Another sitting duck well and truly missed

Today’s Daily Mail contains a picture of Sophie Wessex in a burka as “proof” that a woman can look stylish in one. Which kind of misses the point that women shouldn’t have to wear the hideous rags in the first place.

Think of a number

The business minister, Mr. Hancock (another comedian?), is claiming that the Coalition has saved the business sector a whopping £10 Billion since it came to office by abolishing vexatious regulations. Ones like bus companies being required to hang on to discarded food remains as “lost property”. He also reckons, having thought of another number, that there is £20 Billion more to be saved by 2020.
    Just a thought, but old Hankers could do a greater service to the nation by weeding out the jobsworths who impose the daft rules in the first place and holding some public executions as a warning to others of the same temperament. Works in Iran, apparently.

Why only now?

Mr. Lamb, the current Health Minister, is hoping to score points by promising to hold to account, the owners of care homes which offer poor standards of care. But the British public is entitled to ask: Why is this not already the rule? And why so late, Minister, bearing in mind that your party has been in office for nearly five years? And why didn’t Labour make it the rule if they care as much about the elderly as they pretend?

The not-Bond

James Bond isn’t a black man. He’s white and Scottish. There’s no doubt about that. But what do a few facts matter to the film industry? If they can convert Felix Leiter, Bond’s CIA buddy, who was chewed by a shark in Licence To Kill, into a black man with all his limbs intact, why not a black non-Bond? In fact, why not go the whole hog and give the role to the traditional one-legged lesbian dwarf with a hunch? If you’re going to deliver a not-Bond, you might as well make it convincing.

Obesity: some good news at long last

A survey of Europe by the OECD has found that one-quarter of the people in Britain are grossly fat to a life-endangering extent. But there is some good news. The European Court of Justice’s ruling that obesity equals disability means that Britain can claim what amounts to a rebate of some of its EU contributions to fund an NHS anti-obesity programme.
    All we have to do, apparently, is slap an EU sticker on the scheme and pretend the cash came from the European Commission rather than the pockets of British taxpayers..

Turkey to Triumph?

Here’s another conspiracy theory: North Koreans hacked and threatened Sony in the USA to prevent the release of a comedy film about the assassination of the current Blessed Leader. Really? Given that Americans are now flocking to cinemas showing the film as a “patriotic duty”, could it be that the Sony guys saw the film, realized it is rubbish and got their PR bunch to create a good conspiracy story to sell it?

Rather cunning, really

To get more women into his Cabinet, Dave the Leader replaced M. Gove as Education Sec. with N. Morgan. But whilst Mr. Gove was unpopular with the teaching unions but very popular with anyone who wanted to see kids get a decent education, Ms Morgan has proved to be utterly wet and weedy and a total disaster, who sees it as her mission in life to unpick all of Mr. Gove's improvements.
    A brainless move by Dave? Well, some conspiracy theorists are seeing it as his latest attempt to warn the party of what will happen if he is replaced by a woman, such as the embattled Home Sec. T. May, whose department is failing spectacularly to get to grips with the migration problem dumped on the nation by Tony B. Liar and his New Labour cronies as an act of gerrymandering and revenge.

No harm, no foul

Clottish Clegg has informed the nation that his wife gave him some boxing gloves for Xmas last year. She obviously thinks there's no danger of brain damage to what’s not there.

Makes sense only to the EU

The EU banned landing fish which fell outside a quota, which meant that millions of perfectly edible fish had to be sorted out of a catch and just dumped overboard. Now, the ban has been rescinded. The out-of-quota fish now have to be landed. But they can't be sold and eaten, they have to be sorted out of a catch, hauled to a landfill site and dumped. Why? So that the EU can collect the landfill tax, which it wasn't getting when the fish were dumped in the sea.

NFL wimpishness

There was much indignation during the match between the Dallas Cowboys and the Indianapolis Colts last night when a player incurred a penalty for “taunting” when he just stood looking at a fallen opponent with his arms folded. What has the NFL come to when the players can’t take a few seconds’ triumphalism? Does the Commissioner, who rejoices in the name of Mr. Good4nowt, I am reliably informed, think it will damage the image of the sport if the players are likely to burst into tears when someone gets the better of them and rubs it in? Grow a set, NFL!

Fair enough

Batty Balls would have us believe that women will bear the brunt of Tory plans to cut the Labour deficit – which he laboured to create when in the last Labour government, let us not forget. The weaselly implication is that something unfair is going on. But maybe women are getting a disproportionately high share of benefits, and that’s why cutting everyone’s share equally takes more money from women. But, of course, Balls doesn’t believe in fair do’s for all.

