Who’s the athlete?

On the subject of good old T.J., he always has to do a hell of a lot of running to chase after bad guys. Did he have a stunt double to do most of it?
    A star should be able to command one.

Virtue at the taxpayer’s expense

I used to know a local councillor who told me that some council members think it makes them look good if the Town Clerk is paid a ridiculous salary
    Which explains why 4,000 Town Hall staff are on over £100K, plus pension and expenses, and hundreds are paid more than Beer Smarmer gets for being in charge of the entire UK.

Fair question

“Do you have a first name, Callaghan?” the Six Million Dollar Man once asked Oscar’s diminutive aide.
    “Yes,” she replied.
    I wonder if you’d get the same response from T.J. Hooker!

Mugs Galore

You have to be really desperate for attention to splosh loads of money on a handbag that looks like a cornflakes packet or a slice of pizza. Luckily for the people who turn this stuff out, there are lots of attention-seekers with lots of spare dosh around.

Trivial in comparison

We’re supposed to have problems with obesity, but the Indians have us totally beat!
    The government of India reckons it will have 440 million obese people in 2050 because the city dwellers are scoffing junk food. And 800 million people living in poverty on meagre state hand-outs.

Distorted values

How curious that our wonderful Chancellor thinks it’s a good idea to take cash away from carers, who do essential work, but not from those who choose not to have anything to do with work.
    But expecting good sense from politicians is expecting something that rarely happens.

Running out of options

s there anything Trump hasn’t stuck a tariff on? Or is he going to have to resort to sticking tariffs on his existing tariffs to keep on promoting his tough guy image?

Legal conundrum

Is a caution still valid if the cop says “Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?” if she has actually recited them from memory rather than read a script?

The Chagos Kid

President Trump is said to have given our wonderful prime minister the go-ahead to betray British taxpayers by handing over the Chagos Islands to Mauritius – and also £18 billion that we can’t afford due to Labour’s trashing the economy.
    There’s a theory that Labour hates Britain and that’s why Beer Smarmer and his gang do stuff like this. A very convincing theory. And Uncle Beer doesn’t seem bothered by going down in history as the Chagos Betrayer.

Finally, some sense

Despite the best efforts of the embedded wokes, the Office for National Statistics has finally binned the number of trans people acquired from the 2021 census.
    It has been known for ages that the number is a gross exaggeration as people who didn’t have English as their first language gave meaningless replies. But what do the wokes care about actual facts when they are pushing one of their agendas?

Originality binned

D. Trump has been accused of applying the rules of the George Orwell novel 1984 to the governance of the United States. He has made truth and lies interchangeable according to the convenience of Big Donald. Are the US and Russia going to end up as interchangeable bad guys?

Lost Cause

Is there a museum which still does accurate history? Probably not in London. The London Museum has now gone hopelessly woke and it’s busy putting an anti-whiteness agenda into place as part of the Hate Everything British campaign.

More hot air

Birmingham Council doing the Major Incident act over the streets full of refuse has the aroma of pointless posturing.
    Getting some private contractors; and rath-catchers; in to clear the place up on public health grounds would actually make more sense.

No Sale

That Maltesers ad with ‘the companion’ is pretty diverse and pathetic. Fire the agency, get someone decent. If there is still anywhere that can do a decent TV ad without being woke.

That’s a good one!

Question: Ukraine needs a peace-keeping force; what is the UN doing these days?
Answer: The same as Keep Britain Tidy is doing for the litter-strewn UK.

Oh, well

President Trump has made noises about taking America into the Commonwealth of Nations, hoping that King Charles will dish out an invite. Sadly for Trump, it has been pointed out, any invitation will have to come after a vote of the members; it’s not a Royal Gift; and several of those members are sunk deep into China’s Belt & Braces pocket and not likely to welcome him.

Looking ahead

The Commons Speaker reckons that wokists in his former party are intent on ousting him. Not because of his appetite for junkets at the taxpayer’s expense, but in order to get some really woke wonk into the job before Labour loses the next general election.

On Target

Patrick Chrispys of GB Views got it spot on. All the going on about Ramadan by the usual suspects makes a mockery of all the Islamophobia accusations.
    As far as real people are concerned, it’s just something they’re not bothered about rather than afraid of.

The death of education

The wheels really have come off if a toddler can be chucked out of a nursery school because some idiot thinks the kid has a transphobic attitude. Really? A three- or four-year-old?

Not helping

If the Governor of the Bank of England really thinks the state pension should be means tested, he is clearly unfit to hold a public office and he should be sacked forthwith.
    And no pension for the blighter.

It’s not a struggle!

I’m working hard to avoid seeing the Neatflix series about a killer kid. Unfortunately, lots of others seem to be doing their best to erode my uniqueness by not watching it either. Incel or gencel – genetically celibate through being too repulsive for any self-respecting female to want anything to do with them?

Safe bet?

The speculators reckon that there’s a 50:50 chance that Freebie Reeves, our wonderful Chancellor, will be back with more tax rises in the autumn.
    But what are their odds that she’ll still be in the job then?

Stranger than fiction

What has the government really been doing with the Winter Fuel Allowances grabbed off pensioners? Three of the allowances were awarded to a Labour MP, who put her pet dog on her Parliamentary expenses.
    As Little John of the Daily Disaster tells us, you couldn’t make it up.

Strange Reticence

Hundreds of thousands of people are being forced into poverty by the government’s tax grabs and welfare cuts, we are being told. But no one ever quotes the numbers that constitute poverty, either as a weekly or annual income.
    I wonder what the reason for that is. Could it be that a lot of the ‘poverty’ is relative, and for every person in dire straits, there are thousands unable to afford holidays abroad and the like?

Just fantasy

Freebie Reeves is claiming that the world is in a state of flux; or all fluxed up; and that’s why the wheels have come off her financial plans.
    And yet she’s promising families will be £500 better off by the end of the current Parliament. Which has to be almost twice as big a lie as Edstone Miliband’s £300 quid off energy bills.

Yecch!

Is there a more stoopid TV advert than the one with the upside down mouth in the middle of a forehead? Whatever it’s for, I’m not buying!

Zedmed lives!

But only in the trailers for current T.J. Hooker episodes. The Legend channel has not been bothered about updating.

Not us, Gov.

Should we all hang our heads in shame at having a government which is okay with the use of slave labour in the manufacture of Chinese solar stuff? Or can the 80% of the electorate who didn’t vote Labour just chant, “Told you so!” at regular intervals?

Today’s Other Question

This war in Ukraine that President Trump was going to stop a month ago. What’s the word on that?

Just not true

The Miliband claim that solar panels installed here will cut our carbon dioxide emissions sufficiently to balance the ones from China when the panels were made is a black lie. Nothing we do here makes even a small dent in China’s emissions.

Not a mate

It doesn’t look like Ukraine is going to get much of a deal from Trump. He’s working hard to give Putin everything he wants. Meanwhile, Trump is after Ukraine’s minerals, power plants, oil & gas, and everything else he can get his germans on.

Today’s Question

Shampoo that helps with dandruff, read the title to the article. Helps it to do what? Flourish?

Let down

There was a disappointing lack of panther cartoon graphics to go with the closing credits of Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978). Did they run out of cash suddenly?

Not the full monty

Amazon Spring Deals become so much less impressive when you realize that spring goes on for 3 months but the deals last for just a week.

Seems fair

I have been advised that letters about what will happen to the old state  pension next month can include the information: ‘Age addition of 25p per week will be payable from your 80th Birthday’.
    This ‘bonus’ was introduced in 1971 and represented 4% of the pension rate then, which means it should be £7 now.
    The fact that it is still being paid at the same antique rate to certain Oldies is now seen as nothing more than the government sticking up two fingers at them.
    Maybe our MPs, who have just received a generous pay rise, should be required to spend some time on the 1971 salary and expenses regime to find out how funny the joke is.

Gone Guy

I note that the curiously named Adrian Zmed (Zedmed to us Brits) seems to have been binned from series 5 of T.J. Hooker, leaving pool old T.J sidekickless.
    And in episode 2, T.J.’s ex-cop dad turned up to be shot dead right at the end!

Latin explained

I knew that sic transit gloria mundi means get the sick note to me by Monday. I was delighted to learn that honi soit qui mal y pense means I honestly think I’m going to be sick.

What do we make of this?

There’s this advert about people getting in trouble over paying for their home. Featuring a woman of colour in what’s predominantly a white nation.
    Is this woke DEI garbage? Or is the message that incomers are more likely to get into financial trouble? Either way, it’s a signal that maybe this firm is one to be avoided.

Overhaul seriously overdue

There doesn’t seem to be any danger of the government fixing the broke judicial system.
    Whilst we have judges who are prepared to have killers dragged to their court to hear the sentence after a guilty verdict, there are others who abuse human rights laws shamelessly by making up their own version of what came out of Parliament.
    And then there are the ones who don’t know basic facts of life like difference between Iraq and Iran.

More fantasies

Our government is claiming it will save £5 billion by fixing the broken welfare system. One in-depth scrutiny of the plan has concluded that £160 million at the most is on offer, and another came to the conclusion that scroungers gaming the system would prevent any savings at all!

The Chancellor’s Spring Statement

"It’s not my fault the economy has been trashed. Everyone else is to blame.
    "And stop bloody going on about my freebie addiction. It’s not as if I’m the only one doing it."

Really?

Save time, money and the environment, the advert read. How much saving is a battery powered lawnmower instead of one using petrol going to do?
    Whatever happened to honesty in advertising?
    Or has it been put on hold for the duration of the bogus climate emergency?
    I suspect the latter if we’re still getting those TV ads for smart meters featuring an Albert Einstein cartoon. His image is supposed to be really tightly controlled. That’s just not credible.

Something to avoid

Apparently, the glass screens used to build showers can explode spontaneously! In the middle of the night, which is bad enough, and also whilst someone is using the shower, which is infinitely worse.
    But it’s not something a place with plastic shower curtains has to worry about.

Not exactly value for money

The Leader of the House of Commons, I read, used to be a political old-timer with some standing, and the examples confirmed this; all people I’d heard of.
    The present incumbent is just one of Ed Milipede’s groupies, which just illustrates the net zero level of talent on offer by the current Labour lot.

