Cute

How do you create the illusion that you’ve created 2 million extra NHS appointments?
    The best suggestion I’ve come across is to compare the number of appointments on offer in a period after the NHS strikers had been bought off with the number of appointments offered during a period of similar length when prolonged strikes were going on.

Maybe there’s a reason for it

A Daily Disaster reader was complaining about people going about with downcast eyes instead of doing ‘hail fellow, well met’ beams at everyone they meet.
    The best rebuttals have to be 1. looking down to avoid being tripped up by a broken pavement and 2. looking down to avoid treading on something a dog owner failed to scoop up.

Some considerable distance off target

It has been pointed out that Labour has been making a big thing out of deporting people who were working here illegally, usually in the black economy, and paying their way.
    It’s a shame our wonderful government can’t get rid of the scroungers who are sponging off the nation.

Green, baby, green

The mad scramble to legitimize a third runway for Heathrow airport is getting to the edges of reality. Electric planes are being touted as part of the equation, even though they waste a huge amount of their energy on hauling massive batteries around.
    And then there are sustainable fuels; substitutes for kerosene with a fiddled pedigree to make them okay. All of which ignores the inescapable fact that nothing done here will have the slightest measurable effect on the global climate.

Not wanted on voyage

The attitude of the Russians and the Americans seems to be that Europe is totally irrelevant to their plans for Ukraine. And poor old Ukraine doesn’t seem to be all that relevant either.
    Something that’s possible when Europe has become just a rather pathetic talking shop and in decline?

Good way to waste time

We had just the verbal ‘unsuitable for younger children’ message before last night’s episode of T.J. Hooker, which suggests that some sucker has had to watch the box sets to rate each episode as worthy of a mild verbal warning or needing the screenful of wibbly woke BS.
    Well, it’s a living, I suppose.

Different strokes

President Trump made a big thing about not making any more one-cent coins as they cost two cents to make. The government here seems to be phasing out copper coins on the sly.
    According to something I read during the week, no 1p and 2p coins were ordered from the Royal Mint last year. Death by disappearance down the back of the sofa?

A heap of doubt

A newspaper survey found that only 85% of the participants thought our wonderful Chancellor isn’t doing a good job. Do the other 15% really believe she is doing a good job? Or were they just committed Labour voters saying it through gritted teeth?

Hubris

You stick the taxpayer with the bill for a brand new hi-viz yellow jacket, you trot off to Milton Keynes to unload some BS on the media about building 1.5 million new homes on the Green Belt and what happens?
    A huge gang of farmers turn up to honk their tractor horns and send you back to Downing Street with your tail between your legs.

Good Change

The British Army is dropping a woke system for assessing fitness, which was imposed back in 2019. Fatties in uniform will now have to get themselves fit to fight.
    No danger of whoever came up with the woke crap being put in front of a firing squad for some target practice? Shame.

Short Change

You can’t trust anyone, these days. Not even the Church of England, which is in trouble for trying to fob Communicants off with alcohol-free wine and ‘bread’ made with some gluten-free substitute. So much for the tradition of centuries.

Well, maybe

According to the computer Deep Thought in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42.
    A box of 40 gramme bars of Romney’s Kendal Mint Cake, as recently received, contains 42 of them.
    Is there a connection?
    Wouldn’t it be nice if there were!

Keep Going!

I noticed that the menu for a Mediterranean cruise advertised in the paper included a stop at the Greek holiday island of Santorini.
    Clearly, the advert was composed before the current of swarm of earthquakes, one of which reached over Richter 5, which is considerable.

And Yet Another

It has been pointed out that new health minister Ashley Dalton thinking people who identify as a llama don’t deserve derision is no worse than applying this approach to asses like the rest of Bier Smarmer’s crew identifying as politicians.

And Another

Bier Smarmer has sacked a minion for hoping one pensioner croaks before the next election.
    What about the guesstimated 6,000 pensioners whom Bier will actually kill by stealing their Winter Fuel Allowance?
    What’s he still doing in his job?

Valid Point

The morons at the Science Museum, who object to Lego bricks for being heterosexual, it has been pointed out, have ignored plugs which are pushed into sockets. Same bullshit, next on the list for the morons?

