Not sold

The Daily Mail reckons its ‘free’ Brexit tea towel is worth ten quid. Would you pay that much for a tea towel? I definitely wouldn’t!

Things we should be told

1. Is it possible to get hold of irresponsibly sourced foods?
2. If so, how much cheaper are they than their responsible counterparts?

How do they do it?

Small companies pay people to offer glowing website reviews of their products. Bigger ones can be just blatant. One of my mates offered a review of a product offered by one of the big supermarkets only to have it rejected because it contained a note of criticism. It fell foul of their guidelines – i.e. it wasn’t 100% positive. Easy when you know how.

Boldly going where others have gone before

That’s a real swiz – Star Trek Discovery pinching the idea of Groundhog Day for episode 6.

The thing I hate most about Windows . . .

. . . is that when I go to the trouble of carefully selecting some text with my mouse, bloody Windows immediately ignores my efforts and selects something I don’t want in the opposite direction.
    Whoever wrote that piece of the code should suffer the death of a thousand cuts on a daily basis for a thousand years.

Don’t call me

The FBI’s mouthpiece is asking why Prince Andrew won’t talk to them. Maybe he doesn’t want to end up with his neck broken in three places like the late Mr. Epstein.

The way it’s going

That “4th & 15 from the 25” option in the Pro Bowl is wearing the player safety badge in the name of reducing concussions. In the good old daze, when men were men, if a player got broken, there was always someone else to fill the gap.
    These days, players are multi-million dollar commodities with an agent, who will get the hump  big time if his source of income is broken. Cue even more non-contact rules.

Incredibly too good to be true

A TV ad promising 200 grand life cover for less than the price of a family-size pizza? Which is what? 10 or 20 quid, depending on the size of the family? How do these characters navigate the Trade Descriptions Act? Probably by sticking a clause in the fine print saying: “when we say a pizza, we mean millions of them”.

Someone else’s tragedy

Nothing makes you more aware of the fragility of fame than having the commentators of the Pro Bowl lamenting the untimely death of a megastar you’ve never heard of.

Established trend

I’ve recently noticed that the people who make TV ads have developed a preference for ladies who sound like Cloudier Fringe. I hear what sounds like her familiar voice, but when I look at the screen, the lady selling the electric toothbrush is young, gifted and black rather than middle-aged, white and with hair down to her eyelashes, and flogging shampoo.

Small thought

There are lots of TV shows about the 6 million people who died in the Holocaust. Strange that the 40 million who perished in Soviet death camps before, during and after the Nazi reign get barely a mention. They’re clearly lacking in the right connections.

Handy home tips No. 87

After taking the mug out of the cupboard, make sure that it is the right way up before you start pouring coffee in to it.

Derision department

There are people who can’t live without confecting outrage. The Church of England seems to have a need to confect derision with statements like its pronouncement that civil partnerships can’t include sex, which is only for married couples.

Memo to self

It has taken me long enough to realize this, but it will probably be a good idea to make sure the cat is indoors on the evening of the 31st. Because she will not appreciate the Brexit fireworks.

Believe it or what!

Does anyone really believe they won’t be done over if an on-line casino puts ‘fair’ in its name? Pur-lease!

Dead voices?

The continuity announcements on some channels for blasts from the past can get really old and fail to reflect the current cast of a show. Which leaves a cynic like me wondering if the people who made the recording are still alive, or their heirs are benefiting from the repeat fees (if any).

Try doing a grown-up advert, you clods

The car touted in a TV advert has two sources of power, we are told, petrol and ‘electric’. Do they mean electricity? And do they really expect anyone to be impressed by ungrammatical wibble?

In contrast

It was an El Cheapo do in San Francisco – a barber shop trio instead of a quartet – before their conference final. Shame the Packers’ offence didn’t show up in the first half and make a spectacle of it. The whole thing was decided by half-time. But no surprise that the 49ers are going against the Chiefs in Miami.

Xtremists are as Xtremists do

The Xtinction mob are getting a lot above themselves if they think they can have Russian communist style show trials for people they want to fit up for damaging the climate followed by a Chinese communist style bullet in the back of the head (paid for by the deceased’s family, of course) after the mandatory conviction and death sentence.

