Evolution in action

In the fantastic future, you won’t have to wait to middle age before you can have your Big Life Crisis. The unsettling effect of being exposed to social media is dragging the crisis to younger and younger ages. And this won’t be helped by the government’s assaults on the Safer Phones Bill, which are making it a joke.

With Gritted Teeth?

How much of a strain was it for the Six Million Dollar Man to keep a smile going whilst having to listen to Sonny Bono crooning appallingly during one of his episodes?

An ally we don’t need

The PM of the south of Ireland thinks a good way to be mates with out wonderful PM is to offer to help him to unpick Brexit by stealth. Smarmer’s bound to jump at that. Groan!
    Beer is also reported to be ready and willing to let Chinese spies and the mob who persecute those who escaped from Hong Kong have a free hand here in pursuit of a trade deal with China. And there will be more tax rises in next month’s Spring Statement. Groan again!

Cause & Effect

According to some bunch of experts, 75% of the UK population will be obese by 2050. Which should give the government of the day a large incentive to chuck out illegal and unwanted migrants to leave a bit of room for every else!

More export fodder

Starting with the exhibitionist who was clambering about on Big Ben’s home in London waving a Palestinian flag. And continuing with the yobs who painted their slogan on the Trump golf course in Scotland. Not because we approve of Trump but because we don’t need so many yobs.

Just lame

One of our wonderful courts has ruled that we can send a criminal back to where he came from; Jamaica; as having a criminal record would prevent him from getting a job.
    Shame we can’t make the judge give the criminal board and lodging instead of expecting the taxpayer to fork out.

Great life

The Speaker of the House of Commons is getting a lot of unwelcome publicity after some rotten person did some checking up and found he’d blown a quarter of a million pounds of our money on jaunts around the world. Doing what? Apparently, his over-pompous and peerageless predecessor, the unloved Bercow, took a decade to run up a bill of similar size.

Not all bad!

Reform UK might have the hump with suspended MP Rupert Lowe but he is on our side if he thinks illegals should be dumped on a remote Scottish island and left to feed the midges.

Propaganda everywhere

The rubbish that comes out of universities takes all the biscuits in the tin, these days. There are professors who want global warming swindle propaganda in every lesson in schools.
    Also decolonization by pretending no one from Britain ever achieved anything, it was all done by foreigners and particularly non-white ones.
    Judy Vance is a tool and a half but he was 100% right about the enemies we have to worry about being the ones within.

Philosophy Corner

1. A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.
2. A loser is often a winner who tried one time too many.
    Take your pick.

Really Misleading

‘Keeping bathtime flowing’ read the slogan on the van. Someone called a plumber? No, on the driver’s door was ‘British Gas’ and the slogan ‘here to solve’.
    And to think, someone was actually paid to come up with that.

Never-ending cycle

If everyone in the UK gave up eating dairy and meat, it would have no measurable effect on the global climate, and we’d just have the control freaks yelling at us to give up something else to Save The Planet a bit more.

Terrific Explanation

Footballers constantly spitting on the pitch ensure that it’s well lubricated for those who want to do a slide after scoring a goal.
    Okay, that works!

Absolute non-event

How serious is the ongoing spat between Reform UK MPs? It’s a storm in an eggcup which the news meeja are trying to pretend is a tropical storm as big as the one currently battering bits of Australia. It will all be spent history by the next general election.

Ignorance or intent?

Apparently, President Zelenskiy announced ages ago that he won’t be wearing a suit until the war with Russia is over. If the bozos in charge of the USA don’t know that, and their minions don’t know it either, they’re a bunch of useless lumps. And if they do know and they’re ignoring it, they’re a bunch of nasty bastards.

Get Real

“If you find the following programme offensive and/or discriminatory, you need to grow up, get a life and stop being a far-Left woke wimp.”
    That’s what they should be saying before episodes of long-lasting 20th century TV shows.

Pass

There was a lengthy and pious plug for heat pumps on what was supposed to be the BBC lunchtime news yesterday. Why get one at vast expense and be very afraid to leave a door open?
    To reduce your carbon footprint.
    And what will this actually achieve?
    Bugger all as far as the global (or your local) climate is concerned. And we weren’t told, of course, that the heat pump has a big control pot in a cupboard. Something that looks like it has 1,001 ways to go wrong and need costly repairs on top of an annual servicing.
    If electricity is ever made affordable to ‘working people’, e.g. by binning Edstone and his Nett Zero, some electric radiators and timers looks a much more reliable way of heating a home than a clunking heat pump.

Easy Target

This week’s nickname for Rachel Thieves is ‘The Chancer of the Exchequer’. No doubt there will be something equally cute along next week.

Temporary Relief?

Yesterday was the first day of the year when it actually felt warm outside! Not that the Mansion cat was impressed.
    She went out for a while but she was soon back indoors again, doing her Sphinx impression on her favourite stretch of window sill.
    She got some courage in the afternoon, however, and disappeared for a couple of hours. And after stocking up with some grub, she was off again. Stuck indoors in the evening when the rain arrived.

Helpful suggestion

Stephen Glover of the Daily Mail suggested that next time President Zelenskiy has to interact with Trump, he does it with interpreters there in the name of preventing misunderstanding.
    This would also serve to slow down Trump if he slips back into bully mode.

A set up

Was the Trump/Vance violent assault on President Zelenskiy spontaneous? Not if there was a stooge journalist hovering with the job of asking why Zelenskiy wasn’t wearing a suit as the trigger for the whole disgraceful display.
    Politicians – don’t trust them. Ever.

Looks can deceive

Is the weather wonderful? It certainly looked bright and cheery with the Sun shining down from a lightly clouded sky yesterday. But the Mansion cat wasn’t convinced. She preferred to look out at the sunlit scene from her favourite indoor window sill.

