Cheaper & Worser

The current fad for a pull-out squirter on bottles of hand wash is failing to take hold at the Mansion. The new tops are regularly discarded and replaced with one of the old pump type, which can be operated with one hand. The new, improved, up to date design needs both hands.

No surprise

Pampered civil servants take twice as much time off as people in the wealth creating private sector, the Office for National Statistics reckons. Even the ones skiving at home. Useless bosses trying not to upset trade unions are blamed.

Undue optimism

The internet was never conceived as an instrument of destruction, the blessed Sarah Vine wrote in the Mail.
    She’s clearly not too in touch with the real world if she doesn’t know that bad guys will find a way to misuse and pervert everybloodything!

Marked lack of confidence

The antique figurehead of the Liberals told his party conference that he will to rescue the NHS. But the fact that he did his keynote speech to a half empty hall tells us that even his members don’t believe him, and they knew the speech would clunk.

Does the lack of real science matter?

Well, probably not if our deputy PM is right and AI systems are going to tip the human race into extinction.
    The way things are today, Hurry On Sundown would probably be a good thing for the Universe!

Is anyone doing real science any more?

Ready meals are dearer than buying the ingredients and doing it yourself, but only if you exclude the cooking costs.
    Long covid is the greatest threat to civilization going, but only if you include over 200 symptoms as being entirely attributable to it.
    How weather is catching up with cold weather as a killer, but only if you pretend that 25 deg.C is lethally hot, which it ain’t by a long chalk, and fiddle the statistics.
    No wonder the global warming fraudsters are getting away with it so effortlessly with this sort of attitude to cherry picking around.

Really OTT

Do the nutters who are raging at GB Views on the BBC realize what idiots they’re making of themselves? Of course, they don’t. That’s why they’re called the Looney Left.

There’s a surprise

The prison officers’ trade union has actually admitted that the corrupting influence of prisons can apply to the screws as well as the cons. Hence the flourishing trade in drugs and tiny phones in gaols.

No Sale

Forget flu and the Chinese plague, there’s something much worse on the way. At least, that’s what the bunch who are trying to flog a book want us to believe.
    But if they can’t tell us what this new plague will be, or when it will arrive, that’s not much of an incentive to buy their rotten book!

No trees felled

This storm which was supposed to blast us into the North Sea turned out to be rather a non-event. It was a bit noisy at times but nothing desperate. Boo to Agnes.

Pass the salt; buckets rather than grains

On the BBC lunchtime news, an ‘expert’ trotted out the myth that we’re taking the last drops of oil & gas out of our share of the North Sea.
    NOT TRUE.
    An ENORMOUS amount of both will be left in the ground when their use becomes illegal, given that the Planet has sufficient known reserves for a couple of centuries. But admitting that doesn’t sit the global warming fraudsters.

Monster!

Whoever it was who invented the part of Windows that selects the whole right-hand side of a line rather than the bit on the left which you have carefully blocked with your mouse should be tortured to death on a daily basis and brought back to life to suffer some more.

Tell Tale

An astute observation by a pal: if you see a TV ad with the text ‘payment options available’, you can be sure that the price of what’s on offer; unstated on the screen, of course; is in the arm and two legs bracket.

We should be told

You switch on for the TV news and there’s some clown telling you to watch something else on iPlayer. Has the Beeb actually done any research to find out if a significant number of people do this? Or is it just pointless custom & practice?

This, too

We’re being told the rock samples NASA collected from the asteroid belt will tell us how life began on Earth 4.5 billion years ago. Which is fake news from the BBC, etc.
    My experts tell me the Earth was still just condensed debris from the formation of the Sun back then and completely sterile. Life didn’t appear for at least another billion years.

Way off beam

The survey on what is and isn’t a current household staple is all over the place. We still have corned beef in storage cupboards. And tinned peaches haven’t been cancelled. They’re parked next to the tinned mandarin oranges, which go into jellies.
    And there’s the cat’s tuna.
    Quinoa? Miso? Matcha tea? Not essentials here. But we do put balsamic vinegar on chips and have been doing so for years, so it’s not something new.