Watch out!

After grabbing Ukraine’s rare minerals, President Trump’s next target is the nation’s power stations.
    Maybe the bloke in charge of Heathrow airport should start to become worried about his collection of them!

They don’t get it

I’ve just read that a GenZ (whatever that is) ‘worker’ wanted a day off, instead of taking annual leave, to get a tattoo. She claimed it was a medical appointment and vital to her mental ’elf!
    Do skivers learn which button to push at school now?
p.s. If there’s a mess and you can’t be bothered to clear it up, just announce that it would be ‘too triggering’ and walk away.

Mug Mob

What sort of people are Labour activists? Fools and scroungers if they think that fool Milipede is doing the best job in the Cabinet, and Smarmer and Reeves have the lowest approval ratings.
    Mainly because they’ve been confronted with the realities of real life and they’re floundering, which the likes of Milipede and Labour activists aren’t in their non-reality bubble.
    Spend the most of other people’s money on stuff of no value and become a Labour hero. Sheesh!

Fantasy factory

Our wonderful Chancellor says she wants to move more money to the front line of public services by getting rid of dead wood.
    Redundancy pay for the corpses eats up all the cash ‘saved’.
    Nothing much ends up on the front line.

Buck-passing

The first lesson we can learn from the Heathrow shutdown is that the buck will be in constant motion. The head of the National Grid reckons that any of the three substations which are connected to the airport can keep the place running.
    The boss of the airport reckons that all the computers had to be safely shut down and safely rebooted, and that’s why the place went dark.
    It was a totally unexpected emergency and there was no plan for dealing with it. And, as with the Chinese plague, all the experts are claiming that they are right.

Just a thought

When it comes to getting rid of the dead wood in the civil service, maybe they should start with the people who let official credit cards to be used to blow £675 million on things like nights out during junkets abroad, DJ equipment, shoes costing more than 2 grand per pair and coffee pods in bulk instead of low-value goods and services.

All about the dosh

It’s interesting that the ‘experts’ who were seen as the Chinese plague gurus are still claiming that the modified coronavirus didn’t escape from the laboratory in Wuhan. Not wanting to upset the Chinese and lose out on research grants?

So much for inclusion

This obsession with creating groups of young people; millennials, GenX, GenZ, etc.; is making rather a mockery of the claims by social manipulators that they are building a cohesive society.

Keep on trying!

The private space firm Intuitive Machines doesn’t seem to be having much success with the legs of its lunar landers. Last year’s vehicle, IM-1 called Odysseus, managed to break one of the legs and tipped over at a 30 degree angle.
    Despite this setback, all the instruments continued to work for the planned week of the mission. And then the Sun set and the vehicle wasn’t built to survive a 2-week lunar night.
    This month’s effort with IM-2 called Athena, managed to tip over onto its side leaving 2 legs up in the air and had to be declared done with right away.
    Maybe next time?

More ‘all talk’

The government says, ‘lessons will be learned’ from an investigation of the power failure which shut down Heathrow airport.
    A nation laughs scornfully, knowing they never are.

Worser and Worser

News media revealing the scams of those benefiting from Motability is just bringing more and more to light. Things like cars being used as minicabs and people rent them to neighbours.
    Is the government going to do anything about this gross abuse of taxpayers’ money?
    Or is the Labour party just not bovvered?

Social comment?

Crossword clue: bodily part commonly pierced (7)
Is that a comment on the people who have the job done to their earlobes? That they are common?

Idle hands

Do the works of William Shakespeare need to be decolonized? They were written long before the British went forth into the world to civilize it. And make a few bob out of the process.
    What would be a much better idea would be to dewonkize The Shakespeare Birthplace Trust.

Don’t come back

Nice to see that crazy American who had to make a video of her wombat-harassing activities did the Australians a favour: she deported herself, saving them the bother.

Bottle Job

That’s the verdict on Labour’s ‘reforms’ of the broken welfare system. Despite all the posturing from our prime minister, his Work & Pension Secretary assured her party that she is not interested in being tough.
    Which explains why her cuts have been described as a flea-bite. 8% now dropping to 5% at the end of the decade as the bloat continues.
    No pain for cheating skivers. It’s the Labour way.

Endemic Defect?

Two-Kier Justice is still due to begin next month, which raises the question of why our prime minister hasn’t sacked his Justice Secretary in favour of someone who will take on the wonks of the Sentencing Council.
    Could it be that there is no one in the Labour party who gets the concept of equal justice for all?

Different drain

Abolishing the QANGO Public Health England will cost the nation £800 million in redundancy payments.
    Which means that there won’t be a boost of cash going to front line NHS staff.
    Benefit to us taxpayers is always a lost cause when the government is involved.

More Two-Tier justice

The Home Office has been shamed into cancelling the fine imposed on the couple who had a Sudanese stowaway in the bike rack of their camper van.
    But the penalty has not been cancelled, which is gittish.
    And there are no penalties being slapped on the Customs bods who checked the van over and failed to spot the stowaway.

One Domino

I suppose it’s a start that the Tory leader has realized that the net zero by 2050 is unachievable and just a fantasy. Shame she’s not pointing out every time she’s on the subject that nothing done here has any measurable effect on the global climate and there’s no need to do anything.
    But there are all those global warming swindlers with their hands out, demanding our dosh. And a Labour government letting them get away with it.

Parp-Parp

Little John of the Daily Disaster strikes again revealing that we as a nation are handing out 50-grand sports cars to chancers with mobility issues.
    Motability is the name of the outfit which is handing out the cars, which are used for such essential purposes as mini-cabs and getaway cars.

Opacity, not transparency

It’s a legitimate question. Why does the Speaker of the House of Commons, whose job is to process about and decide who gets to make a speech in the chamber, need an advisor on overseas territories?
    Even if the advisor is a nice old bloke from Gibraltar who gave Hoyle lots of freebies when he was junketing there.
    Not a question to which an answer is likely to be forthcoming anytime soon.

More two-tier justice

A couple were fined £1,500 for not noticing that a migrant had hidden himself in a bike rack on the exterior of the camper van. No fines for the customs officers and other officials who failed to spot the invader.
    No fines for the Border Force for the thousands of migrants they import after the French had escorted them half way across the Channel.
    The word ‘justice’ in is need of cancellation as there doesn’t seem to be much available any more.

Worth a try

Good luck to Lord Norton of Louth for his attempt to prevent prime ministers like Beer from awarding peerages to cronies and stooges. Persons of merit only, his Lordship would prefer.
    Same with the rest of us.

Future uncertain

The noises coming out of the White House suggest that President Trump’s idea of a peace plan for Ukraine is to divide the country’s assets up between America and Russia.
    Not exactly encouraging for anyone else hoping to make a deal with him.

Get on with it!

The story of the return to Earth of the stranded NASA astronauts in a SpaceX Dragon capsule has to be the immense amount of time spent faffing about instead of parking the recovery ship next to the capsule and hauling it aboard.

Goes with the territory

Should we be outraged that Speaker Hoyle isn’t a good guy after we had to put up with a decade of Berko the Peerageless? Or should we just shrug our shoulders and write him off as another Labour grabber?

The Loud Me Culture

Someone was complaining that cutting benefits would put him in a care home and he’d end up costing the taxpayer more than he gets now. Which ignores the hundreds or thousands on the other side of the equation.
    If they get less, the nation can afford to give the odd person in the complainant’s position special treatment. Even if they can’t see the big picture.

Interesting Viewpoint

According to one commentator, the Farage Party, Reform UK, has a lot in common with Labour as a political party in that its membership doesn't include enough people who know how to do the business of government to be able to form a government which can offer good sense, efficiency & value for money.
    Mr. Smarmer’s mob seem to be very good at talking about all the things they’re going to do but they keep expecting the public to hold their breath for a couple of years, and keep on paying more and more tax, before they’re likely to see any changes.
    Probably for the worse, the cynics add.

Acid Test

Offered by Little John of the Daily Disaster: if Beer Smarmer and his Health Minister, Smug Streeting, are serious about getting rid of useless QANGO bodies, they will close down the UK Health Security Agency as well as PH England.
    If they don’t, that will be a sign that they are all talk and not actually going to slim down the burrocrats, with the result that the crew of PHE will end up in other QANGOs.

Wrong word!

Was it unexpected that our economy shrank in January? Of course, it wasn’t. With this sorry Labour lot in charge, growth would have been unexpected.

Musk Manages

I see the Musk Dragon capsule got to the International Space Station okay, and the launcher was steered back to the rig that captures it for recycling.
    The big question now for the two American astronauts who went for an 8-day jaunt and found themselves doing a 9-month marathon is the weather. Will it be okay for them to head back home tomorrow? [Written on Tuesday]
    Still, if you’ve been stuck in space for all that time, an extra day won’t be too much of a burden.

Mine’s bigger than yours

President Trump shows how tough he is by sticking tariffs on the European Union. The EU shows how tough it is by sticking a 50% tariff on bourbon whisky. Trump then makes a mockery of the game by threatening to stick a 200% tariff on EU wines, especially Champagne.

How to avoid making decisions

First, hold lots of consultations. And then hold lots of consultations about doing consultations. That’s how our wonderful government is putting off doing anything much.
    Which might not be such a bad thing in view of the way our wonderful Chancellor is doing things and wrecking the economy.

Hypocrisy on steroids

How do you save the planet from climate change? Hold the UN’s 30th Conference of the Parties at the back of beyond in Brazil and hack a 4-lane superhighway for the 50,000 useless lumps who will be going to COP30 through what was protected Amazon forest.
    The people who lived along the route are now displaced and minus their living, and not at all happy about the posturing.

A man with a plan

That bloke Musk is going to be a busy bee. As well as driving waste out of the government machine in the United States, he hopes to put one of his robots on Mars at the end of next year and he has ambitions to send humans there in 2029!

Yeah, Right

What official bodies desperately need is an alternative to the ‘Our thoughts are with’ tired old cliché. The spokesperson who uses it may well be genuine enough but to most people, their cliché and insincerity alarms go off simultaneously and loudly.