No Disaster

After the alarmists had their moment of panic, NASA and the European Space Agency have reduced the odds of the asteroid 2024 YR4 hitting the Earth down from 3% to 0.001-2%. We can all relax. But have a moment of regret that some kindly deity didn’t arrange for the asteroid to smash onto Putin’s Black Sea palace!

An Explanation

Was Trump having a Biden moment when he accused Ukraine of starting the war with Russia? Trump seems to be having quite a lot of them now that he’s back in the White House.
    Either that, or he just can’t be bothered to pay attention.
    Or maybe a bit of both.

He has form for it

If some tinpot international court rules that Ukraine is rightfully part of Greater Russia, will our wonderful prime minister do a Chagos-style sell-out on President Zelenskiy?

Pull the other one

‘Is this new proof that Jim Morrison DID fake his own death?’ read the headline. To which the answer is nah!
    Could the sometime front man of The Doors be alive and working as a maintenance man in Syracuse at the grand old age of 83? Yeah, sure.

Just a suggestion

What the world needs is a lot more charientism anywhere politics rears its ugly head. That’s insults disguised as jests.

Incomplete Obliteration

Little John of the Daily Disaster came up with an interesting point. Lord Nelson’s portrait has been stuck in a cupboard at the Palace of Westminster and pictures of the likes of Home Sec. Pixie Balls-Cooper are replacing our famous ancestors.
    In the real world, pubs are still being called The Nelson with a picture of the admiral on the sign. Little John can’t imagine a pub being named after Pixie. Me neither.

Not sold on it

Okay, the series is called Bergerac and it’s set on Jersey, but what does it have to do with the series we remember, and which is being repeated around it?
    They might as well have called it Kojak. There’s about the same amount of connection with the original.

Just what we need

The leader of the Conservative party and the leader of Labour in a competition to be the more boring and the better at spouting lots and lots of words without actually saying anything.
    Plenty of exercise for the finger that lands on the TV remote control’s mute button when we see either of them spouting.

Ingenuity pump to maximum

Reporter: “Mr. President, do you still think President Zelenskiy is taking us into World War Three?”
Trump (with a big sarky smile): “Did I say that?”

Repeat, Pause, Repeat

“This is a once in a generational [insert cliché],” quoth the prime minister.
    “If only it were,” sighs his audience.

Long slog

It took the UK 61 years to pay off our bill to the United States after 6 years of World War II. Is that 30 and a half years of payments in store for Ukraine to do the same for their war with Russia if it’s ever called off?
    Let us hope the minerals last out if Trump stops being a wise guy and gets on with making a decent deal.

Groan!

The Chinese plague laboratory in Wuhan has discovered another coronavirus strain in bats. If it can jump species to humans, it will kill 33% of those infected. Let us hope the Chinese now have some biosecurity measures in place in Wuhan or we’re in for another terrible time.

Regal Collateral Damage

King Charles seems to be stuck in the middle of a campaign to cancel the state visit offered to President Trump before Trump and Vance did their mad-dog attack on President Zelenskiy.
    But delaying it with a boot into the long grass seems more likely than calling it off completely. Maybe until the golfing weather is bad.
    Something that won’t improve Trump’s mood any is the way President Zelenskiy was received enthusiastically here by the European leaders, and he also got to spend an hour with King Charles at Sandringham without needing a letter of invitation delivered by Beer Smarmer.

Editing our literary heritage

Kids are abandoning reading books in favour of listening to audiobooks? Well, that’s it for spelling. And eventually, everything not audioed will become inaccessible.

Another con job

Our wonderful prime minister is claiming that he’s going to increase spending on the Defence of the UK. But he’s not denying that the cash he plans to hand to Mauritius during the Chagos Islands betrayal will come out of the Defence budget rather than going on anything of benefit to the UK.
    More smoke and mirrors.

Just so you know

Correspondents are requested not to refer to the Chancellor as Rachel from Accounts as it’s an insult to every competent person working in an accounts department.

Fair’s Square

If, in the future, Europe will have to stop freeloading on America for its Defence against Russia, then it’s only right that the rest of the world should have to stop freeloading on the UK via foreign aid.
    How absolutely amazing that our wonderful prime minister has actually realized this.

Brilliant idea

Instead of the government & local authorities doing their job and creating effective flood defences, the plan now is to release beavers at strategic points to build green dams to deal with a local flooding problem.
    And if there is any flooding, it’s the fault of the beavers, not the politicians!

A spot of confusion

Beer Smarmer’s plan to boost defence spending to 2.5% of GDP by 2027 has been dismissed in the newspapers as a ‘pathetic sap’ to appease President Trump.
    But don’t they mean a pathetic ‘sop’ delivered by a pathetic sap? The vowel makes all the difference.

Well, that was unexpected

Is President Trump getting so desperate for something totally outrageous to do that he had to resort to picking a fight with President Zelenskiy of Ukraine during a televised do at the White House?
    Definitely a master class in The Art of Avoiding a Deal!

Shot in the foot

In these hard times, the charity Macmillan Cancer Support has had to sack a quarter of its staff and cancel a hardship scheme. But, as noted previously, it can still find £100K to offer as the salary for a head of diversity crap.
    The charity is now even worse off as subscribers are giving up in disgust and diverting their generosity elsewhere after finding that their donations will be wasted.

Zero social responsibility

Is there something about becoming a Labour local councillor that switches part of the brain off?
    That’s the obvious conclusion to be drawn from the police telling councillors to call off a meeting about one of their mad, anti-social schemes because the local police farce couldn’t guarantee their safety from outraged CTax-payers objecting to a totally mad scam drawn up by mentally challenged councillors.