Pass

Despite the relentless propaganda in the YouTube highlights, I’m not joining the Open University [“Ah study the stars at work for me”, did he say?] or going to Kwaytar for a Grand Prix with WWE rules.
    What’s with the albino Bengals’ helmets? Is nothing sacred?

No joke

I happened to see the end of an American TV ‘comedy’ the other night when I switched on a couple of minutes early for something else. The experience reminded me why I never watch them. All that contrived, stuck-on laughter. Yecccch!

Glutton for punishment

Apparently, a bloke who helped to create the blundering TV character Alan Partridge is offering to help Beer Starmer with a make-over to make him less boring. Talk about uphill tasks!

Longevity

What do you do if you find at the back of a cupboard, a packet of jelly with a best-before date in 2020? Make a jelly with it and try not to be surprised that it still works perfectly.
    Also, I’d recommend not realizing that a replacement will now cost 144% more than the original.

Same only different

The Sunday Post did a plug for a book claiming Prince Hairy has a lot in common with King Charles I. That’s apart from not having an elder brother who died at 18 and doomed him to become the king who would have his head chopped off by ungrateful customers.

Me not too

We seem to be hearing rather a lot from former BBC and Channel 4 executives about The Strange Affair of Russell Brand, which developed during their period in office.
    But you’re not supposed to notice that. Or that they let it happen at the time.

Life is one big joke?

I read with a groan that some stroppy woman got the hump when a Radio 4 bloke assumed that the chief constable of her area is a he, not a she.
    But with 43 of the buggers in England and Wales, who’s going to keep track of them?
    How apt that this happened on the next page from a Craig Brown column with the title “Got a grudge? Then you’re in the right place.”

Big gang!

111,000 fans for 21 laps of MotoGP for the first time ever in India. Ducati 1,2,3 early on; ahead of Marc Marquez. Bezzecchi pulled a lead on the duel behind him. Marquez fell off on lap 6 but rejoined.
    Martin & Bagnaia had a real tussle. Bagnaia was ahead with 9 laps to go and Marquez back in the points; just. Bagnaia fell off! Quateraro got past Martin briefly but ended up 3rd. Marc Marquez finished 9th.

Part-way only

“We are not going to save the planet by bankrupting the British people”, quoth Home Secretary Suella Braverman during the week.
    She could also have added that as we are not causing the climate to change, anything we do here won’t make the slightest difference to the global climate and will just be out money tossed into a Brown Hole.
    But she obviously wasn’t feeling that brave.

Mayhem Time

18 laps of Moto2? A massive crash at turn one and a stupidly late red flag. 12 laps at the restart; all over the place at the front but no one fell off. Then Canet, Lowes & Ogura did.
    Acosta had a lead into lap 2 and was never challenged. Lopez took out Dixon on lap 3. Dixon rejoined but crashed again and gave up.
    Who will be third? Alcoba fell off trying to do a long lap penalty! Arbolino was a distant 2nd. Roberts & Garcia swapped the final podium position. Garcia ran wide and handed the place to Roberts.

Heir to Archie Andrews?

The best comment I’ve seen about Beer Starmer is that he buys his jackets a size too big so that Tony B. Liar can get his hand up the back to operate him.

Early start

Masia was on pole for 16 laps of Moto3 in India at 8 a.m. rather than 10 a.m. Holgado, series leader, was 18th on the grid. Masia & Sasaki went off the front. Crashes on laps 2, 4 & 6 – see a pattern?
    ‘Attritional’ was the commentators’ description of the race. Sasaki dropped back to the chase pair. Tober took 2nd and Sasaki’s team mate crashed near the end, handing 4th to Holgado.

New to me

Why is it called a hash tag? Because Twitter/X is mind-marijuana and wasting too much time on it makes people paranoid and drives them crazy.