Simple solutions are the best ones

Daily Mail internal headline: “Migrants lost in the system equal to the population in Cardiff”. So all we have to do to balance the books is deport everyone living in Cardiff?

Don’t care, mate

A quick poll at the Mansion about whether the BBC should sell off the TV rights to Bloody Wimbledon has failed to turn up a single person who watches it.

Foul friends

140 children and adults murdered at a school in Pakistan. The price of cosying up to the Taliban to feed the sense of grievance by politicians and soldiers who feel they’re not being allowed to thieve their fair share of aid money.

Fair for all

Terrorists who are not signatories to the Geneva Convention are not entitled to its protections. That can occur only when they give up mass murder, mutilation, posing as civilians and all the other little tricks of their trade.

Clean your own House first

If you ever wondered why politicians are so keen to be allowed to censor the Press, just consider what the Establishment has covered up in the past and is trying to cover up right now: paedophile MPs, including Cyril Smith, Jeremy Thorpe’s antics, Tony Blair and his ministers’ involvement in CIA rendition and torture of terrorist suspects and getting the 2003 war in Iraq started on a lie, all the scandals and unnecessary deaths in the NHS, abuse of office by people working for local councils, MPs stealing from the taxpayer with false expenses claims, cash for honours . . . The list just goes on and on and on and on.

Computer nuisances

One of the staff had a peculiar nuisance phone call the other day. It wasn’t until he got a repeat of the same call that his suspicions were confirmed. The weird voice was coming from some sort  of computer system, which was programmed to ask him about a car accident, which wasn’t his fault – which he hadn’t had. And when he baffled it by asking it questions in his own peculiar computer voice, it was reduced by saying, “Bye!” and ringing off.

Pure as the proverbial slush

Why is there such a clamour for an inquiry into the Bliar regime’s part in the CIA’s anti-terrorist activities? Because the usual suspects see millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money available in legal fees if it happens, and more personal publicity than you can shake a stick at.

Worst of the worst

The Home Office is in line for the Most Incompetent Government Department Award for 2014. The latest scandal is that the idle staff are making no attempt to check up on the people to whom they hand a British passport, with the result that thieves, murderers and criminals of all sorts get them more or less as of right just by telling the idle staff that they are okay people.

Playing by the other guy’s rules

Is the world shocked by the report on the CIA’s activities against Islamist terror suspects? Of course, not. The activities of the Islamists gave the CIA a licence to do anything they liked in return, and the activities of Al Kaida and IS renew that licence every day. Mr. Nice Guy has no place in a conflict like this. Only lying politicians and the friends of terrorism will tell you otherwise.

Sneaky trick

The Chancellor has clearly left the details of his Diverted Profits Tax to HMRC. This is evident from the news that Google and all the other diverters will be given HMRC-style sweetheart deals, which will let them decide how little tax they need to pay.

Have mercy!

I’m feeling really war’ed out at the moment. When you get Paxperson and Tony Robinson putting their personal stamp on it – Tony Robinson’s World War One? Really? Was it him who started it and kept it going for 5 years? – you realize it’s time to lose interest and move on.

Just another hand going into the taxpayer’s pocket

Will we ever have a hunger-free Britain. The looney left would have us believe that throwing vast amounts of taxpayers’ cash at usual suspects will do it. But they have no answer to why people buy cigarettes, booze, mobile phones and huge TVs instead of food for themselves and their kids. [Could it be that they think they don’t need to buy food because they expect the taxpayer to buy it for them and put it in food banks?] And the loonies don’t seem to be able to square this with the results of yet another of these surveys, which found that vast numbers of “poor” kids are obese!

Thought for the day

Life is analogue, not digital? Try telling that to motoring morons who cut you up and then start waving digits at you.
p.s. How many potholes would a billion quid fill?

Typical government thinking

Dave the Leader plans to waste £1 BILLION on a new road, which will go under Stonehenge and stop some of the people who paid from it from getting a view of the monument.

Some people just can’t handle it

Does wealth drive socialists mad? Former Labour minister M. “Mealymouth” Meacher, proud possessor of a housing empire worth missions, thinks thieves should be allowed to plunder as much as they want if their benefits are cut off for misconduct, and if they end up in court, the jury should apply socialist principles and let them off. Maybe they could also be allowed to leave court with a few of Mr. Mealymouth’s addresses and a map.
    And then there’s Red Ed, another socialist millionaire, whose many outbreaks of drivel are a matter of record. And also the multi-millionaire Tony “Name-Shrinker” Benn, who didn’t think his alleged socialist principles applied to his own fortune, which he was at pains to keep out of the hands of the taxman to avoid benefitting the workers he claimed to embrace.