Easter Treat?

The internet seems to be zipping along at the proper speed today. Which just goes to show they can deliver a proper service if they try.
    But getting them to try, that’s the issue.

Best place for him

‘Why can’t Yoko Ono forgive the bloke who killed John Lennon?’, asked the comic Craig Brown of a woman who has been preaching peace & forgiveness all her life.
    Maybe because it gives her peace of mind to know that Chapman, the killer, will rot in jail until he croaks.

Blung! Pratinga Bout!

For no apparent reason, Great! TV has hurled us back to the middle of series 5 of The Avengers. Another of life’s ongoing mysteries.
    Steed is back in his old banger with the straps on the bonnet and Mrs. Peel has a car that’s as swish as Tara’s.

There are better stories

It’s all very well for the Christian minority to rant that the BBC is ignoring their Easter festivals in favour of Ramadan, doing it’s usual trick of favouring something foreign over the national equivalent.
    But the fact remains that The Greatest Story Ever Told is just Hollywood hype. Yes, it’s a story, and maybe based on a few facts, but it’s as real as anything that comes out of the film industry. And as relevant to most of the population as Hollywood is to non-cinema-goers.
    And, like all religions, it has been used to excuse torture, murder and theft from people who don’t accept it as well as an excuse for doing good by stealth.

Down the plughole, please

I don’t live in the area ‘served’ and heavily polluted by Thames Water, but I’m all in favour of letting the company go bust instead of getting a £15 billion bail-out from the taxpayer, of which I am one of the more demanded-from sort.
    The company paid stupid amounts of cash to the gang running the show and ran up massive debts to feed cash to its shareholders rather for than infrastructure upkeep.
    In the real world, that’s a course heading straight for the buffers. Which is where Thames Water should end up.

Surprise!

My internet connection is all over the place again today and when I try to do any mail, I see “oauth.virginmedia.com” at the bottom of the screen and nothing much happening.
    I know what sort of Oath is appropriate for this and I doubt whoever owns VM now would appreciate it. And google seems to be involved in the delays somehow.
    “Update failed” when I try to load a new post here. Tap the space bar a couple of times, tab backspace a couple of times and watch the arrow go round and round a bit more and hope it gets the job done this time.

Good excuse

Not being a bogus asylum seeker and not pretending to be a Christian, I excused myself from buying overpriced or underweight Easter eggs.
    The Mansion chef came up instead with an interesting line in chocolate X-buns, which can be served hot or cold, according to the consumer’s preference. Delish either way.

Not often enough

It’s always nice to see a hypocritical politician who gamed the system getting some embarrassment when caught out.
    Being on the Labour side must be a tremendous comfort, though. Look at all the Labour politicians who went to drinks parties during lock-in and got away with it while the Tories as got stuck by fines.
    There’s always trade-union solidarity from what is supposed to be an impartial police ‘service’.

Unplanned Consequence

Something all the anti-white racialism and diversity garbage has achieved is to make the viewers look at TV adverts with a more critical eye, a survey has found.
    Thus if the number of people from ethnic minorities in an advert exceeds 10%, discriminating viewers assume that the evil forces of tokenism have been at work and take even less notice of it than usual whilst waiting for their programme to resume.

Grrr!

Oh, crap. My internet access is intermittently crap again this morning, making this anything but a Good Friday.

Always Relevant

The thing about Allah’s Thunder by Henry T. Smith, which I am revisiting, is that it was written in 1988 but it has a timeless feel because all the countries involved are still doing exactly the same things in the Middle East right now.

Dai-versity

The Welsh government, I read, has a climate change minister who has a deputy. Both doing fucq all for the subs that they collect from English taxpayers.
    And this is Smarmer’s blueprint for the UK? Sheesh!

Definitely the right people for the job

Something else the far-Left loonies of the Labour party want to do is put the Bank of England, the gang that keeps screwing up the economy, in charge of all the climate change swindles. That’s really going to do the world a favour. Mind you, they can’t possibly do worse than the present gang of global warming fraudsters @ the UN and elsewhere.

Don’t add up

You watch the weather forecast and there are these huge blue areas of rain sweeping across the country when it gets to today. But when you wake up, the Sun is shining.
    Okay, there’s a vicious wind blowing to make everywhere frigid, but we’re not getting wet as well as chilled to the bone.

Just clottish

Don’t you just hate it when Great! TV gets the title of an episode of The Avengers and the cast list right, but adds the wrong plot summary? One involving Emma Peel instead of the present incumbent, Tara King.
    And not just once. Night after night after night.

It’s only our money

No doubt the trade union bloke is all in favour of handing China, a major economy that dwarfs ours, over £8 MILLION out of the overseas aid budget. Sheesh!

Pots & Kettles, come away, come away!