Havoc by accident

I see that R. Brand did a series of online broadcasts called The Trews. Those of Scottish extraction will know that trews are trousers. Which makes Brand’s offerings a load of pants.
    Which seems about right.

I’d definitely watch this!

 

Grow a set

What they need to do is stop putting those apologies to offence junkies in front of TV programmes and tell the audience that the weeds need to grow up and accept that times change; and not always for the better; and to stop judging the past by their weak & feeble standards.

“Did Magna Carta die in vain?”

That’s what Tony Hancock famously asked a jury in his TV series. The answer has to be yes if some Commons committee chair thinks she can order an online media-publishing company in the United States to cancel Russell Brand’s income.
    The Yanks, not impressed, told her to get lost. Good for them.

It’s a match

From what’s on offer about him, it looks like that Brand bloke and his herd of bimbos deserved one another.

Probably not

Where did the producers of Hudson & Rex get the idea for a detective with a dawg? Could it be from a 1996 episode of Walker, Texas Ranger, in which our hero was hanging out with a vanished homeless guy witness’s dog?

Something they don’t tell you

If UseLEZ is supposed to keep the air clean, a bloke living in S.E. London was wondering, how come his car is covered with Saharan dust?
    Which reminds us that there isn’t a dome over London and the cosmetic mayor doesn’t have any control over whatever the wind blows in Britain’s direction. Worse, he can’t tax it!

Misconduct the accepted standard?

What bloody use is the Financial Conduct Authority if it concludes that there is no evidence that banks are cancelling the accounts of customers on political grounds, but does so by IGNORING the cancellation of Nigel Farage’s account by Coutts/NatWest and all the other cases?

Consistent

The more beer bottle Starmer tries to pretend to be the head of a government in waiting, the more he exposes himself as someone who is totally useless and a total tosser.
    His migrant ‘deal’ with the EU is typical. The EU asylum system is broken and can’t be fixed with so many conflicting interests competing. Which means there is no basis for a deal with him. And the EU doesn’t do ‘fair’.
    Which makes his claims just fantasies.

Call the Book of the Month Club!

I caught a mention on GB Views the other night of a book which claims that black people built Stonehenge. I wonder if I could get one published claiming that there are only white people in the UK. And that the ones who look like dark-skinned humans are really robots created by the diversity industry for some sinister reason.

The Just Stop word

Some film star and his wife of x years are separating. You glance at the article to see if they’re anyone you’ve heard of and you see the world ‘journey’.
    That’s when the Wibble Alarm goes off.
    So you immediately shift your gaze elsewhere.

Surprise!

The PM seems to have done a good job of booting up the bum, the spivs and outright fraudsters making money out of the climate change swindle with his push-back to 2035.
    What a suprise. A politician actually trying to win votes by doing something worthwhile for the customers.

Condemned

You think someone is a useless idiot, and then he delights you by proving it. If Beer Smarmer thinks votes for 16-year-old kids is a brilliant idea, he’s a total f’ing nutter.

Mismatched Messages

The headline Traumatic Day I aborted my baby had a picture of Joan Collins next to it wearing a big smile and looking totally untroubled and even pleased with herself.
    That wasn’t very sensible and empathic.
    It’s rather strange that the newspaper’s A.I. front page checker didn’t spot that.

No getting away from it

A bunch of slags shagged someone famous years ago. Now, they’re going all “News of the Screws” about it. Why? Are they after a pay-off? Some wages? Revenge at an anonymous distance?
    One thing they’re no going to get is a slate wiped clean. They’re still self-confessed slags.

He’s Unstoppable!

Walker the Texas Ranger vs a momma brown bear? No contest. Off slunk the bear with her tail between her legs after clawing him a bit. Which didn’t stop him climbing mountains and doing battle with the wild man of the woods.