Man with a mission

President Trump has cancelled the drop-to-bits paper drinking straws which Creaky Joe Biden insisted had to replace more practical plastic straws, which are now okay again.
    He has also cancelled making any more one-cent copper coins because they cost two cents to manufacture. Unlike our own wonderful government, he has clearly spent his four years out of office coming up with things that need doing.
    Oh, for someone like him instead of a Labour party which thrashes around aimlessly, wrecking as it goes.

Schmeparations

I’ve just read an interesting article about all this slavery reparations business, and the closer you look at it, the more absurd it gets. Starting with the demand for trillions of pounds from us to give to people who weren’t affected by slavery.
    Worse, some of the cash will come from people living here who were born in the West Indies and don’t get an exemption from the slavery tax.
    Will our government have the courage to tell the scroungers to get knotted?
    Or will Bier and Co. just hurl some cash in their direction and hope to buy their silence? Definitely option 2, based on what the current incarnation of the Labour party is doing in office.

Plain monotony

The thing that was striking about a newspaper picture of a London street full of tractors and farmers on Tuesday is how the same the tractors all looked. They were mainly green with a scattering of yellow ones. How unadventurous.
    When did the traditional red tractor die out?

Just unreliable

Given the flow of obtuse decisions from High Court judges; chicken nuggets, human rights abuses, claiming soldiers shooting IRA terrorists on the rampage is murder, etc.; would omitting them from the assisted dying scrutiny process really be a tragedy that kills the Bill?
    There is now a huge gap between expectations and performance, as far as the judiciary is concerned, and no guarantee that a social worker couldn’t do the job as competently, or badly, as a High Court judge.
    But the way things are going, the Bill looks doomed anyway.

Someone else doing it

Nigel Farage thinks his Reform UK gang has reached the stage of maturity such that he can safely kick out the looneys without depleting membership numbers too much.
    Next thing you know, he’ll actually have a couple of policies. Which should be two more than the Labour lot seem to have.

Making Things Happen

The thing about President Trump is that he’s an ideas man. Okay, some of the ones he comes up with are obvious non-starters, but having made his suggestion, he can turn to the scoffers and challenge them to come up with something better.
    And leave them with egg on their face when they can’t.

Judging the judges

What can we do about the perverse judges who make lunatic decisions? How about a 3-month course on half pay to teach them that they must apply the laws passed by Parliament, not their own perversions of them, then a 6-month probation period with close scrutiny on three-quarter pay?
    And, of course, the sack if they don’t shape up.

Always has, always will be

Why all the synthetic outrage about the Labour clowns who went to town on WhatsCrapp? Cattiness and potty mouthing are what gangs of people do when they think no one outside the group knows what they are up to.

Eyes off the job

There’s taking the piss, and there’s letting the bloke who’s supposed to be in charge of our border security shirk @ home in bloody Finland.
    What have we done to deserve a government which keeps working hard to outdo itself in daftness?

The case for isolationism

The big problem with foreigners is that so many of them are ungrateful grabbers. India has a space programme – paid for out of our overseas aid – but never a word of gratitude.
    Barbados is a grabber. Never a word of thanks for being civilized by Britain, which ended the slave trade, just the out-stretched hand accompanied by beams of approval from its hireling, Smarmer’s Attorney General.

40 grammes of havoc

I’ve just taken delivery of some of Mr. Romney’s Kendal Mint Cake and as soon as I retrieved a bar from the box, I realized it’s something you need to enjoy in the privacy of your own home rather than in a public place.
    Why? Because there’s the trigger word WHITE printed at both ends of a bar’s wrapper! The word calculated to make the far-Left froth with violent rage and drop snowflakes in their tracks as if pole-axed.

Pathetic Propaganda

Our wonderful government is showing us videos of doors being kicked down to round up illegal migrants and docile bodies going aboard airliners.
    What we’re not told is that the ones getting on the planes are volunteers for eviction, who have been paid £3,000 of our money for doing it.
    And as for the door-kicking. How much of a dent did Labour’s claimed 19,000 exports make in the guesstimated 1.5-2 million illegals in the UK? Lying with a little of the truth again.

Blip

The full woke whinge before T.J. Hooker was back again last night. Maybe the temporary absence on Monday was due to some minion at Legend giving it a polish.

