Take heart!

Iceland’s victory in the two decades of cod wars with Britain is being offered as a source of encouragement to our battered fishermen. Iceland’s fishers have prospered since then, and ours can do the same post-Brexit and following freedom from the EU’s grabbage. That’s the theory of it, anyway.

He said, he said

Frank Field, one of the few bastions of decency in the Labour party, has baled out. He was a total rotter and he quit before we could give him the push, sez the mouthpiece for his constituency party. There’s never a shortage of slime and someone to sling it in politics. Which makes the news that on-line abuse of politicians is on the increase no surprise. There’s nowt like anonymity for putting lead into the pencil of those with an imaginary grievance.

Brownian finance

Wonga goes wonky? It seems incredible that a company with a million customers paying interest on loans at up to 6,000% APR could go belly up. But it’s amazing what you can accomplish if you try hard enough.

More fake news

Shop prices are rising for the first time in 5 years? Really? My housekeeper tells me this is total bollocks. She can produce receipts showing that they’ve been creeping up and up relentlessly for ages. Five pee here, fifteen pee there. There has definitely not been a 5-year pause.

Their stupidity, our money

When is racial and sexual discrimination okay? When the government want to recruit female Asian and black firepersons in the name of diversity and at the expense of available and competent white males.

Social nicety

If you see someone wearing a ‘pronoun’ badge, turn round and walk away. Not getting involved with that sort of person always makes sense.

“That guy taco on one, right?”

What percentage, I wonder, of the TV audience can get anything out of a live-mike CFL match? Are there enough zeros to go between the decimal point and the number ‘1’? Probably not.

Not terrifically funny, but true

When is a hate crime not a hate crime as far as the police are concerned?
    When it’s anti-Semitism perpetrated by a card-carrying member of the Labour party.

Sporting barrel-scraping

Little League World Series baseball on BT Sport? Who’s going to watch that apart from the parents of the kids involved and paedophiles?

No worries, mate

Deposed SNP leader Alex Salmond has found himself on the wrong end of some MeeTooery. But he’ll be okay. Police Scotland are investigating and they are known to be not much cop.

Pointless record broken

A fine example of having more money than sense – paying $340,000 for a bottle of Japanese whiskey. But, not doubt, the auction house in Hong Kong appreciated its commissions.
    The big problem for the buyer is what to do next. Put the bottle on the mantlepiece to show it off or booze it with some mates to show off an easy come, easy go attitude.

Racing dead loss

No racing at Silverstone; the riders thought it was too dangerous. And the Belgian GP wasn’t up to much after the mayhem on the first lap. But it does help to have some Sunday papers to read when there’s nothing much happening on TV.

Even more thinking time

Oh, the suspense! Will there be any MotoGP today with big puddles on the track at Silverstone and conditions unsafe right now? All we at home can do is sit in front of the TV with a cup of tea and wish the rain away.

Thinking time

No internet for a couple of days doesn’t stop you thinking. Mr. Virgin’s engineer gave me a new hub whilst discovering that there was a problem with the external infrastructure, which would be fixed last night as it was a priority one matter. As a result, we now need to do some resetting of all laptops which connect to the hub wirelessly.
    Which is where the thinking comes in.
    Hi-Fi is a well known abbreviation for High Fidelity. But Wi-Fi? Shouldn’t it be Wi-Ne if it refers to wireless networking? But whoever decided to trademark Wi-Fi instead might have thought that Wi-Ne sounds too close to something to do with whining, and opted for a less loaded sound.

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one”

No VM internet on Friday or yesterday, but I can still comment about yet another Grenfell Tower fraudster being hauled before the courts, as reported in Saturday’s paper. Whenever that happens, the name is always foreign, which suggests that we need to be a lot more selective of the quality of immigrants. And to be more rigorous about chucking out the disreputable ones who are already here.

Nature finds a way

Good news for the Millennial Snowflakes – they’re not going to have to save up for their old age because they won’t have one. Apparently, their unhealthy lifestyle means that their ranks will be thinned to manageable proportions by diabetes, heart attacks and strokes at middle age.

Had to happen!

One of the MeeTooers who slagged off Harve WeenSteen has had to pay hundreds of thousands of bucks to a young male actor for MeeTooing offences. Pots & kettles, come away!
    Rejoice! The Universe does have a sense of humour after all.