Why Not?

If a nasty, cold winter encourages an early onset of the hay fever season, and a particularly bad one is forecast for this year, why not encourage global warming and see if that fixes the problem?
    Worth a try. Especially with the electricity shortages that this insane government is hell-bent on creating with its crazy net zero policies.

Biscuit Barrel Stuff

Trigger warnings about ‘depictions of murder’ on a touring production of Agatha Christie’s Murder On The Orient Express? They’re either having a laugh or the people running the show are beyond redemption.

Wrong, Beer

Out posturing prime minister’s QANGO cull should have started with the Sentencing Council, which makes a mockery of the judicial pledge to right to all manner of people. In other words, no special treatment if you’re not white, British and, worst of all in the eyes of the woke, male.

Nowhere near inflation

As reported on last Christmas Eve, a 100 gm bar of Cadbury’s Bourneville dark chocolate shot up in price from £1.35 to £1.50. There’s been another rip-off this month; up to £1.69. 11% for the first rip, now up 25% based on the older price.

Truth bomb

Our wonderful prime minister is declaring war on quangos, is he? Will he start by abolishing the 27 that he has created since taking over the job?

Not that much

The six billion quid that the Work & Pensions Sec. is hoping to save amounts to just less than 2% of the Welfare bill and is probably well within the margin of error for calculating it.
    That bill is also expected to be another £66 billion higher at the end of the decade. Cosmetic, or what.

They’re Okay

Does it really matter that America’s four top tech blokes have ‘lost’ a combined couple of hundred billion dollars through share price crashes? It’s not as if they’ll be wondering where their next meal is coming from, and what goes down goes back up again in due course.
    But it looks like the tech quartet will have to wait for their president to stop having fun and games with tariffs before there’s any hope of recovery.

Spot On

That’s the observation that the punishment should fit the crime, not the criminal, as the woke wonks of the Sentencing Council are trying to inflict on us.

Turn about

“How many poor people are you planning to kill with your welfare cuts, Prime Minister?” That’s what Labour would be asking in Opposition. So it’s only fair to ask them the same question when they’re confronted with the realities of being the government.

Desperation Move?

It has been suggested that if America won’t let Ukraine join NATO, then maybe they could become a member of the British Commonwealth to give them some allies.
    There are precedents for admitting countries which had nothing to do with the British Empire. Not that the rest of the Commonwealth would be that keen about putting boots on the ground to protect Ukraine. Especially the spivs with their hands out for bogus slavery reparations.

Even more evil intent

This week’s assault on the farming industry is cutting off its subsidies. I don’t remember seeing anything about that in the Labour election manifesto. But then again, one hell of a lot was left out of that piece of fiction.

Another setback

The illegal ban on recruiting white males into the RAF has left the service short of Top Gun pilots and made a mockery of our wonderful PM’s promise to put jets in the sky over Ukraine.
    One does get the impression that there is vastly more illegal stuff going on in the public sector than in the whole rest of the civilian population put together.

What was that about?

Will we ever get an explanation for why a cargo ship rammed into the side of a tanker, which was at anchor off the Yorkshire coast? It sounds like a deliberate assault on our coastline by one of our eastern enemies if the tanker is polluting everywhere with jet fuel.
    Unless everyone on the tanker had been celebrating someone’s birthday and the entire crew was in a drunken stupor. But then again, what are the chances of the collision via random chance rather than a deliberate assault?

Political ‘reality’

A KC has told the PM that his attempts to make copyright theft okay in the UK conflict with international law in the form of the Berne Convention, which established that copyright exists as soon as something is written down or otherwise recorded.
    Mr. Smarmer is trying to pretend that as the Convention doesn’t mention A.I. specificially, it’s okay for him to ignore it. Even though the Convention was formulated in 1886, when A.I. didn’t exist.
    So much for the lawyer’s grasp on reality.

Secret reality

It took a 2-year campaign by members of the Press to expose a secret College of Policing protocol that required police officers to report contacts with journalists as well as known criminals, suspects and extremists.
    That protocol has now been cancelled and the CoP is no longer allowed to pretend that journalists are a danger to the police and enemies of society.
    And trust in the people in charge of things like the police has been damaged further.

TV versus reality

In every episode of T.J. Hooker, there are vehicles of one sort or another going up in flames. More than enough to keep TV news channels hopping with glee if it ever happened here. But we’re Once in a Blue Moonland compared to American TV.

Fantasy Politics

Some of Reform UK’s members want a shadow cabinet or a spokesperson for every key issue. President Farage has told them it’s impossible to have a full shadow cabinet with only five members (or 4 after Rupert Lowe got the chop).
    But what about the mouthpieces alternative? Nothing much on offer about that.

Complete the thought

Spotted in a newspaper being recycled: Donald Trump ordering Palestinian refugees to go to Jordan. Maybe he should have gone a bit further and ordered Israel to unoccupy the bits of Jordan that it has grabbed to give the refugees somewhere to go to.

How to be unhelpful to the max

A Daily Mail reader reported that when he phoned a nearby college to ask about its course on basic computer skills for oldies, he was told he’d have to apply online.
    Would that be after using a time machine to ask his future self how to do it?

Mute button at the ready

FIFA is keen to stick an NFL/CFL style half-time show into the next World Cup final for the sake of selling it to Americans TV viewers as the event will be spread from Mexico to Canada.
    Not a popular idea with the players, who are already moaning about all the delays of video refs in a sport which is supposed to be free-flowing, not episodic like the rugby variant played across the Atlantic.

Evolution in action

In the fantastic future, you won’t have to wait to middle age before you can have your Big Life Crisis. The unsettling effect of being exposed to social media is dragging the crisis to younger and younger ages. And this won’t be helped by the government’s assaults on the Safer Phones Bill, which are making it a joke.

With Gritted Teeth?

How much of a strain was it for the Six Million Dollar Man to keep a smile going whilst having to listen to Sonny Bono crooning appallingly during one of his episodes?

An ally we don’t need

The PM of the south of Ireland thinks a good way to be mates with out wonderful PM is to offer to help him to unpick Brexit by stealth. Smarmer’s bound to jump at that. Groan!
    Beer is also reported to be ready and willing to let Chinese spies and the mob who persecute those who escaped from Hong Kong have a free hand here in pursuit of a trade deal with China. And there will be more tax rises in next month’s Spring Statement. Groan again!

Cause & Effect

According to some bunch of experts, 75% of the UK population will be obese by 2050. Which should give the government of the day a large incentive to chuck out illegal and unwanted migrants to leave a bit of room for every else!

More export fodder

Starting with the exhibitionist who was clambering about on Big Ben’s home in London waving a Palestinian flag. And continuing with the yobs who painted their slogan on the Trump golf course in Scotland. Not because we approve of Trump but because we don’t need so many yobs.

Just lame

One of our wonderful courts has ruled that we can send a criminal back to where he came from; Jamaica; as having a criminal record would prevent him from getting a job.
    Shame we can’t make the judge give the criminal board and lodging instead of expecting the taxpayer to fork out.

Great life

The Speaker of the House of Commons is getting a lot of unwelcome publicity after some rotten person did some checking up and found he’d blown a quarter of a million pounds of our money on jaunts around the world. Doing what? Apparently, his over-pompous and peerageless predecessor, the unloved Bercow, took a decade to run up a bill of similar size.

Not all bad!

Reform UK might have the hump with suspended MP Rupert Lowe but he is on our side if he thinks illegals should be dumped on a remote Scottish island and left to feed the midges.

Propaganda everywhere

The rubbish that comes out of universities takes all the biscuits in the tin, these days. There are professors who want global warming swindle propaganda in every lesson in schools.
    Also decolonization by pretending no one from Britain ever achieved anything, it was all done by foreigners and particularly non-white ones.
    Judy Vance is a tool and a half but he was 100% right about the enemies we have to worry about being the ones within.

Philosophy Corner

1. A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.
2. A loser is often a winner who tried one time too many.
    Take your pick.

Really Misleading

‘Keeping bathtime flowing’ read the slogan on the van. Someone called a plumber? No, on the driver’s door was ‘British Gas’ and the slogan ‘here to solve’.
    And to think, someone was actually paid to come up with that.

Never-ending cycle

If everyone in the UK gave up eating dairy and meat, it would have no measurable effect on the global climate, and we’d just have the control freaks yelling at us to give up something else to Save The Planet a bit more.

Terrific Explanation

Footballers constantly spitting on the pitch ensure that it’s well lubricated for those who want to do a slide after scoring a goal.
    Okay, that works!

Absolute non-event

How serious is the ongoing spat between Reform UK MPs? It’s a storm in an eggcup which the news meeja are trying to pretend is a tropical storm as big as the one currently battering bits of Australia. It will all be spent history by the next general election.

Ignorance or intent?

Apparently, President Zelenskiy announced ages ago that he won’t be wearing a suit until the war with Russia is over. If the bozos in charge of the USA don’t know that, and their minions don’t know it either, they’re a bunch of useless lumps. And if they do know and they’re ignoring it, they’re a bunch of nasty bastards.

Get Real

“If you find the following programme offensive and/or discriminatory, you need to grow up, get a life and stop being a far-Left woke wimp.”
    That’s what they should be saying before episodes of long-lasting 20th century TV shows.

Pass

There was a lengthy and pious plug for heat pumps on what was supposed to be the BBC lunchtime news yesterday. Why get one at vast expense and be very afraid to leave a door open?
    To reduce your carbon footprint.
    And what will this actually achieve?
    Bugger all as far as the global (or your local) climate is concerned. And we weren’t told, of course, that the heat pump has a big control pot in a cupboard. Something that looks like it has 1,001 ways to go wrong and need costly repairs on top of an annual servicing.
    If electricity is ever made affordable to ‘working people’, e.g. by binning Edstone and his Nett Zero, some electric radiators and timers looks a much more reliable way of heating a home than a clunking heat pump.

Easy Target

This week’s nickname for Rachel Thieves is ‘The Chancer of the Exchequer’. No doubt there will be something equally cute along next week.

Temporary Relief?