A treat for the ears

What a bravura performance of the anthem @ Arrowhead that was before KC vs the Titans. There have been some very dodgy efforts in the past. That one ticked all the right boxes and a couple of spares.

BFD? No, very small!

Gang of drug dealers gaoled for a total of 100 years!!! Wow!!!
    There were 21 of them.
Not so wow.

Whatever turns you on!

“Hostile massage” – one of the perks of British Airways holidays, according to the TV ad. Sounds like fun.

Slight readjustment

It has been suggested that the phrase ‘grin and bear it’ has overtones of masochism. Maybe we should rewrite it as ‘grim but bear it’. No element of enjoyment there.

Time warp

Spiderman From Mars? Did I really hear that or was it my over-active imagination anticipating a future contribution from the franchise? Sounds like a film which will be a big success.

A new ringed planet

Apparently, The Earth is about to join the Solar System’s list of ringed planets. Unlike Jupiter, our ring won’t be a result of turbulence in the atmosphere, it will be smoke from the Australian bush fires, which is currently circling the globe. Something for alien tourists to gawp at!

A rather small deal

A kid can identify 129 books from their opening statement. Impressive? Well, I managed 70% of the trial group on offer without having made an effort to build up a stock of knowledge. Not so impressive after all.

Tough cookie!

Her dad has a heart attack but that’s no excuse for not turning up for his little girl’s wedding? Sounds like former princess Meghan isn’t someone you want to cross!

The words ‘ears’ and ‘cloth’

‘Reptile dysfunction’, the bloke seemed to be selling in one of the ads when I was giving Westworld on the SF channel another go. Crumbs! It must be really dreadful if your reptile doesn’t work, I remember thinking at the time.
p.s. Something else not working is Westworld, the TV series, which I have abandoned. No strong plot-line and the compulsory casual killings are too tedious for words.

Sky binned!

I noticed by accident that the WWE was on BT Sport when looking at the nearby Sky listings for when playoff matches were on. That should leave a HUGE hole in the Sky schedule, which used to be full of shows, repeats, highlights, etc. Not that I’m bothered one way or the other. The WW has become exceedingly samey and boring and I can’t remember when I last bothered to watch it.

Just wonderful

That had to be one of the best weekends of playoff American Crunch ever! Especially that dramatic come-back slaughter of the Texans by the Chiefs. Strong performances by the 49ers and the Titans, and the Packers saw off the Seasquawks in chilly Green Bay. Shame that it all has to end in just a few weeks.

History preserved

There was a beautifully crisp colour version of the 1967 SF film They Came From Beyond Space on Talking Pictures TV last night. This is what computers were invented for.
p.s. I bet newsreader Kenneth Kendall was chuffed to see his name given as Kandall at the end of the credits!

It’s good to be informed

I’ve often wondered what it means when a American points up at the sky. According to a visitor from Ghod’s Country, it’s an invitation to ‘smile for the spy satellite’.

No Highway

That was a pretty considerable brick wall the Vikings ran into in San Francisco. A good day for Mr. Cousins to eat turf! Will the 9ers be playing the former Browns in the final? Could happen. But so could something else.

Unexpected bonus

What’s the last thing you expect when you open a 3-slice pack of honey-roasted ham to make some sandwiches? Finding 4 slices came as quite a surprise.

Sad story

“How are albino animals treated in the wild?” asks a Daily Mail Correspondent. As would seem obvious, no one ever buys them a drink.

Not able to panic

There was a danger to life weather warning in force yesterday with 70 mph gales threatening all of England and Wales between 3 a.m. and 6 p.m. I didn’t notice things being exceptionally breezy and I didn’t find out about it until I read about it in the paper at five to 5 p.m. in the afternoon. A bullet dodged? Or an opportunity to be a victim missed?

In the same vein

There was an advert for Serious Light reading lamps in yesterday’s paper. No mention of the price but if you buy one, you get another lamp worth £150!! free while stocks last.
    When I had a look at the website, I found out why the ad was price-free. The lamps cost 400 bloody quid!! Serious cash for a Serious Light.