Low fashion

Is there anything slaggier than a woman in a posh frock that shows one bare leg almost up to her waist? Only someone in a semi-transparent dress and no underwear.

Bite the bullet

The Just Stoppers are claiming that they will bring London to a standstill with a gang of student stooges. This has to be grounds for declaring them a terrorist organization and making those inciting the trouble liable for monster fines.

Double Bluff?

A Russian fighter which took a shot at an RAF reconnaissance plane over the Black Sea made a total bog of it. The first missile fire missed and the second just dropped off the rack without igniting. Is this proof that Russia is crap? Or are the sneaky Putinis trying to lead us into a false sense of security?

Blast from the past

Taken from the Black Flag News website, this is what the man himself predicted 6 years ago . . .

 

Ancient Artefact

You see a bloke waving a long, rectangular object of white plastic with a bit sticking out of the end in a 1960s film and you know he’s a boffin.
    I’m now wondering what the cut-off age is for knowing what a slide rule looks like when you see one.

Popular Poll

Hands up anyone who’s interested in hearing any more wibble about Russell Brand. What, no one?

Don’t let reality intrude

There was an advert in yesterday’s Sunday Post urging people to hve a rail adventure this summer.
    ScotRail has left it a bit bloody late! We’re already in the Met Office’s meteorological autumn and we’ll be into the real thing in a couple of days.

No Problem

“Why was the Left so besotted with the self-confessed narcissist Russell Brand?” the Daily Mail asks today. Because that’s the sort of person they identify with, is the short answer.
    They’re not called the ludicrous Left for nothing!

Valueless values

You have to wonder about the priorities of the BBC’s news editors. An Italian island invaded by 8,000 migrants from North Africa taking second place to some she said/he said blah about a comedian?
    Third place for the wreck of Derna in Libya. Then sport.

Well, maybe

There’s a theory doing the rounds that the Chinese let their junior ‘spy’ at Westminster be busted as a means of distracting attention from better qualified ones. How diabolical.

Fun Figure

The House of Commons used to erupt in a chorus of groans whenever the former leader of the SNP group, Ian Black, rose to whinge about something.
    Now that he’s gone, the leader of the Liberals, Ed Davey, is getting the benefit of the boo-birds.
    And it’s not undeserved, of course.

Fun film

Poseidon Rex (2014) is one of the dafter sciffy films on offer. The daftness quotient is bulked out considerably by idiotic humans blazing away at a huge dinosaur with hand guns and automatic rifles, which never run out of bullets, to absolutely no effect.

Carrying the flag

I was amused to hear Sir Beer Starmer’s deputy, the boozy Ms Rayner, likened to John Prescott, Tony Blair’s working class clown.
    There always has to be one like that, apparently, to dilute poshness in the upper ranks of the Labour party.

Clarity required

If MPs know that the Chinese communists are seeking domination of the West rather than to live in harmony with it, why are some claiming to be ‘shocked and appalled’ by the arrest of the bloke accused of spying for China?
    Or is this their way of expressing surprise because they thought the Security Service is just another collection of woke and useless chocolate teapots?

V. Lethal

What’s the deadliest assassination weapon? I’d vote for the sharp edges on a freshly removed lid from something like a tin of the Mansion cat’s tuna. It could cut a throat – whoosh! straight across – no messing. Plus a chain-mail glove so the assassin doesn’t end up fingerless!

All Change

Is Sir Smarmer’s deputy, the Appalling Ange, thinking of taking up a part-time career as a TV wrestler now that she has created a hand sign for herself; the one she showed off at the TUC conference.
    Lots of the gang @ AEW seem to consider a hand sign to be an essential prop.

Where are the boffins?

The really bad thing about pix and video from a phone is those pointless fuzzy blobs to port & starboard.
    What purpose do they serve apart from none?
    How come it’s beyond the ability of TV services to pare off the dross and show just the relevant and informative part of the images?