Yesterday was the first day of the year when it actually felt warm outside! Not that the Mansion cat was impressed.
    She went out for a while but she was soon back indoors again, doing her Sphinx impression on her favourite stretch of window sill.
    She got some courage in the afternoon, however, and disappeared for a couple of hours. And after stocking up with some grub, she was off again. Stuck indoors in the evening when the rain arrived.

Helpful suggestion

Stephen Glover of the Daily Mail suggested that next time President Zelenskiy has to interact with Trump, he does it with interpreters there in the name of preventing misunderstanding.
    This would also serve to slow down Trump if he slips back into bully mode.

A set up

Was the Trump/Vance violent assault on President Zelenskiy spontaneous? Not if there was a stooge journalist hovering with the job of asking why Zelenskiy wasn’t wearing a suit as the trigger for the whole disgraceful display.
    Politicians – don’t trust them. Ever.

Looks can deceive

Is the weather wonderful? It certainly looked bright and cheery with the Sun shining down from a lightly clouded sky yesterday. But the Mansion cat wasn’t convinced. She preferred to look out at the sunlit scene from her favourite indoor window sill.

No Disaster

After the alarmists had their moment of panic, NASA and the European Space Agency have reduced the odds of the asteroid 2024 YR4 hitting the Earth down from 3% to 0.001-2%. We can all relax. But have a moment of regret that some kindly deity didn’t arrange for the asteroid to smash onto Putin’s Black Sea palace!

An Explanation

Was Trump having a Biden moment when he accused Ukraine of starting the war with Russia? Trump seems to be having quite a lot of them now that he’s back in the White House.
    Either that, or he just can’t be bothered to pay attention.
    Or maybe a bit of both.

He has form for it

If some tinpot international court rules that Ukraine is rightfully part of Greater Russia, will our wonderful prime minister do a Chagos-style sell-out on President Zelenskiy?

Pull the other one

‘Is this new proof that Jim Morrison DID fake his own death?’ read the headline. To which the answer is nah!
    Could the sometime front man of The Doors be alive and working as a maintenance man in Syracuse at the grand old age of 83? Yeah, sure.

Just a suggestion

What the world needs is a lot more charientism anywhere politics rears its ugly head. That’s insults disguised as jests.

Incomplete Obliteration

Little John of the Daily Disaster came up with an interesting point. Lord Nelson’s portrait has been stuck in a cupboard at the Palace of Westminster and pictures of the likes of Home Sec. Pixie Balls-Cooper are replacing our famous ancestors.
    In the real world, pubs are still being called The Nelson with a picture of the admiral on the sign. Little John can’t imagine a pub being named after Pixie. Me neither.

Not sold on it

Okay, the series is called Bergerac and it’s set on Jersey, but what does it have to do with the series we remember, and which is being repeated around it?
    They might as well have called it Kojak. There’s about the same amount of connection with the original.

Just what we need

The leader of the Conservative party and the leader of Labour in a competition to be the more boring and the better at spouting lots and lots of words without actually saying anything.
    Plenty of exercise for the finger that lands on the TV remote control’s mute button when we see either of them spouting.

Ingenuity pump to maximum

Reporter: “Mr. President, do you still think President Zelenskiy is taking us into World War Three?”
Trump (with a big sarky smile): “Did I say that?”

Repeat, Pause, Repeat

“This is a once in a generational [insert cliché],” quoth the prime minister.
    “If only it were,” sighs his audience.

Long slog

It took the UK 61 years to pay off our bill to the United States after 6 years of World War II. Is that 30 and a half years of payments in store for Ukraine to do the same for their war with Russia if it’s ever called off?
    Let us hope the minerals last out if Trump stops being a wise guy and gets on with making a decent deal.

Groan!

The Chinese plague laboratory in Wuhan has discovered another coronavirus strain in bats. If it can jump species to humans, it will kill 33% of those infected. Let us hope the Chinese now have some biosecurity measures in place in Wuhan or we’re in for another terrible time.

Regal Collateral Damage

King Charles seems to be stuck in the middle of a campaign to cancel the state visit offered to President Trump before Trump and Vance did their mad-dog attack on President Zelenskiy.
    But delaying it with a boot into the long grass seems more likely than calling it off completely. Maybe until the golfing weather is bad.
    Something that won’t improve Trump’s mood any is the way President Zelenskiy was received enthusiastically here by the European leaders, and he also got to spend an hour with King Charles at Sandringham without needing a letter of invitation delivered by Beer Smarmer.

Editing our literary heritage

Kids are abandoning reading books in favour of listening to audiobooks? Well, that’s it for spelling. And eventually, everything not audioed will become inaccessible.

Another con job

Our wonderful prime minister is claiming that he’s going to increase spending on the Defence of the UK. But he’s not denying that the cash he plans to hand to Mauritius during the Chagos Islands betrayal will come out of the Defence budget rather than going on anything of benefit to the UK.
    More smoke and mirrors.

Just so you know

Correspondents are requested not to refer to the Chancellor as Rachel from Accounts as it’s an insult to every competent person working in an accounts department.

Fair’s Square

If, in the future, Europe will have to stop freeloading on America for its Defence against Russia, then it’s only right that the rest of the world should have to stop freeloading on the UK via foreign aid.
    How absolutely amazing that our wonderful prime minister has actually realized this.

Brilliant idea

Instead of the government & local authorities doing their job and creating effective flood defences, the plan now is to release beavers at strategic points to build green dams to deal with a local flooding problem.
    And if there is any flooding, it’s the fault of the beavers, not the politicians!

A spot of confusion

Beer Smarmer’s plan to boost defence spending to 2.5% of GDP by 2027 has been dismissed in the newspapers as a ‘pathetic sap’ to appease President Trump.
    But don’t they mean a pathetic ‘sop’ delivered by a pathetic sap? The vowel makes all the difference.

Well, that was unexpected

Is President Trump getting so desperate for something totally outrageous to do that he had to resort to picking a fight with President Zelenskiy of Ukraine during a televised do at the White House?
    Definitely a master class in The Art of Avoiding a Deal!

Shot in the foot

In these hard times, the charity Macmillan Cancer Support has had to sack a quarter of its staff and cancel a hardship scheme. But, as noted previously, it can still find £100K to offer as the salary for a head of diversity crap.
    The charity is now even worse off as subscribers are giving up in disgust and diverting their generosity elsewhere after finding that their donations will be wasted.

Zero social responsibility

Is there something about becoming a Labour local councillor that switches part of the brain off?
    That’s the obvious conclusion to be drawn from the police telling councillors to call off a meeting about one of their mad, anti-social schemes because the local police farce couldn’t guarantee their safety from outraged CTax-payers objecting to a totally mad scam drawn up by mentally challenged councillors.

Smart move

Our wonderful prime minister’s decision to sacrifice overseas aid in the cause of building up our defences was a real surprise from the bloke who seems intent on selling out our country at every opportunity.
    It has upset lots of the right people but it does make sense. We as a nation have put a lot of money and effort into civilizing the rest of the world but what do we get in return?
    No, not appreciation, just Caribbean spivs demanding trillions of pounds for slavery reparation, which have nothing to do with either historic slavery or modern slavery. They just want a pot they can stick their mitts into.
    Tell them all to sod off. You know it makes sense.

Priority shambles

It really dries up the milk of human kindness to read that a charity has sacked a quarter of its staff, presumably in response to our wonderful Chancellor’s National Insurance assault on working people, but the charity bosses still think it’s a good idea to waste £100,000 of donations on the salary of someone to be their head of diversity crap.

No great rush, then?

I was amazed to read that the estimate for fixing those sink holes in Surrey is at least a year. And it’s not just the people living next to the cavities who are suffering by having nowhere to live. All the businesses in the area are losing income.
    When The Universe has it in for you, it can get really, really vindictive!

Crazy craze

You have to be really short of something to do if your best is to make a video of dropping something heavy on your foot so you can rate how painful it is.
    Doing it with something that’s not likely to end up broken is one thing, but using a PC monitor or an air fryer? Just daft.
    But the internet needs content to put adverts round.

Another curve-ball

Picking a safe place to live is not always easy. You can find out if an area is subject to flooding quite easily, and you can choose to live on a road that rises up toward the top.
    But what about avoiding sink holes, like the pair that opened up in Godston, in Surrey?
    Not really something most people would think of.

Gone guy

Whatever happened to the distinctively named Adrian Zmed, the side-kick in T.J. Hooker? Okay, I could look up his biog on the interweb but it can’t be all that much if he’s not a regular in one of the other old episodes that I tend to watch.

Life bites back

It’s definitely alarming when the bathroom door knob comes away in your hand. Less so when the door isn’t closed, leaving you trapped.
    There on the floor was the fixing screw, which must have been quietly unscrewing itself for who knows how long.
    So what do you do about that?
    Make sure that every doorknob is fitted with the screw at the top, not underneath and out of sight?
    Send a minion round to check every doorknob in the mansion?
    Put a screwdriver in every room?
    That’s life all over; full of little surprises, some of them really quite nasty.

The trend

It seems that everything, but everything has to be rhubarb flavoured now. Which sounds like an excellent way to make everything boring and samey.
    Still, all the more of the unfashionable stuff for those who are not dedicated followers of fashion.

Reality bites bum

Well, I never. The Trump strategy has worked and our prime monster has been forced to divert cash to defence from foreigners who are never grateful and just yell for even more, no matter how much they get. And the spivs who make a mint out of the aid industry.

No better

Not that the current breed of politicians is any better than the ones who are being called failures. Not if they keep on lying about their Nett Zero agenda, which is ridiculously unaffordable.
    Every honest analysis comes out at the costs outweigh any benefits by a considerable margin.
    But still our sorry crew of politicians ploughs on.

More ‘blame it on the past’

The reason why judges are getting away with making what are frankly brain-dead decisions is the fault of the politicians of the past, they would have us believe.
    Former politicians failed to future-proof their laws by failing to realize how clottish some of the judges of the future would be!

Badly Educated

Why are MPs out of touch with reality? The universities most of them went to are getting the blame for allowing free speech to be banned and making only a far-Left agenda be acceptable.

