Wasting money? Must be the EU.

Yet another reason for getting the hell out of the EU: everyone is going to have to replace their vehicle licence plates with an EU approved design – and all in the name of putting an EU flag on the licence plate to gratify the egos of the eurocrat wastrels. Time, gentlemen, please!

Gone to be forgotten

Will anyone remember there was a culture secretary called Miller in a few months from now? It’s unlikely. Neither will anyone remember that Dave the Leader tried to apply the New Labour rule that no government minister can be guilty of a hanging offence, no matter how blatantly the crime was committed. So it goes.

New track, decent racing

Yesterday’s Grand Prix in Bahrain just underlined the need for getting rid of the old tracks in Formula One. Places like Monaco, which are supposed to be full of glamour, have few overtaking points and tend to be a dull procession with occasional crashes into the wall. But the guys can get stuck in on the new tracks, which are built for a spectacle.

Save yourself, but what about the world?

Another of these wonderful studies reckons that having baked beans every day will protect people from heart disease and the effects of bad cholesterol. But what about the methane production and global warming? Yet another case of a sad lack of joined-up thinking!

Don’t call us

Ever since the Blair Experience, it has become routine to expect that most Cabinet ministers will be unfit for purpose. The antics of expenses abuser Maria Miller just help to confirm that further. And it doesn’t say much about David Cameron’s judgement that he hasn’t told her to go and spend more time with her one point two million quid profit from the “second home” for her parents. (Are they now homeless, if she’s sold it?)

Slippery slope

There has been some disquiet expressed over the suggestion that the alleged actress, who thinks the BBC should pay her a million pounds because Jeremy Clarkson said the word “slope”, should receive some extreme violence as a form of aversion therapy. But the fact remains that the only way to rid people of the scrounger mentality is to let them know in no uncertain terms that life will be very uncomfortable for them until they grow up and start behaving like members of the species homo sapiens instead of the sub-human homo compensatsiensis.

Got is sussed?

Regular readers of the Daily Disaster can be forgiven for thinking that the spirit of April Fool’s Day thrives the year round, particularly when “studies” are offered for our amusement. So when I read that 5 a day isn’t enough for me to live forever, I should be eating 7, 10 or even 13 portions of fruit & veg. every day, the Foolometer chunked into action. But it got excited again when I read that statins have the same effect as Viagra. And kept on chunking as I progressed through today’s paper.