsters but depart from reality and he’s on the spot.

Another going?

The current Commons Speaker used to be a reasonable bloke, from all accounts. But he seems to have gone down the same road to an alternate reality that John Berco took.
    We haven’t had a sensible speaker since Betty Boothroyd was in the job. Is it something they’re putting in London’s water supply now?

One gone

Looks like the adulterous incompetent John Major has finally gone gaga if he thinks anyone will take any notice of him preaching ethics to PM Boris when he had none.
    Don’t do as I do in spades.

Madhouse

Calling the Chinese spy who bunged half a million quid to a Labour MP Fu Manchu was enough to get another MP booted out of the Labour group and barred from the bars @ the Commons for 6 months.
    Pathetic, or what!

No rival to Methusela

Of the 30 things you’re supposed to eat every week if you want to live 10 years longer, I eat seven or eight, and not all of them every week.
    Which means I’m going to live 2 years and 4 months longer than if I ate none at all of the vitals.
    Which is something, I suppose.

No trust anywhere

London’s pantomime mayor is getting the blame for playing politics over getting rid of Crass Dick, the head of the Met, one day after he gave her a week to come up with a plan for sanitizing the Met. The bloke who insisted on extending her contract is accused of complicity in a Labour plot to create even more fake news about partygate.
    Strange there’s no parallel investigation into what other MPs of other parties and their minions got up to.
    But perhaps there’s a limit on the amount of trivia allowed in The Universe.

Hit them where it hurts

The French and Canadian police seem to have done a good job of breaking up traffic jam protests when they were allowed to inflict fines on the pests. Shame the police here can’t do the same. But that would involve making an effort, which doesn’t seem to be allowed any more, especially in London.

Pull the other one

Does anyone really believe that Macron & Putin were at opposite ends of a 20-foot conference table because Macron refused to let the Russians do a PCR test on him for the Chinese plague in case they got a sample of his DNA? Which they probably have anyway. Making sure the increasingly fragile looking Putrid didn’t catch anything else from him is much more credible.

Also spot on

That was a pretty good Super Bowl we got at the weekend. Both teams got stuck in, particularly the defences, and the result was in doubt right up to the end.
    In fact, it could have finished like the Grey Cup with going into overtime. I was expecting the Rams to win but glad the Bengals gave them a few frights.

Cheat, cheat, cheat!

Crossword clue: Musical instrument (8)
    Bagpipes? No way!
Instrument of torture in hands of busker (8)
    Spot on.

Gone, just like that

How amazingly quickly London’s police chief was winkled out of her apparently secure sinecure. All it took was a cosmetic mayor playing politics and making her departure all about him.

They’re all at it

The saintly Judy Murray got all indignant about Sir Starmer being confronted by a mob at Parliament. Mobsters “chanting a lie repeated by PM Boris”, she claimed, which just ain’t true. It was one bloke accusing Starmer of being the paedophile’s friend.
    Then she topped it with the blatant fake news that the looney left mob of anti-vaxxers was being controlled from behind the scenes by the Tories!
    Honestly! You just can’t get dependable icons these days.

Today’s new normal

A reader in the Daily Mail was wondering if a bloke who can’t skate will win a Dancing on Ice show. Probably, because that’s what diversity & levelling up is all about.
    The appearance of success despite an obvious lack of talent.

Another way

The people making money out of Scotland’s history are moaning that not enough is being spent on preventing the collapse and decay of old buildings, which were never built to last for centuries, and old ruins that were made like that deliberately, e.g. Elgin Cathedral, which was burnt to the ground.
    The historians complain that the people who want to understand Scotland’s history, rather than have their town centre regenerated, need to visit old buildings.
    Fine. They can. In VR Scotland. When going to a virtual reality site becomes the tourism of the future. Everything will be there, including the ability to wander round old ruins safely without risking something big and heavy landing on your head when the place rots a bit more.