No Sale

We’re still being told “the temperature is rising” in the ads before and afer the weather forecast on GB Views.
    Not much credibility goes to the advertiser if the Met Office bod tells us that, in fact, the temperature is going down as we head for next week.
    Maybe they need to go for some dynamic advertising that keeps up with what the real world is doing.

It’s universal!

Fans of the CFL are used to seeing players wearing zero, or double zero, instead of a more usual number. It seems to have spread to the NFL.
    The fans who watched the Vikings’ trip to Philadelphia last night report that the Eagles have players wearing both 0 and 00 in their team. How long has this been going on? Only just been spotted here but it’s not something you tend to look for.

Poor little stinker defence

The Iranian spy (alleged) gaolbreaker’s mother seems eager to label her offspring as a young fantasist rather than a mad bomber in the making.
    It will be interesting to see if he gets a judge who’ll buy that story.

Death Wish?

Are the Tories trying to ensure they’ll be spared the responsibility for running the country after the next election? This is an obvious conclusion from passing an Energy Bill, which shoves people who don’t buy the value of all the Net Zero crap in gaol.

Rather Eternal

At the end of Disappearing Trick, episode 27 of series 3 of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, he says that as the episode is on film, he’s inviting those viewing in the year 2000 to write in and let him know what things are like then.
    It’s somewhat mind-blowing to realize that something made in 1958 is still being enjoyed in 2023. Even if the wibblers have to apologize unnecessarily for out-of-date attitudes.

Where they got it wrong

Apocalypse of Ice (2020) had the world frozen everywhere north and south of Equador. But there were characters swanning about on a stretch of frozen sea without their exhaled breath forming frozen fog.
    A really basic blunder, chaps! And climbing up frozen mountains without gloves!!

Grow a set

Is there stuff in Alfred Hitchcock Presents episodes that’s likely to cause offence? Not to grown-ups and people who aren’t desperate to be offended so they can do a whinge and be noticed.
    Anyone who claims to be offended should be dropped down a deep, dark hole and left either to fester or to get a grip.

Chalk & cheese

Typical newspaper hype. Going mad and rehashing the story of the train robber Biggs and his escape from prison after the suspected Iranian spy got out of Wandsworth.
    For all his army training, the kid didn’t exactly make it to Rio, did he!

Bad as each other

The Labour lot throwing a wobbly about a Tory government refusing to offer unaffordable subsidies to builders of offshore wind farms just confirms that the Gordon Brown attitude to other people’s money remains entrenched in the Labour party. Wonderful!

Weird!

Bernard Looney, chief executive of BP, gets the bullet for not being transparent about relationships with colleagues. There’s a monumental mind-boggler.
    Starting how was he ever taken seriously with a name like that?

Grrrr!

That was a really good shot of a coach looking fiercely mad after his team, the Buffalo Bills, lost to the New Jersey Jets in overtime on Monday Night.
    And no, no matter how often they show the ad on Youtube, I am not going to Qatar to watch a Grand Prix with a WWE script.

Endless stream

A feature in the paper about World Cup WAGs? Haven’t we been all through that? Oh, it’s the rugby World Cup.
    Seems like there are more Cups around than you can shake a stick at, all claiming to be of as much importance as the men’s football World Cup.

Also Easy

How do you know you’re in a cemetery that’s in the United States? Most of the memorials & monuments will have multiple bullet scars from the many shoot-outs involving gangsters and (rogue) cops, which seem to take place regularly in burial grounds.

Easy Peasy

How did Birmingham manage to go bust? The same way lots of other Labour misrun authorities have. By throwing money away on scores of directors and assistant directors, most with non-jobs, but on a fancy salary with a gold-plated public sector pension. And similar frills.
    As well as making a total bog of a major construction project, let us not forget.

They never get it

The brightest piece of wisdom ends up sounding hopelessly trite when repeated relentlessly in a clip used to plug a TV programme.

Why not?

With council staff being allowed to skive at home most of the week, why not use the empty council offices for emergency school space and get some benefit from the cash spent on maintaining them?

