Changing fortunes

John Sheridan, sometime commander of Babylon 5 and President of the Interstellar Alliance, has lowered himself to become president of Supergirl’s United States! We should be in safe hands, but what about that cloud of green Kryptonite fog which zapped Supergirl? Maybe not.

Putting the record straight

Good news that Lewis Hamilton is the F1 champion again. Now, the time is ripe for justice to prevail and for M. Schumacher to be stripped of the title which he gained by deliberately ramming Damon Hill’s car and doing Hill out of his first title.
    Schumacher was stripped of his season’s points total when he tried the same tactic on Jolly Jacques Villeneuve, so the precedent is there. And if justice prevails, someone who didn’t cheat to win might make it to the magic number of seven world championships.

Improper announcement

Is it a proper Budget if the Chancellor announces that he’s going to undo all the 'not living within our means any more' if he doesn’t like what happens over the Brexit deal with the EU? And can anyone take him seriously when the Prime Minister, his boss, says she’s not going to give up her end to the Gordon Brown austerity?

What’s wrong with Tuesdays?

I had a problem getting on the internet last Tuesday, then everything magically sorted itself out the next day. It’s Tuesday again – and I had more bother, which magically sorted itself out today. Maybe I should ask my broadband company for a 1/7th discount on what they charge me if I’m going to have aggro on Tuesdays.

Not very fair

I noticed that the bloke who did the rant at the awkward old lady on the Ryanair flight was still getting a lot of stick in the Sunday papers. But going from the newspaper account of their adventure right after it happened, she came across as obstructive, entitled and just as racialist as anyone else. But the rules are different for ethnic minorities, of course.

Feline indifference

The animal show at Wembley didn’t impress the cat. She slept through all of the Eagles vs the Jaguars; apart from a couple of trips to her personal snack bar and having bit of a wash.

Big and Arrogant

“If you don’t like these principles, I have plenty more,” as Groucho Marx more or less said in one of his films. Substitute ‘silly story’ for ‘principles’ and that’s what we’re getting from Russia, Saudia and now China, where the persecution of millions of Moslems in Xinjiang province is being waved off as anti-terrorism re-education.

Probably for the best

If China and the US go to war within the next 15 years over China’s thefts of intellectual property, as the former head of US forces in Europe fears, then we won’t have to worry about the latest scare from the Dept. Of Global Warming Fraud.
    If there is a superpower war, then those in the middle won’t care if all of our current coastal areas will be under water by 2080, as the DGWF predicts. Assuming there’s anyone left to care.

Gummed mildly

Is Lord Hain likely to take any notice of dispensed-with sometime attorney general Dom Grieve taking exception to his decision to naming business magnate Phil Green as a serial deployer of gagging orders? Given Hain’s history and Grieve’s insignificance, not really.

Power gap

Oh, dear! An expert has done some sums and calculated that the government’s plan to make all vehicles electric in a decade or so has a major flaw. The country’s power generation capacity will have to be stepped up to 11 times the current level to allow over 30 million electric cars to be charged up overnight.

Circus Acts

Clown Jewels? That sounds a remarkably apt title for the next WW Big Event. All we have to do is decide where the bigger clowns are – in the ring or commentating.

Just tell them to get lost

The ‘Irish border issue’ is a load of bollocks concocted by an Irish government which is desperate to be noticed and the EU. We should just tell them that if they want a border with barriers, it’s up to them to pay for it, build it and maintain it because we’re not getting involved.

None of this death nonsense!

One of these ’ere surveys has found that youngsters barely out of their teens think that marriage should be like a mobile phone contract – something lasting for 24 months tops with an option to upgrade to a better partner when the deal runs out.

A biscuit short of a barrel

No internet yesterday, so unable to rant about this: but do the PC pillocks on Radio 4's The News Quiz ever listen to themselves? Last week, one of the worthies started talking about the disabled then changed tack to differently abled.
    But differently abled means that if someone can’t walk, they can fly? Doesn’t it?

Gottle of Geer

I get what b-stars-d and f-stars are euphemisms for. But g-stars? Clearly, I have led much too sheltered a life.

It’s all relative

I mentioned DollarShave back in February after seeing the TV ad, which features a bloke being clobbered below the belt for a reason I have never gathered; mainly because I have never seen the ad without the TV sound muted. That ad is still running and, on reflection, I suppose its outcome is a lesser evil than being killed by the Russians or the Saudis.

Technology gap

Another of life’s weirdities – why can Sky Sports never get the sound synchronized with the pictures when the guys in the studio are pontificating on NFL Sunday?

Not that original, or necessary, after all

Portugal, which has lots of cork trees, isn’t happy about the trend to wine bottles with screw caps. Hence the wonderful invention of a cork with a screw thread, which gives an air-tight seal when replaced in the bottle. Clearly, no one there has noticed that the cork from a bottle of single-malt whisky does the same job very well.

Another Canadian triumph!

The Canadian Football League’s fans at the Mansion are all agreed that they’d like to shake the hand of the scriptwriter for last night’s match between the Hamilton TigerCats and the Ottawa RedBlacks. It was great right to the last minute, and then that last minute was absolutely outstanding! Lessons for the No Fun League to learn?