This is where we’ve gone

Is it really gross misconduct for a police officer to taser a violent child who is threatening her mother with a hammer and garden shears?
    As it is no longer possible to give the homicidal brat a clip round the ear, and touching her to restrain her invites the attention of the Paedo Squad, the choices come down to tasering the little monster or shooting her.

A modern myth

There is a really peculiar notion flying around that the quiz masters of TV shows are the brightest people in the galaxy. But let us not forget how easy is is to appear to be a genius when you have all the answers right in front of you and a staff to compile them for you.

Reality bites off another chunk

One of the latest episodes of WW Raw reminded us just how much an audience chant of of “You Suck!” sounds like “FK You!”. Ta, for that.

Worn out teeth too?

The experts reckon people should be eating 1,600 grammes of healthy foods per day if they want to live 8-10 years longer. Which comes to about twice as much as I eat in an average day.
    Midnight snacks, anyone?

We don’t bloody care

Memo to the self-centred newspaper columnist: Prince-consort Camilla doesn’t need your forgiveness and everything isn’t always about you.

All the news that’s fit to fake

Apparently, the cat that was booted by that footballer had just broken something expensive whilst scrawping about. But that is an inconvenient fact to the hate merchants and easily left out of their fake news.
    Similarly, the anti-vaxxers were harassing all the politicians they met and Sir Starmer being called the Paedo’s Pal was a trivial part of the incident.
    But the part the looney left media went with as it gave them a chance to slag off the PM.

Well ahead of time

I’m currently reading New Writings in SF 27, which dates back to 1975. There’s a story in it by Vera Johnson with the title The Day They Cut Off the Power, which is all about students sneakily trying to take over universities and finding themselves having to Shirk @ Home some 45 years before the Chinese plague did it to them.
    A different dystopia.

Not worth a full page

Does anyone other than the Daily Mail care that the actor Alec Baldwin and the disgraced BBC bod Martin Bashir went to an Indian eatery together? BFD.

More looney stuff

What does a mob of left-wing agitators razzing up Sir Beer Starmer have to do with the Prime Minister? Still, it gave him and his party a chance to play the poor little stinker card. Much good that will do them.

BBC Dickhead

There was the Foreign Sec., doing an interview, and the BBC pissant asked her if she thinks President Macron is doing a better job of buying off Putin’s threatened attack on Ukraine.
    Typical bloody BBC – going for the trivial, making it all about personalities and ignoring the stuff that matters.
    Which includes the fact that Macron was just doing a pre-election self-publicizing stunt with no reference to NATO, so anything he offered to Putin was undeliverable.

Recycling Riddle

A newspaper being recycled was open at Helen Mirren’s counterblast to M. Lipman’s assertion that a Jew should have played Golda Meir in a biopic, not Ms Mirren. Which left me wondering if Ms Lipman has addressed the consequences of her demand.
    If only Jews have the specialist knowledge needed to play a Jewish character, it follows that they lack the specialist knowledge & experience needed to play non-Jewish roles and they should be excluded from them.
    Get out of that!

Bradygate

Is the retired @ 44 Tom Brady a great player? He’s certainly one of the most successful NFL bods through his team choices. But no great player spends the initial weeks of a new season sitting on the sidelines because he’s been caught in the act of cheating.

Crash into the buffers

That old chestnut about people living to 900+ has cropped up again. It’s the Bible. It’s myths & legends with a scrap of fact almost obliterated. It’s not real.

Excuse cancelled

Oh, dear! Dr. Max in the Daily Mail reckons that sex addiction is a con job backed by clinics hoping to blag NHS cash. It’s the medicalization of promiscuity for blokes who can’t keep it in their pants. Like the saintly J.F.K.

But out, bozo!

Does anyone really care what overpaid smug gobsworth gary lineker says he thinks? Only those with less than 1 brain cell to rub together.