Confected disaster

We keep being told that oil is running out and that’s why it’s necessary to waste trillions of pounds on occasional energy sources.
    Whatever happened to the view in the 20th century that we have 200 years’ known oil reserves now and much more as yet undiscovered?
    Whatever happened to fusion power, which was being touted as The Next Big Thing in the 1970s?
    Vested interests and climate crooks, that’s what.

Having a break

The BBC TV show Dr. Who is going into temporary retirement after the damage that the wokists of Disney have done to the franchise. But the BBC is threatening to revive it when most people have forgotten how dreadful it became.
    The James Bond film franchise is now in the hands of Amazon boss and space pioneer Mr. Bezos. Something else going down the same road?

Betrayal at every turn

Another jolly for Beer Smarmer this week; off to the US and a chance to stock up at the duty-free shop. Not that he’ll get much change out of D. Trump.
    The POTUS is a bloke who looks after his country’s interests. Smarmer is a bloke who kneels down in support of a dead foreign criminal, wants to donate £18 billion of our cash to Mauritius for no good reason and wants to tear up our copyright laws for big firms with A.I. projects.

What’s the game?

Are the nation’s judges in some sort of competition to see who can come up with the daftest reason for abusing the law in the favour of someone who doesn’t deserve it?
    Sure looks like that’s happening.

If Only

The Department of Government Efficiency in the US is hoping to be able to offer a DOGE Dividend of $5,000 to all American citizens after it has dispensed with the wasteful Blob elements in their civil service.
    The big problem with doing something like that here is that our wonderful Labour government would insist on a share for everyone, illegal immigrants included, and we’d all end up with about 3p each.

Confusion Achieved

President Trump has got himself noticed by everyone. His apologists, such as Nigel Farage, are having to interpret his ramblings. His enemies are claiming he’s been in the KGB’s pocket since the 1980s and that’s why he’s on Putin’s side.
    It will be interesting to see how this mess is resolved.

Good luck with that

The new Chancellor of Oxford University, former Conservative leader William Hague, is determined to trample all over the cancel and no-platform culture adopted by the snowflake students. It will be interesting to see how far and how fast he gets with his crusade.

Just a thought

How many virtue points does a council score if it bans phones in schools but fails to ensure that the little buggers with a phone actually go to their school?

Revelation

Daily Mail columnist Craig Brown has introduced me to a new word – unecdote. An anecdote is a small story, which can be funny. An unecdote is neither, just rambling piffle.
    Not that I’m exposed to them as I don’t watch the TV shows where they are common as fillers. Like the one hosted by someone called Graham Norton.

On the fiddle

As well as getting an undeserved pay rise, MPs have managed to cut a whole week out of their work time by skiving off early. MPs who can’t cope with the hours at Westminster are reported to have become zombies!

Another one

A spot more presumption from London’s useless mayor, who had the cheek to tell a meeting of EU ambassadors that Brexit was a mistake.
    “Not nearly as bit a mistake as you, mate!” seems to be the best counter.

Gone rogue

I must have nodded off for a minute, but when did it become illegal to notice that some judges are screwing up big time by inventing their own perverse version of the laws which came out of Parliament?
    And when were the bosses of the legal profession awarded the right to chide MPs and us non-legals for daring to disapprove of what the cowboys get up to?
    No sign of an apology for the presumption, but then that sort of person doesn’t.

Another Creaky Joe?

President Trump seems to have confused Putin’s assault on Ukraine with World War II if he thinks MILLIONS have died.
    The problem now is how to tell him he got it wrong if he knows everything.

Somewhat off target

There were big splodges of blue and yellow on yesterday’s weather map for where the Mansion is sited for today.
    But no rain, the sun is shining and the gales have stopped.
    Get out of that!

Defence for us

What we need is a defence against what the government is telling us about defence. We have Beer Smarmer’s madcap scam to put 15,000 troops we couldn’t raise and equip in Ukraine.
    We have the Defence Secretary going on about building up our forces with no extra cash on offer.
    Not a note of sanity or reality anywhere.

Olympians they ain’t

The bosses of the legal trade in England and Wales have the hump because politicians in the House of Commons, where laws are made, are daring to notice that immigration tribunal judges are abusing the laws made by Parliament.
    Is the government expected to ignore Judge Norton-Failure abusing a scheme for Ukrainian refugees to try to get Gazans into the UK? Something which is outraging Patricks Chrispys on GB Views.
    Or a ruling that a 23-year-old bloke from Sudan is a child refugee?
    We should be hearing about sackings of dodgy judges and promises from the bosses to do a better job in future, not this arrogant ranting.

Instant response!

Unload a complaint about how slow everything is going, and suddenly it’s express speed all the way. Mr. Google is paying attention!

Had it coming

Another Daily Disaster reader; sarky sod; was asking us to rate Rachel Reeves’ performance now that she’s been the Chancellor for almost a decade!
    And another sarky reader wanted us to leave her alone as she’s obviously not very good with figures.

Easy Solution

Suck for a plot on T.J. Hooker? Shoot one of the four lead characters! And give him/her a week off.
    Stacey’s turn last night. And a chance for Hooker to do a lot of emoting.

Going nowhere slowly

Doing updates here is a real pain today. Slow, slow, slow. Mr. Google over-extending himself again?

Belabouring the point

A Daily Disaster reader objected to fines on hospital trusts as it just deprives customers of treatment and shoves cash into the pockets of the legal trade. Penalties on managers and others who screw up makes better sense. And the odd sacking pour encourager les autres would be an excellent addition.

Weather Woes

Confusing is a good way to describe the weather at the moment. The sun was shining and it was quite warm when I ventured out of doors yesterday morning; only to see that everything was wet.
    Which turned out to be the script for the afternoon, grey and wet. And then today: sunny start, gale force winds and the Mansion cat sitting on a window sill, looking out, choosing not to be out there.

Apt setting

Donald Trump’s speech to the world last night was delivered  in front of massed F.U. Institute logos. The reason why soon became clear.
    It’s his message to Ukraine.
    Trump’s ‘deal’ to end the war seems to be land for Putin the Poisoner and Ukrainian minerals for Trump. And sod the people who own the land and the minerals.

Can’t be said often enough

If judges make daft decisions, the people paying their wages are entitled to criticise, name and shame them. And it they don’t like it, tough!
    Especially when their absurd decisions endanger the lives of British citizens.

Just Pesky

What is it about ballpoint pens from reputable manufacturers which stop working with loads of ink left in the tube?
    A deliberate conspiracy to irk the customers?
    Or a plot to make them feel guilty for not using a fountain pen with real liquid ink for their scribblings?

Getout Clause

The people who measure these things are claiming that 20% of girls born this year will make the grand old age of 100. So much for all the panic about the Planet becoming unliveable on by the middle of this century.
    But it’s also the sort of prediction that can be made by people who know they’ll be long dead and forgotten if they turn out to be way off the mark.

Cute

How do you create the illusion that you’ve created 2 million extra NHS appointments?
    The best suggestion I’ve come across is to compare the number of appointments on offer in a period after the NHS strikers had been bought off with the number of appointments offered during a period of similar length when prolonged strikes were going on.

Maybe there’s a reason for it

A Daily Disaster reader was complaining about people going about with downcast eyes instead of doing ‘hail fellow, well met’ beams at everyone they meet.
    The best rebuttals have to be 1. looking down to avoid being tripped up by a broken pavement and 2. looking down to avoid treading on something a dog owner failed to scoop up.

Some considerable distance off target

It has been pointed out that Labour has been making a big thing out of deporting people who were working here illegally, usually in the black economy, and paying their way.
    It’s a shame our wonderful government can’t get rid of the scroungers who are sponging off the nation.

Green, baby, green

The mad scramble to legitimize a third runway for Heathrow airport is getting to the edges of reality. Electric planes are being touted as part of the equation, even though they waste a huge amount of their energy on hauling massive batteries around.
    And then there are sustainable fuels; substitutes for kerosene with a fiddled pedigree to make them okay. All of which ignores the inescapable fact that nothing done here will have the slightest measurable effect on the global climate.

Not wanted on voyage

The attitude of the Russians and the Americans seems to be that Europe is totally irrelevant to their plans for Ukraine. And poor old Ukraine doesn’t seem to be all that relevant either.
    Something that’s possible when Europe has become just a rather pathetic talking shop and in decline?

Good way to waste time

We had just the verbal ‘unsuitable for younger children’ message before last night’s episode of T.J. Hooker, which suggests that some sucker has had to watch the box sets to rate each episode as worthy of a mild verbal warning or needing the screenful of wibbly woke BS.
    Well, it’s a living, I suppose.

Different strokes

President Trump made a big thing about not making any more one-cent coins as they cost two cents to make. The government here seems to be phasing out copper coins on the sly.
    According to something I read during the week, no 1p and 2p coins were ordered from the Royal Mint last year. Death by disappearance down the back of the sofa?

A heap of doubt

A newspaper survey found that only 85% of the participants thought our wonderful Chancellor isn’t doing a good job. Do the other 15% really believe she is doing a good job? Or were they just committed Labour voters saying it through gritted teeth?

Hubris

You stick the taxpayer with the bill for a brand new hi-viz yellow jacket, you trot off to Milton Keynes to unload some BS on the media about building 1.5 million new homes on the Green Belt and what happens?
    A huge gang of farmers turn up to honk their tractor horns and send you back to Downing Street with your tail between your legs.

Good Change

The British Army is dropping a woke system for assessing fitness, which was imposed back in 2019. Fatties in uniform will now have to get themselves fit to fight.
    No danger of whoever came up with the woke crap being put in front of a firing squad for some target practice? Shame.

Short Change

You can’t trust anyone, these days. Not even the Church of England, which is in trouble for trying to fob Communicants off with alcohol-free wine and ‘bread’ made with some gluten-free substitute. So much for the tradition of centuries.

Well, maybe

According to the computer Deep Thought in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42.
    A box of 40 gramme bars of Romney’s Kendal Mint Cake, as recently received, contains 42 of them.
    Is there a connection?
    Wouldn’t it be nice if there were!

Keep Going!