Diversity is . . . Insanity

It had to come to this eventually – the pillock in charge of the magistrates’ union demanding more criminals in the ranks of the judiciary in the name of diversity. Where’s the colonel from Monty Python when you need him?

Not so wonderful

Speedster Usain Bolt is going to make a new career with an Aussie football team? Good luck to him and yah, boo to the boo-hoo-buggers who claim it’s just a publicity stunt. Of course, a bit of the steam went out of the ‘pleased for him’ when I learnt that it’s to play football football, not Aussie Rules.

Surprising fact

I never knew that the Labour party runs courses in anti-Semitism. But that does explain why so many of them are so good at it.

Small clarification

In actual fact, Jammy Oliver’s Jerk Rice is nothing to do with Jamaica. The ‘jerk’ refers to the likes of sari-wearing MPs of Jamaican descent who are stoopid enough to go on about cultural misappropriation.

A self-perpetuating cycle

“Poverty is man-made and it can be unmade” is the virtuous quotation. Unfortunately, as soon as some of it is unmade, along come more unfortunate, or just downright feckless, people to make more of it. It’s the closest humanity has come to perpetual motion. But it does provide lots of job security for the virtue professionals.

Not exactly a big deal

Scotland’s Fave Newspaper had a major Scottish criminal to put on the front page today. James Ward has been put of the FBI’s Most Wanted list. Now 65, Ward has been on the run for 6 years after his scam involving investment in non-existent precious metals went belly-up.
    If they ever catch him, the Feds hope to recover millions from him to pay court costs. But as his scam involved just $350,000, it sounds like only lawyers, court officials and Feds will make any money out of it. And it doesn’t say much for the FBI’s standards if someone who didn’t stroll off with MILLIONS can end up on the Most Wanted list!

Laziness or back-scratching?

What is the point of telling us the total number of years in gaol a gang of criminals collected? Especially if they all didn’t receive the same sentence. It’s just idle and pointless journalism. Of which there is a lot about.
    The same could be said about a judge pontificating that the criminals’ scheme was sophisticated and well thought out when there wouldn’t have been much point in trying it otherwise. Unless it’s the judiciary trying to puff up the police by creating the impression that they were way smarter than the crooks.

Fun to come

We can look forward to a spot of vigorous entertainment when the Silly Season ends and the political loafers come back from their extended, taxpayer-funded hols. Nigel Farage, the spiritual leader of UKIP, is going on a national tour to expose the lies and evasions offered by the PM and her Bremoaner pals as they plot to sabotage Brexit and frustrate the wishes of 174 million voters.

We’re supposed to be surprised?

Online betting firms make their money from people who are hooked on gambling and they aim their pitches and free gifts at this type of person. Captain Obvious is in the room again.

More stupidity

Jeremy Hunt used to have a fairly good reputation when he was the boss of the NHS. His move to the Foreign Office to replace Boris Johnson seems to have unhinged him, however, if he really believes that a no-deal Brexit will be something the country will regret for generations!
    But maybe he’s forgotten that Snoflakes have an attention span of 7.3 seconds.

Silly Season Staple

One gets the impression that the news media would be really stuck for something to put between the adverts were it not for the drunken brawls of sportsmen and the opportunities they generate for lengthy moralizing and faked indignation.

Serious offence

Corbyn is in real trouble now! A man of the people staying at a Five-Star hotel during his jolly in Tunisia in 2014? The bastard! The class traitor!

Oh, the agony!

On thing this country never seems to run short of is drama queens, who claim they’re going to be forced to leave the country if something terrible happens. Like Brexit being followed by the collapse of British society as we know it (won’t happen) or anti-Semitism becoming compulsory if Jeremy Corbyn becomes the prime minister of a fascist-left government (won’t happen).

Soviet Warming

The latest conspiracy theory is that the Russians are responsible for all the melting of Arctic ice and the stranded polar bears (aaah!). Apparently, the Putin People want to build military bases in the thawed areas as a basis for claiming new territory and the exploitable natural resources that go with it.
   Sounds very credible!

A spot of seasonal weather

The Corbyn witch hunt has been aggrandized to a storm in a bathtub, but he still has nothing much to worry about. Especially if his chief witch-hunters are the PM of Israel and the chairman of the Conservative party, neither of whom is exactly unappalling.
    And the BBC is still on his side when it takes a break from prosecuting its witch hunt against Boris Johnson.