Fantasy time

Research by Which? claims that 58% of people have been affected by higher food prices, I read. What cobblers.
    100%, more like. Everything @ our local Sainsburys has gone up 5p or 10p and the Mansion cat’s usual scoff costs 10% more than the last purchase, I have been advised.
    Let us hope she appreciates it 10% more when she has scoffed her way through the current box.

Cute idea

The Americans have come up with an interesting way to deal with Islamic terrorist gang leaders. They surround the guy’s headquarters, shoot the place up a bit and wait for him to blow himself up.
    Zero casualties on the American side, just lots of bullets shot off. And the odd multi-million dollar helicopter written off when it failed in service.

Looking after a mate

How strange that the people who claim loyalty in politics is a good thing give the PM no credit for being loyal to the MP Owen Paterson, despite his having a sense of entitlement as big as all outdoors.

Redeemed

The newspaper lady put a sting in the tail by daring to notice that the people the BBC interviewed to complain about having to choose between eating and heating tended to have a Body Mass Index north of 30!

Your choice, lady

What do you say to the newspaper lady who moaned about the revival of Sex & the Squity being crap?
    “You cudda watched something else or switched off.”
    But then, she’d have had a big hole to fill in her column.

Afterthought

Sir Beer could be lucky to be alive. According to researchers at Aston University, the inside of a car is full of the world’s deadliest bacteria because they’re never cleaned properly.
    Shame if Sir Beer got a dose of something nasty as a result of being rescued.

Petard, hoist, own

That’s about all you can say about the police having to take Sir Starmer into protective custody outside Parliament. He who rouses the rabble must expect the mob to turn on him. But I suppose it’s too much to expect him to think before trying to knife a political opponent.

Do it again but be convincing this time

Prime Ministerial aide Munira Mirza resigning over the PM’s twit-for-tat remark about Savile & Sir Beer has to be the world’s flimsiest apology for a pretext. More a flounce than a resignation.
    She obviously doesn’t get the essential yaa-boo triviality of politics where hypocrisy is the expected standard.

Multiple standards?

How come we are still allowed to have a Black Thursday with racial sensitivity currently @ trash & burn fever pitch?
    Where are all the outraged protesters and the street-clogging demos?

Ooops!

How much have I lost touch with the NFL? Enough to think the weekend just gone was the Super Bowl weekend instead of the Pro Bowl Weekend to give everyone a week off to let the bruises fade. None of that nonsense in the CFL.

Calm down, dear!

Downing Street in meltdown over a few minion swaps? A headline writer being daft, more like. “Will the last one to leave please turn out the lights” is the height of stupidity.
    Are we supposed to believe that because a few minions have been replaced by others, the Downing Street factory is now standing empty?
    Maybe the headline writer had been on the booze with Sir Beer and he’d turned up to work in a state of confusion.

Clouds & cuckoos

Someone needs to mention to Sunday Post icon Judy Murray  that a warmer Britain is not a problem for lots of people facing huge rises in fuel bills. Also, as we’re not the cause of the warming, nowt done here will make a scrap of difference, no matter what spin is put on it by people trying to look virtuous.

Not sold on the hype

“It’s Fight Nite on WW SmackDown!” we were told. Well, not for the first 24 minutes, it wasn’t.

Unlikely but true

RIPD (2013) on the Comedy Channel last night? Dead cops chasing ’orrible monsters and there’s a plot to end all life. And that’s a comedy?
    Actually, yes, it is. And not a bad one.

Good for a laugh

You’ve bought some Queen’s Jubilee souvenirs from a firm in China, they’ve all got ‘Jubbly’ on them instead of ‘Jubilee’. Do you panic?
    Of course not, you sell them as unique souvenirs to people who want to laugh at the Chinese.

Rambling for fun & profit

On the other hand, if you’re well-known enough in your sporting activity and you’re prepared to give the Chinese Winter Olympics a plug, there could be $1,500 in it if their PR guy gets in touch.