I noticed that the menu for a Mediterranean cruise advertised in the paper included a stop at the Greek holiday island of Santorini.
    Clearly, the advert was composed before the current of swarm of earthquakes, one of which reached over Richter 5, which is considerable.

And Yet Another

It has been pointed out that new health minister Ashley Dalton thinking people who identify as a llama don’t deserve derision is no worse than applying this approach to asses like the rest of Bier Smarmer’s crew identifying as politicians.

And Another

Bier Smarmer has sacked a minion for hoping one pensioner croaks before the next election.
    What about the guesstimated 6,000 pensioners whom Bier will actually kill by stealing their Winter Fuel Allowance?
    What’s he still doing in his job?

Valid Point

The morons at the Science Museum, who object to Lego bricks for being heterosexual, it has been pointed out, have ignored plugs which are pushed into sockets. Same bullshit, next on the list for the morons?

Man with a mission

President Trump has cancelled the drop-to-bits paper drinking straws which Creaky Joe Biden insisted had to replace more practical plastic straws, which are now okay again.
    He has also cancelled making any more one-cent copper coins because they cost two cents to manufacture. Unlike our own wonderful government, he has clearly spent his four years out of office coming up with things that need doing.
    Oh, for someone like him instead of a Labour party which thrashes around aimlessly, wrecking as it goes.

Schmeparations

I’ve just read an interesting article about all this slavery reparations business, and the closer you look at it, the more absurd it gets. Starting with the demand for trillions of pounds from us to give to people who weren’t affected by slavery.
    Worse, some of the cash will come from people living here who were born in the West Indies and don’t get an exemption from the slavery tax.
    Will our government have the courage to tell the scroungers to get knotted?
    Or will Bier and Co. just hurl some cash in their direction and hope to buy their silence? Definitely option 2, based on what the current incarnation of the Labour party is doing in office.

Plain monotony

The thing that was striking about a newspaper picture of a London street full of tractors and farmers on Tuesday is how the same the tractors all looked. They were mainly green with a scattering of yellow ones. How unadventurous.
    When did the traditional red tractor die out?

Just unreliable

Given the flow of obtuse decisions from High Court judges; chicken nuggets, human rights abuses, claiming soldiers shooting IRA terrorists on the rampage is murder, etc.; would omitting them from the assisted dying scrutiny process really be a tragedy that kills the Bill?
    There is now a huge gap between expectations and performance, as far as the judiciary is concerned, and no guarantee that a social worker couldn’t do the job as competently, or badly, as a High Court judge.
    But the way things are going, the Bill looks doomed anyway.

Someone else doing it

Nigel Farage thinks his Reform UK gang has reached the stage of maturity such that he can safely kick out the looneys without depleting membership numbers too much.
    Next thing you know, he’ll actually have a couple of policies. Which should be two more than the Labour lot seem to have.

Making Things Happen

The thing about President Trump is that he’s an ideas man. Okay, some of the ones he comes up with are obvious non-starters, but having made his suggestion, he can turn to the scoffers and challenge them to come up with something better.
    And leave them with egg on their face when they can’t.

Judging the judges

What can we do about the perverse judges who make lunatic decisions? How about a 3-month course on half pay to teach them that they must apply the laws passed by Parliament, not their own perversions of them, then a 6-month probation period with close scrutiny on three-quarter pay?
    And, of course, the sack if they don’t shape up.

Always has, always will be

Why all the synthetic outrage about the Labour clowns who went to town on WhatsCrapp? Cattiness and potty mouthing are what gangs of people do when they think no one outside the group knows what they are up to.

Eyes off the job

There’s taking the piss, and there’s letting the bloke who’s supposed to be in charge of our border security shirk @ home in bloody Finland.
    What have we done to deserve a government which keeps working hard to outdo itself in daftness?

The case for isolationism

The big problem with foreigners is that so many of them are ungrateful grabbers. India has a space programme – paid for out of our overseas aid – but never a word of gratitude.
    Barbados is a grabber. Never a word of thanks for being civilized by Britain, which ended the slave trade, just the out-stretched hand accompanied by beams of approval from its hireling, Smarmer’s Attorney General.

40 grammes of havoc

I’ve just taken delivery of some of Mr. Romney’s Kendal Mint Cake and as soon as I retrieved a bar from the box, I realized it’s something you need to enjoy in the privacy of your own home rather than in a public place.
    Why? Because there’s the trigger word WHITE printed at both ends of a bar’s wrapper! The word calculated to make the far-Left froth with violent rage and drop snowflakes in their tracks as if pole-axed.

Pathetic Propaganda

Our wonderful government is showing us videos of doors being kicked down to round up illegal migrants and docile bodies going aboard airliners.
    What we’re not told is that the ones getting on the planes are volunteers for eviction, who have been paid £3,000 of our money for doing it.
    And as for the door-kicking. How much of a dent did Labour’s claimed 19,000 exports make in the guesstimated 1.5-2 million illegals in the UK? Lying with a little of the truth again.

Blip

The full woke whinge before T.J. Hooker was back again last night. Maybe the temporary absence on Monday was due to some minion at Legend giving it a polish.

Unfit for service

How to shoot yourself in the foot. Be a Chief Constable who pleads poverty. And then has to admit to spending £1.4 million of taxpayers’ money on diversity nonsense.

Possible destination?

Maybe the Legend trigger-warners have been recruited by the University of the West of England, which has managed to stick 220 of them on the plays of William Shakespeare.
    According to the management, this was done at the request of the pathetic brats who attend this alleged centre of education.
    Doesn’t exactly give you confidence for the future.

Somewhat Weird

I had a delivery coming in today and when I clicked on the tracking option, I was somewhat surprised to see ‘Tracking | UPS - United States’ as the title in the new tab.
    Obviously a long-distance job, this tracking thing!

Wonder of wonders

The paragraph of pathetic woke triggers before T.J. Hooker was replaced last night by a simple verbal warning that this cop show might not be suitable for children.
    Has the Legend channel grown up?
    Or was it just a momentary aberration?

Definitely Super

Our NFL fans were rather surprised to see just 19 minutes of Super Bowl 59 highlights on YouTube rather than the whole match on offer when they looked yesterday morning. But having recorded the broadcast on ITV, they weren’t bothered.
    It was certainly quite a match, and the Eagles made a good job of keeping the Chiefs out of it. What an awful half-time show with some rapper. That got very short shrift from the fast-forward button!

Share the blame

How come we’re never told where the kids in the WaterAid TV advertisements live? The African kids who ‘have no choice’. How come they don’t name and shame the politicians who let their kids live like this?

Less bottle bashing

How curious that the Noise Abatement Society isn’t getting the blame for local councils swindling their customers by reducing the frequency of refuse and recyling stuff collections and sparing them the racket of bottles and cans crashing into a big lorry.

Not a chance

If the PM sacks a cosmetic minister for being a twat on the internet, does that make him a national hero, as certain Labourites would have us believe?
    Nah, Beer Smarmer remains as dishonest and inept as ever. And the man whose Chagos betrayal will cost us billions of pounds which we can’t afford to waste and make it easier for the Chinese to intercept and meddle with satellite communications vital to the defence of the Western World.

So much for equality

Rayner is also being accused of trying to pander to the Moslems in her constituency by creating a blasphemy law which favours them without doing the same for all other religions. And atheists.
    Freedom of speech and British values count for nothing when a politician is on the make.

Another Labour lie

Beer Smarmer’s deputy, Angela Rayner, is attracting derision and fury in equal proportions for cancelling local elections in 9 areas because they would be ‘an expensive and irresponsible waste of money’.
    As the Labour party never has a problem with wasting taxpayers’ cash, this is obviously a lie.
    The real reason has to be political cowardice triggered by the expectation that Reform UK will replace any Labour councillors in the 9 regions.

Some prodding to do

Something to get your MP asking the goverment: “When is the government going to publish its figure for excess deaths caused by its reckless withdrawal of the Winter Fuel Allowance from pensioners?” See if you get an answer, but don’t be optimistic as many MPs are great at ignoring the customers.

Super Question

Opinions remain divided about the Super Bowl. Is it worth staying up until half-past two or three o’clock in the morning to watch it live and see if the Chiefs can threepete?
    Or is it better to record it and skip past all the boring bits, especially a half-time show by some amazing star you’ve never heard of? Or even just wait for it to be on YouTube?

Serving justice up properly

What we need is a panel of intelligent adults to scrutinize the records of judges and have the power to sack those who make really stupid decisions which allow foreign criminals to avoid deportation.

Let it go

Grenfell Tower’s remains should have been demolished years ago. A huge eyesore box full of rotting building remains is no sort of memorial to the dead, it’s just a constant reminder of the consequences of listening to the global warming fraudsters.

Something needing Trampling & Trumping

Has the sexual deviant lobby nothing better to do than have a go at Lego? Apparently not. No matter what the far-Left looneys at the Science Museum think, hetero is still the normal and always will be.

Right now matters

It’s all very well for Beer Smarmer to go on a jolly to chat about nuclear power, but that’s something that won’t be available for a decade, or probably a lot more, at the earliest.
    We need to keep the lights on now and the best way to go about that is to drop Edstone into a deep, dark hole and exploit our own off-shore oil and gas instead of buying it from abroad at inflated prices.

Shame about ours

Two contrasting political figureheads: DonaldTrump shows what can be done and how to do it, Beer Smarmer shows the world how to f*ck things up every single time he tries to do something.
    Trump puts America first and there is no doubt that he’s a leader. Smarmer’s record tells us that he is eager to sell out the UK at every opportunity, and he’s not a leader. Which is why he needs the deadlegs of the EU to tell him what to do because he’s totally clueless.

Fair game

Tough on the president of Mexico, but there’s no internationally recognized outfit responsible for naming bodies of water. Which means that if Donald Trump wants to call the bit of sea to the south of the United States the Gulf of America, the name is as valid as the current Gulf of Mexico title. Gulf of Amex?

Sense lacking, as usual

How come Batman, which is full of sock, pow violence and attempts to kill the Dynamic Duo, gets just a routine PG rating when T.J. Hooker cops for a long list of snowflake triggers?