The worst of all possible worlds

Whoever came up with that ‘Diversity is Strength’ slogan for garments worn by CFL players, coaches and staff was obviously in it for the money rather than the sense.
    Diversity is everyone walking up to the line of scrimmage and doing their own thing rather than what a coach told them.
    Diversity is 8-stone men, and women, playing linepersons and some kid who wants to be a star pretending to be a quarterback.
    Diversity is a shambles rather than the best of the best competing, and not something many people would pay good money to watch.

A new law for human society . . .

“For every witch hunt, there is an equal and opposite witch hunt”
    The one against Boris Johnson for failing to appreciate the bhurka is balanced by the one against Jezzer Corbyn for appreciating Palestinian bad guys too much.

Not enough space to fill!

I’ve just been reading about someone with a weight problem, who casually announced that he’s lost 9 stones – and he’s still got a bit to go before he’s at his ‘ideal’ weight. After a quick calculation, I found that if I lost 9 stones, there would be just a skeleton left. Which leaves my mind boggling about the size of the bloke before he started his diet!

Space-filler

You put your newspaper down for a minute and the next thing you know, there’s a cat sitting on it, having a wash. Further proof that cats are psychic.

Yah, boo to you!

After reading Mad Mandy’s column in today’s Sunday Post, it would be easy to imagine her dressing up in a bank-robber burcow outfit. Not to show solidarity with women oppressed by male Islamists, of course. Rather as an expression of female hatred for Boris Johnson for being right and having lots of popular support.

Virtue flags flapping cynically

“Rough sleeping has become a visible sign of a society failing people” is the message from Labour, which is in opposition and anxious to buy the rough sleeper vote with other people’s money by giving them fixed abodes.
    This view deliberately ignores the validity of the converse, namely that a lot of rough sleepers are people who refuse to engage with society. But then, when did facts have anything to do with politics?

Let Darkness Fall

I’ve just realized that I have missed out on a generation of illumination devices. I still have a fair stock of the now banned incandescent light bulbs, bought cheaply when newspapers were doing stunts against the ban, for those places where a light is needed infrequently but reliably.
    I have a much bigger stock of compact fluorescent light bulbs; bought at silly prices like 10p each when the manufacturers were trying to bribe us away from incandescents.
    I should have gone on to halogen bulbs, but I didn’t and it’s too late now because the EU will ban them at the end of this month. Bring on the next brilliant idea and I’ll probably ignore that too.

Tokenism without end

It’s time for a non-white star to play James Bond, allegedly. Sounds like we’re in for a huge epidemic of tokenism. If there’s a black Bond, there has to be an Asian one. And a Chinese Bond. And a woman. And someone from the BLT ‘community’.
    A couple of centuries hence, no doubt, someone will rediscover Ian Fleming’s books and shock the world with a white, male, hetero Bond.

Scum risen

Oh, dear. The Tories are turning into Labour. The big problem is that the people at the top of the party are no more Tories than Tony B. Liar was Labour. They have no political principles or ethics, they are just chancers, like Blair, Osborne and Dave, who are in politics as a stepping stone to meeting people with lots of loot so that they can Mandelsleaze them.
    The PM, unfortunately, doesn’t feel able to get a grip. As with Brexit, she is hiding behind the sofa whilst her minions stage a proxy burka war aimed at kneecapping Boris Johnson.
    Oh, for another Tory leader with a fraction of the stature of Maggie Thatcher.

Sir Buggeroff

Having got his knighthood, Britain’s richest man is off to tax-free Monaco with his £21 BILLION fortune. Could it be that he’s worried about a Labour government and a Labour chancellor trying to buy votes with his loot? He has form for sticking two fingers up to Labour on tax matters when Gordon F. Broon was the prime monster.

Rewriting the cultural code

When is a video game a work of art? When it contains Nazi symbols, such as swastikas. The regulatory body responsible for entertainment software has created the exemption so that video games don't fall foul of the ban on the display of anti-constitutional symbols in Germany and they can contribute tax revenue to the state.

Nothing to see, move along

You can tell it’s the Silly Season when someone like Margaret Hodge is passed off as a saint and the virtue-signallers in the Bremoan camp erupt when Boris Johnson unleashes some home truths about a cult costume and just repeats what other Tory grandees have said about burqs in burqas in the past.