Electronic junk

It’s a wonder footballers ever get any training or playing done if they have to follow everyone on the team and the management and coaches and all sorts of other time-wasters on social media. As well as doing some wasting of other people’s time with their own inane ramblings.

More of it

It’s more a groan than a laugh when you read about current Labour leader Sir Beer going on at the government over something he does himself. Same with his attack-dog deputy when he’s skiving off with yet another dose of the Chinese plague. How many is it now? Seven, eight, ten? Need a break? Claim you’ve got the plague. Magic.

Splateral Thinking

What else can you do but laugh when you read that the United Nations has put North Korea in charge of its nuclear weapons abolition forum? Why? Because it’s their turn to be in charge of something.

Nominaxia

2022 is the Year of the Weird Name. First Mabuse with its filmic connections but which arose in the context of some entertainer lady called Oti Mabuse complaining about people noticing she’s a fattie.
    The latest names are literary. I have come across a copy of Out Of This World 7, an ancient collection of SF stories edited by two ladies whose first names are Amabel & Mably. No one I’ve asked has come across any other examples of them.

Less reality

How strange that people should be moaning about an actress being pregnant whilst filming episodes of Call The Midwife aided by cute camerawork to hide the bulge.
    They are clearly not worried about showing themselves up as idiots who don’t know the difference between acting and an actor’s real life.

Small dose of reality

Someone needs to mention to friend Aaron the difference between mixing with people living hundreds of miles away and mixing with people you see every day as a means of moving a virus around the country.

They do go on; and on

PARTYGATE
7-PAGE SPECIAL
    Does the heart sink on seeing that? Not if the eye chooses to skip pages 4-9 and 16!
    But as a parting shot to page 2, the MP Aaron Bell is a fool for making his complaint about his grandma’s funeral. Everything isn’t about him. But being a politician, he probably doesn’t get that.

Pointless pillock

Labour’s boozy leader, Sir Beer Starmer, says the PM is a man with no shame. But if Boris hasn’t done anything to be ashamed of, he’s entitled not to have any. Which leaves sober people wondering what Sir Beer is wittering about.

Incidentally

Apparently, there’s a Super Bowl this weekend. Of the last four teams, the Rams vs the Bengals was what I was hoping to see. Surprise! I will!

That’s a lot of padding

If the Sue Gray report into the tedious trivialities of partygate is 500 pages long, we could assume that there is not a single nit left unpicked in politics. But that would be to deny the inventiveness of the civil service make-work ethic.

Price of disloyalty

The blame for the over £4 BILLION lost to plague loan fraud is being dumped on the Chancellor, who isn’t doing much to support his leader. He’s also been outed for telling the NCA not to bother investigating the Treasury’s failures. Get out of that, Mr. Leader in Waiting!

Different times

What huge doors they had in the olden days of the 20th century! That was my reaction to watching the 2-part opener to the Dr. Mabuse collection directed by Fritz Lang.

Brain in neutral?

Hudson & Rex starts on Sunday 13th February on Alibi, the continuity announcer announced. Followed by: “And now on Alibi . . . Hudson & Rex.”
    Not exactly joined-up TV.

Not excessive

Over 50% of the nation’s cats are obese? That puts the Mansion cat in the minority. No doubt those whose lap she chooses to park on are grateful for that!

Wonderland, anyone?

Russia is threatening to invade Ukraine, NATO doesn’t have an army in Ukraine but Russians think they’re about to be invaded by NATO? No wonder Tobias Ellwood got the sack as defence minister if that’s the way he thinks!

Just plain daft

Encouraging cyclists to ride in bunches in the middle of their side of the road confirms, if confirmation were needed, that there are not 2 brain cells to rub together in the Westminster Bubble.

Tough Choice

Which would be crueller – leaving children with young Scottish girls who couldn’t support them back in the mists of the 20th century or giving the children to adoptive parents who could provide for them?
    Not an issue the campaigners are addressing.