Unwarranted assumption

Turning over a new leaf is generally assumed to involve becoming a reformed character.
    But why?
    It could just as easily involve turning to a new page in one’s personal Book of Evil and becoming even worse!

Happy, Happy

Lots of good cheer among the Green Bay Packers fans at the Mansion after their team crushed the Chicago Bears.
    “Is it our year yet?” they’re asking, feeling it’s overdue.

NFL philosophy

“Sometimes, the only way to learn how to win is to win.”
    Well, it sounds like it means something.

What do they know anyway?

So much for the pundits. They were asking if the Gaol Break Kid had left the country a couple of days before he was re-bagged and sent back to gaol.
    No point in wiping the egg of their faces. There will be more along any minute.

The big boys

Martin led Bagnaia and Bezzecchi in the MotoGP race. What’s Danny Pedrosa, retired and back as a wild card for this one race only, doing 4th? With Marc Marquez 6th. Crash on lap 10/12, 2 riders gone. Another a lap later.
    Espargaro didn’t make turn 1 with 12 laps to go. Bezzecchi took 2nd place with 9 to go but that was as far as he could get. Bagnaia stayed ahead of Pedrosa for the last podium place. M. Marquez finished 7th.

One way out

Is it a swiz if Jessica Fletcher takes a week off and lets the dozy Irish cop, or dodgy Dennis,  do all the work? Or can they get away with the ‘she wrote’ clause, which doesn’t means she had to be in it?

Back for more

Acosta led the charge in Moto2 from start to finish. Foggia crashed on lap 5/22. SLow was 8th and Jake Dixon, who did so well last time, was barely in the points. Canet fell off on lap 9, trying too hard. Sam Lowes went @ turn 1 with 7 laps left. Vietti & Lopes were 2nd & 3rd some way being Acosta.

Give us a break!

Gordon Bennett! Great! TV has got its bloody Xmas channel going. Like we need that now.

Off to San Marino

It was all very sensible at the start of 20 laps of Moto3 with Masia leading and building a gap. Öncü, in second place, set a new lap record and caught the leader on lap 7.
    Plenty of overtaking in the lead group. Masia was shuffled back at midway. It was Öncü, Masia & Alonso into the last lap, more shuffling and a reverse order finish with Muñoz tagged on to the end of the lead group and series leader Holgado well down the order. Great race!

The power of suggestion?

Oh, oh! What’s Walker the Texas Ranger been smoking? He was seeing phantom Injuns again the other day and making up stories about them. And getting everyone else to see the Injun on a horse!

Eye off the ball

The wooden Labour leader, Sir Beer Smarmer, does a rant about cowboys running the country. Has he not noticed that the prime minister is an Indian? And is everything about Labour short-sighted and useless?

Good Point

If Hapless Hairy and his brother Bill are normally 6,000 miles apart, does being 100 miles apart, as claimed by a Daily Mail headline, amount to a rapprochement?

Obviously not paying attention

You have to wonder about the journalists who throw a wobbly when they’re told that gas and electricity prices, which reduced in summer with reducing demand, will be sky high again come winter.
    Are they too thick to know this is normal supply & demand in action? Or do they have a sinister ludicrous left agenda?

Recycle, recycle

Where did they get the title The Equalizer for the Edward Woodward TV series? It’s the title of Episode 19 of Series 3 of Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Not a lot of people know that.

Didn’t pay attention?

I don’t think much of the training Texas Rangers like Walker get. When you’re mopping up bad guys, you don’t leave their guns lying around so they can wake up and start using them again after you boot them.
    Why doesn’t Walker know this?
    But he does know how to turn a Claymore round to zap bad guys. And he’s great at wrecking a TV studio.

Well, Maybe

The iconic Nessie picture was faked by a surgeon. The latest effort (well, one from 5 years ago) is being explained as a sturgeon (no, not Wee Burney). Apparently, they can grow up to 5 feet long in Loch Ness.
    But that picture still looks more like a couple of black bin bags than a creature.