A trade union leader takes a pop at Mandelson for opposing Labour’s plans to let trade unions run riot and accused old Mandelson of thinking of his personal financial interests.
    But what is a union bloke doing if he’s in favour of making his members unsackable and unions having the right to hold the country to ransom?
    Looking after his personal financial interest?
    Which leaves me wondering if the union bloke is too thick to see that his argument is spurious, or cynical enough to assume no one will notice.

More uselessness

 50% of parents don’t think it’s their job to toilet-train their kids(!) a charity has found. Resulting in a call for a ban on kids in a nappy being allowed to go to a school.
    The Age of Ignorance marches on.

What myth?

I watched the Timewatch repeat on BBC 4 of The Houdini Myth and ended up wondering what this famous myth was.
    If it was the assertion at the end that lots of people think Houdini is as imaginary as Sherlock Holmes, that’s nothing to do with a myth.
    That’s clear evidence that we’re sinking into a pathetic Age of Ignorance.

Good Question

People are asking what the Labour party has been doing for the past 14 years in Opposition if it doesn’t have any policies to offer right now with a general election looming.
    The obvious answer is the usual – grabbing cash off the taxpayer and giving nothing in return.

TTTL

That’s Too Thick To Live. You’ve got the bad guy in an airlock of an orbiting space station, you open the outer door to space the bastard, then what do you do?
    Close the bloody outer door before running off somewhere else. But did they do that in the film Scorpio One, like sensible astronauts? One guess.

Brain Buster

Crossword clue: Triangular number (3)
Answer: Tan.
    WTFH has that compiler been smoking?

Triffic!

Just to confuse everyone who uses Virgin Media’s broadband, the internet is zipping along today.
    But tomorrow? Who knows.

No, thanks

There was a recipe for pasta with spring greens and nduja in the paper. What?! As in ‘what the bloody hell is that??’
    As there is less than 4% of this foreign muck in the recipe, which doesn’t look all that thrilling anyway, I suppose it can be left out. Which is easy to do as I certainly don’t recall ever seeing nduja in the local fruit & veg shop.
    Unless it’s a fiery as chilli, of course, and an absolute essential. Not that I’ll be finding out.

Include me out

“We’ve all mucked up an online shopping order,” said the Sunday Post lady. Well, actually, no, I haven’t. Does that make me a non-person in her world?

Aimless gestures

The awful truth has leaked out. All those major cities and tourist attractions switching off their light last Saturday had absolutely no effect on the planet’s climate!
    We are still doomed.
    Or not, as the climate criminals are lying to us to shove their fists deeper into our pockets.

Sitting watching nowt happening

Getting anything added here has been a real pain again today. Water in the works? Or google being obstructive?

The Big Boys

Banging and clattering at the start of the MotoGP race in Portugal then it all settled down behind Martin. Apart from the odd crash. 25 laps is a long way to go.
    Acosta gave the comms a thrill as he headed towards the front. Champion Bagnaia crashed out Marc Marquez on lap 23. Something went wrong with Viñales’ bike and he crashed out of 3rd, letting Bastianini go second and Acosta 3rd.
    Martin was the boss emphatically.

Shut them down?

As well as trolling Royals, the online libel lounges are getting the blame for giving youngsters the equivalent of an adult’s mid-life crisis.
    But the problem might come to a natural end in 25 years’ time. A bunch of Cheerful Charlies have decided that falling birth rates will make the world economy crash around the middle of the century, which means no one will be able to afford internet access.

A bit racy

Unusually, Moto2 was competitive from the start with lots going on at the front in the early laps of 21. It was Lopez from Canet at half-way; until Lopez crashed out!
    Gonzalez got past Roberts for second with 6 laps to go; for a while. Then that’s how they stayed and Canet got his first ever Moto2 win.

Off to cloudy Portugal

It was warm but cloudy for the Moto3 race in Portugal. Two crashes on lap 1/19. A rider chucked off his bike on lap 4. All very sedate otherwise.
    The guys were saving themselves for the end. Holgado was leading a group of 6. Rue was on his tail on lap 18. Nearly on the last lap but he stayed there!

It’s what he does

Putin the Poisoner’s attempt to blame Ukraine for the terrorist attack on the Moscow concert hall on Friday evening is being seen as an excuse for hoovering more mugs into his army as cannon fodder for the Ukraine front.

It’s what they do

“How do all those vile online trolls feel now?” growled Platell Speople in the Daily Disaster.
    Probably, that they’ve done a good job of their trolling and winding up all the lady columnists going.
    And probably feeling they’re entitled to a bonus for giving the ladies ammunition for filling up their allocated space.

Bad guy licence

Another Chinese plague legacy – if you see someone wearing a mask near a court building, it’s likely to be a killer or a rapist trying to frustrate newspaper photographers.

Plenty of exercise

One minute, the Mansion cat was zooming out into a sunlit garden, the next she was back in again to get out of the rain.
    More sun, out again. Back again because of hail!
    Whatever happened to all this alleged global warming?
p.s. Hail over, out into the sun again!