Hot it’s not

If we’ve just had the hottest January in recorded history, how come my gas and electricity bills; just in from the supplier; haven’t dropped dramatically?
    Could it be due to the so-called experts quibbling about something that isn’t very much? Which is why they’re called Global Warming Fraudsters?

Fire hazard

Crumbs! Aren’t American cars explosive! Well, the ones in T.J. Hooker certainly are. The slightest hint of a shunt and Kaboom! A major bonfire of them.
    Were we fooled by the female impersonator in last night’s episode? Nah, not even for a minute.

No surprise

Beer Smarmer can get away with anything if police forces are in Labour’s pocket; or behave as if they are. A whole series of lock-down violations were reported. The police forces concerned are doing nothing about them. Two Tier Justice on steroids.
    And then there’s doubling the up-front payment to Mauritius for the Chagos Islands surrender. Billions of our money just casually wasted and he gets away with it.

Ain’t that so!

As noted on BlackFlag News, buy our prime minister dinner and he’s yours. Which means that we can expect another major sell-out after Beer’s trip to Brussels for dinner with 27 EU heads of government this week.

Making a splash

Six newspapers with a knocking job on Chancellor Reeves for trashing the economy as their front page lead has to be some sort of record.
    All she needs now is Beer Smarmer to say he has absolute confidence in her to confirm that she’s doomed.

Well, that was unexpected

An Xmas episode of T.J. Hooker in February with the man himself causing mayhem on the roads in a Santa suit and a brand new commandeered car, which he wrecked totally.

First, do lots of harm

The BMA, the trade union for doctors, wants the Workers’ Rights Charter sponsored by the deputy PM to include a right for medical staff to steam out on strike whenever they feel like it.
    And as BeeMers help to pay Labour’s way, no doubt they’ll get some sort of ticket to take a hike.
    And taxpayers wil end up paying more for less, as is always the outcome of these things.

Whatever happened to Equality?

Why is it a crime against humanity for Prince Andrew to have selective amnesia but okay for members of the government to display it? And also tell outright lies?

Too close to the truth?

Rejected pub quiz question [to my correspondent’s disgust]: Faecal Matters: a list of sewage contaminations of rivers by rogue water companies or a list of government policies which are sh*t?

Another Starmer Betrayal?

There’s a story going the rounds that our prime minister has done a Chagos Islands deal with Mauritius which doubles the original initial payment.
    If this is true, he will go down in history as a typical far-Left lawyer turned politician, who was eager to sell his country out at every opportunity and waste billions of pounds of our money in the process.
    If this is true, he belongs in the deepest, darkest, dankest dungeon available, not in a luxury apartment in Downing Street.

A bit out of touch?

20 Tunes to commute to. I could hum only 9 of them. So much for that. Or maybe I need to commute more on trains as the list came from the Rail Delivery Group, which did a survey of what its customers prefer.

Nice to see

It was really nice to see a TV critic giving a floperoony no stars. The flop in question was an episode of The Apprentice, something which I have never felt inspired to watch.

Interesting idea

President Trump is planning to move the worst foreign criminals out of the US and dump them at the Guantanamo Bay military base. It has been suggested that we could park our unwanted migrants on Chagos Islands. Give them a few tools and some copies of Robinson Crusoe and let them look after themselves.
    And no mobile phone bills to worry about.

Politicians, eh?

There’s a knife crime crisis in the capital city. What does the mayor do about it? Ignore it because he wants to blow 2 million quid of other people’s money on alleged works of art created by members of minorities. For no reason that makes any sense to a real person.

Misdirected blame

One of the most curious things coming out of the inquest on lock-downs for the Chinese plague is blaming them for kids not being toilet trained on arrival at school now.
    If they were at home with their parents, what were those parents doing that made them ignore giving their kids this essential social skill?

Not guilty enough

The water companies have to be feeling guilty if they sending out emails offering help to those who are struggling to pay their bill.
    Guilty about racking up huge amounts of debt in the company to overpay managers and foreign shareholders.
    Guilty about polluting waterways and neglecting vital infrastructure repairs.
    But not guilty enough to stop doing the bad stuff.

Double bubble

A Daily Mail letter proposed calling power blackouts Milibands in recognition of the idiot who caused them and to spare the feelings of snowflakes who can’t tolaterate works containing ‘black’.
    The printed version of the letter also included another A.I. hyphenation blunder: Milib-and at a line break.

Closer inspection needed

The Chancellor tells us her growth plan is ‘all about the pounds in people’s pockets’. Shame that plan involves picking those pockets until there are no more pounds in them.

Instant assessment

It was interesting to see President Trump express the opinion a lot of people hold about the Potomac air disaster. Shame it will take a year before the experts work out if the military helicopter pilot did, indeed, do something stupid. Still, it gave him a chance to take a pop at far-Left fashions such as DEI, which put vote-scrounging ahead of merit and public safety.

Every day another guess

A third runway for Heathrow airport will be our salvation! Well, it will according to our fantasist Chancellor. One HUGE snag; it won’t be operational for a decade at the soonest. And airline experts reckon building it won’t get started until 2050.
    So much for promoting economic growth now when we need it so desperately.

Eating crow

No, it’s not possible to feel sympathy for sleazy Mandelson, who has been forced to claim he now thinks Donald Trump is a really great guy after slagging him off for years.
    But it was good to watch his ‘hostage video’ and mock the obvious insincerity. And when he’s in Washington, he’ll know he ain’t foolin’ anyone.

A cute tax

How about a spot fine of £1,000 for everyone who claims that an opinion they don’t like is due to a far-Right attitude? And a ban on Labour politicians sticking the fine on their Parliamentary expenses, of course.

If only

In the good old days, the NFL Pro Bowl was an exhibition match with trimmed down rules to reduce violence. Even so, it could become really competitive if the teams felt challenged.
    Replacing it with 7-a-side flag football is clearly part of the ongoing dumbing down agenda. But maybe President Trump will step in and pep things up as part of his agenda to Make America Say Aaaah!

Cough up

In case you missed it, alcohol tax went up yesterday. That’s a small bonus from a Chancellor who promised no more tax rises for the people who gave it up in January.

Incredible but not impossible

It does seem incredible that a US military helicopter on a training flight could crash into an airliner which was on its landing approach to a Washington airfield, killing everyone.
    But they older you get, the more you realize that people have an infinite capacity for doing something totally crazy for no apparent reason and reliable machines fail without warning.

Backward step

It was rather depressing to read that the allegedly elite Russell group of universities are effectively dumbing down their exams because the gap between white, middle-class students and others for a first-class degree and a 2,1 is perceived to be too big.
    Excellence sacrificed for illusion. How very diverse.

Sod the UK, says Labour

The governments of EU nations feel free to ignore stupid rulings from the European Court of Human Rights. Our Attorney General has just announced that the UK is going to accept everything from the ECHR, no matter how stupid.
    Worse, any scumbag who turns up here to leech off the UK won’t be sent packing.
    This is betrayal on a grand scale.
    If Beer Smarmer had any sense of decency, he’d fire his crony Lord Humbug and give himself the sack. But, alas, Beer is an idiot and decency is the last thing you expect from far-Left lawyers turned Labour politician.

Cute

Illegal immigrants are irregular migrants and okay. Shoplifters are irregular shoppera and okay. Lying politicians are irregular truth-tellers and okay.
    Wot next?

The real priority

We don’t need to lead the world with net zero crap, as the Labour apologist lady was telling us on GB Views the other night.
    What we need to do is what’s best for Britain rather than letting the looney Left do lots of pointless virtue-flagging before they shove their fists back into the taxpayer’s pocket.

More wonkism

Is there anything more pathetic than the lengthy trigger warning that Legend feels is needed before episodes of series 3 of T.J. Hooker with its flashing name titles?
    You’d really struggle to come up with something dafter.

Vehicular Ambiguity

‘Trust Ford NOW’ read the sticker on the rear window of the car. Which means what? Ford has been untrustworthy in the past but they’ve changed their ways, honest, we really have?

Unsettling Uncertainty

We had a couple of flashovers the other evening well after dark; the lights went out and came back on again almost immediately. Nothing in the way of weather going on to cause them.
    Something to alarm all-electric houses with no solid fuel heating in at least one room?

Bill, Bill all the way

It was a real Shatner night last night. He was in episodes of Star Trek, then T.J. Hooker then The 6 Million Dollar Man. Curiously, there was no trigger warning about the last one even though Bill could talk to dolphins after a trip into space!

Educational lapse

Storm E followed by Storm H? Whatever happened to Storm Farq and Storm Ghoolies?
    Short-changed, or what!

Consumption is the key

That story about Thames Water commissioning a survey of the real population of the London area and finding that it contains 12% of unsuspected illegals, based on water consumption, has been outed as nothing new.
    The sewage output of an area has been used in the past to work out real populations. Which leaves us wondering why the government never goes after real world data instead of making guesses. Probably because it’s easier to lie about the guesses than actual facts.

Not going to achieve much

Murderers who won’t go to the court room should have victim impact statements piped to their cell, the boss of the Prison Officers’ trade union reckons. But what if the prisoner just sticks his fingers in his ears? It’s not as if the screws dare remove them as they’d be violating the criminal’s human rights.

Two ways to do it!

How do you stop a shoplifter in a powered wheelchair who just drives around a police car when it tries to overtake and stop in front of the criminal? [As seen on GB Views last night.]
    The best choices offered have been 1. side-swipe the wheelchair and knock it over, and 2. pull alongside the wheelchair and shoot the occupant in the head!

Not that reliable

Virgin Media’s broadband internet was really crapidocious yesterday afternoon in my area. Sometimes, it zips along. But yesterday, I was sitting watching nothing happening for long periods until I jacked it in in disgust and did something else.

Double Talk

The government is turning regulation into strangulation with even more red tape despite all the talk about reducing it.
    It’s the same scenario as the PM and the Chancellor going on about growing the economy when not talking it down and taxing it into a slump.

Good holiday destination?

Maybe it would be a good idea to take a trip to the United States to see if I can spend this!

