Good Story!

What will they come up with next! Apparently, thanks to global warming, rivers in the south of England are now warm enough to keep flesh-eating piranha fish alive. Which means that anyone caught in another round of floods has something else to watch out for; being eaten alive whilst wading about in their garden.

Originality: not BT Sport’s strong suit!

Has anyone else noticed that the BT Sport F.A. Cup self-promo is a Chinese copy of one of their payday loan adverts? Clearly, going for something new is something that BT Sport doesn’t do.

BT Sport: just a bunch of cowboys

It’s strange that BT has spent zillions of pounds on buying up the rights to sporting events but they lack the nous to put in place something as obvious as a continuity announcer to keep the customers informed. Thus when the Indy car programme failed to start at 8 p.m. last night, there was a lot of heckling of the pointless self-promos and irrelevant interviews that were shown instead. It looks like there’s just some bloke in a control room, playing bits of tape and switching in live feeds, and there’s no one there to tell the customers why the schedule has gone haywire.
    It would appear that the suits at BT are used to pigging it up in the hospitality tent but they have no idea how the day-to-day basics of TV should work, and they don’t have the sense to hire people who know how to run a TV channel.

Time to call them what they are

What do you call members of the public who rampage around with guns and take over government buildings? In this country, they would be called criminals and/or terrorists. In Ukraine, though, they are just “pro-Moscow separatists”, which makes them sound almost harmless. Maybe the world should be asking where these characters got their guns from in the first place and why they are being allowed to keep them if they are not legitimate members of the Ukrainian security forces.

British non-Broadcasting Corporation

It really sums up everything that’s wrong with the BBC if it feels that the public will be satisfied with dramas which offer lovely pictures but mumbling actors. “Okay, you can’t follow the plot, but who cares as long as it looks good?” is their attitude. “And if you really want to know the plot, go and read the book.”

Won’t make much difference, really!

It was amusing to read that Tracy, the “former model”, who claimed that she was a prisoner in her own home whilst junketing on falsely claimed benefits, has been sent to gaol. Being locked up in a little cell should be no hardship for a self-professed agoraphobic. In fact, she should be made to pay for the privilege.

Finally, some good news

So we can drink a bottle of wine a day, or 6 pints, and not drop dead at an early age? Tell us something we didn’t know. I noticed that the anti-booze lobby is calling the ex-WHO doctor’s news “unhelpful” – meaning it’s not helping the miserable bunch to spread doom and gloom. Shame!

No, nothing is sacred

If the government can prepare to sell details gathered by the NHS about the population, it comes as no surprise that HM Revenue & Customs is planning to do the same with its data. One wonders only what will be next.

Shock, horror!

Oh, no! Easter eggs are about to become a thing of the past because the Chinese have taken a liking to chocolate and the world can’t produce enough to satisfy their demand.

Blood Moon! Panic!!

Tuesday’s total eclipse of the Moon was the first of four; all total and unbroken by any partial eclipses. Surprise! Even though 4 in a row has happened 62 times in the last 2,000 years, the world’s catastrophists are busy claiming that after the 4th, which will take place on September 15th next year and be visible from Britain, the World Will End. Just like it did when the Mayan calendar ran out in December 2012 and started another cycle.

The living down to expectations

An interesting story in the Daily Disaster this morning: a jobsworth on a local council banned an annual Easter Passion Play because he didn’t spot the religious connection and thought it was some sort of sex show. Interestingly, the DD let its readers know that the council involved; Oxford; is run by Labour. Which carries the implication that someone liable to make this sort of stupid mistake would need a Labour council in power in order to be put in charge of the licencing department.

United Nation waste of money

Not only is the government wasting money on overseas aid – over £3 billion went to organizations with a track record for wasting cash in the last 4 years – our beloved Coalition is also handing the UN far too much money. As a result, we get bossy wimmin like Mrs. Manjoo from South Africa junketing here at our expense, then telling us we have the most sexist country in the world. Not to mention the softest touch for scroungers and people with non-jobs, like her.