Time Wasted

More crap internet access yesterday. Groan!
    But it seems to be working for no apparent reason today.

Time away

Not much time spent on GB Views last night. No Patricks Crispys, just some bloke doing & redoing the Princess Kate cancer story endlessly as the evening wore on. Wear being the operative word.
    There are only so many times you want to be told the same stuff and see the same bit of news film recycled.
    Get a grip, FFS!

Ego-mental

I suppose the worst thing about being Royal and having something wrong with you is all the parasites who try to make it all about them rather than the patient.

Real dilemma or tripe?

A Daily Disaster reader was baffled by people claiming that they can’t afford hot water at home, so they have to shower at a gym, for which the membership fee ain’t a problem?

Get over it

One does get the impression that the media moocher ladies are disappointed that Princess Kate isn’t at death’s door and they can’t agonize about her and use her as an excuse for telling us in tedious detail about all their health problems.
    How rotten of Kate, getting better.

Used to it

The internet is slow and max. frustration again just after 12 noon. Groan!

No let-up

The phone scammers are still at it as busily as ever. I had a call this morning from a bloke with an Indian accent, which was struggling against lots of background noise.
    Mr. 01753 925 208 wanted to know (mumble) about my boiler. Telling him it’s okay put him right off.

Another scare story

The foodologists are claiming that eating during only 8 hours of the day in an attempt to lose weight will kill you with a heart attack.
    Utter claptrap, say a couple of my correspondents, who have lunch with the 1 p.m. TV news and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. and nothing else apart from a cup of coffee when they get up and tea & biscuits during the afternoon. And maybe a digestive biscuit or two between 10 & 11 p.m.
    Their weights remain stable and they remain healthy enough to get about to the extent they need.

Entitlement on steroids

Is it just another myth of the media bollocks-mongers or do the millennials and other artificial factions really think that their parents have no right to enjoy the fruits of their labours and they should leave it all to their ungrateful brats after a few twilight years of denial?

Conduct unbecoming

Something I’ve noticed from switching on a bit early for the episodes of Mission Impossible is how often the scriptrotters made Captain Kirk do his raving nutter act, usually with Mr. Spock as the target.

Miracle of miracles!

I had another go at the dead-slow or stop internet after 1 p.m. yesterday. And found it zipping along at a decent speed.
    No danger in a reduction of cost if it doesn’t work in the morning, though.
    That’s not the way life works.

Constant service

Three calls from VISA card crooks yesterday morning, all with a recording voice, all from a mobile phone number.
    The bastards are getting desperate!
    Another from a landline: 02045 865 700; in the afternoon. An Indian bloke claiming to be from BT on a really crackly line.
    Some guff about someone trying to use my details for something or other. He wasn’t too pleased when I said, “Good if they didn’t succeed.” He rang off to try and find a mug.

The gang for the job

Where’s the Impossible Mission Force when you need them? They’d be just the people to see off Putin the Poisoner.

Inner glow of achievement

You can tell you’ve led a virtuous life when the Daily Disaster does a 2-page spread knocking job on some guy who’s been in TV shows and you realize that you’ve never watched any of them.
    And feel no inclination to start.

Not bowed and downtrodden

It was encouraging to see Jacob Rees-Mogg back on GB Views after an unexpected day off.
    All due to some spurious quibble by some far-Left stooge(s) about political bias on the station.
    In fact, just the cancel culture trying to take out someone who won’t bow down to the cancellers and who was able to take a pop at lies perpetrated by the BBC after they’d been BBC Verified.

Encore

It really chucked it down last night, the streets where I live have huge puddles, which are a shower threat to unwary pedestrians with so many nasty bastard motorists around.
    And guess what? The internet speed is down to a crawl again.

Tell the mugs anything?

 Tell the mugs anything?
    20th March 2024

Claiming that offshore wind farms have been a huge success is about as big and obvious a lie as you can get.
    It’s cost BILLIONs in subsidies, it costs a bomb when the wind is blowing and it costs a bigger bomb when the wind don’t blow or it blows too strongly.
    And if anyone tells you prices of offshore electricity have come down, that’s because they started at crazy levels and they’re still a rip-off after any reductions.
    And what about the pollution problem 25 years from now when all the unrecyclable turbine blades wear out?

Tortured Souls?

Very curious, the obsession the original Star Trek writers had with sinister figures in hooded monk costumes.
    I wonder what Dr. Freud would make of it!

More imagination

If a lady columnist tells you she didn’t sleep for a week after reading on a junk website that Paul McCartney died in 1960, what do you conclude?
    A) She’s making it up? B) She’s a dangerous nutter and needs to be moved to a padded cell, pronto?

UK industry @ Net Zero?