Another PR triumph

The Saudi regime’s story that the self-exiled journalist Jamal Khashoggi died in a fist fight at their consulate in Turkey has interesting implications. The sub-text is that he must have been a bit of a nutter if he’d taken on odds of 15 to one. If you’re a bad guy, try to make out that your victim is even worse?

Just a thought

Any chance of getting Putin the Poisoner or the Saudis to deal with our troublesome hate preacher and save the nation a fortune?

Scammer window of opportunity

Good news: banks are going to check the name of the payee of an online transaction as well as the account number and sort code.
Bad news: they’re not going to do before July 2019.

Diversity Rulz, OK!

One thing you can’t accuse the Daily Mail of is toadying to the Tories. 50% of the columnists think the PM is a hero and the rest think, and are allowed to say, that she’s total crapola.

The Patel Explanation

That was a brilliant defence offered by a guy who was caught with 19 stolen cars in his basement garage; he’s an honest businessman who was unlucky enough to have been done over by nineteen different crooks.

Apt comparison

I note with amusement that the disgraced Commons Speaker is being called a very good Squeaker in the same sense that the much MeeToo’d Harvey Weensteen is described as a very good film producer.

Answer to a Correspondent

“What happened to the state coach for the Squeaker of the House of Commons?” someone asked in yesterday’s Daily Mail. It’s parked up permanently as Berko’s head got too big to go through the door, mate.

No, thanks

5p on a bottle of wine to pay for alcoholics? Why not make them pay for their own treatment for a self-inflicted condition? That’s make as in a legal obligation as an alternative to making the rest of us subsidize them.

Not me, Gov!

Where would we be without rogue agents? That’s the kite the Saudi regime is flying for the disappearance of their estranged citizen Jamal Khashoggi, who went to the Saudi consulate in Instanbul on the same day as 15 rogue Saudi agents (October 2nd) and hasn’t been seen since.

Not thought through

This idea of getting postmen to chat up elderly customers to find out if they’re lonely, and refer them to local dancing, art or cookery classes if they are, sounds doomed to failure. In my experience, modern postmen just want to zoom round their walk in the least possible time to get the job done. Whilst the idea might appeal to some of them, I doubt the majority want to become amateur social workers.

Opportunities for advancement

If the Church of England has Very Reverend persons, wouldn’t it be great if the organization expanded the range of titles in the name of diversity? People could really relate to a Slightly Reverend or a Tolerably Rev. or even a Not Particularly (but tries hard) Rev.

Grave future world

Listening to part of Any Questions? Is 70 on Radio 4 yesterday, I was able to suss out the snowflake/millennial agenda. Their plan is to wait for anyone who knows anything about what happened in the 20th century to die off and then make their mess of things confident that there will be no one competent to challenge them, bearing in mind that all dissent will be trolled out of existence anyway.
    What sort of world will it be when it’s run by aged millennials who think that their parents’ and grandparents’ generations ruined everything so that they never had a chance? One shudders to think.

Window of opportunity!

This is a live-mike game (the Canadian Football League warns us) which is expected to offer plenty of opportunities for weirdos to be offended. Trade Descriptions Act, dude! The filters are so good that what is said tends to be very wholesome when it’s not downright incomprehensible.

Education needed

The most lost of lost causes has to be the global warming bunch telling everyone they can eat meat only once a week. That’s even more lost than the cause of educating people in their entitlements. Such as they are entitled to live within their means, they’re not entitled to breed children they can’t support and they are definitely not entitled to more than basic food and shelter at the expense of everyone else.

Incitement to illegality

Where the bloody hell is Tokelau and why is someone called Sybil Manqum, who has a cannabis shop, sending me emails claiming she can send me weed to smoke today which is legal in the UK? Sounds like either some sort of a scam or an invitation to get my collar felt by HM Customs.

A really useful gadget

It has been pointed out to me by the Mansion’s catering manager, who has taken charge of it, that the flexible ice cube tray can be used in precision cooking. Its 12 compartments hold either the juice of 2 average-size lemons or 4 limes. I bet whoever marketed the thing never thought of that as a bit of promotional puff.

Expanding the language

How about threeché as a description for something that’s a better gotcha than twoché?

Don’t get involved

How does one avoid getting fake texts from scammers pretending to be one’s bank? I’ve found not giving my bank a mobile phone number works quite well.

Gadget reincarnated from gadget heaven

Gadgets are usually tried out and consigned to a box or a cupboard when the fail to be brilliant. But looking through such a cupboard, I actually found a useful gadget. FOI! It’s a flexible ice cube tray. No, not something for making flexible ice cubes.
    When full of solid cubes of ice, lemon or lime juice, etc., the tray can be hovered over a suitable plate as a catcher and twisted to release the cubes cleanly and easily. Brilliant!

The great debate

Which is worse, BS of VS? Both bullshit and virtue signalling are the work of annoying creeps, who have too much time on their hands. Whatever happened to decent hobbies?