Anti-Thrift Campaign

Is it helpful for banks to keep sending emails to customers reminding them how far from their credit limit they are and urging them to spend, spend, spend using their credit card?
    Not in this universe.

Public Service? In what universe?

Lots of sound and fury about the aeroconcrete used in schools in England but not Wales. Why? ’Coz the Labour government there can’t be arsed to do checks on its schools and other buildings containing it.

Time Waster

Are there any kudos for printing a picture of the British Museum curator who was sacked; he claims without justification; over the huge amount of stuff that was stolen from the archives?
    Not really if he’s not talking to the hounds of Her Majesty’s Press.

Tell ’em anything!

Local councils are claiming that they only let staff work from abroad if it doesn’t affect their performance and productivity.
    How do they get away with it?
    If you’re starting from piss poor as your base standard, it’s not hard to pretend nothing has changed.

Turn the page

What sort of an idiot goes wandering round in green underpants that cost her over $800 and no trousers to hide her knobbly knees?
    The ‘star’ of a TV series I’ve never watched, according to the breathless blurb.
    Maybe they should make a total lack of dress sense a criminal offence.

I know him!

Another familiar face spotted in The Pioneers, series 2 episode 2 of The Six Million Dollar Man – B.J. from the TV version of M*A*S*H doing a wild man from Borneo act after being experimented on in space. Not one of Oscar’s best ideas.

Obviously

Full marks to Amanda Platell of the Daily Mail for spotting that the scale-less ‘Nessie’ picture from 5 years ago looks just like a couple of black bin bags rather than a candidate for Scotland’s mythical monster.
    That was my immediate reaction, too.

Getting cuter

As well as cutting UseLEZ camera cables and spraying paint on them, protesters are resorting to a coating of cement on the camera lens. Will the Labour party ever get the message that we know it’s a scam? Like they care.

Fun on the job?

Does it do a Harvard professor any good to claim that some tiny fragments of exotic alloys could have come from an alien spacecraft rather than a perfectly natural meteor from outside the solar system?
    Okay, maybe. But without evidence, what’s the point?

Tripe factory

Should the Education Secretary be required to quit after ITV played a dirty hot-mike trick on her?
    Complete non-story. Good job nothing serious is going on if bullshit like this is the headline.

Not impressed

Okay, its quite warm and sunny. But there’s no justification for all the red ink the Met Office bods are sloshing on their weather maps.
    Or is where their head office is the only area that counts?

Backward step

Viewing my recording of the Bond film Spectre (2018); and just blasting through the adverts; I found it rather sad that they had grotted on the format to replace the venerable Q with a Harry Potter clone.
    Inadequate, is a good description of the subtitles for the foreign language sequences. Or perfunctory.

Not recommended

The remake of the film Get Carter with S. Stallone as a robotic thug is definitely one to record before watching. 2 hours and 4 minutes, including adverts, can be done in 65 minutes via fast forwarding through ads & boring bits.

Not buying it

“Every few seconds, there are new waves on the sand,” quoth a bloke who’s planning to walk along and around all named Scottish beaches.
    Wrong. The ‘new waves’ are just old ones recycled. That’s what Nature does. Give you back something used. It’s not in the matter creation business!

How do they get away with it?

Pride destroys all symmetry and grace. Pride goeth before destruction. Pride is the last vice a good man sheds. Pride is the mask of one’s own faults.
    Pride is over-estimation of oneself by reason of self-love.
    It’s also one of the seven deadly sins.

Gone for now

Gulp! No more Hudson & Rex & the gang on Sundays. Until the inevitable repeats, of course.