By another way

That Lunar eclipse this morning: I got up early to watch it on the NASA website and there was a lot of disbelief floating around. I’ve seen actual eclipses in Britain and the moon doesn’t go red like that as seen by the human eyeball. Which just confirms my suspicion that all the pictures in the newspapers the next day are taken with some sort of filter which enhances the red to create a pretty but unrealistic picture. And NASA had them on its telescope.

By the way

In case anyone is interested, my tech guy ran into the young lad who had the benefit of the Lenovo laptop with Windows 8.1 and the AMD display hardware and software, which kept crashing all over the place. Apparently, the crashes keep happening in clusters but as the kid got the laptop for nothing, he’s prepared to put up with them and wait for it to get over its indigestion. But when he’s saved up enough for a super-duper computer system, he’s certain that he won’t get it from Lenovo and it won’t have anything from AMD in it!

Wallowing in wheels!

Motor sports fans had a real treat yesterday – the full MotoGP programme, featuring the Moto3, Moto2 and the main class, then the Indy car race around a street circuit @ Long Beach in California. And weren’t they please when the whingeing Aussie didn’t win and British driver Mike Conway held on to the lead to the finish.

Who organized this shambles?

I’ve just found out that the next total lunar eclipse, on April 15th, will miss us. Same with the one in October. And the year’s two partial solar eclipses will be similar dead losses, as far as the UK is concerned. Oh, well. No doubt it will be on the internet.

This mob is running the country?

Drunks, paedophiles and homosexual molesters – inhabitants of Her Majesty’s prisons? No, freeloaders at the House of Commons with the full protection of the Establishment, including MI5. We are forever being told that the majority of MPs are honest, decent people. So why don’t they refuse to tolerate the bad eggs instead of handing them knighthoods and peerages?

The dignity of Parliament? Joke!

Anyone surprised to hear that the House of Commons is full of drunks and sex-maniacs? It does confirm what the nation thinks of our Westminster Wonders – they’re paid too much and they have too little useful to do that they have more than enough time for mischief.

Wasting money? Must be the EU.

Yet another reason for getting the hell out of the EU: everyone is going to have to replace their vehicle licence plates with an EU approved design – and all in the name of putting an EU flag on the licence plate to gratify the egos of the eurocrat wastrels. Time, gentlemen, please!

Gone to be forgotten

Will anyone remember there was a culture secretary called Miller in a few months from now? It’s unlikely. Neither will anyone remember that Dave the Leader tried to apply the New Labour rule that no government minister can be guilty of a hanging offence, no matter how blatantly the crime was committed. So it goes.

New track, decent racing

Yesterday’s Grand Prix in Bahrain just underlined the need for getting rid of the old tracks in Formula One. Places like Monaco, which are supposed to be full of glamour, have few overtaking points and tend to be a dull procession with occasional crashes into the wall. But the guys can get stuck in on the new tracks, which are built for a spectacle.

Save yourself, but what about the world?

Another of these wonderful studies reckons that having baked beans every day will protect people from heart disease and the effects of bad cholesterol. But what about the methane production and global warming? Yet another case of a sad lack of joined-up thinking!

Don’t call us

Ever since the Blair Experience, it has become routine to expect that most Cabinet ministers will be unfit for purpose. The antics of expenses abuser Maria Miller just help to confirm that further. And it doesn’t say much about David Cameron’s judgement that he hasn’t told her to go and spend more time with her one point two million quid profit from the “second home” for her parents. (Are they now homeless, if she’s sold it?)

Slippery slope

There has been some disquiet expressed over the suggestion that the alleged actress, who thinks the BBC should pay her a million pounds because Jeremy Clarkson said the word “slope”, should receive some extreme violence as a form of aversion therapy. But the fact remains that the only way to rid people of the scrounger mentality is to let them know in no uncertain terms that life will be very uncomfortable for them until they grow up and start behaving like members of the species homo sapiens instead of the sub-human homo compensatsiensis.

Got is sussed?

Regular readers of the Daily Disaster can be forgiven for thinking that the spirit of April Fool’s Day thrives the year round, particularly when “studies” are offered for our amusement. So when I read that 5 a day isn’t enough for me to live forever, I should be eating 7, 10 or even 13 portions of fruit & veg. every day, the Foolometer chunked into action. But it got excited again when I read that statins have the same effect as Viagra. And kept on chunking as I progressed through today’s paper.