The enduring A-Team mystery

5Spike is showing episodes of the classic MacGuyver rival in which the guys are captured repeatedly. B.A. is strolling around wearing a king’s ranson in gold around his neck but not once do alleged BGs ever grab it off him when they have the chance. Are we really supposed to swallow that?

Un-pret for purpose

Britain’s endemic mistrust of foreigners is fanned by the fate of the sandwich chain with the foreign name, which is involved in two allergy response deaths. And even if they haven’t actually broken any rules, people can still feel entitled to their “told you so’s”.

A small mystery

Is Prince No. 2 taking the Mick? Or could it be that bearded Prince Harry has nothing at all to do with harrys.com, which does TV adverts for shaving materials?

Could do better

BT Sport TV seems to be in full SNAFU mode at the moment. It upset the motorbike fans on Sunday by making a bog up of MotoGP and it upset Canadian football fans on Monday by making a bog of covering last weekend’s early matches.

Just ignore the strikers, please!

London’s cosmetic mayor guaranteed that there would be no strikes on public transport during his turn in the job. The token immigrant bus driver’s son is now hoping that everyone will be too polite to mention that last Friday, the trains were on strike for the 15th time since he took office.

Yes, that could be it

Judy Murray, writing in the Sunday Post, came up with an interesting slant on the Manchester University students’ ban on clapping. Snowflakes can’t do it with a mobile phone in their fist, so what they’re really doing with their Al Jolson hands is waving their phones in the air. And letting muggers spot the best targets.

Not interested, mate!

Project Fear, it seems, is having a profound effect on the British public. Being exposed to the ludicrous lies spread by the Bremoaner Establishment has turned people off politics to the extent that their default setting is now: “I don’t believe you.” when a politician starts spouting.

The weird things you learn from reading

I am currently devouring Hoax by Edward Steers, a molecular biologist turned historian. In the chapter about Pearl Harbor, I learnt that the admiral in charge of the fleet there at the time of the Jap attack in 1941 was called Husband E. Kimmel.
    What sort of parents call their son Husband!!!

Technology gap

The Health Secretary wants GPs to send patients annoying text messages to nag them into changing an unhealthy lifestyle. What he plans to do about ancient Luddites who don’t have a mobile phone remains to be revealed.

Calm down, dears!

Expanding Heathrow airport by giving it another runway will lead to the total destruction of the entire planet, the protesters plan to tell a High Court hearing. They’ll have to be sure that the dottiest of dotty old judges is on the duty roster for their day in court if they expect to get away with that one!

Never going to happen

Apparently, snowflake millennials are coming to hate the grandparent generation because a lot of them are choosing to spend their savings and not leave it to trickle down to future generations. Wrong target, though. The cash no longer trickles because any the government doesn’t steal ends up going to care homes rather than the millennials.

Something he doesn’t do

Someone should tell the editor of the Daily Mail that the words ‘Putin’ and ‘shame’ don’t belong in the same sentence. As long as he has J. Corbyn on his side, not to mention all the Corbynites at the BBC and the likes of the North Korean newsreader Fuk Jon Sno, the Russian gangster boss is fireproof.

The magic of memory

“This memory was epinephrine encoded.” Sounds very scientific and meaningful but what it boils down to is just: “This is what I want to believe is true.”

Infiltration?

Do we have Russians running the Metropolitan police? The response from its bosses to the murder of PC Keith Palmer by a terrorist nutter at the Houses of Parliament has a lot in common with the not-me-gov response of President Putin to the GRU’s attack on Sergei and Yulia Skripal.

Truth bites

Yes, it’s true, men did invent physics. Mainly because society was structured such that women had lots of other things to do with their time. The boo-hoo buggers at CERN and other research centres might not like it, but that’s the way it happened.

All gone!

There is no more piss to take after Boris Johnson told his gathering on the Tory conference fringe that he can do humility. Still, he raised a huge laugh. And people were ready to queue up to watch him do his act, which is more than the Bremoaners on the main drag can claim.

More clothears

It sounded like a guy on the TV said ‘piece of crap’. Twice. Turned out he was doing a promo for a BBC podcast by the former(?) footballer Peter Crouch – I got that from reading what was on the screen. Where do they get these people?

Don’t believe everything a fanatic tells you

Nothing is impossible with God, eh? Has Luke 1:37 ever tried unsugaring a cup of tea?

Learning Process

Who sez TV ain’t educational? I never knew there were so many Canadians in the FBI until I watched some episodes of Sue Thomas F.B.I. Eye.

A lifetime of servitude

We were wondering how many years that USAF pilot would have to work without wages to settle his dept to society after gaining the dubious honour of being the first to crash an F-35 fighter. But no one had any idea how much he’s paid, which made calculating how long it would take to pay off $100 million a bit of a problem.

Getting away with it

Three penalties committed by the Patriots on one play during the 2nd quarter of their match with the Dolphins. Only 10 yards lost when it would have been 30 in Canada. Maybe a change of the rules south of the border is called for to punish a group bad attitude?