Surfing the Bubble

A gang of criminals, who were importing Albanian illegals in leaky boats at £5.5K a head, saw their customers as sources of cash only and they weren’t bothered about ’elf ‘n’ safety, an indignant immigration minister complained.
    But they’re criminals. Only an idiot politician would expect them to behave like decent people. In their criminality.

It seems so obvious

In Stitchers [20:00 Syfy Channel, weeknights], why don’t they give Kirsten a bathing cap to keep her pony-tail out of the water in the Stitching tank?

Do not apologize, Boris!

He’s right, our former Foreign Sec. Women in a burka or a similar shame costume do look like letterboxes and they do look like bank robbers. And people wearing fancy dress should expect to be noticed and commented on if they stand out from the rest of society. Freedom of Speech, and all that. We’re not a Moslem state yet.

Cart before horse?

I’ve only ever seen this TV advert with the sound turned down but people are getting their heads shaved by the MacMillan cancer charity. But wouldn’t it make more sense for them to pay not to have their head shaved?

Don’t remind me

The Calgary Stampeders were wearing the numbers of famous past members of the roster during practice at the weekend. One of them got to wear the number of a certain D. Johnson, a.k.a. The Rock of WWF fame, who had a fairly unhappy time in Canada, according to his book of memoirs, and didn’t make the team. But I suppose he’s not bothered about that now.

Unacceptable ignorance

Oh, dear, what has happened to the education system in Scotland? Judy Murray, mother of Andy and a woman in her 6th (?) decade, admitted in yesterday’s Sunday Post that she has only just recently found out why Edinburgh is known as Auld Reekie. The price of decades of neglect by Labour then a decade of the SNP: Scots who know nothing of their heritage. Sad, really.

Out of the line of fire

A very entertaining morning’s motorbiking in the Czech Republic, which seems to be in the wrong part of southern Europe, as far as the heatwave is concerned. Spain is frying but Brno was cloudy and getting cooler, and they were actually wondering about rain (none arrived) before the main race of the day.

Not terribly reliable

It’s pretty much a summary of the character of the British weather. We’re supposed to be having a heatwave but it does get a bit grey and cool at times. Not today, though. It’s warm and sunny; well, most of the time.

Evil-free zone

“He’s not a messiah, he’s just a very naughty boy,” his mother said of Jesus in the famous biopic. Similarly, Osama bin Laden’s mom would have us believe that he was a shy boy and a good man. Which just goes to show that mothers are from another planet.

It’s true, no lead is safe!

That was an amazing Thursday Night Football match between the struggling World Champions of Canada, the Toronto Argonauts, and the east division leaders, the Ottawa Redblacks. The Argos were 34-14 down after 11 minutes of the 3rd quarter and looking dead and buried. But they fought back to 41-42 with 1 second left of the 4th quarter. Magic stuff in the CFL.

Keeps the conversation going . . .

Anyone who says “Hi, guys!” to mixed groups has to desist as it’s not inclusive enough, sez the Gauleiter of Greetings.
    In future, those who use the expression must say, “Hi, guys!” to include those who think the greeting has evolved to embrace women as well as men, and tack on a “Yo, scumbags!” to include the miserable gits who think it hasn’t. [And claim that’s dramatic irony and therefore okay.l

Corbyn has a point? (Surely not!)

Labour’s leaders appear to have a problem with the policies of Israel’s sociopathic leaders rather than Jews in general. The contrary position appears to be that if some regimes persecuted some Jews in the past, then all Jews should get a permanent free pass.
    Spot which view is less reasoning.

Non-news

We’ve had real news, fake news and now we’re getting what looks to me like non-news. Okay, the Manchester Arena bomber was born here of Libyan parents, who went back there. And he had to be rescued by the Royal Navy when things got sticky in Libya. But all this stuff about the rescue in the papers just looks like needless nit-picking.
    He was a nutter, who killed a lot of people, and now he’s a dead nutter. And experience tells us that all the nit-picking won’t identify the next lethal nutter in line.

Not that hot

We’re supposed to be in the grip of another heatwave this week, but it is definitely chilly and breezy outside. I suppose that’s what they call ‘fresh’ – which is a very fine apology word!