Let’s see if I’ve got this right . . .

It’s okay for leftie plebs to rant about “posh boys” and “toffs” because they don’t know any better, but it’s nokay for a jumped-up toff chief whip to call a pleb a pleb because you’d expect a toff to have the good manners not to remind plebs of their bottom-feeder status in society? Okay.

More tax & waste

Before Calamity Clegg starts grabbing even more money from the taxpayer, it might be an idea to stop the government wasting a large proportion of the money it’s getting now thanks to casual management and an attitude of “it’s only taxpayers’ money and there’s always plenty more of it.”

Storm in a teaspoon

The government is in crisis because a chief whip with a sense of entitlement as big as all outdoors swore at an obstructive, jobsworth copper, who wouldn’t open a gate for him? So does that mean all the serious problems; the economy, the lights going out because we don’t have enough power stations that work, the EU, etc.; have all gone away?

Surprise!!

I’m back from a short holiday somewhere sunny and exclusive to the news that our revered Prime Monster’s survey to find out what makes people happy has come up with an answer. The Office for National Statistics, which is supposed to do serious stuff like unemployment and inflation figures, has found that the more money people have, the happier they are. And wasted a big pile of taxpayers’ money in the process, no doubt.

Always someone on your back

Mitt Romney is in trouble for saying that he’s not interested in the 50% (or so) of American voters who don’t pay Federal Taxes because he doesn’t think they’ll ever take responsibility for their own lives. The revelation isn’t going to bring much comfort to the 50% of American voters who pay all the taxes, as both sides seem to be telling them that things are never going to get any better for them.

Any old excuse for a riot

“Thousands of suicide bombers are ready to give up their lives for the Prophet,” said a Taliban mouthpiece. Is it possible to respect Talibanism if it involves strapping explosives to people driven mad by their propaganda? And, apparently, the film which is being used as an excuse for rioting, arson and murder was lurking unnoticed on the Internet until some Islamist looking for offence stumbled across it. Talk about entirely self-inflicted wounds.

Just a thought . . .

I was looking at some Matt Olympics cartoons, which one of the staff had snipped out of the Daily & Sunday Telegraphs, and I started wondering. If it was right-on leftie Labour policy to abolish competitive sports, what were Tony Blair & Co. doing, inflicting an Olympic Games on us? Did they not get how anti their “rewards for all” culture it would be?

Things you didn’t particularly care to know No. 72

If you stow away in the landing gear of an airliner, you have only a 25% chance of reaching your destination alive.

Doing what comes naturally

There has to be a panic about something – that’s the rule today. A while ago, it was a panic that there would not be enough university places for everyone who wanted to plunge into debt. Now, having shoved their prices up, the universities find that they have lots of spare places. So, PANIC!!

Good for the BBC

The mutterings have died down somewhat after the fans found that the BBC iPlayer coverage of Monday Night Football works very well; and you can strap a PC to a flat screen TV if you want a BIG picture. The Raiders and Chargers fans are happy (Chargers fans happier because of the win) but the Bengals and Ravens fans are still waiting for the Beeb to make their match available. I gather that there needs to be someone standing by at the PC to drag the progress slider along at the breaks. That gets a 3-hour programme down by half an hour or so.

Calm down, guys!

There has been a lot of muttering among the staff about how difficult it is to find out who’s going to show the new season of American football and when it will be on. Apparently, Sky was pratting about with a deal right up to the last minute, with the result that the Sky Sports schedules in the TV listings magazines are up the creek. And the TV schedule on the Sky website is full of blank spaces, even though the menus on digital TV show complete programme lists. Sky would have us believe that it “believes in better”. From the mutterings around the mansion, it would have to try real hard to do any worse!

Perception is all

The time is what you think it is, not what it actually is. I looked at the clock on the wall beyond my monitor yesterday and asked myself if I had time to do something. “It’s not five o’clock yet,” I realized. So I worked away and worked away, and when I looked at the clock again, it was still only a couple of minutes before five. But my watch said five to six and the second hand of the clock was jerking at about twenty to the hour. Dead battery syndrome. And suddenly, it was later than I thought.

Bunch of chancers!

I see some Italians have got up a petition to demand that the French hand over the Mona Lisa portrait just because it spent a little time on show in the Uffizi gallery in Florence after it was stolen from the Louvre in 1911. So, according to these Eyeties, if you put a stolen painting on public display, it automatically becomes yours? Sounds like they’ve been left out in the Mediterranean sun for a while too long!

Re-education needed urgently

So Judge Bowers is being “investigated” for telling a court that burglars are courageous and jolly fine fellows, and shouldn’t be sent to gaol? No doubt he’ll escape without even a token slap on the wrist when he really needs to be made to go on a course – at his own expense – to teach him that showing off and attention seeking is inappropriate for a senior member of the legal trade.

A man of his word? Which one?

The prime minister thinks we’ll be impressed when he says he’s not going back on his promise not to have a 3rd runway for Heathrow. But we already know his promises are pretty worthless – the referendum on EU membership, etc. – so what makes him think anyone expects him to stick to his guns if it becomes convenient to break this promise, too?

And we know who’s to blame

The ’Elf & Safety Executive is moaning about a Cotton Wool Culture, which is eroding children’s freedom to play outdoors. As it was the ’Elf & Nazi gang which insisted that kids have to wear crash helmets and goggles to play conkers, and ripped all the climbing frames and roundabouts out of playgrounds, maybe wholesale sackings at their department would cure the problem.

Human rights for criminals only?

Terrorists, murderers and all sorts of foreign criminals are living off the British taxpayer because the courts say deporting them would infringe their ’uman bloody right to a family life. So why is the Home Office okay with chucking out John Tulloch, a university lecturer in his 70s, who has British parents and who was blown up on the Tube in July 2005? Could the Home Secretary’s decision to deny him the right to a family here be anything to do with his being white and respectable?

He made it look so easy!

Has Jenson Button lost it? Not on today’s form in the Belgian Grand Prix. Give him a car that works and he’ll drive away from everyone. Especially if some head-banger has a rush of blood at turn one in a race and takes out the hottest competition! Nice one, Jenson.

More hands in your pocket

Part of the job market is surging, so good news for the government? Not really, councils are employing lots more traffic wardens to screw stealth taxes out of motorists using parking regulations and other traffic laws.