Not quite to plan

A consort of electric viols played the national anthems before the MotoGP race and it was a bit less windy. Mayhem on lap 1/24, series leader Bagnaia was run over on the track, red flag.
    The quick start procedure was used for the 23 laps starting 20 minutes late.Viñales was the early leader. Both Marquez brothers were in the top 10 early on, but Marc was evicted.
    Espargaro was a close 2nd and a long gap back to 3rd. Viñales was booted wide with 4 laps to go? A racing incident on shot tyres. Espargaro held on to win his team’s 1-2. Martin was a distant third.

Go now

Don’t you just wish they’d ban the dreadful Giles Brandreth and the oleaginous chairperson, Sue Perkins, from ever again appearing in the much-loved Radio 4 show Just A Minute?
    They suck. Mightily.

Ignored Illegality?

How come the people in the US who are pandering to Prince Hairy’s latest poor little stinker fantasies outburst are not being arrested? Pandering is supposed to be illegal there.

More close racing

Arbolino, 2nd in the series, was 20th on the grid but up to 11th, behind Sam Lowes, after the first of 21 laps. Another 96, Dixon, had an early lead. A group of 4 pulled a lead. Gonzales then Canet led.
    Acosta went ahead with 7 laps to go and the front group grew to 5. Acosta was bumped off the track. His involuntary long lap dropped him to 6th.
    Dixon went ahead with 3 to go and stayed there. Canet was 2nd, Arenas 3rd and Sam Lowes finished 9th.

Quality goods

They must give Yankee boffins really good laptops. The lady boffin in a mega-quake film was in TWO helicopter crashes with the same dozy military pilot but her laptop survived intact both times.

Great stuff!

Not much grip and lots of wind for the Moto3 race in the Republic of Catalonia. Fenati was at the back for being a twat during qualifying, series leader Holgado was on row 4.
    The field became strung out with lots of passing without crashing; until lap 5/18. 96 Holgado was in the lead a couple of laps later.
    He was shuffled back to 5th with 3 laps to go. Two blue bikes instead of red ones at the front; briefly. Holgado led into the last lap. Masia went ahead. Holgado fell off at turn 10, trying too hard! At the line, it was Alonso, Masia and Öncü.
    Phew, Guv, wot a race.

Net Zero credibility

I scoffed while reading a claim that Palace officials got at a TV script to stop then unmarried Megan Markle from saying ‘poppycock’ in case social media drones edited a clip to make it look like she was saying ‘cock’.
    What started the scoffing was a claim that ‘bullshit’ was substituted, which invites us to believe that it would be okay for Prince Hairy’s girlfriend to be edited to say ‘shit’.

Stamina, lots needed

Blimey! The AEW wrestling extravaganza, shown on ITV 4, started at 9 p.m. on Thursday and ran on until 2 a.m. on Friday!
    You’d have to be bloody keen to sit through all that lot, especially the obligatory ranting.

What’s on the other side?

Oh, no! Prince Hairy is doing his poor little stinker routine again with a loada video BS.
    Yawn.

Cancel Catastrophe

Some celeb I’ve never heard of has set off X-witter meltdown by daring to have an opinion about handing out puberty-blocker drugs like sweeties.
    Which just confirms that there are a lot of nasty people with nothing useful to do with themselves who are messing about on social meeja.

Not buying it

Is there anything special about the first showing of an old film on a minor TV channel? The Fourth Protocol by Frederick Forsyth was published in 1984 and the film version was released in 1987.
    If you label your showing a ‘premiere’, that’s a dead giveaway that you’re trying to hype something that doesn’t merit it.

No problem

“Why are so many teetotal celebs now selling alcohol?” asked a headline spotted in a newspaper which was being recycled.
    Simple. They’re money-grubbers. Next crisis, please.

Missing step

Why do we never hear anything about the Second World? Why do pundits always go to the Third World for a comparison with no intermediate stage?
    Sheer mental idleness, I suppose.

His choice

Is it relevant that William Shakespeare had his dinner at lunchtime and his supper at dinnertime/teatime? His personal preference doesn’t constitute a rule, just something for an academic desperate for attention to write about.