Ho, hum

So there are technology addicts who don’t talk to other people face-to-face for days at a time, “researchers” have found. Do we care if they don’t? No. Do we think the “research” was worthwhile? No.

Out of one pocket or another

The BBC is asking itself whether politicians should be paid for spouting party propaganda and promoting themselves on BBC shows. But if the Beeb decides to drop the payments, you can be sure that the politicians will still go on radio and TV, and their expenses claims will get even higher.

Exhibitionism rules, nokay

What do you do if you fail your HGV driving test? Apparently, you pretend to be a suicide bomber, you demand your money back from the company that ran the training course, you give hundreds of office workers in neighbouring buildings the afternoon off and you let the police wave their guns around again. Welcome to the aftermath of the entitlement culture and Blair’s Britain.

Hypocritical doesn’t come in to it

How sick-making to see Milipede Labour getting all sniffy about members of the government getting too close to big business. Especially as it was the rule when Tony B. Liar and Gordon Broon were in charge. But then, honesty, truthfulness and doing the decent thing seem to be alien concepts in politics.

So do we panic, or what?

The Office of National Statistics sez we’re in a double-dip recession. But are we? The ONS had to indulge in the same amount of guesswork as you get on an average Time Team show to make its case. And after letting Labour sound off in the Commons (and hope we forget who caused the mess in the first place), the ONS has admitted that its “recession” conclusion could be reversed because it made a Really Big Guess about the state of the construction industry. So it looks like the “recession” is a minor technicality and not something anyone should worry about.

And Another Thing . . .

Roget seems to have come from a very peculiar family, and he’d have been right at home in the US import crime drama Bones, in which FBI Agent Booth doesn’t have a relationship with the emotionally crippled pathologist Brennan – she thinks that every case can be solved just by looking at the bones and the soft tissue is irrelevant. And she works with a collection of similar weirdos. Roget’s lack of empathy would have put him right at home in that bunch.

Haven’t we done April 1st already?

One of the staff showed me her copy of the Daily Wail just now. There’s an article on page 32 about a company which has stuck a USB port on an old-fashioned typewriter (allegedly) so it can be used with a computer, pad or whatever. What a load of utter tripe!

Consistent performance, anyway.

I’ve just finished reading “The Man Who Made Lists”, a biography of the creator of Roget’s Thesaurus by Joshua Kendall, who announces that he’s an American in the style of his writing, making a trip to the end flap of the jacket unnecessary. One thing that struck me was that the information that the Royal Institution went from hero to zero in Roget’s lifetime (in the 19th century) – just as its older brother, the Royal Society, did in the 20th century. The R.S. used to be very highly respected 20 or 30 years ago. Now, it’s just a temple to the Great Global Warming religion and as discredited as the R.I. was 150 years ago.

Wrong Target

I see the Royals have upset the Daily Disaster by taking advantage of the Great Windmill Subsidy Bonanza. But if you’re looking for someone to blame, and the government insists on wasting our money on such crazy scams, then it’s the out-of-touch Liberal millionaires who pushed it through Parliament who are responsible for the scandal, not the people getting some of OUR OWN MONEY back by taking advantage of the scam.

Hang on a minute . . .

Am I alone in thinking there’s something a bit off about Liverpool “celebrating” (to quote a lady on the BBC’s North-West Today) the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic? Or are they just celebrating all the profit people are making out of the souvenirs?

Justice still doesn’t work

Why doesn’t Britain chuck out Alky Ida terrorists like the Frogs and the Eyeties? Basically, because the average British burrocrat is a petty-minded, dick-headed bungler, who delights in enforcing stupid rules in the most obstructive way. And because the dick-heads at the Home Office and the Min. Of Justice thrust zillions of pounds of taxpayers’ cash into the pockets of lawyers, who deserve to be deported along with their clients. Sorted.

Justice doesn’t work (like that).

Will Tony B. Liar really be sued for rendering a Libyan on the terrorist list to the Gadaffy regime for torture? Will Jack Straw end up in the dock beside him? Sadly, only in a TV movie.

British Enterprise!

The nation’s aircraft carriers are a fine example of government in action. We won’t get any until about 2020, British labour isn’t getting a look-in, and when we do get them, only one will be brought into service (the other will be mothballed) and it won’t have any planes. Until now.
    The government's latest BIG IDEA is to dig up 20 Spitfires, which were buried in Burma after the war to stop the natives getting their hands on them, and give the new British fleet some purely ceremonial fighters. If they’ve been refitted into Seafires by the time the aircraft carrier opens for business.

Energy efficiency?

I thought I won the jackpot when my EuroMillions ticket came up, but renewable energy is the real deal. The Estate is now self-sufficient in electricity, and the good thing is, the government will pay a £25 subsidy on top of every £15-worth of electricity supplied to the national grid. And the subsidies keep on coming whether or not the wind blows; and also if it blows so strongly that the turbines have to be switched off. Welcome to the future!

You think?

A “Think Tank” reckons that having bank holidays costs the country £19 billion per year. But what would happen if we didn’t have bank hols? The national workforce would be grumpier, skivers would take more “sick” days, unions with enuf muscle would get another 10 days tagged on to annual leave and if any extra money did flow into the national coffers, the government would waste it.

Creative Journalism at its best!

I was amused to read in my favourite blog that the git who got in the way of the Oxo-Cam boat race has been charged with public petulance. Yes, that about sums it up.

Too dim to be free?

You have to wonder at the intelligence of the Brazilian drum smuggler (alleged) who changed into his wife’s clothes to get out of prison but was busted at the nearby bus station because he couldn’t walk convincingly on her high heels. His missus brought spare clothing and a black wig to the prison visit. Why couldn’t the bloke have told her to bring a pair of flat heels, too?

How to beat the hosepipe ban continued

41. Open your grounds to the public but charge the blighters £100 a head to get in.
42. Organize a sporting event on the main lawn at your Mansion but call it off through lack of interest.
43. Set up a car-washing business but charge customers £100 a time.
44. Start a small fire and over-react in spades.

Good luck, mate!

Dave the Leader reckons he’s going to let GCHQ snoop on everyone’s emails, does he? It will be interesting to know how he gets on with my encryption system, which is advertised as: “not so much totally uncrackable as too expensive for any government to crack”. The same sort of idea applies to the proxies used by staff at the Mansion for Internet access.

Balancing Act

You have to wonder at the misapplied ingenuity of politicians. In the spirit of “we’re all in it together”, the chancellor has decided to bung more VAT on cold champagne served in restaurants and other public places (but not the Palace of Westminster thanks to generous subsidies from the taxpayer), and he thinks that will repair the damage done by putting VAT on hot pies & pasties. What a plonker!