Not so wonderful

I got an email offering five times Nectar points on journeys made to Yorkshire, the Lake District and Edinburgh on TranPennine Express trains. On the same day I read in the paper that they were cancelling half of their services to train drivers to use new trains delivered 18 months late. Either you can’t win, or you’re not supposed to.

A century of progress? Hardly

Reading the Richard Hannay stories created by John Buchan a century ago shows how little the world has changed. There are still an abundance of the wilder Communist sects up to no good, murderous hobbledehoys in Ireland and international criminal syndicates, e.g. the ones in Russia and Iran, and moral imbeciles, who are swept into any movement by those who understand them, are everywhere and ready and willing to wave their red flags.

Not a patch on the film

I’m not terrifically impressed by the first 2 episodes of the TV version of Westworld, which were on the Sci-Fi channel last night. A cowboy theme park created by a bunch of cowboys using cowboy programmers. Is there a better recipe for disaster? And cowboy doctors behind the scenes who let one of the artificial people escape? Creak.

Well done, mate!

After all the stick Kirk Cousins has been getting, the shock of the weekend has to be the Vikings winning in overtime in New Orleans. Maybe he just needed to be in a team that was better than his past outfits.

Computer plays silly buggers

One of the minions at the Mansion has been converting some typed documents into something which can be edited on a computer and printed. He was using a program called OmniPage to do the OCR work on his scanned images, and he baffled by getting garbage from some of the pages.
    On closer examination, he found that Omnipage was loading some of a batch of pages sideways!! and the odd one upside-down!! Get out of that.

Arm-strangled!

14-13 down, 99 yards to go in 15 seconds for a touchdown. Less, obviously, for a field goal. Brady throws a pick straight to Ryan of the Titans, a sometime Patriot, for 6 walk-in points. No cigar from the 2-point try. A 20-13 win for the Titans instead of 14-13 in foggy New England. Where we didn’t want the home team to win. Wildcard Saturday rocked!

Things the WWW tells us

How do you get a name like Ka’imi, like the Texans’ place kicker? Be born in Hawaii and shorten a Hawaiian given name that’s about a paragraph long.

Good News!

The 2016 remake of the film Ghostbusters with 4 smart ladies and a dim bloke not answering their phone really works. Are we cool with New York getting ghosted? Sure. What have they done for us recently?

Buffalo on the way back

That was some match between the Bills and the Texans on Wildcard Saturday. A win squeaked by the home team to confirm their higher seeding shouldn’t have surprised us, but it did, the way the Bills started.

Experts need to drop dead

Some professor with a book to sell is claiming that alcohol is the most lethal drug on the planet and if you drink every day, you’re doomed. Even if it’s just one glass per day. And you need two non-drinking days off a week if you want to live forever. But who wants to live forever if it feels like you’re living in effin’ gaol?

A fair question

A Daily Mail reader has spotted all the TV ads for charities for children, old people, donkeys, etc., abroad and asked what our Dept. for International Development is doing about them. A more pertinent question would be what are the governments of the countries involved doing about these problems? This is the 21st century, after all. What excuses do they have left?

Dippy Dave Remembers

A Daily Mail reader pointed out that Dave the Leader’s book of memoirs of being PM is £7 cheaper from the WH Smith website than the shops. But who’s likely to want to buy it from either source?

Brilliant, eh!

After a 27-day rail strike in the South-West of England, can the guards go back to work? No, apparently they all need to be retrained in safety procedures as they’ve been away from the job so long they’ve forgotten what to do. You couldn’t make up anything dafter.

Goes with the territory

I can’t help feeling that the people caught up in the bush fires in Australia are just like the people who choose to live on volcanoes. They know the place is dangerous and they still choose to live there.

Who loses?

Shame, isn’t it, that BBC ‘stars’, whose names ring no bells, are having to abandon anti-social media to the trolls. Or maybe it’s a good thing that they are getting a life instead.

Built to last

I knocked up a mixed pasta dish yesterday, which included finishing off a packet of pasta ear-holes which has been hanging around for ages. It wasn’t until the mixture was cooking that I noticed that the “best before” date on the packet was 20/01/ . . . . 2017!! Tasted okay, though.