Unfit for service

How to shoot yourself in the foot. Be a Chief Constable who pleads poverty. And then has to admit to spending £1.4 million of taxpayers’ money on diversity nonsense.

Possible destination?

Maybe the Legend trigger-warners have been recruited by the University of the West of England, which has managed to stick 220 of them on the plays of William Shakespeare.
    According to the management, this was done at the request of the pathetic brats who attend this alleged centre of education.
    Doesn’t exactly give you confidence for the future.

Somewhat Weird

I had a delivery coming in today and when I clicked on the tracking option, I was somewhat surprised to see ‘Tracking | UPS - United States’ as the title in the new tab.
    Obviously a long-distance job, this tracking thing!

Wonder of wonders

The paragraph of pathetic woke triggers before T.J. Hooker was replaced last night by a simple verbal warning that this cop show might not be suitable for children.
    Has the Legend channel grown up?
    Or was it just a momentary aberration?

Definitely Super

Our NFL fans were rather surprised to see just 19 minutes of Super Bowl 59 highlights on YouTube rather than the whole match on offer when they looked yesterday morning. But having recorded the broadcast on ITV, they weren’t bothered.
    It was certainly quite a match, and the Eagles made a good job of keeping the Chiefs out of it. What an awful half-time show with some rapper. That got very short shrift from the fast-forward button!

Share the blame

How come we’re never told where the kids in the WaterAid TV advertisements live? The African kids who ‘have no choice’. How come they don’t name and shame the politicians who let their kids live like this?

Less bottle bashing

How curious that the Noise Abatement Society isn’t getting the blame for local councils swindling their customers by reducing the frequency of refuse and recyling stuff collections and sparing them the racket of bottles and cans crashing into a big lorry.

Not a chance

If the PM sacks a cosmetic minister for being a twat on the internet, does that make him a national hero, as certain Labourites would have us believe?
    Nah, Beer Smarmer remains as dishonest and inept as ever. And the man whose Chagos betrayal will cost us billions of pounds which we can’t afford to waste and make it easier for the Chinese to intercept and meddle with satellite communications vital to the defence of the Western World.

So much for equality

Rayner is also being accused of trying to pander to the Moslems in her constituency by creating a blasphemy law which favours them without doing the same for all other religions. And atheists.
    Freedom of speech and British values count for nothing when a politician is on the make.

Another Labour lie

Beer Smarmer’s deputy, Angela Rayner, is attracting derision and fury in equal proportions for cancelling local elections in 9 areas because they would be ‘an expensive and irresponsible waste of money’.
    As the Labour party never has a problem with wasting taxpayers’ cash, this is obviously a lie.
    The real reason has to be political cowardice triggered by the expectation that Reform UK will replace any Labour councillors in the 9 regions.

Some prodding to do

Something to get your MP asking the goverment: “When is the government going to publish its figure for excess deaths caused by its reckless withdrawal of the Winter Fuel Allowance from pensioners?” See if you get an answer, but don’t be optimistic as many MPs are great at ignoring the customers.

Super Question

Opinions remain divided about the Super Bowl. Is it worth staying up until half-past two or three o’clock in the morning to watch it live and see if the Chiefs can threepete?
    Or is it better to record it and skip past all the boring bits, especially a half-time show by some amazing star you’ve never heard of? Or even just wait for it to be on YouTube?

Serving justice up properly

What we need is a panel of intelligent adults to scrutinize the records of judges and have the power to sack those who make really stupid decisions which allow foreign criminals to avoid deportation.

Let it go

Grenfell Tower’s remains should have been demolished years ago. A huge eyesore box full of rotting building remains is no sort of memorial to the dead, it’s just a constant reminder of the consequences of listening to the global warming fraudsters.

Something needing Trampling & Trumping

Has the sexual deviant lobby nothing better to do than have a go at Lego? Apparently not. No matter what the far-Left looneys at the Science Museum think, hetero is still the normal and always will be.

Right now matters

It’s all very well for Beer Smarmer to go on a jolly to chat about nuclear power, but that’s something that won’t be available for a decade, or probably a lot more, at the earliest.
    We need to keep the lights on now and the best way to go about that is to drop Edstone into a deep, dark hole and exploit our own off-shore oil and gas instead of buying it from abroad at inflated prices.