The Mansion cat’s litter tray was made in Belgium and the refill bags are made in Ireland by the manufacturers of Mars Bars, according to what’s printed on the packing!

Not been trying?

That’s in the sense of ‘making an effort’, by the way, not ‘trying the patience of the customers’.
    Anyway, my internet connection is zipping along at the speed I expect today. Which just shows that they can do it if they want.

Garbage Grinder

Is whoever writes the Daily Mail editorial pieces from the same planet as the rest of us? Not if he/she/it thinks the Princess Kate Easter pic was ‘heavily doctored’
    Total claptrap about just a few minor tweaks. Which reduces overall the credibility of these efforts still further if all they can offer is mindless hysteria in a public place.

Who was fooled?

Is there anyone who actually believes the Russian election last week that gave Putin another 6 years with both hands in the till was done honestly. That’s actually believes – as opposed to pretending to believe in the hope of getting something out of it.

Well, why not?

The best wind-up about all the fuss made about Princess Kate being out and about at the weekend is that it was probably a stunt double, making mugs of the conspiracy theorists.

Imagination Explosion

You have to give an ‘E’ for effort to the scriptrotters of The Avengers. They came up with the weirdest stuff for series 6, now currently showing on Great! TV during the week.
    Especially the piano that writes best-selling romances. Wonky continuity, though.
    And I still can’t understand why the episodes are not being shown in the proper order if G!TV has all of them.

More of it

The mob that bought Mr. Virgin’s internet service aren’t setting any speed records again today. Bugger! (Or google?)

Good guy!

Frank Hester is obviously a thoroughly decent and discriminating bloke if he didn’t use the appalling entitlement of someone like Diane Abbott as an excuse to assume that everyone of her sex and racial origin is exactly the same.
    Not something the Labour stooges of the BBC are likely to give him credit for, though, as made plain on Sunday.

Imagination Deficit

A former Scottish miner said in the Sunday Post he never heard a complaint from a farmer when he stole turnips and potatoes from their fields during the 1980s Scargill strike, which finished off his pit.
    He obviously hasn’t spotted the obvious explanation, which is that the farmers were successfully intimidated and they chose not to get a good thumping from a gang of militant miners.

Loaded with blanks?

Don’t you just love it when the bad guy has a chain gun on his car and he’s shooting at some Charlie’s Angels from close range and not a bullet is hitting the gals?

Another rival for the UFO Mob

 Has to be the Office for Budget Responsibility, a quango that gets its forecasts for what the British economy will do wrong 90% of the time but still manages not to be terminated with extreme prejudice.
    Not even for making our clueless Chancellor effectively give non-doms their marching orders with his abolition of their tax break.

Making an effort today

My internet connection seems to be whizzing along at the expected rate today.
    They’ve obviously not been trying on a dodgy days.

Anti-White Discrimination?

Wales has an African ethnic in charge of the governing Labour party now.
    Scotland has a spiritual Gazan in charge of the SNP/Green regime.
    Westminster has an ethnic Indian at the helm.
    Spit the bones out of that.
    And the IRA are in charge in Ulster.

Not again

Mark Dolan doing a whinge about the Princess Kate photo on GB Views last night? Quick, what do we have recorded?

Basic blunder

“Take the gun, you pillock!”
    How come Walker, the Texas Ranger, doesn’t know this fundamental rule? Which has to be observed after booting the bad guy to make sure he’s not shamming being unconscious and planning to shoot you in the back.

No, not cute

That’s the local council for my area throwing my money at silly diversity non-jobs. And overpaying the officers of the council. Hundreds of thousands for the town clerk? Nonsense.
    And don’t get me started on all the extra expenses the bloody councillors will be copping for.

More Groan!

Another day of dead slow or nothing happening on my Virgin Media internet connection. Wonderful.

Yes, it is cute

A Palestine flag on a lamp post in a Jewish area of London isn’t a hate crime, it’s just a litter problem, says the Met.

Too thick to get it?

Or making too much money out of it? That’s all the spivs with net zero plans that will waste trillions of pounds and want them in force tomorrow instead of well after China and India lead the way with meaningful cuts in their monster carbon dioxide emissions.
    And spare us all the bollocks about carbon capture tech. The people producing zillions of tons of it should be doing the capturing, not us.

More than a quibble too far

Gordon Bennett! You have to be really desperate for something to put in your newspaper column if you won’t let Princess Kate have the human right to tweak a family photo. No, she has to ring for a minion to get the job done. Sheest! again. And some further gratuitous nose-poking for Prince William thrown in.
    Maybe what’s wrong with Kate is that she’s feeling dragged down by all the intrusive nosys, who carp at what others come up with then pile on a load of their own ‘coulds’.

A ton, Joe Style

Creaky Joe Biden came out with “I have no goddam idea” over 100 times when quizzed about abuse of official documents.
    And this is the bloke the Democraps are putting forward for four more years as the POTUS? Sheesh!