 

Nothing changes human nature

Despite 80 years of remembering the day when Allied troops reached the death factory at Auschwitz, I can’t see that the retelling is doing anything to change attitudes to minorities and neighbours. Africa and the Middle East are still full of civil wars and assaults on neighbours, and the message clearly hasn’t reached China.

Instant Alert

As soon as you hear a council mouthpiece utter the word ‘carbon’ in an excuse for making refuse collections monthly, the dodgy geezer flag pops up.
    If the council is out of cash, you just know it has been wasted on diversity crap and global warming swindles.

Going from experience

The government’s apologists are frantically trying to throw a security blanket around the Attorney General, Lord Hermer, with respect to the Chagos Islands and Adams the IRA terrorist.
    But if it’s lawyers plus politics plus Labour, then there can be no presumption of innocence in the real world. We have to start off from a presumption of guilt and it’s up to the accused to prove he’s innocent.

Not wanted on voyage

What use to us is a lawyer, prime minister, attorney general, etc. who can accept only decisions against the best interests of the UK taxpayer from foreign courts of doubtful authority and relevance?
    What use to us is a system that doesn’t let us bin people like that before they can do permanent damage to the country?

No satisfying some people

South Cambridgeshire council thought it would be cute to lets its employees be paid 5 days’ wages for 4 days’ work. But all this has achieved is to turn some of the staff into mental wrecks, who think everyone who pays council tax hates them for being part of the swindle.

Untouchable

The lastest from Elon Musk about his alleged Nazi salutes at the Trump reinstatement is vague defiance. “I can get away with anything now”, seems to be the message. And he could well be right!

Unlikely allies

Major supermarkets traditionally screw every penny they can out of the farmers that supply them. But they’re now so worried about our wonderful government killing off traditional family farms that they’re now lining up alongside the protesting farmers. Things must be really desperate in the real world.

Just stop it

That smart meter advert with Angela Ripoff and an Einstein cartoon remains an affront to the human race. Everyone involved in making it should be dropped into a deep, dark hole and left to fester.
    Preferably, along with Edstone Miliband.

We need a Trump

Desperately! The Rape Crisis Scotland charity is being mocked mercilessly over its definition of a woman – anyone who says they’re one.
    Which sums up what has gone wrong with the country. Too many idiots unchallenged in positions of authority and influence.

Robot in action again?

The hyphenation A.I. strikes again. Netflix became Netf-lix at a line break. Wot next?

Demolish the alibi

Let us be clear about this: the pensioner Winter Fuel Allowance wasn’t grabbed to bolster the foreign aid budget or some other pretend good cause. Rachel Thieves used the cash to pay off the trade unions which shove cash into the Labour party’s pockets. As simple & as dishonest as that.

Lose either way

Why don’t people in L.A. build stone houses not wooden ones? has been asked. Because it’s an earthquake zone and stone houses fall down when wooden ones just shake a bit.
    Which isn’t much help if basic fire-prevention precautions in a known danger zone aren’t taken.

Near miss

When some cold caller rang up to ask if I’m the home owner, I made by excuses and hung up. It turns out that 01165 076 144 belongs to an outfit in Leicester, which those who listened longer to the spiel wrote off as operators of an energy scam.

Evolution in action

The severe criminal offence of mansplaining has spread to the female of the species. A study has revealed the womansplaining is just as common now, and it causes just as much offence to the target of the splanation.

If only

Could Donald Trump be persuaded to visit the UK to sign some more of his Executive Orders to pardon those railroaded into gaol by Bier Smarmer after he let the story that the Southport killer is an asylum seeker spread unchecked and the riots erupt?
    Especially those who just put rubbish on the internet out of sheer ignorance.

Thumbs Down

Should we have a death penalty for someone like the Southport killer? Definitely. Especially in cases like this where there is no doubt about who did what.
    Locking the creep up for 52 years is a total waste of resources which can be much better used. Unless some criminal in his gaol does us the immense favour of knocking him off.

Possibly?

Why sign a defence pact with Poland when we are unable to defend our shores? a Daily Mail reader asked.
    Maybe in the hope that our new allies will gallop to our rescue when the Russians start their invasion?

Woke equals waste

Why are local councils talking about global majority candidates when the subject is local jobs here? This is a scam out of the same box as the one that pretends anything done here affects the global climate. Councils should be picking new employees on the basis of merit and willingness to work only. Nothing else.

Cute!

The opinion that Israel agreed to the Gaza cease fire because there’s nothing left to bomb there.

Oily oligarch or man of the people

I’m still wondering why the London mayor thought he could get away with claiming he’d never heard of the grooming gangs of Pakistani immigrants. Unless he was lying, of course. Which is always on the cards when a politician is involved, especially one of the current Labour lot.
    Perhaps the answer lies in the observation that Boris Johnson used to charge round the city on a bike when he was the mayor but Khan daren’t to anywhere without his armoured limousine for fear of being knocked off by a disgruntled resident.
    The one bloke was out there and he knew what was going on. The other lives in his ivory tower and hasn’t got a clue what happens beyond it.

An enigma

Isn’t it strange that freebies offered to politicians are never denounced as bribes?

The way forward

What we need to do is turn the Chagos islands; especially the one with the air base; over to the United States instead of bloody Mauritius. It might buy us a bit of slack in the trade deal that we need after all the slagging off that the Labour lot have done about Donald Trump. And it avoids wasting £90 billion on renting the air-base island.
    But something that logical and sensible would never occur to a deadleg like Smarmer in a million years.

A constant

The H2S fast railway between London and points north is ridiculously over budget and behind schedule. Same with the ferries commissioned by the Scottish government. The latest in the line of flops is the Sizewell C nuclear power station plan, which will cost double the original guess if it’s ever built.

Make ’em squirm!

How inventive of the people in the Ceiriog Valley area of Wales to mock Wrexham Council by describing themselves a Pothole Land and a sort of theme park where the neglect of a local council can be viewed by connoisseurs of fragmenting roads.

Reality Bit?

Faced with spending 8 weeks being chewed to pieces in court, Prince Hairy rushed to an accommodation with the owners of The Sun. Cue floods of crocodile tears from the legal trade.

Another fantasy

The notion of sticking a tax of 100% on properties in Spain bought by foreigners from outside the EU is looking like a piece of political posturing by the prime minister, given the struggle he has to get his bright ideas through the Parliament.
    Looks like Greece and Cyprus, which would benefit from the assault on holiday home buyers, aren’t going to get a bonanza.

It’s all gone very quiet

About Labour’s dopey plan to surrender the Chagos Islands to Mauritius and hand over BILLIONs of our money for no good reason. In a sensible country, something like that happening would start a revolution.

Fantasy Fiction

I suppose it makes a sort of sense if the owner of a social media site sacks the independent fact checkers and lets the customers pick what they want to be the truth.
    It’s not as if anything you see online is reliable. In fact, it’s difficult to find anything anywhere that’s reliable these days.

Send her off!

Our dishonest fantasist of a Chancellor reckons she’s there for the long haul. Which amounts to taunting the rest of us.
    Blow your whistle, Ref, and send her back to the dressing room.

A hard life

Sergeant T.J. Hooker doesn’t half do a lot of running about. Poor old bloke, not having more than one minion to do his running for him.

Some Ordeal

Crumbs! With every marching band in creation having to do a lap of Donald Trump endlessly after he was sworn in, he must have amazing bladder control! Great for filling up TV time, not really anything worth watching for the suckers at home here.

Attention Seeking

Bloody typical! Elon Musk trying to make the Donald Trump inauguration all about himself with his victory speech.
    And what was that all about – spraying Nazi-style salutes to all points of the compass? Weird lot, these Yanquis.

Legal Levelling

Spotted by a Daily Mail reader: if kids of 16 and 17 involved in a murder can’t be named in court, then they’re not entitled to cast a vote at an election.
    Beer Smarmer take note.

Really Golden

Donald Trump was getting doses of the Smarmer mute button on GB Views last night. There’s just so much you can take from someone ranting on and bloody on endlessly about stuff that isn’t anything to do with you.
    Especially if you were expecting to get the Headliners show with a preview of the headline issues on today’s papers. WFT happened to that?

Not our problem

The feeling in the Mansion among the sports fans is that as long as Donald Trump doesn’t mess about with the CFL, he can do what he likes with Canada.

Another way out

That was a cute observation about the Israeli prime minister. He’s reserving the right to call off the cease fire with the bad guys in Gaza if he looks like being dragged into court on these corruption charges he’s been dodging for so long.
    Practical politics, I guess you’d call it.

One way out

An appropriate ending for a dedicated crossword fanatic who knows the end is near – clue: poison (7), the fan manages the first four letters of the answer then expires!
    A fitting comment on a premature end!

No More!

Why, oh, why do we still get a total sentence for a gang of bad guys? It’s a silly cliche and a meaningless number without details of how many BGs and their individual sentences.
    Maybe if the editor of the rag that does it were to be fined £1,500 plus the victim surcharge for each offence, that might put a stop to it.

Unlikely tale

How could a round of spending cuts be political suicide for the Labour party? If they choose to, they can cling on to mid 2029 and they have already blown their credibility.
    They are at rock bottom and can’t sink any lower.

Vulture Bait

About all you can say about Rachel Thieves now is she gives the pundits on GB Views plenty to laugh about. Being so desperate for ideas that she’s hoping to get some from the stultifying oafs running qangos is particularly risible.

The next move?

Could it be that electric scooters will have to have a breathalyzer built in to the power circuit? Sounds sensible if 70% of the serious crashes at night involve riders who have been drinking to excess.

No, not a big deal

My history guru tells me that the Daily Mail is yelling old news with its World Exclusive about Hitler’s ‘girlfriend’. It’s well known to anyone who paid attention at school that the Mitford ladies were smitten by Adolf Hitler. And, no doubt, he was rather surprised and please to be courted by English arisos.

Beer boggs it

Our prime minister’s brilliant response to the agitation about the people who covered up for the Pakistani rape gangs getting away with it is to blow £5 million on 5 local inquiries, which won’t have the power to drag the coverers-up before them for interrogation.
    Typical lawyer’s ‘solution’ – the illusion of doing something without actually achieving anything.