Shame about ours

Two contrasting political figureheads: DonaldTrump shows what can be done and how to do it, Beer Smarmer shows the world how to f*ck things up every single time he tries to do something.
    Trump puts America first and there is no doubt that he’s a leader. Smarmer’s record tells us that he is eager to sell out the UK at every opportunity, and he’s not a leader. Which is why he needs the deadlegs of the EU to tell him what to do because he’s totally clueless.

Fair game

Tough on the president of Mexico, but there’s no internationally recognized outfit responsible for naming bodies of water. Which means that if Donald Trump wants to call the bit of sea to the south of the United States the Gulf of America, the name is as valid as the current Gulf of Mexico title. Gulf of Amex?

Sense lacking, as usual

How come Batman, which is full of sock, pow violence and attempts to kill the Dynamic Duo, gets just a routine PG rating when T.J. Hooker cops for a long list of snowflake triggers?

Hot it’s not

If we’ve just had the hottest January in recorded history, how come my gas and electricity bills; just in from the supplier; haven’t dropped dramatically?
    Could it be due to the so-called experts quibbling about something that isn’t very much? Which is why they’re called Global Warming Fraudsters?

Fire hazard

Crumbs! Aren’t American cars explosive! Well, the ones in T.J. Hooker certainly are. The slightest hint of a shunt and Kaboom! A major bonfire of them.
    Were we fooled by the female impersonator in last night’s episode? Nah, not even for a minute.

No surprise

Beer Smarmer can get away with anything if police forces are in Labour’s pocket; or behave as if they are. A whole series of lock-down violations were reported. The police forces concerned are doing nothing about them. Two Tier Justice on steroids.
    And then there’s doubling the up-front payment to Mauritius for the Chagos Islands surrender. Billions of our money just casually wasted and he gets away with it.

Ain’t that so!

As noted on BlackFlag News, buy our prime minister dinner and he’s yours. Which means that we can expect another major sell-out after Beer’s trip to Brussels for dinner with 27 EU heads of government this week.

Making a splash

Six newspapers with a knocking job on Chancellor Reeves for trashing the economy as their front page lead has to be some sort of record.
    All she needs now is Beer Smarmer to say he has absolute confidence in her to confirm that she’s doomed.

Well, that was unexpected

An Xmas episode of T.J. Hooker in February with the man himself causing mayhem on the roads in a Santa suit and a brand new commandeered car, which he wrecked totally.

First, do lots of harm

The BMA, the trade union for doctors, wants the Workers’ Rights Charter sponsored by the deputy PM to include a right for medical staff to steam out on strike whenever they feel like it.
    And as BeeMers help to pay Labour’s way, no doubt they’ll get some sort of ticket to take a hike.
    And taxpayers wil end up paying more for less, as is always the outcome of these things.

Whatever happened to Equality?

Why is it a crime against humanity for Prince Andrew to have selective amnesia but okay for members of the government to display it? And also tell outright lies?

Too close to the truth?

Rejected pub quiz question [to my correspondent’s disgust]: Faecal Matters: a list of sewage contaminations of rivers by rogue water companies or a list of government policies which are sh*t?

Another Starmer Betrayal?

There’s a story going the rounds that our prime minister has done a Chagos Islands deal with Mauritius which doubles the original initial payment.
    If this is true, he will go down in history as a typical far-Left lawyer turned politician, who was eager to sell his country out at every opportunity and waste billions of pounds of our money in the process.
    If this is true, he belongs in the deepest, darkest, dankest dungeon available, not in a luxury apartment in Downing Street.

A bit out of touch?

20 Tunes to commute to. I could hum only 9 of them. So much for that. Or maybe I need to commute more on trains as the list came from the Rail Delivery Group, which did a survey of what its customers prefer.

Nice to see

It was really nice to see a TV critic giving a floperoony no stars. The flop in question was an episode of The Apprentice, something which I have never felt inspired to watch.

Interesting idea

President Trump is planning to move the worst foreign criminals out of the US and dump them at the Guantanamo Bay military base. It has been suggested that we could park our unwanted migrants on Chagos Islands. Give them a few tools and some copies of Robinson Crusoe and let them look after themselves.
    And no mobile phone bills to worry about.