Frustration!

The internet is doing its ‘end of the week, not breaking any speed records’ again (google sabotage?) and the Mansion cat is playing silly buggers.
    She’s gone out, she’s getting wet, and she’s not coming in again when given the opportunity to do so.
    Some days, you just can’t win.

Loot to make the eyes water

 The Mission Impossible crew were after Hitler’s stashed $300 million last night. How much would they collect if they snaffled Putin the Poisoner’s stash?
    Allowing for inflation over 80 or so years, it has to be in the region of £300 trillion, and something a hell of a lot less portable than the block of gold the Impossibles tracked down.

Lost talent

Good grief! There was a spread of pictures in the paper of female ‘stars’ of all descriptions in their dressed up gear. Most of which was ‘saw ya coming’ junk.
    Good dress sense is clearly not an attribute of the celeb now.

A rival for the UFO mob?

It must have taken a lot of computer sifting and invention for a French academic to conclude that English is just a variation of the French language.
    Or maybe we’re supposed to admire the skill involved in holding down a job that exposes the employing institution to ridicule as well as the academic.

Numbers without proof

 How meaningful, if at all, are all these guesses made about how much sleep people get? When I wake up in the middle of the night, I can look at my watch and know what time it is. But I have no idea when I dropped off to sleep.
    If the sleepers on whom the claims are based are not wearing a gadget monitoring their sleep time, and this info is not included in the report, anything the sleepologists claim is worthless.

Wot is going on?

56 bytes/second for a download? Then the connection lost? Twice. That is appallingly crap internet access.
    Network protocol problem for the Blogger website I’ve just been to? With ‘Page not found’ to follow?
    And all this with 5 bars showing for the connection to my laptop.

The person only

The disapproval and derision landing on the Abbott woman are products of her many character defects. Which include losing the Labour whip for racialism against Jews, let us not forget.
    The Labour party playing the race card on her behalf is therefore rank hypocrisy, particularly when it’s being done by an institutionally anti-Jewish party.
    One led by a bloke who has no problem with going out of his way to take cash from terrorists.

No excuse to panic

Having a century of sightings to examine, the gang at the Pentagon have decided there’s no evidence we’ve been visited by aliens from off-planet. But that’s exactly what they would say if they were under the thumb of evil aliens.
    So where does this get us, apart from nowhere? Maybe we’re supposed to feel a warm glow, knowing that the UFO scanners are in a job that gives them long-term, if useless, employment.

Unwelcome development

The Whiskas with chicken that the Mansion Cat hoovers up enthusiastically seems to have suffered double shrinkflation.
    Not only has the amount in the box gone down but the golden chicken bits seem to be very few and far between all of a sudden.

Cudda done better

Author Peter Hitchens was complaining that he wrote his book The Abolition of Britain in 1998 using a primitive word processor.
    Making life difficult for himself, my techspert reckons. Back in 1998, you could have bought a second-hand PC that would have run a version of WordPerfect™ capable of typesetting and laying out a book to the same standard as the current version. One that could be used to design and print your very own hardback copy of your book. My techspert knows people who have done it – and still do it.
    It wouldn’t have been able to zonk out a PDF version of the finished book, but with publishers still taking in submissions printed double-spaced on A4 paper, it wasn’t needed.

Not again

Groan! Getting to some bits of the internet is a bugger again. More water leaking into the cable tunnels?

No depth too low to plumb

Saying the useless lump of a Labour MP Diane Abbott is an appalling person is a comment about one person, not an entire race.
    Thus yelling racialism about it just serves to underline why the far-Left have their ‘ludicrous’ tag.
    What is appallingly racialist is trying to give someone a free ride just because she has African ancestors not European ones and irrespective of how incompetent she is.

Calm down, dears!

Is someone doing a few editing tweaks to the latest picture of Princess Kate and her kids a catastrophe of the magnitude of Putin the Poisoner starting World War III?
    Or is it just a product of hysterical scribblers in a sort of Silly Season state with nothing sensible to write about?

Great wiseguy question

When the migrants get to Rwanda and find out how great it is, will they be demanding legal aid to sue our government for not getting them there sooner?

Actually going around!

Jos ‘The Boss’ Verstappen of Red Bull seems to be very bent out of shape that the investigation of that bloke Horner failed to make him into a major criminal. And it’s rather surprising that his accuser is now being held to account.
    That’s what should happen in a decent society, but in Formula One? Which disregards its own rules in imitation of the WWE now? Or makes up new ones to get the ‘right’ result? Not something you expect any more.

Happy times ahead, not

Some papers being recycled had articles making a big deal out of the last two men to be hanged for being homosexual. To make us glad we’re not living in the olden days? When petty thieves were hanged rather than being allowed to swan out of their local supermarket with stuff they haven’t paid for because the police can’t be bothered to do their job?
    Could it be we’re on the road to an even more extreme pendulum swing and they’ll start hanging everyone who isn’t on the list of sexual deviant minorities?

Free Agent

Is Lee Anderson ‘defecting’ to the Reform UK party and giving them an MP really a Big Deal? Not really.
    If the twerps at the top of the Tory party have given him the bullet to try to hoover Moslem votes away from Labour, why not?

Wot’s That?

One from the front page of the Sunday Disaster – a complaint about the Scottish government using taxpayers’ cash to fund porn involving vanilla sex.
    What a let down to find that tubs of ice cream are not involved and it’s just the normal, unperverted version of the deed.

Not much help

A Daily Disaster reader doesn’t want us to make fun of people who speak fractured English on the grounds that they know another language. Which is a fat lot of use if they’re here to work in a care home full of English-only speaking oldies.

Normal is nice

It really is good to have the internet working at its proper speed again after all the trials last week. Shame we can’t have more interesting stuff on it.
    But maybe we should be reassured if the most vital issue of the moment is that photo of Princess Kate + kids.

Cooking Fat!

Tg6t
    What’s that on the line above? The Mansion cat taking a short cut across my keyboard.
    I’m just lucky she didn’t manage to step on the ‘off’ button with her usual unerring accuracy.

Sorted!

Why have we got global warming? Forget all the BS from the climate criminals. It’s a direct result of burning all those tankerloads of petrol loaded up with cocaine in the Bond film Live & Let Die.

Bit of a laff

Has to be a 19-year-old claiming her generation has higher standards than Bridget Jones when they’re obsessed with wokism, trans BS and other issues of Net Zero value.

What’s that about?

Air-Fryer sales are at record levels, we are told. But what I’d really like to know is the source of this weird notion that people can live on air, fried or otherwise.

Just not trying (in the making an effort sense)

The internet was setting new records for uselessness yesterday. Record lengths of waits for something to happen and failures to connect.
    I noticed the name google in a lot of the ‘bottom of the screen’ names of the hold-ups that weren’t making connections. Have they got too many fingers in too many pies to do a decent job?
    Different story this morning (so far!). I managed a download in 5 minutes today of something that showed times of 3-6 hours yesterday before I gave up on it.

No Surprise there

Apparently, the Welsh whinge achieved a record for the BBC; a lowest ever audience figure for the final part of a prime-time serial on BBC1.
    Must try harder to do worse next time?

Totally shameless

I was amused to read that the Advertising Standards mob were forced to unban an advert showing a lady wearing half a shirt and nothing else; or maybe also hob-nail boots as her feet were outa sight.
    The ban was dropped after the model said the picture wasn’t gratuitously sexual, which sounds a rather limp excuse for a ban when the fashion trade is involved.
    But the best bit of the article was what was on offer as the model’s first name. How on earth do you pronounce ‘FKA’ without getting hauled up for obscenity?

Alone but not necessarily lonesome

All these charities making money and creating employment around the elderly keep giving us statistics about how many oldies live a solitary life.
    But there’s never anything about how many are happy to embrace their inner hermit and can find plenty of things to occupy their time, thank you very much. Maybe it’s something to do with the amount of dosh that can be hoovered up in the name of relieving loneliness, real and assumed.

Not at all impressive

That’s the speed some (but not all) things are happening on my internet connection at the moment. Calling what’s happening a crawl would be a gross exaggeration.
    Things got better after noon yesterday. Not today. Using Blogger is a real pain at the moment.

Four Cheers

It was encouraging to see a Welsh whinge of a play on BBC1 get zero stars when reviewed in the Daily Disaster.
    The one star for even the worst rubbish imaginable rule is a crime against humanity.
    The load of drivel in question was up against a repeat from series 6 of The Avengers, so it had no chance here.

Unscheduled amusement

When I decided to anoint the pieces of cake that went with my afternoon cuppa with Southern Comfort, I had an interesting sonic experience.
    I has to open a new bottle and when I was pouring some into a teaspoon to do the anointing, and when I raised the bottle to the vertical again, it made lots of fascinating gurgling noises. So fascinating that the cake was probably anointed a little more freely than usual!

Who’s in charge of the charge?

One disadvantage of using an old laptop to spare yourself the bother of loading all your usual programs on to a new computer is that it can sometimes do bafflingly stoopid things.
    Yesterday, when plugged in to the mains, it charged up to 26% and refused to do any more charging after that. I did a bit of messing about with the power settings, but nothing.
    So then I did what’s the option of last resort: I closed all the open programs and told it to switch off.
    And lo, when I started it up again, the bugger was deigning to charge the battery to a full top-up when I wasn’t putting much demand on it.
    All of which confirms that it’s not a case of you can’t win, it’s more that you’re not supposed to.