Politicians, eh?

There’s a knife crime crisis in the capital city. What does the mayor do about it? Ignore it because he wants to blow 2 million quid of other people’s money on alleged works of art created by members of minorities. For no reason that makes any sense to a real person.

Misdirected blame

One of the most curious things coming out of the inquest on lock-downs for the Chinese plague is blaming them for kids not being toilet trained on arrival at school now.
    If they were at home with their parents, what were those parents doing that made them ignore giving their kids this essential social skill?

Not guilty enough

The water companies have to be feeling guilty if they sending out emails offering help to those who are struggling to pay their bill.
    Guilty about racking up huge amounts of debt in the company to overpay managers and foreign shareholders.
    Guilty about polluting waterways and neglecting vital infrastructure repairs.
    But not guilty enough to stop doing the bad stuff.

Double bubble

A Daily Mail letter proposed calling power blackouts Milibands in recognition of the idiot who caused them and to spare the feelings of snowflakes who can’t tolaterate works containing ‘black’.
    The printed version of the letter also included another A.I. hyphenation blunder: Milib-and at a line break.

Closer inspection needed

The Chancellor tells us her growth plan is ‘all about the pounds in people’s pockets’. Shame that plan involves picking those pockets until there are no more pounds in them.

Instant assessment

It was interesting to see President Trump express the opinion a lot of people hold about the Potomac air disaster. Shame it will take a year before the experts work out if the military helicopter pilot did, indeed, do something stupid. Still, it gave him a chance to take a pop at far-Left fashions such as DEI, which put vote-scrounging ahead of merit and public safety.

Every day another guess

A third runway for Heathrow airport will be our salvation! Well, it will according to our fantasist Chancellor. One HUGE snag; it won’t be operational for a decade at the soonest. And airline experts reckon building it won’t get started until 2050.
    So much for promoting economic growth now when we need it so desperately.

Eating crow

No, it’s not possible to feel sympathy for sleazy Mandelson, who has been forced to claim he now thinks Donald Trump is a really great guy after slagging him off for years.
    But it was good to watch his ‘hostage video’ and mock the obvious insincerity. And when he’s in Washington, he’ll know he ain’t foolin’ anyone.

A cute tax

How about a spot fine of £1,000 for everyone who claims that an opinion they don’t like is due to a far-Right attitude? And a ban on Labour politicians sticking the fine on their Parliamentary expenses, of course.

If only

In the good old days, the NFL Pro Bowl was an exhibition match with trimmed down rules to reduce violence. Even so, it could become really competitive if the teams felt challenged.
    Replacing it with 7-a-side flag football is clearly part of the ongoing dumbing down agenda. But maybe President Trump will step in and pep things up as part of his agenda to Make America Say Aaaah!

Cough up

In case you missed it, alcohol tax went up yesterday. That’s a small bonus from a Chancellor who promised no more tax rises for the people who gave it up in January.

Incredible but not impossible

It does seem incredible that a US military helicopter on a training flight could crash into an airliner which was on its landing approach to a Washington airfield, killing everyone.
    But they older you get, the more you realize that people have an infinite capacity for doing something totally crazy for no apparent reason and reliable machines fail without warning.

Backward step

It was rather depressing to read that the allegedly elite Russell group of universities are effectively dumbing down their exams because the gap between white, middle-class students and others for a first-class degree and a 2,1 is perceived to be too big.
    Excellence sacrificed for illusion. How very diverse.

Sod the UK, says Labour

The governments of EU nations feel free to ignore stupid rulings from the European Court of Human Rights. Our Attorney General has just announced that the UK is going to accept everything from the ECHR, no matter how stupid.
    Worse, any scumbag who turns up here to leech off the UK won’t be sent packing.
    This is betrayal on a grand scale.
    If Beer Smarmer had any sense of decency, he’d fire his crony Lord Humbug and give himself the sack. But, alas, Beer is an idiot and decency is the last thing you expect from far-Left lawyers turned Labour politician.

Cute

Illegal immigrants are irregular migrants and okay. Shoplifters are irregular shoppera and okay. Lying politicians are irregular truth-tellers and okay.
    Wot next?