Not that impressive

The usual suspects are claiming that we’ve had the warmest February ‘in modern times’. Which is, like, less than a blink in the eye in terms of the history of the planet, which means that no one is impressed.
    Especially not with a contribution from the latest El Niño added on; which the climate criminals would rather not say anything about.

The Actual Inspiration?

There was an episode of the original Mission Impossible last night in which Rollin Hand suggested a plot to send plague-carriers to the US.
    Is this what the Chinese tried with their Wuhan plague after watching a box set of the series?

Retro Response?

Is the decision by Marks & Spencer to put all sorts of weird chocolate animals on offer instead of Easter eggs a reaction to the decline of Christianity cause by the woke attitudes at the top? Is it a move back to an era of worshipping strange animal gods in the hope that there’s more profit in it?

Disconnected thinking

Why is Aston Martin postponing the launch of a new car because it doesn’t go ‘vroom’ like a proper sports car? It’s an electric vehicle. What did they expect?

Good Counter

No one should be allowed to get away with claims that large numbers of the world’s population are starving if 12½% of the people on the planet are obese.
    There’s obviously more than enough grub to go round.

Sound advice . . .

. . . from an ex-Chancellor to the current inmate.

 

Daft Idea

What on Earth is the point of putting a red voice graph on the TV screen when someone reads out a written message or a quotation by someone in the news?
    Silly. Bin it.

The world holds its breath

Are the Democrats in the USA really going to put ancient and senile Joe Biden on the ballot paper for the next presidential election?
    What deadlegs the rest of the gang must be if he’s the best on offer.

Lacking Inspiration

What the police and politicians need to do is come up with an alternative; or better still, several alternatives; to the tired old cliché “our thoughts and prayers are with . . .”
    It may be true but it now lacks any ring of sincerity and it always comes across as the deliverer just going through the motions.

Just plain silly

You’d think it would be a fundamental requirement that the Archbishop of Canterbury has at least two working brain cells. Which makes it all the more strange that the present one thinks his flock will raise a billion pounds for him to do meaningless virtue flagging about slavery.
    Which we ended, but you’ll never hear Mr. Wetby admit that.
    Shame there isn’t an annual mental fitness test, which would left the CoE bin someone who’s gone doolally.

Impure motive?

Why did the Daily Disaster’s female scribblers do their best to break up the marriage of the Red Bull F1 guy Christian Horner on the day of the Bahrain GP? Are they in the pay of Ferrari?
    Alternatively, it could just be latching on to something to make it all about the scribblers to get pay-back on blokes who ditched them in the past.

Today’s Quote

“We face a rocky road ahead and we’ll need wise heads.”
    Shame we don’t have any in the political parties on offer.
    Maybe they should be called political wakes instead of parties.

Alternative Z

‘What’s that?’ I asked the correspondent who mentioned it.
    ‘It’s one the water companies hope people don’t know about,’ I was told. ‘To leave all you cold taps running day and night if you don’t have a meter to make sure you’re getting all the water you’re being charged for.’

There are alternatives

Is the only way to stop the silly rumours about the Royals for them to post their entire medical histories on an internet libel lounge, as an eminent historian is suggesting?
    A better way would be to refuse to have anything do with the speculators and their sources to deflect them toward something useful for a change.
    And for people like the eminent historian to realize that when the internet ‘explodes’, it’s nothing to do with real life.

As good a reason as any?

Watching repeats of The Fast Show reminded me about the lady who goes, “Hah!” derisively whenever someone is seeking credit for something they think is really good.
    This offers an explanation for why that play in London about slavery does it to black-only audiences – created by letting whities know they won’t be welcome even if this can’t be stated explicitly.
    The virtue-flaggers don’t want all the white wise guys in an audience going, “Hah!” when the persecution complex on the stage gets too intense.

Plain Fact

Women cannot be trans-women because they are female, we were told by someone in a position to know. There’s one in the eye for bogus equality.
    Not that the BBC will see anything wrong with the idea. At the BBC, everything blokes do is wrong and the bosses would be happier with an all-female crew.

Someone benefits!

Is it okay for a football team’s manager to be dismissive to a female reporter who’s pestering him about something trivial?
    I suppose so it if gives another female journalist something to put in her newspaper column instead of something vital and important to the entire human race. Such as an explanation of what makes journos think they have a divine right to confront people and expect to be told all.

No Way

Do we want Begum the Bride of Daesh back? No, thanks. She’s already cost the British taxpayer a quarter of a million quid in legal aid; no danger of the lawyers working for free; and she’s made Net Zero contribution to the state.
    We have more than enough entitled parasites already.

Peace at a cost

The only way to reduce the killing in the Middle East would be to send the UN’s Blue Helmets in to disarm the terrorists in Palestine and the Israeli Death Force. And then the ship-sinkers in Yemen, the bad guys in Iran and Iraq and Syria, and anyone else who’s still feeling lethally frisky.

Loss of Vigilance

One of my neighbours reported that he looked at his watch yesterday and saw a figure ‘1’ in the date box. He hadn’t noticed in time checks on Friday and Saturday that it had been showing ‘30’ then ‘31’.
    He blames losing the habit of winding on, or checking if he needs to do it, on two successive months with 31 days each.
    It also shows that he’s not one of those people with a compulsion to look at a portable phone every two seconds.

Bad all over

It’s really comforting (not) to read in the Sunday Post that the bosses of Police Scotland are as useless, mistakenly obsessive and cover-up eager as the ones south of the border.
    That’s the ones in England who tried to frame entertainers and Tory politicians on the basis of fantasies, and totally screwed up investigations into serious crimes. Shame none of these characters is ever rooted out and booted out with dishonour. But with Parliament packed with lawyers like Beer Starmer, rather than real people, that’s not gonna happen.

Line of Succession

Is it possible for our Chancellor of the moment to look more pleased with himself? Could be he’s trying to slot himself into the historical record next to King James VI/I, the wisest fool in Christendom, who gets a really good kicking in the book I’m reading about the history of the Tower of London.
    Hunt the Stunt will have be known as the Smuggest Bugger in Christendom.

Not very charitable

The lifeboat operation at a town in North Wales has been ended because the RNLI sees nothing wrong with senior crew members speaking Welsh to a crew made up of volunteers who speak only English.
    Anyone who ends up in the sea in that area will be left to drown until a new set of volunteers can be trained? That seems to be what’s on offer from this uncharitable charity, the bosses of which think that not listening to their volunteers is the right way to run an essential service.

Well spotted

The Labour party deputy leader successor to John ‘Two Jags’ Prescott is Angelica ‘Two Houses’ Raygun.

Unfit for purpose

That’s the only conclusion to be reached about the head of the school in Kent, who’s claiming that banning false eyelashes makes 13-year-old girls pretend to be mental health cases to the extent that they can’t function at school.

Decisions, Decisions

If Hapless Hairy feels unsafe when surrounded by British peasants, his solution is obvious. Stay well away from them. Don’t come here.
    But, of course, that would deprive him of a ‘look at me’, attention-seeking whinge.
    Paying his own way now he’s not Royal is out, obviously.

Justice or lack of distractions?

The case of the cleaner who was sacked for helping herself to a sandwich, which might or might not have been surplus or might have been vital nutrition for some unlucky person, has been rattling along merrily.
    I do get a sense that we’re in a sort of Silly Season at the moment with nothing much going on. Apart from a couple of wars, which have been going on long enough to be the norm, and politicians doing daft things, which is also the norm.

Having it all ways

As the US Justice Department starts claiming that having a history of drug taking doesn’t prevent someone from getting a visa to go there, Prince Harry starts telling us that he made up all the stuff about drugs to make his book interesting.
    Black is white. Or red, green, yellow, mauve or any other colour you fancy.
    Truth, like justice, is an entirely elastic concept.

Talk; but is action to follow?

It’s all very well for the Prime Minister to tell us what we already know; that the streets are full of thugs in places; but will anything be done about it?
    The common attitude of senior coppers suggests that they are too busy with their diversity and equality agendas, and making sure they have enough brown faces around, to be bothered with pesky criminals.

Wriggling won’t help

Maybe Beer Starmer should stop pretending that George Galloway didn’t pinch Labour’s Moslem vote in Rochdale and admit he (Starmer) made a total mess of things there.
    But honesty from a politician? Pretty well unheard of.

Super Explanation!

Misfiring Trident missiles shot from our nuclear submarines are identifying as torpedoes! Nice one.
    Now all we need is one for why anyone thinks that by-election in Rochdale is anything more than a random curiosity of Net Zero relevance to anything.

Second Class it ain’t

It used to be 1-3 days for delivery and you could get the mail the next day. Now it’s 5-7 working days. For a lot more dosh.
    More like Tenth Class.
    But I’ve just had something delivered via Royal Mail 48, which arrived 2 days after I placed the order, so that’s something that works. Well, where I live, anyway.

Bright Side

With all the pointless distractions about the Gaza situation and the Pals of Terrorism in the streets, we’re not getting the usual seasonal threats of a hosepipe ban, some alert person has noticed.

It’s all relative

“Do rats serve any useful purpose?” a Daily Disaster correspondent asked.
    But useful in what sense? They’re just another species which has evolved and found how to flourish in the present planetary conditions.
    They are certainly more useful than humans in that they are not destroying The Planet by causing unchecked and out-of-control global warming. Always assuming the humans telling this tale can be trusted, which is not a given.

Acute Observation

Most of the MPs who joined in Walkout Wednesday spent most of their time messing about with their phone in the Commons chamber and they had to be told to walk out instead of flocking to their party’s chosen voting lobby.
    A fine example of Democrazy In Action!